zcbbys-blog

[zcbbys-blog]

╰ 📲 · ˚ IMESSAGE ! 𝒛𝒆𝒃𝒃𝒚.

miller: yeah, that's fine by me

miller: you suggesting things may not be civil gave me a mental image of you beating me up

miller: but good idea, better to be safe than sorry

miller: also no crying on my watch please and thanks

zebby: hahah no miller i could never inflict harm on you that's silly.

zebby: alright i'll do my best to keep the tears from you.

zebby: i shall be over later.

[zcbbys-blog]

╰ 📲 · ˚ IMESSAGE ! 𝒛𝒆𝒃𝒃𝒚.

miller: yeah, totally up to you ig. i was just preparing for the worst.

miller: i'll try my best to make progress with this if we meet up. it'll be easier in person, i think.

miller: where do you wanna go?

zebby: well i supposed i can't fault you for preparation.

zebby: maybe it would be best if i come over. how is that?

zebby: i'd prefer this to not be a public conversation if things don't turn out... civil. or in the very likely case of tears.

[zcbbys-blog]

╰ 📲 · ˚ IMESSAGE ! 𝒛𝒆𝒃𝒃𝒚.

miller: even if i apologize now, it won't be good enough. it'll be right after you told me to say sorry and it'll seem anything but genuine. there's no winning.

miller: but as i said, i really am sorry. no one deserves to be lied to, you especially.

miller: you don't have to see me if you don't want to.

zebby: i think i'm the only one who gets to decide if it's good enough or not, don't you think? do you believe my tactics are circumvent? give me some credit, miller. i'm not a conniving as some of the other women you take to bed.

zebby: thank you miller, it means a lot that you would say that.

zebby: i only wish to meet if it's going to be a productive conversation. i don't wish to repeat history unless there will be new developments.

[zcbbys-blog]

╰ 📲 · ˚ IMESSAGE ! 𝒛𝒆𝒃𝒃𝒚.

miller: am i not allowed to care about you now lol

miller: what do you want me to do, zebby?

miller: i can't fix myself overnight

miller: and there's no way i can just leave you alone

zebby: your version of caring seems to be very different than the standard.

zebby: i want you to apologize. that's what i want you to do. you don't have to /fix/ anything to cough up an apology.

zebby: maybe swallow your thick pride, but if you really can't leave me alone like you say, it shouldn't be that hard.

zebby: if you do that, then maybe you can see me.

[zcbbys-blog]

╰ 📲 · ˚ IMESSAGE ! 𝒛𝒆𝒃𝒃𝒚.

miller: baby, you should sleep or it's gonna take a toll on your body

miller: yeah been drinking loads of water, promise

miller: but if my headache comes back i'll just get you to take care of me

miller: so it's a win/win situation

zebby: you don't need to worry about my body.

zebby: so we're back to this already? it's like you've forgotten what you did.

zebby: is there anything you'd like to say before i stop responding, miller? i don't really want to deal with you being a playboy asshole right now.

[zcbbys-blog]

ofsahcras:

      it annoyed the hell out of her the way that some of the customers talked to her, but while she didn’t entertain them, she did find herself mentally kicking the shit out of them. she knew that was grounds for termination if she ever tried to actually kick one of their asses, but it would be nice if she could get away with it at least once. releasing a sigh as zebby spoke, sahara nodded. “you got that righ. sometimes i just want to sock them right in the face.” her face scrunched as she stopped her folding, tucking her hands into the pockets of her joggers. “you’re such an angel, sebs.” she graciously accepted the bag, holding it close. “i was just about to go on break anyways.” 

          most of the time, zebby was clueless on how to handle costumers who spoke to her in an inappropriate way. typically she would just got to a coworker who had the tongue to tell them to fuck off. just because zebby didn’t have the ability to be rude, didn’t mean she was unable to call upon someone who could. the bag was then taken and zebby still held the drink tray and smiled.   “ i got off a bit ago. if you’d have my company, i’d be happy to join you. “   not that she imagined sahara would pass, but it was only polite to ask and make sure. maybe after this encounter, maybe she was more keen on spending time alone. that, zebby would understand.

[zcbbys-blog]

╰ 📲 · ˚ IMESSAGE ! 𝒛𝒆𝒃𝒃𝒚.

miller: hey gm

miller: headache's gone hah

miller: did you manage to sleep at all?

zebby: no. i told you i wouldn't. but the wine has finally worn off.

zebby: are you drinking water, miller? you know the headache will come back if you're dehydrated.

[zcbbys-blog]

[zcbbys-blog]

╰ 📲 · ˚ IMESSAGE ! 𝒛𝒆𝒃𝒃𝒚.

miller: yeah lmao

miller: see! i keep fucking up, saying the wrong thing, it's as if i don't even /know/ you. as in, i think i do but evidently, i'm selective about what traits i wanna neatly box you in to, and it can't work like that.

miller: yeah, i do like you. whatever. but, that doesn't explain or excuse the way i've been acting from day one.

miller: i'm sorry

miller: i'm no good at this

miller: thanks, i will. sleep well, z.

zebby: you should sleep. let your head rest. you don't have to have it figured out now.

zebby: i doubt i will get any sleep but thank you, m.

[zcbbys-blog]

╰ 📲 · ˚ IMESSAGE ! 𝒛𝒆𝒃𝒃𝒚.

miller: i'd really love to see a glimpse into your mind, to know if i'm this good guy you speak of so often, but i really wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't even exist.

miller: i don't hate myself or anything dramatically self-loathing like that, i simply don't think i'm capable of the things other people experience. your level of humanity is simply on another planet.

miller: i'm being honest with you. and, i'm actually surprised you don't already know that i do actually miss you when we're not together. for someone who's convinced that there's a glimmer of hope in me, it's odd that you'd think for even a minute that i come back to you just for sex.

miller: i literally can't say the right thing no matter what. let's just let this lie for now.

miller: maybe you need time to think about why you like me b/c this happens way too often for you not to harbour any sort of genuine negative feelings towards me

miller: this is too much rn i'll talk to you tomorrow

miller: got a headache.

zebby: is it so hard to believe anyone likes you miller? that someone /genuinely/ likes you?

zebby: i don't work like that miller! i'm not on some constant optimism drug that i never come down from. just because i think you're a good person deep down doesn't mean you don't hurt me or upset me. doesn't mean i don't think you're a prick sometimes.

zebby: i like the miller i get in those small moments. in the car and in bed and when you indulge in my obscurities.

zebby: i have lived a life of ugliness, miller. more so than most can say. you are an asshole, and a selfish one, but you're not evil. i know what it looks like.

zebby: the most obvious example is rather obvious. the fact that you choose to spend any time with me proves you're not as bad as you think. as you say yourself, for more reasons than just sex. you like me.

zebby: maybe time is good. but don't let yourself think you're the victim here. i still deserved an apology. but i've said my piece. we shall let it be.

zebby: please don't forget to drink water.

[zcbbys-blog]

╰ 📲 · ˚ IMESSAGE ! 𝒛𝒆𝒃𝒃𝒚.

miller: idk b/c it's weird when i'm without you. it feels like there's never gonna be a happy medium

miller: but i need to stop thinking about myself in all this

miller: it's amazing how you're so convinced that i'm good, really. i don't even believe it lmao

miller: i can't defend myself anymore this is how ridiculous it's getting

miller: ik it's fucked up but it's what i like about you. not that you'll always forgive me, but that you're genuinely /good/ and that's all you look for in the world.

miller: i have no idea what we should do

zebby: of course you don't believe it, you've got your head too far up your ass and you're stuck in this playboy fantasy of money and girls that you don't stop to take a look around you, OR yourself.

zebby: i've seen it miller. it's in there. you're too much of a prick to know when it's there but it is. and you don't have to believe me. if you think life's better hating yourself and making shit choices, i can't change you.

zebby: are you even telling me the truth or trying to kiss my ass? maybe that "weird feeling" is you missing me. but do you really miss me or do you miss fucking me? which is it? maybe it's both. just STOP LYING.

zebby: we? no. i think /you/ need to man up, apologize, and tell me what you really want then /i/ will decide how long i'm going to wait before i forgive you.

zebby: because i am good, miller, you're right. frankly, too good for you. but i like you a lot and i'm not sure why. so if you'll cut the shit and be real with me, maybe we'll work something out.

zebby: but if you're not going to, then leave me alone to eat my ice cream. you know where to find me if you ever want to become an adult.

[zcbbys-blog]

╰ 📲 · ˚ IMESSAGE ! 𝒛𝒆𝒃𝒃𝒚.

miller: i'm genuinely a shit person ig

miller: but there's no way i had the intent of making you look like a fool or anything like that

miller: you can choose to believe that or not

miller: we both know how much better of you'd be without me, without taking my bullshit

miller: my track record is too fucked now for me to try to make you think otherwise

zebby: why do you keep chasing me then? you say i'd be better off without you but then you come back telling me how you've changed and i believe you

zebby: that's what i do miller, i choose to see good in people,and i know you are good miller. somewhere, there's someone who wants to be better. i just think you're too blinded by your own bullshit to see it

zebby: i'm tired, miller. i'm so tired of this. i just wish you'd stop playing games with me. you contradict yourself so much i don't know what's the truth and what's the lie.

zebby: maybe if i was built like other girls i could tell you to fuck off but you know that i can't and i think that's the worst part. you found a perfect girl who's just broken enough to keep letting you back in.

[zcbbys-blog]

╰ 📲 · ˚ IMESSAGE ! 𝒛𝒆𝒃𝒃𝒚.

miller: i'm not i just feel bad so it's hard to say

miller: god

miller: i fucked her zebby

miller: that's what happened

zebby: i see...

zebby: thank you for being honest with me.

zebby: now do you get off on making me look like a fool?

zebby: do you like having me look like the naive little girl who keeps letting you back in? do you know how much shit i take for you miller.

zebby: if there's something i'm fully aware of it's that life isn't fair but this is just absurd.

[zcbbys-blog]

╰ 📲 · ˚ IMESSAGE ! 𝒛𝒆𝒃𝒃𝒚.

miller: i went to see a friend

miller: honey to be precise

miller: i don't /try/ to make a habit of lying to you, that's a bit of an exaggeration zebby

miller: we were just gonna talk for a bit but it didn't stay that way for long and other things happened

miller: i shouldn't have left you waiting for me, i just had no idea things were gonna end differently

zebby: stop treating me like a fucking child and just spill it

zebby: or don't. i can't force you to tell me anything but you're the one who said it'd be better to hear it from you directly.

zebby: either way i'll find out

[zcbbys-blog]

ofsahcras:

          “if there’s one thing that i love, it’s when assholes come into the store.” sahara exhaled, picking up the stack of clothing she needed to refold. “yell at me because your dickhead son won’t keep his ankle from rolling, that’s fine. get mad because we don’t have the retro lows in your size at the moment, that’s totally fine too, but if there’s one thing i can’t fucking stand, it’s the assholes who think i’m willing to let them have fucking sex with me for a pair of shoes.” she exhaled, pushing her hair out of her eyes as she gave the person she was talking to her full attention. “none of that language was appropriate for the workplace, but i don’t fucking care. i have a right to be annoyed, right?”

        she listened intently to the rant given by her friend. she gripped the brown bag tightly in her hands with the drink tray in the other. she always felt a slight distress when her friends were upset. zebby wanted to fix them. make them feel better. no one should be upset. the words casted her way were harsh and zebby didn’t like dirty they made her feel. the world was a gross place, she didn’t like being reminded of that.   “ i’m very sorry sahara. people are be gross sometimes. “   zebby herself attracted unease at her own place of work. zebby also didn’t hold anger quite like her friend. but she held up the items in her hand in hopes to take her mind away from him.   “ i did bring you lunch though. “   she grins.

[zcbbys-blog]

lakeabbctt:

lake had gotten a job for many reasons. the first and most important reason was to get somewhere to live and be able to afford rent. luckily, he had found felix- his roommate. so it wasn’t as expensive as lake had expected. the second reason was to impress girls. but the third reason was to be able to buy a surfboard and shred. thankfully, lake is and always has been good at saving money, so a large portion of his paychecks went to a savings account. specifically the one that he had labeled the “gnarly fund.” he had surfed one time at his uncle’s beach house in hawaii when he was able to spend the summer with him. and from what lake had heard, it was like riding a bike. you never forget. yet, here he was with his new wetsuit and new board, toes buried deep into the sand and his eyes locked on the intimidating waves. he turned to a person standing nearby, sighing. “in your opinion, do you think those waves will kick my ass?”

         zebby was birthed from the east coast and east coast alone. she spent her days on gloomy beaches where she’d have to wear a coat in order to last long. as a kid she’d travel to coney island but it was always packed. in short, she hated beaches until she became an adult. until she bloomed into someone who loved the idea of sunlight. now, going to the beach with her toes in the sand and her nose in a good book was relaxing. not to mention people watching was always a good pass-time. and thus brought a new face to her which she greeted with a warm smile, amused by his inquiry.   “ considering waves do not have feet, i think it’s safe to say your ass is safe. “   she smirks at her own odd humor, looking back at the waves themselves in question.   “ however, it’s very windy and according to my moon chart at home, the tides are not in your favor. “   she hums in thought of her own words, chuckling a bit as her fingers trace over the paper of her book.   “ seems though that if you live your life according to charts, you’re destined to live a relatively boring life. “    shaking her head, she looks up at the stranger.   “ my apologies, i tend to ramble. “

[zcbbys-blog]

Zoey Deutch photographed by Beau Grealy for C Magazine (2017)