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[wormholxtreme]

She could say it a thousand times more and Peeta wasn't always convinced it was real. Especially in the depths of the Capitol where everything felt shifted slightly away from reality. Not enough to instigate an episode, but just enough that sometimes in the hazy of waking he'd have to take a moment to solidify his bearings.

Katniss was his only saving grace.

Trying to navigate the rough waters of being president took it's toll. But her presence was everything. Grounding him, protecting him, reminding him of what he was trying to do, trying to build. A future where Katniss didn't have to fear, a future they could built together.

Peeta's hands ran up her spine, delicate fingertips dragging along wet skin, urging her to settle against him. Blue eyes searched her gray ones. That whirlwind of adoration and hunger mixing together in a longing desire that rarely left, even if some days it were more subdued.

His lips curled into a soft half smile, eyes softening. "It's the only thing that keeps me going." he uttered in admission. "Don't ever doubt the way I feel about you Katniss. You can be mad I'm not giving you what you need."

He started peppering kisses along her jawline, punctuating his words as he dragged them along her neck, down her sternum. "But don't. Ever. Think I am not hopelessly. Helplessly in love with you."

It didn’t matter how many times they did this, how many times his hands found her, how many times his lips claimed hers—it always struck her the same way. Like lightning in her veins. Like she was a live wire no one had warned her about. Peeta tugged her closer with a need that felt nearly desperate, and she let him. She always let him. His strength wrapped around her, drawing her in until she was almost perched half in his lap. His mouth moved against hers with a hunger that left her reeling, her thoughts scattering like startled mockingjays.

A sharp breath escaped her when he finally pulled back. She gasped softly, air rushing into lungs that had forgotten how to work. Dizzy, unsteady, her heart thrummed wildly, and still her body leaned toward him, as though it had decided for her. Before she could talk herself out of it, before reason could sink its claws into her chest, she shifted forward, easing onto his lap fully this time. Her palms braced against his shoulders, tentative and trembling, but her mouth found his again with a surety that startled her. She kissed him because she wanted to, because the need clawed at her, because the thought of not kissing him felt unbearable. She was in love with him, would always be in love with him.

"I love you, Peeta."

[wormholxtreme]

The relaxed way Finnick spoke continued to set Peeta at ease. Out in the wild, it was relatively easy to size up a person. To find something superficial to connect to, whether it be a book in their hands, or a pin on their backpack. Something that made people light up, start talking about their interests and quickly forgetting that Peeta was little more than a sounding board. It made him quick friends, but nothing ever too substantial.

Peeta appreciated that Finnick was similar. Not digging in too deeply, even with their obvious cohabitation status. The time for truths would come out eventually, but there was little reason for either of them to be handing out bullet point presentations on their lives and significant others.

A sense of pride washed over him, his chin tilting up just a bit higher. The first six months after the car accident, Peeta was bound to wheelchairs and crutches. The damage to his left side required so many weeks of heeling that by the time he was getting fitted for a prosthetic his muscle mass had diminished significantly. The fact that Finnick gauged his position was a testament to Finnick's quick wit and Peeta's determination to get back into shape. Peeta grinned, "Mike, yeah." he squinted humorously at Finnick, sizing him up. "Running back?"

He moved into the kitchenette, pulling out a bowl of dough from the fridge that he put in the night before.

FINNICK   CAN   SMELL   A   LIE   AT   100   PACES   ,   but   now   doesn't   seem   the   time   to   call   him   out   .   clearly   ,   it's   a   sore   subject   .   no   real   care   is   given   either   way   ,   he's   surely   overstayed   his   official   visitor   limit   twenty   times   over   .   it's   a   victimless   crime   ,   he   thinks   ,   if   everyone's   up   to   the   same   shenanigans   .

❝   shame   ,   we   should   hang   out   sometime   when   your   schedule   frees   up   ,   ❞   he   offers   noncommittally   ,   friendly   enough   to   be   genuine   ,   casual   enough   just   to   be   polite   .   he   gives   the   boy   a   quick   glance   up   and   down   as   he   tries   to   remember   anything   that   annie's   told   him   ,   coming   up   blank   .

with   a   blank   slate   ,   he   runs   solely   based   on   his   own   assumptions   .   often   correct   ,   but   never   concrete   enough   to   build   a   false   image   .   crossing   into   the   little   kitchenette   space   ,   he   roots   through   the   cabinet   until   he   finds   a   box   of   pop-tarts   marked   with   an   A   ,   munching   on   a   questionably   nutrient   dense   breakfast   .   ❝   so   ...   defensive   line   ?   ❞

[wormholxtreme]

His blood ran cold, stiff in his veins. The small reprieve of having Katniss back in his arms ended with the spitting cobra of his mother at the far side of the room. His father, looking up at Mrs. Everdeen in quiet sorrow, but surrendered all the same. He wouldn't be the one to face his mother's ire; so Peeta would have to be.

The ache rippled through his side as Peeta twisted his torso. His weight falling on the raw stitches along the side of his hip and leg, pressure causing lightning strikes of pain to radiate from his ribs down, well into the nothingness that use to be his calf and foot. But he steadied his jaw against the grinding pain, protecting Katniss from his mother.

She scoffed, arms crossed over her chest, eyes narrowing dangerously. The safety of public setting would only get them so far. "She has her own room, and maybe if she wasn't such a distraction neither of you would be here."

Peeta couldn't contain the groan, the verbal cry of pain as it pulsated through his body, but it didn't stop him from propping his hand against the bed to lift himself up more. A silent stare, a dare for his mother to rise to. Would she really make a stink in the hospital? Where everyone would see? Peeta doubted it. Image meant more to her than anything.

"Fine." she finally huffed, relenting but the fire in her eyes told Peeta this was only a temporary concession. "But I don't want her hospital charges on your bill. Which is already outrageous!"

Exhaustion seeped into his bones as he slowly melted back into the bed and into Katniss's embrace. His eyes closed tight, breathing into the pain until it stopped thudding. "We're alive at least." Peeta muttered. He didn't need to see to know his mother rolled her eyes.

"Woulda been cheaper if you weren't." she muttered, barely audible.

Peeta was there, and alive and god did she miss touching him. Katniss nuzzled her nose back against his, exhaling a soft exasperated gasp. "Peeta, n-no! It came out of nowhere" She pulled back, searching his eyes. "It's not your fault, it's not"

Her lips softly lifted, a blush on her features when he acknowledged her confession. "I can do that" She mumbled, her gaze dropping to his lips. She missed him, she missed this. Before they could even kiss, Katniss froze like a deer. Her whole body went stiff, spine straightening, lips pressed into a hard, thin line. The warmth of the moment—his words, the light in his eyes, the closeness of his breath vanished, sucked out of the room like smoke under a door.

Katniss didn’t move, didn’t blink, her jaw clenched so tight it ached. Her fingers, which had just moments ago been tangled gently in his shirt, curled. She didn’t look away from Peeta, but her whole body radiated tension, a wall thrown up in an instant. Not out of fear. But to keep herself from saying something she'd regret.

Asterid slipped back into the room, sharing a sideway glance at Ortho. A warning would of been nice. "The kids wanted to see one another"

[wormholxtreme]

His answer was honest, but flippant. A symptom of a man who was so use to pain it barely registered any more. Not that he was impervious to it. A little buckle of his knee on occasion that would send a lightning twinge up his stump and through his leg, linger with phantom pains. A tightness in his muscles that never quite learned how to relax even with all the years of therapy. His whole life, there was only one time he truly felt like he had learned to let the tension go. Six months into being back in twelve, laying next to Katniss, feeling her heart beat in sync with his own. A moment that he knew wasn't fleeting, that he believed could be for the end of time.

Back in the Capitol though, it all resurfaced. Sleep was the only reprieve and even then he'd wake up with a tension in his jaw from how tightly he'd been clenching. He'd go like that until his body physically wouldn't let him. Katniss knew it. She understood what it meant to move based on survival, how it numbed the pain but everything else along with it. He was grateful for her scolding. A reminder that he was allowed to be human.

Peeta would have made a joke to ease her ire. Something just self insulting enough to catch her off guard and make her roll her eyes endearingly. But then she was naked. Olive skin pebbling in the steaming air. Radiant.

She didn't have to wait long for him to scoot on into the shower, settling on the bench and taking her wrists to gently pull her closer. Feeling the warmth of water sprinkle around them. She had said something but words were not computing at the moment. Not just yet. He urged her closer, daring to lift himself up, balanced on one leg to kiss her senselessly, like a man dying of thirst and finally getting a drink of water.

He nodded breaking this kiss to answer her, lips brushing against hers as he spoke in a whisper. "I don't think you'll have to do much convincing Katniss."

She gave him a look when he answered, a pointed 'are you kidding me' expression that she soon rolled her eyes to shrug off. She was done fighting with him for the night, done scolding him, but the look said enough for him to know she wasn't entirely pleased with that particular answer. "We'll discuss that later"

Katniss checked the temp again, satisfied with the warmth before she reached behind to unclip her bra. There were brief moments of shyness, like at that moment but it was more so because it had been so long since they'd spent any kind of intimate time together.

"How badly does it hurt?" Katniss slipped off her panties, quickly slipping into the shower as she waited for Peeta to make the slide over after he removed the prosthetic. She couldn't stop the sharp inhale as the water hit her back, nor the sigh of relief after. "You know, I'm going to persuade you that tomorrow you keep it off." And while that would make doing anything a little more difficult, if Peeta hadn't taken any days off she knew he was likely in a bit of pain. Not that he'd ever show that to the public. "Maybe by convincing you to stay in bed all day"

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Peeta looked up from his leg to that soft quality in her voice. She only said his name like that, with that special kind of quality, when he struck a chord of endearment. He loved it when she spoke his name like that, almost as sweet as when she was gasping his name to the heavens.

He gave a little shrug. She was right. Normalcy was not their version of normal. Even in the outskirts of twelve, shadows of trauma followed them like smoke. Here in the Capitol it was more pervasive and all consuming.

There was a small hiss as the pressure in his leg released and the suction on his stub relented. He couldn't stop the sigh of relief from escaping his lungs. Almost nine years since he lost his leg and it was easier to stay on it all day long. Still, after extended periods of time it would ache, even longer it would rub raw.

"Let's see, when was the last time you took it off for me?" Peeta asked, the days blurring together. "Not last night but the night before? I fell asleep at my desk last night right?"

"You can try" She shot back, watching as Peeta began to carefully remove the rest of his own clothing. Katniss turned, busying herself with turning on the shower and moving to make sure they had towels waiting for them. Another benefit of the Capitol was the showers, and the little cutouts to make sure the towels stayed warm. Katniss might of hated many things about the Capitol, but she did enjoy the hot showers. It was the only thing she still liked about their home in 12.

"Peeta" Her cheeks flushed at his question, more so because he was purposefully trying to lighten the mood between them. And it was working. "It's just....it feels....particularly normal" Katniss began tugging the intricate feathers out of her hair, the glitter would hopefully come out in the shower.

"And it isn't exactly like our lives are...normal" At least, not in any usual sense of the word. They'd never live entirely normal lives, at least not in the Capitol or even in another district. Twelve was likely the closest they'd get, and that felt very far. Checking the temp of the water, a soft sigh escaped her lips. It was the best part after a stressful day, and for the first time in what felt like weeks was that Peeta was joining her. "By the way, how long have you been wearing it?"

[wormholxtreme]

Understatement of the night, he more than liked it when the fabric of the dress slipped off her hips. Beautiful lacy garments covering the most intimate areas. Even battle scared and exhausted, she looked radiant in the bathroom light. That shyness in her smile, even if they'd seen each other physically and emotionally naked hundreds a times, it persisted.

Lucky was a word occasionally thrown around. Not that many people considered the 74th victors very lucky, but when compared to their counterparts, it was hard to deny. In this moment, Peeta considered himself more than lucky. He was absolutely blessed to be in her divine presence.

Fingertips played gently with the lace on her hip. Not quite edging for more, but enough to bridge the distance between them, playfully. But Katniss wasn't letting him distract her.

He rolled his head with a chuckle and a smile and a boyish roll of his eyes. "Can't sneak anything past you." he mused playfully. "Alright alright." he nodded in agreement, stepping carefully out of his slacks and sitting on the bench poised beside their shower to start the dismantling process.

"What's silly about being happy to see your favorite person next to you in the morning?" he asked with a grin.

"I think you'll like it better off" Katniss couldn't stop the smile from forming on her lips as he kissed her, her gray eyes almost sparkling at his suggestion. "Really?" Even if he was working, getting out of the Capitol. . .Katniss couldn't imagine a better way to escape the cage they were in. Somewhere she could walk outside, where people weren't worshipping the ground beneath their feet.

The districts often treated them like people, not all of them but....it would at least be an improvement from this. "I think that's a wonderful idea, Mellark" Katniss finished popping the buttons of his shirt, releasing her hold on the fabric. Her eyebrows wiggled up at him, taking a tiny step back to shimmy out of her dress. What was left was a matching lacy set, and the ridiculous heels that Effie picked out. She felt ridiculous standing there like that, but she offered Peeta a shy smile.

She at least knew he'd like the view.

"I'll start the water, that" She motioned towards his leg, "Has been on too long. Don't think I didn't notice" She gave him a pointed look that softened after a second, reaching down to slip off the heels. "Is it silly to say i'm excited I get to wake up with you tomorrow?"

[wormholxtreme]

That hopefulness in her eyes, the cute little way her smile tugged at the corners of her mouth and her nose turned up to look at him. She was darling, even with the make up that made her cheekbones look more striking and her eyes darker, she was still Katniss, his Katniss.

Peeta didn't bother hiding his own smile as it crept into his lips. His hands found their way to her hips. Natural and easy, where they always belonged. Nothing could tear him away from her in this moment, watching her intricately undo one button after the other. The whole world disappeared under her touch.

No thoughts of laws, governance. No worry of death and destruction. Just her. The love of his life, slowly claiming him again. She said he allowed another woman to touch him. Not like this. Not where the world melted away and the barrage of thoughts that usually swirled around his head drifted off into the ether.

"You know, I didn't even get the chance to appreciate you in this dress. You are breathtaking." He ran his hand up the slip of her dress, slowly dragging the zipper down.

He laughed, leaning in to press lips to hers gently. "A full weekend? Maybe we should make it a travel weekend. I'm supposed to be the president of the people right? I think we should check in on the districts. What about you?"

Katniss melted into his embrace, clinging into him as if they'd been apart again for another six years. They may not of physically been apart, but emotionally it felt as if they'd been on two different sides. "Really?" There was a faint smile at the corner of her lips, one that remained as he tapped her chin to prompt her head to tilt back. "You know, I might have to convince you to take another day after that"

She gave Peeta a subtle nod, smoothing her hands over his button up shirt. "I think....That sounds like a great idea" Her fingers shifted to unbutton the first one, moving down to undo the second one. "Besides...I can't get out of this dress without you" And while she would never suspect Effie of purposefully choosing outfits that pushed them together, she was thankful in this moment.

"You owe me a date night. Actually, I want a full weekend" Katniss paused as the first few buttons were undone, taking a second to press her palm into his chest. It'd been so long since she felt connected to him, and this? A full day with him, Katniss was going to make sure the doors stayed lock just to give them some damn time together.

[wormholxtreme]

Muscles rigid and taunt from the shear amount of will he was using to keep himself upright. The delicate balance of wanting to feel her touch, but worried he didn't deserve it. Not after what he'd said so callously. But he was just a man.

Peeta melted into her touch. Relaxing his jaw at her behest. A simple gesture, yet it meant everything to be safe enough in her presence to be soft. He stepped closer, inching into her space. The well of water at the corner of her eyes framed by the same longing and exhaustion he felt. He nodded in answer. "Everything we do, is to get back home." he reiterated.

Her head resting on his chest, that soft little spot where she belonged, right above his heart, inked with her symbol. Peeta wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling into the top of her head. Soft little kisses in her hair.

"Let someone else make the speech tomorrow." he said, voice soft but sturdy. "We can say there's still an investigation going on and with the assassination attempt on my life before, it's only a safety measure to keep us out of the public eye for a day until we can prove we're safe."

Peeta gently tapped her chin to look up at him. Remorse still painted his eyes, but the storm seemed to have ebbed and flowed away. "Shower with me? I don't want to be without you."

Her fingers curved more firmly against the line of his jaw, her gaze softening. They weren't against one another, they were a team. She searched his face, her shoulders dropping. She was tired too, tired of being so full of anger when really it was grief. She missed him, their life, their home. Her thumb traced lightly along his cheekbone, a silent answer. “Then we’ll just have to make that our goal” she murmured, steady but low, as if making a promise to both of them. "That we go home" Afterall, that's all either of them wanted in their games.

Katniss shifted until she could curl herself into his chest, a heavy sigh escaping her throat. "Cancel tomorrow" She mumbled, her arms curled against his chest. "Please, just—stay with me. Make up some excuse, I don't care, just...stay" And while she knew it was completely not the time to ask, Katniss was asking anyway. "I know you'll have to give some appearance because of tonight but just, do it and come back here"

[wormholxtreme]

First team meeting with my new team and manager today that I was voluntold to go to:

Him: Just be honest with me, with how you're feeling, with what you need.

Me: I'm not trying to get fired dude iunno you like that

[wormholxtreme]

He didn't know. Didn't have a direct way of answering how, just knew that he had to. As surly as he had to get into the Career pack their first game. As desperately as he needed to stay awake in the cave when she pleaded for him not to slip into the sweet embrace of unconsciousness. As solidly as he needed to find his way back to her in the middle of a hijacking episode. He didn't know how, but he had no choice.

"I want that too Katniss. I want to watch the way you look over each plant you bring home as we add it to the memory book. The way you look after Haymitch and his little goslings. That little smile when you think I don't see you glancing at me across the room. Sleepy morning kisses when you're sneaking off at the crack of dawn and I'm not quite awake yet but you always let me know before you go." Peeta sighed, his chin tilting into her fingertips, aching for her touch.

Finally he brought his gaze up to hers, dipping his chin to make sure he caught her eyes. "I miss you every second of every day. I dream about being home, about being with you. Katniss, you're my reason for being. I...I would have given up a long time ago if it weren't for you."

Her shoulders dropped as he took his turn to tend to her hands. They couldn't help it, always taking turns taking care of one another. "Peeta" Katniss was cut off, Peeta rambling and offering every solution he could think of. Her heart ached at the sound of his voice, the way it sounded defeated, broken.

"How? They have you up already at the crack of dawn, you need...we need...time. Real time together, no cameras and no Captiol just....us, home." Or anywhere that wasn't here. "You waking up to bake because you go to sleep early like an old man, me shooting us game for dinner...I want that husband. I want that life." Katniss winced slightly as her hand flexed, completely distracted that they were even here to get the salve in the first place.

"I don't...recognize you sometimes" Her fingertips lift to ghost along his jawline, almost cupping his face. "You don't smile anymore" It didn't feel like the sun was shining on her when he smiled, it felt plastic. Practiced. "Wd don't kiss...like before" There was no denying the shyness in her confession, the way her cheeks deepened in a blush. It conflicted with her head, the sadness that sat in the back of her throat. "Do you miss me?"

[wormholxtreme]

She was right. The danger Glint possessed was more than just to his own life. He had a golden noose around the throat of the very country, poised and ready to fall through the gallows. Peeta was the only thing standing in his way really, and he got shot for it. It was only natural his team and Katniss who cared to keep bullets from finding their mark.

Peeta followed her into the bathroom, watching her methodically tend to her wounds. Not just the ones on her hands, but the ones he left on her heart this night. Maybe she was right. Maybe he wasn't the man she loved anymore. That thought broke something so fragile in his chest, he was afraid nothing would stop the bleeding.

It was his turn now. He turned the faucet on, letting the water run warm and gently took her hand to rub the dried blood off and clean her wounds. "Caught up in the games." he admitted. Whatever his reasoning, whatever his defense to her accusations, he wouldn't use them.

Truth was, he'd been juggling so much that he dropped the ball when it came to her, and she was the most precious thing in the world to him. He could see the road, the way they were fighting for a future that would be good enough for her, but if he drove her away, what real future would there be?

"If it bothers you that Cymbeline is my stylist, I'll find someone who doesn't. Maybe get up an hour earlier to make you breakfast?" he stated, running a clock through his head at how exactly he'd manage it. Sleep was the easiest commodity to trade and he'd trade it for her. "Carve out some time just us? What...what else do you need?"

The desperation laced his words, more than the exhaustion, more than the pain.

"He tried to have you killed, Peeta." Katniss knew the backlash was justified, she understood where Peeta was coming from and yet...his words still echoed in her head. Her stomach soured as she replayed them, but her attention remained on his hand. "Just so you know, they don't plot much without you" Katniss shifted, uncomfortable in her dress but unable to ask for help. Not when everything felt so fragile between them. ". . .It was a calculated risk to make sure he didn't come after you again" A pause, like she wasn't sure how to put her next thought into words.

". . .I know you're sorry but Peeta.....You can't take that back. You can't....undo what you said and I..." A brief moment where her gaze lifted, before immediately landing back on his hand. "I can't forget it now" She mumbled, lifting the ice to inspect his hand. Another deflection, another way to somehow bridge the divide between them "We have salve in the bathroom for both of us" Katniss could feel the exhaustion coming off of him, it was nearly identical to her own. They were both tired, in more ways than one. Perhaps the most exhausting, was that they were fighting one another.

"I'm so tired of it here, Peeta...The rumors, the attempts on your life....The games we have to play against one another" Katniss leaned against the counter, undoing his tie from around her hand. "I miss my husband. . .The one who laughed and baked....Who spent time with me" Katniss felt her voice grow soft, "The one who wouldn't ever let another woman put her hands on him. Where did he go?"

[wormholxtreme]

There was a notion of feeling in his hand. A sting, a slight throb, but it was at the back of his mind. Like static that clung to a radio signal if one listened for it hard enough. But right now, all his attention, all his focus was on her. He let her manipulate his hand, rest the ice bag on top of it, but he didn't take his eyes off of her.

"I know. I know." he started, feeling the adrenaline leave his system and sap out all the energy he had left. "I don't think of you that way. You would never do things Snow did. Things these people think I'll do for them. Just the thought that my team, people I trust could use one of his tactics, Katniss I'm the first truly elected president since before the Dark Days. If my administration could do these things, what other tactics are you guys plotting without telling me? And what does that mean for the future of the country? Add that just a few hours ago I was pleading for us to be on the same page, so that no matter what happens, it's always gonna be you and me against the world if push came to shove."

He shrugged, that sigh of desperation and resignation etched into his features. "I'm sorry."

It was scary how easy it would be to slip back into old habits. There was no forest to run away in, but all the same she felt the need to run. She'd stopped running once they found each other again, but in this moment it felt like the only protection she had.

Katniss went through the motions of putting ice within a towel, rolling it up and twisting it. Peeta was talking, and while she did agree to his words, they needed to talk— she wasn't sure the words she wanted to say fit anymore. That she was sorry, that she was frustrated with their lack of time together. Most of all, Katniss missed her husband. The man who could always make her laugh, the one she feel asleep with cuddled up.

"We need to ice your hand before it swells anymore" When she turned, her gaze didn't lift to meet his face. Instead her focus pulled towards his hand, bringing it up to the counter to carefully place the ice rag on it. For a few very long seconds, Katniss didn't know how to respond to his bid for conversation. She felt tapped out.

"I wanted to talk. I wanted....to be honest with you. Why do you think I...." Katniss felt her heart clench, wondering when and where this distance happened. ". . .I don't think I have anything to say right now Peeta. I don't know how much more honesty I can take if that's what you think of me."

[wormholxtreme]

Sharp, like a knife piercing between his ribs. Her voice straining, her body jerking away from him. How could he have been so reckless with her? Even in his anger. He should have known better, should have been better. He took punishment, he didn't dish it out. And yet, everything boiled over under the pressure until it exploded. He never wanted to be like his mother, and in this moment, he had wounded the person he loved more than anything just the way he'd been taught how. With a knife and a twist.

He didn't reach for her again. Didn't ask for forgiveness. He'd reap the consequences however they fell. Nodding in agreement. The comparison wasn't fair. No matter what her reasoning, even if she was wrong to do it, it still wasn't fair to put her targeting Glint in the same vein as Snow's many many devious plots to control Panem and remain in power.

Even as she touched his hand, inspecting the damage to the back of it, Peeta could feel her slipping away. He stayed close, just in case she teetered in her dress, but otherwise let the few inches stay between them.

"Katniss, stop, please. It wasn't - I shouldn't have - just pause for a second? We have been at each other's throats all night and we can't just leave it like this."

Her body jerked back at the ghost of his touch, his voice raw and edged like right after the games. “Don’t,” she rasped, the sound breaking more like a cough than a word. It could have meant anything — don’t touch me, don’t look at me, don’t take back what you said — but whatever the meaning, the plea was too late. The damage was already planted deep, his words threading through every memory of Snow she’d tried for years to bury.

She swallowed, the movement strained, her ribs still aching from the heaving. “You don’t get to—” Her voice fractured, the rest falling into silence, swallowed by the pounding in her ears. Peeta tilted her head up, and her face jerked from his touch. "You don't get to compare me to him" Katniss glanced at his hand, bloodied almost identical to hers.

"Ever." She continued, fat tears rolling out of her eyes and down her cheeks. "I was trying to protect you" Katniss pulled his hand down into her lap, almost ready to let go before she sighed. "...You need ice" She mumbled, her heart aching. No matter how angry they were...she couldn't let him bleed, or ignore that they needed to make sure his hand wasn't broken.

Her stomach wanted to lurch again, but Katniss inhaled air so sharply until she forced the feeling back down. She winced as she struggled to stand, the dress restricting her movements. "I'll get some" She mumbled, her voice void of any real emotion. Like she was 17 again, shutting down and shutting everyone out. Her care was automatic, functional. But behind gray eyes was a girl that was running.

[wormholxtreme]

When the words left his lips, they were sharp and venomous. A genuine question, but intended to wound, not to understand. Whether it was the show of violence, the spitting of words, or the combination of both, Peeta saw the fear glaze over in her eyes. The immediate need to retreat. Not even to defend. But to run away from him and his onslaught as quickly as possible.

A shattering of a potted plant, and crash of her to the floor for a second time this night pulled Peeta out of his raging stupor. His jaw immediately relaxed, the breath in his lungs released. A pang of guilt washing away the tsunami of anger, pulling it out with the tide just as quickly as it came crashing down on the dredges of his marriage.

Peeta rushed to her side, kneeling down next to her as she seemed to choke on imperceptible fumes. He held his hands up, not touching her, not with hands capable of such fury, but around her. "Katniss?" his voice cracking with the strain of everything that finally broke through his cultivated walls.

"I-I-" what could he say? That he was sorry? That he didn't mean to? But he did. In his pain and rage, he lashed out. Something he promised himself he'd never do. Yet, he'd taken a page out of his mother's book anyway. Hitting Katniss where it hurt the most.

He reached for her, breaking through the invisible boundary he was holding himself to, pulling her chin up to look at him.

Peeta’s fist met the wall — and again Katniss was reminded that Peeta wasn't just looks, he had strength behind those clothes. The skin across his knuckles flushed dark, swelling as blood pooled beneath it. Katniss stood watching, feeling her body freeze inch by inch as he took his anger out.

The question landed like a stone in her gut. The name dragged the rest of him with it — the scent of roses thick in the air, the cold smile that saw straight through her, a president standing before her. For a heartbeat, Peeta’s face blurred with that ghost, accusation and betrayal layered together until she couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began.

Katniss’s stomach clenched hard enough to steal her breath. Her head shook once, twice — reflexive, desperate but her body was already revolting. She staggered around the corner, toward the only thing within reach: a potted plant with wide, trembling leaves. Her knees hit the floor as her fingers curled around cool ceramic. The rest came in waves the sour bite of bile, the convulsions that pulled her forward, the sound of her own gasps filling the room. She stayed bent over the plant, forehead pressed to the greenery, soil and acid mixing in the back of her throat. The roses still clung to her senses, refusing to be shaken off, and the shame burned hotter than the strain in her ribs — that she had given him even the smallest reason to compare her to the man she hated most.

It wasn’t just the comparison that made her ill it was that it came from him. From the boy who’d once been the only thing keeping her tethered. The damage was already done. The words burned into her brain. She'd done it to protect him, to eliminate a threat. Peeta didn't see it that way, he saw her no better than Snow.

[wormholxtreme]

That softness in her voice, coaxing him back from the brink of panic. Everyday was hard. Ever decision carried with it the weight of the future and that wasn't even including the plots to rip these demons out of the Capitol. Peeta had been on edge from the moment he stepped on the train and was sworn in, and every day the tightness in his chest grew a little more. Constricting his lungs and heart until he was afraid he couldn't breathe. Right now, this moment, coming down from the fear that Katniss could have been hurt, the dam was leaking.

Peeta rested his head in her lap, her arms around him a sanctuary from the world. A reprieve for just a moment where he could let it go in the safety of her arms. Whatever spat they had when the night began, it dissipated, unworthy of his time or attention, when all he needed was her.

Their transition from the car to their apartment, seamless, easy. The fatigue beginning to take it's toll but there was still work to be done. Damage control on the nights events. A statement to be released to the citizens of Panem that they were safe, despite the unfortunate death of Glossamer Glint. So Peeta was confused when she faltered and asked him to make sure the device to block any potential surveillance was set.

He obliged immediately, the furrow of his brow set the confusion as the words tumbling from her lips. As recognition set in, fear, worry, anxiety, all of it numbed out, replaced by a white hot fire.

Peeta stepped away from her, reeling back, shaking his head in furious disbelief. She lied to him, she omitted some shadowed plan with Gale, she put everything they'd been putting in place at risk, everything he'd been killing himself over precariously placed on a thin wire with no safety net.

He could feel his voice cords vibrate with such intensity as if he was going to scream them raw. The feeling in his stomach boiling up into his chest so harshly there was no where for it to go. He turned his back on her, trying to find calm, trying to find a way to ground himself but there was nothing to stop the tidal wave.

Frustration so thick it turned into rage, and in a split second, his fist cracked through the dry wall. Over and over, pummeling through the sheet rock until the dent of his fist imprint turned into a hand sized hole.

When he pulled his hand back, the backside was raw and red, small streaks of blood where it scraped along the sharpened edges of the hole. Bits of blue already seeping into his skin tone around the swelling redness.

He finally turned back to her, jaw set dangerously, but only pain sat behind his eyes. Never able to truly master a deadly look behind them, no matter his fury.

"Are. you. trying. to be like Snow? Or is that just a sick goddamn coincidence?"

"Peeta" Katniss wrapped her arms around him, pulling him as close as she physically could. "It's okay, I'm okay, nothing is going to happen" The words almost make her sick, mirroring words she'd said to Prim. Her throat tightens, memories threatening to drown her. Katniss tensed under him, pulling back.

“Peeta, I’m sorry—I’m sorry.” The words tumbled out, ragged and desperate. Her stomach lurched, and she nearly choked on her own breath as she turned toward him. “Do you— the bug—” Time stretched unbearably, each second a weight until she knew they were safe. Only then did her tears come, hot and unstoppable. “It’s my fault,” she gasped. “It’s mine. He’s the one who shot you and Gale and I— I didn’t know I’d get separated from you, or— or—” Katniss pulled back, lungs straining against the corset, the guilt swelling inside her until it felt like it might shatter her from the inside. "It was our poison"

Katniss had never worried before of Peeta falling out of love, but she felt it now. The rising panic she'd finally crossed a line too far, that Peeta would pull away. And how could she blame him if he did? They'd sworn no more secrets, but there they were, with what felt like a huge gap between them. "I gave him the poison" The words are hoarse as she finally sputters them out, her limbs going limp at the admission of guilt.

[wormholxtreme]

Me @ppctts waiting for my tumblr wife to come back from war the hell of capitalism

[wormholxtreme]

@inthesp0tlight | For THG President Peeta Starter!

Blissful. Enraptured. The last year of his life could be described as nothing less. Finally, after the years spent in the Capitol, following doctor's orders, running through the motions of life like a hamster on a wheel, things had shifted. He was home. Not a living legend, not a victor, just a baker's boy finally living with the love of his life.

That is, until the candidates for the first official election started popping up on the television.

At first he didn't pay any mind. In the wake of Paylor's term, the final pieces of a true republic put into place, he didn't care. Baking bread while Katniss spent her early mornings hunting until mid morning they were ready to take their wares to the remaining citizens of twelve was about all the politics Peeta could stomach. But then the calls started coming in.

The slight hinted concern in Annie's voice at some comment a candidate made. A rough callous call out from Joanna about another. Even Haymitch started coming over to watch broadcasts, throwing in a grunt or even a comment, gently fishing for a bite from them too. The general consensus came through though. All the remaining victors could feel it, like a sixth sense. The Hunger Games may have been abolished, but the soul of Panem, and the safety of it's people were still very much up for grabs.

When they joined together, a serious chat disguised as victor reunion, it was Haymitch's voice that cut through the murmurs. That pointed out who in all of Panem could run against these puppets. When eyes laid on Peeta, he outright laughed. A ridiculous notion. Until it wasn't. Until he could see the future he and Katniss, and the entire rebellion fought so hard for, lost so much for, burn into flames of forgotten symbols.

But Katniss wouldn't be joining him in the Capitol, couldn't. His greatest friend, love, and ally, half a country away. Though he was grateful when Mary Jane walked onto the train. A bright smile and an easy that could have brought the nation to it's knees.

Peeta gave her a smile back. No, not having his district partner in these new games would be hard, but having allies was still a blessing. "MJ, thank the gods someone to finally liven up this train ride a bit huh?" he greeted her.

"You sure you up for it though?" he asked. The pleasantries and calm demeanor dripping with ease, but the question was loaded. Willingly stepping back into the Capitol was not an easy feat for a victor.