will-the-obscure

[will-the-obscure]

“...now it’s hard to punch the clock on a site where production’s stopped. I’m a warehouse filled with junk. Some somethings for some someones.

... hundred plans to fortify. Beige concrete goes on for miles- buried cities underneath.

... there was a light at the window- a light under the door, but it’s not there anymore. Come on over. Get your shoes on... come on over.”

The sense of futility I get from the jobs I’ve work over the years has created great frustration for me. Most days I walk around hoping something will inspire me for that day at least.

[will-the-obscure]

untitled

“Hopelessly fighting the devil futility. Feeling the monster crawling deeper inside of me. Feeling him gnawing my heart away hungrily.” Thank God i am not hopeless... but man, the futility of what life is sometimes knocks me back. Then I remember it's not all about me. When I care about the people around me more than I do about how I feel, I find that life is more fulfilling. I do get sidetracked quite easily at times though.

[will-the-obscure]

“'All the days of his vow of separation no razor shall pass over his head.”

‭‭Numbers‬ ‭6:5‬a

“'Now this is the law of the Nazirite when the days of his separation are fulfilled... the Nazirite shall then shave his dedicated head of hair...”

‭‭Numbers‬ ‭6:13, 18a

The story of Samson helps illustrate the significance of these verses. 

“ ...the boy shall be a Nazirite to God from the womb to the day of his death.'"”

‭‭Judges‬ ‭13:7b 

Samson’s hair being the source of his strength seems to be more about showing commitment to the Lord and faith in His word. Having his hair cut was like ending the vow. Samson never seemed to see his unique individuality and strength as being created for the good of others. His life was spent seeking out what he could enjoy, and those things failed him. 

Having been redeemed by Jesus, I should see that I was created with individuality so that God could reveal Himself to others through me in unique ways. I should not squander the opportunity by chasing the things for myself that have continually failed me.

[will-the-obscure]

If ever I was in a band, I would redo this song. I would keep some of the lyrics, drop a few, and change the order. I get the picture of a butterfly, but then it resorts back to its cocoon. Third verse strikes me as the caterpillar that is to make the cocoon and the last conjures up its doom- “deep in the earth.” I was talking to someone earlier and I was convicted of one truth that i get from this song in its seeming digression:

First verse: “show new skin, insect man. painted in dirt- again...” new skin- new creature that is a butterfly or moth (or Christian)- but he has slipped up again. Next: “wish for air, cocoon man. smothered in soil- keep in control.” I see the Christian needing God but thinking He has to get control before He can get to Him. More dirt accrues because his self efforts fail. As i alluded to, the end seems to be one of a failed life.

If I want my life to represent what I want, I better stay grounded in my relationship with Jesus. Galatians 5:16-26 is such an encouraging passage of scripture to me. I will never be able in my own strength to represent God's goodness fully to others... and I don't have to. He paints the picture for others when i follow Him. When I fall, I don't try to right it before I turn to God- I fall into Him, realizing the slip happened when I thought I could handle a situation without Him.

So my version would revolve around key parts: “wish for air, cocoon man... show new skin, insect man... share your air... show new wings; float with your wins- again.” I realized my need for Him. He transformed me. I share the hope He has offered to all. I operate in the nature of the new creation (not as the caterpillar I once was). That's only natural when I live as Galatians five speaks of- dependent on my relationship with God.

[will-the-obscure]

“It’s all right now. Come closer. Talk to me.”

I love to travel, but out of town trips for work leave me in a bit of an odd place when they end. Always glad to be home, but have a hard time being okay with what my work is when it returns to routine. 

This song fits my mood, but this line is a good reminder in the midst of the mood: seek comfort in the Lord (as if He’s the one beckoning me in this lyric). It was a good trip avoiding my usual pitfalls, but I do believe there’s greater things He has in store as I grow in finding joy in Him alone... not in circumstances.

[will-the-obscure]

“Two that look- want to see the same thing... ‘cause what i see can't be the same thing.” Most people want the world to be more loving and peaceful. The lens we each view the world through has profound effects on the means by which we believe we can achieve this outcome. In debate, we often lose sight of the fact that the opposing side has the same intention. We get defensive or go on the offensive with one we have made out in our minds to be a monster.

I heard Ravi Zacharias say something profound. Few people would state they want to live in a heteronomous culture where the few dictate for all what is right or wrong. Most fall under either seeing us as a theonomous (God dictates) or autonomous (self dictates) culture. If God is the one who determines morality, one must first have the other side see the need for God to be in the conversation before coming to being in one accord. If self dictates morality, one must be careful not to flip to a heteronomous viewpoint when the theonomist disagrees. That is, if each person determines what is right, to say they’re wrong because it clashes with a few is suddenly taken the stance that the few dictates for the many what is right and wrong.

[will-the-obscure]

"Shallow water must be on the horizon but still too far to go. Spilling blood so fast I can't keep up much more. Sorry, sorry, can't go no more."

Embracing the Lord in my life doesn't keep me from going through times where I want to give up on people/ things. The hope I have in my Savior is what pushes me through my weakness. Singing "sorry" implies that others are counting on me to not throw in the towel when it seems easier.

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."- 2 Corinthians 12:9

[will-the-obscure]

“Pick. Pick up. Dig. Dig out those weeds...”
Unfortunately, tending to weeds is not a one time process. It doesn’t take long for weeds to overrun, regardless of how much work was put into the desired cultivation.

[will-the-obscure]

“I could stay here- become someone different. I could stay here- become someone better.”

Christ has turned my life around. Still I struggle to remain faithful when I cannot audibly hear or physically see Him. In those times, I grow more and more grateful for who He has brought into my life to help me decide to be better. While I’m still quite selfish, Shawna’s integrity helps me choose things for her sake when I don’t care to for my own. While she is not my savior, she helps me gain a better understanding of how God wants me to love, trust, and honor Him in this way. Ultimately, I want my faith to be less about my sight and choose well more often because He is good and faithful.

“... a prudent wife is from the LORD” - Proverbs 19:14b

[will-the-obscure]

Humility often has such a negative connotation in our society. The thought of surrender keeps so many of us from finding true relationship with the Lord. I was fine with Him erasing my sins but I wanted to do as I pleased. And in that, i was actually surrendering to so many things that others around me gave hearty approval to (Romans 1:32). Humility is absolutely necessary to be in right standing with God. It not only acknowledges my brokenness to see my need of a Savior but it also glorifies all that He is- that only He could bridge the gap between us. 

Reading in Leviticus, I am overwhelmed by the “rules” but am quickly relieved to be reminded that the law is truly in place for us to see that God is holy and for us to do things on our own to please Him requires perfection. IMPOSSIBLE. Relieved, I say, because He fulfilled the law through Jesus' death and resurrection. Jesus in Matthew 22:36-40 sums up the law for us. Love God and love others. We all know love is not an easy thing to do. I’ve found once again, I can't take the gift like a football from the quarterback and simply handle it from there. I am dependent on being led by Him to love as He calls me to. Oh, I try to run with it all on my own at times. And here I am asking for fire to fall down on me- to burn up the things that interfere with me loving Him in natural response to all that He's done for me. 

God is first and foremost about His glory (and we are a proud creation)- we want to call that arrogant. but if He is truly creator of everything and is good, who or what else should get that glory? Isaiah 45:21-25 humbled me this week. Colossians 1 helped me remember what my prayer for others should be (as well as humbled me just as Isaiah did). Galatians 5:13-26 stays in rotation because it keeps the war that is in my heart on my radar. I am my own worst enemy but His Word gives me comfort (along with conviction). So i stay in it. It teaches me how to persevere. It calls me to perseverance... and that word is admirable in everyone's mind. True love ain't easy- it takes strength.

[will-the-obscure]

“The boys are breaking guitars in black water and eating little girl hearts in black water... Kind of lovable but kind of carelessly cruel”

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on how I behaved in years past. Then I’m reminded that, (while I can’t change the past) going forward, I can think of how chasing selfish desires didn’t get me what I wanted (nor treat others well) and choose a different path. 

“Just rock it... straight from the crypt...”

Christ opened my eyes to the things I was allowing to corrupt my perception of the world around me. He freed me so that I might reflect a changed man to those I’d shown myself to be a fool around in the past. 

[will-the-obscure]

“Cinderella, don’t you go to sleep; it’s such a bitter form of refuge. Don’t you know the kingdom’s under siege, and everybody needs you.”

I see Cinderella as the church and me as an individual representative of it. The world around may not feel they need us, but we know the hope found in what God has done to bring us to Him. To lose sight of what people need to see of Christ through us, we may as well be asleep. Awake without sense of our purpose, we focus on self and become dull to the Holy Spirit moving us towards others. As we tune Him out, we become destructive again. This time we have the label of “Christian” and misrepresent Him because we’ve lost sight of who He is and what He desires. Allowing Him to redeem the mess I’ve made and stand on His ability gives me the opportunity to defend His Kingdom through the way I live and interact with people.

“but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence;”

‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭3:15‬ ‭

[will-the-obscure]

“I know I haven’t been the best of sons.” It’s like prayer after a failed day. I’m still a son but when I go to the Lord, I acknowledge how I’ve failed to reciprocate love back to Him well. Often the way I fail Him is in direct relation to how I fail to love people well. He has not rejected me; He continues to move me towards being better tomorrow.

[will-the-obscure]

“I wrote all night: free man. Alright!” This song strikes me as being about a man in prison who tries to convince himself that he's almost free. It reminded me of my younger years, doing what I desired to try to be happy... and failing... and repeating the pattern. “I spent a lifetime knocking round the same old patch of concrete.”

Isaiah 12:2 reads: “for the Lord God is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation.” When I had to admit my own weakness, I found a joy in Him. As I found Him to be trustworthy, I finally saw Jesus as my salvation. I find that a byproduct of me doing things as He calls me to (rather than just what I feel like), is that I have the core things i want out of life. “All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify”

I tried to convince myself I was “free” when I was young... now I feel free. Alright!

[will-the-obscure]

Been listening to this album the last few days and thinking about the complexity of what/ who we are as humans- particularly the balance of compassion and accountability necessary to make wise decisions. People have failed me and I have failed everyone... but I have found the Lord to be faithful. Somehow in the midst of all the drama, I have found it all to be worthwhile. I see more clearly the power of relationships- some of the ones we were born into and some of the ones we chose. Some we should fight for and some we should let go. This album reminds me of the emptiness inevitably found in strictly putting hope in others.

In truly understanding what God has done through Jesus, I see how He has been at work in the world around me. I can't keep my kids from hurting... but I do hope they will learn to face life head on and make peace with it. I will point them towards Christ since I honestly believe the Bible is the only thing that has sufficient answers... but ultimately only they can choose whether or not they will love the Lord.

[will-the-obscure]

“Your eyes glistened by the sound and the light of God.” This is the closing line from her original version of this song from the album What Would the Community Think. While this one doesn’t include my favorite line, I think it’s a much more beautiful version than the other.

A lot of her music seems to have been shaped by pain. I believe it’s why much of her backlog resonates with hurting people. I saw her in concert a couple months ago. This show made me think she doesn’t want to dwell on the hurt but rather move forward. At the end of the show, she acknowledged that her ability to do what she does is a blessing and expressed love for the audience. She spoke with emotion that comfort from pain would bring.

I had a picture of a collage of art in my pocket that I had hoped to give to her if I ran into her. I did not. It was a piece I put together that was inspired by her music and how God has helped me see the hurting world a little clearer through it. God gave her this ability. Her hurts in life could’ve kept her from expressing things in ways that she was uniquely gifted to. She has persevered. Does she give God the glory for how she has impacted lives? I don’t know... but I can acknowledge how Christ has revealed (yet again) His desire to comfort through the individuality He’s created in each of us.

Marshall has a line in a song from What Would the Community Think that says, “Maybe if I pray to the Lord above... but the Lord don't give a shit about me.” Hurt can make us feel that way. Maybe she still feels that way. Maybe she has written Him off as nonexistent. And maybe now she believes that her “eyes glisten by the sound and the light of God.” I do not know.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭1:3-4‬ ‭

[will-the-obscure]

The title alone reminds me of how i get focused on what i've missed out on because of choices and mistakes when I ought to remember what I do have. Three ladies (my wife, my mom, and my daughter) being part of my life help me to be able to see the goodness of God. Time spent with them adds joy to my life.

“Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.'” (James 1:1). I used to think the wording of this verse was weird but now I like it. I believe God is good, but at times we all stand in the way of light and create shadows and variations. Like the lyrics of a song, we're left to interpret what we see. Every intellectual person must weigh the question: “what if i am wrong?” Many punk bands portray Christians as ignorant. I appreciate their challenges in that they have helped me over the years by making me think about what I believe. The Lord does say to love Him with all of my mind.