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you-are-choking · 10 months ago

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Touchy Feely

Sebastian Solace x The Merchant (Resident Evil 4)

You were forced to take Leon's place in the mission to save the President's daughter. You can't die and somehow your items are going missing. Surely the Merchant and Sebastian have nothing to do with the matter.

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Leon Scott Kennedy is the name you’ve been cursing out for the past two days or at least you think it’s been two days. Leon was supposed to be the one going on this stupid mission to Spain to save the president’s daughter from a cult but somehow you got suckered into it instead. You happened to be at the water cooler at the worst possible time.

You’re covered in mud, blood, and sweat from the exertion. If you had to rate this place on Yelp, you’d give it a one-star review. The villagers are utterly murderous; the place is crawling with strange monsters, and a place to rest for even a moment is hard to come by. Things seem to keep getting stranger and more complicated by the minute.

The president’s daughter Ashley, the dear that she is, tries to cheer you up but it’s quickly offset by how much of a liability she is. You tend not to make many mistakes which is why you were sent here in the first place but protecting someone so helpless has caused more than a few injuries. You can’t blame her for her lack of combat skills but you wish Ashley would use a little more common sense in battle like not running directly in front of you while you were shooting at ganados.

Your luck was bound to run out at some point you suppose and as you looked up from Ashley’s panicked form to see El Gigante’s massive foot about to turn you to human paste, all you could think was ‘I should have taken that vacation.’

You had expected that to be it, just darkness or perhaps if you’re lucky some kind of pleasant afterlife. What you had not expected was to wake up on the other side of the large gate leading into the narrow passage of the El Gigante fight.

You thought it was a fluke like some kind of vivid daydream until Ashley ran up to you and hugged you with more force than you thought a pampered princess like her could muster.

“I saw you die!” She exclaimed, sounding just as baffled as you felt.

“I saw that too… kind of,” You responded in a daze. After a moment of silence, you two decided to take a different path, leading you to fight two chainsaw-wielding sisters in a wider village area.

Ashley had tried to talk to you about what happened a few times but you didn’t have any more answers than she did so it was a lost cause. Thankfully you didn’t die a lot but when you did you began to notice certain aspects of your revival. Firstly, you almost always respawned at a typewriter. Secondly, you don't revive right away; from Ashley’s account, it takes a few minutes. Finally, you don’t always come back with all of your items.

The first time you notice some ammo missing. The second it was your shotgun that went AWOL. The third time nothing went missing but Ashley was able to keep an eye on your body the whole time before your revival. So there was only one conclusion to make, someone was looting your corpse.

Sure, you’re no stranger to rehoming the items from the deceased villagers but it feels terrible having it happen to you, especially since you come back and have to deal with the consequences. You had a few ideas about who was doing it but until now you had no solid proof.

“Are you seriously trying to sell me MY photo?” You incredulously ask the two merchants. Before you stands two figures mysterious in their own ways.

A man you only refer to as the Merchant stares at you from behind the purple mask that covers from just below his eye down into the neckline of his shirt. The man is slightly hunched over with his palms flat against a shoddy counter. He wears a trench coat that made you think he was going to flash you the first time he opened it to reveal the plethora of goods and a large backpack.

The Merchant is enigmatic. He is somewhat friendly despite having the pushiness of the average salesman. His shop often offers the only safe zone around and his stock is one of the reasons you are even capable of moving forward so you tentatively consider him a friend. You know very little about the Merchant but he offers you much-needed respite and as long as you buy enough items isn’t terribly pushy about how long you stay in his shop. The merchant’s companion you could do without.

The two aren’t always together but the strange being you’ve come to know as Sebastian often joins the merchant with his own stock of items. Compared to the other abominations you’ve seen, Sebastian isn’t terrible on the eyes.

Even at his normal resting height, he towers above you staring down with three glowing eyes and a sharp smile. Upon his head, an appendage similar to an anglerfish’s lure and on either side of his head rests fin-like protrusion instead of ears. Three arms with clawed fingers usually rest comfortably in a clasped position when he isn’t talking. The long tail of his which wraps around the room ends in a fin lending to his aquatic appearance. A white shirt with a ruffle collar pokes out from under a black scarf and a black jacket with many pockets. Sebastian wears many straps most of which are further down his tail and holds down items and small bags.

Though he sometimes calls you a friend, unlike the Merchant, Sebastian does not feign friendliness with you. He is quick to remind you of your imminent demise and how foolish it was for you to come to this remote part of Spain. Sebastian also is much quicker with his temper you’ve found and by found you mean he killed you once. Asshole. How were you supposed to know he was coming around the corner when you threw that flashbang?

Needless to say, you have a love-hate relationship with the fishman. He can be really mean but his comments can be unintentionally funny and he finds the best loot.

Right now you’re falling more on the hate spectrum with Sebastian as he tries to extort you for 3000 pesetas for a photo that is clearly yours.

“It’s not yours if I have it. So do you want to buy it or not?” Sebastian sasses you.

“I’m literally in the photo and the writing says ‘(name)’s 20th birthday!’ at the bottom” You argue trying to appear intimidating in the face of the giant man.

“Finders keepers, Stranger” The Merchant not so helpfully supplies from behind his booth next to Sebastian. You rub the bridge of your nose and take a deep breath before looking up at the two.

“And where was it that you found it?” You strain the words trying not to yell. The more upset you look, the more smug Sebastian gets.

“Just on the ground somewhere.”

“Oh yeah and did that happen to be next to my dead body?” Condescension pours from your words revealing that you already know the answer.

“Was that you?” Sebastian pretends to be in thought for a moment before continuing, “It was hard to tell with how you were face-planting the mud. Either way, you didn’t stop me from taking it so I felt it was fair game.” Sebastian’s smile is downright malicious.

You bite your lip aggressively to stop yourself from bearing your teeth like a dog about to bite. You try to think about anything else but this conversation. You focus on the gentle breeze caressing your weary body, the crispness of the air, and with a clenched fist your mind drifts to the thought of two vendors pilfering the items off of your dead body and pretending your lack of reaction makes it okay.

“I. Was. Dead” You stress every word. The two men shrug.

“So you didn’t need it anymore.” The Merchant responds.

“Except I come back. I always come back.” Sebastian rolls his eyes at your comment.

“No, your ability isn’t a guarantee. I’m not going to gamble if you’re going to revive or not.” The aquatic hybrid argues. You stop your foot to relieve the building energy within you not caring that you look like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

“Can I at least get a discount?” Exasperation paints your body language. The two look at each other as if considering the offer but you know damn well that they aren’t going to actually go through with it.

“Does this look like a charity, mate?” The Merchant answers. You pointedly look around their little hovel filled with random shit.

“It’s not? I could have sworn I saw a Goodwill sign somewhere around here.” You can match their pettiness. Sebastian laughs dryly in a manner that shows he’s not amused.

“I do have this first aid spray on sale, Stranger.” The Merchant offers holding up the can with both hands like an infomercial presenter. Jumping over the counter at the Merchant it’s advisable since Sebastian would stop you before you even reached the masked man but God damn if it isn’t tempting. Calming yourself isn’t easy but you really don’t want to make enemies of the few beings that are somewhat on your side.

“I’ll take your fucking healing spray.” You all but snatch the item from the Merchant’s hands and give them both the hardest glare you can muster before having to count out your coins. Embarrassingly you miss count and have to do it over again which causes Sebastian to chuckle at you. You stomp out of the shop to find Ashley with a devious plan in mind. You’re going to make them regret taking items from you.

You bide your time playing nice every time you visit the vendors after your initial argument. Further down the line when you’re sure you won’t be on the mission for much longer you sell the Merchant a tampered first aid spray rigged to non-lethally explode covering the target in hard-to-remove dye if the can is jostled too much. It’s harmless but annoying.

The Merchant definitely won’t be happy about his merchandise getting stained with blue dye. Naturally, Sebastian also got a can with red dye in it but he was more reluctant trading items rather than getting straight pesetas so it took a lot of convincing and over-buying at your previous encounter. Giggling as you get further from the two you imagine the aftermath.

In the chaos of the island which is significantly more deadly than any previous area, especially with Krauser running around you forget all about your prank so when two clawed hands snatch you from the ground at lightning speed you almost have a heart attack.

You're turned to face the peeved Sebastian with your legs dangling in the air. Despite your demise not being very permanent dread seeps into you as you meet Sebastian’s eyes which hold nothing but contempt.

“You think you’re sooooo funny don’t you.” Sebastian seethes. There is red dye on his shirt, arms, and even some on his face. He clearly tried to scrub the substance off, making some areas fade to a more pinkish tone.

You barely hold back a smile with twitching lips but suddenly notice something interesting. There is blue on Sebastian’s shirt in the chest area. Look at him more closely you see finger and handprints of blue on his hands and lower half as well. All fear is gone as your jaw drops at the revelation.

“Are you hooking up with the Merchant?” You ask surprised. Sebastian looks shocked for a moment then his anger returns.

“WHAT WE DO IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” He shakes you like a doll in the hands of an aggressive child. Your head whips back and forth in a way that would have your Doctor cringing.

“Okay, okay, I’ll drop the topic. Please stop, I’m going to throw up.” At the mention of you spilling your stomach on him, Sebastian drops you, causing you to crumple on the ground. The world spins for a little bit while you struggle to stand.

“Try anything like that again and I’ll make sure you stay dead.” Sebastian hisses out before slithering away into the darkness.

“Have fun with your boyfriend!” You yell out into the black. As you turn to continue your trek a bullet rips through your side. That fucker shot you! Sensitive prick.

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Sebastian wears a wedding ring because he's married to the Merchant. /srs

#resident evil #resident evil 4 #the merchant #sebastian solace #reader insert #crack fic #crackship #cross posted on ao3

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