#{ this could... uh... very well be the longest starter i've ever written...

[storiesofwildfire]

A Quest for Peace

          { @vanirbound -- yet another long, plotted starter for the God Loki wants to lick always. ‘I licked him, so he’s mine,’ he says! }

♔—- Many, many years passed since the first time Loki realized that Asgard was not for him. While the glittering cities and prosperous protectors of the Nine Realms had a beautiful ring to their accomplishments and an equally pleasing aesthetic, what rested beneath the surface was something much, much darker. Loki tasted the first bitterness on his tongue at a relatively young age. 

The realm would never accept his magic, his unique outlook on life, his desire to break free of responsibilities so he could travel, explore, and learn, his love of staying in and studying rather than fighting amongst the other boys. Loki’s inability to conform to their norms increasingly rubbed people the wrong way, to the point that every single characteristic that defined him developed into something that could be used as a weapon against him.

Too mischievous. Too feminine. Too reliant on magic. Too emotional. Too cold when refusing to open up because he was too emotional. Too rebellious. Too observant. Too irresponsible yet trying too hard to be valuable. Too desperate for positive attention. Too weak.

Too unable to be what Asgard demanded him to be while constantly trying to be his best for Asgard.

No matter what Loki did, no matter what he sacrificed for his people, no matter how much of himself he gave, it was never enough. Not for his father, not for his peers, and not even for himself. Every time he deserved praise, he was met with criticism instead or worse, someone else took the credit for his job well done. 

Loki gave everything he had to Asgard and his people had no idea how much he sacrificed, how much he went through the ensure their safety, how much he bottled up his own feelings and fears just to keep his magic at bay so it didn’t hurt someone ridiculing him. Honestly, it hurt more than he ever let on, to put so much effort into protecting and helping his realm prosper, just to be kicked back down again for having the strength to speak up. 

The worst part, though, by far? No one actually saw it for what it was. No one acknowledged that the way the second prince was treated was inherently wrong, that they should rethink the way they saw the young royal, but why would they? Every single Aesir who misspoke or talked down to him had been given silent permission by watching the way Odin evaluated and treated his own son.

For hundreds of years, this was just a way of life for Loki, a norm that he sometimes escaped from but was inevitably trapped in. It only ever occurred to him that he could leave Asgard behind forever once when he’d fallen in love with a young and exceptional woman on Midgard by the name of Vera. An oracle who channeled Loki through herself and performed nothing short of miracles for her people, the moment he met her, he knew he’d known her for years already and fell in love far more quickly than he ever managed again. She gave him the self-awareness and the confidence to leave his old life behind, but she, ultimately, was the reason he stayed.

She said she couldn’t be the reason he abandoned his Godly position and the responsibilities that went with it, that he was far more important than one relationship with one mortal, and he kept telling himself every time he wanted to run that he had to be strong. Vera believed in him. Others followed her lead. So many people prayed to him, worshipped him, turned to him in their time of need, and if all of those people could follow after him even when he often felt so run down and defeated, surely he could stick it out?

Everything changed the night Loki conceived Sleipnir.

Relations with Vanaheim grew more and tenser. The Vanir had beaten Asgard back time and time again and Odin grew fearful of what they would do should they come back to Asgard. One of the many defenses that the council came up with was to build a protective fortress around the realm, specifically Gladsheim, the capital that housed not only the royal palace but the Bifrost as well. 

The finest builder in all of Yggdrasil had been contracted, but his price was higher than any of the Gods were willing to pay, so a scheme had been devised. The builder had to work alone and quickly. A harsh deadline gave him an impossible window to finish construction and if he did not meet it, he would have to finish the project without payment. The builder, much to everyone’s shock, agreed and much to everyone’s horror, the one asset he was allowed to have made progress go so swiftly, he projected to finish one day ahead of schedule.

A schedule in which he tightly kept.

Of course, when things grew difficult, the Aesir formed a habit of looking to Loki. His schemes and wit made him perfect for problem-solving. Even if he never received any of the praise, Loki stood as a powerful and irreplaceable asset to Asgard’s longevity and, like he’d done many times before, Loki bowed his head and agreed to sort out the problems.

The night he departed to halt the builder’s progress turned out to be one of the worst and most humiliating nights of his life. He never did share the details of what happened that night. The most anyone got was that he shape-shifted into a beautiful and enticing mare that managed to distract Svadilfari, the builder’s workhorse who moved all of his supplies for him. Without Svadilfari, the builder had no hopes of finishing his project on time. 

Loki succeeded in keeping the stallion busy, but Loki hadn’t succeeded in keeping a safe distance from Svadilfari. Even Loki underestimated how quickly such a massive horse could move--

Without going into vivid details, Loki wound up carrying and birthing an eight-legged foal. The pregnancy on its own had been traumatic physically and emotionally, the events leading up to the pregnancy had been traumatic and humiliating in ways even Loki’s silver-tongue could not adequately explain, but the worst part of the entire experience? Rather than return home and have a father who wanted to take care of his child after such a horrible event, Odin hid Loki away, isolated the prince, and kept the people of Asgard in the dark of Loki’s situation.

Loki was not allowed to let anyone know that he mothered the foal. Loki was not allowed to let anyone know that Sleipnir was more than just a horse, that he was actually a sentient being with a mind and magic of his own. Loki was not even allowed to protest Odin taking Sleipnir from him and grooming him to become a war steed.

Rather than love Loki, care for him, and help him with a situation that never would have happened had Odin not sent Loki out, to begin with, Loki faced isolation, a pregnancy that likely could have been fatal, and the shame of being told it was all his fault, all while having his child stripped from him as if Sleipnir was nothing more than an untrained pet that pissed on the carpet one too many times.

That stood out as a true turning point for Loki. Odin couldn’t understand why Loki found so much hatred and ill will in how he decided to handle the situation and Sleipnir, didn’t understand why Loki had any sort of maternal instincts in regards to an animal, and repeatedly shouldered the idea that the result had been nothing but shameful down onto Loki to carry the weight.

No love. No sympathy. No encouragement.

Gods, Odin hardly even allowed Asmund to tend to his physical state, and part of the young prince truly wondered... Would Odin have preferred if Loki did die in childbirth? Would that have alleviated something for the king? Made his life easier in some way? 

Either way, Loki accepted that Odin had no true love or respect for him and, in turn, any lingering love that he possessed for his so-called father vanished. Loki wanted Sleipnir and he wanted to leave. Whatever misfortunes led to Sleipnir’s birth, Loki loved his son, and placed no personal blame on a blameless child. 

But Loki hadn’t even fully recovered from the birth when talk of new negotiations between Asgard and Vanaheim cropped up. Strange, Loki thought, considering the whole point of the fortress was to protect them from Vanaheim... Seemed everything he went through meant nothing, as Odin still cowered in the face of the Vanir.

Loki didn’t bother himself with the negotiations or trying to keep up with what went on. He was still in the tail end of recovery, still mourning over his son being ripped from him, still kept separated from most of Asgard, and still contemplating murdering Odin himself for what he’d done to him. Time and energy to invest in keeping up with negotiations he wouldn’t even be part of wasn’t in the cards.

At least, he believed he would have no part in it.

Until Asmund, his healer, and Sigurd, Odin’s advisor, and Loki’s biggest supporter, came to see him. Asmund was a pretty normal face to see as he had been one of the few consistently allowed to be with Loki during the pregnancy. Sigurd, on the other hand, only got to see the prince when he snuck in to share a few words.

Both tried to cover up the worry etched into their solemn faces as they came to the young Godling, who sat propped up by a number of plush pillows attempting (and failing) to busy himself by reading.

Loki glanced over the top edge of his book, his lips instantly tugging south when he got a good look at them. Their worry and nervousness poured off of them, filling the air with sparks of uneasy magic. “What is it?” Loki asked, closing the book without marking his page and setting it off on the side of the mattress. 

Asmund came over immediately and sat beside the taller-yet-younger sorcerer. He took one of Loki’s hands into his soft, skilled healer hands, closing both of them around Loki’s. Loki allowed the action. Asmund stood as one of the few who could get away with touching Loki in even the tensest and uncomfortable of circumstances. There were few Loki trusted more than his healer, but the gesture filled the prince with worry.

“Has something happened to Sleipnir?” Loki asked. “Is he okay?”

“Sleipnir’s fine, for the time being, Loki,” Sigurd assured him. “I have some of my best keeping track of him to ensure Odin doesn’t do any harm.” The shadowmancer walked over to the bed and sat down as well. “We’ve come to talk to you about negotiations with Vanaheim.”

“Oh.” Loki’s tone fell flat. He didn’t care and his change of voice mixed with the dropped expression said that loud and clear, making his next statement completely redundant. “I really have no interest in that. I have more important things to worry about.”

“We know,” Asmund and Sigurd said in unison.

“But Odin has managed to come to something of an agreement on the terms of peace,” Sigurd continued. “I spoke out against this idea openly. Odin more or less told me that he understood I favored you, but he would not listen to my attempts at shielding you from something so important to Asgard.”

“W-what... do you mean...?” Loki murmured, fear creeping back into his voice again. “What do I have to do with anything of that?”

Asmund and Sigurd exchanged a glance, silently searching on another’s expressions. Asmund tilted his head towards Loki and Sigurd sighed, nodding his quiet approval. Sigurd might have been the head of a spy network and wildly intelligent, but matters of the heart were more up Asmund’s alley. 

“Odin has proposed the idea of an arranged marriage to bind Asgard and Vanaheim,” Asmund murmured. “He will be getting himself a new bride and, in return, he will be marrying off one of his sons to the Vanir chief. You, Little One. He wants you to marry Heimdall, the Chief of the Vanir, in exchange for peace.”

Loki’s heart thrashed in his chest, though if it was fear, desperation, or anger, he couldn’t really tell. “He’s going to sell me? After everything he’s done to me, everything he’s put me through, and he’s just going to turn around and throw me to our enemies?”

“I know,” Asmund murmured, lifting Loki’s hand so he could kiss the back of his palm and then another gentle kiss on the inside of his wrist, a trait common to the Vanir as a sign of showing respects to one’s magic, but Asmund was not of Vanaheim. “Many have tried to talk reason into him, but he will see none. He is convinced this is the only way.”

“I’m not old enough to get married...”

That wasn’t much of an argument, he realized. He’d just had a child, for the love of the Nine. If he could have a child, he could get married, and even without motherhood, plenty of arranged marriages rooted back far younger than Loki presently was, so even forming in childhood.

“I can’t...”

“Heimdall wants to speak with you,” Sigurd almost whispered, reaching over to take Loki’s free hand. “He said that he would agree to Odin’s terms, but only if he got to speak with you first and give you a chance to decide for yourself. While Vanaheim may be our enemies, I do not believe Heimdall to be a malicious man. He does not want to do anything without your consent and without you understanding the full perimeters of what will happen should you accept his... proposal. While this may not be ideal, he does want to make this as easy and as genuinely your own free will as possible.”

“How is it free will? Just because this Heimdall person is giving me a choice doesn’t mean I actually have one. What will happen to Asgard if I say no? What will Odin do to me if I say no?”

“I’ll admit, you--” Sigurd began, but Asmund immediately shook his head, silencing the elder sorcerer immediately. 

“Don’t worry about that right now, all right, Little One? Speak with Heimdall. Hear what he has to say. You don’t have to meet with him alone if you do not wish. You know we’ll be right by your side if you ask. Speak with him, then you can make a decision, and we’ll take it from there, okay?”

Loki lifted his eyes to Asmund, the emerald color glistening under the threat of tears. The poor, young prince was so exhausted, still desperately trying to get back on his feet, and dealing with so much emotional shit, piling something like this on top of him was enough to make even the strongest of people crack. Of course, he wanted to cry.

“If I go to Vanaheim... will you come with me?” he asked Asmund, knowing fully well that no matter how much he may wish for Sigurd to be with him, Sigurd’s role was far too important to abandon for the whims of a boy separated from his home. Asmund, though? His entire life had been dedicated to Loki’s care and growth. He would come, surely he would...

“If I am allowed to,” Asmund promised. “That will be up to Heimdall, though, I’m afraid.” Asmund dropped Loki’s hand in exchange for wrapping his arms around the mischief-maker. Loki trembled lightly in his arms, fighting so hard to keep from sobbing right then and there. Asmund squeezed him as tightly as he could, reaching up to card his fingers through Loki’s long, thick hair. “It’s all right, Loki. It’s okay. I’m right here. Shhh, I’m here.”

Sigurd watched in silence, allowing Loki to take his hand back so he could wrap his arms around Asmund, both hands fisting his shirt. The advisor’s heart broke at the sight as Loki slowly broke down in his healer’s arms, tears finally slipping down his cheeks. For several long minutes, the three sat in silence, Sigurd’s hand resting firmly on Loki’s knee while Asmund hugged him tightly. 

“Just get it out, Loki, it’s okay,” Asmund kept whispering encouragements, but Loki was honestly tired of crying, of feeling so broken, beaten down, and defeated. 

Only once the sounds of Loki’s quiet sobs calmed did Sigurd dare speak again. “I know you are upset, Loki, and I cannot blame you for that, but will you speak with Heimdall? He would like to see you as soon as possible.”

“We won’t leave you alone with him if you are uncomfortable with that,” Asmund reminded him.

Loki could only really manage a nod, but what other choice did he have but to accept the chief’s request. Sigurd gave him a melancholy smile and leaned over to press a gentle kiss to the prince’s forehead. “I’ll be back in a bit with him then,” Sigurd murmured. “Sit tight.”

With that, Sigurd pushed himself from the bed and disappeared through the massive golden doors that led to Loki’s private chambers, off to fetch Heimdall. The Vanir chief waited patiently for him to return.

“He’s agreed to see you,” Sigurd spoke. “I do ask that you be gentle. Asmund and I have delivered the news of the workings of this arranged marriage already. He’s digesting it, but he is understandably upset. He is also recovering from a very brutal pregnancy, so hormones and paranoia are running high right now. I ask you to be mindful and to show some compassion as you speak with him. If you want him to agree to this willingly, you have to make him understand you are not going to hurt or misuse him. You have to make Vanaheim sound appealing to him and, between you and me, it shouldn’t take much. Vanaheim would be a much better place for the prince.”

Sigurd didn’t want to see Loki sold off as some sort of bride for peace, but at the same time, he had to admit, getting Loki off of Asgard and somewhere he could truly grow and prosper would be the best possible thing for Loki. 

Vanaheim could give him that.