#'but what if the president dies' i havent given two shits about anything related to a president's health ever

[straight-into-the-animus]

this is literally hopefully the only time this gets seriously political (the side blog is another story)

noah fence but its very telling why you cant crit the queen in normal discussion but you can praise her

its the same shit ppl here in america do when a mass shooting happens

"We should talk about gun control"

"People just died >:( now is the time to mourn"

"Then when can we talk about it?"

"When we're done >:("

But its never done, because people want to push that shit off and not admit they support killing people as long as they have TheIr RiGHTs.

Thats what royalists are doing right now. Limits are put on what to say.

"dark jokes are okay!!" "Grow a thicker skin!!"

But apprently not when you're the ones who lost something

(And then ofc non-Americans say they're allowed to make fun of tragedies and laws like Roe v Wade and "ouR sChOOls ArEnt shoOTING rAnGeS" but god forbid someone even be indifferent or hostile towards the queen and the rest of the monarch family because "dont you have respect?")

Or even acting as if places influenced by the Monarchy arent allowed to be happy???? That they're wrong or owe the UK something??

So yeah. Now is your turn to grow a thick skin. Im not going to mourn anything other than the fact a person died, and that's where it ends. And if people are pointing out the colonialism of the queen and the imperialism of the royal family then take it on the chin, because everyone is going to have to pay their dues.

[gardenwitchofthenorth]

I Have :) A Broken :) Foot:)

a complaint by me, 

so im a witch and an empath and i own reptiles and cats and i love my garden and 

and my life has gone completely fucking of the rails.

let me start from the beginning (read on if you want to hear how depression just gets worse and how I’m so close to ending my life )

so the beginning

I would like the beginning to be when I quit school, but its way before that. why would I like it not to be? well I thought my life was pretty good then, but apparently the decisions I made then led me to be an injured dropout with little to no hope of surviving 

anyway, the beginning. 

honestly? it was after my sophomore year of college. something during that summer changed. I would say I dont know what it was but im done lying to myself (no matter how much it pains me to admit how much I royally fucked myself) 

I had recently been diagnosed with MDD (major depressive disorder) and made the first step to treatment (that wasnt just crying on my school counselors chair every thursday)

I went on medication. had a whole freak out over it. didnt want to be dependant on anything blah blah 

so I thought, “yay medication means no scary phonecalls with my insurance people and therapy places” 

Fuck me. Fuck 19 year old me. I should have gotten therapy like I was TOLD to do by every fucking person in my life. but I didnt. 

So I took my meds and then I didnt take my meds and then I did. And then I went back to school.

Summer had been hellish. so I thought the fall would be better. I was president of Alliance (my schools lgbtq organization) and I was an lgbtq student peer leader AND I was the secretary of SGA

Cool right?

no. I was not ready. because my dumb ass thought that my meds would work, I got a dorm room TO MYSELF (what the fuck was I thinking) and didnt seek the FREE counseling. 

so needless to say, My grades tanked. First semester of my junior year? failed. 

I didnt even make it to finals because in december, my fiance (who was four hours away) calls and tells me his brother died. 

so I go home, miss finals, fail my semester. 

Now I have a grieving family and funeral things to work with. I wasnt gonna go back. 

so what do I do? sign up for classes “just in case” 

and my financial aid comes in 

I shit you not, it was $2000

and guess what my empathetic ass did? 

I fuckin went back to school so I could give $800 of that refund to my fiance's mother.

which I do not regret by the way. Of all the shit thats happened in the last year, I do not regret becoming closer to her. she is an amazing woman 

So as this is all going on, I am also having an identity crisis. Now I already identify as Demisexual and Bisexual. But I was battling with being Polyamorous as well. 

so in order to get a handle on all of this before i go back, My two friends, Britney and Samma want me to stay at their place for the semester so they can help me because they know I’m struggling. They are also poly. thatll come in later

so I go back to school, unprepared and unorganized, terrified and depressed. 

long story short on this part: Britney and I start dating. 

I love her I love Samma and I love their kids. 

my fiance, however, is, you guessed it, monogamous 

he says hes cool with it and stupid me believes him and everything is okay for like, 3 months. 

by this point its like, march? i’ve given up on school and am just going to let myself get suspended.

because my depression has gone from bad to worse and I want to die. 

I hurt myself 

I wind up in the hospital for 6 days until I feel safe enough to go home. 

and things continue to be shitty. Britney is also Demisexual, but apparently, by like the end of april(?) i bypass her demi. 

and shit gets real.

britney wants to have sex with me. My fiance is not comfortable with it and neither am I  

my partners start getting at each other and samma becomes so depressed she cant function. i go home for a bit, (four hours away) and britney cheats on me. 

so I go back after a week and things are okayish(?) 

but then we wind up having all sorts of fights, and it gets really personal and things get out of hand. Britney and I break up I pack my stuff that I can and spend a week at my best friends house. I get checked out of my dorm (which I still had for some reason, anxiety mostly) and my fiance agrees to come get me in a week. 

(oh by the way my Best friend was also moving apartments at this time. I had to help her surrender her cat to the shleter. )

so things are super shitty and awful. Britney is in a word, toxic. I dont want to go into it but she likes to be the center of attention, which I am used to giving her. until she flips out on my best friend and her boyfriend causing them both to go into (ptsd and autism related) meltdowns. 

a few days later I’m bed ridden because I got the worst period of my life. like physically sick from it. 

and then, the day before im supposed to leave, I fall down the stairs and fracture my toe. so that was a whole ordeal.

my fiance comes to get me, and we drive home and I’m allowed to be miserable for a while.

my friend across the street makes me her maid of honor and my garden is blooming. havent heard from britney in about a week. I have an interview coming up. everything is finally settled down 

until I fall carrying my honorary nephew, fracturing a bone in my foot that cracked when I fell down the stairs. so that was a whole week long thing ending with me being in a cast. 

(my nephew was fine even after I nearly hugged him to death in apology)

so now, I’m a depressed piece of shit who cant do regular tasks around the house.

my interview must not have gone well because they didnt call me back. 

Britney and I had a phone call that didnt end well 

I very seriously thought about casting myself down the stairs yesterday while struggling with my crutches. 

for the past year my life has just been one bad thing after another. I just dont want to be alive any more, 

my daily routine has been waking up at 2pm, watching bojack horseman and playing stardew valley until my fiance gets home from work. 

I feel useless. I cant get a job. I cant help him with anything, and the things I can do are minuscule in comparison to what he can accomplish. I just want to lay down and die. 

but I cant, and I wont. 

I made some horrible decisions in the last year. I did this to myself. I have no one to blame but me. so I guess this is sort of a confession. 

I’m a useless piece of shit.