#🎅 merry christmas this game sucks 🎅

[pick-em-pool]

WEEK 15

HO HO HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! 🎅🎄❄🤶 It's the most wonderful time of the year! Trees are up, gifts are wrapped, and the holiday cheer is being spread! ☺☺☺ And we all know that football goes with Christmas just like fruitcake and eggnog 🍰 Let's take a quick look at the holiday traditions that make the holiday so special ⛄☃

KRAMPUS - 12 POINTS

Everyone knows about jolly Saint Nick. Yet in Austria, he has a rather sinister companion, KRAMPUS 😈 a half goat monster that beats bad little German children with tree branches 🎋 (I think I speak for all of us when I say WTF Austria) Just like JANIE beat all you bad little weiner schnitzels this week with TWELVE POINTS 🔥🔥🔥 I for one, am going to go do the dishes while I'm staying in Arizona before Janie decides to take me off the "Nice" list 😇 Even JJ won't want to be "Naughty" with Janie if it means getting beat with a tree branch 🤕

KENTUCKY FRIED CHRISTMAS - 10 POINTS

Japan is NOT known for being a Christian nation 🎌 But you know what they ARE known for? Pearl Harbor Kentucky Fried Chicken 🍗 That's right people. Every year Japanese families reserve a holiday turkey from KFC and enjoy their version of a very tasty festival. The KFC logo is even based on J.J. AKA colonel Sanders 🧔 Sadly, this is the last time I can beat the dead horse that is J.J.'s beard jokes, because his face is now a smooth as a DELICIOUS KFC Southern Fried Butter Biscuit™ 😭😭😭 (KFC absolutely did NOT pay me to say that, I came up with the idea to talk about their Savory Spicy Kentucky Super Gravy™ available as most KFC locations)

CHRISTMAS PICKLE - 10 POINTS

The German tradition beloved around the world! 🌎 where parents hide a pickle in the tree and little tikes race to be the first to find that pickle! 🥒🥒 As usual, this tradition has a lovely origin, where two little Scandinavian boys were trapped in a pickle barrel 😆 they died 😊 Warms the heart! Our Christmas Pickle this year is of course PEYTON! Though we can't wait to see him, he needs to remember that Arizona is a FAMILY place, so he better keep HIS 'Christmas Pickle' to himself!

HOLIDAY SAUNA - 10 POINTS

In the frozen tundra of Finland, locals find solace in a national tradition of stripping naked and relaxing in a hot sauna with friends and family 🧖‍♀️🧖‍♂️ I'm moving to FINLAND ✈ So catch Gabby soaking up the souls of her ancestors 👴👵, just like they believe in Finland, in a lovely Sauna! I will be peering at her through the window with a periscope 🔭

YULE CAT - 10 POINTS

Iceland has many fun, kid friendly Christmas tales 📗📘📙 Just like the Yule Cat MEOW 🐱 little Icelandic boys and girls better do a good job tending to their turnip farms, because the Yule Cat that follows Santa around will friggin' EAT you if you're lazy 🍴 Raise your hand if you would be eaten by the Yule Cat ✋ (Abby you better be raising both hands) The only one not raising their hands should be RUSTY, whose work ethic is surpassed only by his weakness for small, hog dog shaped animals 🐕‍🦺

FRUITCAKE - 9 POINTS

Who could hate FRUITCAKE around the holiday season?! Oh, that's right, everyone 🤢 Thought nowadays fruitcakes are (relatively) innocuous dished brought over by Mee Maw that you politely pretend to eat while feeding it to your dog, fruitcakes used to be THE MEAL. In fact, fruitcakes were so important that the POPE 💒 himself had to have a debate in the Vatican to decide if it could be legal to use butter! I think we all know what VAL would have said to the pope 😬 because at our meal last night I'm pretty sure she used a 10:1 butter-to-bread ratio 🧈🧈🧈 I kid of course 😂 Val is a wonderful soul who only uses an appropriate amount of butter (I have to suck up to her after costing us 2 pickleball games yesterday...)

BAD POTATOES - 8 POINTS

In Iceland there is a lovely Christmas tradition of leaving your shoes out by the tree for each of the 12 days of Christmas 😊 Good little boys and girls will receive loads of candy 🍬🍭🍫 in their... used... smelly... shoes 😐 And bad little boys and girls get old potatoes 🥔 Of course who could this be reminiscent of but ABBY! Each day, until about 3:30 PM, she resembles a potato: Not moving very much, wrinkly, bland 🛌🛏 Abby has never in her life uttered the phrase "The early bird gets the worm" 🦅

EL GORDO - 12 POINTS

In Spain they go crazy for the Christmas LOTTERY 🎫🎟🎫🎟 I think all us can get behind a chance at some MOOLAH. Interestingly enough, the big prize is called "El Gordo", or "The Fat One". That is the same name Logan's family gave to him after trying to provide meals for him growing up 😋🍔🍕🍖🍗 And the name he deserves after scoring TWELVE points this week, the king of the hill!

BUMP ON A LOG - 9 POINTS

You gotta love PORTUGAL! Instead of Christmas trees, they grab a log of firewood, put googly eyes on it and give them to each other as little "Christmas People"... 🤨 I tell you who WOULDN"T approve of these Christmas people, our friend JULIETTE! these flat bottomed Christmas dorks wouldn't fly with her, she wants something with a little more SUBSTANCE. Just like she sang last night at Karaoke: "WHERE MY FAT A** B****** IN THE MOTHERF****** CLUB F*** THE SKINNY B******" 😢 it's like Shakespeare was with us 📃

All these traditions are nice and all, but the best tradition of all is the PICK EM POOL! Where you can win yourself some money and get into the holiday spirit! So Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! 🛷🛷🛷🛷