KH Catch Up: KH2FM Part Incredibly Sassy
So apparently I forgot about posting this before we played a bunch so here’s a long post about commentary! All the revisits, dubbed PART WHATEVER are short since that story section was quite short.
"What were we doing again? Right we were looking for the swirlies."
HOLLOW BASTION
"Oh hello wiggly bois."
"Oh, it's Advent Children Cloud. Oh god this is him in his edgy bastard game."
"Sephiroth? Sora, we got bodied by him."
"Aerith, you aren't dead in this timeline."
We detract to go visit our very good friend Pooh. He still does not remember the Sora.
"What is that? Who are you? Hmm, I wonder who they could have been talking about."
"You really don't remember who those are?"
"I genuinely don't. Gimme a name."
"You gotta promise not to be made at me."
"Okay."
And then I found out he's NEVER PLAYED FINAL FANTASY X OR X-2.
"Remember how KH1 was press X to win?"
"Yeah?"
"Well KH2 is press X AND Triangle to win."
"Gotcha."
-suddenly Leon- "WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?"
"Why are we now in Aperture Science? Oh of course Ansem runs Aperture Science, of course he's Cave Johnson."
"Uh, hi Stitch? WAIT IS STITCH IN THIS GAME?"
"Hi GlaDOS." -at Master Control-
SPACE PARANOIDS
"This is Megaman!"
"No it's not!"
"It's Megaman Battle Network."
"Who the fuck are you?" I AM COMMANDER SARK.
"Oh this is I have No Mouth but I Must Scream. No wait this is like Ready Player One!"
"Tron."
"FINALLY!"
"Sora.EXE. Donald.EXE. Goofy.EXE"
"No we're Digimon."
"THIS IS REBOOT!"
"Good thing we have a giant key. Wait do we still have our giant key? WE DO STILL HAVE OUR GIANT KEY!"
Finding out Tron's user was Ansem the Wise "He's out best friend! -cough-"
BACK TO HOLLOW BASTION
"But, if we go by my theory that Ansem the Wise is different from the Ans-hole we killed, we have hope."
"Door to Darkness?"
"Mickey!"
"Yeah like Ansem is super dead!"
BACK TO SPACE PARANOIDS
"I've played Deadline in GTA. I can do this."
"Yeah we'll be fine once we access the Door to Darkness, that's never gone wrong."
-at the mini boss-
"You know you could have froze him, and then used your Set Up limit?"
"Yeah well I didn't think of that so uhhhhhh..."
HOLLOW BASTION AGAIN AGAIN
Through various self pats on the back of being the best plot detective, he is very smug with himself.
"Sephiroth- wha, what are you compensating for?!"
"Uh bitch? Step away from my computer? Uh no- no..."
"Oh my god, have you heard of an elevator? That's a ramp, you could slide down that thing!"
I need to make an excuse me count for the amount of times he's said it about the plot.
"HOW MANY ANSEMS ARE THERE?!"
Demyx appears "Oh do we gotta kill a bitch?"
He has no idea.
It only took him too tries.
"Good thing Goofy took that hit, he's got plot armor!"
"Oh nevermind, he's super fucking dead!"
"THEY KILLED GOOFY! BUT HE'S IN THREE, I KNOW THEY DIDN'T KILL HIM!"
"Goofy your husband is mad at you."
"Are we about to Dynasty Warriors this?"
Thus the battle for 1000 Heartless began. He very much enjoyed himself.
"Mickey would rather jump through a door to darkness than answer the fucking question."
REVISITS
PORT ROYAL
"I like how they waited for us to have that little exchange before the fight."
"This really ruins the mood when you can see Donald, Goofy, and Anime-Sword-Boi in the background."
Gains a summon "Yay Peter Pan! He'll shank a bitch!"
LAND OF DRAGONS PT WHATEVER
"Oh no not this again."
"Wait, I know that sword. Riku how could you?"
"How many times do i gotta teach you this lesson old man?"
He does not approve of Xigbar running away.
"Man Shang's gonna kick our asses if Mulan dies."
"I know the city's in danger but there are chests here can you guys handle a little burning for five minutes?"
That must be Riku! "Only he's that much of an asshole to us!"
BEASTS CASTLE PART WHATEVER
"I just realized Belle is a furry."
"This room gives me PTSD. I just remembered bitch face."
"Hello bitch. We never learn when to quit!"
He then tried the Marluxia fight.
"WHAT IS THAT? WHY DO I HAVE A TIMER? WHY IS THERE A HIT COUNTER! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? HEAL IS POINTLESS IN THIS WHY DID I HEAR I DIDN'T MEAN TO HEAL- NONONONONO STAY AWAY YOU JUST STAY OVER THERE- NO NO NO FUCK GOD DAMN- WHY IS MY MAGIC TAKING SO DAMN LONG TO RECOVER NOOOO!!"
He died.
"We are coming back when we are much higher level."
"Now where has the asshole gone?"
"Worry not! I've defeated the monters-OH NO MORE MONSTERS."
"Mr.Steal-Yo-Girl, literally!"
"Technically he is out of your castle."
"Alright, let's fuckin' do this you Noctis wannabe."
"Wow this guys sucks."
He had to be saved by Mickey. The silence of concentration is strong with this one.
"Aww, nothing like a little murder to start a romance."
OLYMPUS COLISEUM AGAIN
"Have we tried this one yet? Was he a bitch? He's not gonna be as bad as Marluxia right? Right?"
"I'm not saying anything."
"Oh, he doesn't have that many health bar, comparatively."
He got meteored in the nerd realm, had to play guess who with the colours. Some commentary consisted of:
"What the fuck?"
"Shitshitshitshit."
"What is that?!"
"I'M TRYING TO HEAL."
"You think Hades would learn to stop hiring anime swordsmen by now."
"Hades, I kicked your ass before and I'll do it again."
"You're gonna fall into your well of souls and die, or get a powerup. Okay it's the later."
"Hey Auron we need protection, we do. -raises hand- We need protection."
"Did we get a constellation. BITCH WE GOT CONSTELLATIONS! FUCK YEAH! We're the best!"
HALLOWEEN TOWN PART WHATEVER
"What, have you had Lock, Shock and Barrel be your assistaants?"
"Yes, actually."
"You IDIOT."
"Why do you still have that costume?"
"There it is, theres Goth Santa."
"These three are everything awful about children."
"THEY GET EACH OTHER OUT?! Oh I fffff..."
"Wait, we can beat up the children?"
"We're being invaded by hell monsters, I thought you should know."
"No, Jack it's what's inside- oh Santa's gonna be mad at you..."
"Did the Organization really konk Dr. Finklestien on the head and steal his thing?"
"Why is there a face on his crotch?"
"That ending was tooth-rottingly sweet."
AGRABAH PART WHATEVER
"Didn't we buy Jafar from that shady merchant?"
"He learned Misty Step- no, Dimension Door."
"WE WENT THOUGH SO MUCH EFFORT TO PUT HIM IN THE LAMP!"
Vexen Absent Silhouette
"Are you ready for Panic Episode 12?"
"Who dis bitch? I recognize him but I don't remember his name."
"Does he make clones of me?"
"He's doable."
To Jafar. "Maybe adjust your tactic? You've tried the same thing twice now and it hasn't worked."
"Did Organization XIII steal the lamp?"
PRIDE LANDS PART WHATEVER
"We're going back to the Pride Lands?"
"Yeah."
"You know what that means?"
"Yeah....."
"I really want a member of the Organization to show up just to be the only human in this world."
"Simba has literally no training on how to be a king. He doesn't know what people need! Do you think when he was out there for like ten years he was learning resource management? Macro economics?"
Deja Vu joke count has broken the number counter, and he moves exclusively by drifting now.
"Simba that's not a very kingly answer. Yes, you say yes, not 'I don't think so."
He then put the entire Hyena fight on hold to get that one hovering puzzle piece. It was only through a final act of self depreciation he finally jumped to it.
"Boss fight! He's very large."
HOLLOW BASTION PART WHATEVER
"Yuffie were you hiding? You're a ninja, you're supposed to hide to win!"
NOW IT TIME FOR POOHBEAR
The medicine is now whiskey and everyone is underage to drink it. How dare he.
"Is-Pooh's Astral Projecting!"
"That's me! Younger me! Past me! Previous me! Me in a past tense!"
"YAY AWW I like it. We're holding his hand. WE GOT A KEYBLADE!"
He got a Cosmic Ring. He then proceeded to act as if someone had given him a thousand dollars and hugged me.
"THIS IS SO WHOLESOME!"
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