yourminddoesntneedtohurt

[yourminddoesntneedtohurt]

Lil vent / open dairy thing ? expect the details of my past are for me to know and for you to guess lmao

I don't understand adult relationships, it could be because I'm autistic but at this rate it feels like my only options are superficial connections that don't last very long or really high intensity friendships that ALSO end the moment the other person gets a partner.

even my romantic relationships feel so shallow, I'm trying my best to be as pleasant as possible, to be a good partner but my honey moon phases last less and less.

I'm tired. I can't bring myself to love much anymore. I'm so fucking tired, i can't draw or write anymore, i can't stand being awake but dread the cold empty feeling twisting and knowing in my chest.

I want to live my life to the fullest but i don't know how.

I wonder if my boyfriend will notice if i don't text him goodnight. He's started getting more deadpan, i have to start conversations otherwise they don't happen, and i just feel neglected.

I feel so selfish for feeling like this and i haven't told him of course because his friend is currently going through allot of issues and he's been helping him through it because he's an amazing guy. I love him so much he's so amazing and he's been treating me so well. I've opend up to him about so many personal things ive kept hidden for years.

i really really hope this is just a small period of time where he's just a bit distracted or in distress and that he'll go back to normal soon. I can't stand him feeling nothing for me. I'm so sick of putting all my faith into a relationship only to have it fail.

I know you're supposed to be fine on your own but i'm fucking human. I need high quality social interactions that leave me and the other person feeling good.

i'm so close to dissociating from reality 24/7 and ghosting everyone I know. My imagination gives me something reality can never give me.

I was invited to a party a bit ago and the party's tomorrow, I don't get invited anywhere for the most part because i don't know that many people and the people i do know don't really party. I don't even like parties, i'm just going because i want to dress up for a good reason.

I tend to overdress constantly to compensate for how shitty i feel. Even if feel like shit at least I look good. But now instead of looking like i popped out of a pintrest board at buss stops or going on a swing, i'll l be dressed appropriately for once lmao

Fucking shoot me

[yourminddoesntneedtohurt]

Been experimenting with my look and such. Luckily, I have very healthy hair, and it's finally at a length I like. Not quite there yet, but almost.

(it's halfway down my chest, but ide prefer it to he reaching my stomach. Ik it's allot but gender dysphoria is annoying and hair that length would at least make me feel better )

But i just can't stand my face even when I've shaved. I've got a pretty round face but the little details like my nose , the squareness of it's structure , the size of my eyes ect ... bother me. I feel a little bit prettier when I wear makeup and it's only when in full glam that I get compliments more regularly but I can't wear a full face of make up each time I leave the house when I have like 2 spoons and a dream lmao

Plus, my body is not exactly helping, I could go on forever. I'm just having a really dysphoric few days.

[yourminddoesntneedtohurt]

Been feeling the need to escape recently , I have a way out of my rotting existence, but it won't come for a few months, though, and even then, it's not guaranteed that it will work. I just gatta wait it out right now, ive done everything i could. Escapism helps make the time go by faster.