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fudging reality for the sake of the bit

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"can you explain the gap in your resume?" i was dead for a bit

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4 transfems playing yugioh

may 28, 2025

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jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

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I had a dream that unless the teacher told us class was over, we were forbidden from going out the door. Our teacher was very forgetful, and maybe even malicious. After being forced to stay past sunset many days, my class decided we were going to break out every night. Eventually our attempts led us to discovering rifts in space-time where we could warp. So we never used the door. Checkmate.

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i dont normally repost instagram shit but the wording of this comment is killing me. like the armored carapace of a beetle. phenomenal

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those ads for ai integration on phones are so funny bc it seems like they cant. come up with that many use cases that arent already on a phone? "ask gemini to give you recipes when youre cooking!" "use our AI assistant to find the perfect gift for your girlfriend" yeah or i could just like. google it. you've spent millions on a slightly fancier version of an alexa. good job man.

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@adelinejclose

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something vindictive but ultimately harmless I do at work is that if you’re at my register and you’re rude to me and you pay with cash I am finding the most disgusting desolate fucked up unspeakable coin I can to give to you. oh you were mean to me? you’re getting the yucky nickel bitch

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my roommate got amongus ejected from a polycule a few years back and shes always told the story as "i started argung with one girlfriend so she manipulated my other girlfriend to turn against me." and while i dont know how true to life that version of events is i do greatly enjoy imagining the polycule equivilent of the kings evil advisor whispering in their ear grima wormtongue style. its got a flair to it.