#// tom wtf don't try guilt tripping him

[limetameta]

the funniest established lore as to why everyone lived until 1999 in Retired Prometheus that otherwise in canon shouldn't have being the fact that Death was just SO pissed off at Voldemort for being American in Montenegro that she put her entire job on pause to talk shit about him with Alexio . to date i don't think i'd be able to think of a funnier reason

Alexio, in the 50s: I have a proposition - let's just stab the shit out of him and beat him? You can possess me and punch him through me.

Death, in the 50s: That's just not GOOD enough, you know - I'm a perfectionist! (double funny when you realise that I HAVE TO METICULOUSLY PLAN EVERYTHING OUT GRANGER is this AU's Death)

Death in the 90s, not leaving Montgomery's sight and thus making him chronically cold: *glaring at him like that dog glaring at its reflection* I am going to kill you so bad. I am going to make you kill yourself, just you wait. Bastard. Cunt. Fucker. Irreverent asshole thinks he can split his soul so many times and NOT DIE?? YOU SLIGHT ME, FOOL? YOU THINK TO SLIGHT DEATH, DO YOU???

Alexio, in the 90s, whenever Death visits him: Can we please just stab the shit out of him?

Death, perfectionist,: Absolutely not. Something's fucking personal here and I'm going to kill him slowly. I am going to have his precious Abraxas kill him - he's already being prepped to unite all three of the hallows, lmao, that bitch ass is going to be so easy to manipulate.

Alexio: You're being convoluted for no reason. I know you're ageless and bored - but this can go simpler. We jump him. I dissolve his soul - fuck the horcruxes - and we stab the shit out of him with this shiv I've been making for fun since 1945. *shows shiv* *it's not a shiv* *it's a basilisk corpse he's been sharpening with another basilisk corpse*

Death: Pffft, noo. You're just not thinking about the BIG picture, Alexio!

Alexio: Are you doing your job? You know, taking the people you're supposed to take?

Death: I have an automated system that sorts the ones who die. *the system is broken as fuck - walburga tampered with it*

cut to when abraxas dies and when death offers him that like super obviously fake deal that oh NO NO SIR, TIS EVERYONE OF FAIRY BLOOD WITH A CHANCE TO RETURN - YOU JUST GOTTA SAY SO *abraxas refuses the deal, he's like sweet release of death i yearn for thee*

death: holy fuck holy shit my entire plan my entire meticulously crafted plan is in shambles!! he was supposed to return and end tom riddle wtf wtf wtf wtf !!!

alexio: again - again - i will keep bringing this up for as many times -

death: YOU THINK A STABBING IS ENOUGH??? FOR WHAT HE DID TO ME?!

alexio: there have been other people who have made horcruxes - take me for example-

death: OH BUT IT'S PERSONAL - OOOH BUT WHEN I LOOK UPON HIM I SEETHE I HATE I LOATHE I WISH TO DESTROY (when you're an ageless being who's lived from the beginning of the realm you kind of forget that you were once human and had actually MET tom riddle and gotten so attached to him and gotten SO FUCKED over by him while you were young once and impressionable - but my godd it must be the horcruxes, yesss, you seethe, you loathe, you hate him)

cut to death seeing walburga trying YET AGAIN to escape the after life : BITCH GO! GO! GO AND TAKE ABRAXAS WITH YOU!!!

abraxas is now a hallow holder - abraxas is now death's pawn

death's entire get tom riddle to fucking commit die hinges on abraxas malfoy being there to goad him on and guilt trip him into it OR kill him! it's poetic!

death: HE MAY HAVE RETIRED FROM HIS PUNISHMENT FROM THE GODS, OH BUT I AM NO GOD! I AM LIMITLESS POTENTIAL, ALEXIO, I AM BEYOND THE GODS!! PROMETHEUS, YOUR FATE IS MINE!

alexio: i fear this shit is going to go so badly for you my love

cut to abraxas almost dying on the island

death: FUCK'S SAKE! *grants him immortality as long as tom riddle lives*

narcissa kills alexio

alexio sees death for the first time, really sees her: o death how beautiful you are

death: *takes a milisecond to actually fluster* THE CHIPS ARE IN PLACE, ALEXIO, WE MUST MAKE HASTE I MUST HAVE ABRAXAS KILL HIM

alexio in the after life: babe what the fuck is this shit *looking at the broken system* you have so many people you haven't picked up??

death: fine! *arranges the grimmauld place battle* they'll do my job for ME!

i par down the cast from like 30 characters to 10 during that fucking arc

hermione dies

alexio sees hermione, sees that she's death, and just goes: oh yeah, no fuck, no, you can't die now *sends her on her quest* *hermione is like I AM SO PISSED OF RIGHT NOW AND THERE'S NOTHING THAT'S GOING TO STOP ME FROM RETURNING *SEES HARRY IS DUELLING VOLDEMORT* FUCKING SHITTTTTT NOO, IF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO HARRY I AM GOING TO ABSOLUTELY LOSE IT - THIS IS IT - THIS IS GONNA BE THE TRIGGER FOR ME GOING INSANE

death meanwhile is still very blinded by hatred of tom riddle, but now she's also possessing abraxas and it's a REALLY COMPLICATED PLAN AND SHE WISHES MAYBE IT WASN'T LIKE SO BUT SHE'S CLOSE - OKAY - SHE'S CLOSE - LOOK AT TOM RIDDLE HE'S SO FUCKING GUILTY THE BITCH THE CUNT HE DESERVES TO BE AFTER WHAT HE DID TO HER!! BOTH OF THEM DO!!

abraxas kills harry. tom riddle didn't stop him. hermione unites the hallows and frees death, frees herself eheheheeh. death, now free and unblinded from her shackles, takes a big ol look at hermione - whom up until this point was just some random girl to her: oh wow. oh my. would you look at that! this shit is getting cyclical! *takes out a note that she made all the way back in the day when she began being death, sees it's a giant circle* yeah, i finally get what this means! look at this shit! ha! and to think i almost had you killed for good because you're a time traveller and I DON'T fuck with those because what are you trying to do, huh, fucker, trying to go back so far in time that you become the creator of a whole ass realm? really bucko, you think i'm just gonna let you do that? oh wait i did that. ha!

hermione, meanwhile, fucking GRIEVING, for harry. that whole ass ending happening. her dedicating her entire life to trying to travel back in time, building up her tolerance for it. experiment after experiment dedicated to going farther and farther back in time until she finally does that thing and goes so far back that there's nothing there except for her. so she starts making her own world. and when the time comes that she meets tom riddle again, she's going to be so pissed off at him - and she's going to conclude it's because this punk ass bitch made so many horcruxes - because by that point harry potter and hermione granger will be names she won't even remember. plus i mean harry's eyes are killing curse green and that's a whole ass death motif so i imagine one of the first things deathmione did was craft death to be in the colour of her best friend's eyes.

[possessedtwice-blog]

plops himself besides tom on the couch. ❝ hope you don't mind i was hoping for a free front row seat concert. ❞

              Fixation that was once focused on his bass is suddenly drawn to the shift in cushioning of the couch, turning his head to be greeted with a pleasing familiar face. Smiling, there’s a soft hum of approval heard from his mouth without it actually opening followed by a nod. “ It’s not like I can play her yet, since she’s STILL broken. All because someone mistook her to be a spider killing weapon. ” A long pause to give Edd the idea that he’s still holding a grudge, wearing a smug grin before shrugging it off and going back to fiddling with the bass.

“ But that’s water under the bridge ! ”