#☾ ` thinkin' i'm emotionally goin' down drains ; paul lahote musings .

[sapphiredhearts-a]

lore / early life

please read my twilight wolf lore written in my jacob black headcanon here .

paul lahote was born into a family who looked perfect on the outside . they were the typical all-american family in a beautiful house in the suburbs . his dad was a former athlete who had gone off to college on a football scholarship and met the picture - perfect cheerleader . they were engaged and married before they graduated and paul's mother , grace , fell pregnant before she could get her degree . paul's father , john , stayed in school and finished his degree - becoming an accountant who made a good living and was able to move the family to tacoma

everything was . . . fine until paul was eight . his father had a temper from the beginning and pushed his mother into being what he thought was the perfect housewife . he never got physical with paul's mother , but the pressure was hard on her and she never seemed to get things right . she had dreamed of being a lawyer , not a stay at home mom and started to distance herself from john and paul as time went on . on paul's eighth birthday he woke to disaster - his mother had fled to her parent's house and demanded a divorce . john told him that she never tried to fight for any of them and had abandoned paul . despite not believing him at first , paul eventually accepted this version of events as truth and vowed to live up to his father's expectations so he didn't end up like grace .

it wasn't long before john moved paul away from tacoma - uprooting his young life even more . they went back to john's hometown of la push , a place john had said he'd never return to . but he had gotten offered a spot on the tribal council and declared it would be a good move . he could work from home out of a base in port angeles and devote more time to paul . paul thought perhaps things would turn around . he was wrong .

john was a pusher . he pushed paul to be perfect in all aspects of life - no matter how much it killed paul . paul had to join every sport he could , ace all of his classes , and always be seen with the "right" kind of people . he hated the popularity that came with being a jock . the other kids could never really relate to him because he could never be up front about his home life . there were times when john would get violent when paul didn't meet expectations but paul internalized it thinking if he had just been better it wouldn't have happened . he wouldn't leave his father like his mother had done , wouldn't give up on him . besides , he had nowhere else to go .

to everyone else - they were perfect . people adored john , especially after he joined the council . he would rant about how he hated not being higher up in ranks but he still went to every meeting and tried to make his opinion heard . the people of the reservation thought that john was the epitome of a good father . he had taken on being a single dad so well , after all . they would have never guessed what was going on behind closed doors . john was a charmer , for sure .

one thing john was very adamant about when paul was growing up was that paul would learn about the tribal legends . paul didn't think the legends were real , but unlike the other guys he came to know later , paul wished that they were . he wanted the strength that the shape-shifters of the legends possessed , the power . so he held onto every word that his father told him .

when he finally phased , paul was ecstatic to be a wolf . he had done so in a fit of anger after a fight with his father - luckily he had been alone so no one got harmed and sam happened to be on patrol to explain everything to him . paul took it in stride and adjusted quickly - happy to leave his friends and old life behind . he thought his father would be upset he had to quit sporst to avoid detection but he didn't seem to care . he only wanted paul to be the best wolf of the pack .

a few things bothered paul in his new state . for one , he had more trouble than the others controlling his emotions . sam theorized it came from unresolved trauma from his home life ( paul couldn't block them out of his thoughts and therefore sam & jared knew more about him than anyone - creating a close friendship between the three ) but paul refused to believe that . his father had only wanted the best for him . still , he struggled with his explosive anger . after sam hurts emily , paul tries harder to gain control of his emotions and even goes to classes for it - but he struggles every day .

another problem was that paul had been quite popular before transitioning . nobody knew why he had suddenly disappeared for weeks and when he came back seemed to leave everything behind - including a girl he had been seeing . paul refused to give explanations and was instead seen with sam & jared - fueling for the first time the "cult" rumors around la push .

[sapphiredhearts-a]

when bella slaps paul ( in canon when that happens ) he doesn't phase because of her making him mad - he phases because it reminds him of when his dad slaps him around .

[sapphiredhearts-a]

twilight tags ( werewolf edition )