#HE CAN'T STAY IN KANSAS PERMANENTLY

[itsclydebitches]

Okay so Ted's gonna go back to Kansas because Henry misses him and he'll struggle significantly without his support system/the life he's built in Richmond, but he'll bury it because he's determined to be a Good Dad™ now.

However, thanks to an advance copy of Trent's love letter book and a heart-to-heart with Henry that includes a "You're a good dad" line as a callback to Ted's admission to Sharon that he wished he'd told his own dad that more, Ted will realize that he can't possibly be the best father OR the best version of himself if he's miserable. Cue life lessons learned from his own father. So they talk it out as a family and it's agreed that Ted will return to Richmond and Henry will split his time between Kansas and London, getting the best of both worlds and both parents.

Henry: Cool, now I can see more West Ham games! :D

Ted: Hmm. Yep. Should've seen that coming. How 'bout we keep that between us, yeah? No need for Uncle Beard to know.

[scintillyyy]

Tim drake for the headcanon ask game please

tim tim my beloved tim <3

Headcanon A:  realistic

the first time tim lost a tooth, the tooth fairy did accidentally forget to come. the second time tim lost a tooth, the tooth fairy gave him $500 and a playstation along with a very long letter of apology.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

the first time tim visits the farm, kon is so prepared to roast him over his inability to do basic farm chores and laugh at him when he gets attacked by a chicken. he's absolutely outraged when tim not only apparently already knows how to milk a cow, he also seems to be some sort of chicken whisperer--the little monsters always chase kon around, but they immediately take a shine to tim, who manages to picks one up without a care in the world. tim is extremely smug about this, and when kon asks him where he learned how to do this, tim just says with a smirk "oh, one of my boarding schools was big into doing everything organic and teaching kids personal responsibility, so we had an on-campus farm we took care of together. did i forget to mention that?"

(kon gets his due, though, when tim passes out from the heat while they're detasseling corn. he flew too close to the sun on the whole "oh, of course i can handle this" from his past experience with crop raising, not taking into account the 85 degree kansas weather in july)

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

the last time he spent together with both his parents was when they came home for about a month and a half for his 13th birthday. it was a great time at first--for tim's birthday they went to the museum, had dinner at their local favorite pizza place, and went out to get ice cream for dessert. jack and janet were even talking about wanting to reduce their traveling and think about where they'd pick to stay if they were to live more permanently in gotham--jack said that the mooney towers penthouse was the biggest, janet strongly preferred the idea of the downtown condo so they were within walkable distance of everything. tim didn't want to get his hopes up, but they were even looking at the local schools for a possible transfer, which they had never done before. they were happy for a few weeks, not fighting. but at the very end of july, jack got talked into buying a really ostentatious art piece as an investment (but was actually a massive waste of money) & janet was livid at what she felt was his reckless and irresponsible spending which set off another round of fighting, first over finances which then led into disagreements about the company. any plans to stay in gotham were off the table & they dropped tim off at boarding school come mid-august before they left yet again. his parents apologized for their fighting and said they'd be home for christmas. tim just said "sure, whatever" and slammed the door behind him.

tim felt bad, that night. no matter how mad he was, he should have told his parents he loved them before they left. he promised he would the next time they called. but the next time they called ended up being right as he was about to go leave to train with bruce for the weekend--and he ended up choosing to go train instead of take the call, figuring that training for robin was more important this time & there was always next time. his mom left a message saying she was sorry & that she loved him & maybe they could revisit the whole settling down in gotham more once they got home from this trip. next time never happened, the trip got extended and diverted to haiti. tim never forgave himself for missing his last chance to tell his mother he loved her. he shouldn't have counted on next time.

years later, when his dad calls, he knows he needs to say he loves his dad. he knows if he doesn't, he'll regret it forever, like he missed his chance with his mom. he still can't get the words out. he'll be able to tell his dad next time--because there has to be a next time.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

tim's always had a soft spot for vicki vale--he saved her along with bruce the night of his mother's funeral. he finds her attempts at unmasking him humorous more than anything. after she figures out bruce's secret & becomes batman inc's official reporter, tim keeps showing up in her window as red robin to pass along messages of what stories to report & to pass along any complaints bruce has about the articles she's already done. he grows to like her even more when she rolls her eyes and motherfucks bruce under her breath now that she's getting the whole bruce experience. he takes the opportunity to be a little shit by requesting her as a reporter for neon knights related things & she has to grit her teeth as he plays up the wide-eyed enthusiastic trust fund baby who is clearly teasing her. he always steals her ice cream, like a little shit.

[itsclydebitches]

Did I just saw with my own two eyes an episode, where Ted’s mother shows up and acts in this very disinterested “I am not interested in you and your achievements whatsoever, you are not even the main attraction of this trip and I’m going to tell you that in this indirect passive-aggressive way, but at the same time I AM here because I am displeased with you, now guess what’s wrong while I tell lies about you to your friends and colleagues. The lies that are kind of nice but also lies and it makes you feel uncomfortable and I do not care”.

And then Ted goes back to Kansas where he can’t have his career, his friends, but he will be in contact with Michelle (who dates their couple therapist, and that is something that makes Ted very uncomfortable) and mom???? Like? And Henry never asked him to return and in fact is not suffering at all. Henry is shown to be fine. He never has meltdowns when he leaves London, he doesn’t express any hurt feelings towards Ted. They seem to just have an unconventional arrangement and Henry misses Ted, but doesn’t feel neglected. It also seems like his mom just believes that Ted should be home with his son, an unassuming father who doesn’t have public panic attacks and causes her embarrassment??? Because the way she showed him the clippings from the papers?? Boy! I don’t know how else to interpret that tbh

Ted has just achieved one of the best moments in his career and his mom actively and purposefully poisoned that moment for him, this whole thing is being contrasted to Jamie’s mom, I just don’t believe that Ted is going to stay in Kansas. That can’t be.

Also I feel like the tedependance tinfoil hat is not a tinfoil hat at all because actually! Ted having suppressed a huge part about himself (bisexuality), and not being able to live his life because of his roots works really well here.

It's precisely readings like this that make me hope a permanent Kansas ending can't be possible and likewise believe that if that is our ending... Ted Lasso will have failed in a pretty significant way. Even just a few episodes ago I was fully on team, "I 100% don't want Ted to return to Kansas, but if he does I accept that this was an ending long in the making and just because I personally dislike it doesn't make it bad." Now though? They've introduced so much lately -- and emphasized so much else from past seasons, like Ted's rocky relationship with Michelle/Jake -- that I just can't read Kansas as a positive ending for Ted anymore. It's not just me and my preferences anymore, I don't think that ending fits the show, period. Is, in fact, a betrayal of everything Ted Lasso has argued for.

Ted's mom was a big part of that feeling this episode, as you've nicely laid out, anon. It's no coincidence that in an episode titled "Mom City," Ted's story with his mother does not run parallel to Jamie's (unfailingly supportive, knows him better than he knows himself, Jamie comes to her when he's ready, an act of agency that Dottie doesn't allow Ted), but rather closer to Jamie's dad. Which I don't mean as a way to say, "She's abusive!" but rather the more nuanced take that we end the episode on: You can forgive someone while still acknowledging that they've hurt you so badly. Ted, normally so polite with his "Oh boy"s and "Darn"s and "Shucks"s really says it all with a string of direct, angry, "Fuck you"s. That level of anger and disappointment will not be magically fixed with one dinner. By continually introducing Kansas-aligned characters that make Ted uncomfortable at best, uncharacteristically angry at worst, it HEAVILY sells the idea that the space itself is no longer healthy for him. He can slowly rebuild those relationships -- and arguably should -- but that's not the same thing as throwing himself back into their mix. Allowing Ted to stay in London with visits from his family is akin to Jamie remaining removed from his dad, but sending him a text on his own terms.

As for Henry, yeah. I've been arguing for ages that Henry does not act like someone who feels abandoned and the few arguments I've seen fans bring up aren't very persuasive to me. Basically, framing every normal child struggle as a result of Ted's distance. Henry being a short-term bully is not automatically some cry for attention tethered to an absent dad -- there's no evidence for that, especially when Henry uses Ted's own teachings to realize his mistake and apologize -- and him being sad with Beard is because he's finally seeing his dad and Ted is ignoring him. I'd be sad too if I hadn't seen someone in a while and they were spiraling instead of hanging with me. That doesn't mean I need them to drastically change their life to accommodate me in new ways. Henry as a character needs to be allowed to make mistakes without that automatically reflecting badly on what Ted has chosen for his own happiness and mental health. Anyway, yeah, Henry has consistently been shown to likewise be happy, well-adjusted, and fully engaged with Ted through visits/over Zoom, so this claim that Henry needs his dad in this way doesn't jive with three seasons of Henry flourishing through Ted's parenting this other way.

All of which means that, frankly, I think we should take Dottie's "Your son misses you" with a serious grain of salt. That's a damn broad statement because of COURSE Henry misses Ted and vice versa, but that basic reality of missing people in life when you're separated from them doesn't mean he misses him in the way that I think Dottie is implying: he's hurting to an extent that you need to fix in this specific way (moving back home). Beyond everything you've listed about how Dottie makes Ted uncomfortable, I think it's significant that she has Very Traditional Ideas about how this family should function. She couches it in a lot of humor and starts to demonstrate a bit more open-mindedness at the end of the episode, but we're still left with:

Telling all Ted's friends that he's done Amazing, Unique, Super Cool Things That are Objectively Impressive. To be clear, I found her interactions with the team as funny and surface-wholesome as we were supposed to, but I do think there was this underlying implication that Dottie is not as satisfied with Ted's choices as Ted himself is, so she 'accidentally' makes up stories that make him seem 'better' than he actually is. This is compounded by what you've pointed out, about how she only gives a cursory congratulations for this MONUMENTAL achievement. Compare that to Jamie's mom absolutely loosing her shit in support of him.

She brings the 'gift' of the clippings -- Ted should be GRATEFUL for this. Only a terrible son would be upset by a mother keeping track of his accomplishments! -- which not only include the headlines about the panic attacks, but she's situated them front and center, ensuring they're the first thing Ted sees. Combine that with her 'concerned' question about whether he's still getting panic attacks and you have this strong implication that Ted Is Bad For Showing Weakness. Men don't do that. The Lassos don't do that. They bury things in positivity, even the suicide of a father/husband. The fact that Ted immediately lies and says the panic attacks are gone says it all. He knows trying to explain this to her is a lost cause.

Speaking of mental health, are you really seeing that therapist? Oh, well, good for you, I guess. Me? No, no, no, I would never see one. I'm going to be suspicious of it to the point of implying that it's a flaw to need one. This is the one point where I cut Dottie a lot of slack because Ted himself went through the same arc of needing to accept the benefits of therapy, but we're nevertheless seeing where he (in part) got that biased perspective from.

There are a lot of throwaway lines that paint Dottie as a Good Traditional Mother, very much in contrast to Ted Lasso's queer, open-minded, gender roles-bending world. She continually reminds him that she is NOT having sex, it's those Australians. Why-ever would an older woman be having loud, enthusiastic sex? (Compare that to Rebecca nearly getting it on with the boat guy, a celebration of romance and sexuality for older women.) Dottie can't take the bed. That's not the polite thing to do. She needs to be coaxed into accepting even the simplest of care while, simultaneously, expecting Ted to offer it despite the inconvenience. (If I bring up the awful hostel I've been staying in you'll offer to let me crash here instead, right?). That's one of the big differences between Ted and his mother: Ted has a lot of trouble accepting help, but honestly doesn't expect anything in return for the intense kindness he doles out to others. In contrast, Dottie has trouble admitting that she's accepting help, she pretends to do the nice thing while waiting for someone to insist strongly enough that she do what she's wanted to do from the get-go, then she's off the hook because, well, they basically made her. Will Dottie go to a football game like Henry and Higgins and Rebecca and Keeley and Bex and all the other emotionally open characters, screaming for her son in the midst of chaotic action? Oh no. No, no, no, that's not for her. She'll just stay home and do the Proper Thing of making a home-cooked dinner for her little boy... while making him feel guilty about that by sending texts about how now she kinda does wish she was at the game. The conclusion to their moment of honesty and growth is Ted (a man, the child in the relationship) serving her (the woman, the mother) for once, which I think highlights how much of the Good Traditional Kansas Woman mask Dottie has learned to maintain.

All of which is to say that we've been introduced to a loving but incredibly flawed mother who puts a LOT of stock in old-school values and appearances. There's no way that this all doesn't extend to her views on Henry, her grandson. Right now, Dottie is not someone who can fully embrace Ted's nontraditional style of life (divorced, in therapy, taking some risks like drinking not-actually-drugged tea) or parenting (long-distance, "It takes a village"). She doesn't outright reject Ted's choices, but she does spend the entire episode being passive-aggressive, even manipulative at times, to make it very clear that she does not approve of all this. When she says, "Your son misses you" it reads as a very biased view of the situation, driven by the idea that no child could possibly be happy without that nuclear family living their white-picket fence life in the good old US-of-A. Ted needs to move back to Kansas not because of Henry, but because that's what Good Fathers Do. I don't think Dottie should be seen as a reliable source here for what Henry actually wants or needs. She certainly hasn't been a reliable source for Ted.

Which -- as said numerous times -- paints Kansas in an incredibly negative light. We haven't actually seen Ted in Kansas on the show, so our understanding of his relationship with that place is filtered through the people living there. Michelle, Jake, and Dottie are all emotional landmines that Ted still needs a lot of time to diffuse and Henry is written as perfectly content with their arrangement. If Ted permanently goes back to Kansas I'm really gonna be ????????????????????????????????? about it.

[itsclydebitches]

Building off your argument that Ted isn't going to go back to Kansas, he was constantly correcting his mother this episode with regards to British terms. Where before he was the outsider who didn't understand Britishisms, now he is the native who uses the terms instinctively to the point where he gets annoyed when they're used wrong. Sounds like he's acclimatized to England.

Yes!!! I was thinking that a couple weeks back too when Ted first uses "football" instinctively and then comments on how natural it's become. He's reached a point where he's both using that terminology as a matter of course ("Some of us have a football team to coach!") as well as teaching others (here's how the dials on the oven work). (Sidenote: I'm not sure what to do with Dottie's tea comment yet. Not even sure atm whether I read it as sincere or sarcastic, but regardless, I think it's a potentially useful detail next to Ted willingly drinking tea in "Sunflowers." That was another version of acclimation on his part.) Now, combine this verbal/dietary acclimation with our opening where every previously negative interaction Ted had with the community has been flipped to show that they now adore him -- seen most strikingly through the "wanker" guy and, throughout this season, the pub trio supporting him at training -- and if they do send Ted back to Kansas it's really going to read as that Mary Poppins situation of, "He arrives to brighten everyone else's lives and then leaves. Why do you care what he needs? He's just a narrative tool."

To further add to this I can't help but think about the long-term structure of Ted's life now that we know Beard's backstory. We're told that, like his time here in Richmond, Ted helped Beard, forgave him, gave him another chance, and ultimately gave him a life. If we look at Beard's situation as a microcosm of the whole show, it seems significant that Ted does not leave Beard behind. That was not a situation -- a situation we're worried about getting now -- where Ted played the part of emotional coach and then sent Beard on his way, far from him as he's no longer needed. Instead, we get the opposite. Beard becomes his best friend, a staple of his life, and continues to help Ted in turn. By waiting until the penultimate episode to reveal the roots of Beard's loyalty, the show has ensured that the focus is on their equal standing and how Beard has likewise benefited Ted over the years: helping him see that wanting to win isn't a bad thing, trying to provide support through his anxiety, recognizing Ted's tells and informing their new community of what to look for (Nate, during the divorce arc: "Is he okay?" Beard: "No!") Beard could have been a minor, flatter character who popped out of the woodwork just to say, "Ted Lasso changed my life for the better, extraordinarily so, and he is The Best Man anyone could ever meet" (which, frankly, would have made Ted a flatter character too) and then gone on his way, having succeeded in the narrative function of reminding the viewer that this is Ted's sole role in the story: coaching others to be their best selves while pushing his own needs aside.

Instead, Beard becomes the cornerstone of Ted's support system. Ted doesn't leave him behind, he permanently integrates him into his life.

What's a microcosm of this microcosm? Ted Lasso does the same thing with Trent. Does he go off into the writing world once Ted helps him realize what he truly wants in life, his story concluded, never to be seen again? To quote Beard, "No!" Trent comes back and, significantly, Ted doesn't pull any metaphorical Mary Poppins arguments along the lines of, "I'm done all I can for you. It's time for you to move on." He eagerly invites Trent into their Richmond circle when no one else will (I'm currently working on a meta of Trent's first scene of Season 3 because OH BOY IS THERE A LOT) and Trent stays, not simply writing his book but becoming a member of the family. Surely there's a pattern here: The people Ted helps don't leave him, but rather become core additions to his life that enrich his own outlook and understanding of himself.

I'm not saying I'm going to toss Ted Lasso in the bin if we get the Kansas ending, but I AM saying you all will have to suffer through a dissertation length meta on my blog about why that was a bad choice lol