xcaitlinx

[xcaitlinx]

introverted personality .

Hello, it's been a while since ive encountered a thought, let alone a thought to put on Tumblr. So where do I begin? 

Well all I can say is that throughout the years...  I used to be extremely extroverted. Until .... I wasn't.... 

     so over college ive been introduced to a lot of new experiences. Working. College parties. Hookups. relationships. harassment. cueing of companies. Betrayal. Being broken hearted. freedom. drugs. alcohol. blah blah blah. But the more ive done it the more I realized I put on a face that recollects data and analyzes what to do to feel welcomed. “if I lose weight ill be welcomed and attractive.” “If. I act confident and loud people will listen to me.” “ if I do this, and so will like me more.” the more I realized it instead of me manipulating the situation, they were manipulating my mind and body to feel like something I thought I was supposed to be. It wasn't me. 

    I learned from a specific person that I can't let people walk over me. And that is when I realized who were my true friends. I realized my worst flaws through people. Ive gained social triggers and ptsd. Why? because being extroverted ended with a lot of consequences. I ended relationships because they weren't good for me. Ive learned how to put myself first because of people ive dated at the wrong time. Ive been cheated on and got stronger from that. Ive learned how to respect myself.Ive learned how to love myself and to love being by myself. 

    ive learned that gaining weight is natural and that it shouldn't be an insecurity when it comes to being a bit bigger than models on ig. Ive learned that its okay to say no in situations that introduce pressure to you. Its okay to go at a pace were you want to do something like college. its okay to not be okay and to get help if you need it. its okay to lose a best friend who is toxic for you. 2020 I learned a lot from quarantine. People hate for no reason and that's okay. 

    All of this while being more into myself. More introverted. more at peace. 

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YELLOW AND DENIM

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@radmilasad @sashatikhomirov

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Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009) Dir. Bruce Hendricks

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Current mood: Lizzo dancing to Motivation

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