#'hey were you going to talk about 3L / LL' no :]

[erstwhilesparrow]

what's up it's time for me to have life series derangements again. you ever think about scott smajor? <- an entirely rhetorical question

a little while ago, i was like, "oh, it'd be fun to me if cleo in double life looks at martyn, looks at scott, realizes which of those two people is going to be more dedicated to helping them survive, and makes a decision that is both tactical and emotional, where even they can't be sure where the division between those two motivations is." and that IS fun, especially in light of martyn then teaming with scott in limited life, maybe because he's now seen what scott's like. however, actually, out of [cleo, scott], i think maybe i had the wrong guy! (relevant here: scott suggesting to cleo in secret life that the best thing to do once etho's on low enough health is to have him let her kill him to get extra hearts. cleo's pov saying, "i couldn't.")

the thing about scott that i think about sometimes is. at the double life finale. scott has the tnt that whole time. he's the one holding the flint and steel, he's the one who calls pearl to spawn, he's the one who gets his final word in and decides when and how they'll go out. "you deserve it more," he says to pearl, as if he doesn't know full well this will kill them both, as if he couldn't hand over the explosives to pearl and let her decide. there are ways to read this that are. deeply cruel. it's the same thing he did at the start, right? yanking the rug out from under pearl, making decisions about their relationship on his own and then forcing her to deal with it, knowing it's come down to just the two of them and snatching this last choice out of her hands too. there are, also, kinder ways to read this. by "you deserve this," he means pearl deserves the win, of course. she deserves to win the game, because it is a game and they are playing it, and after this much, she shouldn't have to figure out what to do about scott, too. he should just give it to her, make this as easy as possible.

i think... it's not even that scott loves throwing himself on other people's swords -- there are other people in the series for that type of thing. i think it's that scott has figured out that throwing himself on someone's sword is a useful thing to do, not just for his allies but for himself. oh, we can tell each other about his loyalty and trust and love and sacrifice, and he can tell that type of narrative too! but there's an element of business, or practicality, or calculation to a lot of it. i think the story that gets out and lingers IS more often about loyalty and trust and love and sacrifice and maybe that's there too, but telling someone, "oh, yeah, you can kill me for the time / hearts / victory, go for it," is also a way of shoring up alliances, of ensuring you stay in people's good books, of reminding people you can be trusted and relied upon. it's a death game, but it's also a social game! your reputation is a tool, and your life can be a bargaining chip. (relevant notes: he yells for martyn to kill him when he's the last yellow left in limited life. lets cleo knock him off the tower in limited life to get some time from him. in his secret life finale, once he gets down to fewer than ten hearts, he goes looking for gem, throws her all his good items and tells her she has to kill him. talks about deliberately saving / not saving the one gift heart per session for trade deals. he thinks this stuff through, when he can.)

this also, when you start putting focus on it, makes it really easy to read scott as just straightforwardly manipulative and cruel. i don't know how interested i am in that. i think it's important that watching scott, i find myself surprised a lot at how often he keeps promises, offers food, shares information. he is honest and generous when i think other people would not be. there are, as demonstrated by the other players, funnier or less complicated or more secretive ways to play the social side of the game. whether that just reinforces [scott is always on-purpose carving out a more positive reputation for himself] or adds more interesting dimensions in other ways, i don't really know either? but i feel like understanding him as purely sadistic flattens him somehow. he tells gem in his secret life finale he's going to stay loyal to his day-one alliance above all, no matter what, and even that is tied up in him trying to convince / remind gem that her loyalty should stay with scott and impulse, but i think it's often like this with scott.

it's cleo and martyn (and also scar, i'm pretty sure, but he's cleo's ally in limlife so.) specifically that he gives up time to -- he'd rather his allies get the time (in limlife) and health (in secret life) than anyone else. and it's not that it's not tactical -- even teaming up with cleo in double life, where he gives the justification to pearl that he and cleo already bonded: because they're not soulbound, they've got two health bars between them for pvp instead of one the way the other soulbound pairs do. but he also just. likes cleo! makes the choice over and over to stick with her. i think it's hard to separate out how much of any given choice scott makes is motivated by [this is a tactical / social advantage] from how much is motivated by [i like and care about this person] because those things blur together so often. certainly i can't separate those two, can't say, "oh, this time he was being calculating 100% and this time he was being much more emotions-first nice." i don't know that i want to be able to do that, and i don't know that scott can tell either? it's both of these things at once, and it works, so there's no real reason for him to try separating them.

my examples are from secret life because that's what i watched most recently, but scott loves to remind people how well he knows them and is startlingly good at knowing / guessing / pretending to know what other people are like. he gets a task where he has to get people to say 'i love you' back to him and at the end, he rattles off the list of people he knew would say it. he's halfway up a cliff and etho calls to him, asking him to come back down; after some back-and-forth, etho admits he was trying to stall so bdubs could get away, and scott replies, "i know you were." and like. i don't always believe him! he did fully climb back down the cliff to talk to etho. i'm sure some of the time when he says stuff like this it's true -- these are people he knows fairly well, of course you can predict some moves -- but i wonder how often he figures something out mid-conversation, goes, "oh, okay, this is what we're doing," and adjusts accordingly as if he knew all along. (relevant note: when boat boys start chasing pearl around after going red and scott gives up on trying to convince pearl to appease them, he switches to hurrying into the midcentury modern whateverthefuck and setting his spawn there so he's not running back from spawn to get his stuff when pearl dies.)

i wonder how much that contributes to the blurring motivations, the idea that scott himself doesn't necessarily go into these interactions really thinking about the tactical advantage all the time, but maybe he'll tell himself afterwards that that's what that was. i've been thinking about the limited life finale (when am i ever not thinking about the limited life finale) and the like million different ways i've thought about scott and martyn's motivations going into and coming out of that final betrayal ("betrayal"?), and how "i wouldn't have it any other way" is still something i like to come back to chew on sometimes. like, yeah, that's his closest ally, and he's already won before. that does in fact work out great for him. i think, maybe it's like that. oh, okay, this is what's happening, scott thinks. i knew it. this works out great for me, and i knew it all along.

[listener-symphony]

Sorry for being so inactive, I’m going to do another “randomly generating pairs of every single character” here just for some interactions, also I’m still not 100 on what to do with Real Life so we will just pretend it doesn’t exist until I have an idea I’m happy with and prepared to use.

——

SL!BigB: Hello Ren it’s me your soulmate!

DL!Ren: Hello! You’re not… my actual soulmate, but, technically you are..? It’s complicated.

Gem: I wonder what it would be like if I had a soulmate… Like, who would that be?

SL!BigB: It’s me.

DL!Ren: But you just said you were MY soulmate!

SL!BigB: I’m cheating on you

DL!Ren: NOT AGAIN 😭

—

3L!Ren: I’m jealous. I wish I was stuck to a giant werewolf.

DL!Scott: …No, you don’t. Pearl is a nightmare and she’s even more terrifying now that she’s bigger.

3L!Ren: But she’s so cool! Okay, maybe I’m not jealous of you, I just want to be her.

DL!Scott: You want me attached to you? I’m honored…

—

LimL!Pearl: So, your wife can talk now! How’s that been?

SL!Joel: Um, been pretty good honestly, not many ways for this to go wrong.

LimL!Pearl: Cool! Has she said anything about possessing anyone?

SL!Joel: what

—

SL!Martyn: 🚨‼️ASK FORCE COMING IN‼️🚨 I’ve noticed no one has asked you any questions?

DL!Grian: LEAVE ME ALOOOONNNEEE

—

SL!Mumbo: This tower is DEFINITELY bigger than Gem’s was, right?

SL!Pearl: Yeah, I’m sure, especially cuz we don’t have a model of Gem’s to compare it to.

SL!Mumbo: Hey, we don’t need one! It’s so indisputable!

—

LL!Cleo: You chopped a guy’s head off right? Was it fun?

3L!Martyn: …

LL!Cleo: Was it fun?

3L!Martyn: …

LL!Cleo: Sounds fun. Did you have fun?

3L!Martyn: …

LL!Cleo: You look like you had lots of fun doing that.

—

3L!Cleo: I just want to say, thanks for winning instead of Dogwarts.

3L!Grian: Oh, yeah, no problem… couldn’t let those guys win.

3L!Cleo: Yeah, not with the way they were acting. I don’t know what I would be doing with myself if the guys worshipping Ren actually won.

—

DL!Impulse: Hey, you’re married to Joel right?

LL!Grian: ? no?

DL!Impulse: Great, so I was wondering if you had any advice on being married to Joel..

LL!Grian: We’re not married.

DL!Impulse: It’s just been really difficult for me to figure out what to do with Joel, you know? So I’d like some tips from an expert..

LL!Grian: I’m not married to him why would I be the expert on being married to him

—

LL!Scar: Oh, why hello there! Welcome to my lovely magical wizard tower! It’s not often people visit, especially not by flying in through the window!

DL!Scar: Oh, I get complaints about doing this all the time around here, so I’m glad this tower is different! You said you don’t get a lot of visitors?

LL!Scar: No, I’ll be honest with you because you’re me from the future… I am extremely lonely.

DL!Scar: Ohhh, well that’s fine! Who cares, right?

LL!Scar: I care! I want friends! We finally don’t have to murder each other and I still hardly have any friends!

DL!Scar: You don’t need them! This amazing wizard tower is all you need!

LL!Scar: Well, thank you, but I’m not so sure…

—

DL!Cleo: I am very shocked and disturbed by the fact that you decided to make yourself responsible for some… rowdy kids.

LimL!Cleo: Bold of you to assume I chose the mom life.

—

LimL!Scar: Can you perform “I Killed Bdubs With A TNT Minecart”? Because the Impulse I know killed Bdubs with a TNT minecart.

SL!Impulse: Okay :D *starts playing the drums and improvising a song about killing Bdubs with a TNT minecart*

—

LL!Bdubs: I looove Etho

SL!Cleo: …Okay? Well I already knew you were the number one Etho fangirl.

LL!Bdubs: That’s true.

—

DL!Joel: BOO! 👻

3L!Jimmy: AAAAAAAHH!!! Oh my gosh dude you scared me!!

DL!Joel: BE SCARED BE SCARED BE SCARED

3L!Jimmy: AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

—

LimL!Scott: What’s that?

SL!Lizzie: [It’s a device that lets me talk]

LimL!Scott: Oh cool! I want a cool little device!!

SL!Lizzie: [Well not this one. You have a face.]

LimL!Scott: I dunno, saying two things at once would be pretty cool…

SL!Lizzie: [I can’t think of a single reason you’d ever want to do that]

—

DL!Jimmy: Tango 🥰 Rancher 🥰

SL!Tango: Oh my goodness. Hello??

—

LL!Etho: Hey Skizz.

LL!Skizz: Hi! Where’s the rest of team BEST?

LL!Etho: I think I saw Bdubs go to that human Cleo, and Tango’s talking to himself.

LL!Skizz: …Huh?

—

3L!Scar: Hello Scott, I was wondering if I could have those crystals?

LL!Scott: …I… don’t think so? Why do you want them?

3L!Scar: They look nice!

LL!Scott: I thought my Scar was supposed to be the crystal guy… well, you can try to take one, but they might be stuck around my head.

3L!Scar: Let’s find out! *tries to pull one of the crystals away, but it won’t move past a certain distance from Scott’s head*

LL!Scott: …Well, this is pretty entertaining.

—

LimL!Skizz: …I kind of miss being in just my underwear.

SL!Grian: I’M LEAVING

LimL!Skizz: WHAT?! NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO HEAR THAT!! NOOOO!!

—

LimL!Tango: Please don’t tell me you died really embarrassingly

LL!Tango: 😬 …

—

DL!Bdubs: WHAT THE…

LL!BigB: yo.

DL!Bdubs: I DIDN’T KNOW TERRY WAS IN TWO SEASONS…

—

LimL!Grian: I’m a bad boy

DL!Pearl: You better not mess with this place…

LimL!Grian: I WASN’T GOING TO!!! YOU ARE VERY SCARY, I WAS FRIENDS WITH PEARL!!

—

3L!Skizz: I’m sorry for killing you.

LL!Jimmy: ? I’m not the Jimmy you killed.

3L!Skizz: Oh I know, I just figured I’d apologize to all of you, cuz apparently I started something.

—

LL!Pearl: IF YOU WERE GASLIGHT, GATEKEEP, OR GIRLBOSS, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU BE?

LimL!Martyn: Gatekeep because I’m going to crush you if you get any closer.

LL!Pearl: BUT THAT’S SCOTT!!!

LimL!Martyn: No he’s Gillboss

—

LL!Ren: Dude I swear someone is singing songs about killing you

LimL!Bdubs: WHAT

—

SL!Jimmy: ARF ARF

3L!Etho: …hi?

SL!Jimmy: You gotta say it back, dude!

3L!Etho: Oh, uhh… do I have to?

SL!Jimmy: YES!!!

—

DL!BigB: yo I’m Terry

SL!Bdubs: WWHHHOOOO???

—

SL!Skizz: So, you love Jimmy?

DL!Tango: Yes he’s my Rancher 🥰

SL!Skizz: Aww, that’s sweet!!!! I hate him.

DL!Tango: 😨

—

LL!Impulse: For a CLOCK???

3L!Bdubs: Yeah! 😁

LL!Impulse: …… you know, that explains a lot.

—

LimL!Joel: Ew 🤢 Boat boys? 🤮 Disgusting 😒 Etho you suck 😡

DL!Etho: …what… happened between seasons…

—

DL!Martyn: Do you have fairy magic that could help me win over Cleo

LL!Lizzie: n- CLEO?????????? I DON’T THINK YOU WANT THAT…

DL!Martyn: But she’s my soulmate!

LL!Lizzie: I’m so sorry to hear that

—

SL!Etho: *bumps into 3L!Joel* Oh sorry! I wasn’t looking! Boat Boys!

3L!Joel: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

—

3L!Tango: You having fun up there?

3L!Impulse: What the?! Yes, yes I’m having lots of fun up here in exile.

3L!Tango: Okay, just checking.

—

LL!Martyn: Can you perform a song about winning Last Life? Because the Scott I knew won Last Life.

SL!Scott: Sure!

—

LL!Mumbo: Why didn’t you invite ME to team TIES?

LimL!Etho: …There’s a lot of very obvious answers to that question.

—

3L!BigB: Dude I think there’s a song about you killing Bdubs

LimL!Impulse: what

—

LimL!Jimmy: Flower Husbands 🤢 Hashtag Not Saying I Love You Back 😎

3L!Scott: Okay, rude!!!

—

LimL!BigB: Maybe I will go see what everyone’s up to

LL!Joel: hey 😁

LimL!BigB: Oh no. Okay I’ll see what everyone in the opposite direction is up to.

LL!Joel: oh come on!

[bellshazes]

Hey I hope this isn't too forward or anything but if you'd feel comfortable sharing I'd love to read your paper on inescapable cycles that you were talking about. It sounds really interesting and if there's any LL parallels that would be fun to think about as well haha

No pressure though, and good luck presenting it!

Ps: Really appreciate all the work you do for the deranged bdubs fans out here ^-^

omg not forward at all especially as this is a wonderfully strong bit of motivation to stop whining abt revising it and instead actually do it! this is a link to the paper, but I'm going to sum it up below to get to the bits that made me insane bc I was writing it more or less during LL:

although a lot of academic research on games focuses on games as a vector for modifying human behavior (e.g. gamification of habits via apps like Habitica), games in a world in which nothing changes and there is no escape from the existential weight of inevitable, inescapable cycles are cut off from the possibility of meaningfully changed behavior and instead represent explorations of understanding.

we can understand the degree of resonance between the content of a game (or theater/performance, as performance fits into Piaget's taxonomy of games and play) and its players/audience by thinking about the magic circle, which has a contentious history of meaning but boils down to the communal space in which play takes place, “not a perfect separation of a game from the rest of the world, but an imperfect separation that players negotiate and uphold.” some performances, such s the famous San Quentin Godot production render this transparent; there is a perceived unity of the context of the play and the real-life context of the performers/audience. (my paper goes on to argue that this, alongside shockingly good stats re:recidivism rates for participants of prison theater workshops, leads to a call to action to utilize freire's critical pedagogy to transform the world etc.) broadly I think the healing power of theater/games in a world devoid of hope specifically because they are collaborative acts of imagination can fulfill solnit's description of hope as "an axe you break down the door in an emergency with."

with regards to Last Life specifically, i think in the context of watcher lore and the general but not universal decision to keep 3L and LL totally separate, they are an interesting twist on my argument about games without time loops, where the character does not experience resets even if the player fails and has to restart a level countless times. the games-within-the-game during both seasons, most notably tango's lava trap and bet your life, are examples of games as power grabs, or at least attempts to destabilize power (lives others have) for the fun of it. partially due to who tango is a a person, presumably, but also because 3L/LL are games in the sense that they are a set of communal actions taking place within a magic circle (minecraft, but also the various web of relationships btwn players) and even have bonus things like "rules" and "mechanics," but they are also play in the sense of performance.

I've talked before about how much I love that bdubs is the most committed to upholding continuity across non-LL series, as well as him and Cleo making explicit references to and even decisions based on their partnership in 3L. etho & bdubs partner up because their relationship transcends individual cycles! that is their whole point! the mechanics of LL in particular try to enforce a narratively interesting break with the past but bdubs & his partners most of all follow the exact same futile pattern as didi & gogo in Waiting for Godot: they try to play other roles (playing pozzo & lucky vs. the various negotiations when bdubs is red), which ultimately cannot be sustained as the force of inevitable repeating cycles bears down on them (godot fails to arrive vs. the end of one season but promise of the next), despite the explicit affirmation of their lengthy friendship and devotion to each other (fifty years bit vs. he loves me/love ya). you could probably get a whole lot out of the way bdubs attempts to perform being red but fails pretty fucking badly every time, from the way he builds lava traps for "leverage" rather than uh the murder he's obliged to at least pretend to do or compulsively defending loyalties he's technically not allowed to reciprocate and dying as a result of them.

also, one of my favorite genres of movies is "what if you had a fucked up relationship with your best friend that slowly and then rapidly deteriorated into tragedy and maybe one of you dies or possibly worse" (mikey & nickey, the most movie of ALL TIME, oslo august 31st, girlfriends, the long goodbye 1973 and the original novel which is the most book of all time; also, I see a darkness by will oldham, tmg's alpha couple and more music). godot, in bruges, and.... ethubs fall into this category.