#'I pray your breaks go out runnin down the hill / I pray a flower pot falls from a windowsill / and knocks you in the head like I'd like to

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: May 5

"I Hope It Rains" by Jana Kramer

[ridiculousyoungicarus]

i wanna hide the truth, i wanna shelter you

a love letter to luxor’s zander driskell

I want to start off with a disclaimer that there’s a bunch more pre-Luxor content on this one compared to the girls’, but with Zander it felt extremely important to explore that aspect. There’s a note on the section where I’m finally playing him in the roleplay due to that, but anything before that point is before I started playing him in the group. Anyway, I’m proud to present a 3 hour Zander playlist, come help me judge him for the amount of references to his dad and Ches throughout this entire playlist.

Yet again I’d like to thank Lex for help throughout this process, and warn everyone that the usual Zander trigger warnings are all over this playlist (mental health, violence, abuse / child abuse, etc etc). Anything additional is noted on the sections.

‘cause i had a fire, passion and desire. now all i require are circuits and wires | pre-luxor:

zander before attending luxor additional tws: potential self harm (breathe me)

iRobot (Jon Bellion) [ I was a human, before you killed me and ripped my heart out. ] // Breathe Me - Acoustic (Jonathan Roy) [ I think that I might break and lost myself again and I feel so unsafe. ] // Tell Me Why (Taylor Swift) [ Why do you have to make me feel small so you can feel whole inside? Why do you have to put down my dreams so you're the only thing on my mind? ] // Weight Of Living, Pt. II (Bastille) [ All that you desired when you were a child was to be old. Now that you are here, suddenly you fear you've lost control. ]

happiness is beautiful to see, won't you box it up for me? | sophomore year:

zander’s sophomore year at luxor, and the introduction to one ches elswood. additional tws: bleed out can be extremely uncomfortable to listen to with the whole, bleeding out theme. please skip that song if you feel you need to

Cop Car (Keith Urban) [ You were thinking that running for it would make a good story; I was thinking you were crazy as hell. ] // Don't Trust Me (Phillip Phillips) [ So when I say I'm okay, don't trust me. ] // Burn Out (Imagine Dragons) [ Oh, give me strength, and give me peace. Does anyone out there want to hear me? ] // Crawling (Linkin Park) [ This lack of self-control I fear is never-ending. Controlling, I can't seem. ] // Bleed Out (Blue October) [ Will I bleed out? I gave it all, but you can't stop taking from me. And way down, I know you know where to cut me with your eyes closed. ] // Don't Sing the Blues (Bohnes) [ I was ridiculous, young Icarus. I flew too close to the sun. ]

do you remember all the plans we made? | helena:

a section dedicated to zander’s relationship with helena additional tws: sex (carry your throne), alcohol (tonight I wanna cry)

Carry Your Throne (Jon Bellion) [ If you're lost in this darkness I'll carry your throne. No, I won't let it swallow you whole. ] // Snake Eyes (Mumford & Sons) [ It's in the eyes. I can tell, you will always be danger. ] // Halfway Gone (Lifehouse) [ You were always hard to hold, so letting go ain't easy. I'm hanging on but growing cold. ] // The Promise (Andy Black) [ Tell me what ever happened to the love we gave, the promise that we both betrayed. ] // Tonight I Wanna Cry (Keith Urban) [ And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control, but I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain. To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes, tonight I want to cry. ]

i say one day the valley is gonna swallow me whole, i feel like a photo that's been overexposed | junior year (‘18-‘19):

junior year of high school, fairly self explanatory additional tws: smoking (antisocial)

Flaws (Bastille) [ You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve and I have always buried them deep beneath the ground. Dig them up. Let's finish what we've started. ] // Battle Cry (Imagine Dragons) [ Just one more time before I go, I'll let you know that all this time I've been afraid, wouldn't let it show. Nobody can save me now, no. ] // 12 Rounds (Bohnes) [ I'm coming home, I've got some things to say. My gloves are on and my shoes are almost laced. ] // Novocaine (Fall Out Boy) [ Don’t mind me, I’m just the son of a gun. So don’t stop, don't stop 'till your heart goes numb. Now I’m just numb, I don’t feel a thing for you. ] // Machine (Imagine Dragons) [ 'Cause I've been wondering when you gonna see I'm not for sale. I've been questioning when you gonna see I'm not a part of your machine. ] // Antisocial (Ed Sheeran feat. Travis Scott) [ So antisocial, but I don't care. Don't give a damn, I'm gonna smoke here. ] // Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea (Fall Out Boy) [ Seems like the whole damn world went and lost its mind and all my childhood heroes have fallen off or died. ] // Never Going Back (The Score) [ I'm never gonna follow just because they say so. ]

consign me not to darkness | summer 2019:

the summer after the merge, where zander is stuck at home working for lance additional tws:  alcohol (if you’re going through hell)

Two Evils (Bastille) [ I'm the lesser of two evils or am I tricking myself nice? ] // Man or a Monster (Sam Tinnesz feat. Zayde Wølf) [ When you look at yourself, are you a man or a monster? ] // DNA (Lia Marie Johnson) [ Are the pieces of you in the pieces of me? I'm just so scared you're who I'll be. When I erupt just like you do, they look at me like I look at you. ] // Broken Crown (Mumford & Sons) [ So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down I'll never wear your broken crown. I can take the road and I can fuck it all away, but in this twilight, our choices seal our fate. ] // If You're Going Through Hell {Before The Devil Even Knows} (Rodney Atkins) [ I've been deep down in that darkness, I've been down to my last match. Felt a hundred different demons breathin' fire down my back. ] // Mud On the Tires (Brad Paisley) [ 'Cause it's a good night to be out there soakin' up the moonlight. ] // Pray For You (Jaron And The Long Road To Love) [ I pray your brakes go out runnin' down a hill, I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I'd like to. ]

but all the scars they prove that i fought my way through so, i always keep 'em showing | senior year of hs (‘19-‘20)

finally, the point in the timeline where zander is actually getting roleplayed by me. includes summer camp fun too

The Silence (Bastille) [ Tell me a piece of your history that you've never said out loud. Pull the rug beneath my feet, and shake me to the ground. ] // Stand Up (The Cab) [ Yeah, all of my demons are kicking and screaming but I'll never leave them behind. Yeah, maybe I'm crazy but don't try to save me, 'cause I've never felt so alive. ] // Only One (The Score) [ Tell me how it feels to know I'm not a puppet under control. I cut the strings a long time ago. ]

running from the devil, but the devil takes hold | fall & winter 2020:

a new school year, increased disdain for his father, a certain set of posters, and the start of realizing there may be something wrong with him.

Gold (Imagine Dragons) [ But now you can't tell the false from the real. Who can you trust? When everything you touch turns to gold. ] // Just Like You (Three Days Grace) [ You thought you were standing beside me, you were only in my way. You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you. ] // Bad Blood (Bastille) [ All this bad blood here, won't you let it dry? It's been cold for years, won't you let it lie? ] // Middle Finger (Bohnes) [ But I refuse to let you make me feel like I can't fly. Not only will I soar again, I'll own the fucking sky. ] // American Beauty/American Psycho (Fall Out Boy) [ You take the full, full truth, then you pour some out, and you can kill me, kill me or let God sort 'em out. ] // Homecoming King (Andy Black) [ You're standing there with the homecoming king; turn the silver spoon into a diamond ring. Can he make you disappear without anyone noticing? Yeah, fuck the homecoming king ] // Monster (Imagine Dragons) [ I'm only a man with a candle to guide me, I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me. A monster, a monster, I've turned into a monster. ] // Animal I Have Become (Three Days Grace) [ Somebody help me through this nightmare I can't control myself. Somebody wake me from this nightmare, I can't escape this hell. ] // Gallows (The Score feat. Jamie N Commons) [ Been turning my back on the sun these days, trying to walk the line but I'm losing my way. ]

i'm sifting through the sand, looking for pieces of broken hourglass trying to get it all back but it back together | spring 2021:

continuing to take a good look at his mental health, a desire to improve, and an appreciation for his support circle. additional tws: sex/masturbation mention (All Time Low)

All Time Low (Jon Bellion) [ I've been trying to fix my pride but that shit's broken, that shit's broken. ] // Bishops Knife Trick (Fall Out Boy) [ These are the last blues we're ever gonna have, let's see how deep we get. The glow of the cities below lead us back to the places that we never should have left. ] // Demons (Imagine Dragons) [ They say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate; it's woven in my soul, I need to let you go. Your eyes, they shine so bright, I wanna save that light, I can't escape this now, unless you show me how. ] // I'll Be Good (Jaymes Young) [ I never meant to start a fire, I never meant to make you bleed. I'll be a better man today. ] // The Anchor (Bastille) [ You were the light that is blinding me. You're the anchor that I tie to my brain. 'Cause when it feels when I'm lost at sea, you're the song that I sing again and again. ] // Ungrateful Eyes (Jon Bellion) [ Still lost, still feel depressed like I'm try to find a way in. I'm trying to figure this out, but my God I'm so human. And so I turned to my sister and smiled and asked this question, “all we wanna know is where the stars came from, but do we ever stop to watch them shine?” ] // Rise Up (Imagine Dragons) [ The darkness right in front of me, oh, it's calling out, and I won't walk away. ] // Bless The Broken Road (Rascal Flatts) [ Every long lost dream led me to where you are, others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars, pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you. ]

[do-i-odair]

                              Kiss The Breath Out of Me

Prisoner-The Pretty Reckless

I'm a prisoner Won't you set me free I'm a prisoner Don't you tell on me                                                                        You can have my money Have me on my knees You can have my body But you can't have me No, you can't have me

Broken Girl-Matthew West

Look what he’s done to you It isn’t fair Your light was bright and new But he didn’t care He took the heart of a little girl And made it grow up too fast                                                         Now words like innocence Don’t mean a thing You hear the music play But you can’t sing Those pictures in your mind Keep you locked up inside your past

Lucy At The Gym-Jill Sobule

Lucy at the gym Lucy on the scale for the third time Through thick and thin, Lucy’s at the gym She’s staring at the clock and like the 2nd hand she never stops She’s Lucy at the gym                                                                 When she takes a shower, after all the hours Does she have a place to go Is there someone waiting Or is Lucy all alone

Til It Happens To You-Lady Gaga

You tell me it gets better, it gets better in time You say I’ll pull myself together, pull it together You’ll be fine Tell me what the hell do you know What do you know Tell me how the hell could you know How could you know'Til it happens to you, you don’t know How it feels How it feels 'Til it happens to you, you won’t know It won’t be real No it won’t be real Won’t know how it feelsYou tell me hold your head up Hold your head up and be strong 'Cause when you fall, you gotta get up You gotta get up and move on 

Starving For Attention-Geri Karlstrom

Bones are beautiful My drug of choice Striving for perfection And I’m driven to Run to you In the wrong direction How does that make you feel? Why can’t I make you see? Mom and Daddy look It’s your little girl Starving for attention Too much on my plate Things that I can’t face Starving for attention

You Don’t Know What It’s Like-Katelyn Tarver

I know you’ve got the best intentions Just trying to find the right words to say Promise I’ve already learned my lesson But right now, I wanna be not okay I’m so tired, sitting here waiting If I hear one more “Just be patient” It’s always gonna stay the same So let me just give up So let me just let go If this isn’t good for me Well, I don’t wanna know Let me just stop trying Let me just stop fighting I don’t want your good advice Or reasons why I’m alright

All I Do Is Win-DJ Khalid

All I do is win win win no matter what Got money on my mind I can never get enough And every time I step up in the buildin’ Everybody hands go up

Centuries-Fall Out Boy

Some legends are told Some turn to dust or to gold But you will remember me Remember me, for centuries

Crazy Bitch-Buckcherry

Hey You're a crazy bitch But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it When I dream, I'm doing you all night Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

For @gxrlsbiteback

Fuck Away The Pain-Divide The Day

Fake it like you love me, Come on baby touch me Show me where it hurts, this dirty little curse Don't have to be ashamed if you wanna scream my name While I fuck away the pain

For @gxrlsbiteback

Addicted-Saving Abel

I'm so addicted to all the things you do When you're rollin' round with me in between the sheets Oh the sounds you make, with every breath you take It's unlike anything, when you're lovin' me

For @gxrlsbiteback

Casual Sex-Darkest Days

You'll never meet my mom, Strings will never be attached, We'll always get along, 'Cause it doesn't have to last, And anytime I call you, you don't have to call me back, I'm never gonna fall, but I'm never hard to catch.She said she's cool with it, She's down with it, There's nothing wrong with it 'cause its easier this way, She's so cool with it, She's down with it, There's nothing wrong with it, Don't want it any other way. It's just your typical hardcore, casual sex, We're single, but we're lovers, crazy for each other, Just your typical hardcore, casual sex, We're wild under the covers crazy for each other.We don't have to go on dates, You don't have to like my friends, I won't get in your face when you're making other plans, If you're tired of the taste, We can try another blend, My heart will never break I'm just here to break a sweat.

For @gxrlsbiteback

Pray For You-Jaron and The Long Road To Love

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill I pray and flower pot falls from a window sill And knocks you in the head like I’d like to I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls I pray all your dreams never come true Just know wherever you are honey, I pray for you

If There’s A God In Heaven-Elton John

If there’s a God in heaven What’s he waiting for If He can’t hear the children Then he must see the war But it seems to me That he leads his lambs To the slaughter house And not the promised land

Lost Boy-Ruth B.

He sprinkled me in pixie dust and told me to believe Believe in him and believe in me Together we will fly away in a cloud of green To your beautiful destiny As we soared above the town that never loved me I realized I finally had a family Soon enough we reached Neverland Peacefully my feet hit the sand And ever since that day

My Body Is A Cage-Arcade Fire

My body is a cage that keeps me From dancing with the one I love But my mind holds the key