#...at least she said Dorian sounded happy. does he know who I'm talking to? she asked. uh. no.

[clearalibi]

Day 2! Upped 1.1 to 1.5 mph which is absolutely null but I didnt want to overdo it because I have a habit of doing that sort of thing. Saw the Greek god again, he appeared to do pull ups right in front of me eee, I really think he might be from Greece...Mel said theres way hotter but our tastes seem to differ pretty vastly except for Gerry. Eh she agreed Sam V and Ren are "cute and alright but not my type" so I guess Imma give her the benefit of the doubt. Still a lil mad she said that about Barry tho. He called himself a model and a legend on hot ones, scoffing at the title of actor..I agree when he said he doesn't seem like one of them. Probably cause he's an Irish wolf god or something. Mel had the audacity to say something shitty about his eyes! Oh I wanted to say something mean about Benson soooo bad, I didnt, I should've called her a filthy casual that would've hit.

But! I am not being empathetic enough. (If only there was a Naturo like individual to help me.) There is prob a lil envy behind her support. Even though I was helping her dream big looking at Gerrys studio home combo and having other combos discussed. After I explained to her what kickstarter and patreon was, fuck i gotta keep her young is 10 years really that much of a difference??? she expressed she wants to do something, but shes like i dunno all I have is crystals. Why didn't I fucking ask her to film my shit? Why would I trust my ex's sis over my bestie? That bich dont know me and when I vaguely asked if she'd help me film something in time for VDAY she assumed it was for her bro. Yet she couldnt be upfront enough to say I misunderstood no, she had to ghost me and fucking gatekeep really?!?! Sorry that too many people fucking triggers me and you decided to adopt 7 fucking kids. Fuck you hoe. You and his ma shouldn't have given off fucking Lannister vibes the first time we met, weirded me tf out.

I thought of Cat because it was the obvious choice, I wanted quality, this could be my only chance. I'm gonna suggest this next weekend, get a feel for her, she might get super into it. Then maybe I can mute Ren and show her Animal Flow because rewatching things with different povs of what to focus on is fun idc.

Now that I know how Mel feels about Brits idfk how to feel about her to be real. But I also need to lose this complex feeling of I LOVE HIM WHY CANT YOU SEE WHAT I SEE that I have.

I have been trying to be civil with my mom despite the fact that she pimped me out 3 times but the ex was the only one to get some. She actually paid my crush to do yardwork I shit yall not. I'm glad he did a shitty job, I'm actually gonna give him kudos to that...and now that I think of it maybe he was where my aversion to blondes stems from.

I was telling the ex it would be soooo fun, if the closest we can get to the next Eminem also got famous for roasting a mother figure. I swear I have tried to be the bigger person, but this cunt is still turning my grandmother against me. FOR NO REASON!!! BECAUSE I WONT LIVE UNDER HER THUMB. BITCH I AM 31. GET A LIFE!!!!!

Seeing how she handles her spiders I now know if I had any doubt, that I'm only alive because my grandparents mostly raised me...to their credit I don't think they brainwashed me, I think they saw how problematic my ma and her bros turned out and reevaluated themselves.