large-penises-sporting-goods - Tumblr blog

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This was fun! Tagging @boredkitkulover

this was so cute and neat thank u for tagging me @aspdsuicidal ^^ quiz

tagging: @maggots-in-the-drain @mischiefmanifold @toothdrop @abuzd @tearfulangel @wuppydoggy @katerina-khimera (and anyone else who wants to participate)

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Me when I do the bare minimum at work: I am the backbone of the store.

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The autistic urge to over share every piece of information ever with the customer I'm talking to for a solid 30 seconds (if that)

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nothing i hate more in the world when old people stare at me with their giant wet eyes (👁️👁️) and say a product without telling me hello, how are you, excuse me, etc. like im google or something

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Thanks for the tag @boredkitkulover !

Genre: all over the place tbh, I don't listen to a lot of music and when I do it's usually whatever song I'm craving on repeat

Shows: hazbin hotel/helluva boss (Elliott got me into them, I don't have much of an attention span for tv usually but I watch those for ✨bonding✨)

Colors: purple!!!!!!!!!! My hair irl has been purple for 1.5 years now

Characters: uh probably a lot, I'll keep it to splatoon and Stardew Valley since those are my obsessions rn. Splatoon: PEARL AND MARINA, Acht, Frye, Shiver, Captain 3, DJ Octavio. Stardew Valley: Abigail, Krobus, Elliott (the Stardew one not my irl man fakename. But yes that's where the fakename came from)

Musicians: Aurora (the one who collabed w sky children of the light)

Tagging @silentblog997 @overkonsumption if y'all wanna do this ^^

Moots Appreciation

Get to know the blogger!

Music genre : classic rock, punk rock, grunge, metal

Shows: ahs, friends, young Sheldon, happy tree friends

Colors: plum, black, dark red

Characters: Violet Harmon, Amy from adult world, coraline, Wednesday Addams (original)

Musician: widowspeak, mirah, baby bugs, Kurt cobain, kinks, Ramones, offspring, Beatles

Tagging: @ciggiestash @lak3cityqui3tpills @violetscardigan @violetharmonscigs @violetharmonsrose @0rfielvamp @necroseviolet @thewolveswithin @junglejim4322 @evanpeterswifeyyy @tatelangdonsweater @mlissyou @cxndiedvi0lets @candiedviolence @lesly1234 @ghostofyourmurderhouse @melocies @p4r4sit3-10v3 @hauntinggviolet @h6rmon @t4telangd0ns1ut @s0ph111e @giveuptheghosts @taintedarabesque @yoonally @earth2alease

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Hi people in my phone! I've been mia because I caught COVID, so no work means no work stories :(

But I'm here to bitch about corporate

I was SUPPOSED to return to work tomorrow, which after days of being stuck at home I am extremely desperate to do. This Tuesday, corporate called to say "we will send you an email on the 8th. Reply to it with your status so we can approve your return date."

Guess what I haven't received. I call, only to get sent to voicemail. At this point I realize it's Saturday.

Like, am I the idiot for believing them? Should I have gone "the day they said is a weekend so clearly they don't know their own minds, they will forget about me once they're out of the office so I should call Friday instead"? Would calling Friday even do anything, because they'd still be off work the day I need approval anyway? Idk I'm just miserable and tired and desperate

Also not really a huge fan of corporate forcing their underlings to collectively work 362 days a year* while the big guys get weekends free to ignore the needs of the people who are still working at their behest (or, in my case, trying to) but that's a rant for another time

*the store is closed 3 days a year, so the other 362 days there has to be some quantity of employees working. Added this clarification because I realized my original phrasing might not have gotten my point across

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Me when I rate broken plastic hangers on a scale of 1-10 for how sharp ("stabby") they are

being on the register unlocks a diff level of bloodlust and rage in me

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One day I was bored so I read the reviews for the store I work at. Someone complained that "the person at the front was too lazy to help me herself, and called someone else to do it instead." Sir? No? You think we can leave the Computers That Contain Money unsupervised? Use your brain. Do you even have one.

customer: can i have someone help me with [insert product across the store]?

me, needing to watch the register: sure! i'll send someone over to help you. :)

customer: but there's no one over there.

me: ... uh yeah, i'll send someone over.

customer: i didn't see anyone over there.

me: Yes. That Is Why I Will Be Using My Walkie To Send Someone Over.

customer: 🙂 there's no one over there 🙂

me: 🧍‍♀️

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In honor of pride month, imma bitch about "totally not homophobic" coworker Winston

Context: Winston is absolutely insufferable as a coworker, but great with customers. (Most of the time... I heard he once got in an argument about the Vietnam war with a Vietnamese immigrant. And was proud of himself for this.) He's been investigated by HR for harassing Abby. She didn't have enough proof so the only consequence was that they're no longer scheduled together ever. He's moving to Greece soon, and this fact was the catalyst for our first negative interaction

Winston: yeah imma have to get all my USD converted to euro soon

Jane: oh yeah, I heard that the bills in Europe are a more plasticy feel? Not fiber-y like USD

Winston: yeah it's the same in a lot of countries around the world

Jane: I wonder why we don't have plastic bills?

Winston: well I don't like plastic bills. They're so fuckin' gay

Me, an out and proud bisexual, which Winston knows: ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ

Winston: I saw that look! Don't go thinking I'm homophobic, cause I'm not!

Me, pretending to be nice: lol yeah it's just a reflex atp, gotta be careful of who I'm around yk? Wouldn't want to be around people who dislike part of who I am

Winston: yeah but we've been working together for two years! If you think I'm homophobic by now, clearly you don't know me at all

Me: Winston...I don't know you. We talk about surface level stuff and our shared interest in atheism, and that's it ...

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let 👏 bisexual 👏 girls 👏 love 👏 boys

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Just say the weird thing!!! you will attract a crazy girl who wants to be your best friend.

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I have a running joke with sales guy Tyler, that whenever he makes a particularly eye-roll-worthy joke or double entendre, I say "I'm gonna need a drink after that one" and take a swig of my Gatorade.

Yesterday, I found a tally counter clicker on the floor of the store.

So I attached it to my lanyard and counted how many times I turned to (Gatorade) drinking that night at closing time

It was 11 in ~50 minutes

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Pitching this to the manager of the store I work at (we sell shoes)

for pride month i’m only selling GAY SHOES that have MICROCHIPS IN THEM to turn your KIDS GAY

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Being neurodivergent is funny

I will be a perfect retail worker in terms of work ethic, success, random ass bonding with customers, more than happy to have an organizing task, good with the consistent patterns of cashier work, etc

And then ill turn around and beg my manager to let me go home early cuz I did NOT do one of my finals

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Attention all shoppers, we hope you enjoy shopping with us and I would like to personally inform you of our new policy.

Anyone who is caught putting any food, full drinks, cups or any trash on store shelves will be hunted down and executed with extreme prejudice like the insolent beast they are.

Thank you and please and enjoy shopping experience.

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I realized today that i find customer service to be one of the easiest forms of socializing as a level 1 autistic person (provided the patrons/customers are nice, which they usually are where i work)

Customer service is purely transactional. Unlike a lot of the interactions you have with people like friends and family, the whole purpose of the interaction is that someone needs something from you

Someone comes to you with something they need, you help them, and when your done the interaction is over. It’s an interaction that has a definite purpose, a definite ending, and in my case a lack of any other conversation/small talk (i cannot initiate small talk with patrons and struggle to respond to it)

I enjoy helping patrons a lot of the time (like i said our customers are generally nice and i enjoy my job) though in a lot of other cases customers can suck, the whole structure of interacting with someone in a customer service setting works well for me as an autistic person

Another aspect is that it’s normal to be a teenager needing to learn customer service for the first time. Its less “normal” to be a teenager (adult in my case) who is still learning how to interact with friends. (Obviously most people are still “learning how to be good people/friends” into adulthood, but i mean still developing tween level social skills as an adult. Ive only recently got to the point where i don’t need my mom to proofread my texts to my friends, she still helps me with almost every work email)

but at some point in your young adult life you(a lot of people) start developing customer service skills, that’s “normal”. People understand if you’re my age and still learning it, and are willing to help you learn.

There are rules to customer service that are simpler and more concrete that other social situations. I don’t need to guess what kind of social situation i’m in, i don’t need to guess what the dynamic is. I am at work, i am interacting with someone who isn’t a coworker, i am in customer service mode. I am being polite and patient, i am listening to what the customer needs, i am using my skills and knowledge to do what they need, the interaction is over.

It’s clear(to me at least) when it’s happening, it’s structured, and it has a purpose.

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Y'all

Remember all the posts I've made on this blog that are just me simping for Elliott my coworker crush?

Well

HE CONFESSED FEELINGS FOR ME TONIGHT

LET'S GO BABES!!!!