#Doesn’t seem like Aristotle is enjoying listening to their bickering

[heartofether]

Bonus Episode #5 - Cherry on Top TRANSCRIPT

[You can listen to the show wherever you get your podcasts, or go to our “Listen” page if you’re on desktop.]

VAL

Hey folks, Val here! So, by now you’ve probably figured out that this isn’t Episode 16 of The Heart of Ether. Due to some technical difficulties—and also just the fact that our schedules are all one collective dumpster fire—Episode 16 has been, unfortunately, delayed. It’s a big episode, and we didn’t want to rush it.

It will either be coming out next week, October 1st, aka when Halloween begins, or the week after. At the time of recording this, I’m aiming for October 1st, but we will see how it plays out. Thank you all so much for your patience, and if you’d like updates, you can follow us on Twitter and Tumblr @heartofether.

In the mean time, this one is actually a fluff episode, I’m not joking this time. Enjoy!

AUTOMATED VOICE

[SLIGHTLY SLOWED & PITCHED DOWN] Please state your message.

[THEME SONG PLAYS.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. CHERRY ON TOP DINER, EARLY EVENING.]

[THERE IS THE SOUND OF CLATTER, CHATTER AND 50’S ROCK MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND.]

AGENT MAY

Agent June, may I ask why you were so insistent on coming here?

AGENT JUNE

We’re supposed to be investigating the whole town, right? This diner seems to be pretty popular. Never know what might happen. [OVER-THE-TOP] Might see a monster pop out of the shadows! [HE LAUGHS.]

[A BEAT AS AGENT MAY ROLLS HIS EYES.]

AGENT MAY

They’re definitely playing up the whole 1950’s Americana theme.

AGENT JUNE

That’s kind of the point, yeah. No way in hell I’d survive living in the 50’s, but the retro aesthetic does have some charm to it, you know?

AGENT MAY

I suppose.

[THE WAITER IS HEARD WALKING OVER]

WAITER

Hey there! Can I get you folks started with anything to drink?

AGENT JUNE

One Cherry-On-The-Top Signature Float, please!

[TO AGENT MAY] Okay, May, hear me out: so, I heard this place has bomb cherry floats. I think they get their cherry cola from this special local place. You’ve gotta try it.

AGENT MAY

Thanks for the offer, but I don’t do ice cream floats. Hardly have time to eat as is, I don’t usually indulge in…dessert.

[A BEAT.]

AGENT JUNE

Well. That’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard.

WAITER

You could always get the Sweetheart Special and share it.

AGENT MAY

[FLUSTERED, STUTTERING] We’re not, uh—

[THEN, MUMBLING] I’ll have my own, thanks.

AGENT JUNE

[TO WAITER] Two cherry floats, please!

WAITER

Coming right up!

[THEY ARE HEARD WRITING THE ORDER DOWN BEFORE WALKING AWAY.]

AGENT MAY

Well, I hope you’re pleased with yourself.

AGENT JUNE

[SMUG] Worst case scenario, I get two floats, right?

AGENT MAY

Then I don’t want to hear it when you get sick later.

AGENT JUNE

Maybe if you simply allow yourself to enjoy a cold cherry delight, I won’t have to eat so much ice cream.

AGENT MAY

[HUFFING, THEN, CAVING, HESITANTLY AND ALMOST GUILTILY] I will admit, it doesn’t sound half bad.

AGENT JUNE

[GRINNING] That’s the spirit!

[AS THEY TALK, THE WAITER WALKS BACK OVER. GLASS CLATTERS AS THEY SET THE FLOATS ON THE TABLE.]

WAITER

Two Cherry-On-Tops.

AGENT JUNE

[SURPRISED] Oh, wow, that was fast. Say, how did you—?

WAITER

[CUTTING HIM OFF] Can I get you folks started with some food, or do you need a moment to decide?

AGENT MAY

We’ll just start with the floats for now. Thank you.

[THEY WALK AWAY. THERE’S A PAUSE.]

AGENT JUNE

So, I’ve been thinking.

AGENT MAY

That’s never a good sign.

AGENT JUNE

You haven’t even heard what I have to say yet!

AGENT MAY

[HE HUFFS] Alright. Spit it out.

AGENT JUNE

[EXCITED TO GET RIGHT INTO IT] So, one of our main missions while we’re here is to find the Heart, right?

AGENT MAY

[WARY] …right…

AGENT JUNE

Only, I think we’ve been going about it the wrong way. Because, I mean, we’ve been looking for it as if it’s some sort of landmark; As if we could just plug “123 Ether Street” into Google Maps and find out it’s x hours away if we take the highway. Look how far that’s gotten us, though.

AGENT MAY

Are you saying that you don’t think the Heart has a set location?

AGENT JUNE

What I’m saying is I don’t think we’re going to find it just by wandering around and hoping we get lucky! Like—okay, wait, let me borrow your float.

[AS AGENT MAY BEGINS TO SPEAK, JUNE IS ALREADY TAKING THE FLOAT. IT’S TOO LATE.]

AGENT MAY

Hey, give that back!

AGENT JUNE

Relax, I will! So, look at this glorious monstrosity of sugar and carbonation. What do you notice about it?

AGENT MAY

That it looks like a stomachache waiting to happen?

AGENT JUNE

The bare essentials, May. Tell me about the ingredients.

AGENT MAY

Um…it’s vanilla ice cream…

AGENT JUNE

[IN ANTICIPATION] Yes…

AGENT MAY

[CONT.] …with cherry cola and a sticky red syrup poured over it.

AGENT JUNE

Exactly!

AGENT MAY

Do the cherries on top factor into this equation?

AGENT JUNE

Mm, let’s call them the decorative flare of life and all its drama. They’re distractions from what really matters, though.

AGENT MAY

And what’s that?

AGENT JUNE

The ice cream! We’ve been swimming through this sea of soda for so long, looking for answers, and we’ve come up with jack.

[POINTING] We’re here right now: the thick, delectable foam on top. We need to go deeper, but how?

AGENT MAY

What are you suggesting, then?

AGENT JUNE

We have to get rid of all of the distractions. Get rid of the soda entirely and look at it as simply as possible. If we look at it for what it is instead of what we’ve made it out to be, then maybe we’ll realize how easy it’s been to find all along.

AGENT MAY

And how do we do that?

AGENT JUNE

We have to pour the soda out!

[THEN, HE GRABS THE FLOAT AND TURNS IT UPSIDE DOWN. IT SPILLS ACROSS THE TABLE IN A MAGNIFICENT SPLAT. MULTIPLE PATRONS GASP OR WINCE.]

PATRON

[MUMBLING, TO THE LEFT] Oh, god.

AGENT MAY

[SLOWLY] Now, June, I want you to look around and think about what you just did. Slowly.

[A PAUSE AS AGENT JUNE LOOKS AROUND.]

AGENT JUNE

[SUDDENLY SMALL, GUILTY] …I’m sorry?

AGENT MAY

[HE INHALES SHARPLY.] You had your own float! Why did you have to dump mine all over the table?

AGENT JUNE

It was a metaphor, dude! I just—got a bit too into it!

[AS THEY BICKER, THE WAITER WALKS BACK OVER.]

WAITER

Would you like me to make you another one?

AGENT MAY

Actually, I think I’m okay. We’ll take the bill now.

WAITER

No food, then?

AGENT MAY

[GRUMBLING] I had a late lunch.

WAITER

If you insist.

[THEY WALK AWAY. THERE’S A PAUSE.]

AGENT JUNE

[STILL GUILTY, BUT SINCERE] Do you wanna share mine?

AGENT MAY

I appreciate the gesture, but—

[HE STOPS HIMSELF, SIGHS, THEN, ALMOST SOFT, IN A WAY] You know what? That would be nice.

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

AUTOMATED VOICE

Today's quote is: “To be careful with people and with words was a rare and beautiful thing.”

Benjamin Alire Sáenz in Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, 2012.

[OUTRO MUSIC AND CREDITS PLAY.]