#-- secure in the majority of situations. I have a pretty physical job and it didn't move around or anything.

[prettyblondguys]

Jockstraps work better for packers than packing straps. I will die on this hill.

[aureutr]

I've enjoyed your recent asks answering background on BT! The Han and Boba background was especially illuminating; to be honest, my major confusion and issue with BT was that Han and Boba's interactions had read fairly non-consensual to me over the entire course of the relationship. So, in the end where Luke forces him back to them, I was surprised he would be willing to stay (even if it was just for Luke), or that it would be considered any kind of happy ending for him. Your answer to the previous ask puts a much different spin on how I'd seen their relationship and interactions!

(I'm kind of glad, too, because I'd sort of assumed Han was stuck in a pretty tragic and bad situation for him there at the end. I'm glad this makes it seem more likely he can find some measure of happiness or satisfaction.)

I really appreciate this ask, anon, because it gives me a vehicle to talk about some stuff that bothers me about BT.

I am grateful for everyone who reads my work, and even moreso for those who leave comments! But a lot of the feedback I get about BT bums me out because it reminds me of how poorly I did my job, especially the ending.

Neither Han nor Boba are characters prone to introspection or sharing their feelings. Even when things are told from their POVs, you don't always get the full picture. Everything that was "good" about their relationship happened in the past, and neither is eager to share details. In retrospect I absolutely see why people think that Han gets a tragic end in BT. But I don't see it that way.

Boba in BT is a huge asshole. Easily the worst not-Vader character present. And he thinks of himself that way, too. He'd never admit he had any interest in a clan. In family. In a stable home and children and a mate.

But his actions speak otherwise. He doesn't have to hang around with Din. He didn't have to pay off Han's debt instead of turning him over to Jabba. But he chooses to do those things anyway. He wants the connection, he wants the clan. But admitting that he needs anything, especially as an Alpha, means he's weak (in his eyes). So he blusters and bites instead of admitting it.

Han is scared of Boba, sure, but part of that isn't about Boba so much as it is about himself. He's still attracted to him, and he's ashamed of that fact. He's spent his entire life running from his designation and fighting tooth and nail to take care of himself, thankyouverymuch. Sure, he'll work with Chewbacca and let him pick up the slack, but a Wookie is different. Chewie isn't in the a/b/o dynamic, it doesn't mean as much.

Letting anyone else in would mean something. Han is perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but he pushes too hard when he doesn't need to. He tries to make it through through heats alone, he tries to carry burdens, he refuses to share what he feels.

But he would still like to be taken care of, a little bit. He doesn't want to be forever tied down to a single place, but always having somewhere to come back to? Even if it's not a physical place but a family of sorts? Han yearns for that. And though it would take a lot of time, he won't be under house arrest forever in the end of BT. They let Luke wander, after all.

Speaking of Luke…

He might not get much Jedi training in BT (mostly he figures stuff out on his own or Leia shows him the basics when he returns), but if there's one thing Luke's good at it's empathy. As in, he's literally an empath. Someone can lie to themselves and others about what they feel, but he can feel the truth of it radiating off of them. He can't help it.

So, ultimately, Luke wants Han to give the Alphas as solid a chance as he gave Leia and Han when they asked. And he knows that Han would never consider it if asked. That's more of why he does what he does, than a completely personality change. He feels awful about it, but he had secured a full assurance from Din (at least) that they would help Han back to the Falon if that's what he wanted.

And Din, of any character in BT, is the most straightforward. He is very clear in what he wants and feels.

I won't say anyone is a particularly good person, it is still darkfic. But there was so much behind-the-scenes characterization that I wish I had found a way to make more obvious. I understand why people read the ending the way they do, but it's meant to be dark-soft. Han is asleep in the end not because he would throw a fit awake, but because he's comfortable, he feels safe. He feels safe enough to toss his legs over Boba's lap and hold a baby while he's asleep. Han will never be all about kids, but he's a good dad. Damn what the sequels imply.

Ultimately, there wasn't a way to spring Han being dragged back as any sort of surprise without doing it the way I did. And I'm still not sure how to communicate in the fic what I wrote above without having a character start monologuing about their feelings. Maybe Han could share more about his and Boba's past with Luke before they're captured, but I still don't feel that he would. It's a weakness I have as a writer, and perhaps one I will overcome in the future.

But yeah, every time someone mentions it, Borrowed Time gives me a weird mix of "sincerely touched that someone enjoyed it" and "oh god I fucked that one up so badly" 😅