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I seriously wish I appeared because I have something to share, but instead I only use this to scream when im lonely. Because tumblr....
Man I hate my existence
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I know im just screaming into a void.... honestly at 45 you'd think I'd be used to it, but I cant seem to entirely give up.
I want to
God above I want to
Its all over after this year. Nobody will need me after this year and nobody wants me around so....
One more year
One more year
Then it can be over
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I know im screaming into a void again... buuut jfc... someday maybe...
Like I even called the prevention line in the US and hit their time limit
I know im selfish
I know i have to work on being good
But jfc
Even people paid to care give up on me lmfao
If that isn't capitalism at work... I dont know what is. All respect to "Anna" she tried but she needs her job just like everyone else does
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"What do i do when all my roads are dark?"
"Ya just keep going kid. Hope is a bitch. You cant rely on them..." His eyes drifted skyward. "Hope is a demon. An insidious one.. but when hope runs out... there's love.... theres always love. Even the kind that hurts you the most... maybe especially that kind. Just love kid. It wont end well, it definitely wont end easy... actually it probably hurts more. But it'll be worth it. Nothing else is."
---- stories that will never see the light ot day
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Bit of a repeat but....
"And exactly where would I be in the dark without my demons? I can tell ya kid... alone. Just alone.....
And kid, the dark is no place to be alone. You at least need to see what you 'shouldn't' be, even if you aren't sure what you should be..."
------ lines i haven't written yet
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Like I get I'm screaming into a void. I do. I have been for years after all, there's nothing new about it.... but I'm not going to answer bots for company. I have cats after all
I just wish they talked back in a language that wasn't just food or attention
Everyone i know watches me burn and turns a blind eye even when I beg them for help and tell them specifically what o need
The cats just want to be fed

Unhappy kitty. I gave attention to a stray I fed after the flood
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Me looking for something that makes me feel.... well... less like I always do... or maybe just to actually feel something. Every emotion is as fleeting and ephemeral as the fog on an autumn morning.
Yes, there is comfort in the familiar at times, but it's a cold comfort. Hard too. And so lonely....
#rambling sad thoughts#writing#depression#do i belong in this world?#why doesn't anything ever feel real?
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I've been... lonely and never quite alone the last months.
I miss my pupper. Still.
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It was never about behavior or following a set of standards. It was about these particular people giving them power.
IT. WAS. NEVER. A. MORAL. CRUSADE.
That was always a lie.
It has always and will always be about power. Nothing else.

There is no disqualifying behavior for a fascist political movement set on keeping power.
They don't mind infidelity. They don't care about rape. All they care about is how racism/misogyny benefits white nationalists, and telling women to shut up.
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The lost wandering with the lonely... also known as someone wanted to play with their new camera and photo editing stuff
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Hey guys! I'm just letting you all know that I won't be active that much today.
Me and a bunch of psychos on Tumblr are celebrating the death of some old Roman politician.
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I was walking through the toy aisle at Target when I found this thing and had a VIOLENT AND IMMEDIATE FLASHBACK to when JP first came out and they had a bunch of REALLY COOL T Rex toys that I would have sold one of my scrawny small-child limbs for but my mother wouldn’t get me one because they were “too violent and also ate people” :(
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These were dangerous thoughts, he knew. They were the kind that crept up on a Watchman when the chase was over and it was just you and him, facing one another in that breathless little pinch between the crime and the punishment.
And maybe a Watchman had seen civilization with the skin ripped off one time too many and stopped acting like a Watchman and started acting like a normal human being and realized that the click of the crossbow or the sweep of the sword would make all the world so clean.
And you couldn't think like that, even about vampires. Even though they'd take the lives of other people because little lives don't matter and what the hell can we take away from them?
And, too, you couldn't think like that because they gave you a sword and a badge and that turned you into something else and that had to mean there were some thoughts you couldn't think.
Only crimes could take place in darkness. Punishment had to be done in the light. That was the job of a good Watchman, Carrot always said. To light a candle in the dark.
Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay
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