#🕊️❝ SANCTIFY THEM BY TRUTH: YOUR WORD IS TRUTH ( headcanons. )

[sanctamater]

amelia could have grown to be a natural leader had she not met zachary. in any universe where she falls under his influence amelia may be placed into a role of leadership; but time and indoctrination have whittled her into a follower (and in the worst case, a zealot). even after leaving the cult or ridding herself from zachary amelia will seek out people in positions of power for safety. she is an excellent orator, personable, genuine - all the trappings of someone who could be a leader; but she vastly prefers the 'safety' of being a follower - and will do so until (and if) she begins to clash with whoever she is following; which then defaults her back into following the letter of the law and societal morality.

[sanctamater]

sleep meme / headcanons.

01. type of bed. amelia, given her position as columbia's matriarch, sleeps on the finest bed that money can buy - a mahogany four poster bed with a velveteen headboard (blue, of course); atop two feather mattresses. the bed curtains are a heavy, deep blue taffeta with velvet patterning in a darker blue; held back with gold curtain ties; tasseled and tacked with fringe to boot. her sheets are white silk, her comforter a sky blue silk - changed out for flannel and wool (respectively) in the winter months. 

02. number of blankets. amelia runs hot in the night! in the winter she'll opt for just her sheet and comforter but in the summer she won't have any sheets/blankets at all. with that in mind, she'll usually forgo nightdresses in the summer as well. 

03. number of pillows. just one - not too firm and not too soft; fluffed to perfection.

04. type of clothing. again, this depends on the season. in the winter she'll tend to wear longer nightdresses that button at her beck and her wrists; stopping just short of her ankles. they're usually threaded through with blue ribbons and decorated with lace, ruffles, and pintucks - and she'll wear a velvet, open dressing gown around her rooms. in the summer, she opts for lighter, near transparent linen nightgowns - short sleeves, lower necklines, hems that come up to her knees and silk dressing gowns. 

05. does it matter where they sleep. amelia is not easily put at ease in the night hours. she will only attempt to sleep in the safety of her own room and in her own bed - nowhere else.

06. what do they do if they cannot fall asleep? on nights when things are easier for her, amelia will just lie in bed until she passes out or dawn comes - whichever is first. on nights when her ptsd is bad and her paranoia high, she walks. amelia has a set routine when she does this - she will double, then triple check to make sure the door that adjoins her room with zachary's is locked - always locked from her side, and that the key is safe in her nightstand. she will pace her rooms - 5, 6 times - before taking a candle and wandering the halls of comstock house. she does not linger on the upper floors, but tends to pick her way through the main floors - the library, the music room, her study, the ballroom, the grand hall - she'll linger outside the prophet's study - it's locked, but it won't stop her from trying to open the door. she'll wander like this until she's exhausted and cannot keep moving; usually stopping near dawn. 

07. frequent dreams, nightmares. amelia usually has nightmares/ptsd flashbacks that wake her up and leave her unable to sleep. the most common ptsd nightmares she has are flashes of abuse suffered at the hands of zachary. most often, it will end with him attempting to strangle her, and she will wake up gasping for breath. sometimes, she dreams of elizabeth - either searching for her aimlessly in halls and rooms; hearing her laugh, but never quite reaching her - or always running after her daughter. sometimes, she dreams of the luteces. sometimes, the inmates below rise up and tear her and the rest of the house to pieces. sometimes, she is drowning, and it is the prophet holding her underwater. a good night is when she has no dreams to disturb her - or simply does not remember them. 

08. when do they sleep. as a creature of habit, amelia turns in to bed at 9pm on the dot every evening without fail - unless she is hosting or attending a party; in which case she will be up until dawn anyway, and simply take a nap until 9 am. she was taught to always be early to rise - and to not waste time in bed; a sentiment that still holds true even now, 38 years in to her life. 

09. what could wake them. anything? her ptsd and paranoia makes her a light sleeper - she's constantly primed for noises that are out of the ordinary. a touch of any sort could also wake her up; regardless of if she has a lover warming her bed.

tagged by: @wrench-jackie why did u do this to me tagging: @afraidofchange @thomasrainier @timeloooop @miscelliany @fauxcette

[sanctamater]

when you get this, post theme songs for your muse! then tag 5 or more people!

standard theme: do you never laugh, miss eyre? by dario marianelli. i always tend to associate amelia with strings - there's something so profoundly sorrowful and emotional about string music; heavy without being too heavy, light without being too vapid. there is a weight to this short piece of music, there is sorrow, yes; always sorrow. amelia is, at her core, a woman who is marked for it across many, many lives and timelines. but there is also beauty and warmth in this piece - and despite this sorrow, despite the pain the character suffers, amelia endeavours to stay soft and kind despite it - and i can hear that pain and that softness in this music. the brief bit of intensity in the crescendo, the quiet end, the quiet beginning - it's perfect.

battle theme: we all complete by rachel portman. it's very difficult to give her a battle theme when she isn't really a character for battle and is not a fighter by any means (even her boss battle she very rarely approaches booker except to scream at him which. real.) and i do want to reflect that in this - amelia's version of battling is very much using her words. it's all she has: her truth, her words, her voice. this is a very thematic piece with more strings that starts off strong and powerful; petering out into quiet contemplation which i feel suits her choices and thought process as she prepares for what may come and how she wishes to maneuver.

boss battle theme: lacrimosa by mozart. i don't care that this is canon and i am being lazy. it is quite literally her elden ring boss battle theme. she sings it. i've talked about dies irae with meg on this blog before - it's not so much about the backing as it is the lyrics in lacrimosa that she warps. amelia sings an abridged version of lacrimosa that strongly implies even as an undead lazarus figure she is weeping for the sins of her daughter and husband; and argues to god that elizabeth, at least, is worth forgiving. in addition, she also entreats elizabeth in these stanzas to spare her husband from god's wrath. it's a very interesting thing to examine especially within the narrative context of amelia representing caritas as a whole.

emotion theme: i think of you all the time by rachel portman. there is a stillness in this, a sadness too. it's a slow build up to an aching crescendo that seems to speak of heartbreak and understanding, of sorrow. narratively i think it's a perfect music accompaniment that ties in with amelia's story, status, and all that she is and represents. it's pensive, it's that perfect period drama piece for the heroine in a tragic story - and the way the music swells with hope before dropping entirely into something so pensive, foreboding, continuing to crescendo and build that tension up and up until it seems unbearable - it's perfect for her arc within the narrative of the game - it's a song and piece that i associate with her a lot as she goes through the motion and emotions within infinite.

tagged by: @femtaile thank u <3 tagging: @afraidofchange / @idolbound, @covrroucer, @astrancva, @lambvoid, @spakona, @wrench-jackie, @unprocione and u if ur reading this

[sanctamater]

so i will say in my dragon a.ge verse amelia did not have a... smooth transition between kirkwall and joining the inquisition as its arm's master. amelia's role in the kirkwall rebellion and the events leading up to it was obviously not an innocent one. she profited greatly off of meredith's paranoias and thoughts of conspiracy and essentially functioned as a war profiteer ( lore accurate amelia trait ) while selling arms to the templars and allowing them to stockpile all manner of weapons.

in all likelihood, amelia would be facing some trial in the aftermath for her involvement in the rebellion. not only did she profit off of it, she ( at least in @ idolbound and i's verse ) would have aided meredith in the lead up to the rebellion ( notation, filing, wanted lists - writing and copying when meredith was too exhausted to ) and would have likely been made to pay reparations to the city of kirkwall to aid in its reconstruction.

[sanctamater]

on our lady and her relationship with her own femininity - a meta looking at the character of lady a. c.omstock through the lens of religion, victorian womanhood, and pseudo science of the era.  or - a rewrite of an old meta that i needed a refresh given that i was in high school when i wrote this originally.  given the historical content from many sources in this post, please proceed with caution as it will contain heavy examples of misogyny and medical sexism. this post will also contain mentions of child birth, child rearing, pregnancy, and infertility.  THIS IS A MONSTER OF A META. GOD BE WITH YOU, YE WHO READ THIS.

Lady Comstock, within the narrative of of Bioshock Infinite, is shown to be a paragon of virtue - the wife of the cult’s prophet, the mother of the messiah; the ideal woman in all respects - the perfect mother, wife, and citizen and a model for all within columbia to emulate. While in the canon shown to the player within the game shows that she has been dead for near twenty years (providing Zachary the ability to use her corpse as a political prop, which is another discussion for another time) - it does not allow much exploration into Lady Comstock’s relationship with this mantle of holy mother, reconciling that with her own past, and the relationship she has with her own femininity and how she views herself under the influence of victorian upbringing and societal norms. 

By 1912, Lady Comstock’s perception of her femininity, self, and womanhood is incredibly - horrifically - skewed; almost self-hating while deifying. I will split this meta into 3 sections - her past and victorian ideals, Mary’s role in faith (and thus, Amelia’s within the cult); and some culminating thoughts on how all of these factor into and impact Amelia near twenty years into her role as mother of the messiah within the narrative of Infinite.

PART I: PAST REVELATIONS AND VIEWS OF THE ERA.

Not much is known of Lady Comstock’s past within the canon of the game - it boils down to a single voxophone singing praise to the prophet, her redeemer, and is left open-ended for audience interpretation for as to what, exactly, she was seeking forgiveness for. the transcript of said audio diary is as follows: 

“To those who loved me, I was the most generous of souls. There was no pain I would deny them. No betrayal I would not gladly give. And when I had scorched the hearts of all who loved me, the Prophet said, “There is nothing you can do for which I will not forgive you, for God has granted me sight, and through His eyes, even you are loved.”” (Unconditional; recorded in universe on April 1st, 1893)

Without reading too much into the audio and its implications, one can rightfully assume that Lady Comstock, at the very least, played with the affections of others for her own amusement until she was left alone due to her actions towards others. Aside from Daisy Fitzroy mentioning that Lady Comstock had ‘experienced hardship’ in her youth, nothing more is said about her past. The most popular fanon interpretation (one that i also subscribe to) is that this voxophone refers to promiscuity. Given that the character of Lady Comstock is based off of American socialite and political figurehead Alice Roosevelt Longworth - a woman known for breaking many social rules in her day; in addition to several affairs throughout her life, which she did not hide and were common knowledge in high society, I agree with this interpretation of the audio diary. With Alice’s proximity to the white house, the social consequences for this would be less severe, however - turning back to Lady Comstock, in my own canon, this voxophone does refer to her engaging in multiple affairs with multiple partners with the express intent of playing with their affections and publicly betraying them for her own gain and amusement. 

I have already discussed here why Lady Comstock must be of the upper class for Zachary to gain the traction he needs for his cult to flourish. with that in mind, most of high society could turn a blind eye to affairs - provided they remained discreet, which Lady Comstock at the time was not. The consequences of a promiscuous woman were more than just of the social variety, leaving her isolated; but of a moral variety as well. Elizabeth Lee (who received a BA from Brown University in ‘97 and wrote most of her material during a summer research group) also had this to say:

“Women were portrayed either frigid or else insatiable. A young lady was only worth as much as her chastity and appearance of complete innocence, for women were time bombs just waiting to be set off. Once led astray, she was the fallen woman, and nothing could reconcile that till she died.” “This preoccupation developed into an ideology that legitimised unequal power relations in the economic and political sphere even as it glorified women’s role in the domestic and “moral” sphere. It is easy to see, therefore, how the myth of women’s salvatory and redemptive potential victimized women.” (Langland, Patriarchal Ideology and Marginal Motherhood in Victorian Novels by Women).

The Victorian Era had given rise to the cult of domesticity and the role of the ‘angel of the house’ - in engaging in torrid, obvious affairs, Amelia directly defies these societal expectations, and brings the ire of that society upon not the man involved in the affair, but the woman. Though these affairs, Amelia would have made her social worth and capital null and void - an ‘unwoman’; with nothing to remove that mantle from her in life. She would have been considered the lowest of the low; and become a fringe society member. In addition to this, women with sexual drive were considered ‘ill’ and ‘unnatural’; disrupting the ‘order of things’ through their anomaly - 

 “… there can be no doubt that sexual feeling in the female is in abeyance … and even if roused (which in many instances it never can be) is very moderate compared with that of the male…. The best mothers, wives, and managers of households, know little or nothing of sexual indulgences. Love of home, children, and domestic duties, are the only passions they feel. As a general rule, a modest woman seldom desires any sexual gratification for herself. She submits to her husband, but only to please him; and, but for the desire of maternity, would far rather be relieved from his attentions. (Boumelha; Thomas Hardy and Women. P. 14). “Middle-class women who, by mid century, were giving birth 'confined' within the home, now achieved true womanhood if they responded emotionally to their infants and bonded with them through breast-feeding and constant attendance. Motherhood was seen as an affirmation of their identity.” (Abrams, Ideals of Womanhood in Victorian Britain).

Victorians, in addition to the moral consequences facing women who engaged in affairs and were connected with their sexuality and desires, also believed that women who were as such had something wrong with them on a medical, biological level - and subscribed to the belief that women were biologically destined to be subservient mothers - in addition to that, the Victorians also placed intrinsic value to a woman’s chastity: 

“And how is the vice of unchastity confined within boundaries so rigid in the case of the female sex? … it is because even an unchaste man will marry none but a chaste woman.”  (Boumelha; Thomas Hardy and Women. P. 19). “Even if Victorians did not subscribe to the idea of the Angel in the House, they were attracted to the implicit idea of women’s redemptive or salvatory potential.” (Langland, Patriarchal Ideology and Marginal Motherhood in Victorian Novels by Women).

Amelia, through her affairs, is victimised by this victorian mindset - and was not only removed of social capital and status, but ostracized from society and isolated with the consensus being that no matter what she did in the future that she would never be considered a ‘true’ woman - no amount of confession or repentance could change that. She would be, in the eyes of society, ‘damaged goods’; and nothing short of death could change that. With that in mind, we lay the societal groundwork and environment that Amelia grew up surrounded by, and was conditioned in.

PART II: MARY, MOTHER OF GOD; HER ROLE IN THE CHURCH, AND LADY A. COMSTOCK, HOLY MOTHER. 

After the elevation of Columbia and isolation of the cult, Zachary Hale Comstock reveals that Lady Comstock is to birth the messiah in seven days time - a girl who shall ignite the world and cleanse the sodom (re: Earth) below in flame. This prophecy and the action of Elizabeth being brought to Columbia cements Lady Comstock as the cult’s holy mother - the modern day ‘Mother Mary’ for the people to rally around.  Pope John Paul II wrote an encyclical on Mary’s role in the church which can be found here. Given the cult’s proximity to Catholicism in game canon, I have chosen to reference this in regards to Lady Comstock’s role within the cult as the mother of the messiah and the ‘mistress of forgiveness’. 

Mary embraces each and every one in the Church, and embraces each and every one through the Church. In this sense Mary, Mother of the Church, is also the Church's model.

Mary is thus present in the mystery of the Church as a model. But the Church's mystery also consists in generating people to a new and immortal life: this is her motherhood in the Holy Spirit. And here Mary is not only the model and figure of the Church; she is much more. For, "with maternal love she cooperates in the birth and development" of the sons and daughters of Mother Church. 

Amelia, with this position within the cult in mind, is also positioned socially at the helm of society - and in an environment where religion is one with all things in every level, she is to be a model for the women of Columbia and a piece of living, breathing propaganda - all that they are should aspire to be. She is, all at once, the perfect vision of a wife, mother, woman, and citizen in all that she does and must be above reproach in temperament, manner and history - and while she certainly has left things at the proverbial riverside, Amelia’s past is, according to the society she has grown up in and continues to be in, an unforgivable act. It should be noted, of course, that in my canon, lady comstock downplayed her relationships with others, her affairs, and lied in confessional to Zachary Hale Comstock - fearing another rejection after living as a pariah for so long.

Be that as it may - Lady Comstock must be, much like Mary, above her own humanity; a model to all and the spirit of the cult and its reach - for not only is Lady Comstock mother to the lamb (Elizabeth); she is mother to Columbia and all its people - it is her divine and (only) purpose within the cult and its hierarchy - and to fail or waver in that duty - or to question the prophet, who is both god and the church/cult embodied - would, of course, mean she has outlived her usefulness.

The Mother of that Son, therefore, mindful of what has been told her at the Annunciation and in subsequent events, bears within herself the radical "newness" of faith: the beginning of the New Covenant.

Lady Comstock, as the figure/spirit of Mary within the cult, bears the heavy weight of carrying it with her in all forms - Zachary may be a more tangible figurehead than God, and even redirects attention from Amelia to himself, but the narrative remains the same - she is the one to birth their messiah, it is her that carries the future of the cult and prophecy - and with that weight upon her, it is a venerated position meant for an ideal - not a living, breathing person to live up to and occupy. Indeed, Lady Comstock’s role within the cult goes beyond mother to the lamb - but becomes mother of the city and its people; with several referring to her as ‘sweet mother of Columbia’ and ‘mother of forgiveness’ et cetera, et cetera (all Marian-esque titles, might I add).  But Mary, of course, is not just a mother to the messiah and a carrier of the faith - but also a mediator between god and mankind - entreating to god for man, guiding christ to ensure he looks out for man. Mary is the balance - the bridge - between the holy and the mundane; and as such, Lady Comstock serves that same role - and does so, as far as iI can see within canon perception of her as some omnipotent entity ("You won't hide long from her! She knows no blindness!" "Her eyes are open even in the grave! You will not escape!" "I will shine her light on you!" "She sees in channels! Yes, she does!" Which, in canon, she has become in death a saint of justice and in that way they would be praying to her to intercede on their behalf in order to gain god’s justice; but again, Amelia the saint is a separate conversation for another day - and I have already discussed her narrative role as caritas) has her acting on behalf as a conduit for the loyal and devoted when the prophet is ‘busy’; or the prayers are not ‘important’ enough for him to act upon.

Thus there is a mediation: Mary places herself between her Son and mankind in the reality of their wants, needs and sufferings. She puts herself "in the middle," that is to say she acts as a mediatrix not as an outsider, but in her position as mother. She knows that as such she can point out to her Son the needs of mankind, and in fact, she "has the right" to do so. Her mediation is thus in the nature of intercession: Mary "intercedes" for mankind.

The teaching of the Second Vatican Council presents the truth of Mary's mediation as "a sharing in the one unique source that is the mediation of Christ himself." Thus we read: "The Church does not hesitate to profess this subordinate role of Mary. She experiences it continuously and commends it to the hearts of the faithful, so that, encouraged by this maternal help, they may more closely adhere to the Mediator and Redeemer." This role is at the same time special and extraordinary. It flows from her divine motherhood and can be understood and lived in faith only on the basis of the full truth of this motherhood. 

Of course, this role is steeped in the fact that she is still a mother to the city, the faith (read; cult), and to its messiah - it is because she is a mother that she intercedes on behalf of man, and in that vein, it is also why Lady Comstock is shown to be that same mediator in the balance between god and man - because she is a mother; and not just any mother, but the mother of mothers within the cult. Above all else, her role is that of holy mother - mother in all ways, mother of all things; perfection and humility incarnate - and selfless, as only any holy mother can be. 

PART III: SIMPLY, AMELIA. 

Now that I have discussed the environment and views in which Amelia was raised in and formed by - as well as her role within the cult, we can discuss how all of this has impact her at her core; her identity, and her relationship with herself and the societal ideal of womanhood that she has found herself to be exemplifying. The years of social shunning and shame and the sudden exaltation of herself by the masses has, to put it lightly, twisted her sense of self and her views on herself.

Amelia was 16-18 during the time she found herself ostracized from society - two years of being treated as lower than dirt; two years of being reviled and shunned; of having all manner of comments and insults hurled her way by “polite society”. While obviously, her treatment of her flings was not the greatest - she did not deserve the outright disgust from the people around her, who would have simply been neutral on the matter had she been a man. Not only that, but having friends and those who had watched her grow up - people she had respected - and eventually, her own family; not only turn away from her and leave her alone, but to insult her and shun her at every turn? That would deeply effect someone at any age; let alone an upset teenager who is lashing out at the world. Give it enough time, and no matter how much she might pretend that it does not effect her, it will - and Amelia begins to internalise these thoughts, these insults, these actions - believing that she deserves this; that she is everything that has been said about her, that she is unforgivable, and nothing could reconcile that now that she had left the good graces of society, and all that she understood about womanhood - that there was nothing beyond duty, motherhood, and rearing children; and now that she had strayed from this path, there was no recovering, or going back from this no matter what she did to attempt to fix it.  With all of this in play, it did leave Amelia open to being indoctrinated into the cult under the guise and appeal of finally finding redemption and getting a second start - a clean slate. She would have had no support system, no family looking out for her in order to keep their own reputations unsullied, and would have been at a very low point mentally/emotionally. This leaves her vulnerable - and it is all too easy for Zachary to draw her deeper into the cult once he finds out she has money to spare. Even with all this talk of redemption and clean slates, however, Amelia knows at this point that what she has done is unforgivable to the eyes of society - and fearing losing her chance at this second chance, she would lie to Zachary; claiming that the gossip was hearsay spread by men who she had spurned. This omission is understandable - but she continues to internalise these thoughts and beliefs, having no one to healthily discuss her emotions and thoughts with.�� Her self-view continues to twist upon entering Columbia - the sudden exaltation; the prophecy that she is to bear the Messiah; first met with elation, but then sadness and despair as it becomes clear in game canon that she and the Prophet cannot conceive. Zachary mentions this in audio briefly:

“The Archangel tells me that Columbia will only survive so long as my line sits the throne. Yet Lady Comstock produces no child. I have done what a man can do, yet there is no child! I have asked Lutece about the matter, but even she refuses to help.” (A Broken Circle; recorded in universe on September the 10th, 1893; a month before Elizabeth’s arrival in Columbia)

The implication here is that Zachary blames Amelia for their failure to conceive - something that was common to do at the time with couples struggling with fertility. Amelia, too, blames herself - believing that her indiscretions have manifested into infertility; and that for lying to Zachary about the extent of these affairs, that God, himself, is punishing her with infertility - as all she knows is that women who have ‘fallen’ in the way she has never receive grace. 

With that in mind, it can also be argued that her outburst in Rosalind Lutece’s home after Elizabeth’s arrival in Columbia was as much anger and hurt at the thought Zachary had had an affair with her, but a projection of her own thoughts and feelings towards herself on to Rosalind. 

I have touched on the fact Amelia does not enjoy the deification she has received within the cult and in Columbia - it makes her uncomfortable at a base level; for she does not believe that she deserves it. Elizabeth is not ‘her child’ (though she comes to accept that she is indeed her daughter years down the road) - the messiah is a lie, the prophecy is a lie; and she, too, is a lie - but at every turn, she is praised as mother, above all else - when she knows this to be a lie; and believes that God, again, is punishing her for her transgressions. It is a heavy thing, to go from a social pariah to the apex of society - the ideal in everything. All those expectations would be crushing - and they are. Amelia has no resources or ability to cope with the self-loathing she feels internally, nor any ability to cope with or compartmentalize the devotion the public shows her - and it is killing her; and the blind adoration she receives does not sit well upon her shoulders. It is uncomfortable, to say the least - and has, over the years, twisted into self-loathing as she understands herself to be ‘unwoman’ in the eyes of society, while exemplifying womanhood within the cult - and endeavours to redeem herself by acting and being as she should, resulting in an unhealthy relationship with herself and her own sexuality. 

Going deeper into that, Amelia treats herself with distance - she is not herself, her desires are not hers, and has become, in years, very much a voyeur into her own life - she has numbed herself, frozen herself; and in attempting to become this caricature of a woman and mother that Columbia has asked her to be: unerring, perfect - and above feeling. It manifests in certain ways - namely in her appearance, as she attempts to reclaim her femininity and own womanhood and exist with it in peace.

But if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering. Luke 7:38 ESV

Hair was also a symbol of womanhood in the Victorian Era with extreme importance placed upon it - Amelia covers hers, grows it long; wears it in elaborate styles - it is an intrinsic part of her; an extension - a visual representation of her reclamation of what she feels was taken from her. She’s got an unhealthy attachment to her hair - won’t let scissors near it - it is a core part of her identity. In addition, she dresses, of course, as she must - never too gaudy or ostentatious; always down to her toes, up to her neck, and down to her wrists - always blue, as a symbol of motherhood, of femininity. This, of course; is not as important to her as her hair - nor is it as important to her as the repression of her own sexual desires and appetites; which she cannot get rid of and are a great source of destress for her when they do surface, as she is constantly fighting against herself to be as she believes she is supposed to be: devoid of any desire. 

But at the end of the day, she still finds that she does hate herself - and believes, at her heart, that it will only take one small thing to send her back to the state she once was in, for she has never achieved grace - and feels altogether undeserving of the title of mother, and all that it implies. 

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CALL IT PROGRESS: a quick write up on amelia's modern au.

in which: some things change, a lot does not.

AN OVERVIEW

the jist of infinite is still very much the same in my modern verse; the multiverse is still a present and overarching theme, elizabeth is still stolen from another universe and has divine omnipotence and cosmic powers. booker still is brought in by the luteces to save elizabeth from the cult; only now it is set in upstate new york as well as new york city ( and the rest of the usa ) and is pretty flexible in terms of timeline; i don't really have a set decade or year that this occurs in.

WHAT IS DIFFERENT?

amelia lives, obviously. she raises elizabeth as her own and knows that elizabeth is also her child from another universe; from another her. zachary, of course, did not tell her this - it is rosalind who always tells the truth of the matter to amelia. booker is a veteran of the gulf war and received dishonourable discharge from the military before starting a PI business in new york before being tasked to 'track and retrieve' amelia and elizabeth from the cult. for ease of interaction, however, i usually have amelia taking elizabeth and fleeing the cult once elizabeth turns 9; freeing amelia up for a variety of scenarios as she attempts to navigate her life after being so deeply stuck and woven in to the fabric of a cult.

THE CULT.

while i have gotten rid of the flying city; columbia exists as comstock's compound / cult town in upstate new york; somewhere in the high flats forest. it is a closed off community of nationalist death cultists who believe that elizabeth is the second coming of god and that she will cleanse the earth so that man may begin anew ( if any of the cultists will see this is of little importance to them; so long as it occurs when the prophet comstock has said it would ). while the feds have been poking around the cult for some time, it is difficult - the cult's population is large; and while some of it is spread through the usa, it is concentrated in new york - enough that zachary is one of new york's two senators; and there are rumours that zachary has designs to run for president once he feels his supporters have grown tenfold. amelia, while still in the cult, does not leave the compound and has not been seen by her remaining family members for some time - attempts to contact her are either ignored or met with pushback from whoever is in charge of receiving amelia's mail.

THE AFTERMATH:

amelia has few supporters in the compound - and even so, trusts them very little after zachary attempting to take her life. desperation, however, takes its toll - and with their help, amelia creates and escape plan for herself and elizabeth. lapses in perimeter guards; safe routes and houses; provisions for the long trail she will have to run until she reaches colton, new york. once she is free from the cult, amelia goes to the police and fbi; and turns over zachary and the higher-ups after revealing his plans and machinations. the compound is raided, zachary is arrested and charged with a myriad of things - treason being the top of the list. amelia is made, on court order, to go to an fbi approved therapist who will update them on her progress and if she is truly an innocent party - the public outcry to have amelia arrested as well is loud; after all, she is zachary's wife - but the feds are hesitant to charge a mother of a small child who handed them the cult and its leaders on a plate. while amelia is in therapy afterwards, she has difficulty adjusting to 'normal' life - and is worried she will never quite shake zachary and his teachings from herself.

[sanctamater]

𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁  /  𝙱𝙻𝙾𝙶 𝙰𝚂𝚂𝙾𝙲𝙸𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽.

⸻ Amelia Comstock (née Van Nostrand)

ANIMAL: the white dove; a symbol and harbinger of peace and hope in equal measure; associated with the holy spirit, purity, redemption, and above all - holiness. it is often seen with mary as a symbol of her purity and devotion; and given amelia’s proximity to mary within the cult, it is fitting in all forms. ironically, the cult chooses to associate her with a crow - an interesting glimpse into victorian mysticism surrounding the dead. 

COLOR(S): royal blue, sky blue, deep blue - the blue of mary’s mantle, the blue of holy cloth, of anointed kings and queens. the blue of the ocean, the blue of birds - white and gold. 

MONTH: summer months - when it’s hot and blazing, when it’s sunny and bright and the breeze is cool. she remembers her youth, spent at newport with her feet in the ocean; with her father and mother and cousins - when she finds the world is at it’s most green and vibrant; when all her favourite fruits and vegetables are available - when nature touches her just so and she feels painfully alive. alive in the wind, alive when she squints because the sun hurts her eyes, alive when she isn’t careful and manages to get a sunburn on her cheeks, her hands. it’s one of the few times in the year that she is at her best - and most grounded. 

SONGS: gilded lily by cults / ptolemaea by ethel cain / dust after rest by boychik

DAY OR NIGHT: dawn; when the sky is violent pinks and oranges and gold; when the sun is blinding. 

PLANT: forget-me-nots as blue as her eyes. 

SMELL: her own personal perfume; often replicated, but never duplicated ( top notes of fig, bergamot, plum leaves and pear. middle notes of jasmine, cyclamen, orris, orange blossom. bottom notes of amber, vanilla, musk) - fresh linens; fresh baked sweets, of the caramels she keeps in her pockets for children. 

GEMSTONE: sapphire. 

SEASON: spring. 

FOOD: milk chocolate - plain, nothing fancy. rich and creamy and smooth - a treat to be had over the course of several days. 

ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: taurus 

ELEMENT: water - deep and powerful as the ocean; all encompassing. 

DRINK: white wines; tea and coffee with so much sugar and milk and hardly qualifies as tea or coffee.

TAGGED BY: @femtaillle​ mwah thank u  TAGGING: @doloridis, @spakona, @wrench-jackie, @idolbound, @highevar, @blitzkriegers, @sylluna, @standbetween

[sanctamater]

Q : which tragic death would you suffer?

A : the unfinished: you die, hand outstretched towards the sky, as if to say 'I'm not done yet.' there are so many things you still have to do, so many goals you still have to reach. you've spent your entire life working towards them, and doing nothing else, only to die before knowing what accomplishment feels like. they'll say your death was a pity, that you had such a bright future ahead of you. it is one you'll never get to see.

tagged by:  @femtaile ouch tagging:  @spakona, @wrench-jackie, @magicbound, @afraidofchange, @astrancva

[sanctamater]

WHAT JEWEL ARE YOUR BONES MADE OF?

STAR SAPPHIRE.  well hello, beautiful. how does it feel to have their eyes on you all the time? do you like to perform? do you like the way their hands reach for you as you turn in the spotlight? do you wish they would stop? they won’t. they can’t help it. is that the reaction you wanted? you want them to laugh, to cry, to moan, to yell at you maybe. you only exist in the lines spreading across the faces of others, right? if nobody thinks of you, you aren’t. so you make yourself headline news and they won’t look away attention won’t solidify you when the sun comes up and love won’t fill that hole inside. you might want to install an alarm system. just because they want you, doesn’t mean you have to give yourself.

tagged by: @doloridis fuck you wtf tagging: @idolbound @magicbound @wrench-jackie @spakona @standbetween @highevar

[sanctamater]

has amelia ever fallen in love with a devotee?

when it comes to amelia and devotees/cultists that she is above in both social status and cult rank, amelia will attempt to keep a very healthy distance from fellow cult members. she's uncomfortable with being worshipped as a saint and while i do not doubt there have been devotees who express love (read: obsession) towards her, she is, above all else, the public and perfect image of a dutiful wife and mother - but beyond that, she is deeply uncomfortable with being around devotees. she knows they don't see her as a person with thoughts and feelings; and that they will never see her as such. though in her many canons there is no word or idea of para-social relationships, amelia does recognise it for what it is: devotees have an idea of her in their head; and often come with pre-formed thoughts, ideas, and feelings towards her - or the notion that they somehow know her. amelia, to put it bluntly, would never fall in love with a devotee - much less be friends with them. when she does pick and choose lovers, she seeks out people who are not connected with the cult as both a safety buffer for herself and as an act of rebellion. the imbalance between herself and a devotee reminds her of her own marriage and zachary; and is understandably a bit of a trigger for her anxieties and she cannot be one on one with a devotee for too long before she starts looking for exits.

[sanctamater]

the van nostrand family home sits firmly at 51 east 80th street, at the intersection of madison ave and a block away from 5th avenue; firmly at the seat of both the metropolitan museum of art and central park. it is an impressive, classic brownstone with italian influence in the wrought iron doors and the carvings of the stone; boasting four floors in addition to a lower basement level which serves as a work and living quarters for any staff. the brownstone, which was commissioned in 1879 by amelia's father, james van nostrand, boasts six bedrooms (with two dressing rooms), seven bathrooms (not counting staff quarters), a ballroom, two dining rooms (informal and formal), a library, two offices, a music room, parlour, sitting room, and a drawing room. the interior boasts italian marble floors and imported walnut and oak panelling/floors; and is furnished with family heirlooms and portraits. the decoration was left to the matriarch of the family, anna van nostrand, who had it decorated in the same popular italian style that the brownstone is based off of - what the family did not possess, they imported directly from italy, sparing no expense. in addition, it boasts indoor plumbing, gaslamps, and a fireplace in almost every room.

while the home was built to accommodate the growing family after amelia's aunt and james' widowed sister-in-law, marianne, came to live with her in-laws with her two young daughters after her husband passed suddenly; it was also strategically planned - their former, smaller family home (a plain, three floor brownstone - much too small for eight people to occupy as a family) was 201 east 18th st; an area that had been slipping out of fashion over the past decade as more and more of the 400 left to build newer mansions in the trendier areas along 5th avenue - to stay in favour, one had to keep up with the jones family. literally.

51 east 80th st was completed in 1883; only a few months before amelia's mother, anna, died in childbirth - casting a permanent shadow on the family home that lasted well after her passing. its fate is always up in the air - the mrs comstock signs the deed over to zachary upon marrying him; and he, in turn, sells it to the van nostrands when they leave for columbia. in other universes, booker sells it to the van nostrands after inheriting it from amelia after her passing - and sells it to them for an astronomically low some. in others, it becomes the family home of the dewitts after booker and amelia marry - and passes down through the dewitt family well into the present. once the circle is broken, amelia simply signs the deed over to her cousin upon leaving for england, and does not return to her childhood home - or new york - ever again.

[sanctamater]

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A FAIR GAME. ONLY WINNERS AND LOSERS. a cyber.punk au.

in which our lady can never really wash away the blood she's stained her hands with, even fifty years later.

this is also going to be a long one. i will try and divide it up as best i can, but regardless, it will be long.

THE BASICS. NAME: Amelia Comstock; formerly Van Nostrand TITLES AND STYLES: Mrs. [A.] Comstock, Militech's Heart, Militech's Voice of Reason, The Good Lady, Our Lady, Gilded Lady, COO, Boss. OCCUPATION: Chief Operating Officer (COO) of Militech, philanthropist. CLASS: Corpo exec; full Corpo Immunity. Combat Medic. NC ID #: 67-0431-1997 AGE: 80 as of 2077; looks to be in her late 30s thanks to Nanobots and what Amelia will call an excellent night cream. DATE AND PLACE OF BIRTH: April 31st, 1997, New York City, New York; NUSA (formerly known as the United States of America) MARITAL STATUS: Married to Senator Zachary Hale Comstock; Senator of New York State and leader of the Founder Religion (read: cult) CHILDREN: Elizabeth Comstock (born 2016); whereabouts currently unknown to general public. Her disappearance in 2023 has been the subject of much speculation.

EXTRAS. NOTABLE FEATURES: Notably, a gilded cybernetic neck that has been engraved with art deco lines. It is her largest piece of cyberware that she has installed - having done so after surviving the attempt on her life in 2018, rendering her neck invulnerable to organic damage. It contains an AI replica of her voice; and occasionally will glitch and warp into a robotic voice - think Siri or Alexa. In addition, she has 5 gold tears implanted under her eyes; 2 on her left cheekbone, and 3 on her right. These serve no purpose other than aesthetics; but reference the sorrows of Mary and hold personal meeting as Amelia counts her own sorrows. She has yet to reach 7. Gold cybernetics run up her legs as well - and her left ring finger has been replaced with a golden cybernetic one in place of a wedding band; a 'request' from Zachary. Amelia dresses in severe, black Militech garb - a knee length, long sleeved, high collared black dress that displays a clerical collar. Her uniform usually has gold edging and she wears a ballistic vest outfitted with a glowing, red Militech insignia that doubles as a tracking device, and another insignia next to it of a white cross on a red background, signalling her status as medical personnel.

ON THE CULT. Senator Zachary Hale Comstock (representative of New York state) is the head of an ever growing cult known as ‘The Founder’s Faith’; focusing on colonial America and an attempt to return to ‘true democracy’ and a ‘true America’. The cult decries all forms of cyberware and Media infiltration, and despite the Senator’s ties to Militech that enabled him to become a Senator, the cult is against Militech run government and corp meddling in general. It values a ‘traditional’ lifestyle, and Senator Comstock preaches a return to those values; and promises that should he ever be placed in charge by the grace of God, he will return the NUSA to its glory days no matter the cost. In reality, the cult is a death cult that seeks to destroy the NUSA in its entirety and rebuild anew, with Zachary climbing the ladder higher in a bid to eventually become President - with their daughter Elizabeth following in his footsteps. Zachary embezzles funds and tech from Militech to further this outcome through his wife; and when Amelia realised what she had given entry to after marrying him, she attempted to whistleblow and expose him in front of the board. The Senator attempted to strangle his wife to death, and failed. Now, she lives quietly - and bides her time. 

ON ELIZABETH. Elizabeth would have been, for all intents and purposes, a normal girl had she not been subjected to the experiments of Rosalind and Zachary. As an infant, they attempted to do the impossible: bridge Elizabeth's mind between the here and The Net. Given her age and how malleable she was, the splitting was a success - a first time achievement in history - allowing Elizabeth to exist across two planes at once. Elizabeth can enter the Net without any assistance; ICE poses no issue to her - she can walk through firewalls with ease and encounter rogue AI and daemons without problems; even building and accessing formerly dark and abandoned areas in the Net. This is something that is kept secret - every corpo, gov and gang would attempt to get their hands on on Elizabeth if this were common knowledge - even Amelia does not know; and Elizabeth is guarded by Sentient AI called 'SONGBIRD' from her 'TOWER'; where she has been learning for 50 years, isolated from the world.

ON ROSALIND AND ROBERT. Rosalind Lutece was a premiere scientist and Netrunner in the USA; known for creating excellent AI and advancements in Net infrastructure. She was contracted by Zachary to look in to using and harnessing the Net as a weapon; and what would happen if the Net fell. Assisting her in this was the AI 'ROBERT'; an AI she created based on herself - a brother of sorts. Robert assisted with the experiment upon Elizabeth; but later became sentient, and regretted his involvement. Robert successfully convinced Rosalind to attempt to free Elizabeth in 2035; only to have Rosalind killed by Zachary. Distraught, Robert created a copy of Rosalind as AI - the two are now rogue beings in the net.

TIMELINE: 2013 - 2023

2013

Amelia's father, one of the original board members of Militech, passes suddenly; leaving Amelia both his seat in the board of directors and the family weapons and munitions factory.

Amelia takes to the position with zeal despite her youth; having grown up with Militech executives and been involved in its business since birth - though young, she is well liked and easy to get along with, and quickly becomes a voice of reason. To placate Lundee, who Amelia quickly finds herself in opposition with, she enters Yale early, enrolling into a BA for Political Science, which she aims to complete in 2 years at the age of 18.

2015

Amelia completes her BA. An internal coup is staged and Amelia is taken out of her place in the board by supporters and placed as the COO of Militech; with many hoping to use her as a buffer to Lundee. That's the official memo - but most of the faction know she is young and impressionable, and wish to use Amelia as a puppet COO to advance their own agenda.

Amelia decides to get an MA in Business Studies to complete her education at Yale. She meets Zachary Hale Comstock there; who is preaching his doctrine and dogma around the USA. There, he preached against corpowars and the power of technology; claiming it was a corrupting force, and warned of more and more corpowars in the future. Amelia, wishing for Militech to become more than just a weapons and arms dealer, envisioning them as peacekeeping, non-partisan corporation is enthralled by this, and continues to attend his sermons.

Amelia and Zachary are married in May of 2015; he uses Amelia's influence to jumpstart his political career and increase the range of the cult.

Militech assigns ex-soldier turned bodyguard, Booker DeWitt, to Amelia in the face of unrest. Amelia quickly finds that married life is not what she expected; Zachary is prone to bouts of explosive anger, belittles her, and demands a child from her - claiming that his prophecy to save America involves a child being born of their union. Amelia is under intense pressure to conceive, and confides often in Booker. The two begin an affair.

2016

Elizabeth Comstock is born in early winter, 2016. The labour is a traumatic one for Amelia, who is only 19. There are rumours that Zachary Hale Comstock is not the father; and that Booker DeWitt is.

Zachary Hale Comstock begins to embezzle funds from Militech using Amelia's clearances to fund research with Rosalind Lutece.

The Third Corpo War begins and ends; proving Earth-shattering. Zachary uses this as an opportunity to claim he had prophesied this. The cult continues to grow.

2017

Amelia is moved from New York City to Night City. She takes Elizabeth with her as Zachary has no interest in child-rearing, believing it to be Amelia's sole duty and purpose.

Amelia begins to notice someone is using her credentials and clearance and that her spending accounts do not match up with her own personal records.

2018

Amelia confronts Zachary about his embezzlement after rooting through his office desk on a return trip to New York City. The argument escalates and becomes physical. Zachary attempts to strangle Amelia to death when she threatens to reveal his research to Militech and his embezzlement of their funds. Amelia escapes by gouging out his organic eyes with her nails, and promises to stay quiet. Zachary ensures this by threatening her with Elizabeth being taken from her.

The attack is passed off as an assassination attempt, blaming Lazarus for the hit. Lazarus denies these claims.

Militech releases Booker DeWitt from service after failing to protect Amelia. He becomes a solo in Night City.

2019

Amelia replaces her neck with her now iconic gilded one; and implants two tears on her cheek. One for her attempted murder, and one for her silence.

2020

Elizabeth begins to manifest strange abilities connected to the Net. Rosalind Lutece implies Elizabeth would be an excellent Netrunner should she be allowed to train her. Amelia rebukes this.

2021

Booker and Amelia get back together.

The Fourth Corpo war begins.

2022

Militech and Arasaka become involved in the corpo war after OTEK and CINO come to a standstill; Donald Lundee pushes for more and more covert tactics and strikes against Arasaka in an attempt to push them out from the USA. Amelia and her faction disagree; and the two begin to clash.

Arasaka strikes at Militech's Night City HQ; killing dozens - Amelia escapes, and is later seen providing medical attention to both Militech and Arasaka forces with a dedicated medical team. The image of her doing so endears her to the public.

Zachary Hale Comstock is elected Senator of New York City; there are rumours that Militech interfered with the election to ensure the husband of their COO gained office.

The war continues with cities and countries being reduced to ash. Lundee continues to order strike upon strike; tensions begin to mount as Lundee and Amelia's factions gather strength - only to have both corps nationalised, effectively ending the war.

President Elizabeth Kress reactivates Militech with the goal of ridding Arasaka from the USA's borders. Lundee and Amelia are brought back on board and the war resumes.

Booker and Amelia make plans to leave Night City and flee to a different state, taking Elizabeth with them and starting life anew.

2023

A scream sheet reveals that Booker and Amelia have been having an affair. The fallout is astronomical.

Citing moral failure on Amelia's part, Zachary seizes Elizabeth from Amelia's custody, and places her in 'The Tower' within Night City to be observed by Rosalind Lutece.

Amelia is brought before the Militech board and put on trial for her ties to an anarchist; only saved by her own powerful faction. Lundee gives her one last chance.

Eager to make good on his commission, Lundee devises a plan to end the war once and for all: a bomb to the heart of Arasaka, forever crippling its roots in the USA.

Amelia, eager to regain status in Militech, signs off on the strike against Arasaka with Lundee's blessing. The funds are given to Johnny Silverhand.

On August 23rd, 2023, Johnny Silverhand and Morgan Blackhand lead a strike team into Arasaka tower. The nuclear blast kills 12,000 and killed over 750,000 more. Johnny Silverhand dies in combat.

Amelia, in the aftermath, leads another medical team to provide aid to injured citizens and take the spotlight off of militch.

Amelia gets three tears implanted upon her cheek: one for Elizabeth, one for Night City, and one for Booker. The guilt eats at her - but the corpo war has ended, and Militech and the USA are now one in the same.

2077 INVOLVEMENT

THE JIST: Amelia has been working from Washington, DC since 2023. For the past 50 years, she has stood as a voice of reason within Militech, and has a devoted faction within the corp in addition to the cult. With tensions mounting between Arasaka and Militech again, she has been sent back to Night City to facilitate peace talks.

MISSIONS: In the main narrative of CP77, Amelia is only hinted at returning to the city at first, and does not appear in the narrative until after Alt is contacted in Pacifica.

MY WRATH MAY NOT GO FORTH LIKE FIRE! On a routine cyberpyscho job from Regina, V will have the choice to kill or spare a solo (Booker DeWitt) that has gone off the deep end. Upon sparing him, V will exit to see Militech vans coming to collect the solo from the scene. No agents will answer any questions; but if the player looks, they will see the gleam of a gilded neck from behind one of the tinted windows. 

REPAY NO ONE EVIL FOR EVIL: Amelia will contact V through a Militech fixer offering a small job - stealing back Militech information from an Arasaka counter intel agent. She will pay a bonus for stealth, and deduct pay if caught or if V zeroes any agents, regardless of them being Arasaka or not.

YOU SHALL NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS: Amelia's fixer will contact V again, offering them another job rescuing a Militech officer from Arasaka interrogation. She will reward stealth, and will deduct again if the officer or any Arasaka personnel are killed.

BRING ME THE HEAD OF HOLOFERNES! Amelia will then contact V anonymously about 7 in game days after this third mission has passed, offhandedly saying that she has heard of V’s name in Night City and their reputation precedes them; that she has a job for them that pays well, if they’d like to hear it. Amelia will then invite V to her apartment, and introduce herself fully there - away from prying eyes. It is there that Amelia requests a hit on her husband - and NUSA Presidential Candidate; who is in Night City for a debate - Senator Zachary Hale Comstock; saying that this is a job that needs V’s strength, cunning - and, most importantly, V’s kindness.  Note: If V chooses to kill the solo, Amelia will still offer this mission; but she’ll be noticeably distant and instead mention that this hit requires someone who’s a cold blooded killer who doesn’t think, just acts.

There are some catches to this job, however. Security is tight, and stealth is a must: detection would risk the cult martyring Zachary, and it cannot seem anything other than an accident or a suicide - something V will have to choose what to do. On completing this mission successfully, V will be wired 55,000 eddies. Failure to stealth nullifies the job entirely.

HER CHILDREN ARRIVE AND CALL HER BLESSED: Amelia will then contact V and request for V to release Elizabeth to her before Zachary's inner circle gets their hands on Elizabeth; V will have to stealth going through 3 floors of a penthouse in a mega tower in order to get to Elizabeth, and disable the AI Songbird in order to retrieve her and bring her to Amelia. Once Songbird is disabled, Elizabeth will assist V with enemy takedown and quick hacking. Stealth is mandatory - failure to stealth will result in mission failure. Upon driving Elizabeth to Amelia, V is wired 90,000 eddies and is profusely thanked by Amelia.

THE END: At the end of the game, a successful mission will show the cult dissolving without a head; a failure will show the cult instead securing Elizabeth and using them to forge their path. Turning down the mission will show that President Myers has been assassinated, and Zachary Hale Comstock has won the ‘election’. 

If V took Hanako’s deal: Tensions between Arasaka and Militech will continue to rise now that Saburo is effectively immortal.  If V put carried out a strike on Arasaka with Rogue: With Arasaka in tatters, Amelia is able to discuss terms with the rival corp and alleviate the tension somewhat - for now. She becomes the next CEO of Militech and announces a new, brighter future ahead. If V solo'd with Johnny or put a strike with the Aldecaldos: Amelia, Booker, and Elizabeth leave Night City to continue Booker's therapy.

[sanctamater]

and i eventually will go in to heavier detail about the choice to associate amelia's character with crow imagery to the point where crows are seen as an extension of her spirit

mary is said to have spoken to birds and asked them to sing praises about god and that birds would bring flowers to mary - the swallow is most commonly associated with her, followed by the finch and the dove. meanwhile, crows - especially in 1912 - are associated with death and powerful foresight which does tie in to the belief that amelia is an omnipotent saint who judges those who have sinned. on an occult level, crows can also represent spiritual law and can travel between realms - it's very interesting to bind these to the holy mother, if not a really interesting way to foreshadow the siren.

[sanctamater]

amelia is not openly bi in any sense across the variety of dimensions/multiverses for a great variety of reasons (mostly to do with setting, the fact she's in an extremely conservative cult... et cetera) - doesn't even have a word for her identity. having crushes on girls in church - childhood friends that made her heart flutter, being jealous of suitors and the women they courted - wanting the attentions of the debutante for herself - brief relationships with other women and debutantes her age, other women just like her that she holds dear to herself. just little things.

[sanctamater]

WHERE DOES YOUR POWER LIE?

the eyes. you are always looking. ahead, back, up, down. you can see all the possibilities, all the consequences, all the stars. your power is steady, squinting, taking everything in. your power is glaring, shining. your strength is in tears of happiness, sorrow, anger, fear. your strength is in your ability to dream, to understand. and you are never the first to blink.

tagged by: @gaynsborough i am in your walls

tagging: @blitzkriegers, @miscelliany, @2usan, @2aegon, @wintersdecay​

[sanctamater]

SOLDIER, POET, KING? 

YOU ARE A KING. ‘there will come a ruler / who’s brow is laid in thorn / smeared with oil like david's boy’ duty. strength. resignation. you were told to do things and you did them. the world is something that was put into your hands and that you must deal with - so you will. you have a rigid back and steady hands, either metaphorically or physically. is it nature or nurture ? you don't know. you are tired of being steady. you dream of feeling alive. not that you aren't, but, sometimes, it's hard to remember that there is a heart between your ribs. your love is where you breathe. come on, breathe. in. out. it starts now.

tagged by: no one i stole this tagging: @idolbound, @afraidofchange @magicbound, @wrench-jackie, @spakona, @doloridis