whitewhaleoccasion

[whitewhaleoccasion]

the appreciation letter

Dear A,

thanks for showing me that i was capable of deeply caring about someone and almost falling in love. it was an entirely different feeling that i had with you. i have had crushes in the past but it never went anywhere. 

while i was still in california, you showed me kindness, respect, and appreciation. thanks for always being the first one to call me and asking me how my day was.

the first time that we hung out alone, when you gave me a ride home, you were only a friend to me. but something happened when i talked to you from the passenger seat that day. i felt an instant connection, something i have never felt before. 

thanks for helping me move out of my apartment. it meant a lot to me that you came to my city to move my stuff. plus, that blueberry icecream after was REALLY good.

thanks for being a gentleman and paying for my food. it was nice feeling that i was being taken care of. thanks for making me feel safe with you while i was still in california.

thanks for comforting me when i broke down crying in your car after that SF trip. you said all the right things and it really calmed my heart.

thanks for showing me that i deserve to be treated nicely. you showed me that i, too, am capable of finding a partner to raise a family with.

thanks for telling me that i looked fine without makeup and taking pictures of me on my phone whenever we hung out.

thanks for being my best friend for a short amount of time. right now, it doesn’t feel that our relationship was worth the hurt i am feeling right now, but hopefully one day it will. :)

[whitewhaleoccasion]

the feeling letter

this feels like a bad dream. it doesnt feel real. he called me right before midnight yesterday (9/22)  and said that it wasn’t going to work out between us. he said he was sorry and i could still text him. 

I am angry that he let me be emotionally invested in him for over a month, pretending that he felt the same way about me. I am angry that I wasted my time thinking about him, thinking of a future together, moving to California for him, raising kids with him, when all he was probably thinking about was how not to hurt my feelings and letting me down easy. but he failed. he broke my heart into a hundred pieces. i am frustrated that he let me fall in love with him and then decided to say goodbye. he strung me along for so long only to hurt me in the worst way.

i am sad that i lost my best friend. i remember that i cried in front of him in his car because i never show that side of me to other people. but i showed it to him because i trusted him and felt that he wouldn’t hurt me. i feel so alone here, i dont know anyone here so losing him sucks so much more. i am sad that i wont have a heart-to-heart with him in his car ever again, that he won’t be there to comfort me and to say all the right things. 

i am scared that i will never find anyone to love me. i feel like i had known him forever once i met him. i never once thought about marriage or kids, but with him i did. i wanted to be his wife and have his babies. for once, i found comfort in raising a family with someone. i am scared that it will hurt even more when i see that he found someone else, that he’s engaged and then married to another girl. i am already jealous of the girl that he shares his heart with. will she sit in his car like i did? will he take her to the same places he took me? what does she have that i dont?

i am embarrassed that i showed him my most vulnerable self and he didn’t love what he saw. i regret wasting my time with him. 

even though he told me that he we were still friends, i don’t think i want to be just friends with him. it will remind me of how much i cared about him. and how perfect i think he is for me. i want to forget about him and find myself.

i dont think this is hurting him nearly as much as its hurting me. i dont think i run through his mind at all. thats why he stopped calling or texting me everyday. he was already over it while i was still deeply attached to him. he never loved me.

i am glad he showed me that i am capable of loving someone more than myself. that i too, can have a spouse and happily raise kids. i am thankful that he showed me all the qualities that i want in a future spouse. 

i will try to heal. to forget about loving him. i will stop crying over him. to focus on my life for once. to find what i want to do with my life. 

[whitewhaleoccasion]

AND THATS HOW IT WORKS?

I once met Missy Franklin in Berkeley and I said “OMG Missy” and she looked at my and laughed, and yesterday she met taylorswift which basically means I met taylor too?! 

[whitewhaleoccasion]

Taylor's borrowed blue tour outfit

I love how taylorswift wore camila's blue dress during 5 of her songs at the Santa Clara show because whenever someone posts a pic/vid of it, I am like THATS MY SHOW I WAS THERE

[whitewhaleoccasion]

Tbh I’m sooooo glad I didn’t get to meet Taylor again this era because you know what I would have fucking loved to I actually even thought about what it toils be like if I did and I’m glad it didn’t happen because that was a window for a bunch of other fans who hadn’t met her before that went to the same show as me to get to meet her. Hell it hasn’t even been a full year since I had met her I know how unfair it would have been in glad other people got a chance because that’s the way it should be. How much can you get and ask for before you finally decide it’s time to fucking stop step aside and let someone else get their turn in the spotlight??? Give other people a chance goddamnit

[whitewhaleoccasion]

I genuinely think that getting a hug from taylorswift would make me feel better about myself and if anyone was ever mean to me, I’d be like “but i met taylor swift”

[whitewhaleoccasion]

Someone knitted this sweater for me of a Polaroid of myself and gave it to my mom tonight at the show. It has very quickly become my everything. Thank you, mysterious knitter.

[whitewhaleoccasion]

wheres aunt becky

[whitewhaleoccasion]

taylorswift watching the Wildest Dreams music video was like a movie. SO GOOD i wanna cry

[whitewhaleoccasion]

Kanye's about to be banned from award shows again

[whitewhaleoccasion]

I AM NO POLITICIAN BRO

[whitewhaleoccasion]

Taylor has a huge heart

[whitewhaleoccasion]

Brooooo

[whitewhaleoccasion]

TAYLOR SWIFT LITERALLY DOES NOT WANT US TO LIVE LIKE I WASNT EVEN RECOVERED FROM THE WD MV AND THEN SHE POPS OUTTA FUCKIN NOWHERE WIRH NICKI IM OUT I QUIT SWIFT I QUIT

[whitewhaleoccasion]

Im so happy for taylor right now like she’s at an award show with all her girlfriends, has already won 2 awards and just put out an amazing music video. Seeing her so happy makes me happy and thats all that matters

[whitewhaleoccasion]

taylor slays

[whitewhaleoccasion]

YELLOW DRESS APPRECIATION. WILDEST DREAMS