zennami

[zennami]

Had a meltdown

Well, I made this account to pour down my emotions, life updates, trying to put a routine into my life, and all that shit. Tried a 21 days challenge for fixing shit in my life, failed at it miserably, and couldn't last 10 days properly..

Now it's 12:47 AM and I need to wake up tomorrow at 6 AM to leave for an office trip. I can't help but be sad because I got turned down by my so-called friends and the person who claims to be with me, isn't helping at all and just doesn't wanna understand anything and I feel most disconnected from him cause everything I have to plan, organize, clean, cook and what all that shit. Fuck princess treatment.

I no longer have good friends with whom I can call and vent my heart out or plan something. I haven't lost any weight (instead gained some). I haven't completed my interview preparation or moved an inch that is worth calling progress.. I suck at work too.. I am a loner and not doing anything worthwhile in my life. I worry about my family, myself, and my career. I feel unloved and misunderstood and I am not a good person

Everything just gets shattered so easily.

[zennami]

i have a question: why do you keep sabotaging yourself? why is it that as soon as you think something is just out of your reach you do everything you can to get in your own way? why is it that as soon as things seem to be going right, you plant your feet and sit on the ground with your legs crossed?

you're not fucking lucky. you worked for it, you sweated, and you cried, and you sacrificed so much to reach the level of knowledge and skill you have now.

have you worked so hard only to say "how lucky"? no, damn it, i won't let you. you may not be a genius, you may not be the best in the world, but do you fucking think anyone could do what you did? do you think anyone could get to where you are? do you believe that anyone has the possibilities that you have?

put this in your head, you are not unexpressed potential, you are exceptional and with your hard work you can achieve unimaginable things. stop wasting your dreams just because they seem too big for the drawer.

edit : in italian we say "dream in the drawer" when we refer to a hope that is unlikely to come true, but not impossible.

ex. my dream in the drawer is to become a famous singer all over the world

(just in case you didn't understand the last sentence)

[zennami]

21 Days Focus Challenge

{11-11-2024} ~ { 21 days focus challenge } ~ Day 10

Be honest with yourself. Be honest about your efforts. Be honest about the times you slacked off. Be honest about not giving your all. Be honest about making the wrong decision and hiding it. Be brutally honest with yourself about everything. And then learn to forgive yourself. Learn to tell yourself it's okay to make mistakes and accept them to get right back up.

Be honest with yourself and you will start to trust and understand yourself much better. You will start to become confident. Cause all these efforts we put in are for our growth. No point in hiding stuff so that your friend or your mom won't get angry cause at the end it affects you only. So be honest.

Today, need to cover the office backlog, and might not be able to spend too much time on DSA. But I'll try

Health-wise? Intermittent fasting, Let's go! Tomorrow I will have a fast. It feels good to not eat anything after stuffing yourself everyday kind of like a detox

[zennami]

"Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself " ~ Abraham Joshua Heschel

[zennami]

21 Days Focus Challenge

{09-11-2024} ~ { 21 days focus challenge } ~ Day 8

Sorry for the coming rant. But it gets hard. It gets read hard. You face failures, lose motivation, and think it is okay to slack off. You think it is okay to give up; you've tried it enough, maybe some other time. I deserve the rest now, etc. Every ounce of your body might resist you when you're doing what is right but difficult. You start to lose motivation, but that's when consistency/discipline comes into play.

Maybe you lost that opportunity despite the hard work you put in. But you don't know. Consistency in taking those steps forward might lead you to something you never even imagined. You lost the previous opportunity because you had it in you to bag an even greater opportunity coming your way, which you would've lost if you weren't consistent and disciplined.

That is why just shut your brain and keep working on yourself and your goals.

3 productivity hours of focusing on DSA - greedy algorithm. I want to start binary trees now. A bit of introduction cause during the week, I can't take such a big topic with my normal office workload

Health-wise? Well, I have bad stomach aches and am very moody. But it will pass in a week.

I wanna target 20 DSA problems today anyhow

[zennami]

21 Days Focus Challenge

{09-11-2024} ~ { 21 days focus challenge } ~ Day 7

It gets difficult but trust the process, it gets better

The target for today is to complete the linked list data structures today with a total of 18 questions

It's difficult to manage work with your studies but you have to trust the process and the hard work put in

[zennami]

21 Days Focus Challenge

{04-11-2024} ~ { 21 days focus challenge } ~ Day 3

We don't realize the many past problems and hurdles we have overcome and continue to overcome. We don't really appreciate ourselves for that. We shrug it off, but it is also an achievement that should be appreciated.

Every day, we face so many challenges and continue to get up and live our lives no matter how difficult or painful it feels. We are stronger than we think

Day 3:

Monday's workload is soo shit, especially after the festive season. I hate my manager dude. This current job leaves me close to no time for myself or the extra studies I need to do. But here we are trying to accomplish it somehow by stretching nights

Food-wise? Pretty decent

Exercise? Well, not heavy workouts but at least consistent with regular evening walks

[zennami]

21 Days Focus Challenge

{03-11-2024} ~ { 21 days focus challenge } ~ Day 2

Discipline is the highest form of self-love. No success is achievable without self-discipline.

Our conscious knows what is right for us, yet somehow, we end up doing something completely different from what needs to be done. We know studying for 2 hours today is going to avoid that last-minute anxiety and guilt before the final exam but we somehow still choose to push it till the end. When it's unavoidable.

Here comes discipline, to follow that routine which is good for our health, complete that project before the deadline, and spend 1-2 hours daily studying to avoid 10+ hours of stress one day before the exam.

I wanna enforce this in me.

Day 2

Spent 2+ hrs studying DSA today which is a lot more than my previous study sessions ( literally 0 hours )

Health-wise? I kind of sucked. But I did go for a walk and didn't have junk food. Lol.

Work-wise? I have max-level office anxiety for Monday and the clock is ticking like crazy! But it's unavoidable. Let's try our best.

[zennami]

21 Days Focus Challenge

{02-11-2024} ~ { 21 days focus challenge } ~ Day 1

I think I've lost control over my brain and body. I've gained weight. I haven't prepared for my upcoming interview, which is 9 days from now... I am binge-watching Netflix, Instagram, and YouTube shorts. I binge-eat food and fast food at odd times.

I need to control my life, get better, and recognize this opportunity. I need to acknowledge it, value it, and work hard for it. I need to value what has been provided to me, not everyone gets this interview. And if I do get it, my life would have taken a big leap in my career goals

So, I know I wasted almost 2 months that was given to me for preparing and all and obviously, if I had started early, I would have been in much better shape. But it's not too late.

Because preparing nothing at all and not with full commitment in these 9 days would give me close to a 0% chance of cracking this thing. But with full commitment and dedication in these 9 days may be able to increase the chances from close to 0% to some percentage greater than 0%

So, this blog is to track that progress and keep me in check, my health, and my studies in check

And if I don't change anything, then nothing changes, and I'm stuck in this loophole forever

Day 1:

Studied for 40 mins in the morning, doing DSA. I was only able to solve like 3 questions so need to do more in the night now

Worked out for 20 mins.

Diet wise? Didn't do well. Tomorrow onwards will be more strict toward this

I logged out from Netflix. I have become an addict. Eating? Netflix Free time? Netflix Applying cream? Netflix Sitting? Netflix. I had to stop this from tomorrow onwards

[zennami]

“The pain of discipline is far less than the pain of regret.” – Sarah Bombell.