whycantievendream

[whycantievendream]

I've come to make an announcement:

Bill Dickey's a bitch-ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right. He took his fuckin' dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife,

and he said his dick was "this big" and I said, "That's disgusting."

So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com:

Bill Dickey, you got a small dick. It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like. (explosion) That's right, baby.

Tall points, no quills, no pillows, look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong.

He fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the earth. That's right, this is what you get! My supеr lazer piss!

Except I'm not gonna piss on the еarth.

I'm gonna go higher. I'm pissing on the moooon! (*explosion*) How do you like that, Obama?! I pissed on the moon, you idiot!

You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrroplllllets hit the fucking earth, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!

*Laughter*

whoops, my finger slipped 🤭

[whycantievendream]

*she falls asleep and sleeps for a while, peaceful but still drunk*

*stumbles in*

someone has been in my room and taken my beers away from my room...

which one of you did it?!

I'll find you...

[whycantievendream]

I will...thanks, Beth...you're so...sweet...

*she yawns and closes her eyes*

*stumbles in*

someone has been in my room and taken my beers away from my room...

which one of you did it?!

I'll find you...

[whycantievendream]

*she freezes, going stiff for a moment before she scoots back under her covers.*

"thanks again...you don't have to take care of me like this..."

*stumbles in*

someone has been in my room and taken my beers away from my room...

which one of you did it?!

I'll find you...

[whycantievendream]

*she looks up at her*

t...thanks *hic*

*stumbles in*

someone has been in my room and taken my beers away from my room...

which one of you did it?!

I'll find you...

[whycantievendream]

*she takes it and puts the pillow under her head and covers up with the blanket*

ugh, my heead kinda huuurts...

*stumbles in*

someone has been in my room and taken my beers away from my room...

which one of you did it?!

I'll find you...

[whycantievendream]

Sooounds....gooooood.... *she collapses on the couch like dead weight*

*stumbles in*

someone has been in my room and taken my beers away from my room...

which one of you did it?!

I'll find you...

[whycantievendream]

*she stumbles and turns, looking at Beth*

*hic* wine could be good...

*stumbles in*

someone has been in my room and taken my beers away from my room...

which one of you did it?!

I'll find you...

[whycantievendream]

*stumbles in*

someone has been in my room and taken my beers away from my room...

which one of you did it?!

I'll find you...

[whycantievendream]

update on the package situation.

I tracked the address, and it ended up being delivered to the address across the freakin street--

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I don't wanna go talk to my neighbor--

[whycantievendream]

thank you, I hope I do too!

did they hire a new mailman or something?

bc I swear to god my package should've been here by now...

did anyone get a package in the mail today?

if you did, please don't open it--

[whycantievendream]

*she peaks at the package*

no...that's not the one I'm looking for but I'm glad you found it anyways. *she heaves a sigh of relief*

this one's just classroom supplies.

did they hire a new mailman or something?

bc I swear to god my package should've been here by now...

did anyone get a package in the mail today?

if you did, please don't open it--

[whycantievendream]

What's in the package, Marzia?

none of your business, anon.

but seriously--

i need to find that shit--

[whycantievendream]

did they hire a new mailman or something?

bc I swear to god my package should've been here by now...

did anyone get a package in the mail today?

if you did, please don't open it--

[whycantievendream]

ah yes, the north american manchild in his natural habitat

grown ass man btw

[whycantievendream]

just got home to my mother blowing up my phone (again)

she said "someone I know" is in the hospital again and apparently she's on his care team (or some other hospital/medical shit).

I wish my mother would not be cryptic and just tell me who the *fuck* it is.

anyways, I got a Buzz Ball.

and it's called fucking *Choc Tease*--

love that 💀

[whycantievendream]

got back from the store and ran into my mom there.

she's working overnight at the hospital again.

I swear she's gonna give herself a heart attack--

she's 46 (she had my brothers at 19) but damn--

if any of y'all see my mom anytime soon, tell her to slow the fuck down lmao--