#(and this includes an intention to be kind and patient with the post I'm indirectly 'responding' to)

[kingofthewilderwest]

While it’s important to consider that abuse can be physical and/or emotional, I think it’s also good to remember:

A tense period with someone does not necessarily mean abuse

A friendship that’s turned sour or become emotionally draining does not necessarily mean abuse

A hella painful falling out does not necessarily mean abuse

Unkind or hateful words does not necessarily mean abuse

Interactions that directly cause someone pain does not necessarily mean abuse

I want to be clear: These can be part of an abusive experience. This is neither excusing nor downplaying bad actions. It’s important to know these can be red flags and indicators for abuse. Furthermore, a person’s intentions do not determine whether or not they’re an abuser.

My point is that a relationship with miscommunications, frustrations, sour moments, etc. is not necessarily abusive. I feel like lots of posts equate conflict with abuse, tensions with abuse, strained relations with abuse. It’s not that cut and dry. The bar isn’t set that low. Not all periods of pain and toxicity are abuse! They’re still unfun, they’re still bad, but abuse is a specific experience! It’s good to recognize strained periods happen even in the best relationships, and that there’s a difference between that and the cycle of abuse, the pattern of abuse, the impacts of abuse.

Relationship bad =/= abuse

Or, all abusive relationships are bad, but not all bad relationship experiences are abuse.

If you default to calling all uncomfortable interactions abuse, you’re going to miss opportunities of personal growth and you’re going to lack wisdom identifying how to handle these interactions.