#[ 'as long as no blood is spilled im willing to call it peace' and just this is his entire life. He was raised by and grew up in

[marinehero-a]

everytime i think ab garp i am just. so normal

[magnoliamyrrh]

-_- same with western leftists who will yell all day long abt killing the rich and torturing ppl and whatever else

how much u wanna bet most of these ppl have never had to genuinely contemplate killing someone in their lives. genuinely had to sit down and realistically think about it, the pros and cons. because ive had to. ive really had to. for years. particularly, my father. and i mean that seriously, ive thought extensively about what both taking human life is like, and what torturing someone would be like. and it cant be said he doesnt,,, deserve it per say, or that it wouldnt have bene fair to do so, especially in the context of doing so not just as revenge but mostly to protect other children from him. and if his daughter hadnt been stillborn, and i couldnt hsve adopted her or gotten her out, it is very likely id be in jail for murder rn if i wouldn't have gotten away with it

i aint saying peaceful revolution. my grandfather used to say, its not a revolution unless blood is being spilled. in rømania we killed causescu at the end. i aint saying opressed ppl dont have the right to revolt, im very much with malcolm x on this one. im not saying at all killing opressors or abusers makes someone as bad as they are themselves (torturing them tho,,,, hm?). im really not.

.... but i AM saying taking another human life is no small thing, and it chances you, and it does something to you, and it kills a part of youself when you kill someone else, and if you get used to it or even further if you relish in it and like it, yea, it makes you one step closer to what they are like

...... killing people,,, shouldnt not be glorifyied, and the vast majority of internet leftists have no clue what theyre talking about when they fantasize about killing, death, and torture. there is a certain glory, sure, in war and revolution and killing opressors and defending the weak. but it is always, more than anything, a horrid, horrid ordeal

dont call for death if you arent genuinely willing to be the one who swings the knife and live with it.

[loyally-unfaithful]

—; but “sentimental boy” is my nom de plume

word count: 1916

pairing: connor/gn!reader

genre: slight fluff; hurt no comfort

summary: it has been a year after the android revolution. humans and android alike settled down, an olive branch was offered as a sign of reconciliation. with newfound peace came along newfound love, and many open roads to choose from. this was no different for the rk800—connor. surprisingly or unsurprisingly, he decided to continue working at the dpd, this time as a bonafide detective. but he has also accepted the thrilling uncertainty of life that deviancy has brought; the same strings that brought his lover in his life.the same ones he hated and cursed, the same fates who ripped it all away.

a/n: everytime i convince myself i came out of my dbh hyperfixation i just look at connor and i become lovesick again.

gosh i know i should be finishing my other fic or work on the prologue script for my vn, but,,,,,,, i just had a sudden hankering for connor angst,,,,

written during a sleep deprivation induced moment of epiphany,,,,, (purple prose cuz im extra af uwu)

I’ve never written angst before so i’d love to hear your thoughts on it

maybe if you asked him one year ago whether he’d consider returning someone’s feelings, romantic feelings, he’d reply to you with a placid smile and a polite « i’m sorry, i wasn’t programmed to reciprocate romantic interest. ». he remembered that he’d sneer at them internally. now thinking about it, long before he questioned his obedience towards her, he already showed signs of deviancy.

you did what you were designed to do.

memories from his past would still torment him erratically, doubts would resurface on particularly dark days. but you were the light that cut through that haze. this wasn’t a “fake deviancy”. it couldn’t have been. not when he is holding your body so close to his, warmth radiating off of each other, two heartbeats—similar, but different—thrumming together. all the softly whispered and adoringly announced « i love you »’s; all the quick and coveted pecks and all the feverish and passionate kisses. no, he was alive, he was sure of it—alive and absolutely enamoured by you. all semblance of doubt ebbed away when you entered his life.

whenever he’s around you, he feels more alive: you make him feel everything, all the little precious things. tenderness and adoration when he shares tranquil mornings with you. he feels more alive when he’s with you, all the little habits and routines too endearing: the sweet post-it notes scattered over your shared flat; scribbled upon it are encouraging words or sweet nothings. conflicting work schedules meant that moments spent together were scarce, but that made them even more valuable and coveted. captivation, was another emotion that he felt around you. your mannerism, your dreams and interests, your physical attributes and quality of voice. logically speaking, you were just another human, insignificant in the grand scheme of things. you’d live and then one day, you’d die. as if you never really existed. but he wasn’t being logical. how could he be? when you were right there in front of him? you made him irrational, and he found that new aspect in life thrilling. confusing at first, but exciting. he was eternally grateful that you let him experience all these beautiful emotions with you. he was grateful that you allowed him in your short journey that you called life.

he was happy, absolutely content, with his shared life with you. you were both in perfect places in your respective lives: you both had a stable job, loving family backing you up, and a fulfilling love life. what seemed to be a mismatched couple at first turned to be 2 pieces of the same puzzle finally finding their place. life for the both of you couldn’t be better.

but along with the many exquisite moment that your romantic endeavours brought you, the android didn’t only taste the sweet delicacies of life; no matter how idyllic a moment may be, there were times when he had to taste the astringent and sour desserts life offered.

anger. that was an emotion that he felt. but that’s not accurate, no… it was frustration and shock and betrayal, all the unsavoury feelings in the world. perhaps it was due to his inexperience, maybe his lack of exposure to these negative sentiments, that caused him to snap the way he did. to hurt you the way he did. but it happened and there was no turning back the clock.

no matter how much he begged and cried for it.

he was proud that you got the job offer in canada, he really was. and he, like any other caring boyfriend would, offered to accompany you there, an offer which you gladly accepted. that was the plan. but plans were difficult to follow. crime waits for no man, working for the law meant that connor must always be available for duty. no excuses, he was an android. but connor wasn’t just a simple android detective, no, he had a much more important role: he was the link, the messenger, between jericho and the police force. he was the crucial communication between the two forces. so when jericho contacted him about threats of anti-android attacks, he had to make an appearance at their base. the meeting coincided with the day you were meant to travel to canada. it was a simple trip really. it only took a few hours by train, stay in canada for 2 days (it was the weekend), and then return back to detroit, probably arriving in the late afternoons to their home.

but you were looking forwards to traveling with your wonderful partner after « [we] spent so much time apart ». the day he told you the urgent change of plans, connor was tired, overwhelmed. you were frustrated and expectant. a fight was bound to have erupted. accusatory statements, along the lines of: « you don’t actually care about me! it’s all about work and work and work! » and « i can’t believe how selfish you’re being right now! » in between shouting and yelling and frustration and anger and contempt–

you both went to bed exhausted but spiteful, still not forgiving each other. in hindsight, he felt so utterly pathetic, so unbelievably childish, for being that cruel, and uncaring. he didn’t want to be like him again. so many glares and insults were thrown at each other, tears threatened to spill, LED flashed and shone a true red, doors were slammed. he felt awful, plain and simple. you both lied in the same bed, under the same cover. so close yet so excruciatingly far apart. back facing the other’s, no one said a word.

you woke up before him. bitter and unhappy. no morning kisses, no whispered « i love you » to wake your other half. you wordlessly got yourself ready, grabbed your bag and quietly snuck out. no post it notes were left. no sweet promises or encouraging words. you could do this work trip without him. you were independent. you didn’t need a tin can to chaperone you everywhere. so you left. plain and simple. gone. since you woke up and left earlier than planned, you boarded an earlier train. how lovely and convenient. the carriages were mostly filled with androids. perhaps they were trying to immigrate to canada like the others. who knows. you paid no mind and absentmindedly scrolled through your phone, obsessively checking your messages to see if connor realised. to see if he apologised. because frankly, at that point you were tired of being mad and just wanted to spend the day in his arms. but prideful and petty as you were, you weren’t willing to apologise and admit your mistakes first.

connor roused from stasis a few moments afterward, less bitter and more regretful. he wished to right his wrongs but the normally warm presence beside him was not there. his system was slowly booting back up when his audio sensor picked up an incessant ringing from the living room. he jolted up and rushed out to pick up the ringing phone call and waited for the other side to speak up.

the room was so utterly quiet, a silence so suffocating engulfed the room, that you could hear a pin drop. the voice on the other side asked whether this was indeed your house and that he was indeed connor anderson. he swallowed dryly and answered with a soft, « yes ». running a quick check in his database, he matches the caller’s voice with a certain nathaniel edwards. first responder. he allowed his HUD to display the news. if androids could get pale, have all their blood drain from their faces, his would have certainly done so. he stood, rigid and motionless, consumed by shock and horror.

the news and the first responder’s words blended into one as he gripped the phone tighter: « this morning, at 7:48 am the train from detroit to toronto was caught in a devastating turn of events: the train soon caught in fire and exploded as it made its way over the border. it has been confirmed that there has been 0 survivors. it is unclear whether this was an unfortunate accident or the result of anti-android terrorism. »

the other person’s voice poured through the speaker but he wasn’t listening. he stared blankly in front of him. no way, he thought, it couldn’t have been… the only sign that the android was registering the other man’s input was the now constant red LED.

« sir? sir. i’m sorry to bring this— – no, this isn’t right… you must have the wrong number, he interrupted. there were probably others with your name… maybe they were mistaken... – sir that’s not possible, w— – you must have gotten the wrong house… not… it-it couldn’t have been…» but he knew how improbable it was that they got the wrong number. he was built to be logical, to believe statistics. the statistics told him you were dead. long gone. he hoped and prayed that you stayed back, didn’t get on the earlier train. the statistics told him you did.

he choked out a response, quiet and defeated. you were gone. he’d never get to see you again. « i… i’m sorry… i-i don’t understand… – we tried our best to find them sir, but… the fire was too severe… if we gain any new developm— – you didn’t save them. »

still in a daze, he must have hung up on the poor man and unceremoniously dropped the phone. its clatter the only sound in this deafening silence. the reality of it all comes crashing through and he collapsed, ugly sobs escaping him as the denial faded away to make way for the pure and unfiltered grief. he felt lost. for the first time in a long while since amanda he felt so utterly and completely lost. no more shining beacon during his dark and stormy nights. no more valued affection and coveted kisses. no more notes and no more smile to come home to.

he laughed bitterly, devoid of any humour. it was funny, just how cruel the fates were: made human life so fleeting. lachesisonly gave them such a short eternity. and when he thought you both found your missing halves, bound to another by an invisible string, atropos cuts it. a small snippet that is so easily ripped away from you. he belonged with you, he felt at peace with you. he was able to be what he struggled to be for the majority of his miserable and artificial existence. with you, he was able to be happy.

but now he’ll have to get used to not coming home to a warm embrace. he’ll have to get used to going into stasis alone, in the cold bed. he’ll have to get used to his aching heart being greeted by an empty house. every cold and lonely  nights. it’s ridiculous how human he felt because of you. and he was both thankful and spiteful for it.

sadness and bitter regret ripped through him when he remembered that he didn’t  share goodbyes before he left. he remembered how he couldn’t have apologised to you and tenderly held you. he regretted not being able to tell you how much he loved you and how much you meant to him for the last time. ra9 only knows the things he’d do and the things he’d sacrifice, just to have you in his arms again.

instead he was faced with the bitter reminder that the last thing he’s ever said to you, your last memory of him, was a contemptuous and scornful « i wished i never met you ».

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[pointedly-foolish]

[ вut "sєntímєntαl вσч" ís mч nσm dє plumє ]

word count: 1916

pairing: connor/gn!reader

genre: slight fluff; hurt no comfort

summary: it has been a year after the android revolution. humans and android alike settled down, an olive branch was offered as a sign of reconciliation. with newfound peace came along newfound love, and many open roads to choose from. this was no different for the rk800—connor. surprisingly or unsurprisingly, he decided to continue working at the dpd, this time as a bonafide detective. but he has also accepted the thrilling uncertainty of life that deviancy has brought; the same strings that brought his lover in his life.the same ones he hated and cursed, the same fates who ripped it all away.

a/n: everytime i convince myself i came out of my dbh hyperfixation i just look at connor and i become lovesick again.

gosh i know i should be finishing my other fic or work on the prologue script for my vn, but,,,,,,, i just had a sudden hankering for connor angst,,,,

written during a sleep deprivation induced moment of epiphany,,,,, (purple prose cuz im extra af uwu)

I’ve never written angst before so i’d love to hear your thoughts on it

maybe if you asked him one year ago whether he’d consider returning someone’s feelings, romantic feelings, he’d reply to you with a placid smile and a polite « i’m sorry, i wasn’t programmed to reciprocate romantic interest. ». he remembered that he’d sneer at them internally. now thinking about it, long before he questioned his obedience towards her, he already showed signs of deviancy.

you did what you were designed to do.

memories from his past would still torment him erratically, doubts would resurface on particularly dark days. but you were the light that cut through that haze. this wasn’t a “fake deviancy”. it couldn’t have been. not when he is holding your body so close to his, warmth radiating off of each other, two heartbeats—similar, but different—thrumming together. all the softly whispered and adoringly announced « i love you »’s; all the quick and coveted pecks and all the feverish and passionate kisses. no, he was alive, he was sure of it—alive and absolutely enamoured by you. all semblance of doubt ebbed away when you entered his life.

whenever he’s around you, he feels more alive: you make him feel everything, all the little precious things. tenderness and adoration when he shares tranquil mornings with you. he feels more alive when he’s with you, all the little habits and routines too endearing: the sweet post-it notes scattered over your shared flat; scribbled upon it are encouraging words or sweet nothings. conflicting work schedules meant that moments spent together were scarce, but that made them even more valuable and coveted. captivation, was another emotion that he felt around you. your mannerism, your dreams and interests, your physical attributes and quality of voice. logically speaking, you were just another human, insignificant in the grand scheme of things. you’d live and then one day, you’d die. as if you never really existed. but he wasn’t being logical. how could he be? when you were right there in front of him? you made him irrational, and he found that new aspect in life thrilling. confusing at first, but exciting. he was eternally grateful that you let him experience all these beautiful emotions with you. he was grateful that you allowed him in your short journey that you called life.

he was happy, absolutely content, with his shared life with you. you were both in perfect places in your respective lives: you both had a stable job, loving family backing you up, and a fulfilling love life. what seemed to be a mismatched couple at first turned to be 2 pieces of the same puzzle finally finding their place. life for the both of you couldn’t be better.

but along with the many exquisite moment that your romantic endeavours brought you, the android didn’t only taste the sweet delicacies of life; no matter how idyllic a moment may be, there were times when he had to taste the astringent and sour desserts life offered.

anger. that was an emotion that he felt. but that’s not accurate, no… it was frustration and shock and betrayal, all the unsavoury feelings in the world. perhaps it was due to his inexperience, maybe his lack of exposure to these negative sentiments, that caused him to snap the way he did. to hurt you the way he did. but it happened and there was no turning back the clock.

no matter how much he begged and cried for it.

he was proud that you got the job offer in canada, he really was. and he, like any other caring boyfriend would, offered to accompany you there, an offer which you gladly accepted. that was the plan. but plans were difficult to follow. crime waits for no man, working for the law meant that connor must always be available for duty. no excuses, he was an android. but connor wasn’t just a simple android detective, no, he had a much more important role: he was the link, the messenger, between jericho and the police force. he was the crucial communication between the two forces. so when jericho contacted him about threats of anti-android attacks, he had to make an appearance at their base. the meeting coincided with the day you were meant to travel to canada. it was a simple trip really. it only took a few hours by train, stay in canada for 2 days (it was the weekend), and then return back to detroit, probably arriving in the late afternoons to their home.

but you were looking forwards to traveling with your wonderful partner after « [we] spent so much time apart ». the day he told you the urgent change of plans, connor was tired, overwhelmed. you were frustrated and expectant. a fight was bound to have erupted. accusatory statements, along the lines of: « you don’t actually care about me! it’s all about work and work and work! » and « i can’t believe how selfish you’re being right now! » in between shouting and yelling and frustration and anger and contempt–

you both went to bed exhausted but spiteful, still not forgiving each other. in hindsight, he felt so utterly pathetic, so unbelievably childish, for being that cruel, and uncaring. he didn’t want to be like him again. so many glares and insults were thrown at each other, tears threatened to spill, LED flashed and shone a true red, doors were slammed. he felt awful, plain and simple. you both lied in the same bed, under the same cover. so close yet so excruciatingly far apart. back facing the other’s, no one said a word.

you woke up before him. bitter and unhappy. no morning kisses, no whispered « i love you » to wake your other half. you wordlessly got yourself ready, grabbed your bag and quietly snuck out. no post it notes were left. no sweet promises or encouraging words. you could do this work trip without him. you were independent. you didn’t need a tin can to chaperone you everywhere. so you left. plain and simple. gone. since you woke up and left earlier than planned, you boarded an earlier train. how lovely and convenient. the carriages were mostly filled with androids. perhaps they were trying to immigrate to canada like the others. who knows. you paid no mind and absentmindedly scrolled through your phone, obsessively checking your messages to see if connor realised. to see if he apologised. because frankly, at that point you were tired of being mad and just wanted to spend the day in his arms. but prideful and petty as you were, you weren’t willing to apologise and admit your mistakes first.

connor roused from stasis a few moments afterward, less bitter and more regretful. he wished to right his wrongs but the normally warm presence beside him was not there. his system was slowly booting back up when his audio sensor picked up an incessant ringing from the living room. he jolted up and rushed out to pick up the ringing phone call and waited for the other side to speak up.

the room was so utterly quiet, a silence so suffocating engulfed the room, that you could hear a pin drop. the voice on the other side asked whether this was indeed your house and that he was indeed connor anderson. he swallowed dryly and answered with a soft, « yes ». running a quick check in his database, he matches the caller’s voice with a certain nathaniel edwards. first responder. he allowed his HUD to display the news. if androids could get pale, have all their blood drain from their faces, his would have certainly done so. he stood, rigid and motionless, consumed by shock and horror.

the news and the first responder’s words blended into one as he gripped the phone tighter: « this morning, at 7:48 am the train from detroit to toronto was caught in a devastating turn of events: the train soon caught in fire and exploded as it made its way over the border. it has been confirmed that there has been 0 survivors. it is unclear whether this was an unfortunate accident or the result of anti-android terrorism. »

the other person’s voice poured through the speaker but he wasn’t listening. he stared blankly in front of him. no way, he thought, it couldn’t have been… the only sign that the android was registering the other man’s input was the now constant red LED.

« sir? sir. i’m sorry to bring this— – no, this isn’t right… you must have the wrong number, he interrupted. there were probably others with your name… maybe they were mistaken... – sir that’s not possible, w— – you must have gotten the wrong house… not… it-it couldn’t have been…» but he knew how improbable it was that they got the wrong number. he was built to be logical, to believe statistics. the statistics told him you were dead. long gone. he hoped and prayed that you stayed back, didn’t get on the earlier train. the statistics told him you did.

he choked out a response, quiet and defeated. you were gone. he’d never get to see you again. « i… i’m sorry… i-i don’t understand… – we tried our best to find them sir, but… the fire was too severe… if we gain any new developm— – you didn’t save them. »

still in a daze, he must have hung up on the poor man and unceremoniously dropped the phone. its clatter the only sound in this deafening silence. the reality of it all comes crashing through and he collapsed, ugly sobs escaping him as the denial faded away to make way for the pure and unfiltered grief. he felt lost. for the first time in a long while since amanda he felt so utterly and completely lost. no more shining beacon during his dark and stormy nights. no more valued affection and coveted kisses. no more notes and no more smile to come home to.

he laughed bitterly, devoid of any humour. it was funny, just how cruel the fates were: made human life so fleeting. lachesis only gave them such a short eternity. and when he thought you both found your missing halves, bound to another by an invisible string, atropos cuts it. a small snippet that is so easily ripped away from you. he belonged with you, he felt at peace with you. he was able to be what he struggled to be for the majority of his miserable and artificial existence. with you, he was able to be happy.

but now he’ll have to get used to not coming home to a warm embrace. he’ll have to get used to going into stasis alone, in the cold bed. he’ll have to get used to his aching heart being greeted by an empty house. every cold and lonely nights. it’s ridiculous how human he felt because of you. and he was both thankful and spiteful for it.

sadness and bitter regret ripped through him when he remembered that he didn’t share goodbyes before he left. he remembered how he couldn’t have apologised to you and tenderly held you. he regretted not being able to tell you how much he loved you and how much you meant to him for the last time. ra9 only knows the things he’d do and the things he’d sacrifice, just to have you in his arms again.

instead he was faced with the bitter reminder that the last thing he’s ever said to you, your last memory of him, was a contemptuous and scornful « i wished i never met you ».

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[alannah-corvaine]

epilogue;

It’s a habit that she knows she should break.

There’s no reason to return to the First, not when the Shard is settled and calm and things are bad back home. But the vaunted Warrior of Light can’t help herself, can’t stay away. There are things we cannot afford to lose, the Exarch had told her. His words have resonated with her more than he could ever know. Just not in the way that he had meant it. The world can’t afford to lose her. And Alannah…

...she can’t lose him.

She already has, of course. He was gone before she’d known she’d miss him, before the dust had even settled after their last meeting on the burning sands of Thanalan. She’d never expected to see him again, never expected to follow his footsteps back to the First. Never thought he’d be a misspoken memory maligned by a fate he’d never asked for, in whose footsteps she could do naught but tread. 

And then...to meet again the way that they had. To learn his thoughts and fears and the demons that haunted him, and to find that they mirror her own. His shoulder, though that of a specter, has seen more of her tears than her comrades of many years. How can she explain the connection between them when she barely understands it herself? 

In any case, she has long since served her purpose here. There are no more foes to vanquish, no shadows to peer into. No, her trips to the First since the fall of Emet-Selch have been unsanctioned and secret. They have to stop, she thinks. But she can’t stop.

Perhaps she could have, if it weren’t for the boy.

Alannah can’t decide if this is a cruelty or a kindness. If it were anybody else, she could not be sure, but his soul is entangled with hers, there is no mistaking it for another’s. 

The boy is young when they meet for the first time. The only time, because she keeps herself distant. He is innocent, ignorant of the deeds that have earned him this second chance. Alannah has decided that she will not be the one to tell him. He deserves a life free of pain and of worry. He deserves to be happy. 

So she watches from afar, easing the anxious ache in her chest with her various visits. Always a stranger, an unseen silent guardian. The time between worlds flows erratically, and though she is aware of its mysterious twisting and turning, she cannot help but be taken aback each time she returns. After an absence of weeks in the Source, she may visit once more to find that years have passed on the First.

To see him grown, a boy becoming a man, brings her a joy that borders on terror. The fear of losing him once more brings her back again and again, indulging in a selfish need that is unbecoming of the selfless Warrior of Light. And yet. 

This particular sojourn finds her hovering outside the window of a Kholusian tavern, her face hidden in the shadows cast by the flickering candles in the window. She has nearly made up her mind to go inside, determined to keep her cloak pulled tight around her with her hood hiding her features. Her eyes are drawn instantly to the youth seated at the center table, surrounded by loud and rowdy companions. These faces she knows too, and her heart gladens at the sight of them together once more. 

Putting aside her misgivings, she pushes the door open and enters. 

Instantly she is assaulted by anxiety, certain that the white of her hair and the unmistakable aura of power will give her away. But the tavern dwellers take no notice of her, strange and foreign as she is, and Alannah decides that the tense set of her shoulders is more like to make her stand out. She makes her way to a less occupied corner, murmuring her choice of drink to a maid as she passes by. 

The inn is crowded this eve, and as she weaves her way through the sea of people, she can’t help but feel awash in a celebratory warmth. Nigh on fifteen years have passed in the First since her victory over the Light, and not for a moment have the people taken their hard-won peace for granted. A dream-like calm enfolds her in its embrace, and she finds herself lost in memories as various faces pass her by.  

The twinkling lights dim and blur as her eyes become heavy. Soon a blink becomes a nod, and she succumbs to a drowsy comfort dragging her down beneath consciousness. Just for a moment, she thinks hazily, already lost to the tug of a sweet dream.

“Ardbert, ya lazy lout, put some muscle inta it!”

The large galdjent roars with laughter, even as beads of sweat dot his forehead. His companion, the dark-haired hume Ardbert, struggles to contain his own mirth as he grins fiercely at his friend. The two are locked in a mighty struggle of an arm wrestling match, neither willing to admit defeat, muscles straining as they wrest for dominance. 

“You’re getting soft on me, Branden,” he chuckles. Truth be told, his own arm is starting to shake from weakness, and there’s a very good chance he’s going to lose this match. Beside him, Renda-Rae lets loose a raucous cheer, and it’s obvious the mystel is deep in her cups.  Lammit and Nyelbert sit nearby deep in discussion about some finer point of magic that Arbert will readily admit he neither understands nor cares about. Still, their company is welcome, even if they have different interests. 

Moments later his arm falls, and Branden claims another victory. Chagrined, Ardbert pays for his next drink, lamenting the lightness of his coin purse. Shaking his head, he takes a long drought of his own ale. “We’re not finished here,” he declares, fighting a smile. “Not until I’ve won, anyway.” 

“If it’s a challenge you want, it’s a challenge you’ll get, boy!” Branden offers his outstretched hand once more, an amused twinkle in his eye, and Ardbert accepts it immediately.

“Wait wait wait wait wait!” Renda-Rae calls, halting their competition. “I say this contest needs some real stakes. What about…” the mystel taps her chin, deep in thought. “I got it! Loser has to wash the winner’s leathers for the next moon!” The men recoil in disgust, neither wanting to imagine such a scenario. Still, they agree, and the terms are set. They clasp arms once more, the beginnings of adrenaline coursing through their veins. 

As they await Renda-Rae’s command to start, Arbert takes a quick survey of the room. Most of the tavern’s patrons are familiar to him, having lived in this village their whole lives. They are men and women he has known for years, shared in their triumphs and their heartaches. Some few are strangers, but the town is no stranger to passersby, and their coin is always welcome. 

One such stranger he spies in a corner, hooded and unobtrusive. Something about them draws his eye, and he watches with interest as they suddenly jolt upright. The hood falls from their face, and now he can see that the stranger is a pale young woman. Her long hair is a brown darker than his, and as it spills around her he can see distinct strands of white threaded throughout. An interesting appearance for a woman who looks no older than his own age. 

She hurriedly rises from her seat, obviously in a rush as she makes for the door. Her gaze flickers across the room as she pauses at the door, and for the briefest instant his eyes catch hers. 

Wildfire erupts in his veins, and Renda-Rae’s voice is a million malms away as she calls the beginning of the match. The pressure against his hand is nothing against the sudden tidal surge of memory that threatens to drown him. All sound fades from the room, all sight from his eyes but the image of her face, burned into his being like a brand. 

“Oi, whatsa matter with him? You in there, Ardbert? Keep it up and you’ll be washing my underthings ‘til your next nameday!”

“I think he’s lookin’ at that girl. Look at ‘im, he’s completely besotted! I can’t believe me eyes.”

But Ardbert hears none of this. The roar of blood in his ears is too loud, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. He knows her name, it’s on the tip of his tongue. A parade of images flashes in his mind, each one tightening a vice around his ribcage. Memories of another life, memories of an afterlife. Memories of her.

Midnights in her room. Fear and despair in her eyes. Her hand touching his, the brilliant light between them. Her laughter carried on the wind and a smile just for him. A final stand and her gift of redemption.

He can’t breathe. A pain such as he has never known in his life threatens to break him in half. He’s half out of his chair before he knows what he’s doing, tugging his hand away from Branden without acknowledgement of his sudden fervor. She’s already out the door, taking her answers with her. Panic ignites in his breast, and his fevered brain finally loosens its grip on her name. 

“ALANNAH.”

Stupid stupid stupid!

She should have never gone in there, should never have let herself get comfortable. To fall asleep here of all places! Her lack of diligence is astounding and this is probably why the Scions never let her go anywhere by herself. Alannah steps out into the darkening eve, drawing her cloak around her and adjusting her fallen hood. Sloppy, she sneers at herself in disgust.    

A disaster, that’s what she is, making these trips to the First when it’s all done and over. She’s the only one who can’t let go or move on. Sometimes, when she’s bitter, she wonders why she should. Her friends aren’t the ones with a fragmented soul, with a piece in the shape of the hole in her heart. There are some things that cannot be explained by words alone, that only the soul knows, some wounds that will never be whole again. 

A commotion from inside the inn catches her attention. A lone shout sends tingles up her spine, making her knees weak, and all the breath leaves her. She doesn’t know how, but she knows. Her heart beats frantically, erratically as the door slams open behind her. Her own name thrums in her ears, a radio signal calling her home. 

His harsh breathing and heavy steps come to a halt in her wake.

“Alannah.” 

A small sob escapes her. How long has she heard that voice in her dreams? How long has it been since those blue eyes beheld her, aware of who she is? She is afraid to turn, afraid to face a dream that will vanish in the morning light. She shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t have come. He deserves a life free from the trials and travails of a hero’s lot, and she will never ever be able to give that to him.

“It is you, isn’t it? I know you felt it just now, whatever it was. Just turn around, please. Look at me.”

Her feet have no will of their own as she slowly shifts to face him. Agony is written in her eyes, and she has not the strength to hide it. His own expression, when at last she beholds him in her sight, is naked confusion and something she can’t name. Her hood drops away from her face, leaving her exposed to his scrutiny. She licks her parched lips, trying to find any words that could possibly be enough between them.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Her voice is hoarse and raspy. “I’m sorry.”

Ardbert takes a step closer, his brow furrowing. “Sorry? For what?” 

“I--” 

A sudden wave of exhaustion nearly knocks her off her feet. A bone-deep weariness settles in her like a stone, bearing her down to the ground. Too much, it’s all too much, when all she wants to do is cry. Her ears catch the sound of dirt gravel crunching beneath boots approaching her as the world spins, and she falls into darkness as the ground rushes up to meet her.

Ardbert watches her as she sleeps, sitting on the edge of the inn room bed as she lays curled on her side where he’d laid her some two hours before after her collapse. It’s a familiar feeling, as though he’s done this before, standing guard by her side until her waking hours return. He thinks of the look on her face as he’d confronted her, such anguish in her eyes that pierced to the heart of him. He remembers her burden, what once was his, and feels guilty. 

As he wonders what has befallen her since that day in the Dying Gasp, an unruly finger rises to brush the bangs from her face. His hand lingers overlong, content to caress the soft skin of her brow. She stirs beneath his touch, sighing into wakefulness as her eyes grudgingly open. He does not withdraw, hesitating as her groggy gaze meets his.

“Ardbert?” Her voice is quiet, almost timid.

He makes a noise of confirmation, and she lets out a long breath. Alannah looks at him then, her uncanny green eyes making him dizzy. There is a long moment of silence between them as they memorize the other’s features, drinking in all that they have missed in their separation.

“Are you alright?” he murmurs, feeling oddly protective of a woman whose deeds and power are unrivaled. 

Her face crumples, as though she is about to cry. He knows just how much it costs her to answer with a tiny “no.” She buries her face into the pillow, great sobs wracking her body as her hands clench and unclench in the blankets. Before she can curl into herself, Ardbert pulls her against him, wrapping his arms around her tight and murmuring words of comfort into her hair. 

They lay like this for a long time, until she is drained of her tears. 

She slumps against him, with no will or energy to move. Her breathing eventually evens out, her body shuddering one last time. “I tried to stay away,” she confesses, “but I keep coming back. I had to know that you were okay. And…” she pauses, a knot of fear in her throat. “I missed you,” she whispers, hiding her face again.

He frowns and gently pries her away from his chest. “Why would you stay away? Shouldn’t a hero have free reign to visit the world she’s saved?” 

He sees the bitterness in her face for the first time as she answers. “You should have a free life. One far away from me and all the horror I bring with me, and all the things you left behind. Me being here...just seeing me brought back your memories of all of that. In my selfishness, I’ve ruined the life you deserve. Because I couldn’t stay away.”

It takes him a moment to gather his thoughts, with lips pursed and brow furrowed. 

“A life with you in it could never be ruined,” he tells her softly. “I would rather have you here, and know all the evil of the world, than live in ignorance without you.”

She gazes at him, stricken, as though not daring to believe. A war within her rages on her face as she absorbs his words, torn between what she knows and what he offers. 

Ardbert smiles, a tinge of sadness touching his expression as he runs a hand through her hair. “You have saved everything I have ever held dear, and did what I could not.”  At this she stringently objects, shaking her head violently. “You saved me,” she says in a broken voice, tears returning to her eyes. 

He has no words for what he wants to tell her, so he brings his fingertips to her face, tenderly swiping away her stray tears. They trail from her brow to her cheeks, descending to her chin as he tilts his head toward hers. 

The first touch of their lips is tentative and slow, a gentle press as his hand slips between the strands of her hair to support her neck. A light sparks between them, ebullient in its brilliance, a radiant reminder of Her blessing that they share. A brief pause for breath, then the kiss becomes something more. He is pressing her down, the warmth of him surrounding her, a homecoming that she has not felt in years.

Moments pass, or hours, neither of them know. She forgets her name, her titles, the weight of the world. All are distant stars in the sky as she lays in his arms. 

She touches him too, tracing the line of his jaw and the landscape of his chest. There cannot be enough kisses between them. Soft kisses, long kisses, passionate and devouring. 

“I don’t know how to do this,” she confesses as they shed their clothing, hungry for closeness. 

He breathes against her neck, as uncertain as she is, only knowing that every cell in his body begs to be closer, closer. Easing himself into his elbows above her, he smiles at her reassuringly, leaving a chaste kiss on her lips. “If you tell me to stop, I will.” 

She nods her head nervously, already winding her limbs around his. A sweet ache builds and builds in her chest as he moves in her, ‘til it brings her near to tears. “I…” Mere words are not enough for this moment, unneeded as their souls rejoice. 

“Stay with me,” she gasps, undone and unraveling. “Please, please stay.” 

His lips curve against her collar, nipping at her skin. Ardbert raises his head to look at her, heat piercing him at the sight of her tangled hair and wild eyes. He kisses her again before rolling onto his back, bringing her with him. As she lays on his chest, panting for breath, he presses one palm to her hip and the other to her face. 

“As long as you will have me, Warrior of Light,” he kisses her forehead, “I will be at your side.”

[jjkfire]

Escape; pt.10 (epilogue)

Reader x Jungkook // (???)!AU // 14k words

Summary: Everyone has a number over their heads that says how useful they are to society from 0-100. You have a number ‘4’. You leave the city for some peace but you meet your cocky neighbor who seems to get on your nerves.

Genre: Fluff

Y/LN refers to your last name/family name

A/N:  Hi wow hello. Look here! It’s the epilogue to Escape! This is for all of you who have been extremely encouraging throughout the series and have shown me love and support throughout it all. I love you all so much because truly this series is my baby! It was my first attempt at a long chaptered fic! So basically anyway this is for my ogs who’ve sent me such sweet things about escape @thekookiecrush @hxsungwoon @katthecaptain @wide-awaker @revolutionbreez @orixiro @parkheehi @misxing-you @megjin @antaedepressant @marrauderr @minsuxga (the pregnancy ask… im suing you!) AND OF COURSE NOT FORGETTING MY BB @wicdrop and also all you anons out there! i remember all of you!!!!

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5  // Part 6 // Part 6.5 // Part 7 // Part 8 // Part 9

Previously…

Here’s a recap because it’s been too long!  Jimin’s in jail after being caught trying to steal floor plans from Y/L/N Logistics (He was blackmailed by Jeon Logistics). Hoseok played a part in that and he was the one who falsified the audio clip that made you think Jungkook was in a relationship with you to decipher DIADEM. Jungkook didn’t tell you it was Hoseok because it’ll break you. You hear the original clip that Jimin had recorded of that night, proving Jungkook’s innocence and after hours of searching, Jungkook finds you in the local park, holds you close as you cry, begging for his forgiveness and he forgives you, of course he does because none of this is your fault. –> or skim through part 9 bc I feel like this was a horrible recap

Jungkook hates Hoseok with a passion and every time he sees his face, he just wants to put in a solid punch for your sake but you’ve warned him against doing so many times before and he wonders how you do it, how you always take the high road so easily. You seem to forgive people left and right, no matter what it is they’ve done to you and he truly finds it unfathomable that you don’t hate his family with a burning passion because he does. Blood is thicker than water you murmur to him, telling him to reconcile with his family but he simply shakes his head, unable to find it in him to do so, to forgive both his and even your own family like you’ve done.

Jungkook dislikes your family, he’s made it very clear but you convince him that despite their flaws, you still love them very much, so he holds back the insults, clenching his jaw to stop the words from spilling out whenever he sees them. He never wants to be associated with either Hoseok or your family because they both only bring you pain and yet here he is, sitting in your father’s cozy office, sandwiched between your father and brother while Hoseok sits on the sofa chair on the opposite side, a smug look on his face.

This is Jungkook’s last resort. He’d never be caught dead with these people but for your sake, he pushes away the anger, putting on a calm expression because hell if this doesn’t work out, he’s completely run out of options.

The meeting you had with Jimin’s lawyer had not gone the way you had expected. You had barged into her office with a million-watt smile on your face, the pen drive with the recordings in hand, the key to Jimin’s release, but she destroys all your hope with a single sentence.

“Were these recordings obtained legally?” She asks and the look on your face is enough to give her the answer she seeks.

“Then I’m afraid this would be inadmissible in court.”

“B-but you need to listen to them! They blackmailed him into doing it!”

“It doesn’t matter what’s on there because we can’t use it in court.”

Just like that, you leave her office feeling dejected, broken even because you were at a total loss of what to do. There wasn’t a single thing you could think of that could help the man that was quite possibly the only person that kept you going, that cheered you on in your adolescent years. He was the closest thing you had to family and you felt utterly useless because he was there for you all the time, every damn time but now, when he finally requests a favour, you can’t seem to step up and provide.

“Y/N, you win some and you lose some,” Jimin shrugs and you can’t help the tears that start to roll down your cheeks. All you can think about is how the world is so unfair. That in a perfect world, a man with so much love, so much kindness would never be sitting across from you in an orange jumpsuit, a 5 year sentence hanging above his head.

“Don’t cry,” He frowns placing his hand on the thick glass screen that separates the two of you.

“I’ll get you out of here somehow, I promise,” You mumble into the handset. “I’m not giving up.”

“Y/N, it’s honestly fine. They’ll probably let me out earlier for good behaviour and all that jazz,” He smiles.

“That’s still years, Jimin,” You sob. “You were coerced, blackmailed, and that’s a crime too.”

He let’s out a low hum, completely at a loss of what to say because you were right.

“I begged them you know? Dad and my brother…” You sigh. “I told them to drop the charges, showed them recordings, everything! But they said it’ll only put the company in a weaker position and the Jeons would’ve gotten what they wanted all along.”

“That’s true,” Jimin exhales. “It’s a smart decision on their part.”

“Smart decision? Jimin, they chose the company over you!” You shout. “You’ve worked for us for years now, you’re like family to us and they still chose the goddamn company over you.”

Jimin can only offer you a sad lopsided smile because such is the way of the world. Not everyone had a heart like yours, not everyone was willing to put a billion-dollar company on the line for the sake of their secretary.

“Don’t worry,” You murmur. “I’ll figure something out.”

“Y/N, it’s okay,” He sighs. “There’s nothing more you can do now.”

“There has to be something.”

He shakes his head at you because you’ve always been mightily stubborn.

“Don’t waste anymore of your time,” He mumbles. “Just move on, be happy and I’ll be out before you know it.”

“How can you expect me to just do that?” You frown. “If the roles were reversed, I know you wouldn’t stop too.”

A light laugh escapes Jimin because it’s true, he wouldn’t. He’d do everything, work himself down to the core until he could find a way to guarantee your freedom.

Wrap it up! You hear the guard shout at you and just like the numerous times you’ve visited him before, a sudden pang of sadness runs through your body.

“Not again,” Jimin groans playfully. “You cry every time.”

“Shut up,” You manage to say between sobs and Jimin wishes more than ever that the barrier between the both of you could just dissolve so he could pull you into a tight hug.

“I’ll see you soon okay?”

“Well, you know where to find me,” He laughs, eyes twinkling and you scowl at him.

He waves you a quick goodbye and though you try to stop them, the tears just continue to stream down your face.

Jimin’s okay, he really is but you never seem to acknowledge that concept, your puppy dog pity eyes always staring at him as the guard leads him out of the room and he always looks back just in time to see the guard on the other side giving you a consoling pat on the back.

Did Jimin want to be in jail? Of course not. Did he in some way deserve jail time? Sure… and it’s his mistake, he admits, that he found himself in this position anyway and yet his biggest regret of all was causing the people that cared for him to hurt the way you do. He absolutely feels like breaking down whenever his parents come in to talk to him but he puts up a front, smiling, hoping that they would spend less time worrying about him. But god, you. Nothing hurts more than seeing you cry, nothing hurts more than seeing you beat yourself up every time your plan doesn’t work out. He hated that he put you in this position because he was supposed to be a brother to you, he was supposed to take care of you but here he is, with the roles reversed in the worst way possible. He never tells you but every time he returns to his cell, he lets his measly thin mattress, if he could call it that, soak up all his tears.

“Pleasure to see you again, Jungkook,” Hoseok smirks. “What? Not going to grab me by my collar this time?”

It takes every ounce of willpower within Jungkook to stop himself from cussing the life out of Hoseok and he manages to calm himself down but Hoseok doesn’t miss the way Jungkook has his fists clenched by his side.

“Let’s just try to keep the conversation civil, shall we?” Your father grumbles.

“I understand you have a favour to ask?” Hoseok purrs and his sickly tone makes Jungkook feel like gagging.

“A favour is a nice way to put it but I’d rather classify it as a threat,” Your brother grins.

Hoseok straightens up in his chair, suddenly unsure of what exactly he had walked into.

“Jung Hoseok,” Your brother begins. “Let’s just get straight to the point. We need you to testify.”

“Testify?”

“In court, against the Jeons.”

“Are you crazy? They’ll kill me if I ever did that,” He scoffs, shaking his head.

“Right, that’s what we thought you would say,” Your brother sighs. “You know, we heard you’ve been talking to Y/N again,” Your brother begins, smirking.

“Yeah, exes can be friends,” He shrugs. “What does this have to do—"

“But I’m not so sure if she’d consider you a friend once she finds out you’ve been on a 5 year long mission to figure out diadem. That you had a hand in putting someone she cares for in jail. That everything between the both of you is a lie.”

“What are you trying to say?” Hoseok taps his foot nervously, hands fidgeting in his lap.

“Well for starters, I’m trying to say that in one phone call, I can have her here and you can watch as I show her this,” Your brother throws out a bunch of papers back from 4 years ago when Hoseok was still dating you, transcripts of him talking to Mr. Jeon on what he’s found out about the company. “And this, or this, or this,” He continues, throwing out paper after paper of all of Hoseok’s misdeeds, even the shoplifting record that Jimin had previously threatened him with. “But most importantly, this,” He smiles, playing the play button on his phone.

“Did you get all of that?” Mr. Jeon asks.

“Yes, sir. I heard it all loud and clear. I have the code written down too.” Hoseok responds.

“Alright then, let’s call Jimin and end all of this tonight.”

Hoseok sits in his chair stunned. He had been caught off guard because he thought he was called here for an offer, perhaps some money for some information but it looks like he had read the situation all wrong because how did they get the original voice clip for that night?

Hoseok wants to scream out aloud in the room, his heart pounding, his head beginning to ache because everything between you and him isn’t a lie. Maybe parts of it are but what he felt for you then and what he feels for you even now isn’t a lie. You are the one that got away, you are who he has always pictured growing old together with… and maybe everyone else thinks it’s ridiculous but truly he just knows, that it’s you… that you’re the one and you always will be.

He sounds crazy, he knows but if only the two of you had met in a different lifetime, maybe things would be different because nobody sees the years of history the two of you have together. They don’t see the hushed words that were shared between the both of you on an overcast day, you with your head on his stomach, him sprawled out on the grass as both of you talked about how unfair the world was, about your hopes and dreams that may never come true. They don’t see how the two of you had planned it all, the perfect getaway once both of you had collected enough money to get out of this city, to perhaps settle down in a modest house by the beach with no one to judge either of you for the less than magnificent numbers glowing above both of your heads. It’s the fact that he knows you’d be happy as long as you had your carving tools and him happy as long as he had you.

Everyone in this room only sees him as a villain but couldn’t they see that he was a victim in all of this too? That if only you and him were blessed with numbers as high as any of theirs, none of this would be happening. He loves you, more than you can ever know or anyone for that matter. He knows, he’s ‘deluded’ or whatever but you’re the only person he’s ever met that didn’t look at him like he’s just a 65 that was born to help the high nineties to achieve their dreams and neither did you look at him like he was just someone who should be angry and bitter, forever cursing the system. You looked at him like he had dreams to pursue, like he could have the world in the palm of his hand if he just did what his heart desires. He remembers your words ringing clearly in his head, no matter how many years have passed, clinging onto it like it’s his lifeline because it’s the only time he’s ever felt anyone believe in him.

“Well, what do you think?” He asks, turning to you, chest heaving from the hip hop number he had just performed.

“That was amazing, Hoseok!” Your eyes still wide as you try to process the fact that it was really him that had danced so fluidly as if the bones in his body didn’t exist. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner that you could dance like that?

“It’s just… I’m not that good,” He mumbles. “I’m still working on—”

“Are you kidding? You’re straight up the best dancer I’ve ever seen.”

“Well I don’t think you’ve really seen a good dancer because… I’m just not on par, you know?”

“You are,” You answer, your eyebrows furrowed. “You should do something with that talent. Don’t let it go to waste.”

“Nah… It’ll be a waste of time. I’m a 65, Y/N. People like me don’t get anywhere.”

“You can deny it all you want but you’re a great dancer and nothing you say can convince me otherwise. I’d kill to be able to dance like you,” You smile at him. “You’re gonna be so good they can’t ignore you. It won’t matter what your number is, you hear me?”

Loud and clear. He had heard you loud and clear.

Ah, he sighs. How he wishes you were right but you’ve always had your head up in the clouds, always over optimistic. But, it was always nice to hear words like that every once in a while… It almost had him believing in it himself.

“So, are you willing to testify? Or do you want to break Y/N’s heart all over again and perhaps face some jail time too?”

“W-what—,” A deep breath, one filled with defeat. “What do you need me to do?”

And for the first time since he’s entered this office, Jungkook smiles.

As promised, Hoseok takes the stand, revealing intricacies of the entire plan, from private emails to recordings, the court sees it all from start to end. The Jeons are trapped in a corner, having no way to refute the edited evidence provided, one that Hoseok had altered to leave himself out from being implicated. How were they supposed to know the man they entrusted with destroying all the evidence would turn on them like this? What could the Y/L/N’s probably have on him that would make him switch his allegiance?

The slam of the hammer comes soon after the jury’s verdict, Jimin nearly in tears as they unlock the handcuffs around his wrists, finally a free man. Hoseok sees the undeniable smile on your face, one he takes credit for and you turn to him from the floor, mouthing out the words thank you with tears in your eyes. There’s so much he wants to say, so much he wishes he could tell you but he’s dug a grave far too deep for himself and he admits that he’s lost his chance with you.

If he was being truthful, he had lost you all those years ago but that doesn’t mean he still wishes that somehow the circumstances were different, that there weren’t so many secrets between the both of you. He wishes more than anything to turn back the clock a few years, both you and him carefree, being delinquents and loving life despite the crappy hand life had dealt the both of you. Alas, wishes are only that, just wishes and he knows now that he’s somehow made up for breaking your heart all those years ago and maybe with this, you would forgive him for the horrible mistakes he’s made, ones you’re not aware of. His heart breaks when he sees you in Jungkook’s arms but at least he knows you’re happy and that’s the best gift you could give someone you love. Happiness.

Your texts to Hoseok goes unread and your subsequent calls go unanswered. You think maybe he’s just nervous, afraid that you were going to lash out at him now that you found out that he had previously worked for Jeon Logistics. You wonder when exactly he got that job and why he had never mentioned the fact to you over your recent conversations with him. You’re left confused and in the dark because he had been eager to reconcile over the lost years just days ago but somehow it was like he had vanished into thin air. Perhaps he had decided to take off like he had the last time around when he broke your heart and it makes you frown because for whatever it was worth, he had brought joy to your life when you were just about at your lowest and for that you would always be grateful, even if he had left a deep emotional scar, one you had just recently been able to rid yourself off with Jungkook’s help.

You wanted him to know that you had forgiven him years ago, something Jungkook says he doesn’t understand but you try to explain to him that it wasn’t worth it, holding onto so much hate within yourself. Wherever he is, you hope he’s happy because even when you were with him and even through the recent texts he had been sending you, you could still sense the same old Hoseok, the one that was bitter and skeptical about life. You had tried many times over the course of your relationship with him to get him to see life in a better light, to show him that despite the circumstances, both you and him deserved to be happy and so wherever he is, that’s all you wish for him, that he’s finally happy.

And that he is. He’s happy because you are and though he may have given up his identity and taken on a new one, a deal he struck up with your father to protect him from the wrath of the Jeons when they’ve done their time, he’s trying his best to live his life the way he knows you wanted him to. Do what you love, you would always say and here, halfway around the world, he is. He joins a dance studio, a small one, teaching kids hip-hop during the day and choreographing intricate pieces when the sun has set and you were right, you always were, he laughs. Hoseok’s the happiest he’s been in years and you’ll never know but it’s all because of you. Maybe in a year or two, you’ll forget about him but he knows he’ll never forget you, not in this lifetime, not ever and he doesn’t believe in reincarnation but for the sake of you, he sometimes wishes he does because oh, what a love the both of you would’ve shared.

It’s been perhaps three months since you were bawling out of happiness in the living room of the Park household now that Jimin was finally reunited with his parents and his mother insisted that both you and Jungkook stay for dinner, a true family dinner she announced, and you had cried even harder upon hearing her say those words.

It’s a lot calmer now than it was months ago, the press finally leaving both you and Jungkook alone, off to pursue more pressing issues, or rather not-so pressing issues but either way, you’re glad you’re able to finally take Buster on a walk without being bombarded by flashing lights and mics shoved into your face. The small town you live in, hidden in the hills returns to normalcy, serene and quiet like it should be. Your days go on like normal, Buster barking at squirrels outside as you head to your old cabin to get some wood carving done. While Jungkook is busy at work, you busy yourself with your trade, packing your wood pieces up to be sold at the bazaar you often go to sell your works at. There are a lot more people than you remember, many customers coming around your store trying to drop hints to get you to talk about what really happened in the aftermath of the arrest of the Jeons but you send them away with a tight-lipped smile. Why doesn’t everyone understand that it’s something you just want to put behind you?

After months of job searching, Jimin finds himself empty handed, his criminal record the first thing employers see when they search up his name and Jimin sighs, returning home empty-handed again after yet another interview. It’s after much pestering from both you and Jungkook that Jimin accepts the position of being Jungkook’s private secretary and though he’s apprehensive at first, Jimin takes the job anyway because as far as he knew, he probably never wanted to touch the logistics industry ever again. 

The learning curve is steep and he struggles with all the complicated terms Jungkook throws his way but he remains determined, trying his best to keep up as Jungkook leads him through the tech industry. As always, Jimin proves himself to be highly adaptable, surprising even Jungkook with how much he has learnt in the span of just a few months. In no time, Jimin sheds the secretary title, becoming almost some sort of a partner in crime to Jungkook. Together, they comb through the start-up industry, pouring money into apps they believe in, the money they get in return when the apps hit the market is beyond Jimin’s wildest dreams. It’s an arrangement Jungkook loves wholly because it means he gets to spend more time with you now that he didn’t have so much on his plate.

From the first I love you to the 100th, Jungkook thinks it’s a 3 letter sentence he’ll never get tired of hearing or saying. The first few times you say it to him, your voice is barely a whisper, almost like you don’t want him to hear it but whether you shout it out or mumble it to him, it still fills his chest with an unbelievable warmth, a feeling only you can invoke out of him.

Love.

It’s a strong word but it’s the only emotion that can describe how he feels about you. He loves you, he loves you, he loves you.

He loves you when he wakes up just minutes before you, dried up drool on your face and your hair a mess but your features are so calm, so serene that he can’t help but feel like he’s the luckiest man on the entire earth for having the privilege of waking up next to you.

He loves you when you’re chasing Buster around the house as he refuses to get toweled down after his shower and you collapse onto the couch, your shirt slightly drenched in soap water, telling him that Buster is only this stubborn because he had spoiled the dog rotten, which was true to some extent but he couldn’t help it, Buster is simply too adorable.

He loves you when you notice that he’s been having a hard week at work and you do everything in your power to make his day better and that could be watching his favourite movie for the umpteenth time or baking those goddamn fudge brownies that he could never seem to have enough of but most of the time, all he needs is to snuggle up next to you, your comforting touch almost healing to him.

Sometimes he feels he’s only half as good of a partner as you are to him and he feels horrible because he wishes he could make you feel even a quarter of what you make him feel. Funnily enough, you feel the exact same way because you feel like nothing you do could ever live up to what he’s done for you. It was as if he was looking into one of those too good to be true romantic comedies that he watches too much, Jimin often says about the pair of you. Both you and Jungkook seemed to live in perpetual confusion, always thinking that one didn’t deserve the other and you both even had a cute dog to boot, the final piece to a happy family. He couldn’t think of a better pair who deserved to live out an actual romantic comedy other than the two of you.

The ladies in town often question you when you think Jungkook would pop the question and you dread it, especially when they ask you when he’s sitting right next to you. The two of you always blush beet red before you retort, maybe I’ll be the one to get down on one knee! Which always seems to shut them up.

You were happy with the relationship you had with Jungkook and so was he. You didn’t see the rush in getting engaged because what you and he have for now, is perfect and if anything, you didn’t want him to feel pressured, like he had to give you some stupid, expensive ring, as if without it, what the two of you have was anything less special.

Perhaps all the pestering makes Jungkook reach his breaking point because he comes home later and later sometimes, so late that you fall asleep with your phone in hand, waiting for his text to tell you that he was on his way. As usual, the ladies in town plant seeds of doubt in your mind, asking you if you smell perfume on his shirt when he comes home, a clear sign of infidelity, they murmur. You don’t want to doubt Jungkook because you trust him with your heart, with your life but you do admit that you catch a whiff of a sweet-smelling perfume, one that isn’t yours. It’s probably one of his client’s perfume you reason but he’s been working late almost every day of the week for close to a month now and you hate what you’ve become, you hate how you’re sniffing the shirts he throws into the laundry basket to see if you could smell that now familiar scent. Curse the ladies in town for making you feel this way.

Maybe he’s finally gotten tired of you, you sigh. Maybe the glaring number 4 he sees above your head everyday makes him resent you because perhaps he’s thinking, he can definitely do better. You shrink into your older self, the one that’s unconfident and scared. Jungkook can sense that something is off, you know he can because he takes a day off work just to spend time with you but you can’t help but feel this niggling sensation that he’s doing this as a parting gift, one last week before he says he thinks he’s done with you for good.

“Babe, i-is something wrong?”

“Hmm?” You hum in question, trying your best to hide your emotions.

“Did I do something wrong? You’ve been… distant lately.”

“I-I don’t really know what you mean.”

“Maybe it’s just me,” He sighs. “Work’s been killing me and I know I haven’t been home much… but I hope you know I’d spend every single second with you if I could,” He murmurs, stepping up to you, pulling you in close. He giggles lightly when he sees you blush. It’s amazing how you still shy away whenever he says anything remotely cheesy.

It’s hard for you to decipher what exactly is going on but you can tell he’s being sincere and everything doesn’t seem to add up. You hate that you’re doubting him like this when there hasn’t actually been solid evidence to say that he’s cheating on you.

“I know,” You smile meekly and he takes the chance to kiss you on the lips, his thumb caressing the apple of your cheek.

“What do you want to do today? I’m all yours today, I promise,” He smiles, switching off his phone just to prove that nothing was going to come in between the both of you for the day.

“Honestly… Can we just have a lazy day?” You mumble, laughing and he shakes his head as he laughs in return. He would’ve been surprised if you had suggested anything else.

Jungkook manages to convince you to spend the day lounging by the lake that the house looked out to, Buster lighting up at the words swim! Already speeding out of the house when you open the door. Both you and Jungkook spend hours simply laying side by side, laughing at each other as Buster enjoys his swim. You’re maybe into your second bottle of beer, soaking up the warm rays of the sun when he suddenly rises to pick you up, running down the length of the dock and jumping in with you in hand. You wrestle with him in the water, Jungkook laughing wildly at how furious you were but your grumbling soon turns to laughter too and you cling onto Jungkook like a koala, too lazy to swim yourself. It’s when he shrugs you off his back, turning around so he can hold you to his chest that you feel warmth bloom in your own because his smile lights up your world and you love him so much, you really do.

“I love you,” You smile, pulling him in closer for a kiss and he mumbles the same words back to you over and over again in between the kisses he plants on your lips. Screw those nosy ladies that make you doubt the man before you, screw the perfume you smell on his shirt because in this very moment, all you know is, a love like this cannot be fabricated and maybe it’s because you want to believe it but the way he says those 3 words to you, you don’t think he’s off spending his nights saying them to someone else.

As Jungkook waits for you at the shore of the lake, he can’t help but laugh at how similar this looked to when he had first spotted you here, Buster beside you, yourself in that adorable bathing suit of yours and good god, how much has changed since then and now. You skip down the length of the dock, linking arms with him when you finally reach him, and he thinks that he has to move the timeline up because he can’t wait any longer. But no, he has everything planned out, every single detail and it’s going to be absolutely perfect.

Jungkook hates, hates, hates it when he’s having a lovely Sunday brunch with you at the diner, completely lost in your eyes, loving the fact that he gets to spend every second of the day with you, only to be rudely interrupted by the extremely loving and yet, overbearing old ladies that would pop in for a meal at just about the same time.

“So, when are you going to buy her a big diamond ring? You wait long enough, someone else might swoop her up, you know?”

Jungkook blushes every damn time because of course he knows, you’re a gem, one in a million and he’s so lucky to be able to call you his girlfriend but it’s been two years now since he’s met you (again) and everyone and their mother knows that the both of you are so in love, that sometimes they forget that the both of you aren’t married, not even engaged.

Truth is, Jungkook has had the ring for close to 6 months now. It’s buried deep at the back of his sock drawer, a sizeable 15-karat diamond, surrounded by many fewer, smaller diamonds. It’s beautiful, grand and very, very expensive but it’s the only ring he believes can show you just how much he cares. He had spent hours in the store talking to the jeweler, viewing ring after ring just to make sure he could get you the perfect one. He’s been waiting and waiting, wondering when exactly would be the right moment to ask you or if he should put it off for another year because he didn’t want to scare you. He knows giving you the ring has a finality to it, that it means commitment, which is something you fear deeply.

“Diamond rings are overrated, and the diamond industry is horrible,” You groan at the ladies who’ve made themselves at home in the booth you and Jungkook were sitting at. “Child labour, slave labour and all for what? A shiny rock?” You scoff, shaking your head. “I don’t need a diamond ring, I don’t want one,” You huff, crossing your arms.

Jungkook feels a pang of fear strike him in his chest, worrying at the thought of you screaming in horror if you had found the ring or worse! If he had dropped down on one knee, the ring in hand… he can only imagine the look of disgust on your face. For the first time ever, Jungkook is grateful that the women had stopped by to pester the two of you today because he knows he’s getting rid of that ring first thing tomorrow morning.

Months later…

It’s the anniversary of the day he had first met you, yes, that would be the day he saw you at the gala when you were 8. You probably don’t remember the date, but Jungkook does, his diary entry from years ago telling him about the fateful day he met a girl that made the stinkin’ dinner that much bearable.

He’s been planning this for months now and as he stares down at the weather app on his phone, he frowns for there is a 50% chance of rain. Luck never really was on his side, the universe forever conspiring against him, he believes. The thumping sound in his chest and the way his palms seem to sweat no matter how many times he’s wiped them on his pants tells him that the day is finally here, that after months’ worth of hard work, he’s finally ready.

Jungkook had given both himself and Jimin the day off and begged him to take you to town, or anywhere really, just far from the home you shared with him. The moment you leave the house, waving him goodbye as you jumped into Jimin’s car, he goes into overdrive mode, pulling up his phone to dial the florist as he headed to the basement to pull out everything he needed to make tonight perfect.

It’s a little past 8 when Jungkook gets a text, one that informs him that both you and Jimin were going to be back soon and he lets out a deep breath, looking into the mirror one last time before standing in front of the door to wait for you, bouquet in hand.

“I’m ho— Oh?” You stumble backwards when you’re met with Jungkook standing right in front of you, shoving the flowers in your face.

“I uhh, picked these up on the way home from work,” He lies, a nervous smile on his lips. “Thought of you when I passed by them… so yeah.”

“Thank you, babe,” You grin, pecking him on the cheek before you take the bouquet from him.

“You’re dressed fancy,” You murmur, placing the bouquet on the counter. “Are you… going somewhere?” You question, unsure if he had told you he had some dinner to attend. Was that this week or next week?

“N-no, I just wanted to look nice for you,” He smiles and you laugh, quirking your eyebrow at him.

“Do you know what day today is?” He questions, grabbing your hand, leading you up the stairs.

“A Tuesday?” You answer, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you shuffle behind him. “Kook, what’s going on?”

“It’s the anniversary of the day we first met… when we were 8,” He grins, hand still intertwined with yours as he walks you all the way up to the final floor of the house, the rooftop patio.

“How do you remember that?” You question, laughing. “You should’ve told me over the weekend! I would’ve gotten you someth—“

Your sentence is cut short as you take in the way the patio has been so beautifully lit up, fairy lights hanging over a make shift blanket fort that Jungkook has created. It looked like something off Pinterest and maybe that’s why you had caught him on the website weeks ago, looking through some pictures that looked very similar to what was in front of you.

“Kook, what is all of this?”

“I know I haven’t been home lately,” He frowns, shuffling in his spot. “And, we’ve missed so many movie nights so, I thought I could make it up to you with this,” He beams, tugging you along to take a seat with him amongst the numerous amount of pillows laid out atop the mattress.

“H-how did you get this mattress up here? And where did you find all these pillows? And that projector thing— Did we always have one?” You question referring to the huge screen that was set up in front of you.

The pure shock on your face is enough to send Jungkook into a laughing fit and he can’t help but place a kiss on your lips. God, you’re adorable.

“We’ll talk about that later,” He laughs, busying himself with the movie system he had set up for the night. He puts on the movie the both of you had meant to watch in the cinema 2 weeks ago but a last-minute meeting meant that the two of you had to miss it. Jungkook had pulled every single string he could just to get this movie for his own personal viewing before it’s available to the masses ala pay per view or DVD and he now owes a few too many people a favour or two but it’s all worth it if it’s for you.

“Are you… some kind of miracle worker?” You gasp. “Jungkook seriously… how did you get this movie? Isn’t it still showing in the theatres? How did you do all of this?”

“Through the power of my love for you,” He beams and 3, 2, 1, there it is, the signature scrunch of your nose. He laughs as you scowl at him, mumbling under your breath and he snuggles up closer to you even as you attempt to shove him away. It’s a hobby of Jungkook’s to throw cheesy lines your way because he knows you hate them and by hate them he means he knows you secretly love them.

It’s maybe 15 minutes into the movie when he feels a light drop of water on his cheek. No, no, no. Please no. He thinks maybe if he ignores it, the rain will simply go away. You look up to the sky, putting your palm out to check if that had been rain or you were just imagining it. You don’t stand there thinking for long because the drizzle soon becomes light rain and the two of you are quickly getting up to set away the snacks that Jungkook had laid out. Within seconds, the rain comes pouring down and you’re laughing as you try to wrap everything up into a blanket, quickly rushing into the house as he unplugs the wires, trying to lug both the speakers and the projector indoors.

By the time the two of you are able to get mostly everything into the house, the both of you are absolutely drenched. Though you’ve taken the situation very lightly, laughing as you tried to dry your hair with a towel, Jungkook has decided to sulk in a corner instead.

“Babe, aw come on, lighten up! The night’s not over yet. The movie just started,” You smile as you bring the towel up to wipe away the rainwater on his face.

You set up the movie in the living room as Jungkook dug his hand into the bowl of soggy popcorn, still frowning as he takes his seat next to you, watching the movie with you silently, only daring to speak when the credits begin to roll.

“I had everything planned out,” He sighs. “This has been months in the making,” He sulks.

“And I appreciate it,” You smile. “It was perfect,” You kiss him on the cheek, bringing your thumb up to stroke the apple of his cheek.

“No… I just… this all went down a little differently in my head.”

“Jungkook, I loved every second of tonight. Stop beating yourself up over something you couldn’t control. It was just a little rain.”

“I know but—”

“It was perfect, really. Tonight has been one of the best nights of the year. I had so much fun,” You smile cupping his face with both hands and he still has a small pout on his lips. “I love you so much, you know that? I know I don’t say it as often as most usually do but I really, really love you.”

“But it’s just… Y/N,” He breathes in deeply, his hands removing yours from his face as he sinks to one knee. “I had a whole speech planned out, one that would coincide with the ending of the movie but I’m so nervous, I’ve forgotten everything.”

You see Jungkook on a singular knee his hand holding onto yours softly and your chest tightens.

“You’re everything to me, you really are, and I can’t imagine a day without you. I always look forward to the end of the day because it means I get to come home to you and that’s all I ever want,” He smiles. “Forever.”

You’re staring at him, your eyes almost popping out of your sockets and Jungkook allows himself a few seconds before he asks the question that’s been on his mind for close to a year now.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is… Will you marry me?”

“Jungkook…” Your voice barely audible as you look at the man before you, all teary eyed. “Yes, I— Yes!”

There’s an audible sigh of relief just before you pull him up for a kiss. The smile he has on is unbeatable and he kisses you again and again, almost like he doesn’t believe that you said yes. With shaky hands, he slides the ring onto your finger, letting out a deep breath when he finds that it fits just right.

“Don’t worry, it’s white sapphire, not diamond!” He exclaims as he watches you examine the ring. “Y-you said you hated diamonds so I, uhh got rid of the diamond one I originally bought.”

“What?”

“You told the ladies… you hated diamonds because… you know, slave labour and child labour and—”

“Jungkook, that was… that was just to get them to shut up, I didn’t really mean it… I mean I did but— You bought two rings?”

“Well I bought one, the diamond one… but I made this one,” He murmurs, blushing. “Yeah you can tell can’t you… I know, I should’ve just got it professionally made but I uhh thought it’d make it more special… if I made it but if it’s a little wonky and doesn’t fit well then you know why.”

Jungkook shrinks away, a little embarrassed because he hadn’t really thought about what your reaction would be when he tells you that he had made the ring. In his mind, it was the perfect gift, considering that you were an artist yourself… He thought what way to tell you better that he loves you and appreciates you by giving you something that couldn’t be bought with money, that was one of a kind, not 100% perfect but is filled with love and hard work, something like you.

“You made it? Like physically?”

“Yeah, that’s why I’ve been home late… One of my clients owns a jewelry workshop on the side and when I told her my plan, she offered to help me out.”

You’re crying and Jungkook’s scared because oh god, now you think he’s some cheap asshole who didn’t get you a diamond ring but then he hears you laugh as you wipe away your tears, your hands pulling him in for a hug.

“Y-you don’t like it do you? I’m sorry I—” Jungkook’s stammering, trying hard to salvage the situation and you pull away from him to plant a lingering kiss on his lips just to shut him up, just to tell him you absolutely love it.

There’s a moment of comfortable silence as he watches you examine the ring and he’s biting his lip nervously, hoping you can’t see the flaws as clearly as he does. He doesn’t know but you can’t see the flaws, not even a single one because you’re too busy admiring the fact that Jungkook had (with minimal help) crafted a ring! He had modeled it after the diamond ring he originally bought but… you didn’t need to know that. You murmur words of wonder and amazement beneath your breath and in that second Jungkook thinks it’s worth it. All those late nights, all the moments of pure frustration as he tries to twist the metal in just the right way or moments of pure nervousness as he tries to hide the tiny pricks and cuts on the pads of his fingers from you, it’s all worth it just to see the delight on your face.

“It’s funny,” You smile, as if embarrassed. “The ladies tried to convince me that you were cheating on me and I… I kind of well, was semi-convinced because of the late nights and perfume on your—"

“Cheat? God, Y/N, no, never.”

“I know, I know but it was just…” You murmur looking down at the ring nervously, and he waits for you to continue your sentence or say anything really but Jungkook can see how the main piece of white sapphire seemed to be slightly crooked.

“Listen, i-if you don’t like the ring I can always get you a diamond one again.”

“Jungkook, no,” You laugh, cupping his cheeks. “This is perfect. I love it,” You smile.

The shy smile he gives you makes your heart feel like leaping out of your chest and also melting into a puddle at the same time. For the longest time he only gazes at you, his eyes looking at you as if you are the entire Universe and to him, you are.

“I love you,” He sighs sweetly, turning his head so he could leave a soft kiss on the inside of your palm.

You don’t have to say it back to him, he already knows you do too, but he loves hearing it anyway and when you finally say I love you too between the kisses you pepper him with, he thinks he can’t possibly have a day better than this one in his entire life.

Fortunately, that’s a lie. With you, there came many more days he considers the best day of his life but really with you he couldn’t pick. Okay, no, that’s also a lie. There’s a handful of days he can pick out and he’s really trying to keep himself to a limit here so, he settles on 5 special days, of course, not including the day he got engaged to you.

one

It’s the day or really days right after the two of you get your marriage registered, having called Jimin and his family down to the office with only a few hours’ notice to be witnesses to your marriage. It’s spontaneous, ridiculous, much like your relationship with Jungkook but when he proposed the idea of it the other day, it didn’t take more than a second for you to shrug and say, why not? You should’ve known Jungkook and his spontaneous ideas were never really that spontaneous because he’s standing in front of you, presenting you with an itinerary of just what the two of you were going to do at Ko Lipe, a post-marriage gift, he says. You had on the most adorable expression, one mixed between shock and pure joy before it all fades and you furrow your eyebrows.

“What about work? Don’t you have a lot going on right now?”

“Ahh, I closed all my open-ended deals in the last month just for this… Just for you.”

Ugh, even he cringes at how goddamn cheesy he is when he’s talking to you but it’s almost as if his mouth had a mind of its own sometimes. You hum at that, pursing your lips so your smile wouldn’t show. He must’ve planned this months in advance. Spur of the moment thing my ass, you scoff mentally, but it’s more of a you’re-such-a-thoughtful-dork-and-I-love-you kind of scoff rather than a mean-spirited one. How does he always seem to know that your answer to any of his ‘spontaneous’ decisions will always be yes?

“So, you’re saying we’re going to have a week’s worth of privacy? No phone calls to interrupt us? Just you and me?”

“Just you and me,” He nods. “I’m leaving my work phone at home, see!” He pulls the drawer of the side table to show you the handphone that’s usually glued to his ear.

“No! I mean don’t do that… What if something goes wrong at work?”

“Then Jimin can deal with it,” He smiles.

You stand there thinking if it really is a good idea to just up and leave the country when you had found both you and him plastered across the gossip section of every major news outlet and magazine this morning, the mere mention of the two of you getting married enough to cause an online frenzy. It’s the story everyone’s ever wanted, the Jeon and Y/L/N rivalry finally put to an end by love. Except, both you and Jungkook know the truth, both your fathers and perhaps even brothers will forever be at loggerheads, even more so now that the Jeons were behind bars.

“Come on babe,” He whines. “It’ll be our very own island adventure!” He exclaims, placing a pair of sunglasses on for you and a straw sun hat on himself. 

“You’ll get me to go even if I do say no, won’t you?” You laugh and he winks at you because it’s the truth. He already had your bags packed… which would explain why you couldn’t find your favourite pair of shorts this morning.

Just like that, you’re whisked off to Ko Lipe, in a private jet he had borrowed from one of his clients. The press back home is having a field day, everyone wondering just where the two people the public want to see the most have disappeared to. You look down to your phone to see multiple missed calls from your parents and your siblings as reporter after reporter show up at your family’s residence, badgering them for comments. They didn’t know what to tell the press because well, they weren’t informed of the whole marriage registration debacle themselves!

All of that is the last thing that’s on your mind as you bury your toes in the sand, gazing out into the vast ocean blue. You aren’t given much thinking time anyway as Jungkook drags you out to do any form of extreme water sports that the private resort offers. Be it parasailing or going for one of those jet ski tours to the remote neighbouring islands and caves, it’s like you don’t even have time to catch your breath before he’s pulling you to the sign-up booth, looking for something else to do.

I, Island, Ko Lipe. The answer to the I of DIADEM, the family code that comes to you naturally no matter how long it’s been since you’ve been forced to recite it. It’s a thought that comes to you in passing as you’re laid out on a deck chair, finally being able to rest after Jungkook’s daily dose of adrenaline inducing adventures. This place, this island means so much to you and it means so much to Jungkook too. It’s been years since you’ve been back here, perhaps even longer for Jungkook and every single day spent here has been like a dream. You remember this island to be a place where you finally felt like you belonged in your family and you’re glad that now that you’re here again you don’t just ‘feel’ like you belong to a family, you know you’re part of a family, because right next to you is the man you’re going to marry, technically you already have. He smiles at you when he catches you staring at him, blowing you an obnoxious kiss just so he can see you scowl at him. 

You hope he feels the same way you do, hope that he knows you can’t ever replace the love his mother has for him, can’t replace the memories he has of this island when he was much younger, exploring the island as his mother chased after him but you hope he allows this trip, the numerous moments you’ve had with him to add on to the fact that this island will always be special to him. If only you knew you didn’t have to hope. Jungkook’s already committed to documenting every single moment of this trip, having had taken an unreal number of photos along with hours upon hours of footage just so he could look back on it all whenever he wanted to because he feels this whole week has been the best damn week of his life.

two

The two of you return home after a rather exhausting yet refreshing week at Ko Lipe. The press has seemingly forgotten about the two of you or have simply given up on trying to locate either of you. Jungkook spends most of the week working from home and you decide against leaving the mountains at all, neither of you wanting to deal with a publicity shitstorm. It’s perhaps months after, when the two of you know that you’re definitely in the clear that you decide to send out invitations to your wedding, a relatively small one with no less than 50 people that’s slated to happen in the backyard, next to the lake. To be fair, most of the attendees were going to be the people from town, the only outsiders would be your family and Jimin and his family. Jungkook adamant as he is, refuses to extend an invitation to his step-mother, unwilling to forgive the fact that she had allowed his father and brother to go to the lengths they did in order to try and be level with Y/L/N Logistics. You don’t argue with him, respecting that it was his decision to make and honestly, regarding your own family, you aren’t quite sure if they are actually going to show up considering the fact that you hadn’t personally called them back after the whole out of the blue marriage registration fiasco, only sending them a text to confirm that yes, you had indeed decided to marry Jungkook.

The wedding day comes faster than Jungkook could have imagined and suddenly he’s sweating nervously as he stands at the end of the aisle, the guests rising from their seats as the wedding march begins to play. The ceremony is simple yet elegant, only a small flower arch at the end of the aisle and 50 white chairs at either side of the white carpet. Every single seat is occupied, all except one because it’s Jimin who stands beside you, arm linked with yours as you walk down the aisle. Your breath almost gets caught in your throat when you spot your family amidst the crowd. The blank faces on you father, mother and brother tells you that it must’ve been your sister that had dragged all 3 of them here. You send her an appreciative smile because though growing up in that house with your family hadn’t been great, you still do in fact share the same blood and you still do love them, despite their flaws. 

You look forward when you hear Jimin let out a light laugh, and this time it’s like your breath is taken away when you finally lay eyes on your soon to be husband. He stands tall in a classic suit, looking dapper and handsome as always. You can see the way Jungkook has already started to tear up and you guess that’s why Jimin had been laughing but truth be told, you were on the verge of tears yourself. Jungkook feels almost light headed when he sees you standing next to him because you look unreal, absolutely gorgeous in all white. Your dress isn’t the princess type with a long train but it’s a rather modest one, a simple number that seemed to drape over your body perfectly, hugging you in just the right places but more than that, it’s your face, like you’re almost glowing and Jungkook’s heart picks up it’s pace because the day he has been dreaming of is finally here and he keeps thinking that he must be the luckiest man alive to finally (almost) officially be able to spend the rest of his life with you.

The crowd coos as Buster makes his way down the aisle, the small box containing the rings attached to his collar. He’s clearly enjoying the attention because he stops to pose for photos, almost stealing the show! But, he makes it to the end in timely fashion, stopping next to Jimin so he could detach the box from the collar. Nervously, both you and Jungkook take the rings from the box.

Jungkook starts with his vows first and his voice cracks when he starts, almost unable to hold back the impending tears. He clears his throat with a laugh before he looks up to gaze at you, telling you that he hopes you know that by marrying him you’re going to have to live with the fact that he always seems to fart up a storm every morning and that although he apologizes for it, it’s something he can’t control, and he hopes it’s something you won’t leave him for once he’s old and gray, and out of money.

Jungkook doesn’t even have to look at the paper he has in his hand because he already knows what he wants to tell you by heart. Aside from his mother, you are the only person that sees him for who he is, for who he can be and who he wanted to be. You bring out the best in him and with you by his side, he truly thinks he’d be able to do anything. He promises you a life full of adventure, happiness and genuine love because you deserved the world and he was going to give you everything he could. 

You regret choosing to go second because now you’re forced to wipe away your tears while you read out your vows, because really, how could you listen to Jungkook speak like that and not cry. When you begin, you’re stammering and Jungkook offers you a soft smile before reaching out to gently wipe away a stray tear or two. You let out a deep exhale, abandoning the piece of paper that you had worked day and night on because the words on there just weren’t good enough to explain how grateful you are for the man before you. All you really want to say is that you’re so glad that Jungkook loves you wholeheartedly for who you are, and you promise to love him the same. The world has always told the both of you that the pair of you just aren’t destined to be but to hell with that. You believed in creating your own fate, your own destiny and you’ll be damned if Jungkook wasn’t a part of that. If soulmates exist, you are quite sure that he is yours. He knows you inside and out, perhaps even better than yourself and you know you’d never want to spend your life in the arms of another for he truly is your escape. You tell him that you only hope to be his too and he laughs shaking his head and utters 7 words that has your heart flip-flopping in your chest.

“You’re not my escape,” He smiles. “You’re my home.”

When the two of you finally slide on the ring on each other’s finger, there’s cheers that ring around the backyard, Buster barking excitedly as the two of you share the first kiss of your official ceremonially confirmed marriage. There isn’t a person in attendance that feels bitter about the marriage, not even your family despite the unreadable expression on their faces. Truth be told, they’re happy for you. You deserved better, more than they’ve ever given you, they were human enough to admit that and they’re glad that you finally have someone that can give you everything they never did.

When the ceremony is all over and done with, it’s just an hour before sun down, enough time for the two of you to change out of your respective outfits for something more comfortable. A short drive later, you find yourself with your hand intertwined with Jungkook’s as the two of you sat by the grave of his mother, listening as he tells her about the day, tells her he wishes she was here. You let your other hand rest on top of his and you tell her thank you, thank you for giving birth to the man that you love so much and that you intend to care for him, like she had, until the end of time.

three

The story of special day number three starts perhaps almost two years into the marriage, almost 6 months before said day. You’re sat at the table with Jungkook, friendly conversation going around between the other people seated at the table. It’s the anniversary of the founding of the town and every single resident has found themselves at the local square to celebrate, eat and drink the day away. You’re looking further off in the distance, having zoned out of the lovely little discussion that was going on around you to look at the children running circles around each other, giggling and talking amongst each other, your gaze ever so warm and fond.

“Do you think you’ll ever want any of your own?” The lady beside you asks and Jungkook perks up to listen to your reply, knowing the answer to this question full well because he’s asked you once or twice before when you’re cuddled up next to him in bed.

“No, they’re too much work,” You laugh and the lady laughs along with you agreeing to your statement. Everyone thinks it’s true, that you don’t want children of your own because they’re messy and loud but Jungkook knows better, knows the look in your eyes whenever you look at them from afar, it’s one that people have when they’re looking at something they can’t have. Jungkook thinks that it has to do with your childhood, that your parents, no matter how much you refuse to admit it have scarred you so deeply that you can’t possibly fathom having a child on the off chance that in a moment of anger, you would say something to your child that was remotely similar to what your parents had said to you over and over again over the course of your childhood. People often say that children will take after their parents when they’re older and if anything, that is your worst nightmare, to become the people who had caused you so much hurt.

Jungkook joins in the conversation, nodding that the two of you simply wouldn’t have time for a child, which is a lie because Jungkook would do anything to make sure he has time for his child, if he had one that is. But he lies, lies for you because he knows what will follow after if he doesn’t say anything. They’ll badger you with questions like: But who will look after you when you’re old if you have no children? Do you hate children? Are you sure you’ll never want them? He prefers to take the brunt of it, letting them know that he wouldn’t know the first thing about being a father but of course that’s a lie too. Jungkook knows just what kind of father he would be. He would be everything his father wasn’t.

It’s exactly 5 months and 3 weeks since that dinner, since you had that conversation that made your stomach churn, which actually is quite funny since your stomach has been doing a lot of that lately even without having been asked the classic question of why you haven’t thought about having children yet.

You refuse to think about it, refuse to admit that certain smells, one that are completely normal, like the fudge brownies that you usually bake suddenly makes you feel like throwing up or the fact that you had literally forced Jungkook to drive you to the city in the middle of the night because your fried chicken craving was driving you insane.

Something at the back of your mind tells you that these are classic signs of… of… you don’t even want to say it because maybe if you didn’t, it wouldn’t be true. You think back to the past two weeks or so, acknowledging that yes, maybe you had allowed Jungkook to forgo the condom but that’s because you had been on the pill, right?! Not like you had missed a day or two in the past week, right?! Not like your period isn’t on time this month, right?! You wondered how many more lies you could tell yourself until you would have to drive down to the pharmacy in the city to pick up, you know, that special stick? The answer is not many because in just a few hours you’re in your bathroom with the stick in hand, wondering if you were supposed to pee on it sitting down? Standing up? Did it matter? You let out an annoyed groan before reaching into the box to pull out the instructions.

Two blue lines stare back at you and you let out a small scream. You pee on another stick… or maybe 5… just to be sure, you know? And now you’re looking down at 6 sticks that tell you the same thing… that you’re, that you’re… you can’t even bring yourself to say it.

You stuff everything into the plastic bag from the pharmacy, keeping at least one stick because… you had to tell Jungkook right? You keep the test somewhere in the back of your closet, beneath a pile of clothes, trying to form sentences in your head, wondering how the news would sit with him but first, you needed to accept reality and somehow you just refuse to.

You’re skittish around Jungkook for the next few days and though he notices it, he doesn’t bring it up because usually when he gives you time, you’ll let him know whatever it is that’s on your mind. He thinks you’re upset with him, waiting for him to figure out whatever it is without telling him and he’s trying so hard, running through every single thing he had done over the past week just to see if he could find whatever it is that he had done wrong. Was it because he forgot to flush the toilet that one day? It is isn’t it?

It’s the day, D-day, you proclaim. It has been a full week since you’ve taken the test and you’ve had exactly 7 days to think of what to say. You think a short speech would suffice… butter him up first and then apologize for missing the pill or something… but it’s not that part you’re really worried about, you sigh. It’s the fact that you’re going to have to raise a human being and you know Jungkook won’t say no to the idea, in fact you know he’ll be ecstatic, but he hasn’t thought it over like you. You’re not worried about the finances, or the fact that you’ll be incapable of loving the child, because you’ll do nothing but love your child, cherish them, but you’re worried your child won’t love you back or that Jungkook wouldn’t either because… you’re you and you’re flawed in the worst possible way, in a way that you couldn’t change even if you tried.

You’re so busy thinking that you hadn’t heard Jungkook come through the front door and you quickly stuff the pregnancy test behind you, between the pillows on the couch you were sitting on.

“Y/N, babe, listen,” Jungkook smiles nervously as he takes a seat beside you on the couch, loosening the tie around his neck. “I know you’re upset with me but I swear I thought I flushed the toilet—”

“I’m pregnant,” You blurt out and you immediately shut your eyes because fuck you were supposed to shower him with compliments first! Tell him that it had been an honest mistake, that you had forgotten that you had missed a pill that week when you told him he didn’t need the condom.

“You’re pregnant,” He murmurs, and you let out a sigh, an apology on the tip of your tongue when you look at him, his eyebrows furrowed together as if he had never heard the word before. “You’re pregnant!” He repeats, his face somewhere between shock and joy as it finally dawns on him why you’ve been acting so weird lately. A large smile finds it way onto Jungkook’s face and he’s about to engulf you in a hug, pick you up and swing you around in his arms but then he sees the way your bottom lip wobbles and suddenly there’s a stream of tears rolling down your cheeks. He’s stunned for a second because wait, was that not the reaction you had wanted from him?

“Babe… Hey, Y/N… What’s wrong?” He quickly asks, scooting closer towards you so he can hold you close, wipe away your tears. You’re only shaking your head, sobbing so hard that it makes Jungkook’s heart break into two. He lets you take your time, simply gripping your hand when you produce the pregnancy test from behind the pillows, the two lines showing that you are indeed, pregnant.

“What if… what if,” You hiccup, sobs chopping up your sentence. “What if our baby’s a 4?”

Oh, ohhh, Jungkook understands now, realizes just why you’re crying.

“You’re going to end up hating me and our baby will too,” You mumble, picturing just what it’ll be like, complete silence in your house, absolute distaste burning behind Jungkook’s eyes when the number begins to glow above your child’s head.

“I…,” Jungkook’s at a complete loss of words, unable to comprehend just why you’d think that. “I’d never hate you,” He says rather sternly, as if he’s upset that you’d ever think that.

He catches it, the look on your face, one that says you didn’t believe him at all. It’s because he doesn’t know, you sigh, doesn’t understand what it’s like and you’ve experienced it one too many times, how people accept you at first despite your number but one by one, they all seem to leave you in the dust.

“Nothing will ever stop me from loving you… nothing,” He breathes, bringing up his hand to stroke your cheek, imploring for you to look at him. “Do you understand that?”

You neither nod or shake your head, your eyes simply downcast as you fiddle nervously with the pregnancy test in your hand.

“Whatever our baby’s number is, even if it’s a damn zero, I’m gonna love our baby all the same,” He smiles, prying the pregnancy test out of your hand so he can hold yours. “And I will always, always love you. That will never change.”

This time, you give him a little nod which makes him smile and he uses his thumb to rub comforting circles to the back of your palm.

“What if.. what if our baby hates me?” You frown. “I don’t want our baby to go through what I did, Kook,” You sigh, your shoulders drooping down as you refer to your painful childhood, the fact that you were viewed as if you were like scum simply because you had a single digit number. You don’t want to bring another human being into the world just for them to feel nothing but pain.

“Our baby won’t,” He reassures you, his tone strong and sure as if he was promising you that, but you know he can’t change what others would think of your child. “You and I are going to love our child so much that the sun is going to shine out of their ass because all they’ll ever know is love,” He smiles. “And, I’ll fight everyone and anyone who tries to hurt them or you, you hear me?”

You let out a light laugh, appreciating how Jungkook could make you feel better no matter the pain you feel in your chest and you smile at him affectionately. He takes the chance to press a light kiss to your cheek as if to let you know that he understands how hard this must be for you, that you must’ve been going over these thoughts again and again for some time now. The smile you have fades as quickly as it came though and he sees you lick the corner of your lips, tears threatening to reappear again.

“I… I won’t force you to… you know have a child,” He whispers, his hand giving yours a short squeeze. “It’s up to you love.”

“No, I want to keep it,” You answer almost instantaneously.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jungkook tries to hide his excitement but he does a horrible job of it because he’s quite literally bouncing in his seat.

“I’m so happy, I really am,” He smiles before he calms down considerably, letting out a deep exhale as he placed his hand on your cheek to get your attention. “Listen I… I want this but only if you do. Don’t just say yes because you think that’s what I want you to say.”

“No, no,” You laugh. “I want this, I do.”

You really did, and maybe you just needed to hear that Jungkook was going to be with you every step of the way, that your child, no matter what, won’t have a childhood that’s anywhere close to yours.

“We’re having a baby,” He murmurs, almost as if he was talking to himself, then he turns to you. “You and me, our own little human!”

He’s so endearing it makes your heart hurt. He presses a kiss to your lips, something he had been wanting to do since you had uttered the two words that has made this day one of the best days in his life. He tells you again and again that he loves you and you tell him the same, thinking you’ll never grow tired of him, of his love. It’s a thought that begins to falter later on during the pregnancy because it’s as if your child is having a fucking karate lesson in your belly, kicking non-stop, especially when you wanted to sleep. Sometimes you almost feel like strangling Jungkook, wanting to scream at him because it’s his fault! He did this to you! He was the reason there’s a baby in your stomach but he pacifies you with fried chicken, even if it’s 3 am in the morning so, you let him live to fight another day. To be honest, this whole pregnancy thing scares Jungkook a little because sometimes you were moody, downright scary but he can only try his best to make the whole carrying a child in your belly thing less stressful by massaging your feet. For the most part, watching your stomach grow with size has been entertaining and he makes sure to take a picture each week just because and usually it’s a relatively ordinary process but one time you beckon him over, making him lie next to you.

“Watch this,” You smile as you lay on the bed.

He’s staring at your belly curiously, unsure what he’s supposed to be looking for because he sees it every day, leaves a light kiss on it all the time. Then he sees it, your belly moving as if there’s something growing inside and he lets out a light yelp. You laugh uncontrollably as Jungkook stares with his mouth agape. Of course, he knew you were pregnant, that you had a baby growing inside of you but yet he hadn’t really comprehended that until now. He whips out his phone just to record it because do people know babies do that? He didn’t. He wonders what Jimin would think of it.

“Okay, now go get me some fried chicken,” You command after having had enough of Jungkook rubbing his palm over your belly, just to be sure that it was your belly that was moving and not just him imagining it.

“Yes ma’am,” He answers with a salute.

four

Jungkook wishes he has more to say about this day but to be fair, he felt like he wasn’t even fully present on the day himself because he was genuinely about to shit himself when you told him your water had broke. He rushed you to the hospital, not forgetting to grab the bag that the two of you had already packed in advance, knowing that this day was approaching.

As you go through labour pains, you grip his hand, hard and Jungkook swears he might have a hairline fracture on a finger or two because boy did you have a grip but he understands and it’s a small price he’s willing to pay considering it isn’t him that is pushing out a human out of his damn body.

When he hears the first cry, his heart almost stops beating and then starts beating at twice it’s normal speed when the doctor turns to him to speak.

“Would you like to carry her?”

Her! A baby girl! Which he already knows from the ultrasounds early on in the pregnancy but still! Anyway, back to the question, would he like to carry her? Yes. No. Yes. No. What if he drops her?

“I’m uhh, not sure how to carry—”

The doctor laughs softly before he gives instructions to Jungkook like he has to many new fathers. Jungkook sways his crying child in his arms cooing at her as you look up at him with tired eyes. Even in your exhaustion, you manage a few tears, a lot less compared to Jungkook who’s kind of almost sobbing in the operation theatre.

_________, He murmurs the name the two of you had decided weeks ago. It fit her perfectly, he thinks, even if at this point, all babies look the same to him.

It’s the best day of his life… or at least one of, he smiles. He cradles his little baby in his arms for a few more seconds before he steps closer to you, letting you hold your child for the first time. A family, he sighs. A real one. And he was going to make it the best damn one.

five

Jungkook is cautious with his daughter at first because she’s tiny, fragile and he’s afraid he might break her by just touching her but his heart becomes goo in his chest whenever he sees her fidget in the crib, kick out her tiny little feet or you know just… breathe in general. He’s absolutely whipped for his child and why shouldn’t he be? He loves her and thinks she’s the cutest baby to ever exist and he doesn’t care if the lady in town says all parents think that their child is the cutest because she’s wrong, his child is the cutest, ever, no question about it… even if she’s the reason he gets exactly 0.2 hours of sleep every night. He won’t lie, parenting is extremely exhausting and he’s fought with you over these past months more than ever but in the end it’s all worth it when she’s asleep in the crib and he drags himself back to bed to cuddle with you.

Watching _________ grow up is magical to him. From the day she manages to sit up, to the day she manages to murmur things, to the day she takes her first steps with absolutely no help at all (which he managed to record!), every single milestone makes Jungkook smile until his cheeks begin to ache. He simply can’t believe that he has a child, often pointing down to her in the crib before looking at you to say, we made that! To which your reply is often, yeah, and I did most of the work, which he admits is true but still, the child is half him, he often reminds you.

He loves his daughter with everything he has and would completely spoil her if it wasn’t for you who was there to keep him in check and he thinks he’s done absolutely everything he could to make sure she knows that he loves her and yet, she still hasn’t said the thing he wishes to hear the most. She’s a 98, just like him which honestly, came as a surprise to both you and him but despite the matching number, she doesn’t do what he expects of her, doesn’t say what he’s been hoping to hear for a while now.

It’s frustrating for Jungkook but in all of her 7-ish months of life, she’s said a grand total of 3 words, that being,

Doggy, because Buster, he’s just a charmer. From babies to old ladies, he had ‘em all in the palm of his… paws.

Yum, often repeated twice, was codeword for I’m hungry and you better feed me before I start screaming.

And the one he was the least happy about,

Mama

You could see the pure disappointment on his face when his daughter uttered it not once, not twice but three times in a row as she stretched her hands outwards, wanting to be carried.

“I’ll carry you!” Jungkook exclaims. “You just have to say it! Say dad!” He instructs her but she simply turns away, looking at you as you swoop her up into your hands.

He repeats the word ‘Dad’ to her like a goddamn parrot, day in, day out, hoping that one day she would repeat after him, but she doesn’t. Jungkook’s given up hope, stops trying after weeks of saying the same word over and over, silently waiting for the day his daughter acknowledges him.

Luckily for him, the day comes not too long after when it’s a summer day where Jungkook is lazing around on the carpet, his daughter laying atop his chest, taking a nap. He has his hands beneath his head, eyes slowly fluttering as he feels himself drifting off to sleep but he’s startled awake when he feels his daughter move groggily on his chest letting out a few whines.

“_______, are ya awake?”

More whines before she’s rubbing at her eyes sleepily.

He places his hands on her, gently stroking her back as her eyes finally flutter open and a light smile finds it’s way onto Jungkook’s lips. It’s a miracle she isn’t crying like she usually does when she wakes up from her nap. She stares curiously at him as if there were a thousand thoughts going through her adorably tiny head.

“Dada.”

Jungkook stops breathing for a second and his mouth hangs open, in shock.

“Dada,” She repeats.

“Y/N!!!!” He screams, picking off _______ from his chest. “Get your phone!”

“What?” You call from the kitchen, your tone almost nonchalant as if Jungkook wasn’t witnessing the most important moment of his life right now.

“Your phone! Now!” He shouts as he scrambles to his feet, cradling _______ against him.

He makes his way to the kitchen to find you still busy, looking through the fridge, having absolutely no urgency to comply to Jungkook’s request. He stops right in front of you and you look up at him confused.

“Say it,” He coos, looking at _______.

She only gazes at him curiously, not understanding what he’s saying because of course, she’s a toddler.

“Doggy,” She replies, pointing to Buster who had just walked into the kitchen and you laugh boisterously when Jungkook’s face crumples in hurt.

“Jungkook,” You snort. “Leave her alone, won’t you? She’ll say dad someday… Just be patient.”

“She said it! I swear she did!” He exclaims. “Twice!”

“Yeah, sure she did,” You scoff.

“Did too!” He grumbles before turning to _______ . “Dad. Say it, say dad,” He coos, and you bring a palm to your face because here he goes agai—

“Dada.”

“Ha! Won’t you look at that!!!” He’s practically jumping and if he wasn’t carrying her, he would’ve probably done a summersault, a cartwheel, maybe even a damn split.

“Who’s your favourite parent? It’s me isn’t it?” He smiles down at _______.

“Please,” You laugh. “She’s only said it onc—”

“Dada!”

“Yeah, you’re right! That’s me! I’m dada! And you love me more than mama don’t you?”

“Dada,” Is her reply and Jungkook’s screaming internally because wow, what a day today is. The best day of his life. It’s the best damn day.

You want to be mad at Jungkook for being so annoying but again, it’s like he’s a huge man child and he’s so stupidly endearing that you can’t do anything but laugh.

“It’s okay, Y/N. Don’t be upset,” He smiles. “You’ve held the title of favourite parent for far too long okay? It’s time I had my chance.”

You only nod at him, giving him his moment of glory, pecking him on the cheek because how can you resist a man who argues with you about whether your daughter loves you or him more when your parents barely acknowledged your existence.

It’s been a simple day, a relatively normal day, at least for you… Jungkook would have something else to say about today but just like him, you concur that it’s one of the best days of your life because life isn’t really about the grand, great things to you, it’s about the simple things. It’s about how right now, you have a husband that loves you unconditionally and a daughter that you love unconditionally and really, that’s more than you could ever ask for. You no longer live each day, wishing the misery would end rather you live each day, embracing the love and happiness that you find around you. That isn’t to say every single day is just sunshine and rainbows, of course there are bad ones, many in fact, because life isn’t perfect but the good outweighs the bad and that’s all you’ve ever wanted.

Maybe life hasn’t played out the way you’ve always wanted it to, the family residence you called your home for so many years was still cold and unloving but life is about growing, about changing and if you had done neither maybe you wouldn’t have felt a world of hurt when everything seemed to have crumbled around you years ago but neither would you be feeling an unrivaled amount of happiness today, having Jungkook tease you over the fact that your daughter had switched allegiances, that he is in fact, the favourite parent to her. He’s insufferable, he truly is but maybe Jungkook was right when he gazed upon you as you finished saying your vows to him, the 7 word sentence he uttered at the altar still one of your favourite things he has ever said to you because it’s true, he isn’t your escape, he is your home.

p.s: wew it’s the end! this time for real! thank you all for reading!!! it’s been such a journey (’:

p.p.s: the explanation for why the daughter has a 98 is that technically the oc’s number is really high too because she’s a twin remember? (like flashback to chapter 7). Twins are special and it’s kinda known that they in general have really high numbers… just that in the mc’s case, it was unfortunate that the sister did not survive and hence the number couldn’t be re-balanced. also, about oc finding out about her twin… well, maybe in the distant future when one of her parents passes away…

I hope this epilogue answers all your questions but if you have any other questions, I’d be happy to answer!!! (like honestly really happy so ask away!) Thank you all so much for reading escape (‘:

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5  // Part 6 // Part 6.5 // Part 7 // Part 8 // Part 9