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first vi now katarina im never catching a break

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foggy weather

{Carrd}

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i think having a sharp object held to my throat can be very very romantic. intimate. sexy, even. this is because i am normal.

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Used to the Darkness by Des Rocs

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I am not a wolf in sheep's clothing, I'm a wolf in wolf's clothing. - Ricky Gervais

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Fig. 1

Prints

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“There was something wrong with me. The human body doesn’t want to get hurt. We’re programmed to feel squeamish at the sight of blood. Pain is a careful orchestration of chemical processes so that we keep our body alive. Studies have shown that people born with congenital analgesia — the inability to feel pain — bite off the tips of their tongues and scratch holes in their eyes and break bones. We are a wonder of checks and balances to keep on running. The human body doesn’t want to get hurt. There was something wrong with me, because sometimes I didn’t care. There was something wrong with me, because sometimes I wanted it. We fear death; we fear the void; we scrabble to keep our pulses. I was the void. What are you afraid of? Nothing. You are not doing this you are not doing this you are not doing this But my eyes were already clawing over the bathroom for ways out. Trust you? I wasn’t meant to live, probably. This was why I was wired this way. Biology formed me and then took a look and wondered what the hell it was thinking and put in a mental fail-safe. In case of emergency pull cord. I was crouching by the wall, breathing into my hands. Victor had told me once that he’d never considered suicide, not even for a second, not even at his darkest moments. It’s the only life we have, he’d said. Even when I was happy, I felt like I was always looking for the edges on life. The seams. I was so perfectly born to die.”

—

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Used to the Darkness by Des Rocs

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Anaïs Nin, from a novel titled "A Spy in the House of Love," published in 1954

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"Liberty for wolves is death to the lambs." - Isaiah Berlin

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Art by Essi Välimäki

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Kill the soul and you're left with a listless, apathetic creature who can become hopeless or brutal

- Marion Woodman

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I've made mistakes, Lord struck me down Caught in a landslide, lost underground I hear them gates, swing open loud Come close to midnight, hell fade me down

Song by Des Rocs