#acowar

[azsazz]

Tethered

Azriel x Reader

Summary: Trying a little something different here...not sure how I'm going to explain it yet, but this fic is more of a fantasy aspect than my other fics.

Warnings: Mentions of burns and death.

Word Count: 3,569

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Pain.

The first thing you recognize when you come to is pain. That, and the darkness.

It consumes you from all angles, a darkness so deep and ancient it feels otherworldly. It coils around you like a frightened snake, smothering what little air you’re able to choke down. You blink once, twice, to attempt to clear your vision, but the black coating the space around you doesn’t so much as shift.

It’s how you know you’re in deep shit.

A sharp pounding pierces your skull, preventing you from shoving your shaky arms beneath your aching body and pushing to your feet. The feeling is worse than that of any wound bestowed upon you up until this point. Not even the King of Hel’s rigorous training or your mother’s disappearance had been so painful.

There’s a gnawing so deeply in your bones that you wonder if the feeling has always been with you, if you’ve somehow become accustomed to the feeling of your body screaming in agony.

Growing up in Hel, you should be used to such things.

Sunbursts spot your vision, the bleeding eclipses warring with the darkness. You hold your breath for a beat or two, trying to force your pulsing heart to calm. Exhaling slowly doesn’t help, only forces your breathing to become shakier.

It’s eerily silent, save for your panting breath. The screams of agony still ring in your ears, the King of Hel’s malicious laugh accompanying them as he splays himself across his throne, grinning at the two maidens sat in his lap.

As you scramble to gather your bearings, you wrack your muddled mind for where you might be and how you survived. You take inventory of as much as you’re able—the sharp flares of pain in your ribs, jagged and harsh with each inhale and exhale you take, and there’s a ringing in your ears that gives even the wailing spirits of Hel a run for their coin.

Hel. The last thing you remember was standing before your King, the sovereign of the underworld. He’d smirked down at you from his throne made of obsidian and bones, towering over not only you, but the entirety of Hel itself. The wicked curve of his lips and piercing dark eyes had only forced you down to your knees by looks alone.

You had not wanted to meet the gaze of your ruler, always hated his attention on you, but as one of his favored, you were often in his presence. Forced into doing his dirty work because of what you were born into, powers that were unlike anything in either Hel nor Haven, a one-of-a-kind ability he sought to take advantage of.

Your glittering quiver had been strapped across your back, and the image comes back to you vividly—clutching the grip of your bow as the King sealed your bargain with a red-hot hand to your skin and a wicked grin on his face.

A shuddering inhale makes your nose scrunch. You can still smell the remnants of your burning flesh beneath his palm.

You had nearly passed out from the pain. Maybe you did, because no matter how much you furrow your brows and wrack your brain, you can’t seem to figure out how you ended up where you are now, face down on the cold, hard ground.

Reaching out blindly for the bow that’s fallen from your fingers, you groan, the long sleeve of the silky white shirt you don beneath your armor brushes against the sensitive mark on your forearm. Your fingers creak as you uncurl them, rubble and debris scratching against your hand, burying deep beneath your nails as you search for your weapon.

The lightweight of your quiver is comfortable at your back. You choke down a shuddering groan as you lift your wings, biting your lip at the tenderness you feel at your back. They seem to be in one piece, as you twist them this way and that, only throbbing dully with bruises. Creatures of all sorts could be lining the darkness surrounding you, and you understand that you’re taking too long to rise, the shadows and nightmares of The Void keeping you off balance.

The King must have had one of his goons throw your hardly-conscious body into The Void after your bargain sealed. That’s how you ended up here. A spine cracking shudder makes bumps rise on your skin as your body stills.

Stories of The Void come rushing to you, and if you try hard enough, you can smell the lingering scents of the other worlds’—a smoldering smoke as black as The Void surrounds you, cloying your throat in thick waves as if trying to choke you, brand you with the reminder of where you are to return to. Cutting through the utter wickedness is the sharp perfume of something other, a fresh breeze lined with citrus that must be a figment of your imagination because there is no scent like that in Hel, nor breeze in The Void. It simply is.

It must be Haven, you decide. You only recognize the heavens from stories trickled down through the rift of worlds, from picturesque stories and secrets in shadow.

You haven’t known anything other than Hel. You cannot recall your father, hardly any of your mother, nor how you ended up in the King’s care. All you remember from your earliest memories are the soothing tones of your mother when you were young and scared, calming you in her arms before you ended up with the King, and the gleaming bow you never go without.

Forged by a millennia-old weapons-master, you’d been gifted the very weapon you seek now. No one knows how it had gotten to her—not even the King himself—only that the exquisite piece had come from the best battlement blacksmith Hel had to offer. You were no older than eight, eyes rounded with wonder at the sight of the gleaming gold bow settled on your bed, matching quiver and arrows accompanying it.

You shove the thoughts away. Your heart leaps into your throat the longer you search for your weapon. The pain zipping up your body help to focus you, and the strain threatens to give out as your fingers finally find the familiar metal grip of your bow. You hold on tightly and drag it to you, feeling the weapon for signs of damage.

Your bow soothes you as you trace your fingers across the solid gold riser. You know this weapon better than you know yourself. You could be blind and know the inside outs of your beloved weapon, like you are now, vision clouded with black as your fingers slide down the string, taut and flexible as ever.

Once you’re satisfied with the condition of your bow, you attempt to rise. The thick robes you’re clothed in had broken none of the fall. They’re heavy against your body as you struggle to gain your footing, stretching your wings wide to balance. The fabric brushes against your wound and you bite back a yelp at the pain that burns through you like a wildfire.

You had thought that without parents or a family to lose there would be nothing for the King to hold over your head, to force you into his tricks and deals, for him to rip away for his enjoyment, but the wretched ruler always found a way. You clenched your teeth so hard that you thought they would crack as you were forced to your knees before him, glaring daggers up at the beautiful ruler while he only grinned like a wolf, licking over those sharpened canines like he was out for your blood. Again.

He hadn’t let you agree to the terms of your bargain until you screamed.

Shoving to your feet, you splay your arms wide for balance. The harsh ground offered no grip beneath your boots and the blackness does little to help you stay stable. You try to keep your breathing calm when it sharpens as you look around. There’s nothing but the darkness and yourself, not a pinprick of light to guide you nor a sound to be heard. Not even your own thick-soled shoes make noise as you test a step forward.

The silence doesn’t break and the prowling creatures that reside in The Void don’t stir. Beings of nightmares, you’d been told when you were only a child and before your mother was taken from you. Your imagination couldn’t be sated when you were young, always begging for more and more stories of the world outside of Hel, questioning why you weren’t allowed to go anywhere else.

You hated the fires and heat of Hel, always burning a spot in your mind or your skin. You craved more, to see the open sky instead of storming clouds of thick smoke that perpetually covered Hel in charcoal waves. You yearned to see the stars and the moon and the heavens of Haven, with their buttery sunrises and dreamy dusks.

Your mother’s face is a long-forgotten memory, but the stories she told are not. Tales of animals and creatures so large, fit with razor-sharp teeth and glowing eyes stalking around The Void, monstrosities that not even the King of Hel could conjure.

Okay, you remind yourself, shaking the worry from your head. It’s time to make a move.

You’re sitting prey if you don’t. The feathers are a familiar comfort brushing your fingertips as you reach over your shoulder, sliding a singular arrow from the quiver with ease. The gold tipped point sings as it’s unsheathed from its home at your back and you notch it in the bowstring with controlled practice. It’s a motion that keeps your hands from shaking and soothes your breathing, a warrior at the ready, should any of the nightmare’s attack.

As you move, you realize that making your way through the darkness is no easy feat. Not a sound to guide your way nor a flicker of a torch to assess your surroundings. There is only darkness and silence and it beats at you with each tentative step you take. Slow progress is still progress, you try to remind yourself, but you can’t help but feel as if you’re talking in circles, the maze of shadows spinning your sense of direction, offering no reprieve.

Even the scents of Hel and Haven have faded, though you feel better about the former washing from your senses. If only the perfumed scent of Haven remained—you’d gladly follow the trail right up to the heavens, King of Hel be damned.

It had once been a dream to see Haven in all of its glory…before you realized that there was no escaping Hel, no escaping the King and his sinful grins and wicked games.

A sound forces her to still, limbs locking up before you force yourself to steady your stance and take aim, squinting through the black. Your pointed ears perk as you listen intently, not daring even a shallow breath. A soft noise sounds, like a cloth brushing across glass. It’s fleeting, morphing all too quickly into a screeching, grating noise that reverberates in your bones. Talons. They. Sound so similar to those of the King’s hounds giving chase down the long halls of his palace that there is no doubt in your mind the creature stalking you could shred you limb from limb.

The noise ricochets against the hard ground of The Void, echoing off of the nothingness that surrounds you. It makes your head spin, torso twisting to follow the movement as you search desperately. For the source.

Standing frozen, boy taut as you strain to glimpse any sign of where the lurking creature may be, a barely recognizable purr accompanies the grinding claws. With the darkness of The Void swallowing all movement, it feels as if the noises are consuming you, echoing in all directions and baffling your sense further.

Glowing, white eyes blink open, startling you. Your heart skips a beat in your chest as you jump, tightening your grip on your weapon and swinging it in the direction of the lurking beast, the tip of your arrow aimed right between those bright eyes.

You don’t dare more, though the smart thing to do would be to release the sharp-tipped arrow the beast’s way, but the creature doesn’t move. It blinks slowly, sleepily at you with its gleaming eyes, staring at you as if it’s curious instead of the horrifying nightmare the King and others had warned you about.

You curse silently as it stands. You’re pinned by those unnervingly bright. Eyes as it bounds closer. A reflection of what you’ve heard the moon looks like lies within its stare, though you don’t think the creature has seen the luminous beacon in the sky either. In the low light reflecting from its gaze, you catch sight of the sharp teeth as the nightmare licks its maw, and the pointed talons that clack against the stone ground as it closes in on you.

You could run. You can turn around and spring through the darkness for your life, pray to Haven that you don’t trip over a worse dark-dwelling beast, but with the deep ache in your bones you know that you won’t make it far fast enough.

The King of Hel hadn’t been lying when he taunted you with how terrifying these beasts could be.

You wonder for a fleeting moment if the ruler of Hel even expected you to make it out of The Void.

Heart racing in your chest, for the first time since you’ve mastered your bow, your fingers tremble around the taut string. You can let lose an arrow between its glowing hot eyes. There’s no falter in your aim, even with the miniscule shake. If you will it, your arrow will strike true.

The prowling beast halts only meters from you. Your heart pounds loudly in your chest and the beast must be able to hear it beating against your golden breastplate from the way that it cocks its head and blinks up at you. It nearly reaches your chest and you swallow harshly, knowing that one wrong move will have the beast snapping at you. You hardly breathe as lips curl away from blade-sharp teeth that glint in the glow of its blinding eyes.

There are only a handful of seconds to decide your next move—to bare your own teeth and show the creature what you’re made of, firing the gold-tipped arrow, or stand down and hope that the predator does the same.

One breath, two, and you watch the creature lower itself onto its haunches. Your hands fall to your side in relief. The arrow is a surety in your grasp as you slowly sheath it back in place at your back. A surety that if the beast attacks, you’d be even more of a fool than the King ever claimed.

Following your movements with bright eyes, the growling of the beast falters, then quiets. It straightens, sitting taller, more menacing, and nearly meets your gaze straight on. It stares at you until your empty hand is back at your side, bargain mark throbbing as it brushes against your cloak.

You’re just as confused as the creature across from you, staring at each other like two sides of the same coin. It’s like you know the beast, seen it in your dreams or heard tales about it from your mother, but your mind is muggy, and you can’t grasp where the familiar feeling is from. You see yourself in its eyes, lost in the darkness with no light to guide you out.

As if the creature understands this, it dips its chin to study you.

Its breath is balmy against your throat and it sends shivers up your spine. Your lip’s part to gasp at the same time the creatures open to taste your scent, deciding if you’re a threat or not. The heaving breaths against your skin tickle, but there’s nothing funny about the way the creature stills, as if the raging beast wants to slash through your delicate flesh, to feel your hot blood sticky beneath its paws.

“Help me,” you dare whisper. It’s spoken as quietly as your voice allows, but the sound carries into the void as if you screamed it.

A howl answers that makes you flinch and itch to press your palms against her ears. It hadn’t come from the beast before you, who snuffs in response, its full row of teeth reappearing as its eyes narrow, staying tightly locked on you.

“Help me,” you plead, desperation clinging to your words. You need to get out of here, need to breathe the night air and see the real moon and feel its silvery rays upon your skin just once, you need to find somewhere safe so you can begin working towards what you came here for, why the bargain mark burns with every movement. Your freedom. It’s all you want from the King, from Hel, to be able to roam as you please, leaving the underworld to find something greater.

You want to remember something other than the harrowing sights of Hel, than the King’s sharp smile mocking you every time you close your eyes. The things he’s made you do, the things you’ve made yourself do. This cannot be the end.

You won’t let it be.

“I’m trying to find Velaris,” you continue when another yip joins the first. A hunting party, likely moving this way. The sounds are closer this time, but the darkness doesn’t allow you to gauge just how far they roam or how many there are. Your gaze sweeps around as if the soft light emitting from the beast’s eyes will allow you to see the others. The blackness leers in response, no longer the sinister silence but instead filled with a terrifying array of noises that will only enhance the harrowing nightmares that plague you. “I need to find the city.”

Your fingers tighten around the handle of your bow but the action does nothing to ease the worry eating at you.

Maybe it’s the raw despair in your tone or the glistening look in your eyes or the thunderous beating of your heart that makes the beast take pity on you.

Blinking up at you, the creature slinks closer, damp snout pressing into your hand. You hold back the flinch at the coldness of it, and it gives you a gentle nudge as if to say, ‘Why didn’t you say so?’

Releasing a sigh of relief, the beast allows you to press your hand to the top of its furry head as it leads you towards further darkness. The creature’s mane is soft and thick between your uneasy hold, leaving you to wonder if this being isn’t a menacing creature bred to hunt within The Void, but one that had been just as scared as you.

The howls of creatures around them die down as you’re lead through black. You don’t know if you should be breathing easier or harder when the noises die out completely, leaving your breathing and the clacking of the beasts claws against the stony ground as the only sounds as you walk.

Blinking, you are convinced your mind is playing tricks on you at first, as you begin making out different shapes. Black turns to a deep navy, then lighter until you can see silhouettes of trees and mountains beyond. The hard stone turns to soft earth laden with thick grasses reaching nearly to your knees.

The air is sharp, crisp with the oncoming scent of a storm. Your head snaps towards the sky, searching for a star, the moon, anything you can to ensure you’ve ended up in the correct place, but thick, rumbling clouds cover every inch of the star-smattered sky.

Disappointment floods your veins with ice. You’d been wishing to see for yourself since you were a child and your mother had spoken so highly of the bright splotch in the sky, and it has gnawed at you as you grew into the female you are now, proud and strong.

With a disheartened sigh, you turn to face the creature who’d been leading you through the darkness, only to find it gone. You hadn’t felt the beast slip from your grasp, entranced on the opportunity to see the beautiful night sky. It had disappeared on those stealthy paws, dipping from your hold and back into the swallowing darkness of The Void.

It looms behind you, an open, cavernous mouth that seems to creep slowly, consuming the trees and stars and sky. You wonder if it had somehow consumed the moon, if The Void is a living being all its own—a trap waiting patiently to devour what wanders into its well laid snare.

A shudder works its way up your spine as you stare. You know well that you will be back, when it is time to return to Hel with the King’s prize, and then and only then, will you have your freedom.

The word burns your skin just thinking about it. A time where you will be able to roam freely from the nightmares of Hel, doing as you please without the King there to loom and rule over you. The taste of the salty night breeze is only a tease of what you will soon have.

[acotarxreader]

The Stray and The Snakes

Cassian x Reader

Synopsis: Your adjustment to the Night Court after meeting your Mate is made all the more difficult due to the unwelcoming nature of two particular sisters.

Orignal request: "Okay, so I have a request. Reader is mates with Cassian, and Nesta is like jealous or something. Nesta and Elain are horrible to the reader, like always putting her down. Reader tries not to let it bother her, and no one really notices until it finally does get to them and the inner circle does notice."

Warnings: Fluff, Nesta and Elain being meanies

A/N: Hehe my first Cassian request. This was a lot of fun to write, I hope people will forgive the Inner Circle for their blindness, Nesta and Elain are a real piece of work in this.

Let me know what you think!

p.s thank you for the love on Other Worlds, over a thousand of you have interacted with it, can't believe it!

---------------------------------------------------

“It’s beautiful YN” 

“Do you think?” your hands traced down the front of the snowy dress, your head tilting to the side as you watched your own movement in the mirror. Feyre sat behind you on a blush-coloured pouffe, sweetly smiling in the reflection. 

“Do you think Cass will like it?” “Who cares what that big baby would like, do you like it YN?” your head tilted to the otherside before you span to face your fast-friend.

“I want him to like it” you admitted softly, Feyre unable to keep the roll away from her eyes as she stood, pulling your hands in hers. 

“You could walk into Starfall in a paper bag and your mate would love you in it. So, I’ll ask you again, do you like it?” a smile grew across your face to match Feyres as you nodded. 

“Great! Let’s wrap it up and head to the House of Wind” 

The both of you strolled across the city you had learned to call home, a far cry from the outskirts of the Autumn Court where you were born and raised. It had been six months since Cassian had rocketed into your world and changed it forever, meeting you while you worked as a cook in a grand house. The preparations for Starfall had sent the city into an excited frenzy and you couldn’t wait to experience it for the first time with your new family. 

“Feyre! There you are” Nesta’s voice sang out of her in excitement but it felt as though the tone was a snake heading for your feet. She looped her arm through her sister’s as the both of you entered into the House of Wind, pulling her away from your side, to walk ahead of you. 

“Where were you sister, Elain and I are just getting ready upstairs”

“I was helping YN find something to wear for tonight for her to feel beautiful-” “-as if you could find anything that would help that” she laughed out, the snake climbed its way around you further. Feyre rolled her eyes with a small laugh, brushing off her sister's words as you fought your faltering smile.

“She found a lovely dress, didn’t you YN?” She called back to you as the three of you entered the main living area of the house.

“Ye-” “-Feyre! How could I forget to tell you, I found the perfect shoes for tonight, come on I’ll show” you huffed out slightly, familiar with Nesta cutting across you. Nesta spun on her heels to face you, causing you to almost walk directly into her with the abrupt stop of movement.

“Something the matter YN?” she almost bit out, the snake of words wrapping around your throat. Feyre had crossed the floor towards her own mate who beamed at her.

”N-no Nesta” 

“I didn’t think so, go make yourself useful, go help the other staff, back to your true calling” whispering at the end so only you could hear. 

“I-” “-My love, there you are!” Cassian's voice pulled the imaginary snake from around your airways, returning lightness to your chest as he met your side, his arm wrapping around from behind. Nesta’s face softened and a smile you knew to be laced with simmering irritation crossed her face.

“You're so kind YN for offering” Your eyes snapped from your shoes back to Nesta.

“Offering what?” Cassian kissed your cheek gently, his hand moving from your waist to lace with your fingers.

“Well, your lovely stray has offered to help with the setup of dining room! Right YN?” Her sickly sweet words turned in your stomach as Elain joined her side to collect her sisters and return to getting ready for the party.

“Oh, really YN you don't have to”

“I-”

“Cass, let her help, she probably craves the familiarity of a dirty apron” Poison-coated words dripped from Elain but shielded behind a smile. You looked to your mate standing behind you, his genuine well-meaning grin warming you despite the cold environment Nesta and Elains’ presence had swaddled you in. You were finding settling in around the two sisters especially difficult, your arrival had halted the friends-with-benefits situation between Cassian and Nesta and this had led to some deep-rooted resentment from the latter. Elain joining the cause in some sort of sick solidarity with her sister. 

That had decided your plans, afraid to contradict Nesta, with the mentality of service in the Autumn Court of being seen and not heard, very difficult to unravel yourself from. 

-

By the time you had finished setting up, the inner circle had finished readying themselves. You met Cassian on the stairs as you rushed to get yourself ready.

“My love, are you alright?” His hands cupped around your face as his lips pecked your forehead with the utmost of tenderness.

“Yes Cass, just finished with the table, you look so handsome” You held his wrists as his thumbs brushed across your cheeks. 

“Thank you! I can't wait to see your dress…and see it again on our bedroom floor later” he laughed as you rolled your eyes at him. He kissed your forehead again before releasing your face with softness, his brothers appearing on the landing behind him, guests beginning to arrive. You marvelled at the three Illyrians before rushing yourself up the stairs to change. 

By the time you had built up the courage to leave your bedroom, the party was in full swing. Fae seemed to flow from every corner of the bustling House as you found Feyre glowing alongside her mate on the outskirts of the courtyard where the festivities were bursting to life. 

“YN, you look dazzling”

“Thank you High Lord” You did a small curtsey and Feyre elbowed Rhysand cutting off his building laugh. 

“YN how many times have I to tell you, please call me Rhys” he offered you his hand to help you rise from your curtsey as your cheeks flushed.

“She can't help that she's built to serve” The two mates laughed at Nesta's joking tone from behind you, its undertone of sincerity not lost on you. 

“Nesta you lo-look lovely” you offered like so many white flags you had beforehand. 

“And you look clean for once”

“Nesta” Feyre laughed out a half warning, carrying no weight. The group had chosen to believe that Nesta's relentless snipping at you was more like she was hazing you instead of its true goal to wear you down. 

“I-I must find Cass, the migration starts soon” You bowed your head slightly to the three, out of sheer habit, gaining a snide laugh to leave the eldest Archeron sister. 

“Oh he went down the side corridor” Elain offered with a smile that didn't meet her eyes as she joined her sister's side. You gave a somewhat thankful smile and began to make your way in the direction she sent you. You felt suddenly pairs of hands collide with your side, pushing you with harsh force into a service pantry of the hallway, the door closing behind you.

Your hip met the tile floor of the cupboard with force, your arms instinctively going outwards to the shelves lining the walls, sending various cooking powders and syrups down on top of you. You gave a small shriek in pain and shock as the sound of two laughing females on the other side of the door spat venom in your ears. 

“Hey! Hey you guys let-let me out!” You pushed shakingly from the floor, palms splaying against the solid wood of the locked door. The laughing grew distant until dissolving completely and you found yourself sitting back down on the cold, food-covered floor. You fought back tears as you tried to swipe the savoury and sweet additions to your dress from the fabric, the dark of the room holding you close. 

“YNN!” You heard your mate's voice call out through the hall, giving you the strength to call back, trying to keep the shake from your voice. 

“YNN! What the fuck?!” The light flooded the small space, Cassian's eyes landing on his beautiful mate, sat in a ball at his feet. He dropped down to his knees, beginning to sweep away the floury coating.

“I-I-” The thoughts of the truth ran around your mind, would he even believe you if you told him? Did you want to risk finding out if he'd choose them over you? Or what if he did believe you and it ruined the family dynamic you knew he had spent his whole life craving? “-I…was looking for the bathroom” you offered as he stood, pulling you back up to your feet. 

“The bathroom?” He raised an eyebrow at your obvious lie, a faux smile painting across your face. You looked down at your destroyed dress, the tears once again threatening to add to the scene. 

“You-you look beautiful YNN” his eyes traced the stained fabric, a thumb brushing over the last remaining flecks of flour on your face. 

“I'm covered in food Cass” Your genuine smile returned.

“Just makes you even more delicious” he kissed wholly then, the taste of him took any bitterness from you. 

“C’mon, let's get you changed” he separated from you, his hand slotting into yours as you both traipsed back up the hallway. 

To get to your chambers, the main foyer had to first be transversed, the inner circle gathering there before going out to enjoy the spectacle in the sky together. You stepped slightly behind Cassian as you walked closer to the stairway, hoping to be able to sneak past the group.

“Ah Ah, you guys! We all promised we would watch this Starfall together, you can have sex after!” Mor laughed from behind you, your feet having only spent a moment on the bottom step. You reluctantly turned back to face the full group, Cassian instinctively standing to shield you from their eyes.

“YN and I will just be a moment”

“Yeah, I heard that's all you can last” Azriel laughed, the group following suit as Cassian shot his brother a playful death stare. Nesta sauntered over to the two of you, her hand landing gently on Cassian's shoulder, pushing him to the side, revealing the full picture of your ruined look.

“YN, what happened!?” Feyre looked you over, a bruise beginning to grow across your elbow.

“I-”

“It's obvious our little YN couldn't help but get involved in the kitchen” Nesta remarked, turning back on her heels, happy to watch the gawking take place. 

“I think it improves her outfit”

“Definitely Elain, anything would improve that tarp she's wearing” the two snickered, the group unsure of the sharp tones of the two sisters, too shocked at the brashness of the females. 

“That's not very kind of you two” Cassian felt himself bite out, the maroon now painting across your face as Cassian's hand held yours tighter.

“Oh Cass please, how could we ever match your level of charity, taking in such a lost cause” the group's heads snapped to the uncharacteristic bitterness dripping from Elain.

“I mean honestly Cassian, when are you going to wake up and realise she's never going to fit in here!” Nesta's sharp words gave life to the internal doubt you fought daily and you couldn't hold it back anymore, your tears flowed freely, having spent months being kept just below the surface. You dropped your mate's hand, catching the end of your long ruined gown and darting up the stairs in awash of pure heartbreak. You heard the beginning of Feyre and Rhysand reprimanding the sisters, with Mor and Azriel joining in, the agile footsteps of your mate echoing behind you. 

You crashed into your shared bedroom, wrenching the hair clips from your hair before running your hands across your tear-soaked cheeks. You had practically prised the stained fabric from your skin as your mate's knuckles rapped against the door. 

“YN let me in” You ignored his desperate tones, choosing to clothe yourself in trousers and a loose top before beginning to collect your things from around the room. The sound of Cassian's hammering had stopped along with his calling. You exhaled deeply before continuing to pack up your space. 

“YN!” You screamed with fright at the sight of Cassian closing the distance between you both, having landed on your balcony. He pulled the bundle of clothing you had grasped in your hands, tossing them aside before gripping your upper arms with a gentle firmness. 

“My love, please please stop”

“You heard them! I don't belong here, they're only saying what you're all too cowardly to admit!” You managed between falling tears, Cassian's heart beginning to shatter in his eyes at the sight. 

“YNN, you know it's biologically impossible for an Illyrian to be a coward” You felt a slight laugh leave you at his joking tone. His hands moved from your arms to wrap around you, pulling you flush with his chest where you could clearly hear his trembling heart beneath his midnight blue suit. 

“No one thinks what they said is true my love, they must have eaten something poisonous or something” You pulled back to look at your mate in his hazel eyes, it was clear to you from his words that he had not been aware of their historical treatment of you. 

“Cass-Cass they always say stuff like that” you managed to rattle out. You could see the rose-tinted glasses shattered in front of his eyes beneath his furrowed brow, reevaluating every interaction he'd seen between you and them before tonight.

“Gods…” he released you from his arms, standing back to run his hands down his face in disbelief at his blindness. 

“YN, I am sorry, I'm so so sorry for not seeing before, what kind of mate am I for being so fucking blind” You step back towards him, relief rushing through you that he had believed you. 

“One who believes the best in people” your hand ran down his cheek.

“I never thought I'd miss something like that”

“It's okay Cass, I'm sure you never thought they could be like that”

“No, it's not okay, it's not okay at all” his eyes darting across your face, the true reality he'd not been privy to before making him feel instantly ill.

“Cass, I love you, it's okay”

“It's not okay YN!” His raised voice surprised you slightly as he moved towards the bedroom door again.

“Cass, where are you going?”

“To defend you, I'm just sorry I didn't do it earlier, they will be sorry for this” His unfamiliar coldness stunned you almost as much as the sudden sparkling out of the corner of your eye. You looked to see the migration decorate the sky with a level of beauty you had never seen before. 

“Cass…please stay with me for this, I want to experience this with you” You manage to tear your gaze away from the view to land back on Cassian as he seemingly reluctantly removed his hand from the doorknob.

“Of course” he said with an almost sad smile, reaching for your hand to bring you to the balcony. You both looked up in comfortable silence at the glimmering skyscape, a genuine smile growing on your face. Cassian couldn't help but look down at you with pure unadulterated love, his annoyance that he didn't see the torment you had been under sooner. 

“You’re my everything, my love” 

“And you're mine” You leaned into his side.

“If there's anything left of those two downstairs by the time Feyre is done, I promise I'll make them understand their grave error in hurting you” 

“I don't expect much to be left” you laughed, the sound releasing pressure from Cassian's chest. You both stood on the balcony marveling at the glorious sight above you, unable to image being anywhere else with anyone else.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Whatcha think?

[pit-and-the-pen]

69 and 98 of the prompt list for Azriel 🙇 you just write him so well, no worries if not!! 🧡🧡

This was not supposed to be this long but I was listening to sleep token while writing this, I was also already planning out a fic that these prompts fit into perfectly.

warnings: Smut (18+), oral (M/F receiving), Bondage, knife mention (only to cut rope), mid-sized reader (could be read as plus sized too), unprotected sex, praise, degradation.

WC: 4.7k

You were just putting the back of your earring in when you met hazel eyes in the mirror. A smile danced its way across your face when you saw the way his eyes were trailing ever so slowly down your figure, lingering on your waist. Or more so the way the dress you were currently wearing was cutting into it, accentuating your already plush thighs. 

“So pretty.” He whispered into the air as he walked closer to you. His hand gently swiped your hair to one side of your hair and he placed a kiss on your bare shoulder. 

“My pretty girl.” The reverence in his tone made you giggle. His teeth gave you a soft nip at the sound. “I mean it. All of this for me? Gods, how’d I get so lucky?” He speaks into your skin. You shift under his praise, his breath on your shoulder making a small shutter ripple through you. 

“I wonder what you would do if you saw what was underneath?” Another laugh bubbled out as his eyes snapped to yours. His hands were already snaking along your waist, twisting to find the hem of your dress. He let out a downright sinful moan when he was greeted with the baby pink thong you were wearing. Cut high on your hips, elastic ever so slightly pushing in the flesh. The matching garter belt sitting above it, hugging your thighs like it was his hands wrapped around them. He ran his hands softly over the globes of your ass, squeezing in the perfect way. You found yourself arching back into his touch, leaning into him. His hands fanned out to your thighs, just resting his hands on the widest part. His eyes met yours in the mirror and he tugged you further against him. You didn’t miss the way his eyes dipped lower for a fraction of a second as your chest bobbed ever so slightly at the action. Your hand went to rest lightly on the mirror for balance and you were just about to reach back for him when Azriel cleared his throat. 

“Just for me right?” Azriel said as he flipped the edge of your dress back down. You turned around in his grasp and grabbed his hand. 

“Of course.” You raised onto your tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek. “Only for you.” He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you flush to him. You could feel every inch of his muscled body against yours and had to bite back a groan when you felt his arousal already straining against his dress pants. You bit your lip and he pushed a leg between yours. He pulled your lips towards his hungrily, hands instantly twining into your hair. The kiss was all teeth and tongue. Both of your chests are heaving. When your hand started to drift down to his belt, he grabbed your wrist to stop it’s descent. The action caused a whimper to leave your mouth that he just swallowed down. He pulled his lips away from yours, leaning his forehead against yours. You sucked down greedy lungfuls of air as you willed your heart rate to calm. 

“If your hand goes any lower, we’re not making it to this dinner.” He rasps. Your gaze lifts to his, eyes wide and innocent as you trail your hand lower once again. Your fingers just barely brush past the straining fabric before your hand is pinned against your side. 

“Oh sweetheart.” He tisked. His eyes darkened slightly as they swept over you. “You seemed to think that was a request.” His thumb started to rub small circles over your wrist that was straining against his hold. “You’re lucky this dinner is important to Rhys or else you would not be able to walk in the morning.”

“Do you really think you could do that?” You were only causing more problems for yourself at this point but you were desperately hoping he would just break and give you what you wanted right now. As soon as the words left your mouth, your back was pressed against the wall, a scarred hand wrapped tightly around your throat. Not enough to cut off the blood flow but just enough for you to feel the weight of it there. An invitation for you to keep running your mouth. 

“Do you wanna repeat that, princess?” Fuck it.

“I don’ think you could fuck me hard enough for me to not be able to walk. That’s all.” You smiled as his fingers twitched slightly. HIs shoulders moved up as he sucked in a deep breath. 

“We’ll see about that won’t we.” His hand left your neck and trailed up your jaw. You gasped as his hand pinned your head back to the wall by the roots of your hair. His hold forces you to look him in the eyes. “I’m going to give you one last chance to say sorry, bunny.” You opened your mouth slightly before closing it. Making it look like you were really considering your words. 

The smile didn’t leave your face as you uttered out a sickly sweet. “Make me.” His hands only gripped your hair tighter, making tears prickle in the corner of your eyes. 

“You could have been my good girl tonight.” His hand let your hair and he backed up a few paces. “But if that’s how you want to be. Fine.” He reached down to adjust himself. “‘Finish getting ready, we’re leaving in ten minutes.” Your lips parted to argue, but he only reached out a hand to shut your mouth. “This is not a discussion. I’ll be downstairs and don’t even think of touching yourself.” He pulled his touch away and you felt cold despite the fire roaring through your veins. That was all he said before he walked out of the bedroom. Leaving you to wonder what exactly you had gotten yourself into.

You were all but running down the stairs to reach the bottom before your time was up. 

“That was fifteen.” His voice was cold, a smirk plastered onto his face. Shadows wrapped around your waist the moment your feet were on flat ground again. “You’re only making this worse for yourself. But what did I expect?” It sounded like he was talking to himself and you felt your cheeks heat up as he talked about you like you weren’t standing right in front of him. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Oh, not as much as you will be later. Come on.” He reached out a hand for you to take. You didn’t hesitate to thread your fingers through his. He pulled you close to his side as he winnowed you outside of the restaurant Feyre had been raving about for the last year and a half. 

His arm was slung casually over yours, fingers dancing along the skin he had bitten earlier. He didn’t leave a mark but you swore you could still feel his teeth. You shifted your weight and he gave a small laugh. “Behave.” Was the only reminder you were given before you walked into the restaurant. 

Your friends were already waiting for you. Five pairs of eyes flickering up to greet you. Feyre rose to her feet to give you a crushing hug when Azriel sent the first image down the bond. It was from last week, you on your knees. His head was thrown back as he gritted out your name, the moment right before he spilled down your thro- and then it was gone. You pulled away from Feyre and ignored the confused look she gave you. The others all gave their greeting before Azriel was pulling out your chair for you, hands not leaving the back until you were seated. He gave you a quick peck on the crown of your head before he took his own seat. His stance was a little wider than normal, one hand already resting on your knee. Tracing absentminded circles onto your overheated skin. His thumb lightly scratched behind his touch. The waiter brought out a few bottles of wine and you didn’t hesitate to pour yourself a slightly-too-large glass. You took a few heavy gulps before you put the glass down. A gentle wave came from the other side of the bond, soothing in a way that had you squirming despite yourself. Gentle like a hunter stalking their prey. The conversation flowed between all of you. Catching up since you all saw a lot less of each other these days. While Feyre was talking about how Nyx was doing in school, you tried not to notice the way that she was only drinking water. No one else seemed to clock it either. You’d have to pry later in the night. But just as soon as the thought crossed your mind, Azriel sent you another image. He had your legs pressed together, slung over one of his shoulders. Gripping so hard that your hips were leaving the mattress altogether. Soft cries of his name were pulled from your bruised lips over and over again. Azriel’s pleasure rose with every lethal snap of his hips. Rising rising until he- . Gone again. Your head snapped in his direction, eyes wide at the image he had sent you.You couldn’t stop the slight pout that rested on your face. 

Dinner passed by slowly. Between Azriel’s hands slowly creeping higher on your thigh and the debauched thoughts he was sending down the bond, you were already a wreck. Your thighs hurt with how tightly they were squeezed shut. Your mate's heavy hand trying to sooth away some of the tension. Azriel sent you a warm feeling down the bond that had you relaxing ever so slightly. Nothing but pure love. The glow that he felt while watching you take all of this without so much of a blush on your cheeks. Pure male pride. 

After the main course, you were damn near in his lap. Chair scooted slightly in his direction, legs pressed against each other. Cries of dessert were being thrown around and you felt like you were going to cry with frustration before you heard Azriel laughing, shaking his head slightly. 

“She wasn’t feeling too good earlier but she didn’t want to miss this. But I can tell she’s getting tired. We should probably go home, shouldn’t we be my love?” He lied seamlessly. His fingers drumming a beat on your thigh. You nodded along, clearing your throat before you spoke. 

“Yeah. I’ve had this weird stomach ache all day. But I was just so excited to see you all.”

“Oh, that’s perfectly fine. Feyre fully understands upset stomach as of late.” Rhys answered and he grunted as Feyre’s elbow found a soft spot between his ribs. Feyre rolled her eyes before she shot you a wink, holding up her glass of ice water like she had known you were eyeing it earlier. A silent confirmation that had another round of chatter starting. Eventually, you and Azriel were able to shake off all the goodbyes. Hugs and kisses on cheeks and promises of getting together sooner rather than later were exchanged. 

Azriel placed a hand on the small of your back as you weaved your way out of the now crowded restaurant. His hand didn't move until he pulled you in his arms to winnow you two home. 

The front door of your apartment was in view and Azriel only gestured to you to open the door. Timidly you fished out your key from the small clutch you were carrying and opened the door to your home. Fae lights flickering on as you step in. YOu could feel Azriel’s presence behind you. Could feel his shadows slinking across the ground, muffling your footsteps. Could feel the way his wings had flared out ever so slightly, becoming even more intimidating and impressive. Both of your wants seemed to charge the air with a delicious electric tension. This was one of your favorite parts of the night. To see who would crack first. You paused by the front door only enough to kick off your heels before you continued up the stairs to your bedroom. Azriel was close behind you. Not close enough that he was touching you but close enough for you to feel his body heat. He might as well have been touching every inch of you for how much you could sense his presence. 

The fae lights flickered on in your room and you turned around to face your mate. He paused, eyes full of a predatory hunger. That look was almost enough to send you to your knees right then and there but you didn’t move a muscle before he told you too. You were already in enough trouble. So you stood stock still as he closed the distance between the two of you. HIs hand trailed from the edge of your jaw to the dip of your waist, feather light touches that had you leaning into his touch. He lightly grabbed your wrist and with a tug turned you around to face the other wall. His hand traveled all the way up your arm, over your shoulder and to the nape of your neck to start sliding down the zipper of your dress. The straps fell down as the fabric was pulled apart. You didn’t try to grab it as you shrugged them off, letting the fabric pool at your bare feet. The action left you clad in only the tiny thong and the matching lace bra. You were already shaking in anticipation. A gentle vibration that swept over your whole body. He held out a hand for you to take, and guided you to step out of your dress. Once you had, he dropped your hand. Touch hovering over your skin, drawing goosebumps like it might allow his skin to make contact with yours. A small step backwards towards him brought his hand up on the small of your back to stop your movement. His free hand twisted your hair into his fist. He pulled your head back to look up at the ceiling. 

“Now, what should I do with you?” His lips ghosted over your neck. YOu let out a pathetic whimper, craving his touch more and more every second. 

“Az..” You started but a harsh yank on your hair pulled a yelp out of you instead. 

“You don’t get to speak. Not unless I tell you to.” He whispered against the shell of your ear. “Not a single sound. Since I apparently can’t fuck you hard enough. It shouldn’t be a problem to keep quiet.” It wasn’t a question, merely him musing. So you kept your eyes on the ceiling. Not moving a muscle. 

You felt the absence of his presence but didn’t take your eyes off the ceiling, squirming with anticipation. His shadows were lightly trailing over your skin, you bit your lip to keep your moans at bay. The soft thud that filled the room let you know he had pulled something out the drawer of your nightstand. Your head slowly lowered and you were greeted with the sight of Azriel stalking towards you, a bundle of rope in his hands. He queried an eyebrow up, a silent question. You nodded. You could feel the way your chest was rapidly rising and falling, the slight shake in your knees as you thought of what was to come. His nostrils flared slightly as you sent your want down the bond. He made a content noise in the back of his throat before he walked behind you. 

With nibble fingers, he wrapped the rope around your shoulders first, forcing your shoulders back ever so slightly. You felt the way your it pushed your chest up. He slipped a finger between the rope and skin to make sure it wasn’t too tight as he tied off the first knot. He then grabbed your wrists and placed them right at the small of your back and looped the rope around them three times. He took his time with the process. Relishing in the calming actions of tying you up like his own personal present. He tied off the last knot and gave your arms a slight tug. 

“How is that? You can speak.” He whispered into your neck, trailing kisses where your neck met your shoulders. YOu gave a strong yank on your ties, testing them. As usual, they were flawless. Not giving an inch. Not too tight but just enough to bite into your skin. Azriel was always good about that. You never worried about if it would hurt you or not. 

“Perfect.” You said when you were confident they weren’t going anywhere. Your words were rewarded with a mean swipe of his tongue over your neck, followed by a sharp bite. You mewled at the touch and he only bit harder. 

“Already making such pretty sounds. But I told you to be quiet sweetheart.” He rumbled against your skin. You nodded, acknowledging his words. 

He hooked his hand into the middle of the harness he tied and lead you over to the bed. With a gentle possession, he guided you down until your chest was pressed against the mattress. Ass up in the air at his disposal. His leg nudged between your thighs, parting them widely for him. A small gasp left your lips at the feeling of the cold air on your soaked folds. You could already feel your arousal coating your thighs. 

“Gods, look at how wet my pretty girl is.” He pressed up against you, hands kneading at your hips. Then his touch was gone and you wiggled your hips slightly at the loss of contact. That was when you felt his hands gripping your ass, and a delicious swipe of his tongue up your glistening folds. You buried your face in the mattress to stop the moans that were building in your throat. Fingers flexing around the ties keeping your arms pinned to your back. He wasted no time, no warm up as he dove in. Tongue entering your hole causing you to clench down at the pressure. Too much and not enough all at once. Your hips tilted ever so slightly and his hand twisted to your front to hold your hips still. You hoped he couldn’t make out the string of curses that left your lips when that hand drifted down lower and started swirling tight, fast circles on your clit. Your hips moved in time with his fingers. Rocking like those fingers were controlling. Between his skill fingers and his tongue lavishing between his legs, you were so close to your orgasm. You were about to open your mouth to let him know before you felt him pull away from you. Before you could even protest, he grabbed your arms and flipped you onto your back. The air left your lungs with a tiny grunt as you took in him hovering over you, arms caged above your head. 

He trailed a finger down from your cheek all the way to your stomach, tracing over your arms, your shoulder, collar bone until he reached the apex of your thighs. 

“Eyes on me.” He growled as he sunk two thick fingers inside your fluttering hole. You tasted blood as your teeth dug into the side of your cheek, desperate to scream his name. Youpulled at your binds. Wanting to reach out and touch the membrane on his wings. Anything that would break the calm, controlled male in front of you. As much as you loved his fingers you wanted him inside you. You let your eyes close and he growled. He curled his fingers against the spot that had your eyes snapping open and a high pitch version of his name pushed through your locked lips. He didn’t acknowledge it, just sped up his fingers. The sounds of the digits sinking into you over and again filled the room. No sounds of your cries to drown them out. The sound alone could have made you cum. Proof of how much he affected you. Your legs were moving, clenching together as you tried to fight off your inevitable orgasm until he gave you the word. He shook his head lightly, before pushing his elbow in between your legs, then sliding onto his stomach. His shoulders crushed any hope of you closing your legs, so you let them splay out to the side. No longer caring if you had permission to cum. He didn’t slow down his fingers and you started to shake ever so slightly. Small jerks in time with his fingers as you were tipping over the edge. Head thrown back. And then his fingers were gone. A cry of protest left your mouth and you tilted your head back down to see him. A shit eating grin plastered across his face. He ignored the look of outrage and stood up, his figure looming over you. 

“You look so beautiful tied up like that.” Azriel ran two fingers down from the top of your hand all the way to your collarbone. A deep shudder ran through your whole body, goosebumps erupting below his feather light touch. 

“Az, please. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Please let me come, please.” Not caring that you weren’t supposed to be making any noise. The words spilled out of your mouth, pleading for that sweet release that he had ripped away from you again. 

“I know you are.” His hand trailed over your cheek, smearing your arousal in his wake. “But I don't care how sorry you are.” He flipped you over onto your stomach and hiked your hips into the air. Landing a smack over your ass for good measure. The yelp you let out morphed into a high pitched wail as he sunk into the hilt in one push. You close your eyes as you swore you could feel the way his cock pushed your walls apart. Hitting that special spot perfectly without trying. He gave you a single breath to adjust before one of his hands snuck up to gather your hair, the other keeping a tight grip on your hip. Your hands were still bound against your back so you could do nothing but lay there as he ground his hips into you. Working deep and fast strokes. You might have been screaming but you didn’t care. You could only think of how closer you were to coming all over his beautiful cock. Unable to find the words to let him know, you just tried to keep the feeling at bay. Panting a broken version of his name which each filthy thrust. The sound of your bodies hitting filled the room over your cries. His own groans and curses flowy freely from his mouth as he tugged you against his chest. 

“Not so big and bold when I’m fucking you dumb are you?” Each word was punctuated with a deep thrust. You shook your head. Hands trying to claw at the ties on your wrist. You could reach out and touch his stomach with how tightly  you were pulled against him. A single finger stroked at his abs and he was tugging your hair back harder, forcing you to look at the ceiling. “Gods you’re such a fucking brat. But mother above do I love it. I fucking love you so muh princess. You take my cock so well. Like you were made just for this.” He kept rambling. Words bubbling over his lips and you could do nothing but take and feel and scream his name. 

“Gonna…please. I need to cum.” You panted out, head slumping just slightly under his hold. He licked a long stripe up your neck before he let go of your hair, arm wrapping around your waist. You actually cried out as he pulled out. You bound hand clutching around the air, begging him to come back.

“No.No.. Please. I’m sorry. I’ll do anything. I just. Pretty please. I want to come so badly.” 

“Shh.” He whispered into your ear. “I’m gonna lay down and I want you to be a good girl and ride my face until you come. Can you do that?” The idea of not being able to cum around his pretty cock had you whimpering. You felt a shadow wrap around your shoulder, tempting you to move higher on the bed. 

“The only way you’re going to cum tonight sweetheart is on my tongue. So either I can shove my cock down your throat and you don’t get anything but my cum painting that wicked mouth. or you can put that pretty cunt on my face and finally get what you want so badly.” You whined again at his words. Whined at the way they sent another wave of pure want through you. 

“But what if-”

“You won’t. And even if you did, which again you won’t, I couldn’t think of a better way to go then with my tongue buried inside of you.” He was already leaning back against the headboard, waiting for you to make your move. You saw how hard he was and thought maybe having your mouth wrapped around him wasn’t so bad. The thought must have been plastered across your face because he flexed his hips and you didn’t hesitate before you bent over his lap. It was hard without the use of your hands but once he figured out what you were going for, he took your hair in his hand and helped guide you to his throbbing length. 

“Such a cock slut that you couldn’t say no to it could you.” He teased and you could only shake your head as meat as you could. Already touching his stomach with the tip of your nose. The stretch in your throat burned just a little. Tears twinging the corners of your eyes. But you absorbed the feeling. He was warm and heavy against your tongue. The skin so pretty and smooth. You could feel the way he was already twitching in your mouth. 

“So good. Doing so well for me baby. My fucking good girl.” His teeth were clenched tightly. Barley gritting out the words as he started to thrust his hips in time with your mouth. You moan around his length and you pull you off of him. He yanked you up by your hair until your lips were pressed against his. His tongue pushed into your mouth so possessively that you melted against him. 

“Fuck it.” He twisted you so you were straddling him. His hand reached out towards the nightstand and grabbed a small dagger that you kept by whenever the rope was out. The blade cut through the ties like butter and your hands were instantly on his shoulders. He reached down a hand and helped you guide him into you and you both were moaning as you sunk down all the way. A few timid pulls up and down had his head thrown back, moans and groans sliding through his plush lips. You leaned down and started sucking bruises on his neck at the same time your hips increased in pace. You rode him only searching for your pleasure. Pressing up against your g-spot again and again until you were seeing stars. 

“I can feel you squeezing around me. Cum for me, pretty girl.” And that was all you needed to explode around him. His hand on your hip rolled your hips as your orgasm left you twitching above him. He wasn’t far behind you and a few more strokes was all it took for him to spill himself inside of you. Burying himself deep against your cervix as he grip your hip hard enough to bruise. He rolled you both over and pulled you tight against his chest. His hand massaging the tender flesh on your wrists, slowly bringing the muscles back to life. Rubbing the stiffness out of your shoulders. You melted further into him. 

“I am sorry. For all that I said.” You whispered against his chest. 

“No you aren’t.” He joked, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “And I love you for it.”

“I love you too.” You said as you connected your lips to his and relished in the afterglow.

Tagging the mutuals: @sarawritestories @milswrites @ninthcircleofprythian @daycourtofficial @nocasdatsgay

[rae2velaris]

Death and the Lovely Fawn

Elriel Stain Glass

"Elain looked up at Azriel, their eyes meeting, his hand still lingering on the hilt of the blade. I saw the painting in my mind: the lovely fawn, blooming spring vibrant behind her. Standing before Death, shadows and terrors lurking over his shoulder. Light and dark, the space between their bodies a blend of the two. The only bridge of connection … that knife."

I'm absolutely loving the process of making these Elriel stain glass pieces. 🥰❤️

Art by me Rae2Velaris

What Elriel scene should I make next?

[lalacliffthorne]

🤍 just a one time thing 🤍

modern!Cassian x Reader

summary: add together best friends and a drunk slip up and you got a massive load of chaotic feelings.

part I

notes: well - so much for next week? life just - majorly got in the way. anyway.

fuuuuuuck I can't. 😭💞 this has been long overdue, bc honestly - Cassian just has my whole fucking heart, and this modern version reduces me to a pile of giggling, feet-kicking mush. I've had this idea for a while now, along with some impeccable inspiration - and it's finally coming together. this one's got smut (duh), flirting and friendship (and a whole lot of f-bombs on Cassian's side) -- and, which seems to be business at usual for me at this point - it got insanely long. in fact, it got so long that I had to scratch posting it in one part, cause I think that would have brought tumblr down, like - really. *winces* so, this is part one, somewhere around 20k words (oh boy) -- you know the drill; get cozy, get comfortable, you're gonna be here for a while.

______________________________________________________________

The library was my favorite place on campus.

Even though it was way too small for so many students and had way too little workspace, which meant it was chronically stuffed with people, there was just something calming about the absolute silence you entered once you walked through the front doors. And I had quickly realised that if you slipped into one of the lesser frequented sections, moving through the aisles all the way to the back where the tilted roof was glass and everything was completely quiet, you could actually pretend you were alone, just surrounded by hundreds and hundred of books, not another soul around.

Which meant it usually was the perfect place for any sort of breakdown.

Usually.

♡

“You okay there?”

The deep, amused voice made me jump slightly; quickly, I pulled the book from my face and dipped my head back, craning my neck – and felt my breath catch.

Oh.

A guy was standing a few feet away, his brows crunched together and eyes narrowed, but the corner of his lips twitched.

At least it looked that way from upside-down.

I blinked. Then I sent him a slow, sheepish smile from my position down on the carpeted floor, sprawled out on my back, head tipped back and neck craned to look up at him.

“Hi.”

The guy stared down at me, and slowly, his lips curved upwards.

My heart missed a beat, and my breath hitched.

Oh.

“Hi.” His voice sent a tingle over my skin, deep and warm. Creases dug into his cheeks as he grinned down at me.

Creases.

Crap.

Clearing my throat, I crunched my nose, smiling innocently up at him. “Can I – help you?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?” The dude narrowed his eyes, but his lips twitched like he was trying not to smirk as he leaned his shoulder against one of the shelves. His voice rumbled through me, low because of our surroundings, sending tingles down my spine.

Using my book to scratch my chin, I squinted up at him. “Why?”

The dude’s eyes narrowed further, a slow grin spreading over his face.

Creases.

“Cause you’re laying starfish-style on the floor with a book on your face.” He raised his brows, eyes twinkling. “I don’t know ‘bout you, but to me, that kinda sounds like a breakdown.”

I blinked. Then I laborously pushed myself up into a sitting position, grumbling “Judgy much.” under my breath. Somehow, the guy still picked up on it, because he chuckled, the deep sound travelling, and my breath hitched. My eyes darted up, and for the first time, I really looked at him.

My heart got stuck in my throat, and I almost felt myself shrink a little.

Well, shit.

Of course he was gorgeous.

Dark eyes that tracked over my face in amusement, even darker hair, the top half pulled back haphazardly into a bun. His grin caused dimples to appear in his cheeks, there was a faded scar on the side of his face shifting with his smirk, and his jaw looked like it could cut through paper.

And then there were the tattoos.

All in black, they were scattered all over his muscled arms, down to the backs of his veined hands and disappearing into the sleeves of his t-shirt, peaking out above the collar. His shoulders were straining against the material even though it was hanging loosely on his wide frame, muscles working under the fabric when he shifted lightly in the spot, crossing his arms over his chest. I tried not to stare as his biceps tensed and relaxed again.

God, there probably wasn’t an inch on the guy’s body that didn’t carry muscles. Even with his loose joggers it was clear that he never skipped leg day, his biceps were the size of my head, and his chest and shoulders were broad enough I felt my throat go dry.

I blinked, and the guy’s shit-eating grin grew.

Ah, crap.

Clearing my throat, I quickly raised my brows.

“So, can I – help you?”

“I don’t know.” The guy narrowed his eyes in thought, pushing off the shelves. “Any reason you’re back here?” The corners of his lips twitched, his deep voice vibrating like he was holding back a smirk when he sauntered towards me. “Deleted someone’s assignment when they went to the bathroom? Spilled soda on a book worth more than your apartment?” Dimples formed in his cheeks when he grinned. “Smuggled in your cat?”

I crunched my brows.

That seemed – oddly specific.

“No...” It came out more like a question, my head dipping to the side in slight confusion, and the guy chuckled as he crouched down in front of me. A wave of his warm cologne washed over me, something dipped in my stomach, and he raised his brows at me with a smirk.

“Hope it hasn’t got anything to do with you currently blocking the number one hook-up spot on campus.”

I blinked. Then I snorted a little and started to giggle, raising my brows.

“You’re kidding, right?”

The guy stared at me, the corners of his lips slowly curving upwards.

I stared back with a wide smile that dimmed a little. Then I crunched my brows. “You’re joking.”

The guy grinned, his gaze tracking over my face.

“Nope. Wish I was.” He sighed deeply before crunching his brows. “Have you been back here often lately, ‘cause that would explain why suddenly every horny student has migrated to the fourth floor over at the auditorium; before you ask how I know,”, the corners of his lips tipped into a smirk, “I walked in on a couple fucking in the broom closet a week ago.”

I stared at him. For a second, my mind was simply blank as I felt heat wash into my face and the guy stared back, the corners of his lips twitching and eyes twinkling mischievously. Then I blinked and crunched my face in confusion.

“Why didn’t you knock?”

The guy arched his brows. “Knock. At a broom closet.”

I raised my shoulders, somehow managing to fight a wide smile when I widened my eyes at him.

“I don’t know; it’s a broom closet in an empty hall, that’s like the second most cliché place for a hook up. I mean,”, I tried to keep my lips from curving upwards, “you probably scared the crap out of them; neither of them will ever be able to do it in a confined space again because they’ll be too scared of you suddenly barging through the door, but – to the rest of the student body, a broom closet will still be pretty high up on the list!”

The guy snorted, dropping his head for a second as his shoulders shook with quiet laughter.

“So you’re saying it’s my fault?” He looked up at me again, creases digging into his cheeks as he grinned widely and raised his brows.

“Well, it’s definitely not mine.” I frowned, something giddy bubbling under my ribs as I tried to suppress a beaming smile. “What did you just walk into a broom closet for?!”

“I thought someone was dying in there.” The guy widened his eyes at me, his grin growing bigger. “That poor girl was faking her fucking heart out, and it wasn’t surprising, the guy was practically making her teeth chatter.”

A snorted giggle broke from my throat before I could hold it back, and the guy raised his brows, deep creases forming in his cheeks. “Seriously man; it was traumatising, I’m getting flashbacks every time I just open a fucking door.”

I tried to fight the giggles bubbling in my chest. “In that case, maybe it’s good then he can’t do it in small spaces anymore.”

For a second, we just stared at each other while suddenly, I couldn’t keep my grin at bay, my heart hopping against my ribs and the guy’s lips curving, dimples in his cheeks as his twinkling eyes pierced mine. Then I blinked, and my gaze caught on the clock on the wall behind him.

My eyes widened as something dipped in my chest, startled.

“Shit.”

Hastily, I crammed my book into my bag and scrambled to get to my feet. Looking around to make sure I hadn’t left anything, I turned – and almost ran face first into a broad chest.

My heart missed a beat, my gaze slowly moved up, and my breath caught in my throat as I felt my lips part a little.

Oh.

Crap, he was tall.

The guy’s lips curved like he could read my thoughts as he stared back down at me. He was so close, I could feel the scent of his cologne fill my lungs with every soft, hitching breath, something dark and warm and addicting.

I could have stepped back to make it more comfortable for both us. I probably should have; I was still barely an inch away from bumping into his chest and had to crane my neck to look up at him, the top of my head barely even reaching his shoulders, his own head dipped so he could hold my gaze.

But for some reason, I suddenly couldn’t move a muscle, my breath caught in my throat and my heart thrumming against my ribs as I stared up at him with slightly widened eyes. His wide shoulders were basically blocking the light and his broad, solid chest was radiating warmth, his scent making my head swim. There were green flecks in his iris, surrounding his dark pupils in a ring and melting into warm brown that slowly started to twinkle.

“What were you doing back here again?” The guy’s quiet voice vibrated like he was suppressing a grin, his eyes narrowing lightly.

Somehow, I kept myself from swallowing. Instead I managed to pull myself together with a huff and started to glower up at him.

“Not what you’re thinking right now.”

The guy slowly started to smile shit-eatingly, dimples digging into his cheeks as he raised his brows.

“Actually, sweetheart, you’re the one thinking it -”

Grumbling, I turned around, barely fighting the stupidly wide grin threatening to break over my face.

When I threw a quick look back before turning the corner, the guy was still standing in the same spot, dimples in his cheeks as he stared after me with a grin.

♡

Rain pattered onto the skylights above, the lamps dunking the quiet library in warm, golden light.

It had started chucking it down just a little after I had slipped into my favorite rarely visited section, setting up camp under the windows. I had gotten some work done before pulling my book from my bag, curling up against the wall.

Crunching my brows in focus, lost in the story, I was about to turn the page when a pair of sneakers appeared in my vision.

The scent of dust and paper was chased away by a dark, warm scent; my heart leapt into my throat and my head whipped up, and someone plopped down next to me.

My breath caught, and the guy that had been wandering my mind since his appearance in my section a few days ago stared at me with contemplatively narrowed eyes. There was the hint of a crease showing in his cheek, his loose sweatshirt somehow making him look even broader, and his huge frame dwarfed mine even with him sitting on the floor.

“You know…” He shifted, one tattooed hand rising from where it was loosely draped over his pulled up legs as he dipped his head towards me.

“Over there,”, squinting as his lips quirked, he pointed towards the aisles leading back into the main space of the library, “are workspaces where you can actually sit at a table instead of on the floor?”

I stared at him, and slowly, something started bubbling in my chest. It felt warm and giddy, causing my heart to hop and a big grin threatening to break free on my face.

Biting it back just barely, I crunched my brows.

“Yeah, but, over there,”, leaning his way without being able to help it, I also pointed towards the aisles and looked back at him, raising my brows dramatically, “you have to actually kill someone to get a seat.”

The guy chuckled, the sound travelling through me. Eyes crinkling and dimples digging into his cheeks, he grinned and leaned back against the wall, easily stretching out one long leg and propping his arm onto the other. I tried not to stare at the tattoos inked onto his skin, muscles flexing beneath when he shifted to get comfortable and smirked at me.

“I was hurt when you ran away from me the other day.”

Something fluttered high in my chest. “I didn’t run away, I had class.”

“You didn’t even say goodbye.” The guy’s eyes were twinkling even as he furrowed his brows with a pout, which – looked ridiculously adorable for a six-foot-something guy with tattoos all over.

“I was late.” Widening my eyes at him, I tried to fight that strange feeling that started bubbling in my chest, warm and giddy and causing my lips to try and break into a huge smile.

“You had time to stare at me.” The guy smirked, a crease digging into his cheek as his gaze lazily dragged over my face, and I glowered at him even as heat bled into my cheeks.

Damn it.

The guy’s grin grew, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Then he raised his brows, draping his hand over his knee.

“So you’re still sitting in the hook up-section.”

I huffed, trying to fight my twitching lips.

“Yeah, well; your word is the only one I got that this is actually a hook up spot, and I’m not about to give up the only place in this library where I don’t have to fight anyone to get a seat.”

“I'd fight for you.” The guy’s eyes were twinkling as he stared at me, his grin growing when a laugh broke from my throat.

“Besides.” I turned back towards my book and raised my brows, feeling my lips curve. “I decided that if that whole thing is true, then I will gladly keep scaring people off with my presence.”

The guy’s eyes were twinkling as his gaze dragged over my face. “You sure you’re the right person to scare anyone away?”

I quickly turned my head to scowl at him. “Hey; I might not be a fucking giant, but I can kick very painful places.”

The guy’s smirk widened, creases digging into his cheeks and iris sparkling as he stared at me. “Kinky.”

I huffed, mostly to suppress the laugh rising in my throat as the happy bubbling under my ribs grew.

“Also, I don’t have to be scary, just a person being here is gonna do the job.” I felt a cheeky grin tug at my lips when I arched a brow. “People generally don’t want an audience when they’re having a quicky in the library.”

The guy squinted at me, his lips curving.

“You talking out of experience?”

My cheeks heated, and I glared at him.

“I don’t know; you’re the one who heard people fucking in a closet and decided to take a look,”, I grumbled.

A deep laugh broke from the guy’s chest, the sound suppressed as he tipped his head back, his shoulders shaking as he laughed silently. Something hopped against my ribs, and I tried to fight the stupidly wide smile pushing onto my lips.

Breathing a chuckle, the guy dropped his head again with a grin, his twinkling eyes flickering over my face as he narrowed them.

“So why did you decide robbing people of quickies in the library was a good idea? Cause there’s a bunch of students 'bout to be really fucking pissed.”

“Because unlike a broom closet, no aisle here has a door. I don't wanna know how many people got traumatized because they were looking for a book at the wrong time,”, I grumbled drily before crunching my face. “Also; fucking in a library, have some respect, the poor books.”

“What, a broom closet is less sensitive?” The guy furrowed his brows, his lips twitching like he was fighting a laugh.

“Yeah; I mean, the only thing to defile in there are mops, and they’re used to dirty stuff,”, I mumbled absentmindedly.

For a second, there was silence, and when I raised my eyes before looking to the side, the guy was staring at me, the grin on his face slowly growing.

My lips started twitching, and a giggle bubbled in my throat.

“You know, I don’t even know your name.” The guy reclined lazily, his eyes bright when he raised a brow.

Staring back at him, I felt my lips curve. “Well, I don’t know yours, so I’d say that’s fair.”

The guy’s grin widened. Then he sent me a light wink.

“Cassian.”

Something leapt up and down under my ribs, and I tried to fight a wide smile.

“Y/N.”

For a second, we stared at each other, something bubbling wildly in my stomach. Then the guy, Cassian, blinked and crunched his brows, again looking ridiculously adorable.

“So what was that breakdown the other day about?”

I sighed and raised the book I was holding. “This. I’m really trying to enjoy it, but it’s just breaking my brain –“

“It’s a book, baby; how bad can it be?” Cassian’s lips curved into a smirk as he plucked it from my grip, crunching his brows as he turned it to read the back, and I felt my breath catch at the absolute nonchalance with which he called me baby. But somehow, I managed to push past it, widening my eyes at him.

“It’s the story, okay; listen –“

“Next station -”

The tinny voice coming from the speakers overhead ripped me out of my thoughts, and I raised my head, my gaze landing on the name of the station on the screen.

“Shit.” I felt my eyes widen as my heart jumped against my ribs, and I quickly darted out of my seat.

♡

“Sorry, excuse me –“, wincing, I weaved my way through the people coming my way from the crosswalk. Squinting against the last rays of sunlight, I breathed out, the cold air making me shiver gently as I slid my hands into my pockets and stopped at a red light. Rocking back and forth on the spot, I let my gaze flicker over the square behind the crosswalk.

I didn’t know why exactly today, my brain had decided to take me on a trip down memory lane. But it caused that same happy, bubbling feeling to rise under my ribs and made me barely suppress a wide, giddy grin.

The light shifted to green, and I crossed the street, feeling my brows furrow gently as I let my gaze wander over the square. The windows of the restaurants and shops reflected the last golden rays of light, there were people crossing the square; elderly couples, groups of teenagers -

My breath hitched in my throat, and slowly, a wide smile spread over my face.

In the middle of the square next to the fountain, a tall figure towered above all others, wide shoulders even broader under a dark puffer jacket, his profile lit by the last golden flickers of sunlight, straight nose crunched against the cold and strong jaw tensing and relaxing as he lazily shifted on the spot. His eyes slowly tracked over the square, the last light causing the scar on the side of his face to shift.

My heart rose in a warm thrum, and I whistled sharply.

Cassian looked over his shoulder, gaze darting over the people - until his eyes found mine.

Even from a distance, I could see the twinkle beginning to spread through his iris.

Creases slowly started forming in his cheeks, and something skipped happily against my ribs when my best friend began to grin shit-eatingly. The lines of his smirk, now, nearly two years later almost as familiar as my own, made my heart do a happy wiggle, and I began to beam back.

I quickened my steps, and Cass turned towards me, raising his brows as his lips curved.

I got faster, a happy giggle bubbling in my throat, then I crashed into him.

Cassian grunted, but the sound quickly turned into a chuckle as he leaned down with a dramatic groan and lifted me off the ground. His arms tightened in a squeeze around my waist, his shoulders broad and solid beneath my arms, and feeling something skip happily against my ribs, I swung my legs around his waist with a giggle, interlocking them tightly.

“Hi monkey.” Cassian’s deep voice rumbled through me, a little raspy as always and vibrating with a grin. Slipping his arms under my thighs to hold me up, he chuckled when I pulled back just enough to press a firm kiss onto his cheek.

The scent of his cologne started to fill my lungs, and something hopped happily against my ribs when I leaned back and saw a dimple forming in his cheek.

“Hi.” Sliding my arms around his neck, I grinned at him, and Cassian smirked, a crease digging into his cheek. The light hit his eyes, causing the green spots in his iris to glow, and wriggled in my stomach.

“You good?” Cassian hoisted me up a little to adjust his grip, grinning when I tightened my grip out of reflex.

“Yup.”

My stomach grumbled, and Cass raised his brows.

I squinted. “Apart from that.”

Cassian smirked.

“You know, I’m always surprised by how much food you can stomach,”, his eyes narrowed, “it’s like you’re a little black hole for snacks or something –“

I glared and lightly slapped the side of his head, and Cass broke off with a deep chuckle that made my whole body shake.

“Leave me alone, I haven’t eaten all day.”

“You? Haven’t eaten?” Sliding his right arm under my ass to hold me up, Cassian freed his other hand to slap it against my forehead, brows dramatically crunching. “Are you sick, baby?!”

“Oh, fuck off.” Trying to push his hand away, I nearly lost my balance, quickly locking my legs tighter around his waist and linking my arms back together at the nape of his neck. Cassian chuckled, his warm eyes flickering over my face as he grinned at me, and I had to fight the overwhelming urge to press a kiss onto the side of his nose.

“I’m fine. Just got sucked into writing this morning and basically didn’t stop until like an hour ago.” I shrugged.

Cassian stared at me. Then his lips curved, and slowly, very slowly, that familar shit-eating grin spread over his face, only doubled tenfold now as he eyed me, creases digging deep into his cheeks.

I blinked and felt my heart do a little swerve.

“Don’t.”

My best friend widened his eyes lightly, even as his grin grew. “You don’t even know what I was gonna say!”

I widened my eyes back at him, something warm suddenly bubbling wildly in my chest. “I know you, dipshit; you were about to drop some suggestive innuendo about sucking!”

“Dude, your mind went there; I didn’t actually say anything -“ Cassian’s grin was broad as he raised his brows and slipped his hand back around my thigh, and my heart leapt against my ribs.

“I can’t with you.” I shook my head, barely keeping the warm, giddy feeling in my chest from causing a stupidly wide smile to spread over my face.

“Can’t without me either, baby.” Cassian smirked and winked, and I lost the fight against the giggle breaking from my throat.

“Put me down, you idiot.” Trying to keep the grin mirroring his in check and failing, I slid my legs off Cassian’s waist. “If Mor’s gonna make me drink, we gotta change the food-situation.”

Cass leaned down to place me back onto my feet with a dramatic groan.

“Alright.” Straightening laborously, he pulled his phone from his pocket and squinted at the screen. “We got - another hour until we’re meeting the others; so, let’s get you something to eat before you start getting hangry.”

“I don’t get hangry.” Frowning, I craned my neck to stare up at him indignantly.

Stuffing his phone back into his pocket, Cass stared back, brows rising.

“Okay, fine; maybe sometimes. A little.” Grumbling, I crossed my arms in front of my chest as I glared up at him, and Cassian slowly started to smirk, causing his cheeks to crease. Then he dropped his head, and something toppled under my ribs when he pressed a kiss onto my cheek, his hands sliding around my jaw to keep me from moving when the first was followed by another, and another, until my heart hopped and a giggle bubbled in my throat.

Cassian grinned against my cheek before pressing one last firm kiss against my temple.

“Alright, c’mon, sweet cheeks.” With a smirk, he straightened to his full height, his arm sliding over my chest and turning me around, his body pressing into my back as he started to push me down the sidewalk. I craned my neck to try and look up at him.

“Who’s party is this again?”

Cassian shrugged, the neon lights of a shop throwing shadows under his jaw and cheekbones, dark brows furrowed lightly.

“I don’t know, think someone from one of Rhys’ classes?”

I hummed, frowning in thought. “Think they’ll have food?”

“Nah, don’t count on it; we’re getting you something now.” Looking back, Cassian wrapped his arm over my shoulder, lightly drawing me into his side as a cyclist zipped past us.

My stomach twisted with a soft growl, and I looked up at him with a pout, fighting a smile. “Thanks.”

“Are you kidding?” Cass threw me a look, huffing. “Not eaten all day; you and I need to have a talk.”

Warmth rose under my ribs, and I looked back ahead, shaking my head even as a wide smile spread over my face.

Cassian sniffled against the cold air, pulling up his shoulders a little as he crunched his brows contemplatively. “I could eat.

“You can always eat.” I grinned teasingly up at him before yelping and snorting a giggle when Cassian tightened his grip and leaned down with a grin to playfully nip at my jaw. His breath hit my skin, something bubbled high in my chest, and Cass straightened up again with a smirk.

“Fuck yeah, baby. Food’s life.”

Snickering under my breath, I huddled into his side, shivering dramatically and chattering my teeth.

“Why is it still so fucking coooold –“

“Want me to warm you up?” Cassian’s grin was shit-eating enough that I snorted, elbowing him into the side. Whining dramatically, Cass tugged me into his side, grinning when he rubbed his palm over my arm and raised his brows.

“Okay, seriously, what do you wanna eat?”

♡

Crunching my brows, I studied the two packages of crisps in my head, trying to figure out which one to take.

Something warm brushed against my shoulder, then a head slowly appeared right next to mine.

I felt my lips twitch; a snorted giggle broke from my throat, and I quickly reached up and pushed Cassian’s face away from me.

His chest vibrated in my back as he straightened up with a deep laugh, his head tipping back, and shaking my own, still snickering softly, I raised the packages to squint at them dramatically.

“I can’t decide!”

"It's okay, I'll help with the rest." Grinning, Cassian leaned over my shoulder and plucked both of them from my grip, pressing a dramatic kiss onto my temple before straightening. His chest pushed into my back, and quickly snagging the packages from his grip, I piled them into my arms, letting him steer me down the aisle.

The small supermarket was fairly empty thanks to the time, the city and sky outside becoming darker by the minute as we reached the register. Dropping my things onto the conveyor belt behind what looked like a guy’s dinner and a girl’s grocery run for the weekend, I sighed happily at the sight of crisps and two bottles of soda.

Cass leaned over me to snag a pack of gum, throwing it down next to my stuff, then he straightened, his arms sliding around my collarbones and his chest pressing into my back when he rested his chin on my head. Snuggling into my jacket, I leaned into him, giggling into his sleeve when Cass squeezed me with a dramatic sound.

Something started bubbling happily against my ribs, and I felt Cassian grin into my hair. Then he placed his chin back on my head and slightly clacked his teeth together, the vibration travelling through me. I snorted and Cass chuckled, his chest shaking in my back.

The guy in front of the line paid as the girl got ready to start shovelling her groceries back into her cart, and I looked to the side, letting my gaze roam until it met the one of an elderly woman a register over. I sent her a grin, and the old woman beamed, her eyes gleaming as they darted back and forth between Cassian and me. Then she leaned over slightly, her voice lowered confidentially as she said with a wide smile: “Such a lovely couple.”

My heart dipped, and I froze, my eyes widening and lips parting awkwardly. But before I could quickly correct her, Cassian’s deep voice echoed from somewhere above me, a grin vibrating through his voice.

“Thanks.”

I blinked before quickly craning my neck to stare up at him in bewilderment.

The smirk I got in response was shit-eating, only topped by the quick wink that followed.

The elderly woman beamed happily, sending me a gracious nod before moving forward in line, and I quickly turned and elbowed Cass into the ribs, something skipping in my chest when I hissed: “What the hell?!”

“What?” Cassian dropped his head so he could mumble into my ear, his smirk still wide as he threw the old lady a look over my head. “Didn’t wanna disappoint her. Besides.” His nose grazed my temple, and his smirk became shit-eating as his eyes dragged over my face. “Can’t blame her for assuming.”

My breath caught in my throat, and my eyes darted back and forth between his, warm and twinkling and suddenly so very close with his head dipped.

With a blink, I pulled myself together and rammed my elbow into his ribs again, and Cassian whined softly and dramatically, his grin wide as he straightened up again.

Grumbling, I turned back ahead, trying to ignore the heat suddenly pulsing in my cheeks.

♡

“No, wai- stop that!” Quickly yanking the my fries away, I glared at Cassian, trying to keep in a laugh.

We were sitting on a bench circling the big tree at the corner where the others were supposed to meet us, the sky above dark, cars rushing past. I was huddled up, legs criss cross, my knee pressing into the side of Cassian’s thigh while he lounged against the backrest, squinting into the neon lights of a laundromat across the street. The wrappers of the burgers and fries we had picked up at the take-out place next to the supermarket were crunched up next to me, and one bag of crisps was open in Cassian’s lap, but for the past few minutes, he’d been trying to sneak his hand into the paper bag that contained the rest of my fries.

Glowering, I turned to hold the package out of Cassian’s reach, twisting as I dropped my head back to pop a fry into my mouth. Cass quickly leaned forward, his arm sliding past me, and I gave a sound of protest that bubbled with laughter as I hastily held out my arm, trying to put the package to safety.

“Stop it, you already had the rest of the extra fries, your burger, your fries, and that huge bite of mine, and you’ve got the whole package of crisps, why can I not eat this in peace?”

“Cause baby, I’m twice your size; how can you expect me to not still be hungry when you are?” Cassian’s grin was shit-eating, his warm breath brushing over my nose, and I glowered back at him.

For a moment, we stared at each other, faces only inches apart, the green flecks in Cassian’s eyes twinkling as something bubbled in my chest and I barely fought the wide smile trying to form on my lips. Then Cassian’s hand shot forward, I quickly tried to twist away, and a soft squeak broke from my throat when Cassian dipped forward, sliding his arm around my waist and dragging me into his body.

For a few seconds, we were caught in a scuffle as I tried to save my fries while aimlessly flailing my legs and shaking with uncontrollable giggles, Cassian’s huge body half burying me beneath him as he tried to reach the bag, groaning and cursing under his breath until he managed to snag some fries. A dramatic whine broke from my throat, and whooping lightly, Cassian sat up with a wide grin.

Breathlessly, I slumped against him, and Cassian tipped his head back and dropped the fries into his mouth with a smirk.

Grumbling, I tried to sit up, but Cassian’s arm wound around my waist wasn’t budging, instead sliding tighter around me.

For a few seconds, I struggled, then I gave up.

Slumping into his side in defeat, I huffed. Cassian’s scent started to rise into my nose, dark and warm and familiar, and I could feel the warmth radiating from him even through his puffer jacket.

Shivering slightly, I shuffled a little to get more comfortable, pulling up my legs. Cassian draped his arm over my collarbones, and I snuggled into the curve of his elbow, squinting into the light of the laundromat as I leaned my head against his chest. Then I plucked some fries from the little package and craned my neck to look up at my best friend, holding them up.

A wide grin spread over his face, and leaning forward quickly, Cass snagged them from my fingers, teasingly biting my knuckles. I yelped a laugh, slapping his chest, and Cassian’s chuckle vibrated through me when he leaned back, chewing lazily.  

Snuggling further into his arm with a happy sigh, I dropped some fries into my mouth, chewing contendly. I could feel Cassian shift as he took a sip of my soda, then he dropped his head to steal another fry from my fingers, sending me a wink when I glared up at him, dimples digging into his cheeks.

A few minutes later the fries were empty, and I was digging around in the second package of crisps, giggling breathlessly as Cassian kept dipping his head, lightly nipping my jaw.

“Stop the-“ Quickly holding out some crisps, I snorted when Cassian pulled them out of my grip with his teeth while grinning, dipping his head back to let them slide into his mouth.

There was a sharp whistle, and I turned my head, craning my neck.

My gaze flickered over the street until it caught onto three people slowly making their way towards us, and I started beaming and waved. Cassian’s body shifted in my back as he leaned over me with a soft grunt, stretching his arm out to dip his hand into the crisps and shortly making me vanish from sight.

When he straightened up again, three shadows fell over us, and I happily grinned up at our friends.

“Starting the party without us, I see.” Rhys shook his head in disappointment, letting his arm slip from Feyre’s shoulders. He was wearing a thick jacket, his hair fashionably messy as always, and the tip of his nose was pink from the cold, but the twinkle in his eyes was mischievous as usual.

“Hey, you’re the ones late,”, I grumbled with a pout.

“Someone took ages getting ready.” Feyre, also with a slightly pink nose and huddled into her jacket, rolled her eyes.

Both Cassian and I turned our heads to look up at Azriel, tall and brooding and never the one making anyone late.

Az returned our looks before raising a brow. “Very funny.”

Snickering, I laborously sat up up, Cassian’s arm sliding down my side. Feyre dropped down next to me onto the bench, freeing her hands from her pockets before she hugged me, her teeth chattering dramatically. Giggling, I squeezed her back.

“You two ready?” Leaning down slightly to greet Cassian with a bro-handshake, Rhys raised his brows.

“Yeah,”, I crunched my brow and squinted up at him, “where’s Mor though?”

“Should be -”, Feyre dipped her head to the side, “ah, nevermind.”

Leaning forward to follow her gaze, I nearly tipped off the bench, but Cassian's hand slid over my stomach, keeping me upright as I beamed when I saw a tall blonde speedwalk towards us, red painted lips glinting in the lights.

“Punctual as always!”, I yelled, causing Feyre to grin widely, and Mor called back loudly: “Fuck off!”

Snickering, I pushed myself up again, gathering all of our trash before getting to my feet on the bench. Cassian’s hand slipped off my waist, and I rested my own on his shoulder to laborously climb over his lap. His calloused fingers wrapped around my wrist, keeping me steady, and a deep chuckle travelled through me as Cass held onto me until I was on his other side, dimples digging into his cheeks as he smirked up at me. I flipped him off with a grin, then I turned around, wandering over the bench towards the trashcan on the other side of the tree.

When I got back, Cassian and Feyre had gotten off the bench, Cass towering over Mor who was bickering with Rhys over which way to go. Azriel caught my gaze over Feyre’s shoulder, rolling his eyes and causing me to snicker.

Coming to a halt on the bench next to where Cassian was standing, I exchanged a look with Feyre, and she sighed and stepped forward, trying to break up the bickering.

Shivering, my eyes got caught on Cassian’s profile, and my heart did a little flip.

“Hey Cass?”

Cassian looked up at me, and I raised my arms, beaming at him.

“Piggyback ride?”

My best friend smirked, eyeing me. “Sure you can carry me?”

I dropped my arms and glowered at him.

Chuckling, Cassian stepped towards the bench, turning his back towards me, and smiling brightly, I leaned down slightly, sliding my arms over his shoulders and hopping onto his back.

Cass caught my legs, his warm hands gripping my thighs before he slipped his arms under my knees, lightly hoisting me up. My chest pressed against his broad back, his scent rose into my nose, and grinning happily, I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Okay, ready.”

“Can we just go?”, Cassian interrupted Mor and Rhys, a dimple forming in his cheek as he smirked. “By the time you two are done, the party's over.”

I parted my lips with a soft gasp. “The horror.”

Cassian’s chest rumbled as he laughed, his head tipping back lightly.

“Fuck off, baby.”

Grinning, I slung my arms tighter around his neck before crunching my brows and pouting. “Seriously, can we please just go; I don’t give a shit about how quickly we get there as long as we get there.”

“Amen,”, Azriel grumbled.

“Well, if he would listen to me –“ Mor glowered at Rhys.

The two started bickering again, and Az shook his head and brushed past us. “C’mon.”

I slid my arms tighter over Cassian’s collarbones, and Feyre sighed and slipped past her boyfriend, Cassian waiting until she was past him before following after her.

Resting my chin on my best friend's shoulder, I felt my heart do a happy wiggle as my body swayed with his steps. Behind us, the bickering slowly faded into the distance. Az and Feyre, a few steps in front of us, fell into conversation, Feyre linking her arm through Azriel’s, and Cassian craned his neck slightly to look back at me.

A deep crease slowly formed in his cheek as his eyes flickered over my face, and I crunched my brows.

“What? Do I have – something on my face?”

Cassian’s body vibrated as he chuckled and turned back ahead with a grin, squeezing my calves. “Nah.”

Staring at the side of his face for another second, I blinked before shrugging and leaning forward quickly to press a kiss onto his cheek. I could feel a crease forming beneath my lips, then I pulled back, grinning widely, and Cassian shook his head, gaze directed forward but eyes twinkling.

♡

Rhys and Mor caught up with us after maybe two blocks, both grumbling about being left behind, but I just snickered and slid off Cassian’s back, linking my arm through Mor’s to pull her with me.

The party of who-knows-who was located in some industrial loft further downtown. There were people standing in front of the entrance, smoking, a few stepping out of the way as Rhys pulled open the heavy steel door with a dramatic flourish. When I slipped into the stairwell after Feyre, I felt a warm, tall body towering in my back.

The music was audible even down here, and sliding my arm out of Feyre’s, I tipped my head back to stare up the winding staircase. I could feel the others push pass me, talking as they started to climb the stairs. Then something brushed against my back, and when I looked over my shoulder, Cassian’s breath hit my hair as he leaned forward, his chest pressing against my shoulders as he crunched his brows and stared up the stairwell.

“What are we looking at?”

A snorted giggle broke from my throat, and elbowing him into the ribs, I turned, sliding my hand around his wrist to tug him with me towards the stairs with a wide grin.

By the time we reached the fifth floor, the floor was vibrating, the noise of the party had doubled, and I was wheezing dramatically.

“God, who thought throwing a party up that many stairs was a good idea?” My voice was breathless as I held my sides, grimacing at the huge, open metal doors opposite of the stairs behind which lights flashed, illuminating the silhouettes of dozens of people. The others had apparently already gone in, because the landing was empty apart from empty bottles on the floor.

“Someone who’s never fallen down any steps while drunk.” I could hear the shit-eating grin in Cassian’s voice as his hands closed around my shoulders, rubbing slowly back and forth. I snorted a breathless giggle before straightening with a wince and, trying to steady my breathing, began to trudge over the landing, feeling my best friend in my back.

When I stepped through the open doors, I was hit by the noise and the music that made the thick, stale air vibrate. My gaze darted over the open floor loft, only lit by flashing lights changing colors and spotlights hitting the walls, so dark you could only see the outlines of the mass of people, and my breath caught in my throat. The noise and the amount of people crowding the space caused my chest to begin thrumming with a mix of exhilaration and anxiety, and something slowly closed around my lungs, making the flickering lights swim, the noise closing in on me -

A calloused hand slipped under my jacket, wrapping around my side as a solid chest pressed against my shoulders, and a familiar scent washed over me, chasing away the stale smell. My heart dipped; I ripped my gaze away from the crowd dipped in darkness and looked up over my shoulder, and something loosened in my chest.

Cassian was so close that I could see the details of the dark ink at the base of his throat, towering over me like a lighthouse in the dark as he let his gaze flicker over the crowd, the flashing lights illuminating his face and slightly crunched brows. His thumb absentmindedly brushed up and down over my ribs, and something started to bubble gently in my chest. The noise slowly faded to the edge of my conciousness, still present but no longer a weight on my senses, and I could feel my shoulders sink as the tightness around my throat slipped away.

“I think the others are over there!” Cassian’s deep voice vibrated through me as his grip tightened, then he dipped his head, and I could feel his shit-eating grin against my cheek when he called over the noise: “Want me to put you on my shoulders?”

I lightly kicked his shin, and Cassian’s chest shook when he laughed into my hair, his smile wide as he straightened. His body pressed into my back, and he started to gently push me through the crowd.

In the flashing lights, it was hard to even make out faces, the music causing the floor to vibrate and the noise leaving my skin humming. I quickly reached back, hooking my fingers into Cassian’s belt loops as my heart thrummed against my ribs, my breath hitching when I felt his body tower over mine like a rock between the waves.

Cassian’s grip tightened. Then the next second he drew me back into his chest just before some girls shoved past us. I nearly tripped over my feet, but Cass held me steady, and when I threw a quick look up at him over my shoulder, he was glaring after the group, muscles in his jaw flexing and a dark shift in his eyes.

Something toppled in my stomach when I felt his hand slip up a bit, wrapping around my ribcage, then his body pressed into mine, and Cass nudged me forward.

We caught up with the others about halfway through the loft. Feyre clocked us first, and I waited until a group of guys had pushed past us, yelling over the music and causing me to unconciously move back into Cassian’s grip. Then I stepped forward until I was standing next to her and crunched my brows.

“How ‘bout we find a - less crowded spot?”, I called over the noise, trying to sound lighthearted, but Feyre looked right through it. Squeezing my elbow comfortingly, she called back: “The guys are gonna see if they find a place to sit or something!”

Nodding back, I craned my neck to look up at Cassian. He was still towering over me, his hand wrapped around my ribcage protectively as he didn’t make any move to step away from me.

Warmth rose in my chest, and I leaned back into him without being able to help it, feeling him shift when he looked over his shoulder, then Mor appeared at my side, calling loudly: “Let’s go get something to drink!”

Glad about an opportunity to blend out some of the noise and chaos, I nodded, poking Cassian’s ribs to get his attention. He turned his head back towards me and dropped his gaze, and I stretched lightly to call: “We’re gonna go get drinks!”

“I’ll come with you!” Cassian’s deep, steady voice vibrated through me, and feeling something warm bubble high in my chest, I rolled my eyes with a grin.

“I’ll be okay, I got the girls! Just go with Rhys and Az, we’re gonna be fine!”

Cass crunched his brows, looking ready to protest, and with a soft laugh bubbling in my throat, I slid my hand towards his collar, tugging him down with a grin. Cassian complied easily, one corner of his lips curving as a wave of his scent washed over me, and stretching, I pressed a quick kiss onto his cheek, just long enough that I could feel a crease forming under my lips. Then I pulled back, and something leapt into my throat when my nose brushed against Cassian’s.

The room and noise faded. Cassian’s head was dipped so far that I could see the green specks in his twinkling eyes as they flickered over mine, only an inch away, so close that his breath was fanning over my lips. 

Like he could feel the way I suddenly stilled, Cassian’s gaze flashed. Something twisted low in my stomach when his lids suddenly grew heavier, eyes darkening with something deep, hazy, almost heated as they slowly dragged over my face, and suddenly, I was acutely aware of his wide, towering body half pressed against mine.

My breath caught, Cassian’s muscles shifted, and his lips parted as he slowly, absentmindedly ran his tongue over his bottom lip.

My heart got stuck somewhere in my throat, someone’s elbow hit my back and made me jump, and Cass blinked, his lips tipping back into his usual, lazy grin as he straightened slowly, nothing left of that strange, heated look but the light twinkle in his eyes when he dipped his head to call into my ear: “Stick close to the girls!”

Maybe it was the noise around us, but Cassian’s voice sounded deeper, travelling through me and almost causing me to shiver. But somehow, I managed to push away the way my heart pounded against my ribs and poked his side, sending him a wide, cheeky grin. “Duh.”

Cassian’s chest vibrated when he chuckled, his cheeks creasing as he dropped his head to press a kiss against my temple, and something leapt against my ribs. Then Feyre took my hand and pulled me with her.

♡

After raiding the kitchen area at the other end of the loft, we squeezed back through the crowd towards the windows where couches were set up. Mor was carrying shotglasses and a bottle with clear liquid that just the sight of had already made me feel woozy, glancing over her shoulder every few steps to check on us and glaring at anyone who got too close. Feyre had beerbottles in her arms, her hand on my shoulder as she stayed in my back, and I was carrying boozy lemonade I had found in the fridge, the ice cold cans pressing against my arms and keeping my focus away from the crowd and bass vibrating through the floor.

Mor slipped past a group of guys, and following after her, I threw a quick look back to make sure Feyre was still behind me before turning ahead again, and something leapt high in my chest.

The boys had cleared one of the couches and two armchairs facing them. In the flickering lights, I could see Cassian’s teeth flash when he grinned, a chuckle causing his shoulders to shake. He was lounging on the couch, melted into the cushions, his long legs spread lazily. His black t-shirt was straining against his wide shoulders, the colorful, raging lights flickered over the tattoos scattered over his arms all the way down onto his hands, and deep creases formed in his cheeks when he smirked at something Rhys said.

Mor called their names over the noise, and when I blinked, Cassian’s gaze darted over the crowd, finding mine over her shoulder. The corners of his lips curved up, a lazy twinkle spreading through his eyes as he started to smirk.

Rolling my eyes, I took two of the beerbottles Feyre handed me and squeezed past Azriel. He was occupying one of the armchairs, boot propped up onto the coffee table and sending me a faint smirk when I handed him a beer.

Cassian grinned up at me as I moved to squeeze into between the coffee table and the couch, his legs falling apart further to make space for me, and I handed him the other bottle of beer.

“Here,”, I called over the loud, blaring music, and Cassian straightened and leaned forward, snatching my wrist.

My heart nearly toppled out of my chest, and I yelped softly when he pulled, dragging me down onto his lap.

My breath caught in my throat as I toppled into him, chest colliding with his, Cassian’s breath grazing my lips and nose nearly bumping mine. One corner of his lips tipped upwards as his twinkling eyes dragged lazily over my face. Then he dipped forward, and I made a light noise of surprise, hastily holding onto his shoulders when his arm slid around the back of my butt, nearly lifting me into his chest as he dragged me closer until my thighs bracketed his hips.

Something skipped into my throat, and I huffed, causing Cassian’s grin to widen as he slouched back into the cushions, his head tipping back lazily as he stared at me.

“Best seat in the house, baby.”

I snorted under my breath, feeling my lips curve into a wide grin as I leaned forward to speak into his ear. “I don’t know; Az looks pretty comfy too -”

Cassian leaned forward quick as lightning, and my laugh caught in my throat when he lightly sank his teeth into the soft skin of my neck just below my ear, his grin so wide, I could feel it against my skin.

Curling my fingers into his hair like reflex, I held my breath, and, dimples showing in his cheeks, Cassian pulled back, his eyes twinkling.

Huffing, I managed to tear myself away from the sight of his curving lips and the crease digging in his cheek. Flicking his forehead, I shifted to get comfortable in his lap, feeling warmth rising in my chest when Cassian’s large hand cupped my hip to keep me from sliding away to the side.

“Did we miss anything?”, I called over the noise, carefully opening one of the cans I had dropped onto the couch.

Cassian made a non-commitical sound and plucked the drink from my fingers, turning his head to take a sip. His throat worked when he swallowed, causing the tattoo at the base of his neck to ripple, then he made a face.

“Urgh.” Blinking and smacking his lips, he looked at the can, brows crunching. “How the fuck can you drink that?”

“By knowing it’s the only thing you won’t drink for me!” I grinned and pulled the can from his grip, something warm bubbling happily in my chest, and Cassian’s body started shaking as he tipped his head back with a deep laugh.

Grinning, I took a sip, feeling Cassian’s gaze drag over my face and down my throat.

“Hey!” Mor’s loud voice made me look over my shoulder, and when Cass dipped his head to the side to look past me, the blonde grinned widely. “They got a beer-pong table!”

My heart dipped, and slowly, I felt a grin spread over my face.

A couple minutes later, we had fought our way through the crowd and Mor and I were standing on one end of the dining table by the windows, cups arranged in front of us and Azriel and Cassian on the other side. Cassian’s eyes were twinkling in the light as he propped his arm onto Azriel’s shoulder, raising his brows at me, and without a word spoken, I saw the challenge in the way he smirked as his eyes dragged lazily down my body.

Something rose under my ribs, and I narrowed my eyes, feeling a wide, cheeky smile slowly spread over my face. Then I lightly nudged my chin forward.

Do your worst.

Cassian started to grin. Sliding his arm off Azriel’s shoulder, he caught the ping-pong ball some guy threw his way and turned slightly, raising his hand. Then he sent me a wink and tossed.

♡

A few hours later, the sky outside was pitchblack and a happy buzz had taken over my entire body, making me very giggly and a little sleepy.

“Hey.” A finger gently tapped my nose, and I shifted, forcing my eyes that had started to feel very heavy to open, and my breath caught a little in my throat.

Cassian stared down at me, a grin causing dimples to dig into his cheeks. Then he dipped down his head, and his breath grazed my cheek when he called into my ear: “Think it’s time we get you home, baby!”

I didn’t protest, not with how heavy my limbs and eyes had started to feel. Instead I reached up to poke Cassian’s cheek and sent him a wide, slow beam that caused his own grin to widen.

It’s goofy edge, the depth of his dimples and his pupils, blown and darker than usual, were the only signs that he definitely wasn’t sober anymore either.

Slowly freeing myself from where I had curled into his side, I felt Cassian’s arm slide off my shoulder, curling around my waist instead to keep me steady, and following a warm, lazy impulse, I leaned up and pressed my lips onto his cheek, long enough for his scent to fill my lungs, dark and warm and mixed with a boozy edge.

When I pulled back, Cassian turned his head, and in the flashing lights, his eyes suddenly seemed deeper and darker, his warm breath grazing my lips as his gaze dragged over my face. Then he blinked, his lips curved upwards and creases appeared in his cheeks, and his arm slid tighter around me when he dipped his head and pressed a slow kiss onto my cheek. His nose dragged over my skin, and shivers raced down my spine.

Somehow, I pulled myself out of the warm, buzzing feeling that filled my chest and turned around, pushing myself to my feet laborously. The room tipped just a little and I only nearly tripped over my own feet, but large, warm hands wrapped around my waist, holding me upright, and a giggle bubbled in my throat when I felt Cassian’s wide chest pressing into my back. Craning my neck to stare up at him, the warm buzz seemed to swell when I caught a glimpse at his wide, dimpled grin, his chuckles causing both our bodies to vibrate.

Cass leaned down his head, and his breath grazed my cheek when he called into my ear: “Let’s say bye to the others and then get the fuck outta here!”

♡

The next bus was another half an hour, so Cassian and I walked the way from the loft to my apartment.

The night air was cold and crisp, making the warm bubbling feeling in my chest swell even as the wind nipped at my skin. I slid my hand into Cassian’s after few blocks, his palm large and warm, engulfing mine as I linked our fingers and quickened my steps, tugging him with me, the happy, bubbling buzz in my body causing a giggle to rise in my chest, the smile on my face so stupidly wide it made my cheeks hurt when I turned and walked backwards, swinging our hands. Cassian’s answering grin was unrestrained and wide, causing dimples to dig deep into his cheeks when he pulled me back into his side, his arm sliding over my shoulder. Giggles broke from my throat when I bumped into him, nearly stumbling.

Cassian chased me the last few steps to the front door, even drunk still quicker than me, his arms wrapping around my waist just as I leapt onto the front step, and the storm of wild flutters in my chest reached new heights when he twirled me around in a circle, his chest vibrating as he laughed into my hair at the giggles bubbling from my throat that I just couldn’t contain.

“Stop i-“ I almost tripped when he dropped me back onto my feet, a snorted giggle leaving me, and warm hands gripped mine, keeping me upright as Cassian laughed fully, head tipped back and shoulders shaking. I flipped him off, and Cass caught my hand, grinning so widely, creases formed in his cheeks. He looked a bit flushed, from the cool air and the alcohol that seemed to make his gaze slower, more intense as it dragged over my face, and feeling something dip in my stomach, I turned around, trying to get my keys out of my pocket.

The warm light in the staircase flickered on when I pushed open the door. Shushing Cass and trying to suppress a giggle at the offended look he sent me, I nearly groaned at the sight of the stairs.

By the time we made it to the third floor, I was out of breath and desperately trying not to laugh at nothing in particular, the happy bubbling buzz in my chest making it hard to stay quiet as I dragged Cassian to my door.

Trying to slide my key into the lock, I missed, and a snorted giggle burst from my throat, shaking my body so badly, I leaned my forehead against the door, trying to keep the giggles in as more bubbled in my chest.

There was a deep, chortled laugh behind me, then I felt a warm weight in my back and a solid body pressing against mine when Cassian leaned an arm against the doorframe and dropped his head to smother his chuckling in my hair. The scent of alcohol rose into my nose, mashed with that scent that was just him, deep and dark and warm, causing my heart to rise, and I inhaled it softly without being able to stop it.

Trying to suppress more giggles, I pulled back my head just enough to look down, squinting dramatically. After two more tries, my key finally found the lock, jingling quietly when I turned it, and whooping softly, I pushed open the door.

My apartment was only lit by the glow of the streetlamps outside falling through the windows, the sky outside inky black like Cassian’s hair. I kicked off my shoes in the small hall, hopping on one leg and nearly falling over, causing a startled, snorted laugh to leave me.

“Fuck, I love your place.” Breathing out happily, Cassian let the door fall shut and slid out of his jacket, carelessly throwing it over the shoe rack before moving past me, and I switched on the small lights in my bedroom, just in time to see him collapse onto my bed.

“Dude,”, I whined, crunching my brows, “not the clothes on my bed!”

Cassian snorted before he rolled onto his back and started to laugh, his head tipping back and body shaking, and something rose high in my chest when I caught a glimpse at his face; the way his closed eyes crinkled and dimples dug into his cheeks.

Grumbling, I started taking off my socks, and still grinning, Cass pushed himself to his feet with a soft, dramatic grunt, his chest pressing into my shoulders as he pushed past me with a chuckle. I felt my skin tingle where his hands had closed around my ribs.

Cass ducked his head to the side to not hit it at the doorframe and trudged into the small kitchen, opening the fridge, and I made a face and started to shimmy out off my pants that had started to feel incredibly uncomfortable a while ago.

Screw jeans. I wanted joggers.

Kicking them to the side, I turned around, moving towards my bed while wrangling myself out of my top and carelessly throwing it over a chair. Tugging my bra over my head, I unceremoniously dumped it onto the floor before dragging the oversized t-shirt I slept in out from under my blanket. It vaguely smelled of something else besides me, something warm and dark and addictive, and after sliding into it, I buried my nose at the collar, breathing in deeply.

Something swelled and fluttered against my ribs, and I turned around with a happy sigh.

Cass was still bent over the fridge, arm propped onto the open door and head stuck inside, grumbling under his breath as he dug through the contents. Feeling a wave of giggles bubbling in my throat, I kicked our shoes out of the way and squeezed into the bathroom to wash off my make-up that had started to feel sticky on my skin. Nearly groaning happily, I dried my dripping wet face before raising my head and catching a glimpse at myself in the mirror; eyes bright and hair messy.

Looking around for the joggers I had left in here before leaving earlier, I crunched my brows. Then I shrugged and turned around.

“What are you even looking for?” I pulled the bathroom door close behind me before stepping into the door to the small kitchen and leaning against the frame, feeling the warm, bubbling feeling rise against my ribs when I stared at Cassian’s large frame towering in my kitchen, chugging soda from a colorful can. My gaze flickered over the curve of his throat and the tattoo rippling at its base, and something curled low in my stomach.

Finally dropping his head, Cassian swallowed and exhaled dramatically. “That was good.” He dropped the can into the trash before turning around, and I could see his movements slow as his gaze dragged down my body. His eyes flashed with something heated, growing deep and hazy, and my breath hitched, the warm feeling in my chest swelling.

Cass blinked, and slowly, he started moving, his piercing gaze never leaving my face as he walked towards me. A wave of his scent washed over me, warm and addictive, and all my thoughts quieted down when he leaned his shoulder against the doorframe, his knuckles brushing against my side as his low-lidded eyes dragged over my face. My chest brushed against his t-shirt, his warmth travelling even through the layers of clothing, and I stared up at him, feeling the warm thrum in my chest as my lips parted softly, my breath hitching as the warm buzz under my ribs swelled. My mind felt slow, hazy, muddled either by the alcohol cursing through me – or by Cassian’s scent filling my lungs, the warmth radiating from his large body, pulling me in, and the way he was gazing down at me, his eyes hooded and dark under heavy lids, an intensity in the way his gaze dragged over my face that sent tingling shivers over my whole body.

My breath caught in my throat, and my thoughts narrowed.

Beautiful.

All of him. The dark ink all over his skin, the shift of his muscles and hazy heat in his goddamn beautiful eyes. It felt like all of him pulled me in to swallow me whole, made my chest flutter with something so powerful, it caused my breath to catch as I stared up at him, my heart thrumming warmer against my ribs with every second.

And just because it felt like I might combust if I didn’t, I stretched and kissed him.

Something burst in my stomach, like hundreds of bubbling fireworks rising to the surface.

Cassian's lips were soft and tasted like fruit soda and alcohol, sweet and bitter at once. My chest swelled as my fingers curled into the soft cotton of his t-shirt and Cassian’s lashes fluttered against my cheek. Then a deep, low sound broke from his throat, and dropping his head to meet me, Cass slid his hands up my sides. His calloused palms wrapped around the sides of my neck, and exhaling deeply like a weight had lifted from his shoulders, Cassian kissed back like he’d been starving for it.

The rising feeling in my chest burst into a warm, fluttering storm.

Sinking down onto my heels, I dragged him with me, gripping his shirt and curling my fingers into the nape of his neck, feeling his warm skin and the way he shuddered at my touch, causing my heart to thrum and the bubbling feeling under my ribs to swell.

Making a deep, hoarse noise, Cassian moved until his wide chest pressed into mine, and his hand wrapped around my ribcage, dragging me into his body as he kissed me harder.

He was kissing me like he was trying to swallow me whole, devour me, his jaw flexing with every kiss that deepend, hungry lips parting mine, tongue swiping into my mouth like he was trying to memorize the way I tasted.

I dug my fingers into his sides when Cass began to push me backwards, feeling the planes of his torso, warm and hard, flush against mine and his body towering over me, causing the warmth bubbling in my chest to swell and heat to pool in my panties.

My back hit a wall, and something curled low in my stomach when Cass groaned low in his chest as his whole body pressed against the length of mine, so close my breath caught in my throat. His long fingers curled into my hair, and Cass dragged my head back and dipped his own to kiss my throat bruisingly.

My heart leapt into my throat, I sucked in a breath, and my eyes fluttered shut as my lips parted.

Cassian moaned against my skin, his hot breath heavy as he dragged his lips down the side of my bared neck, licking, biting, teeth sinking into my skin and leaving soft whimpers tumbling from my lips. His hand slid down to my waist and slipped under my t-shirt, and I held my breath when his palm dragged up my side to cup my ribcage, his calloused skin burning against mine.

Raising his head breathlessly, Cassian crashed his lips against mine, and the flutter in my chest hitched like my breath. His hand slipped further into my hair as his lips parted mine, tongue swiping greedily into my mouth, and a whimper spilled from my throat as I clung to him, kissing back feverishly.

Cassian groaned against my lips, biting down onto the bottom one and pulling lightly, causing my insides to flutter madly. Dropping his forehead against mine, he breathed heavily, and when I forced my eyes to open, my heart leap into my throat at the sight of his, half-lidded and feverish as they dragged over my face.

Cassian's throat worked like he was suppressing the urge to swallow, then his hand slipped away from my ribcage, his fingers brushing down over my stomach.

My lips parted, and my fingers curled into his shirt as the buzz in my chest slowed to a heavy, warm thrum.

Cassian watched me through hazy hooded eyes, swollen lips parted as he absentmindedly ran his tongue over the bottom one. Then his thumb hooked into the waistband of my panties.

The bubbling feeling in my chest rose until I held my breath.

Cass shifted and his nose nudged against mine, his head dipped so far that I could feel his hot, heavy breath on my lips, could see the green flecks in his iris bleeding together, and warmth built in my chest, fluttering wildly at the feverish look in his hazy, half-lidded eyes. His lips grazed the corner of my mouth, causing the thrum between my legs to tighten. Then his finger pulled at the waistband of my panties, and dragging them down my legs, Cassian dropped down to one knee.

My eyes widened, my heart rising, and my hand flew out to hold onto the doorframe as the other shot down to bury in his hair, some part of my brain catching up with the fact that he couldn’t possibly want to –

“Open your legs.” Cassian’s deep, hoarse order mumbled against my hip sent shivers down my spine so violently, my body shook.

“I –“

One big, calloused palm slid under my knee, and I nearly lost my balance when Cass dragged it up and over his broad shoulders.

My heart leapt into my throat, my back hit the wall, and Cassian groaned, his eyes hooded as he ran his nose up the inside of my thigh before biting down softly where my leg and hip met.

“Fuck.” His raspy words sounded slurred as he squeezed his eyes shut. A muscle in his jaw worked and I felt his wide shoulders shift. Then he dipped forward with a soft sound and ran his tongue greedily through my folds.

My lips parted as pleasure raced up my stomach and my fingers dug into his hair, and Cassian gave a noise sound low in his throat that sent my back arching.

“Shit, baby, you’re perfect,”, he mumbled into my skin, his deep voice so hoarse, it slid over my skin like sandpaper. His pupils were so large, they swallowed all color of his iris as he stared up at me through hooded eyes, hazy and heavily lidded as his palms closed around my hips, and with another soft groan, Cass dove forward, running his tongue hungrily over my pussy.

My body spasmed as my head fell back against the wall and pleasure twisted through me. Cassian was moving like he was trying to map out every inch of me, tongue circling my clit before dipping lower, coaxing whimpers from my throat.

“Shit –“

Cass buried his nose in my skin and sucked my clit into his mouth, and my eyes rolled into the back of my head as my fingers dug into the doorframe and shaky curses spilled from my lips. My hips rolled forward, and Cassian grunted.

“Fuck, you’re killing me.”

Diving forward, his hazy eyes on my face, he sucked, slow, hard, his warm hands sliding lower, holding me in place as he firmly ran his tongue over me.

“Oh.” My insides twisted as heat washed through me from my muddled head to tensing legs, and my lips parted, no sound leaving my throat as I grabbled to hold onto something, my pussy clenching, and Cass groaned.

“Shit, do that again.” He pressed closer and sucked harder, his hooded gaze piercing my face. The sounds bounced off the walls, causing my insides to wind tighter and my body to stutter.

“Fuck.” My fingers curled into Cassian’s hair, and he groaned, deep and hoarse, his eyes fluttering and tall body bowing into mine as he pushed me further into the wall, lapping greedily at me.

My breath caught as I clung to the doorframe, feeling a familiar tightness build in my lower stomach, twisting more taut with the second.

“Shit,”, I whimpered; Cass dove forward, licking and sucking harshly, and my eyes rolled back as without warning, the tension snapped.

My back arched as my body shook and pleasure crashed over me in a tidal wave harder than anything I had ever experienced. My eyes squeezed shut, head pressing against the wall as I cried out, feeling my insides shudder and tighten, pulsing harshly around nothing, and Cassian tightened his grip around me, his moan vibrating through me and causing my limbs to tremble.

My body shook, and I slumped against the wall, trying to catch my breath, heat washing through me, skin buzzing and insides thrumming. Then a soft, delirious giggle broke from my throat, my heart pounding against my ribs as I leaned my head back and closed my eyes as the warm, bubbling feeling in my chest swelled.

Lips pressed against my hip, followed by teeth sinking softly into my skin before something warm brushed against my chest and calloused hands slid under my shirt to keep me upright.

Still breathing a little unsteadily, I forced my hazy eyes to open, and the warm thrum under my ribs grew tenfold when I found a tall body towering over me, so close our chests almost pressed together.

Cassian’s gaze was heavy-lidded and feverish, his lips swollen and parted, a dimple digging into his cheeks as he stared down at me through hazy, twinkling eyes.

My breath caught in my throat, and Cass blinked, his gaze shifting, becoming deeper, molten, hungry.

My heart rose, I swallowed, and Cass made a low, rough sound deep in his throat as his piercing gaze flickered over me face. Then he dropped his head, and I sucked in a sharp breath when his lips crashed onto mine.

My eyes fluttered, and a soft moan broke from my throat when I stretched, clinging to him as I dug my fingers into his shirt and kissed back feverishly.

Cassian’s body pressed closer, rough palms cupping my sides as he started pushing me backwards into my bedroom. Half-stumbling, half-pulling, I tugged him with me, curling my fingers into his t-shirt, the warmth and strength of his body towering over mine causing something to bubble and swell in my chest, and Cassian’s lashes fluttered against my cheek when he made a low, hoarse sound against my lips. Then he dropped his head, and his hand slid into my hair and dragged my head back.

A broken moan vibrated through my chest when he attacked my neck, kissing and sucking harshly, sinking his teeth into my throat until my lids fluttered and I fought soft whimpers.

My fingers tugged at his t-shirt desperately, pulling it up, and Cassian let off my neck just long enough to help me drag the soft fabric over his head.

Dropping it carelessly, I stretched, my lips crashing onto Cassian’s as my fingers curled into the hair at the back of his neck. My hand ran down his warm chest, and I felt his muscles shudder under my touch, causing warmth to buzz under my ribs and something to twitch low in my stomach.

Heat rose in my chest, and I broke the kiss to start trailing hungry, breathless kisses down his throat, sucking and biting gently at his pulsepoint, drunk on the taste and softness of his skin. A low moan vibrated through Cassian’s chest, the sound so deep it travelled through me as he let his head fall back, jaw flexing, and I softly bit into his collarbone, licking over the spot before pressing kisses down to his right pec, my tongue trailing over the art inked onto his skin.

Cassian made a sound somewhere between a groan and a moan, his fingers curled into my hair, and when I raised my head, thoughts hazy, he crashed his lips onto mine.

I whimpered, and Cass swallowed the sound greedily, his tongue wrestling past mine, swiping into my mouth. I inhaled sharply, my fingers digging into his warm skin, Cassian pushed closer, his large body pressing against mine, and without breaking the kiss, he leaned down and slid his calloused hands under my thighs, lifting me off my feet.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I sank my teeth into his bottom lip, and Cassian's eyes fluttered as he moaned before breaking into a deep chuckle, his lips curving upwards into a wide grin against mine. His hand squeezed my ass, and feeling that bubbling feeling in my chest swell, I let the giggle in my throat break free, my fingers sliding into Cassian’s soft hair.

Beginning to walk towards my bed, Cassian dropped his head and bit into the soft skin below my ear, licking and sucking at the spot harshly, and my eyes rolled back as I clung to his large, warm body, his bare skin pressing against my thighs and the muscles in his back shifting, causing something in my chest to soar. Then Cassian let himself drop forward, and a startled squeal broke from my chest when my back hit the mattress, turning into unrestrained giggles when his huge body buried me under its weight.

Grinning into my neck, Cassian dropped his head, and something tumbled in my stomach when his gaze clashed with mine as he sank his teeth into the fabric of my t-shirt, his dark eyes hooded and heated.

“Off.” The deep, mumbled order sent shivers over my body, and I pushed myself up, quickly starting to shimmy out of the fabric, Cassian’s tattooed fingers curling into the hem, helping to tug it up my torso. His eyes seemed to grow more hazy and heavy lidded the higher the seam went, and a low grunt escaped his throat when I slipped it over my head.

Dropping his head, Cass nuzzled his nose against my collarbone, sinking his teeth softly into my skin. Then he dragged his lips lower, and my back arched, a flutter exploding in my lower stomach when he slowly circled his tongue over my nipple.

“Shit.” My fingers dug into his neck, and Cassian groaned softly, his eyes fluttering when he buried his nose in my skin, biting the soft skin of my breast before sucking it into his mouth as far as possible.

A soft shaking sound broke from my throat and trembling shivers ran through my body as my insides twisted and the bubbling feeling in my chest rose, and Cassian moaned low in his chest as he started to suck and lick my nipple greedily until my fingers dug into his nape and I arched into him with a breathless whine.

Running his nose over my skin, Cass pressed a lazy kiss against a forming bruise, then he switched sides, his calloused palm closing over my breast. I sucked in a sharp breath, my heart leaping into my throat, and Cassian watched with hazy eyes as a tattooed finger slowly circled my nipple until the pull was so tight, I squirmed, soft whimpers breaking from my throat as I pressed my head into the mattress and squeezed my eyes shut.

“Perfect,”, Cass mumbled raspily against my skin, sinking his teeth lightly into the soft skin above my breast before dragging his lips up to my neck, running his tongue teasingly over my throat. My hand shot up to grip his hair as I fought for breath, and Cassian dipped his head and kissed me, lazy and hungry, parting my lips and dragging his tongue over mine.

A shiver shook my body, I could feel Cassian's lips curve upwards, and warmth bubbled in my chest as I felt a soft, delirious giggle rise in my throat.

Cass grinned against my lips, his forearms pressing down into the mattress next to my shoulders as he shifted, his hips lodging into between my thighs, and the giggles got stuck in my throat when I felt the hard bulge in his pants press against my core.

A breathy sound escaped me as my hand shot out to dig into his back; my back bowed and my hips bucked, and Cassian groaned against my lips, his teeth sinking into the corner of my mouth. My eyes fluttered when I felt the outline of his cock, huge and what had to be painfully hard, straining against his jeans, and the rising feeling in my stomach grew unbearable.

My fingers were trembling with need as I slid my hands down over Cassian’s stomach, my chest thrumming and stomach buzzing, and I hooked my fingers into his belt, the clasp clinking when I pulled to open it. My eyes fluttered when his teeth sank into my neck, and cursing breathily, I tried to tug at his pants.

Cassian snorted a laugh into my skin, and a giggle burst from my throat as I kicked his ass with the heel of my foot.

“Stop – laughing –“

Cassian’s shoulders shook as his deep, unrestrained chuckles caused his body to vibrate, and my heart got stuck in my throat when he raised his head, dimples digging into his cheek, eyes hazy and grin wide.

“Need help?” Teasingly, he rolled his hips down, grinding his hard on against my pussy, and my back arched at the jolt of pleasure racing down my spine, a whimper breaking from my throat the same second a low groan tore from Cassian's chest, his eyes fluttering.

My heart leapt against my ribs, and an uncontrolled, breathless giggle spilled from my lips.

“Fuck you.” My breathy voice vibrated with more giggles that shook my body, my chest buzzing, drunk on alcohol and kisses and the familiar, dark scent filling my lungs, and I felt Cassian's face split into a wide grin against my neck. Then he raised his head, blown iris twinkling, and my heart leapt against my ribs when he nudged his nose against mine, lips ghosting over mine and crease digging into his cheek as he mumbled huskily: “That’s your job, baby.”

My breath caught, something twisted sharply in my stomach, and Cassian's hazy eyes pierced mine.

Swallowing softly, I reached down, touching his belt.

"Off." My voice was just a whisper, breathless and hoarse as heat built deep in my stomach, thrumming under my skin.

Cassian's gaze flashed, flaring as his heavy lids fluttered. Then he pushed himself up, his warm, solid weight disappearing from my body as he sat up. His hazy, dark eyes pierced mine, and without looking away, he started unbuckling his belt.

My lips parted softly as my gaze followed his tattooed hands like hypnotized as they undid his button, slipped into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a foil package, raising it to his mouth so his teeth could rip it open. Then they slid under the waistband, and Cassian pushed his jeans and boxers down his hips in one.

My soft inhale got stuck in my throat. Scorching heat washed over me, setting my cheeks aflame as my lips parted further and I couldn't do anything but stare, at sharp v-lines and flexing muscles as Cass slid the clear condom over his hard length.

My insides tightened, throbbing around nothing, and swallowing, feeling the bubbling feeling in my chest rise up into my throat, I tore my gaze away. My eyes darted up, and my breath hitched when my eyes found Cassian's, deep, heated and hazy beneath low lids as they pierced mine. Then he leaned forward, and his palms pressed into the sheets next to my sides. The mattress dipped under his weight when he pushed his pants off, his blown iris never breaking away from mine, then he moved up my body until he was hovering over me.

Staring up at him, a wild flutter rising under my ribs, I felt my breath hitch, and slowly, Cass lowered his head until his nose grazed mine.

My lips parted, and with a low, deep noise, Cassian leaned forward and crashed his lips onto mine.

My soft inhale got caught in my throat, something in my chest rose in a flutter, and with a quiet, needy sound, I stretched to slip my arms around his shoulder, my fingers curling into his hair as I inhaled sharply. Then I kissed back feverishly, and Cass groaned softly, his lips parting mine greedily, and his tongue swiped into my mouth, sliding against mine.

My body shuddered, and I arched closer as Cassian slowly lowered himself until his forearms pressed into the mattress next to my shoulders. His chest brushed against mine, his warm, smooth skin causing shivers to travel down my body, and I felt myself push closer almost involuntarily until Cass let himself sink lower, my muscles going lax at the feeling of his warm, massive torso pressing mine heavily down onto the mattress. My thighs slowly fell apart, and Cassian shifted, his chest sliding against mine and causing my nipples to tighten. Then his tip dragged through my folds, and my heart leapt into my throat as I gasped against his lips, fingers digging into his shoulders.

Cass groaned, low and hoarse. His throat worked, jaw muscles flexing, and his heavy lids shuddered.

“If you want me to stop, you tell me.” His voice was so raspy, it sent shivers down my spine.

My fingers dug into his back when I felt his cock slide over my pussy again, and I inhaled shakingly, nodding as my eyes rolling back slightly.

Cassian's nose nudged my cheek, his low, raspy voice vibrating through me. "Look at me, baby."

Somehow, I managed to force open my heavy lids, and something twisted tight and low in my stomach when my eyes met Cassian’s, blown like he was drunk on more than alcohol, his jaw muscles flexing like he was trying to reign himself in when he made a deep noise low in his throat.

“Need you to tell me.”

The bubbling warmth in my chest rose, and I nodded again, my voice breathy when I whispered: “I’ll tell you.”

Cassian’s softly sank his teeth into my bottom lip. Then he shifted his weight, one of his hands sliding over my thigh, his calloused palm leaving shivers in it's wake as it grabbed onto my knee and dragged it higher up his side until my leg slid over his back. His nose nudged against mine, his blurred, feverish eyes piercing mine. Then he rolled his hips forward, and my lips fell apart as I felt his tip push into me and how I clenched around him.

Cassian's body shuddered, his eyes fluttered, and he dropped his head into my neck.

“Fuck.” His deep voice sounded slurred, his back muscles flexing under my hands. His jaw worked as low, broken sounds rose in his throat, and a shaking whimper tore from my lips as my body arched into him.

“I - I don't -“ I squeezed my eyes shut, breathing shakily. “This might take a while.”

Cassian’s lashes fluttered against my cheek, and a low groan broke from his throat as he nuzzled his nose against my jaw, sounding hoarse when he mumbled: “Fuck; yes.”

A soft, startled giggle broke from my throat, and Cass grinned against my skin, my insides twisting at the sight of his hooded, hazy eyes and the crooked line of his smirk. Then he dipped his head and nipped my jaw, softly biting into my neck as he rolled his hips forward, and my eyes rolled back, my nails digging into his back.

♡

With a soft groan, I buried my nose in my pillow. Then I slowly blinked open one eye, feeling my nose crunch when the light sent a wave of pain through my head.

Ouch.

Whining softly and squeezing my eyes shut again, I dropped my head and buried my face in my pillow.

Urgh.

For a few seconds, I just laid completely still, feeling a steady pounding set up residence right underneath my skull. Birds chirped softly outside the window, a car passed on the street outside, and I could hear quiet clatter in another room.

My limbs felt heavy when I slowly raised my head again, making a face at the fuzzy taste on my tongue, the general queasiness and the spike of pain in my head as I squinted to take in my surroundings.

I was in my bedroom, stretched out diagonally across the mattress, clinging to my pillow. The gap in the curtains allowed warm rays of sunlight to fall onto the floor, and a cool breeze swayed the fabric. There were pieces of clothing scattered over the floor and the furniture, throw pillows dropped onto the carpet around the bed, my blanket was tangled around my bare legs, and I was wearing nothing but underwear and a too big t-shirt that smelled dark and warm and familiar.

Making a low sound in my throat, I contemplated just burying my head under the pillow and going back to sleep until my head stopped pounding and I didn’t feel like death anymore – but then the smell of something frying wafted into the room, and my stomach twisted and grumbled miserably.

Whining softly, I exhaled deeply. Then I slowly dug myself out of my blanket and slid my legs over the edge of the mattress. My whole body was aching, and wincing at the drumming pain in my head, I pushed myself to my feet, nearly moaning at the soreness of my muscles. Grimacing and tiredly rubbing my eyes, I sluggishly trudged over the carpet and pushed open the half closed door.

The smell of bacon got stronger, and running a hand over my face, I trudged through the small hall, coming to a halt in the door to the kitchen. Squinting into the sunlight, I blinked tiredly, and my heart performed a small, happy hop against my ribs at the sight of the tall guy moving around my small kitchen.

Cassian’s back shifted, muscles flexing under his bare skin as he smoothly flipped a pancake, the soft, concentrated crunch of his brows melting away when he placed the pan back on the stove. Twirling a spatula between his fingers absentmindedly, he looked around before beginning to stir what looked like scrambled eggs in another pan. The golden sunlight falling through the window made his eyes look softer and skin glow warmly, his large body dwarfing my kitchen as he moved around, and something squeezed softly in my stomach as my eyes flickered over his bare torso down to the black boxers peeking out over the waistband of his low hanging joggers.

Cass moved and threw a look over his shoulder, and our gazes met.

For a second, his gaze flickered down my body, and something shifted in his eyes when they seemed to linger on my bare legs. Then Cassian blinked and raised his eyes again, and something pulsed warmly against my ribs when one corner of his lips slowly curved upwards.

“Hey.”

His deep voice, warm and raspy, paired with the teasing twinkle spreading through his eyes sent a gentle tingle down my spine, and breathing out, I reached up to rub my eyes, crunching my nose gently as I mumbled hoarsely: “Hey.”

The scratchiness of my tired voice nearly made me wince, and Cass chuckled softly, dimples forming in his cheeks when he sent me a slow, shit-eating grin.

“You good, baby?”

Something leapt softly against my ribs at the teasing tilt of his voice, and exhaling heavily, I leaned my shoulder against the doorframe and dropped my temple against the cool wood as I stared at him tiredly, feeling my head pound. Then I raised my brows. “I definitely had too much to drink.”

A snort broke from Cassian’s throat, and the wide grin on his face caused something to topple lightly in my chest.

Breathing out, I blinked tiredly. Feeling my brows crunch softly, I stared into space as I tried to separate the blurry strands of memory in my head.

“Did you sleep here?” My hoarse voice sounded as sleepy as I felt as I blinked slowly.

Cassian raised his head, and his eyes flickered over my face.

I winced lightly, squeezing one eye shut as I sent him a crooked, sheepish smile. “I’m – sorry; I just remember that we left that – ridiculously full party last night, everything after is – blurry.”

Cassian’s gaze flickered over mine. Then he blinked, his jaw muscles shifted, and his throat worked gently like he was suppressing the urge to swallow.

Something twinged gently in my chest, and raising my head a little, I felt my brows crunch gently with worry as my eyes moved over his face.

“What?”

Cass blinked again. Then he turned his eyes away, one corner of his lips curving gently as he mumbled: “Forgot you’re a fucking lightweight.”

A soft giggle burst from my throat, and the curve of Cassian’s lips deepend just a little as he let the pancake slide onto a plate that was already filled with other, turning off the stove.

Staring at him and the shadow of a dimple in his cheek that didn’t feel fully him, I felt that soft twinge in my chest twist a little.

I blinked, then I pushed off the doorframe and trudged towards him, rubbing my eyes before sliding my arms around his waist and dropping my head against his chest with a tired, soft sound.

For nothing but a second, I thought I felt Cassian’s back muscles tense under my touch, his warm body seeming to freeze gently. But just was I was about to raise my head, a small breath left him, and I felt his shoulders sink. His hand slid up my back and his arm wrapped over my shoulder, and Cass dropped his head to bury his nose in my hair.

There was a small flutter against my ribs, and exhaling slowly, I slid my arms further around him, then I buried my face in his chest, his bare skin warm against my cheek. My eyes dropped close on their own accord, and just for a few seconds, the pounding in my head faded a little as I soaked in the solid feeling of Cassian’s body towering over mine and the warmth and scent of his skin. Then I raised my head relucantly and with a soft sigh, tiredly staring down at the pans for a second before I tipped my head back to blink up at Cass, feeling my lips curve just a bit as I squinted.

“That for me?”

Cassian’s eyes flickered over my face, and slowly, the smallest trace of a crease appeared in his cheek. Then he crunched his brows, narrowing his eyes a little even as his gaze started twinkling the tiniest bit. “You even hungry?”

My stomach tightened and rumbled, and a slow grin spread over Cassian’s face, causing his eyes to crinkle a little and small dimples to form in his cheeks and warmth to rise in my chest.

Chuckling softly, he slid his arm from my shoulder. “Sit down.”

Squeezing his sides with a tired, happy sound, I breathed out sleepily, dropping my arms from his waist and stepping back to move past him. My heart did a little skip when I saw that the small table at the window was set, glasses with orange juice next to cups and a steaming pot of coffe, another glass with water and painkillers sitting in front of the seat on the small sofa.

Something warm started bubbling in my chest, and feeling a soft smile spread over my face, I crunched my nose to barely suppress a yawn before wriggling past the table and climbing onto the couch.

Pulling the soft blanket over my bare legs and cuddling up in my seat, wrapping my arms around my knees, I tiredly blinked at the set table for a second, feeling the warm bubbling sensation under my ribs swell a little. Then I slowly pulled the glass with water towards me, ripping open one of the packages and dumping the contents into the glass. It started fizzling, turning bubbly and pale, and picking it up and making a face, I quickly chugged down its contents.

The bitter taste made me shudder and smack my lips with a grimace, quickly refilling the glass to rinse the taste out of my mouth and quench the sudden wave of thirst.

Emptying the second glass of water in one go, I barely suppressed a soft burp, and there was a quiet chuckle. Then a plate stacked with pancakes, eggs and bacon was placed in front of me, and when I raised my head, Cassian took the seat on the other side of the table, a soft dimple digging into his cheek.

The greasy smell of bacon rose into my throat, and groaning softly, I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply.

“Thank you.” My voice was still raspy and tired, but the smell of food made some of the queasiness melt away, my mouth watering as I took my cutlery.

Warm silence settled over the kitchen as I started eating, feeling too sleepy and hungover for conversation. The sun tickled my nose and made Cassian’s eyes look like light hazel with flecks of green as he slow sipped his coffee, brows crunched a bit against the light. He didn’t seem in the mood for conversation either and just protested with a soft, dramatic sound when I snuck bacon off his plate, the corners of his lips curving just a little as he played with his fork, hazel eyes watching me.

Polishing off the last bit off pancake and egg, I breathed out happily, most of the queasy feeling gone as I put my cutlery down and blinked tiredly. Now, my stomach full and warm, the ache in my head dulling down to a painful thrum, I felt like curling up on the spot and napping for the next 24 hours.

Though –

Crunching my brows softly, I dropped my head, I carefully sticking my nose into the collar of my shirt and sniffling.

Wincing lightly at the stale smell of alcohol, I slowly raised my head again and blinked tiredly.

“I think I’m gonna take a shower.” Resting my elbow on the table and leaning my cheek against my hand, I sleepily stared at Cassian. Then I mumbled softly: “You okay?”

Cass blinked. His gaze slowly moved over my face, and his throat worked slightly. Then he dropped his head, the shadow of a crease forming in his cheeks when he nodded.

“Yeah.” His quiet, raspy voice sent a warm tingle down my spine as he raised his head again, watching me, and I stared back at him, my lids fighting to close, the sun warming my skin.

“You sure?” My words were soft, quiet.

One corner of Cassian’s lips curved, and he leaned forward until he could rest his chin on his arms, staring up at me. “You know, showering sounds like a good idea. You’re kinda stinky.”

Warmth swelled in my chest, and without changing my position, I picked up a piece of packaging and tossed it across the table. A soft giggle burst from my throat when it hit Cassian’s forehead, and Cass crunched his brows and whined softly, dimples digging into his cheeks and eyes twinkling softly in the light.

Feeling happiness bubble gently against my ribs, I stared at him with a tired, crooked smile. Then I got up slowly with a sigh, grumbling dramatically under my breath as I climbed off the couch.

Cass straightened, throwing the piece of paper onto his plate, and sluggishly squeezing past the table, I leaned down and wrapped my arms around his neck from the side in a tight hug, leaning my chin against his head and closing my eyes tiredly. Cassian’s hand rose to wrap around my forearm, his thumb slowly brushing over my skin, and feeling warmth rise in my chest, I dropped my nose to bury it in his hair. Then I pressed a long, dramatic kiss onto his temple and slowly straightened up again, squeezing his shoulder. Cass looked back at me, his palm wrapping over my hand for a moment, and sending him a soft, crooked grin, I gently flicked his forehead. Then I turned around, sighing tiredly and rubbing my eyes.

Taking a detour to the bedroom to get fresh clothes, I trudged into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. The warmth of the sun and my full belly made me feel even more tired than before, and I barely managed to keep my eyes open as I stripped out of my clothes, dropping them carelessly to the floor before stepping into the shower and turning on the water.

My lids slid shut, and I allowed them to as I slowly scrubbed myself clean, letting hot water run over my face and down my back. The steady sound nearly made me doze off on my feet, and somehow pulling myself together, I turned off the water and stepped out onto the small matt, reaching for my towel.

Wrapping myself up, I stayed motionless in the same spot for a second with half closed eyes, dripping quietly, listening to the sound of a bee buzzing against the window.

A light knock against the door made me startle, and Cassian’s low, deep voice travelled through the door.

“Hey, you still awake?”

I blinked slowly. Then I mumbled, softly and hoarsely: “Fuck off.”

There was a muffled chuckle that sent a warm tingle down my spine, and I could almost see the way Cassian leaned his shoulder against the doorframe, dipping his head towards the door with a light grin.

“I used up the rest of your groceries, your fridge’s a fucking wasteland now; I’ll go down to the store and get you some shit for the weekend.” His deep voice vibrated over my skin even muffled by the door. “You want anything special or just the usual?”

Breathing out, I leaned my hip against the counter and blinked tiredly, my voice still rasping a little when I mumbled: “You staying?”

Cass was quiet for nothing but a second. Then his warm, raspy voice echoed softly through the door.

“Yeah.” The hum of his low, deep voice sent warm shivers over my skin when he added: “If you want me to.”

“Duh”, I muttered tiredly, my voice sounding a little less scratchy when I crunched my brows. “You always do. It’s tradition now.”

Cass huffed a deep laugh, and I felt my lips curve as I blinked slowly, my eyelids drooping. “Just get the usual. If I don’t feel like death tonight, I’ll make pasta, so – you just pick whatever you want for a sauce, and – get snacks. Lots of ‘em.”

Cassian chuckled, and warmth bubbled gently against my ribs. “Got it.” He lightly rapped his knuckles against the door. “Don’t fall asleep until I’m back, okay?”

I felt a slow, wide smile spread over my face.

“No promises,”, I mumbled with half-closed eyes, and Cass breathed another low laugh, then he pushed off the doorframe, the floor creaking. Warmth gently fluttered against my ribs, and breathing out, I slowly pushed myself off the counter as the front door fell shut.

Somehow, I managed to dry off and get myself into my underwear and a soft bra, even after giving up the fight against my heavy eyelids. Then I blindly grabbed my bodylotion from the shelf and forced my eyes to open dramatically as I turned around.

Just this and brushing my teeth and maybe sorting my hair and then I could go back to be-

My gaze found the mirror over the sink, and my breath caught in my throat.

The bottle of bodylotion slipped from my fingers and hit the tiled floor, and my lips parted as I stared at mirror and the dark bruises littering my chest, ribs and the side of my neck.

My heart thrummed once against my ribs, and memories crashed over me like a tidal wave.

Of heated, messy kisses and large hands wrapping around my limbs, turning and sliding my body into positions that had made my back arch, of lips dragging over my skin and teeth softly sinking into my ribs, of sweaty skin sliding together, my eyes rolling back into my head and a warm, massive body hovering over mine, husky curses rasped into my skin and fingers tangling with mine in the sheets.

Shit.

I stared into the mirror as my cheeks paled and my chest squeezed.

Shit, shit, shit.

@azrielshadows1nger @waytoomanyteenagefeels @secretlyhers @icey--stars @ailyr92

[runningwiththeoceans]

not even SJM herself could make me hate Eris Vanserra

[acourtofmishapandmistakes]

Azriel, to Nyx: First rule of battle, little one... don't ever let them know where you are.

Cassian, shooting from his siphons out of frame: WHOO-HOO I'M RIGHT HERE! I'M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O ME? YOU WANT SOME OF THE LORD OF BLOODSHED? COME ON! COME AND GET ME!

Azriel: Of course, there are other schools of thought.

[dawneternal]

The Benevolent | Eight

☁︎ Eris x Healer OC

☁︎ Notes: okay. This is kind of a big one 👀 pls let me know what you think, if the descriptions make sense, etc. I'm really hoping the concept for Aya's powers is actually interesting and not dumb but here we go

I've gotten a lot of notes from new readers lately and I wanna say thanks so much for the love and comments!! 💛💛

☁︎ Warnings: battle/war, injuries, blood, death, grief (it's not that graphic I just wanna make sure I get all the tags needed)

☁︎ Word Count: 3.5k

☁︎ AO3 Link / Masterlist

☁︎ Latest Artwork

☁︎ Taglist (let me know if you want on or off) : @cauldronblssd @teddyhoneybear @tele86 @mybestfriendmademe @imma-too-many-fandoms @allyjoe755 @milswrites @shadowdaddies @zenkindoflove @landofpetrichor @secret-third-thing @bookwormysblog @mal-adaptive-dreams @daycourtofficial

The secret behind Aya’s power was the extra eye in her mind. Whether they were simply visions or she had some connection to another place, she did not know. But either way, she was born seeing things that no one else could.

Aya had discovered another world, visible only with closed eyes or when she let her vision go hazy. It was a place where wards and spells were visible things, overlayed on top of reality. She could see the building blocks of the universe, the materials that made up the world. And she could reach out and touch them. They were hers to fix and break and manipulate how she pleased.

After years of observing people and the things that they were made of, she came to understand that they could be sorted into three categories. Sewn things, woven things, and things to be fired in a kiln. The first three people Aya had known were one of each. The first memories to exist in her mind were ingrained with their imagery. Her mother, a tapestry. Her aunt, a quilt. And Thesan, a vase.

It took nearly a decade of life for Aya to understand that no one else saw things the way she did. No one else had another realm materialize when they closed their eyes. No one else healed by patching those quilts, stitching down loose threads, or filling cracks in pottery with veins of shimmering gold.

There were many, many times when she wished that she had never spoken about it to anyone. She could have learned sooner to close her eyes and not let anyone see the golden light that shone when she used her power. She could have taken less time to understand that she was different. Or maybe she could have been born knowing that she was not the same as everyone around her.

But it was too late for any of that. Her life had already been molded by her differences.

In truth, using her power was easy. So easy that it scared her. Sometimes an extensive injury or a complicated spell would draw a sweat from her brow, but even then she could go for days if she wanted to. The store of energy within her seemed endless. She had never experienced burnout, or ever been close.

There were so many terrifying truths lying underneath the lid she kept on herself. Her morbid curiosity, the things she could do, how much she was capable of. She never dug too deep, never once in her life testing the limits or possibilities. She could not bring herself to. She would not let herself become a thing that destroyed.

The fear that others carried around her was tangible. Whispers of witchcraft followed her everywhere - apparently her mother hailing from the continent was suspicious, with less known about the origins of their magic. And Aya's own tapestry was stained with the echoes of her mother calling her a liar, holding deep grudges over the discrimination that Aya had brought upon her family. There was no shortage of things that had made this existence difficult.

But on days like this, no matter how much she hated it, Aya thrived.

⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆

The battle had seemed so endless. The shouting, screaming, and clashing of weapons were a constant song, and Aya did her best to tune it out as she ran from bed to bed, cleaning, bandaging, and healing wounds. Her ears rang, desperate for a moment not filled with terrible noise. Her muscles ached, begging for her to take a break. But there were always more buckets to haul, more soldiers to drag to safety, more wounded to heal. She ignored every protest of her tired mind and aching body as she splashed through the mud, dodging arrows and swords, zeroed in on whoever needed helping.

She also ignored the magic within her that sang, thrilled to be used and stretched and tested. It pushed her body to keep going long after she had reached her physical limits, always restless and desperate to be let loose. But she would only ever release as much power as she needed to do her job well. Never any more.

Even still, Aya was always the last standing, the glow of her healing still going steady when all the others had used their last sparks. In class, this earned her jealous looks and accusations of cheating or witchcraft. But of course today, there was nothing but murmured thanks and praise. Aya ignored those, too.

At last, dusk fell like a funeral shroud, covering the silhouettes of broken bodies littering the battlefield. All of the gore blissfully hidden in the darkness. The sky could not, however, hide the sound of suffering and grieving of those who still lived, reaching toward the heavens in desperate tones.

Now, it was an effort to keep her head upright as she sat beside the High Lord of Night, her hand hovering over the gash in his arm. Rhysand, even with his weary eyes and the grime caked into the lines of his skin, watched her heal with a keen interest. If it was a different time, and her heart felt a little lighter, Aya may have asked him about it. Maybe he knew something that she didn’t. But right now it was taking too much focus just to stay awake.

When she closed her eyes Aya was stitching silver stars into a quilt, each block made from a different shade of night. Slightly darker shapes made up the subtle outline of a city, constellations hiding in same-colored thread here and there. It was lovely work, the stars twinkling and shimmering, the night sky velvety soft beneath her fingertips. It did not take long for his arm to be healed. With eyes glittering like the thread she had just held between her fingers, Rhysand thanked her and swaggered off to find his mate.

Truthfully, Aya liked him. Often, she came away from a healing session feeling as though she had read the person's soul front to back like a book. And in Rhysand, she liked what she learned. He was deeply kind, very clever, and generous. She knew without a doubt that his story of Under the Mountain was true. She could see the scars within him, like rips and tears in the quilt that he had tried to fix himself. Some were smoother, aided in their mending by his loved ones. He did not know how lucky he was to have them.

Of course, there were dark patterns in the fabric of his being. Shadows much deeper than others seemed to carry. But that seemed to be a burden bestowed upon all of the High Lords.

Aya liked the Night Court general, too. She had healed Cassian many times over. At first she thought it was recklessness and it was an effort to bite back on her lecture about looking after himself. But she learned, upon closing her eyes, that it was all deliberate. Calculated. It was not carelessness, but devotion. He would take shots and blows for others as often as he could, his shouts and commands ringing out louder than the din of battle. In his mind, he had not done his best unless he was nearly falling apart.

Healing Cassian was like knitting homespun wool yarn. Each stitch snug and precise, marled grey and white like the Illyrian mountains. The colors were so solemn, the material so practical, but the finished product warm and comforting. That seemed to sum him up. He always had a grin and a wink for her, always a genuine thank you and some absurd compliment. He was consistent, always, like the woven pattern of his being.

Over the course of the battle, Aya collected those images, like a scrapbook of the people around her. She mended seams, knit and wove, spun thread, molded clay. Every once in a while, she was too late. The knitting had too many missed stitches, too many loops had come loose and it all unraveled beneath her hands. Every time, she mourned with her whole heart. Grieved until it hurt.

If she kept her eyes closed, tuned into that other realm, she could watch the soul depart this world. Always drifting toward the sky like a wisp of smoke. The first handful of times she had witnessed it she had not been able to look away, frozen in place by some terrifying curiosity. Or perhaps it was the desire to see them off, on the chance that her guidance could provide one last comfort.

But she did not like to watch it anymore. It would show up in her dreams that night without fail, always with her hands reaching and that soul slipping through her fingers despite her efforts. Today, she did not need to give her nightmares any more material to work with.

⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆

Aya did not see Eris until the battle was over. The possibility of seeing him here, of seeing the worst, had haunted her every moment since she had arrived with the rest of the healers. She never had the heart to scan the lifeless bodies for his pale, freckled face, but she also feared that she would be the last to know if something had happened to him. There was a long list of people who would take priority first.

It was a strange thing, the aftermath of battle. The air was thick, relief and mourning twining together into something heavy and difficult to breathe. Celebratory laughter and singing clashed with the solemn sounds of funeral rites and grieving songs. Metal clanged as armor and weapons were moved and cleaned, soldiers lay resting wherever they could before the journey home.

Among the chaos, a glint of red captured Aya's attention and she turned to see Eris striding across the field, armor glittering in the sun and that crimson cape billowing behind him. Her breath caught in her throat as he pivoted and his russet eyes locked on hers. The relief was immense, almost painful as she drowned in it.

Even so, she was prepared to see him turn the other way and pretend he hadn't seen her, as he had done at the High Lord's meeting. And she would be content, just knowing he had lived. But he did not look away. Eyes growing wild, he turned on his heel and rushed toward her. He pulled off his gauntlets and let them thump to the ground, hands reaching for her face the moment he was close enough.

"Sparrow," He murmured, turning her head back and forth to look for injuries. He took in her tired eyes, swiping a thumb over the purple bags and lines of dirt. "I was afraid I'd find you here. I'm so glad you're alright."

Aya was speechless, staring up at him with her lips parted as she searched for words. She was still confused, her thoughts snapping back and forth between lingering anger and relief to see him. Her skin burned under his touch, under the eyes of those that watched them as she could practically hear the gossip forming on their tongues.

"I never got to apologize," He said in a rush, his voice hoarse. He paused, tongue darting out to wet his chapped lips.

Aya’s head throbbed. She did not have room for this in her mind, today. Not for the memories of their last conversation or for whatever game he was playing now, looking at her like she was the sun when anyone could see and overhear his pet names.

Her mind was still reeling from these last days, trying to process everything she had seen and heard and felt. There had been no room for hesitation and no place for her fear, all anxiety barred from her body so as not to weigh her down. Now the fear and pain rushed back in, like predators reclaiming their territory and she was nothing but a vessel for the conflict, barely holding herself together.

So, Aya let her gaze drop from his eyes and fall to the grass, breathing deeply in an attempt to placate the beasts threatening to tear her apart.

Eris watched, and she missed the understanding dawning on his face as he studied her trembling form. He swallowed the dozens of things he wished to say and put aside his desire to extinguish the nightmare that had haunted him since the High Lord's meeting. Later. He could say it all later.

As her eyes trailed back upwards, they snagged on Eris’s hurt knee, blood dripping between the plates of armor on his leg.

"You're hurt," She said, unable to resist despite her tiredness, "Let me heal you."

"Alright," He was still for a moment as he considered protesting. But right now he'd do anything to lift even a fraction of her burden, so he picked up the gauntlets and followed after her.

She led him to a quiet tent, only a few others inside, resting or bandaging fellow healers. A few heads turned at the Autumn heir, tall and regal. And then their stares flickered to Aya, the black sheep of the Dawn Court leading the way for him. She ignored them, as she was developing quite the talent for.

"Sit," She murmured, scurrying to find a clean rag.

Eris obeyed, sitting on the edge of a cot and removing the armor from his leg to reveal his bloody knee. He watched her trembling hands, chest aching as he imagined what she may have been through. The memories of his first battle had stayed sharp through the centuries, the desolation still so heavy after all this time.

"Aya," He said when she’d returned, keeping his voice soft.

Taking the supplies from her hands and setting them aside, he reached out and took her shaking fingers in his, gently pulling her in to stand between his knees. He rubbed his thumbs over her icy knuckles, grimacing at the dried blood under her fingernails. His power was nearing the dregs, but he still willed a bit of heat to the surface to warm her skin.

She looked up at him, such sorrow in her grey eyes, and when her chin wobbled, it broke him. Aya was strong and brave and could do whatever she put her mind to. But he would still choose to keep her away from this place, too full of death and hurt and blood.

"You did well, today," He whispered.

They stayed like that for a long moment, Aya standing in the shelter of his body, absorbing his heat and all the comfort he tried to emanate. This time as she closed her eyes and took deep breaths, Eris's warmth began to wash away the terrible things she had seen. The ways she had failed. The lives that had slipped into the afterlife while she had no choice but to watch.

The burlap tent dimmed the sunshine, beams of light sneaking through ripped holes in the fabric to dapple Eris’s skin. Between those golden spots and his whiskey-brown-sugar scent, Aya could almost pretend they were somewhere else, under the canopy of the Autumn forest.

"Thank you," She murmured. Her eyes fluttered open and Eris let out a breath, relieved at the return of the steadiness he'd grown used to.

Heaving a deep sigh, Aya grabbed a cloth and began to wipe the blood from his skin. With the tender moment passed, the silence between them was heavy, charged with unsaid things. It did not help that the air was filled with the tang of blood and the cries of the injured.

Aya tossed the bloody rag into a bucket and closed her eyes once more.

Through the darkness, shapes began to emerge, that other world coming into view. Searching for his essence, she found the woven texture of Eris's tapestry. It appeared before her in all its loveliness - a gorgeous scene of Autumn woods, adorned with thread that shone like rubies. She had seen it a dozen times by now, but she was always captivated by it's beauty. By the secrets hiding between the threads.

She desperately wished to know the meaning of all of them. The hounds and the maple leaves were clear enough, but what of the birds and the chess pieces and the interlocking pattern cleverly hidden in the leaves of the trees? There were stories in all of them, pieces that made Eris who he was. Her hunger to know them had never lessened, and she was beginning to wonder if it ever would.

The section that needed fixing was interlaced with gold, and Aya found herself already equipped with a length of gold thread, wrapped around her forefinger like it was a spool.

She went to work, filling the gaps in the images and stitching down loose threads. Her magic eagerly rushed to the surface, still energized and ready. Its endlessness reminded her of the time of daily faebane doses to keep her powers from being revealed to Amarantha. The memory was bitter on her tongue, the horrid taste of faebane like a vengeful ghost.

At least now, she did not have to rush. There were no rows of beds waiting for her help. It was just Eris, patient and calm and not in any danger.

There was just enough golden thread around her finger to finish the job. But as she tried to find the end of the spool and tie off her work, she found it had wrapped in a loop in the exact place her golden band should be. Pulling on the string revealed it to be as unmoving as Edana's ring, as if it were attached to her skin. Aya tugged her hand back but the thread pulled tight, attaching her to Eris’s tapestry.

Again, she pulled, but it did not budge. A pulse traveled back down it, sending a tingling feeling through her hand, as if the tapestry had tugged back.

What was this? This was like no healing she’d ever experienced. Once more, Aya yanked as hard as she could, and heard Eris make a choking sound in front of her.

Her eyes snapped open. She was met with the image of Eris, his brows furrowed in confusion, a hand resting on his armored chest. Aya's heart stuttered, her throat closing with her rising panic. Time seemed to slow to a stop, and through the blood rushing in her ears, she heard his heartbeat. Her own echoed, calling back like a songbird.

"What's wrong?" she whispered, afraid of the answer.

"A chest pain," He said, and he shook his head, any suspicion clearing from his mind. He was oblivious.

Aya could not breathe. She closed her eyes again, willing her lungs to fill with air, and she could still see that golden thread, bridging their tapestries. She dared not pull it again, not with Eris right in front of her.

Had she done that? Had she made it herself? Was she that powerful, that she could forge a bond with her own hands?

"Are you alright?" Eris asked, eyes flicking back and forth between hers.

She ignored him, thoughts whirling faster and faster. She couldn't look at him anymore. His gaze burned, burned like fire and it hurt. The space between them was painful and her body was crying out for her to close the gap, to weave every thread of herself together with his and become one.

“I need you to go,” Aya swallowed hard. Eris opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off with an unconvincing smile and added, “I just need to lie down.”

He stared at her for a long moment, anxiety written so clearly in his eyes. It took all of the strength Aya had left not to tear away from his gaze, not to let tears rise to the surface and his hands wipe them away. The magnetic draw pulling her towards him only aided in confirming her suspicions and furthering her panic.

Finally, his lips drew into a tight line and he nodded.

“Please take care of yourself,” He said, slotting the armor back into place. At the entrance to the tent, he gave her one last glance before returning to the field.

Aya managed to wait until he had left to let the tears fall, dropping slowly to her knees and bending to let her forehead rest on the edge of the cot. What had she done?

She hadn't meant to do it. She had only been trying to heal him. Oh gods, had she trapped him, by accident?

All at once, everything that she was not flooded her mind. He deserved someone better. Someone less strange, someone people weren't afraid of. Someone smart and gorgeous with a mind for politics. Someone from Autumn, who Edana would love and welcome.

Trapped trapped trapped hammered against her skull in a steady rhythm. What had she done? Selfish selfish selfish.

She cursed her power over and over. It was not possible. It could not be possible.

And yet, she felt empty, her body acutely aware of his absence. The thread itched, begging her to chase after him and be closer. She had dreamt of a mating bond before, in the way that most young people did.

But this did not feel like a rose-tinted daydream come to life. This was another nightmare.

______________________________________

p.s. there is a metaphor in here that was especially fun to write if you can find it I'll give you a prize 👀

[maevecrom]

Do you guys ever think about what Rhys was thinking when stuck under that mountain being r@ped, tortured, and abused night after night?

How badly he missed Velaris? How he knew he’d never see it again? How he’d never see his IC again? How’d he’d never be able to visit that cabin and have the annual snowball fight with Cass and Az? How he latched onto that small memory of the music they played downtown to keep himself from breaking? How Amarantha’s face would be the only thing he saw when he woke up and fell asleep?

Because I do… a lot…

[bookbitchx]

Can we take a second to appreciate how Tamlin dragged Beron by his neck from his Autumn Court fortress?

You can never make me hate this man.

[motherfeyre-archeron]

"It'd be an honor to spend even a moment in the company of Feyre Cauldron-blessed."

- Rhysand. High Lord of the Night Court.

[tothestarsinvelaris]

Elain's story is to choose the direction of her life, to choose who she loves and wants to be with, to be in control of her own story.

She's the one who always sat back and followed the rules and expectations set for her. She's the middle sister who was never really focused on because Nesta was full of fire and fight and a protective nature, and Feyre was determined and independent and stepped up to provide for their family. Elain was always in the middle, always trying to keep the peace, always doing what was expected of her and trying to avoid conflict. She was the one expected to attend balls and marry a prince for political gain and never question anything. She was coddled and babied. She's never had the chance to make her own choices. The one time she did, she got engaged to Grayson - and then that got ripped away from her. She got thrown into the cauldron, was immediately told that she was mates with Lucien, rejected by Grayson even though she had no choice in the thing that made him hate her. (reasons i dont think they were actually in love, but thats a whole other convo)

It does nothing for her character arc and development as a person to give in to 'fate' and fall for Lucien. Especially since the more she opens up, the closer she seems to be with Azriel.

Azriel needs light, sunshine, warmth and to be chosen despite what everyone else wants.

Elain needs to follow her heart, to choose someone despite what is expected of her.

[bldhrry]

A Court of Passion and Daydreams

Chapter Seven | How Did It End? Azriel x OC!Reader Masterlist

word count: 5.7k

warnings: cursing, sexual innuendo, perpetual sadness, suicidal ideation

author's note: sorry this took me longer to do; work was super stressful last night and i immediately went to bed. feedback is appreciated! / theme of the chapter inspired by "How Did It End..?" by @jswizzlewrites

Azriel had been waiting for her at the restaurant, his broad back facing her.  She practically skipped in and touched the back of his head, planting a kiss on his cheek.  

“Hi handsome.”  She whispered.

A deep chuckle rumbled his chest and he lifted his head, grazing his lips along her jawline.  “You’re late.”

“I took a nap.”  She said sheepishly.  He started to roll his eyes but she grabbed his shoulder.  “But,” she beamed, “I got you something.”  She placed a gift bag on the table and sat down across from him.

He gave her a skeptical look and took the bag in his hands; his shadows saw the gift first and started to swirl around him in excitement.  It was a silver chain.

“I know it's not much, but I saw you looking at it the other day, and I don't know I just thought-”

He cut her off.  “I love it.”  He blushed and bit his lip.  “Thank you.”

She shrieked and clapped her hands.  “Okay good.  I was worried you wouldn't.  I know you're not materialistic, but I just thought it’d look nice on you.”  Her face flushed.  In all honesty she had spent the past week imagining the chain over her face as he buried himself in her and grabbing it to pull him to her and connect their mouths.

She brushed the thought away and watched as he put the necklace on, adjusting it around his neck.  Gently touching it, he smiled and said thank you again, giving her hand a tight squeeze.

They ate dinner and went home together, swinging their arms as they walked.

“Celestia?  Celestia!”  She blinked and saw Nesta kneeling in front of her.  She was gripping her shoulders and her eyes were wide with worry.  “What happened?”  Her eyes searched Celestia’s for any sign of life.

Celestia focused her eyes on Nesta, exhaling.  She looked around slowly, her eyes adjusting to the dimness of her apartment.  She hadn’t noticed the sun had set.  She looked back at Nesta and furrowed her brows.  “I don’t really know,” she murmured.

Her voice was completely broken and distant, like she was not actually present.  Nesta could tell she hadn’t really processed what happened.  She put her hand on Celestia’s cheek and sighed, grabbing her hands and squeezing them.  Her face was dry and cracking from the tears and her eyes were bloodshot.

Nesta and Cassian had just returned to the House when Azriel flew in.  His shadows seemed to have doubled in size and they laid stagnant around him resembling a blanket.  He moved through the House, towards his room, slowly not meeting Cassian or Nesta in the eye when they greeted him.  They both could see the tears on his face and they exchanged a look: something had happened.   Before they could question him, Azriel slammed the door of his room and they began to hear thuds and crashes as he destroyed it.  

He was angry with himself for what he had done, but he had no choice.  Lovers or not, she deserved more and he was just not that.  His chest hurt so bad he felt like he would faint and his heart hurt so bad he feared it would stop entirely.  He could barely feel the tether in his gut, its glow was barely existent as the time apart from her grew longer.  He felt like something in him had been physically removed and he clutched his chest, taking deep and unsteady breaths.

Cassian didn’t bother to knock on the door as he let himself in, stumbling back at the sight before him.  Azriel’s furniture was strewn across the room, all of it broken.  “What the fuck?”  Cassian breathed and Nesta peered behind him, gasping quietly.

Azriel had his back to the pair and he turned around slowly, still clutching his chest.  His eyes were wild and the hazel that decorated them could barely be seen for his pupils were blown; he looked crazy.  Cassian repeated himself asking what happened but Azriel couldn’t hear him through the roaring in his ears.  His body was failing him, his soul was leaving him, but he could do nothing but stand there with his fists balled up at his sides.  Slowly, he raised his eyes and locked eyes with Cassian, his shadows had nearly engulfed his form and Cassian took a small step back.

“What did you do?”  He gasped.

Celestia hadn’t spoken a word to anyone in three days.  The Inner Court took turns visiting her in the apartment; they would sit with her on the couch and talk about their day or their plans or the latest gossip they had heard.  She never responded or took her eyes off her bedroom door.  She studied the way the grain of the wood moved around the door; her eyes traced the lines up and down and side to side, never once hearing a word that was said to her.  She felt bad she couldn’t engage, but something had been taken from her and she wasn’t sure how to move forward.  She was missing something integral to her being that made it so she couldn’t function; she couldn’t breathe or think or eat or sleep and it was wearing her down.  

The day he left, she had thrown up immediately after.  She laid on the bathroom floor screaming and crying, hugging her knees to her chest.  If she didn’t know any better she would’ve thought someone had ripped her heart out with their bare hands.  She knew who: he had.

“Rhysand and I are trying for a babe.”  Feyre said.  “We haven’t told anyone; you’re the first to know.”  

Celestia’s pointed ear turned towards her and her head soon followed.  She gave Feyre a soft smile and glanced between her stomach and her face.  “I’m happy for you Feyre.”  She was being genuine. 

Feyre beamed at her and Celestia envied her happiness.  She was able to go home to a male that was genuine in his affections for her, not someone who hadn’t truly cared.  She balled her fists at the thought, her arms shaking slightly.  Had any of it been true?  She was angry; she had wasted three years of her life that she could’ve spent doing literally anything else.  None of it made sense to her; they spent an appropriate time together, they had sex regularly, they had deep conversations, and they displayed their affections.  What was missing?  What signs had she missed?

Feyre noticed her agitation and reached her hand out to touch her arm.  “I’m so sorry.”  She was.  Imagining Rhysand being taken from her made her entire body shudder and she would start crying uncontrollably.  She knew heartbreak and heartache and she empathized with Celestia’s sorrow.  The rest of the group were trying to push her to do things to occupy her time and avoid what was inevitable: her coming home, alone, and falling to pieces.  Feyre insisted she just needed to be alone and to be with company that would keep their distance.  Feyre wiped a tear from her face and sniffed; oh how she wished she could do something for her.

Nobody saw Azriel for the next few days, but Cassian and Nesta heard him as he continued to trash his room.  The noise of things being thrown and breaking masked the noise of Azriel’s sobs and screams.  He was miserable and felt like his spirit was fighting to leave his body.  He struggled against it, grasping onto the memories of her.  Every time he thought of her and her smile and laugh his gut would hum and he felt at peace.  But then he remembered what he had done, and it would go away and his violent crusade would resume.

Despite it all, he didn’t forget his duties to his Court.  The day of his weekly meeting with Cassian and Rhysand, he got ready, going through the clothes that were thrown about his room.  

Cassian was surprised to see him at breakfast.  He hadn’t eaten any of it, just pushing the food around on his plate.  Cassian greeted him but Azriel said nothing.  He had tried speaking to him for the past three days; he would knock on his door, a plate of food in his hand and beg him to open the door.  He would pleadingly remind him that he needed to eat and he should talk about whatever happened between him and Celestia.  

“I’m sure you guys can work it out,” he kept repeating every time he would knock at his door.  This made Azriel even more angry and his only response was to break something else.

They flew in silence to Rhysand’s Manor.  Azriel wasn’t even worried about what lay ahead; he hoped Rhysand would kill him.  When they entered the office, Rhysand had his chin on his hand, staring into space.  He looked up from his trance and he narrowed his eyes at Azriel and scowled.

“What the fuck happened?”  He growled.  

Nesta had been the first to go to Celestia’s apartment and find her in a catatonic state.  She had figured out the separation from the look on Azriel’s face and demanded for Cassian to take her to Celestia’s.  Finding her on the table, Nesta had tried to rouse her, shaking and rubbing her face, but Celestia made no move to react and despite being moved she never took her eyes off from the window and the view that laid ahead.  Nesta left Celestia after an hour, seeking help from Feyre.  Rhysand had been out of the house and Feyre went alone.  She fought back a sob when she looked at Celestia; her face was gray and her eyes were lifeless.  Rhysand simply shook his head when she told him the news.

Azriel’s eyes were tired and emotionless as he met Rhysand’s stare.  Absent mindlessly, he shook his head.  He couldn’t bear to say it because if he did then it would make it more true.  It would cement what he had done.  Slowly, he moved to his seat and took his time to sit down.  Cassian did the same, eyeing him and Rhysand all the same.

They all sat in silence for what seemed like hours.  Cassian glanced between Rhysand and Azriel, Azriel stared at the floor, and Rhysand glowered at Azriel.

Azriel broke the silence by clearing his throat and shifting in his seat.  He bit his lip, willing the tears to go away.  He took a breath and let it go.  “She’s my mate.”

Even though it was just Cassian and Rhysand in the room, an audible hush spread throughout the room.  The two couldn't help but gape at Azriel whose eyes remained on the legs of the desk and his face was blank.

Rhysand kept opening and closing his mouth to speak, struggling to find the words.  Cassian didn't even try to speak, he just kept staring at Azriel with wide eyes.

“She’s…” Rhysand started and then flexed his jaw, cracking it.  “You’re mates?”

“Yes.”

“And you left her?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”  Rhysand was losing his patience.  Not only did he know that his sister had been in absolute shambles for the past three days, but Azriel was not being cooperative in sharing information, and he was still considering the promise he had made to Azriel three years ago.

Azriel clicked his tongue and pulled himself up, straightening in the seat.  He looked at the males, his brothers, and let out a quiet sigh.  

“I think it's a mistake,” he said softly.  “I don't think we should be mates; I don't deserve her or deserve to be her mate.”  His voice stayed quiet during his confession; it almost sounded like he was talking to himself.

The words hung in the air and Rhysand couldn't help but feel sympathy for his brother.  He knew exactly what he meant.  Every day he felt and knew in his bones he didn't deserve Feyre; she was too good for him and this world, but yet she chose him again and again and again.  Nothing could come between them and everything they had been through reflected that.  The only gripe Rhysand had with Azriel’s statement was the fact that he had left Celestia.  Rhysand couldn't even fathom leaving Feyre; the thought seemed incomprehensible for him to even consider.  The day Feyre died, Rhysand had felt it in him and he had fallen to his knees and couldn't find the strength to breathe; he could feel her slipping away and the pain was as real as someone punching him.

“If you're mates, then how did you…”  Cassian’s sentence trailed off and he gave Azriel a puzzled look.  Cassian, like Rhysand, knew what Azriel was saying and maybe even sympathized more.  Cassian was a brute and uncoordinated and crass and Nesta was, albeit a bitch at times, poised and calculating and incredibly intelligent.  Never in his life could he imagine his mate to be someone worthy of a crown.  But, like Rhysand, he had never considered leaving her.  In fact, when she had disappeared into the Cauldron he became physically ill and thought he was dying, his entire body twitching and jerking like he was the one being Made.

Azriel knew what Cassian was asking: how did he leave her?  How did he break her heart and still remain sane?  How was he even managing being away from her for so long?

“I don't know.  Everything hurts and I am so angry, but I know this is the right thing to do.”  Azriel’s chest heaved and he gripped the arms of the chair, the wood creaking under his hands.  “You've seen what I’ve done.  You've seen me brutalize people and kill them without asking any questions.  She's too good for me.”  He could feel his entire falling world apart as he spoke, his crimes becoming too real for him to handle.  “I love her, I’m in love with her you have to believe me,” he pleaded with Rhysand, extending a hand, “I’m doing this because I love her.” 

After a few moments of silence Rhysand spoke.  “Does she know?”

“I don't think so,” Azriel sniffed.  “I don't know if it ever clicked for her.  I don't even know if she feels the same.”  He choked out a sob.

“She hasn't said a word to anyone in three days, Azriel.  I think she fucking does.”  Rhysand fought the urge to smack him; he was being ridiculous.  An Illyrian baby as Feyre would say.

Azriel shook his head in disagreement.  She was probably just upset like anyone else would be in this situation.  Had she felt the same, wouldn't the bond snapped by now?

“How long have you known?”  Rhysand looked at Azriel, his gaze contemplative.  As angry as he was about what Azriel had done, he found it difficult to be entirely angry with him.  Azriel had always had self doubts and insecurities and it was only a matter of time before they showed themselves, but he just didn't picture it happening in this way.

“A couple of months.”  Azriel revealed and the males in front and beside him looked at each.  

So Azriel told them as vaguely as he could about the time during sex when he felt the tug that he was so familiar with become real and sneak its way to her.  

“Probably your orgasm,” Cassian pointed out.

Rhysand rolled his eyes and groaned, drawing out his name.  “Cassian.  Please.”

Cassian just shrugged and Azriel continued.

“I always have this strange feeling when I'm around her like we're tied together and if she is too far, it grows tighter and I have to go to her.”  

Cassian and Rhysand exchanged a knowing glance.  

“Before it never went anywhere, it just seemed to move throughout my body, but that night I felt it come out and go to her like it was a physical rope.  And then at the dinner with Lucien when I sat next to her the entire room sounded like it was buzzing and the only thing I could hear, feel, and see was her.  She asked me to sit with her and I wasn't the one that got up by myself, like something made me do it.  And that's when I knew.  Everything seemed to fall into place all at the same time and like I was seeing everything for the first time.”  Azriel let out a sigh as his eyes moved about the room remembering the night.  

It felt yesterday when he was sitting next to her with his arms draped across her shoulders and her head on his chest.  It felt like yesterday he was watching her as she was leaning over the railing and looking into the Sidra, watching the fish swim.  It was only the other day when he looked her in the eyes and told her that he didn't want a relationship with her anymore and that it was time for them to move on and find other people.

“She always looks beautiful, but that night she looked even more so.  Her body looked like it was glowing and her smile made my chest,” Azriel pointed to himself, “hum like it was singing a song.  She was like something I made up in a daydream.  I can't explain it but I just knew she was my mate.”  He cried as he spoke, ringing his hands together.  His horrible hands; he hated himself for touching her with them.

“Don't tell her,” he whispered, looking up with glassy eyes.  “I don't want her to know; especially if it hasn't happened to her yet.  I don't want to force her to be with me when I know she hates me.”  The thought of her ever looking at him without love made him feel sick.

Cassian agreed.  He knew this was business between his brother and now his mate.  Plus, what good would he be doing in meddling in their affairs?  He didn't see any positives that would come from forcing her to be his mate.

Rhysand took his time to think.  His sister needed to know the truth and he was sure she would forgive him if she understood the entire situation.  But he was worried what would happen if she was told; she could either accept and forgive and all would be well, she could accept but never forgive or love him the same which could kill them, or she could reject him effectively signing a death sentence for them both.  His sister had a mean temper and a tendency to hold onto a grudge and he wouldn't put it past her to enact that on her mate.

“I don't think it's fair for you to decide what's best for her.”  Rhysand finally spoke after minutes of silence.  “I know how you feel because I feel that way about Feyre even after all this time together, but what you may think is best for her may not be what is actually best for her.  What if you are what she wants?”

Azriel shook his head.  “No.  I know this is the right thing to do even if it hurts and I feel like I’m going to die.  She deserves to be with someone who can give her more than me.  I am too damaged and too ruined.  No,” he repeated, “it can't be.”

Rhysand sighed and gave Azriel a sad look.  Nothing he was going to say would change his mind. 

It had been a week and Celestia was finally eating without being prompted.  The Inner Court still took turns visiting her, but soon the amount of visits dwindled until it was just Rhysand bringing breakfast and the Archeron sisters taking her out for lunch.

Mor left for Vallahan, giving her a kiss on the cheek and promising to be back soon.  Cassian found it difficult to be there knowing the truth, so he occupied himself with training Nesta, Emorie, and the Priestesses.  Amren visited periodically, but found herself too angry with Azriel to give Celestia the peace she needed. 

Rhysand kept his promise to Azriel and he and Cassian made it a point to not tell either of their mates.  

The sisters had taken Celestia for coffee and a sandwich, now strolling through the town square window shopping.  Celestia walked ahead of the group, peering at the displays every now and then.  The sisters walked with their arms entangled with each other's, a few feet behind her.

“How do you think it ended?”  Elain asked.  She always liked Celestia and felt sorry she was so sad.  She missed their baking sessions and piano lessons.

“I don't know but I hope that fucking bastard dies.”  Nesta snapped.  Celestia was the only one to look past Nesta’s many transgressions after she was Made and pushed for a genuine friendship.

“Nesta don't say things like that.”  Feyre chastised her sister.  Feyre knew this wouldn't last; she had seen the pair together too many times to know that this was their real ending.  Azriel adored Celestia and despite his stoic appearance, he softened in her presence and her presence only.  She knew that Azriel didn't think highly of himself and she figured it played a part in the demise of their relationship.  She just hoped he would accept that Celestia was willing to take him for all that he was.

She looked lost as she walked aimlessly around the shops.  She had no end goal in mind, no point in which she would stop and decide she's had enough and she needed to go home.  She would walk the entirety of Velaris if it meant not going back to her apartment.  It reeked of Azriel and he had accidentally left some of his things.  She couldn't bear to be inside; it made her skin crawl and every time she breathed she felt nauseous.  The tether in her stomach would rouse when she would pad around her home, pulling her in the direction of his scent or to the table where his notebook was laying or towards the front door where his shoes still sat.  She hated it but she didn't have the energy to do anything about it and she was scared too.  She was scared that if she cleaned him away from her mind and body and home that he would disappear altogether and she wouldn't remember the past three years.  She would forget the way that he looked at his reports, scribbling notes here and there; or forget the way he would sneak into her bed after she'd already fallen asleep and hold her like he would never let her go; or forget the way he looked at her with pride when she fought in the ring.  

Lost in thought she stumbled on a loose rock and caught herself on the railing of an outdoor dining area.  She stood there, catching her breath and silently cried.  She remembered it all and she feared she would never forget it.

Once Feyre’s pregnancy was announced, Celestia moved into the Manor.  Rhysand had become overcome with obsession of keeping Feyre and the babe safe, banishing almost everyone from the house.  Everyone except Celestia who was the only one trusted enough to be with Feyre with and without the shield.  They spent their days lounging around the house, reading and responding to inquiries and congratulations.  She accompanied Feyre to her paint classes, the only outdoor event Rhysand allowed.  She never painted, but watched the class.  She loved art but the only mode of it she was remotely good at was playing the piano.  She enjoyed the classes though; the way the children’s faces would light up as their imaginations came to life and the way Feyre seemed to beam with confidence as she overcame her trauma with each brushstroke.

The further along the pregnancy went, the less public outings they had.  Feyre was becoming too tired to even walk more than 10 feet and the risk of an early birth due to the babe’s wings was too great to even risk it.  So, the pair would sit in the living room talking, crying, gossiping, reading, or playing the piano.  Feyre was a great friend in Celestia’s grief; she let her cry and wail and moan about the loss of Azriel.  She told the same sob story over and over; how he left, how she didn’t understand why, how she couldn’t understand how he seemed so aloof, and how it physically pained her to be away from him.  Feyre listened to it all, holding and rubbing her back until she stopped and asked to switch topics, apologizing for her dramatics.

If Feyre was too fatigued to talk, she would ask Celestia to play the piano for her.  She had learned it as a child, her father pushing her to learn at least one lady-like thing, he had said when he visited the camp and saw her sparring with Rhysand.  He wasn’t opposed to the lifestyle and even wanted her to be close to her Illyrian side for her mother would’ve wanted it, but he knew she would never be truly accepted and figured she should occupy her time with something else when the rejection of being a warrior inevitably came.

The melodies she played were dark and haunting, but beautiful all the same.  Forfeiting the sheet music she had learned over the years, she toyed with the keys and made her own music.  Listening to the dying hum in her gut she translated it to match the language of the keys, alternating between sharps and minors.  Later she would back the melody up with words that made Feyre have to continuously wipe tears from her eyes.  Her pain and longing and yearning for her lost, beloved ghost echoed the walls of the Manor and all in the house would stop and listen, pitying the female but always waiting for more.  The more she sang, the more they understood.

Despite her outward appearance of talkativeness and smiles, Rhysand still heard her weep in her room when everyone had gone to bed and pace the long, empty halls.  She struggled to keep food and drink down and when nobody looked, her eyes would become hazy as she recalled whatever memory haunted her that day.

Feyre had been taking a nap, when Rhysand walked into the sun room, finding Celestia wrapped in a blanket, staring out the window.  He walked up to her and squeezed her shoulder in silent greeting and kissed the top of her head.  She didn’t move, her gaze still transfixed on the ocean waves that were crashing onto the beach.  He silently took a seat beside her; she would talk when she was ready.

“I think I am going to die Rhysand.”  Her voice was barely above a whisper, but he could still hear the agony.

“Why do you say that?”  He looked at the beach too.

“My spirit is dying and my soul is begging to be released.  I can’t fight it anymore.”

Now, he turned to look at her.  She had been at the house for 6 months now, Azriel had left her 8 months ago, and yet her cheeks had not gained their previous fullness and the bags under her eyes were dark and hollow.  She had become slender overall, and her usual tan and radiant skin was gray and tight around her bones.

“Why does it hurt so much?”  She looked over at him, tears silently falling down her face.

He searched for an answer and even pondered telling her the truth, but instead he reached over and grabbed her hand, stroking his thumb over the top of it.  

He sighed, “because you loved him.”

She cried out.

Azriel had not been faring any better.  He had returned to his dark and brooding nature, barely speaking a word to anyone and when he did he kept his answers short.  He watched and listened from the outside, observing everything but never letting anyone know.  He was angry and sad and desperate for an escape of the anguish he felt coursing through his bones.  The only answer was going back to her but he would be doing it for himself, and not for her for being with her would ruin her and he needed to preserve her.

He still attended training, silently instructing the females on what to do and what to not do.  She came too, never missing a session.  Usually they would work together and train the Priestesses, but now she had moved to work with Cassian, Nesta, Emorie, and Gwyn.  He hated being so far away from her.

The female trainees all knew what had happened; they could see it written in the air as they avoided glances and getting too close to one another.  The energy was somber and wet with suffering.

“Did you hear?”  Gwyn practically squealed.  Nesta and Emorie looked at the red head.  “They called it off; they’re not together anymore.”

Emorie looked at Celestia and Azriel.  The former was gathering swords and daggers for the next section of the training and the latter was still with the other Priestesses, reviewing the proper foot stances to have during combat,

“So?”  Emorie didn’t understand what the other female was getting at.

“So,” Gwyn dragged out, “he’s single.  You know I’ve liked him for a while now, but they were together and now they’re not.”  She said matter of factly.

Nesta narrowed her eyes at her friend and sneered.  Triumphing over the failure of a relationship was not admirable and said as much, making Gwyn’s face flush with embarrassment.  Despite the floundering with Nesta, Gwyn was not undeterred from her new found mission to court Azriel.

Celestia had seen Gwyn’s interest in Azriel grow from the day the news broke.  She wasn’t stupid and knew the incessant questions and excuses to be near him, touch him, or have him touch her were not because she actually needed to know or be shown something.  Since the day he left, she had no energy to damper her power, so it flowed freely behind her, vibrating with strength and shaking the ground she walked on.  It was an excuse to hide herself from him, not that she thought he would be looking anyway.  But as she watched him hold her waist while Gwyn successfully acted like she couldn’t straighten her back and point her feet the right way, her shadows became darker and thicker and thunder boomed across the ring despite the clear skies.  She didn’t look up, she just kept organizing the weapons station, then the supplies station, and then the drinking station, her power growing more and more agitated.  Her heart was pounding in her chest and she felt like she couldn’t breathe as she kept watching the scene before her unfold: him holding her waist, her moving in front of him trying to position herself in a fighting stance, and when they were done she grabbed his hand and bowed in thanks.

“You seem to be getting a bit hot headed there Princess.”  Cassian remarked, filling the pitcher with water.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  She snapped and another roll of thunder could be heard across the ring.

Cassian just snorted and shook his head.

Everyone was watching her but she didn’t care.  Let them learn who she was and what she was capable of: the half High Fae, half Illyrian princess of the Night Court; the first female to enter and win the Blood Rite; the Killer of Sons.

“This is not a good idea,” Celestia muttered while watching Cassian arrange the obstacles around the ring.  Azriel hadn't been there for training and she was glad for it.  Every time she thought she was starting to feel better, with one look at him or a whiff of his scent she would spiral like it was the day he left her all over again.  She was trying to find purpose without him but her spirit had died and she couldn't find anything to keep her motivated.  The only thing that helped was the routine of the training sessions.

“I just want to show Devlon and the rest of those bastards that they're wrong about females not being and to train and fight,” he grunted as he moved a rubber mat.

“He's going to make you regret it.”  She was standing with her arms crossed casually moving in between the obstacles, observing them. The one he was setting up was the same one she did that qualified her for the Blood Rite. 

"You do this and he'll think they can do the Blood Rite, which you know they can't.  And if they get called in there's nothing any of us can do about it.”

He said nothing as he laid out a rope ladder.  “Doubt it.  They're terrified of Nesta and then there's the rest of us,” he gestured around.

She rolled her eyes.  “If I can do it then they will think they can.”  She pressed and Cassian waved her off.  Idiot.

Azriel landed moments later, but Celestia had felt him before she had seen him.  The air became thick with static and she felt the hair on her arms rise.  Her gut hummed and glowed slightly and she found herself humming along, angling her head towards the skies.  She walked across the ring following the tether all while scanning the clear, blue sky for him.  There; he was circling the ring dropping lower and lower to make for a smooth landing.  Her wings twitched and she smiled, closing her eyes and letting the sun wash over her face; maybe just for a moment she can pretend it never happened and he will swoop down and greet her, kissing her like he always did when he came home.

She felt a rush of wind behind her as he landed, his wings flapping to steady himself.  She turned around and they locked eyes but he quickly looked away with what he thought was shame and what she thought was indifference.

They finished the obstacle course and she surveyed it, nodding her head slowly.  

“Same one as your’s Princess,” Cassian clapped her on the back and grinned.

She rolled her eyes.  “You think they'll beat it?”

“I hope so.”

[the-darkestminds]

Lucien is so charming that Feyre forgets she’s supposed to hate him and has trouble holding on to her anger. Elain doesn’t stand a chance 😮‍💨

[stargirlfeyre]

So do Nesta fans who come at Feysand for flirting in the library because it was “disrespectful to the SA survivors there” also keep that same energy with Nesta who invited a SA survivor into her home that reeked of sex?