#Bethany is with the wardens and while Hawke is glad she's alive she also know its not where Bethany wants to be and feels so guilty

[trickerys-domain]

I was tagged by @contrivedcoincidences6 to make my OCs this picrew!! Thank you for tagging me, I finally got it done lol!!!

Iseya Tabris: A headstrong and compassionate duelist/assassin rogue. Blunt, and sometimes vengeful, to those who show corruption, incompetence, or cross her; but endlessly kind to those in need. Absolutely did not want to get married, but always wore Nelaros's ring to honor his sacrifice and as a reminder (yes, I did full ass sacrifice a whole item spot for this in game the whole game). Iseya thought she would always sacrifice anything for her family and people, including her found family and her lover Alistair. She was prepared to die to stop the blight, and would have if not for Morrigan's offer.

*Hilariously I named my Warden years prior to the release of The Last Flight novel, but it really added a great element to her character.

Marian Hawke: A two-handy Reaver Purple Hawke who loves her family especially her sister. Even Gamlen grows on her after the death of her monther as she finally is worn down enough to see him better. Marian starts off as a confident sassy jokster who tries her best to make a new life, but as the years go on and she loses and lose and loses, her jokes become a coping mechanism. A mean streak also appears. By the end she's so tired and depressed that she doesn't even notice Anders pulling away from her. She spares and stands by him anyway because she needs this one thing to stay in her life.

*I just really like the default Hawke Names, I think they fit Hawke really well.

Shiren'ne Lavellen: A compassionate, kind, yet firm and decisive person, Shiren'ne prepared her whole life to become a worthy Keeper for her clan. Yet after she ends up with a new calling she takes it with stride, understanding her role in the world is now beyond just her people, but she always rebuffs being sent by Andraste and stands by her gods. Shiren'ne's favourite thing about the Inquisition was getting to know everyone and learn so much about other cultures and customs, and was always happy to share and demonstrate her Dalish culture (within reason). And although she had been so ready to be Keeper and she is Dalish to her core, after everything she knew she could never return and instead found a new quiet life with Cullen. Shiren'ne prefers slower ritual and practical magics and leans towards old nature and healing (I wish spirit healer had been a subclass), but is eager to learn about the fade, spirits, and the journey of ones soul after death, showing this by choosing vallaslin for Falon'Din.

*Took some research, but her name essentially means Voice of the Journey. She chose the name herself for her Valleslin ceremony as part of accepting and stepping into her role as First.

No pressure tag to @wolfwhisperertf, @the-nameless-nerd, and anyone else who wants to ❤️

[hollyand-writes]

One of the things that hurts me most about Bethany and Carver is how neither of them really get what they want out of life, regardless of which path they take in Dragon Age 2. 

And one of things I have noticed on my current Bethany playthrough after my many, many Carver playthroughs is how much more similar the Hawke twins are than I’ve seen talked about in fandom -- because, ultimately, their fears and worries come down to the same thing. It is easy to miss, though, because they express themselves so differently. 

In my playthrough, Bethany is not necessarily the cheerful “sunshine” and the optimistic “sweet little sister” I often see her depicted as. Carver is not necessarily the grumpy, sullen “middle child” type (although it’s never explicitly confirmed that he’s actually a middle child) I often see him depicted as, either. Bethany has her hard, frosty edges. Carver has his soft, caring ones. 

Both twins are foils for each other in many ways -- Bethany the mage, Carver the warrior; Bethany the one who openly talks about her feelings, Carver the one who doesn’t; Bethany the one who’s overtly religious/devout, while Carver is privately so; Bethany expresses through her words, Carver expresses through his actions; Bethany, who starts on high friendship with (and admiration of) Hawke while Carver... definitely doesn’t -- but their character arcs in DA2 and even many of their dialogues and reactions are the same. 

Note that when you go to Sundermount in Act 1, Flemeth’s advice to them is exactly the same, regardless of how opposite Bethany and Carver seem on the surface. 

“Regret is something I know well. Take care not to cling to it, to hold it so close that it poisons your soul.” 

Curious, no? Why does Flemeth have the same advice for them on regret, despite Bethany being the “sunny” one and Carver being the “sulky” one? 

In a Regency AU longfic of mine, I write Bethany as the sunny, cheerful twin, but with a bit of the snark she has in game. The narrative choice I made to deviate her character from canon was because her circumstances are so different: both Hawke twins are alive, for a start. Bethany, in my AU, has every reason to be happy: she isn’t a mage, she is nobility, she lives in a nice house and has nice dresses and goes to parties where she got to flirt with a handsome prince and lives the life that she canonically loved so much in stories she read growing up. 

The Bethany in-game is... not quite like that. The Bethany in-game is worried. She is constantly looking over her shoulder for templars. The Bethany in-game talks with animation and interest and longing about what their life might have been like if they got to be Amells and nobility -- no poverty, no hiding, no running, no make-shift dresses that Leandra learned to sew when she ran away with Malcolm -- but also with a twinge of regret that her life couldn’t be like that. That her life couldn’t ever be like her dreams, like the stories she loves. 

The Bethany in-game is, as Carver tells you in the Legacy DLC, a girl who wanted so badly to just be “normal”. No magic. No hiding. No looking over her shoulder all the time for fear that the templars might come. Bethany is canonically a virgin in Act 1 but not because she’s this innocent, virginal sweet-little-sister type -- but because she was forced to hide. She couldn’t get too close to anyone, couldn’t let them ever see the real her, because she was a mage -- and because who could she trust, other than her family, not to sell her out to the templars? World of Thedas 2 talks about how she “never did anything fun [and] stayed down in her house most of the time.” It’s likely she didn’t want to be like that, but that she felt forced to be like that. 

(Carver had more freedom in that respect -- able to moon after Peaches or even get busy with her behind Old Barlin’s barn without worrying that he might accidentally reveal himself as a mage. It’s a secret that is easier to keep when it’s not you that’s the mage. And yet, even then, both Hawke twins found ways to help their neighbours and community in Lothering -- we learn from Act 2 letters that Carver helped a neighbour trap rats in the cellar, while Bethany helped the neighbour weed.)

And then, just when Bethany comes so close to that ideal life that she always wanted and dreamed of -- just as Hawke is about to hit the jackpot and reclaim the Amell Estate, and end all her worries about being a poor apostate unprotected by money or title (for that’s what the whole Deep Roads Expedition is about: Carver even says they need money, influence, status, anything to get the templars off their backs) -- her dreams are denied, again. She either goes to the Wardens or gets taken to the Circle. 

As a Warden, Bethany is obviously harder, bitter. Her interactions with you have more bite, less affection, and her regrets about the life she is now forced to lead are obvious. But I argue that while she seems “happier” in the Circle, she is not necessarily so. She is just better at hiding it in her letter to you -- and focuses on the fact that at least she is no longer forced to hide anymore. Her meeting with you during the Qunari battle at the end of Act 2 as a Circle mage is anything other than sunny: she is even cold towards Hawke: 

Hawke: ‘It’s a Hawke family reunion!”  Bethany, bitterly: “What’s left of it.” 

Or even: 

Hawke: “I’m glad you’re safe.” Bethany: “The city is under attack. None of us are safe.” 

Or even her angry response about you getting involved in Orsino and Meredith’s argument at the end of Act 3. Even as a Circle mage, you can hear the bitterness in her voice -- and if she comes back and fights with you as a Warden, it is obvious (at least to me) that she is still struggling to make peace with her new life and how its cost her even more than she thought her status as a mage already cost you all. 

But, as far as Bethany is concerned, at least in the Circle, she is no longer forced to hide anymore. If she can’t join you in (what she perceives, perhaps with some hint of envy in her interactions with you in the DLCs, as) your fancy life as a noble up in Hightown, if she can’t be “normal”, then at least she can be “normal for a mage”. Fleeing is exhausting. Knowing you are the reason your family are always fleeing -- or at least, one of the reasons your family is fleeing -- probably brings on a lot of guilt, at best... or even regrets that you were born and caused them so much difficulty, at worst. 

Bethany spends most of the game worrying about herself, for obvious reasons. Carver, on the other hand, spends most of the game worrying about you. 

Carver’s bitterness and regrets are more obvious than Bethany’s. Carver was not the boy who wanted to be “normal”: like he tells you in Act 1, “I want to be someone.” In the Wardens, he finds his purpose, albeit at a great personal cost he often glosses over in conversation. In the Templars, he is “a man still uncertain of his choice” but if there is one thing that can be said in its favour, it was his choice, for once. Not his family’s. Not Hawke’s. After all, what else could he do, when you chose to leave him behind and Bartrand returns without you and you’re presumably dead? When Fereldan refugees cannot find employment in the city and Aveline denies his application to be a city guard (which I believe would have been the best choice for Carver, and it’s kind of bittersweet that he only gets to be one -- or rather, help them out -- during DA:I when he’s been a templar for so many years and is addicted to lyrium). 

His mother is in mourning during Act 1 and won’t work; his uncle gambles all his money away. The templars are the only option open to a man of someone of his skills and desperation, and he naively joins thinking he can help people like Bethany -- his dead mage twin sister over whom he obviously has regrets that she was the one who died and not him. 

Both twins have a resentful streak over their circumstances, although Carver’s resentment is more obvious than Bethany’s (although Bethany’s resentment definitely comes out on occasion, much more so as a Warden; Bethany is just better at hiding/suppressing hers). Bethany’s codex entry says that “she could never give up her resentment of being different and fear for what their future would hold”. Carver’s resentment, on the other hand, comes from how that “difference” affected him and your family, not to mention the pain it caused Bethany over not “being normal”. 

Basically, neither the Hawke twins got what they wanted out of this life. They are forced to make do with less-than-ideal circumstances that turn them even further away from their hopes and dreams, whichever path you choose for them. They make do, and they cope as best as they can, no matter how well or imperfectly they do it. And it gets me in the feels every time.