#[onion voice] 'Man Who Thought He'd Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn't Even Know He Still Had'

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

it really is the hope that kills you huh 😭

[carcrash-white]

ASOIAF POVs as Onion Headlines:

Ned:

-Somebody's Got to Save This Country From Certain Doom, And Let's Face It, That Person Is Me

Jon

-Area Man Expected To Work With These Incompetents

Daenerys

-Guests Forced To Pretend Wedding A Good Thing

Tyrion

-Badly Injured Man Not Done Partying Yet

Cersei

-I Fucked My Way Into This Mess, And I'll Fuck My Way Out

Catelyn

-Why Can't This Family Ever Have A Funkin' Good Time?

Sansa

-Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure

Bran:

-Nation Impressed By Feats Of Very Strong Little Boy

Arya

-Study Finds Expressing Anger In Unhealthy Ways Incredibly Satisfying

Brienne and Jamie

-Relationship Definitly Hurtling Towards Something

Davos

-Employee Wishes He Had Enough Job Security To Voice Opinion

Samwell

-I'm Tired Of Constant Near Death Experiences

Theon

-Man Who Thought He'd Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn't Even Know He Still Had

Victarion

-Area Man Just In Bad Mood Because He’s Tired And An Awful Human Being

Aereon

-True Courage Is Knowing You’re Wrong But Refusing To Admit It

Asha

-Area Women Planning To Fuck Up The Patriarchy Or Die Trying

Arrianne and Arys

-Relationship Not A Power Struggle, Woman Who's Winning Reports

Quentin

-If Only I'd Listened To Literally Anyone

Baristan

-Unclear Whether Grandpa Having Good Time

Jon Con

-Prodigal Asshole Returns

Melisandre

-Cult Leader Pretty Cool, Actually.

[basket-of-epiphanies]

Honest to god the more teasers you give us for the Star Wars AU the more excited I get. Can you give us anymore concrete hints or sneak peeks? Only if you want to, of course, and please don’t feel pressured. I’m just so into it!!!!!!!

congrats you're my new fave person in the entire world! everybody get on her level please

i'll give some one-line spoilers (read: onion headlines) without context for each member how about that

namjoon- Man Doesn't Mind Endless Work Hours Because It Gives Him Extra Time To Listen To Voice In His Head Saying He Can't Keep Living Like This

yoongi- Cat Refuses To Die

hoseok- Man Who Thought He'd Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit of Hope He Didn't Know He Still Had

seokjin- Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be

jungkook- Child Soldier Promoted To Child Private 1st Class

taehyung- Constantly Worrying About What Other People Think About Your War Crimes Is No Way To Live Your Life

jimin- Former Prom King Now Living Anonymously Among Locals