#& the OG horn design is what won anyways! so i was right about the choice even if i can't always draw the horns properly

[legovasavouchi]

Dent & Bix, these were gonna be panels in a silly lil comic but I never quite finishes its

[closetofanxiety]

Show Review: Constitution State Wrestling

Last night,  I went down to beautiful Groton, Conn. (”The Nuclear Submarine Capital of the World”) with Mark, Mike, and Joel to see a show put on by an indie promotion that was totally new to us. It was, in many ways, a prototypical Local Indie Experience. Let’s count the ways:

National Anthem

This, in many ways, is the earliest and most significant sign that you’re attending a Local Indie as opposed to a National (For Lack of a Better Term) Indie (the national anthem might be played before a Shindie, too, but that’s another subject entirely). Local indies always make everyone stand up for the national anthem, national indies do not. The local indie maintains, at least in vestigial form, a connection to the idea that this is a sporting event, and sporting events begin with the anthem. In this case, the anthem was a pre-recorded instrumental track, but people clapped after it was over anyway.

Public Venue

Unlike a National Indie, which will be in a bar or a rock club or a private fraternal organization’s event hall or a Catholic church with an absurdly Catholic name (New York City national indies only), the Local Indie show will take place in a high school gym or a town hall or a rec center or some other building they can get with a discounted rental fee because of political connections. In this case: Ella T. Grasso Technical High School, a magnificent example of 1970s brutalist school architecture. It was an air-conditioned gym, though, which you wouldn’t expect on the Connecticut shoreline, so kudos to the Constitution State Wrestling folks for that choice.

Advertising and Local Celebs

It’s not a Local Indie without a program, and this show had a program listing the entire card, providing some detail on the two main events (there can be only one main event in reality but whatever) and listing all the local sponsors of the show. As a bonus, there were also signs leading to the venue that just said “Wrestling” with an arrow pointing vaguely in the direction of the school. I cherish these signs of Local Indiedom! There was also a woman from a rock radio station on hand, whose duties were limited to introducing herself and then, later, introducing the women’s match. It’s not a Local Indie without an appearance from a random local celeb: TV meteorologists, disc jockeys, mayors, and others are all perfectly acceptable. 

At Least One Wrestler Who’s in the Military

In our case, that was “The Soldier of God” Ronnie Ribbs, which is absolutely one of the best Local Indie names I’ve ever heard in my life. Ronnie Ribbs! “Soldier of God” is a little weird, though. Kind of a Taliban vibe there. Also, since that’s a lot of verbiage to put on your ring gear, that meant Ronnie Ribbs had the acronym “SOG” on the seat of his red, white, and blue trunks which, if you didn’t know what it stood for, could be a little embarrassing. Anyway, he was introduced as a soldier in the U.S. Army, always good for a patriotism pop at a Local Indie. Groton, though, is a Navy town, and when Ribbs was rolled up by opponent “Sensational” Scott Levesque with help from cheating heel manager “High Class” Rich Bass, a guy behind me said, “Just one more reason the Army sucks at everything.” 

Event Name That is Not a Cool Pop Culture Reference

Constitution State actually fell down on the job here, as this event did not appear to have a name at all. But a key distinction between a Local Indie and a National Indie is that the latter will usually go with some impenetrable hip pop culture reference (or, worse, just use numbers for each show, like they’re the UFC), whereas local indies are still committed to calling things, like, “Final Showdown” and “Summer Smash Up” and “Brattleboro Brawl” (Brattleboro local indies only) and, of course, “SEASON’S BEATINGS.” 

Random Ex-WWE/F Guy

In this case, that role was filled by Gangrel, who really should be getting some of the indie wrestling nerd attention being lavished on PCO. Gangrel is a blast to see live; he gets insanely into it, and takes bumps that are ridiculously bad ideas for a man of his age. He was in the main event here, and the crowd was pretty exhausted by the time it started, but he got them right back into what was really kind of a straightforward brawl with southern New England bad guy Trigga the OG, accompanied, of course, by evil schemer “High Class” Rich Bass, who I’ve never seen before. The crowd was NUTS for Gangrel. When he won, the pop was huge, although it was slightly disappointing that only Joel chanted “Fang and bang! Fang and bang!” Gangrel loved that though. He pointed to Joel and did the throat-cross-into-the-hook-’em-horns thing. 

Local Wrestling Academy Students’ Match

Often, this is a battle royal, but thank God that was not the case here. Instead, we saw Matt Taven trainees Joey Bones and Todd Harris, the latter working a “rich prick from Newport” gimmick. Both guys were decent, show real promise, and, notably, had really good gear. Invest in yourselves, aspiring wrestlers! You’ll stand out from the pack. 

A Comedy Match That Isn’t Funny

I like comedy wrestling. I know lots of people don’t, but that’s why they make different kinds of ice cream. However, there’s a Chuck Taylor/Orange Cassidy comedy match, and then there’s a Local Indie comedy match, which is basically like a Three Stooges short mixed with some inexplicable Attitude Era flourishes. In this case, it was the awesomely-named Necromancer (short, stout guy with Papa Shango face paint and no apparent ability to speak to the dead) vs. 2Buff w/ The Buffdad, a legitimate father and son duo whose gimmick is that they are not, in fact, buff, but that they constantly do that thing where they put their hands behind their heads and swivel their hips, kind of like a Chippendale dancer would do on an episode of “Designing Women.” Laughs were notably absent, at least from the four of us. Mercifully, this match was broken up by James Ellsworth, who was booked as a random ex-WWE guy but is now, once again, an actual WWE guy. What must he have thought, staring out at the 250 or so people in a high school gym, knowing that in three nights he’ll be facing Asuka on live national television in front of maybe 12,000 people. Anyway, Ellsworth issued an open challenge, and another classic Local Indie thing happened: some loud music hit, and a guy walked out to answer the challenge, but instead of the “Oh shit you gonna get it NOW” reaction from the crowd, there was puzzlement, as no one knew who the challenger was. It didn’t help that he looked like just A Dude in red basketball shorts and a white t-shirt. Later we would learn that he is Wildman Kongo and he would go on to have a bad match with James Ellsworth in front of a tired crowd.

Excitable Fans

Hot crowd, especially before the intermission! At the start of the lone tag team bout, which pitted Brutal Bob Evans and “Tough Tim” against two guys called Riot City’s Most Wanted who looked like indie wrestlers circa 2003, one young fan became so enraged at the heels that he jumped the rail, the first time I think I’ve ever seen that at a show. He was about 11, though, and his friends quickly pulled him back over, so we were spared the sight of Brutal Bob having to PROTECT THE BUSINESS by breaking a child’s jaw. Local indie fixture the Fogman was also there. He’s not really excitable, necessarily, but he’s a fan. We talked to him during intermission and, I mean, he’s an OK guy. He’s his own biggest fan, but what’s so bad about a little self-confidence?

A “Ladies’ Match”

Never a women’s match or just “a match,” on a Local Indie it’s always a LADEEEEES MATCH, the segregation compounded here by having the radio station woman do the only thing she did all night by announcing the competitors, Isana and Jawsolyn. The regular ring announcer was a rockabilly guy, complete with Rev. Horton Heat necktie and suede shoes. He was fine. Isana is a big lass but mobile and specializes in suplays, while Jawsolyn’s gimmick is that she is a shark. That should have gone over better in a coastal town, but people were mostly politely indifferent to this match which, in fairness, was slow and clunky. 

One National Indie-Caliber Match

Increasingly, the people who promote and book Local Indies are fans of national indie wrestling, or Japanese wrestling, or British wrestling, or what have you. In this, their tastes diverge from those of their fanbase, which mostly consists of normal, blue collar Americans who just want a fun night out instead of weirdos arguing about BOLA lineups on Reddit all night or people who will slash your tires if you so much as say a disparaging word against Kenneth Omega. To try to satisfy their own creative longings, the promoters and bookers usually put one match on the card that could be on the card of a PWG show or Beyond show or AAW show or whatever. This is normally received by the Local Indie crowd with the same quiet endurance 205 Live is received by WWE crowds, but tonight was an exception. Matt Cross and JT Dunn, meeting for only the second time ever, had a tear-down-the-house 20-minute match that had the good blue collar people of America’s Nuclear Submarine Heartland going absolutely nuts and bananas. This was, indeed, a great match, one of the best I’ve seen all year: neither guy worked heel, but both of them wrestled as though they were actually trying to win an athletic competition, which is rarer than it should be in pro wrestling. Dunn dominated the first half of the match by keeping Cross on the ground and softening him up with wear-down holds to try and create openings for hard strikes. In the second half, Cross was finally able to take to the air, and made his spectacular offense seem credible and devastating. There were, by my count, three “This is awesome” chants, a “Both these guys” chant, and a “Fight forever” chant. People LOVED this match. YOU SEE, VINCE? PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKE WRESTLING WHEN ok I’m not going to start with that. But it was nice to see a normal American wrestling crowd go nuts for a match that would not be out of place in Reseda or wherever the hell PWG shows are now.