xilianr

[xilianr]

Could you please tell how you intended to end "How Do You Know You Are Home"? Even after all those years is still my favorite story and I always wanted to know how it would end

So, I debated a long moment how I wanted to answer this. I apologize for the time it took me to respond, especially since I can't give you the answer I think you wanted. (Which hopefully is a good thing.) You see, my dear Reader, I have every chapter mapped out. I know exactly how this story ends. I have Levi, Mike , and Erwin drifting around in my head lost kittens, looking for their home. I want to finish this story and after stepping away for so long, without giving up hope of ever finishing it, I found the lost piece again: The Reader Character's Voice.

Not trying to get too into the weeds about what happened, I'll sum up with I am not the same me I was *looks*, ugh 5 whole years ago. I mean, the WORLD isn't the same as it was five years ago. And in the time I lost Reader's voice, along with some other struggles, but what really stopped me from coming back to finish my work was not being able to even look at Reader, she hurt me to see. I debated explaining that more, but I think that is not something I want to share with the world. I will just say that I had to find her again, elsewhere, changed, but enough the same to finally move forward.

I hope to actually give you the chapters I long to write, complete the story I was telling, and don't feel I should place my story's intentions here. Instead I would like to tell you how the story won't end, and why. Reader will not be rescued by some agency. I never intended to write an ending where some abstract system outside my narrative swooped in and fixed this. The reason being: This story is about the mental healthcare system. Some people get the help they need, but too many don't and it is NOT by some agency coming in and fixing it for them. Too many are left trapped in the cage of their reality, their suffering, with no way out. They can't help themselves and the system that could help them, doesn't.

That is why Reader won't just escape, either. She won't just run away from her issues and have some random character save her as she runs to their door, asking for help. That's not the story I was writing. I wanted to show how we look at things with a skewed lens, I wanted to show the slip of normalcy that can leave someone trapped in their struggle but still find happiness, love, a home, and even some flavor of freedom, good or bad as that might be. That is what I am exploring here. Hope as the hopeless, love surrounded by suffering, freedom when eternally lost in the system. I don't like sad ending either. I choose where the story ends. I can write another chapter, I can write one less, so I don't want to end on misery when misery is not the point. As long as a person does not give up and accept their mental health situation, I genuinely think there is a way to change, to improvement. A life with happiness, love, and a home. It might not look like other homes, other happinesses, other lives, but it can be enough to be worth fighting for. Finding our way is not always linear, in fact I would be so bold as to say it is rarely so. My story will reflect that. I will also warn that I am a fan of stories that tie up all the loose ends but not a fan of stories that tell you all that the future holds. I want to encourage my audience to keep the story going as long as they need, to change how they need after I let go of the reins, to change however they might need it to down the line. A conclusion, but only to my part of the story, not the whole story. Some folks hate that type of ending, others love it. I'm one of the ones that enjoys it and tragically, as the author/editor/publisher, I'm gonna go the way I like.

So, thank you for wanting to know how it will end. I am sorry to disappoint you. I hope to reward your patience soon as well as forgive my self indulgence. Be well, dear Reader, I want only the best for you.

[xilianr]

It's been 3 years, did you gave up on "How Do You Know You Are Home?"

The short answer is: nope! I have not given up on my story.

To expand, I have a few stories that are missing endings. I want deeply to finish all of them and HDYKYAH is actually the most plotted out and logical work to finish first. I have an ending and nearly all the major points set, with enough flexibility to bring in some elements that I really want to incorporate. Some things I intend to change as AOT's manga conclusion shifted some things but mostly I think the story will remain unchanged from my original conception.

Thing is there have been issues. The biggest is that as a non-binary creator I am having a hard time writing a female Reader. I always struggled bringing in that element and now it is truly hard to write her as she was when I started. I have lost her voice and need to find a way to bring it back. Also life has been rough for everyone, myself included, these last few years. In 2020 I started therapy just in time for shutdowns here in the US, my friend died of a heart attack at 35, the social commentary online shifted dramatically from connectivity to polarized animosity, and I found even people I called friend miles away. The isolation so many were drowning in felt like safety and my severe agoraphobia felt almost like a blessing as the world got so crushingly small. A blow still healing is the loss of my eldest cat to old age last November. The hurts over this time still find ways to ache larger than I think possible. I am getting help and finding my footing slowly but surely, but it has been hard and slow going. It isn't all bad. I am engaged to a wonderful, loving man that writes with me and encourages me in every way. I still have my two cats that fill my days with joy, including the inspiration to the cat in most of my stories. For as loud as the voices on the internet are against me, my safety and simple existence, there are many fighting for me without ever knowing of me or my struggles. All of this is just a very long way of saying, I want to finish what I started and have yet to give up on being able to, but that more time is definitely going to pass before I get even one more chapter out. I am sorry to make you wait so long but I hope you understand my need to take care of myself first.

It will be a while longer, but I do want to finish my story. If for no other reason, I wasn't done telling that tale.

Thank you for your interest! Hopefully, be seeing you again, soon.

[xilianr]

Are you going to continue "SiN" and "Muse" series too?

I do intend to finish up “SiN” and “Muse” as well! “SiN” only has a chapter, maybe two, to go and I will have “Muse” posted in full eventually. The reworking may possibly be able to go up in quicker succession. It all really depends on how many “spoons” it takes to get back into posting. :3

[xilianr]

Can I ask if the Reader in the "How do you know" series have a specific type of body for being about the porn industry? Or it can be any type, like someone with small boobs that normally is not so popular? Please feel free to ignore this question if it makes you uncomfortable.

This is a fine question! 

Reader’s description is intentionally vague to allow anyone, including individuals like myself who have substantial scars to folks with a variety of different body types, to enjoy the story more easily. The only body type implication in the story is that Reader is athletic enough to engage in running effectively, which my research shows can span a very wide range of fitness levels. Also, while I don’t outright say there is no makeup products, just in case someone is especially insecure about that, it is implied that Reader is not wearing makeup or being especially primped. It is meant to present as a niche in the industry that is known for very authentic looking yet darker themes. From a world building angle, one of the elements that makes the movies sell so well is the “efforts to crate realism behind the productions, the looking so natural,” rather tragically by being real. 

I hoped that any member of my audience would feel like they could add as much of their real self into this story as desired, regardless of body type, complexion, or age. Clearly it is impossible to make a Reader insert 100% inclusive of every person, but I do try to give as much room as I can while still filling in enough details to keep Reader from feeling absent from the story. 

TLDR: No, Reader does not need to have, or is even implied to have, a specifically traditional body type for the industry. She can easily be less endowed and still fit perfectly into the role.

Hope that answers your question and thank you for asking! :3

[xilianr]

It's been more than a year, but is there hope that you'll post more/finish the How do you know series? I'm so deeply invested in it, it hurts.

Sorry for the late response, I ended up “using too many spoons” recently and it took some mustering to get back to you. Hehe, I do have every intention of still finishing my series. This past year has been a rough one, the new one starting of with its own set of tribulations. Adds up to no updates in the immediate future, and for that I am sorry. I can’t bear to leave the series unfinished, but won’t be updating as soon as I would like either. Hopefully I will be able to string together new offerings soon. Thank you for enjoying my work and for reaching out to express as much. I am truly grateful.

[xilianr]

Cassandra Jean  -  http://cassandrajp.tumblr.com  -  https://www.instagram.com/cassieclare1  -  http://cassandrajeanart.blogspot.com.es  -  https://twitter.com/CassandraJP  -  https://society6.com/cassandrajean/prints

[xilianr]

Wuxiaoxian  -  https://gracg.com/user/wuxiaoxian

[xilianr]

Yun Ling  -  https://lingy000.tumblr.com  -  https://www.instagram.com/lingy000  -  https://www.lingy000.com  -  https://twitter.com/lingy000?lang=es  -  https://www.linkedin.com/in/lingy0  -  https://www.facebook.com/yun.ling.904

[xilianr]

A hauntingly beautiful forest on the Isle of Skye, Scotland [1760x2250] [OC] - Author: jetclarke on reddit

[xilianr]

Xi Zhang  -  http://atara.lofter.com  -  https://www.instagram.com/zhangxii_art  -  https://www.weibo.com/zhangxii?is_hot=1

[xilianr]

Yliade  -  https://www.artstation.com/ellyade  -  https://www.facebook.com/Ellyade83  -  https://yliade-illustrations.tumblr.com  -  https://twitter.com/yliade2?lang=es  -  https://www.instagram.com/yliade.art  -  https://www.etsy.com/es/shop/Yliade  

[xilianr]

Dog Designs by Maria Sviridova

[xilianr]

Yliade  -  https://www.artstation.com/ellyade  -  https://www.facebook.com/Ellyade83  -  https://yliade-illustrations.tumblr.com  -  https://twitter.com/yliade2?lang=es  -  https://www.instagram.com/yliade.art  -  https://www.etsy.com/es/shop/Yliade  

[xilianr]

人外や近所の様子

[xilianr]

Anato Finnstark  -  http://host-grin.tumblr.com  -  https://www.facebook.com/finnstarkillustration/?ref=hl  -  https://www.artstation.com/anto-finnstark  -  https://www.patreon.com/anatofinnstark  -  http://anato-finnstark.cgsociety.org  -  https://www.instagram.com/anatofinnstark  -  https://plus.google.com/106985418551256748997  -  https://society6.com/anatofinnstark

[xilianr]

Cassandra Jean  -  http://cassandrajp.tumblr.com  -  https://www.instagram.com/cassieclare1  -  http://cassandrajeanart.blogspot.com.es  -  https://twitter.com/CassandraJP  -  https://society6.com/cassandrajean/prints

[xilianr]

As you die, you wake up in a fiery place. You quickly realize you’re in hell. You ask the next demon why you are there, as you lived a very good life. “You’re not being punished”, he says. “You are the punishment.”