zsafehands

[zsafehands]

8th April 2025

Went KKH with the little one. We both know something is missing. And that is you.

We felt at ease today.

Thank you for checking on me and making sure my thoughts are heard always, Ayden Shah ❤️

[zsafehands]

Spoke to son earlier today.

He asked if i have decided on the break up and what would be my decision be..How do i answer this little boy? It wasn’t me who wanted to cancel the wedding/solemnisation/home…

When i told him that Z cancelled the wedding, son asked “then you cannot get another wedding?” I asked “another wedding? With who, Ayden?” He said “with uncle Z la” with a heavy heart, i told him “Uncle Z doesn’t want me anymore sayang. He cancelled everything. He even wanted to let go of 314.” He then asked “let go of 314? But why? I thought that is our home? But can we still go there atleast 1 week once or 2 times?”

I’m sure, pretty sure, Ayden’s vision of us being a happy family is ruined and crashed. As a mother, i know and i could see that Ayden had tried his best to change his ways. From being the pampered little boy who gets everyone does everything for him, to the one that does almost everything by himself. He changed alot, to make us proud and motivate him. Afterall, he is just a 9 years old kid.. no kids deserve to have a broken home.. he tried his best, and i love him for that.

I’m sorry son, mum failed yet again. I probably won’t try again.. atleast not anytime soon..

And look how fast he learnt to ride a bike. He told me Affan taught him but he wasnt confident. That was until this day, he learnt it on our way back to my parent’s house.

[zsafehands]

6th April 2025

I woke up crying. Dreamt about 49 days later. Life was beautiful. It was just the happy us. Skipped to 2 years later, my Sonshine and our Aulia Sumaiyyah by our side playing.

Allahu… please make me stronger.

But i will not tolerate anyone who would point out my past mistakes on my son. The mistake i did was fully my mistake. Ayden has got nothing to do with it or to be blame for it.. We are adults and as a parents, it is our job to educate them. Growing without a father figure lead him to behave how he is because as everyone knows how grandparents would favour and pamper us. I’m a mother and will always be a mother. To guide my son in the most gentle and soft way is my duty. I can never be too harsh on him. I guess kids who grew with father figure will never understand Ayden’s situation..

When i told Ayden this is another break up. His answer was not the usual other break ups i had. He usually would be “okay ma, are you okay?” But when i told him yesterday, he went “can you wait for a day maybe? Don’t decide now.”

Adui, my heart hurts 😢

I’m sorry, son. Once again, i failed.

[zsafehands]

It was a good 1 year 7 months..

I would say we maintained this relationship well. You and I. You’ve put alot of efforts for us, so did i. You worked hard for us. Alot of times when you took out your wallet to pay our meals, my clothes and even my raya shoes/outfit, it brought me to tears. You’ve sacrificed so much with the little that you have. I admit, you did alot and sacrificed alot more than i do. You’re a better cook and how much i love your cookings. Even if it is just maggie, i needed to have a bite because you are just so good at cooking.

I love how we split chores among us. Like how i vacuum and mop while you cook. I can wash the clothes and you hang them and i’ll fold them when they’re dry.

Looking back, oh how much we have grown.. from just a normal matured couple to a really matured married couple. Sigh.

I know things have been chaotic between us.. i know dugaan is getting harder. That is Setan’s job afterall right? They will do their outmost best to stop us from building our Masjid.. but i guess they win this time.. everything have been cancelled..

Went for Jalan Raya with Ayah’s side today. Everyone, literally all my kakak sedara and aunties/uncles asked about our wedding which was supposed to be happening next month, 49 days to be exact. I’ve been looking at my lockscreen for the countdown.. shit.. talking about this really brought me to tears. I’m not strong.. i don’t know where or what went wrong. I’m starting my job in a week or two.. i’m sure everything will go back as per usual.. the OA contributions, the savings. We had big dreams together.. We always imagined Aulia Sumaiyyah 😢😢

I wish i could say all these to you… but i know you’re too mad to listen. I wish we could heart to heart talk… i miss you, Zaidy Iskandar.

Goodnight, Zaidy Iskandar sayang I.

Drive leklok sayang, i love you! ❤️

Yours sincerely,

Mrs Zaidy // Raihanah, your precious gem

[zsafehands]

Its been a while since……… idk.

Tonight, it hurts a little more than usual.

I was taken aback by whatever that is happening in the past few weeks/days. I feel like my world has turned upside down. My heart shattered into thousands of pieces yet again after so long.

Yes, I had problems with my families lately. I was given immediate termination from work. But did i asked for all these to happen? No. I didn’t asked to be born in this cruel world. Did i asked to fall sick every now and then? No. I have tried my outmost best in everything i do. Every single thing i did in my life, i have put my heart and soul into it. But was i under appreciated? Yes. Did everyone looked down on me? Yes. I kept thinking where did i went wrong. I never asked for anything bad to enter my life. What sin have i committed to face this shitty situation?

My dad, when i told him i did not have enough to contribute for last month’s bill “Itu bukan masalah aku pe. Kau yang cari masalah.” And then, there was him “Tu duit OCBC jgn kacau, da pakai mcm mane nk bayar balik” ��duit SP mcm mane?” “Next month contribution mcm mane?” “Da ckp banyak kali, jaga attendance. Skrg da kene buang, baru nk mencacah.”

Kenapa… kenapa aku jadi mcm pengemis skrg? Aku mintak ke semua bende jadi kat aku? Aku mintak ke dugaan hidup aku mcm gini?

Lately pun, ashik kene tengking. Barang dapur dihempas. Plastic kat SS tadi pun… Allahu…

I went back to the first day. To the very first “Assalamualaikum”… i read back our texts… i hear all the voicenotes…. How he always sent me long texts, saying how much he appreciate having me in his life. That i was his answered prayer. I was his precious gem. How he promised to love and care for me with gentleness. How he would treat me better and that i do not deserve any of the treatments from my past…

But look what happen now……

Yes i know i’m ugly now.. i’ve gained a few kg… my hair is still short. I don’t look good. I understand work has been chaotic. I understand me being terminated have made situation worst. But i am not a punching bag… i have feelings too..

If i could turn back time, i would want to run and cry on Nenek’s lap… i miss her.. i miss her smile.. Nenek, i wish you could take me.. to meet Allah. I don’t want to live anymore, Nek. Can you please take me with you? Talk to Allah and take me away from this Dunya… i’m tired, Nek… Demi Allah nana penat…

Ya Allah… kau ampunkanlah dosa2ku Ya Allah… malam ni, malam yang sangat sangat penting Ya Allah. Malam ini adalah antara malam 10 hari terakhir ramadhan. Aku minta ampun Ya Allah.. badan aku kotor pada saat ini, maka aku tak dapat sujud kepadamu malam penting ini… aku mohon, kau ampunkanlah dosa dosa ku, semua dosa yang aku lakukan dalam keadaan sedar atau tidak.. kau ambillah nyawa ku ketika aku sudah sedia berjumpa denganmu Ya Allah. Aku lelah.. aku letih..

🤍

[zsafehands]

26th September 2024.

Let’s skip to a year later for now. We’ll come back to where we left after today hehe!

Alhamdulillah. Masyaallah. Tabarakallah.

Before today ends, I’d like to wish us a Happiest Anniversary, My Love. We both know it have not been all shine and rainbows for the past 365 days together. But we believe seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I love you, Zaidy 🤍

[zsafehands]

4th January 2024!

Someone turns a year older today!! I was super late for work because honestly i don’t work on my birthday. But this year, i had to. It was so sad i had to go to work. I was supposed to be a baby, because i am just a baby!

Reached work and there was a cake waiting for me. Who would have known!!! Ended work, and my monkeys surprised me at the carpark.

WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN!

There were 2 cakes in a day. So glad i came to work. I’m only down for the cakes hehe! Thank you everyone for celebrating this day with me. I couldn’t ask for more..

[zsafehands]

31st December 2023.

365 out of 365.

I got to say, the 3/4 of the year wasn’t so great. I thought things will get better with the wrong person. So many things i hoped for. But that was until i met you one the last 1/4 or the year.

My love, you have made my life so much easier. You made me at peace with myself. You make me feel complete. I wonder, how a person in 3 months could make you feel and be the better version of yourself than someone whom you knew for 4 years.

On this day, son again requested to go Science Centre. Again, me and Zek brought him here upon his request. We had so much fun seeing and exploring the place. We took photobooth yet again. I was so so happy on this day.

When Science Centre closed, we made our way to MBS to watch the fireworks for countdown.

Watch how the video changes time and date as soon as it went 0000hrs.

Allahu..

I could never asked for more. You ended my year so well. I knew my prayers for the past weeks/months will not be in vain. I knew, my soulmate, will the Man i can joke around with, have fun with, his natural scent is something for me to die for and that is will be my bestfriend for life. It is the total opposite from what the wrong ones had in store for me. All praised to Allah.

Alhamdulillah. Masyaallah. Tabarakallah.

[zsafehands]

30th December 2023.

We had desserts at my favourite dessert store in Arab St.

Afterwards, we went to my most favourite ever place in December. It’s the Christmas Wonderland! Love this place so much i had to go every single year. It’s the atmosphere during this period. The fake snow, the songs, the carnival, the bell sound, the lights, every thing, every single thing love gituuuu!!

I had to drag this man to follow us to this place. He wasn’t really into it, i know.. he hated crowd. But he still went with us anyway hehe! Oh yes, we met his mum here too! So fun to know his mum too will accompany Haris, Zek’s younger brother, to this place to enjoy!

Too bad i was too late to ask, she went home by public. Pity her. I knew her knees were not well.. only got to know his ex made noise for needing to meet his mum halfway. She probably felt bad and didn’t want Zek to fight with his gf again by troubling to send her home. Sigh, that’s totally not me.. i hope his mum knows.. I’ve loved her like my own.

Things will get better soon, we all know it!

We all had fun on this day. The photobooth was my favourite!!

We then went to car meet up for awhile, man my love for cars are crazy. Thank god this man is able to entertain me haha!

[zsafehands]

28th December 2023.

So we started wearing the Crocs to work today. Never have i ever thought i’d own a real Crocs. But oh wells, anything Zek gave, i love it all hehe!

Man sent me to work and fetch me as usual. Told me he needed to collect something as his stuff arrived. And…..

TADAAAAAAA ~ !

Here comes my 2nd present!

The Nealofa telekung i ever needed in my life. It so soft and smooth. Furthermore it’s pink!!! Matches my sejadah. Makes me want to face Allah with my beautiful sweet outfit!

Subhanallah. Tabarakallah.

Thank you so much sayang for the super advance birthday gift. Who would have thought you’d get me such a thoughtful gift. May the days i stand and prayed to Allah in this telekung washes away your sins and may Allah grant you blessings for each time i use it.

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

[zsafehands]

10th Decemvber 2023!!

I just noticed i missed this date. Oh dear.

Anywoos,

We brought son to USS as per requested by the little one himself. We had so much fun. We made him try the Mummy rollercoaster kekeke! Little one was so afraid but couldn’t control his screams haha funny!

Played almost all of the rides. But didn’t manage to try the huge roller coaster. Our best one had to be the Dinosaur ride! All wet! Hahahahaha! It was so much fun!

We ate the best burger that i was craving for at USS, my tummy couldn’t be happier! All of is had fun today. We took some photos and went home after.

Ya Allah,

I couldn’t ask for more. Here, is exactly what i prayed for, for years.

Alhamdulillah. Syukur. Tabarakallah 🤍

[zsafehands]

27th Dec 2023.

There are many reasons why I decided to have a Tumblr and to wrote all the days we spent with each other. To appreciate the good days we have, to reminisce every moments of knowing each other, to constantly remind myself he is the kind of man i needed and to look back when i feel a little less secure.

Anywoos, on this day, i had company dinner at Seasonal Taste at the Westin. So so excited for this day to come, i mean i get excited because it was food hehehehe! Tell me when was the last i had buffet!! The seafood was umh, the salmon umh chef’s kiss!! I’d go again if i have the chance to, Insyaallah!

So we had great dinner and catch up session. We took some photos and my Man decided to fetch me hehe! He said he went to suntec while waiting. Little did i knew, he bought me an advance birthday present, Crocs for my work 😭

My love, you are too precious. I had great dinner, great company, great partner and it was great to end the night like this.

[zsafehands]

14th-15th September 2024

Last weekend, have got to be one of my worst nightmare.

We were at the verge of loosing each other. Should we let our ego wins, we’d definitely going to lose each other. When he was mad, i was cool. When i was mad, he was cool. He got mad again, i tried to cool him down. Which was too late because he did what he did, i said what i said and we felt what we felt.

It really shatters my heart to see us like this. Allahu, i really sayang this Man but there will be days where out of consciousness, i’ll be the ungrateful one. He, would do anything to see a smile on my face. He, would do anything to keep me mentally and physically safe. How is it possible for me to forget that.

As much as i hope he would appreciate me more, i believe he too, wants to be treated like a King he is. Our personality almost doesn’t match whenever we argue. There’s so much more we need to learn from each other. There alot more things we both need to improve within ourselves to be better for each other.

Ya Allah,

Please let me be the peace this Man needs. Please let me be the better one for him. Please let me be strong to face all the struggles and downfalls that you have wrote in our story. Please grant this relationship with lots of laughters and love. Please forgive for all the wrongdoings that we have done as an individual as well as the sins we did with or without realising as a couple. I hope he is the better one for me. I hope he brings peace in my life. I hope he becomes strong emotionally, and learn to be strong in controlling our angers. For he is the Man in our soon to be little family.

Ya Allah,

If possible, please avoid the unnecessary arguments like the one we had on Saturday and Sunday. Please keep us safe under your care. For we put all of our trust to no other but You.

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

[zsafehands]

25th December 2023

We went out with my family on this day because Awu decided to treat us all! And ofcos, for some karaoke session!

This was the first time Aufa took his van and we carpool with her. We played with Syaziela. The love these 2 girls have for Zek literally makes me jealous. Imagine having a daughter then! Confirm lekaaaaaaat je with him kan! Then Mama how? Left alone :(

But all that aside, seeing him with kids melts my heart. I have no idea why this guy always surprise me with alot of things day by day. I am never bored of him. Every single day, there will always a new antics that leave me in awe.

Oh, i love this foolish man ❤️

[zsafehands]

24th December 2023

Here’s another video of that day. I mean, look at his smile 🥹❤️

[zsafehands]

24th December 2023.

It was….. our first JB trip together ❤️

He said he never went out of borders with any of his exes, so here we go! Bringing him to eat good food (KFry) and ice skating. We had some full body massage after, guess I needed that the most!

We also took some photobooth pictures together to keep as a memory. I swear my love for photobooth is beyond words. I love to keep photos, videos and voice notes for memories. I always know I have a tough time remembering things and I hope to remember us for a lifetime.

Watching the video reminds me of how well he treated and look after me. How he ensure I didn’t fall. I mean, look at how big those hands were compared to mine! Oh the simplest things that makes me love him.

This day was amazing. And i hoped in time to come, we’ll explore the rest of the world together. Insyaallah!

[zsafehands]

17th December 2023

Visit the kubur day.

I have been telling him that I missed arwah nenek. 2 weeks we planned to visit my late grandparents but didn’t managed to cause we both forgotten and the other, Ayden was not with us.

So we did on this day. I was happy to bring him there. To let my late grandparents know of his existence in my life. This man really mean the whole world to me. Not only he changed me for better, he also made me feel better.

Like everyone said, a person in 2 months can make you feel what a person in 2 years couldn’t. Time means nothing, character does.

This man, is to die for. Because of him, I want to be the better version of myself. For him and for me.

His reaction to me wearing tudung was priceless. I will forever remember this day 🥹🤍