yassbeetroot

[yassbeetroot]

3/5/21

BYE I LOGGED BACK ON HERE TO POST ABOUT SUM SAD STUFF I WAS. TEARING UP AND EVERYTHING AND THEN SAW THAT MY OPPA HOMELESS STYLE POST HAD 7 NOTES AND I LOST IT LMAOOOOOOO PPLLS I THOUGHT IT WAS SO FUNNY

anyways this just solidifies that internet validation is one of my distractions LMFAO oops i think like 20 min have gone by. it feels like theres so much to do nowadays, and to add onto everything i ahve going on im also trying to get a haircut LOL

TW BODY IMAGE ISSUES BELOW ETC PLS B SAFE

ive really been feeling pressure from school etc recently and i have a tendency to regress into some pretty unhealthy eating habits (& a very poor mindset) during periods of high pressure. im trying my best to limit my stress, and today i tried to let myself eat when i was hungry rather than when i thought i "should” be eating to evenly distribute calories throughout the day. 

i dont want to worry anyone irl with these kinds of thoughts but i feel like if i dont get them out of me somewhere ill literally explode. sometimes i feel guilty referring to myself as someone who is living with body dysmorphia or body image issues because i feel like i havent gone through enough, and then sometimes im hit with this wave of self loathing and i feel like i lie to everyone about my progress with loving myself. is it even possible to feel impostor syndrome in this regard???/????

hoping things will get better. at least its almost the weekend. 

[yassbeetroot]

watching a video about the history of oppa homeless style

tumblr lore is so beautiful... very lovely story about the proletariat banding together against a fedora wearing man. as class solidarity should be

[yassbeetroot]

1/18/21

LOL tell me y my first note was from cheezbot. thank u <3 king

speaking of cheese i had a cheese sandwich today (and tbh getting up to make the cheese sandwich was one of my only accomplishments today, in addition to doing the laundry LOLL). i keep telling myself ill be productive and then it doesnt happen HAHAHHaaa anyways ive got so many tests this week that i need to study for ;-( and for one of them i dont even know the date??? like hello wahat ... i havent even done any lazy productive work? like i still need to hang up the laundry & i didn’t read much today... all i did was watch youtube and eat sushi ........... pain

i feel like im super embarrassed for being outwardly interested in romance? not to use like... dated language or engage in a dated view of feminism but i feel like for me personally, romantic interest would undermine the ambitions of my professional life????? i DONT KNOOWW...... but it doesn't stop me from going around and being like LOLL <33 want a boyf

sometimes i feel like no one is online anymore. maybe theyre just not on instagram ??? idk i feel like i should get off it. i accidentally let too many people onto my spam and now i like... dont feel as secure venting there? idk :-\ thats why i made this tumblr lol. anonymity <3

TO DO LIST:

get dressed ;-(

hang up laundry

do ******* homework

study (learn subjunctive 4 francais he hehehe

do a workout

maybe i should get onto studyblr?? idk maybe just how to not be depressed blr LMAOOOOo ... pain

OH ALSO bc im trying to get more into reading in 2021, i wonder if i should start writing as well? i think it’d be a bit embarrassing to post my stories on the same blog as the one where i like .. rant or whatever this is, esp if it starts getting deep; but id also never return to wattpad after middle school LMAOOO maybe ill create a new one :-0

i need to get more comfortable with solitude. but also i need to stop being ashamed of letting others know that i feel lonely.. :-(

[yassbeetroot]

emotions

its so hard to constantly feel empty inside. i know im bottling up my emotions and its unhealthy but idk how to stop. maybe i should google it. 

ok i googled it

6 Tips to Stop Bottling Up Your Emotions

1. Name them.

2.Write a journal entry.

3. Talk to someone.

4. Take a solitary brisk walk or exercise.

5. Pinpoint the cause of your emotions.

6. Make use of your emotions.

1. I DONT KNOW :-( i guess anxiety, frustration ??? fear???????? anger??? sadness

2. i am trying :-)

3. i need a therapist.

4. if i go to sleep soon hopefully i can go on a walk tomorrow morning :-)

5. a lot of things. pain

6. i am trying :’-)

[yassbeetroot]

i am going to kms

me, mildly inconvenienced

[yassbeetroot]

1/15/21

lol y am i in love with colin bridgerton!!!! nottoomasc-andfunny-andsweet-andRESPECTFUL!!!-andkind-andprotective PLS!!!!! ;( where is my mr bridgerton!!!!! got a tarot card reading recently and it told me that the “efforts of my endeavors” would pay off and i would find love. 

WHAT EFFORTS crying emoji

hmmm... kind of cool

but do i even want a relationship if its not with this fictional man. yes the answer is yes i do. LOL

actually maybe i dont. idk. even just a cute distracting romance sounds like. a lot of work and distractions at a time where i cant afford to be distracted by more than i already am. it just feels like there’s something wrong w me for not being interested in anyone or anything!!!! maybe im depressed LOL ;-(

i think smth in theory would be cute, maybe when i have my shit together more!! but for now maybe it’s good that i cant envision anything w anyone :-))) also my mind has been consumed w ***** and our lack of communication :-(. i wonder how that’ll turn out. the only things i should be thinking about r the sats, my grades & extracurriculars, & being more active!! 

nobody:

me: watching family guy at 12 am on a friday and isolating myself from the people around me 

n e ways welcome 2 this blog i need a space 2 vent my emotions LOL cant wait to delete this in a month out of embarrassment

TO DO LIST:

- keep reading tpodg!! i wanna finish so i can talk abt it with **** :-)) hope he’s doing okay lol ;-(

- STUDY MOOOOOOOOOOOORE pls god get ur life together & maybe start by showering and going to sleep after this