xinoize

[xinoize]

It's been a year since I've vented. Wild.

Anyways, "people dont just magically lose attraction to people when they're in a relationship"

...well I do. Let's stop pretending we don't exist.

It's certainly possible to not look at other people when in a relationship. But I feel like people misunderstand this.

Is the person just glancing at them? Then they aren't noticing their attractiveness, they are looking at them as they do with literally everyone, animals and children included. Has nothing to do with attraction. It's impossible to not glance at people, it's like instinct. It's just less than a second.

Is the person looking at them for longer than a glance? Then yes, it's valid for people to think it's a problem. It might not be for you, but there is nothing wrong with people taking issue with this. I dont get why it's okay just because "they chose you". Just disrespectful. "Theyll never see them" even fucking worse.

It's got nothing to do with insecurity. I hate when people use that. There's nothing wrong with wanting someone who aligns closely to you, and if that means no porn or ogling, then so what? Find someone who doesn't care, that doesn't affect you. If you dont want someone religious, its seen as okay. If you don't want someone who is black, it's for some ungodly reason seen as okay. But that's the line drawn? It's bizarre.

And I hate the whole biological thing because it implies that they're stupid people who cant control themselves. I can control myself, and so can others. I love and definitely respect my partner, so I'd do what I can to show that.

I typically only find anime characters attractive. But when I'm in a relationship, I feel no attraction towards literally anyone but them. It's like hyperfocus tunnelvision. We exist. Stop pretending we don't.

There's a lot of things I hate about myself, but love is certainly up there.

Sometimes I cry thinking I won't find the love of my life. I don't want to settle for someone just because they're more accessible. I want to settle for someone who feels the way I do.

I want someone who fits my concept of a partner, even if that means cutting out 90% of the population.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting someone who doesn't ogle other people or watch/support porn. It's simply just wanting someone of similar values, and most importantly... wanting someone who feels the way I do. I don't want to look at other people because I already have someone to look at. No, we don't think they're going to cheat.

If this risks me being single for the rest of my life, so be it.

And it's heartbreaking because I thought I found that person. They matched EVERYTHING. Until two months ago. Two months ago made me rethink everything, and I want to fucking die. But that's normal.

I felt lied to. You say it was a mistake, but you dont just let that happen.

I am delving into madness. I'm fucking losing it.

I'm closing my commissions for a few months, I'm becoming what I hate most. This is the start of my downfall.

[xinoize]

People who think Artfol is a "positive community" has to be on some sort of high.

A positive community doesn't post call outs of other people. They block and report people they deem offensive.

A positive community doesn't look at someone sharing their vents and think "umm?? Get out of here with that".

A positive community doesn't look at someone who goes against their views and be like "go die you're not welcome".

A positive community doesn't act toxic around other people making posts about their life.

Artfol isn't positive. It's SUPPORTIVE to art, but that's it.

It's just a typical social media platform with toxic users who don't know what to do.

There is no reason to call out people, you are only helping the person hiding their tracks. Just block and report them. Anyone who finds them can do the same themselves.

[xinoize]

You aren't lazy for not wanting to work. Even if you were, it's a non-issue.

You aren't entitled for wanting basic necessities to survive (homes, food, water, clothing, healthcare, etc) to be free.

We live in a society where people are brainwashed to believe one thing over the other.

Like, why aren't these paid via taxes? People are still going to work, they just won't need to work to live comfortably anymore.

I feel like I'd enjoy life a lot better instead of wanting to off myself daily. I'd work a part-time job and would get to spend my time doing things I actually want to do.

Wouldn't have to worry about starving or losing my home.

"It's a part of life" is such a toxic excuse. Racism is also part of life, does that mean we should just be okay with it? Abuse is part of life, should we be okay with it?

Quit fucking saying "then be homeless and hunt for your own food". That's exactly the point I'm going against. And you're still working to live.

It makes zero sense to need to waste your life away just to live comfortably. Why should I care about contributing to society, when not only should I be obligated to since I didn't decide to be born, but despite being a working citizen, society doesn't care about me and my health?

You are still contributing by paying taxes. You're still contributing by buying luxuries, which go to taxes, which pay for people who provide necessities.

I should only be working to buy the luxuries I'd like in life. You don't need the luxuries, so who cares if you aren't going to get the newest console, or the top end card? You'll still live without them.

You're forced to work. Please stop deluding yourself otherwise. If it were comfortable to live on your own without working, then more people would do it.

You are required to work if you don't want to suffer on a daily basis.

Hunger hurts. Freezing feels awful.

And people are surprised when people kill themselves. Safe, guaranteed, and painless ways to die should be legalised so we wouldn't have to deal with any of this.

"Working is good for you, is necessary, and keeps your human spirit up physically and mentally!"

My health is degrading physically and mentally on a daily basis. My depression gets worse as time goes by. Say that to me again when we start working 20hr work weeks for full-time pay.

I don't thrive off working. I hate working.

But I feel like I'd hate working a lot less if necessities were paid by taxes. I'd look forward to going home buying the things I want, and enjoying those things.

If I were rich, though, I wouldn't work another day in my life. I lived off many years not working, I don't see what difference it'll make after being a billionaire.

"Then find a job you like". The job I'd like is illustration. But currently, that's not attainable. Any other job I'd like won't pay well or require some sort of education.

It's not laziness. It's not entitlement. It's me wanting to live the life I didn't ask for. It's me wanting to be happy.

If it's such an issue so much, the cost of living and necessities should be immensely reduced.

[xinoize]

It's always funny to me when people are like "why would you think X is [race]? It's pretty clear that they're not".

Like I'm sorry but for you to say that, you are entirely ignorant of light-skinned black people. It's not clear that X is white or hispanic, either. They could be something entirely different.

Miss. Doublefinger's ethnicity is unknown so it's up to interpretation. So I am going to think she's black. It's not a fact, but until Oda comes out and confirms it, this is what I believe. All interpretations are valid as long as you don't attack people over your "headcannon".

Also like, "how couldn't you tell X was [race]? Lmao" or the entire concept of "race coding" just sounds racist as fuck.

Dark skin doesn't automatically mean you're black. It could mean you got a tan, or you could be some other race entirely.

Acting a certain way doesn't mean you're a specific skin tone.

In anime, nobody is black or white specifically just by their skin tone. Everyone is asian by default unless confirmed otherwise. I don't care if a blue-eyed blonde wearing the US flag is "obviously a white american".

[xinoize]

Not taking the self-check out lane doesn't mean that you still find value in living.

It means that unless you're in very specific parts of the country, your only options are very painful and lead to severe consequences if survived.

You also have to worry about the guilt and trauma of your loved ones (if any).

[xinoize]

Sometimes I feel like I must be misinterpreting "jealousy".

In my eyes, jealousy doesn't equal insecurity or lack of trust. Just that they value you a lot to the point where they strongly believe that you're theirs.

And I certainly don't get the "they're scared of losing you" either.

So I always get confused when people treat it as a bad thing. Even if it were, it's a normal human feeling. It's healthy.

It's okay to be against flirting when in a relationship. It's okay to be against looking at other people when in a relationship.

I guess the only weird thing about it is possibly wanting to restrict who you can talk to or what you can wear.

I don't care about that myself, but I guess I know first hand over not feeling trusted.

I'm not the type of person who does anything that society would deem "normal" or "okay". Like if my SO thought about flirting with another person, that's not okay. If they started fantasising about other people, that's not okay. If they start feeling attraction to other people, that's not okay.

That's got nothing to do with insecurity. Because I'm not insecure, other than intelligence. I'm confident in my beauty.

It's just got to do with my values. I don't gain any of those thoughts or feelings, so I think it's fair to want a SO who shares those same beliefs. If I can control it, then I don't see why other people can't.

But I'm not other people. It's easy for me to not think about other people, but I can't stop other people from thinking about other people. So why waste my time?

But then people look at you like you're insane for simply saying "I struggle finding people attractive once I'm in a relationship".

I already struggle with it without one. All of my "crushes" have been fictional characters. I've only been in love once before, and only experienced real life crushes twice during my lifetime.

I don't think jealousy is something that needs to be worked on, unless it's actually to the point where you don't trust your SO. Talking to other people doesn't mean I'm interested in them or anything. But I already don't like talking to people, so I don't understand why I'm suspected of doing that.

I don't mind when my SO looks through my phone. They don't do it, but i just have nothing to hide. If anything, whatever they find would make me still win in the end.

I don't feel like my trust was broken or that they disrespected my privacy. I just don't care.

But their reason shouldn't be "I just want to know if you have other options". I mean that can be your reason, but like... again, you know who I am, what other fucking "options" would i consider?

I guess that's what makes it disrespectful for me. Even after knowing the type of person I am, I'm still looking for "options". A name isn't going to do any harm.

And even if I were that kind of person, I sure as fuck wouldn't go after a fat person. Christ.

But there's a reason why I'm against relationships so much and decided I wouldn't be in another one. People think you're insecure or delusional for how you feel. So I'd rather not waste my time on these worthless beings.

We are believed to have Dealbreakers or turnoffs in relationships. You have people reject someone for having blonde hair or specifically refusing to date black people, but you're the bad guy for being against your SO watching porn.

Like I'm sorry, there's just something about my SO jacking off to someone other than me, that seems... very obviously not okay.

But it still somehow means you're insecure.

I'm not scared that they'll cheat on me. I don't feel inferior in terms of beauty. And I certainly trust that they're talking to other people in a non-"i am into you" way.

I wish we could stop judging other people. I have my dealbreakers. You have yours. Yours are just as valid as mine, even if I find you racist for finding a certain skin colour "repulsive", and if you find me "insecure" for wanting the same feelings i have.

This entire thing isn't even fucking about me. I'm referencing someone else, but talking about me most of the time.

[xinoize]

Resharing big content creators posts is weird. Like what's the point? They've got a large audience, a lot of people already see them.

I feel like it's better used for smaller creators. Then they could get more traction and grow alongside the big creators (the ones who will grow with or without shares).

I just never saw the point. The o ly other reason I could think of is they're trying to get to foreign audiences. Say a Japanese person retweeted some random American's art. More Japanese people will be able to view it. I guess it makes sense that way.

[xinoize]

I genuinely don't get it. Obviously NuCarnival was going to get reruns... it's a gacha, it'd make zero sense not to.

Is there some sort of gacha game that doesn't do reruns that make this belief so common?

Master Fairs were guaranteed to get reruns the moment Leon existed. Why would they make him a one-time thing and screw over his fans?

The only way this fear would make any sort of sense is if it were some sort of collab character. I don't see Hatsune Miku coming back to BlueArchive simply because they'd have to pay more money just to rerun her. Because she's not a BA character. But if you own the characters, you don't lose any money.

[xinoize]

it just makes me so happy to see two additional """true dupe""" characters coming to the game.

Further debunking that it was ever a "rule" in the first place.

This is very exciting. uvu

[xinoize]

"Any parent is a lousy parent if they allow their child to be a bum"

This is why I don't intend to have children.

They didn't ask to be born, and I don't want them wasting their lives working. I want them to experience happiness as much as they can, in such an evil world.

The only way they can experience such happiness is if they waste their lives.

They aren't lousy.

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn't let my child suffer. If they want to work, they may choose to do so. If they don't, I won't fault them for it.

But I'll never be a billionaire, so the smart decision is to not create new life.

I don't even make enough money to support myself.

[xinoize]

This is exactly why I don't tell people how I'm feeling. It gets invalidated and chalked up as me complaining over "nothing".

They haven't gone and experienced it. Of course you wouldn't understand.

But if you're up there, having to clean 6+ entire wheels by yourself because they don't know how to do their fucking job, you would understand.

That's why I don't say anything. I have to pretend to be okay.

[xinoize]

New years resolution is to draw sketches everyday.

I've been doing that so far and am actually very excited.... been a good track.

I havent been able to for the last three days due to unavoidable reasons so I'm glad it wasn't my fault.

[xinoize]

When is nintendo going to make a Mario Kart game better than MKDS?

Idk but I'm more of a MKDD fan myself

[xinoize]

The more I'm working here, the less I enjoy it. What was once my happy place, now makes me fucking miserable.

I hate all but like... four of the people I work with. I hate my supervisor. Excusing their laziness.

What is wrong with asking for help? When you're by yourself and you have three other people standing around twiddling their thumbs, waiting for their part, while I'm over here trying to finish as fast as I can.

Why do I have to make sure it is crystal clear, while they can slack off with it?

So fucking what if it's easy??? It's easy on it's own, but when you have to make sure the entire fucking rim is cleaned, it's not easy anymore. They're lazy, and it's supposed to be their job, not mine.

They expect ME to help them when they're alone, but I'm supposed to deal with it and "be grateful"?

And the funny thing about it is, I'd not care about doing it by myself if I could be lazy too. Just get the water and dust off, boom, done. Don't have to wipe the sides? Great. Can ignore their laziness, wonderful.

I really thought I'd be happy here. Everything was great until I met the supervisor. Now I hate every single moment of it.

My job was the one thing I was actually happy to get out of bed for. I'd finally get away from my father.

But no.

I get taken advantage of.

I hate working. I have no energy to do what little made me happy anymore. And somehow you're seen as lazy for feeling that way.

Even if you were, so what? You didn't choose to exist, so it's not fair for other people to dictate your life.

I can't use my time during the weekends because it's spent recharging.

If we legally only allowed people to work 20hrs a week with the same pay as you would a fulltime job ($13.50/hr > $27/hr), I'd be more than happy. I'd be fine with working, because I'd still have time and energy to do what I want.

Working more than four hours should only be voluntary.

I understand why things are the way they are. That doesn't mean it's okay. And the rich people want us to feel weak because they know we can't do anything about it.

I can't even off myself. Even if there was a reliable 100% guaranteed and painless method, I still have to deal with my family. And I can't take them with me. If there is an afterlife, I'd have to deal with the guilt.

I'm stuck dealing with this for the next 50 years. 50 years of wasting my life away. 50 years of stress and pain. 50 years of being devalued.

I wanted to be an illustrator. Make $250 on a single drawing. Get active traction every month, with dozens of people wanting me to hire me.

I wanted to create video games and manga. I wanted to create a passion project that would make me happy.

But all of those are childish dreams now. I can't pursue them anymore because they don't pay for meals, heat, or even shelter.

"Then just find a job you'll like" as if that's possible. I like art. I am not at that point where I can make money off art with the big guys. I also want easy jobs. This job is easy, and yet, clearly it's doing poorly for me.

I have to work Saturday.

[xinoize]

On one hand, Calem got Greninja. He was obviously getting it, so I'm incredibly happy he got it.

On the other hand, he got the shiny version... and as cool as the shiny version is, it sucks he lost it to someone who already HAS a starter, and this is worse than the Blaziken-Shouldve-Gone-To-Wally issue because... Calem actually has a Froakie. Calem should've gotten the regular Greninja, and Serena should've gotten the shiny.

Oh well, I guess. At least that means datamine is tonight. And I'm still pulling him.

[xinoize]

if piers isnt one of the holiday units next month, ill riot

[xinoize]

Can we stop telling people to seek (professional) help if we aren't going to bother offering to pay for it? Or is it because the people suggesting it just happen to live in areas where therapy is free? Or are they ignorant at how expensive it is?

If people haven't gotten help, it's 99.8% likely because they can't afford it. If they can afford it, then they're probably therapy-hopping because they had a horrible experience with their previous therapists... because surprise, surprise, that's gonna be a common experience when looking for help.

Obviously, there are cases where they just refuse to get help, but instead of assuming they aren't trying, ever considered asking? Before making assumptions?

Point is, you have to dedicate time into finding the right therapist. You risk spending years looking for the right one. They're trying unless they themselves stated otherwise.