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[zero-0-clock]

Wyll: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.

Astarion: This knife is actually a magic wand.

Karlach: Meet me in the Elfsong tavern’s parking lot for a wizard duel.

Tav: *loads crossbow* Magic missile.

Gale: What the fuck is wrong with you people?!?!

[zero-0-clock]

More of this nonsense. First round. Second round.

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Baldur's Gate 3 Incorrect Quotes: A Masterlist

Figured it was time to organize all this unhinged madness. I'll be retroactively going through all my BG3 Incorrect Quotes and linking to this masterlist in order to make this collection of nonsense easier for people to find. Enjoy!

Dinner Conversation

Boundaries

The Optimist

Jokes

The Height of Stupidity

Details

Feral and Maladjusted

Bold of you to assume...

Mean Girls...and a Vampire

Adventures in Babysitting...a Grownass Group of Idiots

Hair and Makeup Break

Renaming the Jackass Jar

Safety Drill

Pet Names

Retail Work

Triforce of Evil Board Meeting

Cooking With Gale

We Might Need These Later

[zero-0-clock]

*At their weekly triforce of evil board meeting.*

Ketheric: Araj has some new elixirs she's experimenting with and is asking for a gnoll to test them on.

Durge: No.

Ketheric: What?

Durge: Let me elaborate; tell bitchtits to get fucked.

Gortash: *Snorts*

Ketheric: You have twelve of them! Surely you can spare one?

Durge: "Get fucked. Love, Durge." Write that down and send it to her.

Ketheric: Gods below! I'll go send one of the gnolls, myself!

Gortash: I wouldn't recommend doing that.

Ketheric: Why?

Durge: Because then I'd have twelve gnolls and a dead body.

Gortash: Technically, he's already-

Durge: NOBODY ASKED YOU, ENVER!

- - - -

BG3 Incorrect Quotes Masterlist.

[zero-0-clock]

Durge: *Pets the Owlbear Cub *

Owlbear Cub: You smell very delicious, but I won't bite you.

Gale: What a charming and polite creature.

Lae'zel: Its respect of personal boundaries is to be commended.

Shadowheart: How nice it is to have at least one feral little critter in camp with some restraint.

Astarion: *From across camp.* IT WAS ONE TIME!

-----

I have a headcannon that this is an ongoing joke in camp every time the Owlbear Cub gets pets.

BG3 Incorrect Quotes Masterlist

[zero-0-clock]

Jaheira: "It is amazing that you all have survived traveling with a bhaalspawn all this time. How have you managed this?"

Wyll: "I told them it was normal to have violent thoughts after all we've been through. ☺️"

Shadowheart: "Same. 🙂"

Gale: "Same, I once wanted a book but someone else got to it before I-☝️"

Lae'zel: "I told them to plan their attacks more efficiently. 🙄"

Karlach: "I wanted to hug them to make them feel better, but I'd fry them. 🥺"

Astarion: "I don't see any problems. We should all have fun and be ourselves. 🥰"

Halsin: "They seem very nice so far, a true friend of nature. 🐻"

Jaheira:

(She is so patient with us.)

[zero-0-clock]

[zero-0-clock]

drew something dumb

[zero-0-clock]

stoick thinking his son is gone. toothless waiting until stoick apologizes to show hiccup to him. toothless showing stoick what he could’ve lost, what he could lose, if he doesn’t become the father hiccup deserves.

[zero-0-clock]

Now that I'm working in the anthropology department and we're teaching human evolution, I wonder how many anthropologists looking for ancient hominids must have found modern human remains instead. You didn't find a fossil of human evolution... but you did find the remains of a person. Isn't that meaningful, too? And also... they are so similar to us, that it's not unlikely that so many remains that could have been key to understanding human evolution have been misidentified as just humans (which raises the question "weren't they just human" but I digress)

There's an interesting story about Sahelanthropus (a hominid similar to chimpanzees who walked upright about 6 millions ago in modern Chad). When it was discovered, the remains presented wear and tear from wind and sun exposure, which was wierd because they were found buried. It was then the anthropologist noticed it was buried with its head facing towards Mecca, like in proper Muslim burial practice. Muslim nomads must have found the remains of Sahelanthropus, they would have thought it was a human, and decided to give it a proper burial, even if they didn't know its story or who was it life, they thought those bones deserved to rest.

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WIP of Jayce and Viktor levitation

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i'm not human enough to love you right now 💫

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how do you think Silco reacts to Powder and Ekko dating in the au? honest if I was Ekko I’d be TERRIFIED everyday of my life knowing who my gf’s parents are. I also think we need more fanfiction about this

I think Ekko is one of the few people who are safe from the "scary dads" thanks to being Benzo's kid. Also, Ekko knows how soft they really are.

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Me, you, and our giant robot son

[zero-0-clock]

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he brought his cane back and his itty bitty Toothless

[zero-0-clock]

There is poison on your hands. You know this.

It's strange, isn't it? The way it seeps through your fingers, the way it bleeds and bleeds and bleeds into the grass, the ground, the sky. Everywhere.

Some people think the world will end. Others are certain of it. They make plans and talk and talk and talk. It's never enough (it will never be).

We're reaching out. The birds are dying (so are the foxes. And the wolves. And the deer and the dogs and the cats and antilopes and spiders). Do you hear them? I think I do.

You are still bleeding. And you feel alone in the middle of this empty field, tainting the green with your red. But your eyes are fixed on your wounds (you hear others crying out, sometimes. From far away. And you want to help but you don't know if you can. You try anyway and wonder if it's enough. You know it's not). You do not see the ground, only the wounds. And you do not see that the field is not green nor empty and it has never been (Tell me, did you think you were alone? How does it feel, to know you're not? Is it better? Worse? Can you tell?).

You are in a field. You hold your own hand and you bleed.