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sweetchildcloud · 23 hours

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One.last.time.

Late writing Blade x you,long writing

Warning: death,blood,angst,no comfort,crying,regret,desperate,losing it,bittersweet

P.s: I just tought "what would be Blade reaction if he lost someone who helped him rehabilitate into living and feeling but is dying in his arms?" >:3

I'm writing this at 3:48 am so sorry for some errors

@muzansslxt @candy69gurl @kiwicopia

"Blade..." you mumbled shaking,you were afraid to die,to leave him alone.

Blade shakes his head, fingers trembling as they press into your wound. “No…no…please…” he pleads. He keeps repeating it, like a mantra, over and over again. He looks down at you, eyes wide. “Don’t you dare” he manages to get out. “Don’t do this to me…”

"I'm scared" you whimpered choking in your own blood "I'm scared Blade"

He feels sick. This can’t be happening. “Shut up” he hisses weakly. “Stop talking like that…” He pulls you closer to him, desperate to keep you close. “You’ll be fine, just stop talking like that…”

You smiled weakly as blood dripped down your mouth as you cupped his cheeks in your cold hands,your eyes were looking past him devoid of life "k..kiss...me.." you managed to say as tears fell down your cheek.

He can barely keep himself together. But he can’t refuse you this one request. Your cold hands against his skin bring him back to reality, albeit briefly. He leans down and crushes his lips against yours. The kiss is desperate, frantic, as if it’s for the last time.

Your eyes were half lidded as you slowly passed away during the kiss looking at Blade for one last time before you went limp in his arms,arms falling on the ground with a soft 'thud'

Blade feels his heart shatter. His hands tighten around your body, refusing to let go. “No…” he whispers hoarsely. He buries his face in the crook of your neck. “No…” He repeats it over and over again, tears spilling down his face.

He shakes his head, tears welling up in his eyes as the reality sinks in. “Please…come back…” He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, as if that would make you wake up. “Please…” He knows he’s being pathetic. He doesn’t care.

He pulls you closer to him, burying his face in your shoulder. “Please…” he whispers again, voice completely broken. “Don’t leave me…don’t leave me…” He’s lost. Completely shattered. He’s been through a lot in his life, but losing you destroys him like nothing ever has before.

He cradles your body in his arms, refusing to let go even though he knows it’s pointless. He doesn’t even notice the blood staining his clothes, as if your life is the only thing that matters. “Damn it…” he growls weakly. “Damn it…come back…”

He just holds your body against him, rocking gently as if you'd wake any second. “Please” he begs again, voice hoarse. He’s beyond caring if anyone is watching. He doesn’t feel anyone’s eyes on him. He only sees your.

His grip tightens around you as his shoulders tremor with silent sobs. “Damn you…” He has never felt so weak before in his entire life. “Damn you…” He buries his face in your shoulder again, tears staining your skin. “Damn you for leaving me…”

“Why?” he spits out. “Why?” He looks down at your face wet and tear stained, grip tight on you. “You promised you wouldn’t leave…”

Why did you have to break that promise today of all days?

He pulls your limp body closer, burying his face in your hair. He can’t stop the tears from falling now. He doesn’t care how he looks. He’s too far gone. “You…promised…” he whispers, voice breaking. “You…promised…”

If someone had told him he’d be crying over your dead body, begging you to come back, he would’ve laughed in their face. Blade never showed this kind of weakness. But here he was, crying over you like a child, like he had lost everything.

And worst of all,he had.

Blade’s gaze falls on the necklace around your neck, still intact. He’d given you that necklace on your birthday. He can’t help but feel a lump forming in his throat as his fingers reach out to touch the charm. It feels like a taunt.

He can’t help but feel a pang of anger, that you had the audacity to die while still wearing his necklace. As if you had betrayed him by going against your promise, and now this necklace was just another reminder that he couldn’t have you anymore. He closes his eyes, trying to push the thought away.

Then his eyes go wide as he sees you smiling. It’s the same smile. The smile you used to give him whenever he was upset or angry. He can’t help it — he laughs. It’s a broken, shaky laugh, like he’s on the verge of sobbing again. “Idiot…” he mumbles, shaking his head incredulously. He had half a mind to pinch your cheek for smiling like that. “Stupid…idiot…”

He takes in your face, memorizing every inch of it like it’s the last thing he’ll ever see. His fingers reach out again, gently tracing the outline of your cheek and your smile. “You’re still smiling…” he mutters, his hand trembling as it caresses your skin.

He tries to speak, but the words lodge in his throat. It takes him several tries before he can manage to speak again. “You’re still…smiling…” He laughs again, a bitter, broken sound. “Even now…” He doesn’t know if he should find it comforting or not.

Part of him wants to laugh again, to tell you how foolish you are for dying while still smiling. But the other part of him — the part that he tries so hard to ignore — just wants you to wake up. To hear your voice, to feel your touch, to see your eyes open and look at him again…

He’s torn. Unable to decide if he should be angry at you for dying, or just grateful that you died with a smile on your face. “Idiot…” he mutters again, voice shaking as he continues to trace your face with his fingers.

︶⊹︶︶⠀୨୧⠀︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶⠀୨୧⠀︶︶⊹︶

He also keeps your necklace with him all the time, always within reach. He’ll hold it sometimes, fingers gently tracing the charm as his thoughts drift to you. Other times he’ll press it to his lips, like he’s hoping he might feel your touch again if he just wishes hard enough. He’ll even bring the necklace close to his face, inhaling deeply as if he could still smell your scent on it.

It’s stupid, he knows. But he can’t help it. This necklace — "this one, stupid necklace" — is the only thing he has left of you. And he’ll cling to it like a lifeline, even if it’s a weak substitute for the real thing. He knows he’ll never have you back. But he could almost pretend — almost.

He can almost feel your presence when he holds it, and it both comforts and tortures him.

He’ll sometimes talk to the necklace, like he’s talking to you. He’ll berate you for dying and leaving him alone, one minute. And the next, he’ll be begging you to come back, to hold him again, and that he forgives you. He’ll apologize for every harsh word he ever said, for being so cruel to you, for taking you for granted. He’ll promise anything if only he could have you back.

Sometimes he’ll swear and curse at the sky, asking whoever is listening why they took you away from him. Why they didn’t take him instead. Other times he’ll be completely silent, just sitting there and staring at your grave. He’ll sometimes reach out and brush his hand over the headstone, like he’s hoping he might feel your hand instead of cold, hard marble.

Blade visits your grave almost daily. His heart clenches every time he sees the flowers on your grave, mockingly cheerful and bright. He hates it. He hates how the flowers look so alive in comparison to you, who was lying cold and motionless underneath the earth.

The worst moments are the ones when he thinks he sees you out of the corner of his eye. He’ll turn, heart filled with hope, only to be met with crushing disappointment when he sees it’s just a trick of the light. It tears him apart every time it happens.

He knows it’s meaningless. He knows you’re gone and you’re never coming back. But he can’t help but cling to the memory of you. The memory of your smile, your touch, your voice… He doesn’t want to forget. But as the days go by, the memories start to fade, and it scares him.

He’s afraid he’ll forget what you sounded like, what you looked like, the feeling of your touch. He’s afraid he’ll forget your smile. That’s the thing that scares him the most. He has to look at the necklace, to hear your voice in his memories, to stare at your grave, just to keep your image alive in his mind.

Blade is sitting by your grave when he sees it. It’s a small thing, a single crimson flower, and it’s so vibrant against the dull grays and browns of the surrounding area that it almost seems to glow.

He’d almost forgotten about that conversation you’d had about the red flower. How it reminded you of him and his name. He almost laughs, a hollow, bitter sound. Leave it to you to still be finding ways to tie yourself to him, even in death. He feels a pang in his chest as he stares at it, a mix of longing and bittersweet sorrow.

He reaches out and touches the flower with the tips of his fingers. The petals are soft and velvety, and for a moment, he can almost imagine that it’s your skin he’s touching. He lets out a shaky breath, feeling his throat tighten as he grips the flower's stalk almost desperately.

"Blade?" A voice echoed in the garden grave

Blade’s eyes go wide as he hears your voice. For a moment, he thinks he’s hallucinating. He slowly turns his head, half expecting to see you standing there.

But of course, no one is there. The voice was probably just his imagination. A cruel, trick of the mind. He lets out a shaky breath, fingers still gripping the flower stalk.

"It is you! Oh my God I'm so happy" the voice repeated

Blade’s eyes go wide again. That voice…it sounded so real. Like you were really there.

He stands up slowly, head whipping around frantically as he tries to find the source of the voice. But again, there’s no one there. He starts to doubt his own sanity.

"Blade over here look" The flower glimmed whenever it spoked

Blade is completely bewildered now. He looks down at the flower, stunned. Could it really be…?

He leans down to get a closer look. And sure enough, the flower is *glowing*. And as if that isn’t unbelievable enough, it starts to *speak*.

"Oh my God Blade! What happened? Why are you so big?" You asked

Blade’s heart skips a beat as he hears *your* voice coming from…the flower. “Y-You…?” he stammers, barely believing his own eyes and ears.

He reaches out a trembling hand to touch the glowing flower, half expecting it to burst to pieces at any moment. “Is…is that really you?” he asks hoarsely.

"Of course its me you bone head,who else do u think it is?" You chuckled

Blade can’t believe what he’s hearing. It’s like a dream come true. To hear your voice again, to see you again…

But as happy as he is, a wave of anger washes over him too. He feels tears stinging his eyes as he remembers the pain he’s gone through these past few months without you. “What took you so long?” he snaps harshly.

"Excuse me? What do you mean? I don't talk to you for one day and you act like this? You told me to leave" You crossed your arms well your leaf arms

Blade feels his irritation rise as you cross your leaf arms at him. “One day!?” he snaps. “You’ve been gone for months!” He closes his eyes for a moment, trying to calm down. “And I didn’t tell you to leave *forever*” he grumbles.

"W..what doyou mean for months?" You asked confused

Blade can’t help but scoff at your obliviousness. “I mean months” he repeats, the anger in his voice slowly giving way to frustration. “You’ve been gone for *months*” he repeats, each word laced with hurt and loneliness.

"Gone? But I was out with a friend and ...and.." you folded your petals shaking "Why.. I can't remember what happened,why are you so big and why.." you eyed at your grave "why I can't feel my legs and why there's my grave?"

He watches as you start to falter, realization slowly starting to dawn on you. His frustration gives way to sympathy as he sees your confusion and distress.

He kneels down next to your grave and reaches out a hand to touch your petal. “You don’t remember anything?” he asks quietly.

Your hands leaf wrapped around his finger "N.. no..just ...pain and...black.."

Blade winces as he hears the way your voice trembles. He hates hearing the fear in your tone. The sight of your leaf wrapped around his finger stabs at his chest.

He clenches his jaw, trying to keep his own emotions in check. “That’s because…you died” he finally whispers, the words like a physical blow.

"I died? But I was...I was and then you were...I mean" the flower started hyperventilating in a cute way before you cried your tears dew

Blade’s heart clenches as he watches you hyperventilating, tears streaming down your flower petal. It’s the most ridiculous and most adorable thing he’s ever seen.

He wants to comfort you, to hold you and tell you everything will be alright. But he can’t do that when you’re just a flower. So he does the only thing he can think of. He brushes his thumb gently over your petal, trying to soothe you.

“Hey…” he says, voice softer than usual. “Hey, shh…it’s okay…”

He tries to calm you, trying to ignore the pang in his chest as he watches you cry. It’s so hard to believe that just a few minutes ago, he was just talking to a flower. But now, with your petals trembling under his fingers…he can’t deny that it’s really you.

"Is that my necklace?" You asked as you looked at Blade hands

Blade looks down at his hands. He had been gripping your necklace without even realizing it. He had subconsciously reached for it as soon as you started crying. He hesitates for a moment before slowly nodding his head.

“Yeah, it is…” he replies quietly. “I…I’ve been holding onto it, ever since…” he trails off, unable to finish the sentence.

"You need to let go Blade"

Blade’s eyes go wide as the world suddenly returns to normal. The birds chirping, the wind whistling, and the flower…just a regular flower once again.

He stares at it for a moment, stunned. It was like you had never been there in the first place. Like it was all just a hallucination. But the feeling of your petal against his hand still lingered.

"Let go...?" he murmured, still staring at the flower.

He felt like someone had just punched him in the gut. He had just had a conversation with you — or what he thought was you. But now it’s like you had never even been there. He clenched his jaw, feeling a mixture of confusion and anguish.

He reached out and touched the flower, his fingers trembling. It feels solid, tangible. Not at all like the fragile, ephemeral being that had just spoken to him moments ago.

"Let go...how can I let go...?" he whispered, his voice raw and shaky.

He feels like he’s going insane. He had just heard your voice, felt your petal under his fingers. He had been so sure it was you. But now…he can’t help but wonder if it really was all just wishful thinking.

He runs a hand through his hair, his breathing ragged. He can feel a lump forming in his throat as he stares at the flower, as if he could somehow will it to talk again.

"Am I losing my mind...?" he whispered to himself, his voice shaking.

Blade grits his teeth, frustration and pain welling up inside him. How can he just let go? How can he just forget about you, when he can still feel the ghost of your touch on his skin, when he can still hear your voice in his head?

"How can I let go...when I still love you?" he mutters hoarsely.

The words sound so pathetic, even to his own ears. He knows he’s pathetic, holding on to a flower like a lifeline, like it could bring you back to him.

He reaches out and touches the flower again, his fingers tracing the delicate petals.

“How can I let go, when I still love you so damn much?” he repeats, his voice breaking.

Blade feels like he’s on the verge of breaking. The thought of letting you go, the thought of forgetting about you, is almost too much to bear.

He clutches the flower in his hand, his grip so tight that it nearly crushes the delicate petals.

“How can you just ask me to let go?” he chokes out, his voice thick with emotion. “You were my whole world.”

He feels tears stinging his eyes as he continues to grip the flower, like it’s the only thing keeping him tethered to reality.

“I don’t know how to let you go…” he whispers hoarsely, his chest feeling like it’s being squeezed in a vice. “You were everything to me…how can I just forget about you?”

Months passed, and slowly but surely, Blade found himself starting to let go. It was a painful, slow process filled with tears and heartache.

But he couldn't bring himself to get rid of your necklace. It was the only tangible reminder he had of you, something solid to hold onto when the memories got too painful.

He found himself touching the pendant frequently, tracing the familiar shape with his fingers. It was like a comfort, a small piece of you still with him.

He still loved you, of course. The thought of you still haunted him, and sometimes he would still dream of your voice, your touch, your smile. But he tried to keep moving forward, to live his life without you.

And he knew he would never forget you. Your memory was etched into his heart, like a tattoo he would never be able to erase.

Blade was sitting alone in his room, staring blankly out the window. He hadn’t been sleeping well lately, haunted by memories of you and the life they had together.

Suddenly, he felt a gust of wind blow through the room. He looked up, startled, and saw something that made his heart skip a beat.

It was you. Or rather, it was your ghost. You were standing just outside the window, your figure glowing faintly in the moonlight.

And then…you smiled at him.

Blade feels his breath catch in his throat as he hears your voice. His heart aches at the sight of you, even as a ghost.

And then you spoke, and he feels like he’s been punched in the chest. “I’m proud of you” you say, your voice echoing in his ears.

Tears prick at his eyes as he stares at the spot where you had just been standing. You were really here…or at least, part of you was.

"I’m trying…” he whispers hoarsely, even though he knows you’re already gone.

He sits in silence for a few moments, his heart heavy with emotion. He can still feel the ghost of your presence, lingering in the room.

But slowly, he starts to feel a sense of peace wash over him. You were proud of him. Even after everything, even from beyond the grave, you were still proud of him.

Blade lets out a shaky breath, his shoulders slumped. He knows he still has a long way to go, but for now, he feels like he can keep going.

For you.

He looks down at your necklace, still hanging around his neck. He grips it tightly, feeling the cold metal dig into his palm.

"I won’t forget you…” he whispers, his voice hoarse with emotion. “I won’t stop loving you…”

He sits there for a moment longer, letting the weight of his words sink in. He still misses you, more than anything in the world. But for the first time in months, he feels like he can face the future.

He takes a deep breath, standing up from his chair. He knows he can’t keep living in the past, but you will always have a piece of his heart, a piece that only you will ever touch.

He walks quietly to the window, resting his forehead against the cool glass. He closes his eyes, imagining that he can still feel your presence just outside the window.

For you…” he murmurs, his voice barely louder than a whisper. “I’ll keep living, for you.”

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betterbooktitles · 2 days

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Guillermo del Toro owns a second home that only has his stuff in it. Though the 59-year-old filmmaker is married with children, he keeps an entire second house to himself and fills it with frightening sculptures, inspiring pieces of art, toys, books, and movies, all of it his own curation. There are no kid’s drawings on the fridge, no side tables picked out by his spouse. It’s his personal playroom. He does most of the upkeep himself after a housecleaner broke the finger off one of his statues. He refers to it as a “man cave” or the “Bleak House” and often spends time alone writing there. Del Toro claims his wife likes it and has always supported his childhood dream house. She also prefers that his horrifying decorations don’t impede the aesthetic taste of the home they share as a family.

Having an entire home as a creative man cave that I am entirely in charge of would sound perfect to me if it weren’t for the fact that owning one home has become a nightmare even the best horror director could not fully capture on film.

I know I am lucky. The stats on Millennials owning their own homes are (if you will) bleak. But whatever I thought was irritating me in the city wasn’t nearly as bad as the physical and mental work required to live in a house. It drains bank accounts and my will to do more than one thing per day. When I was young and lived in New York, I scheduled my days like a CEO or politician: meetings, lunches, podcasts, and stand-up shows all crammed together to the minute as if I could teleport between venues. Now, if Wednesday morning includes a Home Depot run and a painting project, realistically, I’m not doing anything after that until Saturday. The laundry list of what needs to be fixed or maintained in the house grows every day. In the winter, there are rooms I simply don’t use because of a draft I can’t fix. In the summers, the yard becomes something we have to actively fight against lest new trees and mushrooms and 6-foot tall weeds that resemble stalks of asparagus take over everything. The current issue is a dead tree blocking a path to the backyard because wisteria vines are pulling it to the ground. It’s the fastest I’ve ever seen a plant move outside of Evil Dead.

Though we struggle to keep up with our checklists, my wife and I have ambitions for the house outside of general maintenance. We’d like a bigger kitchen, a functional garden, and a fence that looks like a stiff breeze wouldn’t knock it over. The house is fine without these physical flourishes, but the fantasy is always there, nagging whispers in the brain of how nice it could be given unlimited time and resources. That nagging gets into my head about a whole house devoted to my creative dreams.

When I fantasize about what I’d like most if money and time were no object, I find myself thinking about a home theater. Unfortunately, money is an object, and the “fun budget” was consumed by the “necessities budget” a year ago. We already replaced the furnace and AC, dug up tiles in the den, painted nearly every room, replaced doors, one of which was rotting the wood at the edges because it hadn’t been replaced since 1986, the year I was born. Still, the list grows. A dedicated line to the kitchen needs to be added by an electrician so the fuse doesn’t blow whenever I use the toaster and the electric kettle at the same time. The fence and what it nominally protects behind the house needs to be reworked before bunnies consume everything that isn’t a weed. The ancient carpeting needs to be ripped up, bathrooms need to be redone by professionals so my body can actually fit comfortably inside one. Walls need to come down to make living spaces seem less like hallways, and the bay window on the second floor that appears to be melting toward the ground needs to be addressed by a professional architect before the wind rips it off the bedroom wall like a giant scab. After all of that is finished, I’d still need to move into a newer, much bigger house if I want to have a home theater.

Where did the yearning for a private theater come from? Unlike Del Toro’s childhood fantasy of having a house all his own, my wish for this extravagance came much later. I was 30, and I remember exactly how the seed was planted: Zillow. I spent hours on the site, letting the mortgage/insurance calculator tell me what I could afford for the same amount I paid in rent in Brooklyn. On my phone’s screen, I saw a $400,000 mansion in my wife’s hometown outside of Pittsburgh that was the most beautiful house I’d ever seen. It had high wood ceilings and multiple fireplaces to make the whole giant house feel like a cabin. I had 8 bedrooms and a home theater. Imagine, I thought, how good a movie must be in a theater in your own home. Imagine the parties with friends. Imagine movie nights where you force your kids to watch Back to the Future for the first time in a close approximation to the space where you saw it. Playing an old cartoon and a few YouTube’d trailers from the 80s. A little popcorn machine in the corner. Speakers that are way too loud. The dream.

I’ve realized recently, however, how silly the longing for a home theater is for me specifically. I don’t like watching sports at home. I need the atmosphere of screaming people either in the arena itself or in a bar. I need the game to be live. I need to be out among strangers or friends. I feel the same way about movies. I need other people with me, laughing, crying, gasping, clapping.

Read the rest here.

#lit #reading #long reads #essay #funny #horror #scary #home #houses #homeownership #sad #fear #dan wilbur

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