zakary-prashad

[zakary-prashad]

laura--young​:

Laura had paused briefly, her head against the door, to take in the scene. Zak holding comfort food, framed by the doorway and the background scenery of cinnamon dusted and copper gilded leaves. He was too good to her, she thought decidedly. Even when her own attitude towards him had wavered.  

He looked.. well. Far more nourished than a couple months back. Where had once stood a ghost of her friend, now stood a revived version. One that filled out his clothes as opposed to having them hang loosely on him, one that looked like he was.. thriving. Any signs of tiredness didn’t seem supernatural, just like every other person who didn’t have the luxury of hitting the snooze button more than once.—- Those simple signs of normalcy made her go in for a hug- though she was aware nothing about anyone in this town had been exactly normal.

“You didn’t need to bring food,” she protested softly as she backed out of the hug, gesturing for him to enter. “I should be treating you,” Laura didn’t want him spending his money on her. She was the one that needed to make up for being a less than commendable friend. Characteristically, she’d been selfishly consumed by all that was going wrong with her own life. Taking the time to check up on those she considered the closest seemed to be impossible.

“I heard a congratulations is in order” Because like every one else, Zakary’s life wasn’t at a standstill. It seemed as though Laura’s life had been paralyzed by all her misfortunes. What made it even worse was that she had to watch everyone else around her come into their own- Leon as a dad, Zak as he pursued his dreamed. All while she remained floundering. 

Despite her genuine well wishes, there was a slight currant of envy that ran through her. An envy that made her feel so uncomfortable with herself, a chill wracked her body- physically rejecting the ill thoughts that had accompanied her more acceptable ones.

 “Working for a newspaper, Zak, that’s amazing! You have to tell me all about it” 

Zakary didn’t seen anything out of the ordinary about her, maybe it was because as soon as her face came into view, everything turned rose-colored. He simply couldn’t envision what she looked like if she wasn’t feeling too well. Only if she looked like she was about to cry, only if her face suggested some open hurt, did he find himself aware of the flaws she carried. The flaw of being human, of feeling pain and hurt. 

But she hugged him, and he hugged her back, the food slung over her shoulder as he held onto her. it was only for a little while, but it made him feel desperate for more. It made him desperate to just kiss her, to move her face to meet his and kiss her like he had over a year ago. 

Instead he just shrugged with a grin when she suggested he shouldn’t have brought food. “I wanted to share this with you,” he lied. “I really like it, and I figured you might enjoy it as well.” It was an easy lie however, both of them following a vegan diet, it simply proved to need less than an additional thought to get something they could both enjoy. He knew that if he saw her more often, he would most certainly be broker than he already was. 

Zakary couldn’t help blush a little when she mentioned congratulations. It had never felt like something he could be proud of, it was just an internship, not even a full blown job yet. But when Laura said it, with her eyes all shining, directed at him, a tone that suggested she did think more of it than he did, it made him feel proud of this tiny accomplishment for the first time. He bit his lip as he tried to hold back a beaming smile. “It’s just an internship,” he said, holding up the bag again. “But I can tell you all about it over dinner,” he suggested. There was this ever creeping feeling that when he was close to her, there was so much he wanted, yet, at the same time, he was too much of a coward to actually go for it. 

[zakary-prashad]

laura--young​:

Location- Laura’s home

Time: Who knows, I’m just happy to be back lol!

Laura had been no stranger to insecurity. It was an old acquaintance that popped up from time to time with little to no warning and though she couldn’t foresee it making an appearance- she almost certainly knew when it had arrived.

She was keenly aware of the baggage Leon had carried with him and little by little he’d unspooled some of what weighed her down as well. But as Leon and his ex- and the mother of his child- grew more and more amicable Laura could feel her old acquaintance elbow itself into their interactions. She heard herself, but couldn’t stop herself, pry ever so slightly whenever he mentioned bumping into his ex. It was never an accusatory tone but one with a tad too much curiosity. And just as misery loved company, insecurity had friends of their own; envy, doubt and less than healthy coping mechanisms.

She knew she was engaging in the latter when she called Zak over. Instead of communicating her feelings like her new found therapy had suggested, she resorted to old patterns. And who could blame her? Zak had an unmatched way of making feel Laura safe amongst the chaos that was both their lives; both separately and summated. 

Laura had all but leapt off her couch when the doorbell rang, eager for the validation he always brought with him; that she was likable, desirable and most of all— enough. 

Zakary was certain that with every day that passed he was becoming the version of himself that he might’ve wanted to be when he was little. Not that much of anything worker out: he had no coven, still an intern and thus barely on the payroll, living as small as possible, and knew he had so much untapped potential with the magic form that had rested below his skin all those years, used only by the Spirit. But while his hair was growing far too long, covens constantly turned him down, and he was no closer to figuring out how to use his skills, he was free. 

And freedom made him capable of wanting more. For the first time, he had begun to look more hopeful about his future. Even if those hopes came with unrealistic ideas.

It was why his heart was hammering in his chest when Laura had called him. Like it always did, no matter the circumstances. The very thought of her could overshadow his darkest thoughts, and now it merely made the bleeding organ in his heart overtake his whole being. More than a year had gone past since they had shared a kiss, but his crush on her was untouched by time. 

“Hey,” he said, when she opened the door. He had brought some food, vegan indian curry that he rarely treated himself too because it was too expensive. But this was Laura. He looked at her and hope surged through him.

[zakary-prashad]

minxsara​:

Sara had already placed her iPad on the table and was fishing for her pen when the warlock posed her a question. Although she wasn’t expecting them to actually start a conversation with her, at least Sara appreciated the effort. “I’ve been okay.” Which, was her usual response for the question lately. It didn’t mean it wasn’t true, though. “You know, just doing a little bit of this and that.” The younger woman offered him a smile, before averting her gaze to the laptop that he so energetically kept pressing the space bar of. “What are you working on?”

Zhyan nodded, it wasn’t the type of answer he had expected, or at least not the emotion he figured he would be hearing from her. She didn’t seem like she was okay as she said it. Maybe something was going on in her life, maybe something with her child. But he felt so awkward around that subject that he didn’t even dare ask. “Uhuh,” he said, answering her ‘you know’, hoping she would either elaborate or give him something to respond to. But she didn’t seem to be wanting to talk about herself, which tightened his chest because Zhyan didn’t want to talk about himself either. “Uhm, an article,” he said. “I have to make a transcript of several interviews, and mark similarities,” he added, not sure why he was trying to fill the space between them with words. 

[zakary-prashad]

oliviawalters​:

Palms settled on her thighs as she rubbed the fabric of her jeans, only listening to Zak with half an ear as he’d caught her on a particularly scatterbrained day. She hadn’t wanted to cancel on him, but the idea of being part of a coven both excited and terrified her. It excited her because she absolutely wanted to learn, and but the sense of community made her nervous at best. Ridiculous as it was, there was a lingering worry that the coven might not take a liking to her, a voice in the back of her mind that wondered what would happen if she failed to get a grasp of her magic. What if she just didn’t belong? “Huh?” She wondered, but promptly shook her head once she caught up with what he’d said. “Isn’t that the point? To make it more difficult.” Liv bit down on her lip, a smirk tugging at her lips. Maybe difficult was what she needed, to push herself a little. “A challenge.”

Zhyan smiled and nodded in her direction. “I guess you’re right,” he said. “A challenge might help, or at least give you a whole array of emotions and feelings.” He paused then. “I can help you as well, extend your limits by giving you what I have on reserve, but we’ll see what you can do without it first.” He gestured his head in the direction of a mother with a little kid in a stroller. “What do you see?” he asked. 

[zakary-prashad]

laurelgavaris​:

“Oh, and what is it that you do? It seems important, or at least, time consuming…” It was what she could think while her green eyes rested upon everything that was over the table.  “First time we met each other you were working delivering mail, right?” So things must have changed, and apparently it was a big change. 

It was strange to focus solely on small talk with Zakary, there was always tension in the past, the fear that he wasn’t trustworthy, how close he was to people that she cared about. Then, it led to the one thing that shifted her last year, and there they were. Chapters in her life were hardly written without important characters being part of it, and apparently Zakary knew how to stand out and partake in those moments in her life. “Let me know if I’ll end up disturbing you while you’re finishing your job. I don’t mind the silence,” she ended up befriending it and learning how to appreciate it during yoga classes and meditating.

“Uhm,” Zhyan paused, didn’t know how to answer at first. He wasn’t so certain about what he was doing anymore. But her words managed to remind him of why he had made the switch in the first place. He was glad she didn’t state it as a question. At least not as a question he needed to describe in order to answer it. To say he was fired for taking far longer leave than he was supposed to, to say he had lost his job on account of hiding away from people for months. “Yes, but I switched... I’m an intern at Astoria Times,” he said. Underpaid intern was a better word for it. He had been stressed back in Maga constantly, but this was a whole different way of stressing. 

He tried not to be awkward about it, tried to be a normal human being in her presence. But his mind was constantly telling him that he owed something, that that was due, that he should run from her whenever he saw her. Which was unfair to her, since she had only ever tried to help. But he hated that she knew, he hated that she of all people had enough information to judge him. “Oh, no, it’s alright, I think my laptop is trying to tell me to take a break.” That or that he needed a new one. Which, like a hairdresser, he simply couldn’t afford. If only his Magic worked on inanimate things too. “How are you?” That seemed like such a weak thing to say, and he wished he could take back the words and that his laptop would suddenly start working again, just so he could ignore her company and finish his research.

[zakary-prashad]

devonbelmont​:

devon looks less than convinced at his denial, but doesn’t say anything. instead her eyebrows furrow next, mind thumbing through the words. “why would you think this is a burden?” the question leaves her before she can really think about it, gaze shifting from her fiddling fingers to his face. “i’m a healer,” she states simply. “and people heal in different ways. i’ve got magic for the physical stuff, sure. but some people’s injuries aren’t blood and broken skin. so,” she licks her lips. “if talking through shit helps you heal then i… don’t think that’s a burden at all. it’s something that you deserve. and it’s something that i am more than willing to help with.”

a graceless snort leaves her and she fights the urge to smirk despite the circumstances. “believe me, my brothers have brought me more trouble than you ever have. and regardless, like i said. you keep apologizing for everything that’s happened. so whatever has happened you didn’t have a hand in. at least not the person you are now.”

He had no answer to that. And he looked at her as if he couldn’t come up with anything satisfying, And the more she talked the more he was confused at what exactly she was saying. To talk was to heal. Sure, he understood that. While they had been at war, the coven had known of the struggles of war beyond the physical. People had been given time to talk, the meditate, the pray. Zhyan however, starting as a Witch with no power, then becoming in their minds a minor deity, had never been capable of talking about it. Had never felt like there was a place for him in any conversation. Because how was he to describe the Spirit without sounding as if he wished to get rid of it. How was he supposed to share how much he suffered when his suffering was what eventually ended the war. When people around him suffered just as much, and he survived every battle, dying but always standing up again. Always returning home. 

He swallowed. He wasn’t sure how he was going to respond to that. He didn’t know why she could handle it all so well, given what he had put her through. Maybe she didn’t think it was completely his fault, maybe he knew it wasn’t... maybe it was time he started believing that. “I...” he took a deep breath. “I don’t think I can talk about it... not this, not... not what happened, but the reason why... the reason why it feels like everything is my fault,” he said. And felt stronger for saying it. But he felt like he had to offer her something, to make sure she didn’t think he didn’t appreciate all of it, didn’t appreciate her help. “Do you remember a few months ago, when you said you wouldn’t mind helping me figure out my Magic?” he asked. “Does that offer still stand?” Because he wondered if it would be easier now, since he had managed to give her everything, every little reserve, every drop of Magic he had in him. Maybe his body would remember the link between them and make it easier. 

[zakary-prashad]

WHERE: Memorial Park WHEN: Sunday afternoon WITH @oliviawalters

Zhyan leaned forward a bit as he waited for Oliva to take a seat next to him on the bench. As soon as she was seated, he leaned back into the bench and took a look around the park. “It’s busy, so it might be a little too hard to figure out the differences, sorry. We could also go to a cafe if you want?” he asked. It was only natural given that she had officially joined the coven, that he would help her with her Magic, figuring it out, looking for limits. 

[zakary-prashad]

laurelgavaris​:

She was about to leave when she noticed Zakary by the coffee shop. It had been awhile ever since she had seen the other person; in fact, it seemed life wanted them to head different paths from the moment Laurel left the hospital and no unexpected encounters had happened. At least, not until that exact moment.

His reaction, however, she didn’t know if it was because it was her. Or if it was just part of his traits. “Don’t worry, I don’t mean to disturb you. You can leave it all like that, I just need to grab something to eat before I head to the studio. You okay?” It was strange to ask him question, since, as far as she could remember. He’d barely answer to those. Only at the hospital she got answers to a few doubts that would cross her mind about him. 

He had simply seen a shadow, but when her voice reached him, his skin turned cold. He focussed on the computer for a moment, almost pushing it off the table as he tried to clear more space. He was certain he was overreacting. Technically things should be done between the two of them. He had said more than he wanted to say. And he would’ve been alright with never seeing her again, because he didn’t like it, he didn’t like that she knew things about him now. She should’ve been the last person to know. 

Which meant Zhyan was certain his hands were clammy for a good reason. He looked up again when she asked him if he was okay. He looked at her like she had said something weird. But he realised as well that in the past months she hadn’t told anyone else, he hadn’t been picked up by the police or targeted again by anyone. His chest felt tight. “I’m alright, just work.” He wasn’t lying this time. Though he still felt like he was lying. 

[zakary-prashad]

minxsara​:

Sara wasn’t expecting Coffee Spells to be this packed, especially since the place was usually so laid back and quiet, but she guessed it would only be a matter of time before people realized it was the perfect place to go if they wanted some peace and quiet to work on whatever they were working on. Which, of course, was the reason why she was there in the first place. She stood there, looking over at the packed tables and, when someone offered a seat, she almost said no and went home. It wasn’t like she had anything against Zakary, but the few times she’d interacted with them, it had left her feeling inadequate and she hated that. The awkwardness emanating from them whenever in her presence was almost palpable, and she didn’t want to put any of them through it.

“Oh, it’s okay–” She started saying, waving one hand and shaking her head, but they were already cleaning the table and she… well, she felt bad. That was the truth. “Thank you. I won’t bother you or your work, I promise.” She offered him a small smile.

Zhyan rolled his shoulders, trying to push some of the stain from his muscles, and also trying not to think too much on the fact that it was Sara that he offered the seat to. Not that he didn’t like her, she seemed like a sweet person, a wonderful mother, it was just that he figured she didn’t like him. Which he couldn’t blame her for, he didn’t know how to be a normal person around her and her child. 

“Oh, no, uhm, I think I need distraction,” he admitted as he pushed the pages together, trying to make a normal pile of them. The laptop was still rebooting. He sighed. Then started pressing the space-bar hoping it would make the reboot go faster. He also hoped google drive had saved his draft. Maybe reporter wasn’t a good fit for him after all. “How have you been?” he asked, hoping he wasn’t distracting her from anything. 

[zakary-prashad]

yasflores​:

She supposed his lack of knowledge shouldn’t come as a surprise. Not everyone knew every part of their large world. “Georgia, it’s apart of the United States.” Yasmine responded, shuffling over slightly to allow room for the man beside her on the fountains edge. “Sure. Where are you from? Or have you lived here your whole life?” she didn’t want to assume anything, she liked getting to know people to an extent. He seemed like a nice guy, and that was what the brunette was trying to focus on when she spoke to others. It distracted her when she thought about their family and loved ones. “I’ve never really travelled much, either.”

Zhyan nodded. The United States was big, and he wasn’t even sure if he could say with conviction where the capital of the country was, or where New York was. He figured both were close to each other. But that probably meant he was very very wrong. “Alright, I know where the United States are,” he said, smiling awkwardly. “Rajasthani,” he said. “India,” he added. He never said Maga, he never told anyone about the actual town he had grown up, for fear of the internet holding the secret of his past. “Near the Ranakpur Jain temple,” he said, not sure if anyone knew about that temple, but it attracted a lot of tourists, so he figured some people might know of it. 

“Me neither,” he admitted, looking over the water. He smiled though, he didn’t mind, he didn’t know if he had ever wished to travel. He fled to Astoria. “Home, here, Delhi,” he said. And he had seen barely a thing of Delhi. 

[zakary-prashad]

devonbelmont​:

she waits. there must be a point. there must be a reason behind his words or reasoning. but maybe devon’s just too young to understand. or too stubborn. because she doesn’t get why he still sees himself in the light that he does. “okay?” the blonde ends up saying after a long moment. unsure of whether or not it’s a question or a statement. “so you have to do a shit ton of good, which you won’t be able to do if you keep thinking you’re not worth doing good in the first place.” devon sighs, fiddling with her hands for a moment as she tries to collect her thoughts. again that feeling of missing something washes over her – it seems simple. cut and dry. if you try to do good things then you are inherently good, regardless of the bad that happens. and if you try and do bad things then you’re, well, bad.

“doing good things isn’t easy. and, yeah, it’s harder for some people more than others, but if you give up because things are hard then i’m… not sure you really wanted to be good in the first place. i think people have to continuously work to be better, it’s not something that is just there. being good starts with the belief that you can be.” she flashes him a pointed look, “so you have to believe that you are good.”

He was wrong for dumping all of this on someone who was a decade younger than he was. Wrong for it because he was so used to hold it all in, to not talk about it except for with Miles and Charlie - especially Charlie. His short-comings were his own, and while he felt like they were man, and while he felt like he would never manage to change his life for the better, it was unfair to voice these concerns to her. But he had, and his skin felt uncomfortably warm as he did, his chest seemingly trying to cave in on itself. He hunched his shoulders a bit. He had to do a shit ton of good, that much was true. And she might be albe to understand the sheer volume of it if he dared to talk about it. 

He almost chuckled at the pointed look, though perhaps he felt that way because he was starting to see how absurd it was. Did he believe he was good? Or could he believe he was? “I’m not giving up,” he said, pulling his arms to his chest. “Devon, I-” He swallowed. “I feel like I’m burdening you with this, and I don’t mean to do that,” he said. “I feel like you deserve more from me, you’ve only ever wanted to help, and I’ve only brought you trouble.” 

[zakary-prashad]

yasflores​:

“Yeah,” Yasmine replied. “I’m from Atlanta, so it’s big but not as big as Nova Pangaea.” it would definitely take some getting used to. Atlanta was more of a homebody, with fewer passerbyers but they weren’t unknown. “Well, I’m more of a nickname person myself, so i’m gonna stick with Zak.” the brunette retorted infitately. Her gaze moved from the man to the sky above them, sheilding her eyes from the slight glare that her eyes still had yet to adjust to. “Yeah, it is a nice day. And I think i’ll let you get away with it, just this once.” her tone changed from the casual conversation they were having to add a hint of humor, a smile lifting the corners of her lips. 

Zhyan nodded, then grinned a little. “Where is Atlanta?” he asked. He offered his own naivety without trouble, after all, he wasn’t as familiar with most of the western world as he wished to be. India had long been the center of his world, and even most of India had been a mystery to him. He could point out some countries on the map, but he had felt sheltered growing up. He smiled and nodded, finding it amusing. He chuckled a little when she said he could get away with it this once. “Thank you, I’ll be more observant of the path of the sun next time,” he said, offering her a smile. “Do you mind if I sit?” he asked, pointing at the empty space next to her.

[zakary-prashad]

WHERE: Cofffee Spells WHEN: Wednesday morning @astoriastarter​

Zhyan felt like a conspiracy theorist, sitting in a cafe, a mug of steaming coffee on the edge of the table, and a whole gathering of papers spread out before him while an old beat up laptop was on the seat next to him. To finish the image, he had lost his pen, which was hiding behind his ear, stuck in a tangle of hair that he still hadn’t cut off and was growing so long a simply ponytail didn’t suffice anymore, upgrading himself to what one of his roommates had named: a man-bun. He wondered whether it was a man-bun because she considered him a man, or because that was just what it was called. 

The cafe was packed, so when someone loomed over his work, he understood he question quickly, apologising and throwing his laptop on the table, which hit the wood with a sound that was rather a disaster. “Sorry, please, take a seat,” he said. “I didn’t mean to... uhm, take two.” His brain was so filled with words that he almost forgot English. He started to clean away some of the papers so there was space on the table top, and watched with slight anxiety as the computer rebooted. “Shit.” 

[zakary-prashad]

devonbelmont​:

devon removes her hand the moment he turns back towards her. the impulse had been there before her brain had comprehended her movements and the last thing she wanted to do was make him more uncomfortable than he might have already been. “i’ve been known to have my moments,” she responds with a soft smile edged with a smirk. it doesn’t last, though. this doesn’t feel like the time or the place to shoulder her cocky and arrogant visage. however much it makes her hands fidget, this situation called for vulnerability and truth.

“i’m not sure,” she answers truthfully. “there aren’t many things i believe in. i… hate to think we don’t have control over most of our future. that we have no say in how things turn out. but… maybe there’s some truth to actions. do you think that’s the case? that actions imprint on other lives you live?” not to the extent of reincarnation, she doesn’t think. but something akin to it. “i think depending on how terrible a person is, the universe has to balance itself out, sure.”

Zhyan wasn’t sure if he had completely destroyed wherever was between them in forms of friendship, but it felt significant, it felt like there was a lot there that he couldn’t fix. That in opening himself up to someone, opening up this seed of guilt and doubt, without actually explaining where it was from, that it would make her look at him differently. But he had no control over that, she had said as much as he had to agree. He had no control over what she would think of him, he couldn’t convince her that he was a bad person, he could, and perhaps he should, reflect on the fact that she thought he was a good person. He wanted to believe that, he wanted to believe it, to believe his own guilt was a reason why he couldn’t be a monster. To believe that the Spirit hadn’t corrupted him in its disregard for life. He offered her only silence for a moment. 

He stared at her as she spoke, sometimes thinking he could have a different perspective. “Karma…” he cleared his throat. “Karma means that what I do in this life predetermines where I will start in the next. It’s what I’ve always believed, what I still believe. It means that I have to start doing a lot of good if I want to erase all the bad I’ve done.” He swallowed, it wasn’t much of an admittance, despite having told people, it still felt impossible to repeat again. He always thought it would make it easier, but it didn’t, it only got harder. “But the bad keeps haunting me. Someone like you, like Laurel, you’re good people, you save people, help people, you are willing to lay your own lives on the line to save those around you. People like me are the reason why you have to.” In his mind that had everything to do with Karma. Because he was selfishly thinking about his own soul, what would happen to it, knowing he could never be like Devon and Laurel, knowing that their next lives would be better for how good they were now, while his would be worse. And the cycle would continue, and he felt like he was trapped.

[zakary-prashad]

yasflores​:

“It is, yeah. I’m not really used to it.” Yasmine replied, having not travelled much back in Atlanta. “Do people call you Zak, or do you prefer Zakary?” she chimed, trying to lighten the mood from his following question. “I’ve been here almost a year, but, i’ve only just been getting out and about.”

“To the big city?” he asked. He figured it could take some getting used to. He didn’t mind it, it was the small towns that he was less a fan of. He enjoyed being a stranger to people, being able to go through life without people knowing who he was. “Oh, uhm, I don’t really care that much,” he said. “Either works.” Which was the truth, since both weren’t really his name. But he had grown used to it enough that it felt like he could be just that, just Zak. He cocked an eyebrow at the mention of only just getting out and about. It didn’t take much time for his mind to take a crack at what that meant. “Well, you’ve picked a good day, the weather has been kind of nice lately. Sorry I’m getting in the way of the sun though.” 

[zakary-prashad]

yasflores​:

Yasmine watched as the features of the man changed as she supposed his train of thought did, the realisation that he was close enough to someone to shade them from the bright warmth that the sun was bringing this fine afternoon. She shrugged her shoulders, moving her hands from the necklace adorning her neck to her lap. “Don’t worry about it, I just thought you maybe needed something. I was in my own head a bit. I guess.. you were too?” the assumption wasn’t meant to be negative. Everyone obviously had something going on in their lives. Their own blockages to get past.

“I don’t think i’ve seen you around before. I guess i’m still kind of new.” Yas observed. She wasn’t quite sure if she was ready for direct contact, but how else was she meant to get past the bloodlust lingering in the back of her mind? Outstretching her palm, she offered a gentle smile. “Yasmine. And you are?”

He offered her an awkward smile, still needing a moment to gather his thoughts - and not look like he was caught doing something bad. Because staring into the distance certain didn’t represent such a state. He took a deep breath in and nodded. “Yes, pretty much,” he agreed, nodding at her, then taking a small look back at the bright sun that hung high in the sky. He blinked and returned his gaze back to hers. 

Zhyan nodded, he hadn’t seen her around either. “Astoria is a fairly big city,” he said, smiling. “And I frequent the same places, so it makes sense,” he added. The bar, work, and home. Lately more work than anything else. Sadly every hour they stayed on overtime was unpaid. He took her hand gently. “Zakary, nice to meet you.” He nodded her way once again. “How new are you?” he asked. 

[zakary-prashad]

devonbelmont​:

devon frowned. she couldn’t say she knew exactly what he was thinking – their meetings were fleeting and often comprised of stressful situations – but the blonde could tell enough just based on body language alone. guilty. he felt guilty about the things that had happened. “and if that had happened, that would have been her choice,” devon says. “i don’t know her well, so maybe her instinct to protect was just that. an instinct. but it was her choice regardless. whether or not you think you deserve that is kind of biased. you can’t control what other people think or do. besides,” she fixes him with another frown. “something tells me you don’t think too highly of yourself anyways.”

the blonde doesn’t mean the words in any form of malic. more often than not, people were humble and accepted most instances. the fact that he thought himself underserving meant something (or multiple somethings) had happened in his life to make him think otherwise. devon sighs heavily. “look. there are moments in your life that can be regular old moments or they can be turning points. it just depends on what you do with them.” she puts a hand on his arm, an attempt to get him to turn back around. “you’re not a bad person. but that doesn’t mean that you cannot do bad things. the difference is that a good person who has done bad things feels guilt.” she fixes him with a look. “and the fact that you feel guilty that laurel could have died tells me everything i need to know about the kind of person you are.”

Zhyan didn’t want to hear it, those were the thoughts that came to mind when she started talking, he looked away and tried to linger in his own self-pity. But he couldn’t help but think her words weren’t just empty, they were well thought out, they were clear, they were what he wanted to hear. Was that why he wasn’t willing to listen at first. He swallowed again as he pressed the palms of his hands together, rubbing the flesh between his thumb and other fingers. He looked up when she said she didn’t think he thought very highly of himself, words caught in his throat. He turned away again, then took a deep breath in, but they didn’t empty out. When she lay a hand on his arm, he had to look back up. The simple fact that she was trying to reassure him, that she was telling him that he wasn’t a bad person, no matter every fiber in his being wanting her to know she was incorrect: he was a monster, he had done so many bad things that it made him a monster. But she managed to sound so convincing, she told him the things he had always wished to hear from other people, but words they had never thought he deserved, so he had began to think he didn’t deserve them either. 

His body felt warm and uncomfortable. “You’re pretty wise, you know,” he said. The words sounded empty, a laugh behind them, because he didn’t know what else to say. He tried to give himself a moment to come up with something better to say, but instead his shoulders dropped. “Do you believe in Karma, Devon?” he asked. “Not the idea I’ve heard lately where something you do now will affect your life later on, but the one where everything you do in your life will affect your next life?” He wasn’t so sure where he was going with that, where he was going with anything. He somehow wanted to tell her, wanted to let her know that he was dangerous and she shouldn’t think he was a good person. But he liked the idea she had, he wanted to believe that because he still thought of what he had done as bad, because he felt guilt for all of it, he could be a good person.