#I CAN'T BELIEVE Y'ALL DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT THAT TYPO

[notveryglittery]

believe in holiday magic (which gets made)

summary: roman experiences a couple of firsts. words: 2,500 / ships: technically romantic prinxiety and qpr royality but it’s kind of lamp-y in general!  notes: prompt 12 from @sanderssidescelebrations: first snow! the title for this one comes from the holiday fireworks show at disneyland! (did i write myself into this one? duh ;3)

read on ao3 | @fandersfic-lamp @fandersfic-prinxiety @fandersfic-royality

“You’re telling me you’ve lived in California your entire life and you’ve never been to Disneyland?”

“For the last time, storm-cloud, yes. I live in NorCal! You know how big this state is, don’t you?”

“Aw, that’s okay! It just means that your first time will be with all of us!”

“It is fortuitous that Patton practically grew up here. Would you be our guide?”

“I’d! Be! Honored!”

Virgil smirked and rolled his eyes. Grabbing one of Roman’s hands, Virgil tugged him closer and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’m excited for you,” he said, “our favorite Prince, getting to step foot in Walt Disney’s original Magic Kingdom.”

Roman’s face went red, as it tended to when his last name was used as any sort of affectionate nickname. “I’ve seen plenty of videos,” he began, but Patton cut him off by flinging their arms around his neck.

“That is not the same!” Patton shouted and Roman flinched, given their closeness, and how loud their exclamation was in his ear. Patton pulled back, grinning. “Oh, I cannot wait for today. You are absolutely going to cry.”

Logan smiled at the trio fondly. “If we’re done causing a commotion in the parking lot?” He suggested, gesturing towards the line of shuttles waiting to pick up guests.

The group headed for the busses and after only a short wait, were on their way to Disneyland. Roman couldn’t believe this was happening. It was thanks to the internet that he’d found the friends sitting with him. He never imagined he’d meet them in real life nor did he think they’d ever make their way to California all at once so that they could go together to the Happiest Place on Earth. Sure, meeting Patton first was a given, since they lived closer than Virgil or Logan did, but Roman thought that’d be as lucky as he got. Yet, here he was, surrounded by some of the most important people in his life, on his way to a theme park centered around one of the most important things in his life.

While there may have been opportunities for Patton and Roman to go, the timing had never been right, or they realized it wouldn’t have been the same without Logan and Virgil. Still, it was a true blessing, having Patton so close. The four hour drive (with good traffic) couldn’t keep them apart and they’d met up on multiple occasions over the years. Roman knew they were soulmates, someway or somehow, and that even if everything came crashing down around him, he’d still have Patton. The same could have been said for Virgil or Logan, sure, but sometimes you just clicked better with certain people. And Patton was one of them.

“Ro,” Virgil whispered, pulling him from his thoughts, “we’re here.”

They clambered off the bus, giving the driver their thanks, and headed for bag check. Thankfully, Logan was the only one with a real backpack and Patton had a small purse with them, so it didn’t take too long. In fact, the lines to get in to the park were backed up into the esplanade, but given that it was the holiday season, this wasn’t a big surprise.

Patton bounced on their feet, too much energy trapped inside such a tiny body. “Okay, first things first! As soon as we’re in the park, we’ve got to add MaxPass to your tickets so we can get as many rides done as possible.”

“Just ours?” Logan interrupted.

Patton flashed their annual pass, beaming. “I’ve got the Signature pass! It’s what paid for parking! I also might have already dropped the extra seventy to add MaxPass for the year.”

“I swear,” Virgil said, “what kind of babysitter are you to be making so much bank?”

Patton winked and skipped away as the line moved forward. Roman shrugged when Virgil and Logan looked to him for an explanation.

“I’ve never got an answer out of them either.”

Thanks to a couple rounds of Heads Up on Patton’s phone, the wait went by quickly. Soon enough, the tickets were scanned, and they had officially stepped foot into Disneyland. To absolutely no one’s surprise, tears began welling up in Roman’s eyes.

“Oh, honey!” Patton cooed.

“Babe,” Virgil sighed, endeared. He swiped the tears from Roman’s cheeks, cradling his face in his hands. “You haven’t even seen the castle yet.”

Logan held up his camera. “I am ready for the moment, however, when it happens.”

Virgil and Patton both got a wicked sort of glint in their eyes. The moment passed quickly as Patton ushered them all along and towards a quiet corner so that they could focus. Once each ticket was added to the Disneyland app on Patton’s phone and MaxPass was purchased for them all (“I could’ve bought my own,” Virgil had groused), they eventually settled on lunch reservations at Carnation Café. It was a miracle, according to Patton, that they’d managed it given the time of year and just how last minute they’d done it.

Again, Patton led the way through Town Square, taking them into the nearest (and largest) shop. Unbeknownst to Roman, with Virgil’s help, Patton made sure that Roman couldn’t see down the end of Main Street U.S.A to where Sleeping Beauty castle sat.

“Shopping? Already?” Logan asked. “Would it not be easier to wait until tonight, so that we don’t have to carry the bags with us?”

“Not what we’re here for, Lo, but yes, that’s very smart of you!” Patton chirped, looking around for a cast member that wasn’t busy. “Wait here!”

Before the others could protest, Patton shot off like a rocket, disappearing as they rounded a fixture dedicated to ears. Roman, deciding to spend his time wisely, went looking through the options. There were sequins, fluff, character themes and, of course, the oh so popular rose gold.

“How do I pick just one?” Roman whined, nestling a pair of millennial pink colored ears on his head, and checking in the mirror to see how he looked.

“Don’t say it so loud,” Virgil teased, “or Patton’ll buy all of them for you.”

Eventually, Roman decided on the rainbow ears. By the time Patton returned, he’d purchased them and was tucking the tag underneath the headband so that it wasn’t sticking out.

“I got you some— Oh! I love them!” Patton gasped, fumbling with whatever they were holding so that they could take their phone out and snap a few quick pictures.

After that was done, Patton lead them all back outside to where the light was better. Logan was camera ready and Virgil had stepped aside so Roman could have all the attention.

“Close your eyes,” Patton requested to which Roman immediately did.

There was some fussing with his shirt before the hands pulled away. “Okay, look!”

Roman did so, glancing down to his chest. A bright orange button proclaiming “First Visit” was pinned just over his heart. His name was written on it in the most exquisite cursive. The shutter on Logan’s camera was clicking, no doubt capturing the flurry of emotions dancing across Roman’s face.

“Good?” Roman heard Virgil ask Logan before Patton was looping an arm around his and pulling him away.

“I need you to close your eyes one more time,” Patton said seriously, “and trust me to lead you down Main Street? I promise we won’t bump into anything or anyone!”

“I’d trust you with my life, sunshine, you know that,” Roman answered easily.

“Hush,” Patton giggled.

Walking down Main Street U.S.A without sights to accompany all the sounds wasn’t the experience Roman expected for his first trip. He could hear Virgil and Patton talking, though he wasn’t sure where Logan had gone. Along the way, a handful of people wished him a “happy first visit!” to which he enthusiastically thanked them in return.

They came to a stop, Patton letting go of his arm. “Alright, open your eyes in 3… 2… 1…!”

Roman opened his eyes. He gasped, hands flying to his mouth in surprise, as tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. Patton was squealing somewhere behind him and Roman was vaguely aware of Logan taking more photos but none of that mattered. Sleeping Beauty Castle, decked out in Christmas lights and icicles, was there before him, glittering in the morning sunlight. Virgil came from out of nowhere and threw his arms around Roman, hugging him from behind. He rested his chin on top of Roman’s head.

“Isn’t she gorgeous?”

Roman whimpered, wiping frantically at his eyes so that he could see the view in front of him without blurred vision. A few people were aww’ing around them. It took a couple more minutes for Roman to gain his composure, in which Logan never stopped being the photographer, capturing every second. Patton appeared, squeezing Roman in the tightest hug that they could.

“Not that I don’t wanna stay here and watch this forever,” they said, after a round of pictures had been taken by a PhotoPass cast member, “but we have so much to do.”

And so much they did.

From attractions to character meet and greets to stage shows. They rode the ups and downs of roller coasters, took trips to Neverland and Pleasure Island, boarded the happiest cruise that ever sailed (and suffered the ear worm for a solid hour after). They said hello to Mickey, and Rapunzel, and Peter Pan, and the Fairy Godmother. They watched storytelling at the Royal Theater with well enough timing to meet Belle and the Beast afterwards.

By the time their lunch reservations rolled around, they were famished. They shared fried pickles and potato soup as well as letting each other try the meals they ordered. Patton went through four cups of cinnamon-spiced hot chocolate. Their timing couldn't have been better; thanks to their table outside, they were able to watch the A Christmas Fantasy parade while they ate. 

After eating, it was back to business. The lines were dreadful but thanks to Patton insisting on MaxPass, they were able to make the best of their time with booking fast passes in advance. It was important to Patton that Roman tried all of the Disney classics — dole whips, Mickey pretzels with cheese, and churros were snacked on throughout the day. It was while wandering through the store at the exit of Star Tours that they learned something new about Roman.

“I’m just saying, there’s no way I could survive on Hoth,” Roman was telling Logan. “I’ve never seen snow in my life, you think I could live on that planet??”

“You’ve never what?!” An unfamiliar voice cut in.

They turned to find a cast member staring at them, eyes wide. Her name tag read Danielle from Tucson, AZ. Patton, having been distracted by the new merchandise they had for pets, spun around.

“What!!!” They screeched.

Danielle turned to Patton. “Please tell me you’re going to watch Castle Lighting?”

Patton was already nodding. “It was on the agenda but like, now I have to make sure we get the best spot!”

“Hold on, don’t move,” Danielle said, brushing by them and hurrying towards a door marked ‘Cast Members only.’

Virgil took Roman’s hand in his. “Magic’s being made for you, your highness. How’s it feel?”

Roman took Virgil’s cheeky tone as teasing and so when Danielle returned, pulling Patton aside, he wasn’t sure what to expect. Patton’s expression was brightening by each word, though, and Danielle seemed just as excited.

It looked like they were nearly done talking when another cast member approached Danielle and handed her a piece of paper.

“Okay, okay,” she said loudly, shooing Patton back towards their friends. “Have fun! Happy first visit, Roman!”

Roman blinked, a little confused, and waved goodbye.

“Next!” Patton exclaimed, dragging them all out of the store.

The others didn’t get an answer as to what had been done but Virgil certainly had an idea. Spending the next couple hours on the west side of the park, they checked Pirates of the Caribbean and Haunted Mansion Holiday off the list. They walked on Winnie the Pooh and then went twice more because the line was so short and because it was Patton’s favorite. Towards the end of the night, they stopped again by It’s a Small World to appreciate it all lit up. They got dinner in Frontierland, people watching and allowing themselves time to rest after such a busy day. It was nearing six when Patton insisted they all head back towards the castle.

The castle looked even more beautiful in the dark, with the lights turned on. Roman had been about to ask if they could just take a few minutes to enjoy the sight but Patton was gone, disappearing into the crowd. Roman had no time to panic as Virgil patted his head and pointed to where Patton was talking with a cast member in a red vest. After a few minutes, in which Logan took to snap some pictures of the castle, Patton waved them over.

“Okay, so, remember the girl that helped us in Tomorrowland earlier? Danielle?” Patton asked.

The three nodded.

“Here’s the magic she made for us!” Patton exclaimed. They gestured towards a roped off area with benches all facing the castle. It was half full but seemed delightfully empty compared to the rest of the craziness surrounding the Walt and Mickey statue. Thanking the cast member that Patton had spoke to, they all got cozy on a bench near the front. Patton vanished for a bit and returned with cups of hot cocoa for all of them. Roman couldn’t have imagined this trip going nearly as smoothly without them and he made sure to say as much.

“Aw, kiddo!” Patton gushed. “This is the most fun I’ve ever had. I’m so glad I could be here with y’all!” They tugged the other two in for a group hug.

“Look! Look at the sky! Do you think it could snow?”

Roman startled at the voice, looking up. Another followed and soon a conversation began between the two. It sounded like a child and their mother. Patton was bouncing in their seat, seeming unable to sit still. Virgil had Roman’s hand in his again and Logan must have been on his third memory card by now, Roman swore—

Suddenly, singing begun, and the castle — of which they had a perfectly centered view of — began to light up, in tune to the music. If Roman thought it had looked pretty before, it was truly stunning now.

“Oh!” Patton gasped, though surely they had seen this many times before. “Ro! Look!”

Roman, despite how badly he didn’t want to tear his gaze away from the castle, looked to where Patton was pointing. It…

“Oh my god,” Roman whispered.

It was snowing. In Southern California. Admittedly, it was Disney’s version of snow and no act of Mother Nature. Roman was pretty sure snow didn’t normally smell like… gingerbread? The miracle went on as the castle continued to light up. Roman could feel the tears streaking down his face but he didn’t care. He was surrounded by his family and there was no place he’d rather be celebrating the holidays.

[itsclydebitches]

Here's a quandary I've suddenly found myself in: where do you stand on writers deleting their own works, fanfiction or otherwise? I've had this happen to me on more than one occasion - I go to look for an old favorite and find it's since been deleted from whatever site I read it on.

On the one hand, I'm inclined to think that, "Sure. The author wrote it, it's their call. I don't own the work - I certainly didn't pay for it. It's their decision, even if it's disappointing."

But at the same time I can't help but consider the alternative - if I believe in death of the author (and I do), that an author's work fundamentally isn't solely theirs once it's been published, posted, etc., then it also seems wrong to have a work deleted. Stories aren't the sole property of their creator, after all.

But then I circle back. D'you think there are different obligations between authors and readers and the works being made in fandom space? I know if I had bought a book and the author decided they wanted it back, I would feel pretty comfortable telling them no, given I'd paid for it and whatnot. But that's a different world from fanfic and fandom space generally.

So. You're insightful Clyde, I'm curious as to what you'll have to say here (and to all y'all thinking about it, don't flame me. I haven't decided where I stand here yet - haven't heard a good nail-in-the-coffin argument for or against yet).

Val are you a mind reader now? I’ve been thinking about this exact conundrum the last few days!

(And yeah, as a general disclaimer: no flaming. Not allowed. Any asks of the sort will be deleted on sight and with great satisfaction.)

Honestly, I’m not sure there is a “nail-in-the-coffin argument” for this, just because—as you lay out—there are really good points for keeping works around and really good points for allowing authors to have control over their work, especially when fanworks have no payment/legal obligations attached. In mainstream entertainment, your stories reflect a collaborative effort (publisher, editor, cover artists, etc.) so even if it were possible to delete the physical books out of everyone’s home and library (and we're ignoring the censorship angle for the moment), that’s no longer solely the author’s call, even if they have done the lion’s share of the creative work. Though fanworks can also, obviously, be collaborative, they’re usually not collaborative in the same way (more “This fic idea came about from discord conversations, a couple tumblr posts, and that one headcanon on reddit”) and they certainly don’t have the same monetary, legal, and professional strings attached. I wrote this fic as a hobby in my free time. Don’t I have the right to delete it like I also have the right to tear apart the blankets I knit?

Well yes… but also no? I personally view fanworks as akin to gifts—the academic term for our communities is literally “gift economy”—so if we view it like that, suddenly that discomfort with getting rid of works is more pronounced. If I not only knit a blanket, but then gift it to a friend, it would indeed feel outside of my rights to randomly knock on their door one day and go, “I actually decided I hate that? Please give it back so I can tear it to shreds, thanks :)” That’s so rude! And any real friend would try to talk me out of it, explaining both why they love the blanket and, even if it’s not technically the best in terms of craftsmanship, it holds significant emotional value to them. Save it for that reason alone, at least. Fanworks carry that same meaning—“I don’t care if it’s full of typos, super cliché, and using some outdated, uncomfortable tropes. This story meant so much to me as a teenager and I’ll always love it”—but the difference in medium and relationships means it’s easier to ignore all that. I’m not going up to someone’s house and asking face-to-face to destroy something I gave them (which is awkward as hell. That alone deters us), I’m just pressing a button on my computer. I’m not asking this of a personal friend that is involved in my IRL experiences, I’m (mostly) doing this to online peers I know little, if anything, about. It’s easy to distance ourselves from both the impact of our creative work and the act of getting rid of it while online. On the flip-side though, it’s also easier to demean that work and forget that the author is a real person who put a lot of effort into this creation. If someone didn’t like my knitted blanket I gave them as a gift, they’re unlikely to tell me that. They recognize that it’s impolite and that the act of creating something for them is more important than the construction’s craftsmanship. For fanworks though, with everyone spread around the world and using made up identities, people have fewer filters, happily tearing authors to shreds in the comments, sending anon hate, and the like. The fact that we’re both prefacing this conversation with, “Please don’t flame” emphasizes that. So if I wrote a fic with some iffy tropes, “cringy” dialogue, numerous typos, whatever and enough people decided to drag me for it… I don’t know whether I’d resist the urge to just delete the fic, hopefully ending those interactions. There’s a reason why we’re constantly reminding others to express when they enjoy someone else’s work: the ratio of praise to criticism in fandom (or simply praise to seeming indifference because there was no public reaction at all), is horribly skewed.

So I personally can’t blame anyone for deleting. I’d like to hope that more people realize the importance of keeping fanworks around, that everything you put out there is loved by someone… but I’m well aware that the reality is far more complicated. It’s hard to keep that in mind. It’s hard to keep something around that you personally no longer like. Harder still to keep up a work you might be harassed over, that someone IRL discovered, that you’re disgusted with because you didn’t know better back then… there are lots of reasons why people delete and I ultimately can’t fault them for that. I think the reasons why people delete stem more from problems in fandom culture at large—trolling, legal issues, lack of positive feedback, cancel culture, etc.—than anything the author has or has not personally done, and since such work is meant to be a part of an enjoyable hobby… I can’t rightly tell anyone to shoulder those problems, problems they can’t solve themselves, just for the sake of mine or others’ enjoyment. The reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because I was discussing Attack on Titan and how much I dislike the source material now, resulting in a very uncomfortable relationship with the fics I wrote a few years back. I’ve personally decided to keep them up and that’s largely because some have received fantastic feedback and I’m aware of how it will hurt those still in the fandom if I take them down. So if a positive experience is the cornerstone of me keeping fics up, I can only assume that negative experiences would likewise been the cornerstone of taking them down. And if getting rid of that fic helps your mental health, or solves a bullying problem, or just makes you happier… that, to me, is always more important than the fic itself.

But, of course, it’s still devastating for everyone who loses the work, which is why my compromise-y answer is to embrace options like AO3’s phenomenal orphaning policy. That’s a fantastic middle ground between saving fanworks and allowing authors to distances themselves from them. I’ve also gotten a lot more proactive about saving the works I want to have around in the future. Regardless of whether we agree with deleting works or not, the reality is we do live in a world where it happens, so best to take action on our own to save what we want to keep around. Though I respect an author’s right to delete, I also respect the reader’s right to maintain access to the work, once published, in whatever way they can. That's probably my real answer here: authors have their rights, but readers have their rights too, so if you decide to publish in the first place, be aware that these rights might, at some point, clash. I download all my favorite fics to Calibre and, when I’m earning more money (lol) I hope to print and bind many for my personal library. I’m also willing to re-share fic if others are looking for them, in order to celebrate the author’s work even if they no longer want anything to do with it. Not fanfiction in this case, but one of my fondest memories was being really into Phantom of the Opera as a kid and wanting, oh so desperately, to read Susan Kay’s Phantom. Problem was, it was out of print at the time, not available at my library, and this was before the age of popping online and finding a used copy. For all intents and purposes, based on my personal situation, this was a case of a book just disappearing from the world. So when an old fandom mom on the message boards I frequented offered to type her copy up chapter by chapter and share it with me, you can only imagine how overjoyed I was. Idk what her own situation was that something like scanning wouldn’t work, but the point is she spent months helping a fandom kid she barely knew simply because a story had resonated with her and she wanted to share it. That shit is powerful!

So if someone wants to delete—if that’s something they need right now—I believe that is, ultimately, their decision… but please try your hardest to remember that the art you put out into the world is having an impact and people will absolutely miss it when it’s gone. Often to the point of doing everything they can to put it back out into the world even if you decide to take it out. Hold onto that feeling. The love you have for your favorite fic, fanart, meta, whatever it is? Someone else has that for your work too. I guarantee it.

So take things down as needed, but for the love of everything keep copies for yourself. You may very well want to give it back to the world someday.

[rogue-barnes-16]

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF NATASHA ROMANOFF (part I/?)

Summary: after the too convenient disappearance of Natasha Romanoff, the Avengers —a local biker gang— search for help in the most unexpected place in order to get their friend back.

Pairing: biker!Bucky Barnes x reader

Genre: unclassified (biker gang au)

Tags:

The mysterious disappearance of Natasha Romanoff: @shirukitsune

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @1a-girl-has-no-name1 @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language

A/N: consider this a sneak peek of a series I'm planning on writing when I finish one of the ongoing ones. The title is long af so I might change it. Also, sorry for the typos but y'all probably know that I'm a mess

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

BUCKY'S P. O. V.

A sigh escaped my lips as my leg furiously bounced against the pavement of the parking lot "she ain't gonna help"

"we gotta give it a try" Steve whispered, ogling at the tall skyscraper's entrance, which was illuminated with fancy lanterns that matched the aesthetic of the building itself. "you never know. Plus-"

"I shouldn't have come." I mumbled with a light distress showing up in my voice "the moment she sees me she'll turn around and leave"

"she won't" my bestfriend answered, determined.

"Steve-"

"If we tell her it's not for you-"

"Still-"

The sound of the not so far building's gate opening, was enough to cut me midsentence. And... there she went.

"can't you just cancel it? Tomorrow I-- no Wanda- gosh, he's tiring. Just tell him... yeah" she made her way to her car, unaware of our presence besides it yet, probably due to the poor lighting.

So much money, and yet the wealthy company couldn't improve the goddamn streetlights of its own parking lot.

"Friday? Geez no-- No. Period. Just-" her walking slowed down the moment she saw us. "you know what? Friday it's okay. Goodnight Wan." even before hanging up, she was already glaring at me. "James."

"Y/n" I replied, just because I didn't know what else I could say.

She inhaled before speaking again. "you got some balls." her eyes flashed briefly to Steve. "what the fuck are you two doing here?"

"we need help" I stated, quieter that I would have liked.

She huffed " 'course you do." relocating her bag. "look for help somewhere else." her eyes digged into mines, throwing daggers at me.

And, God, did it hurt. "told you" I grunted in low voice to Steve, already turning around to leave. "She's not helping."

I felt a grip on my arm, stopping me from stalking away. "Y/n, this is not about him"

"I don't give a single fuck." she hissed, walking to her car to open it. "you promised to stay away from me, and you're not doing a good job"

"it's Natasha" Steve blurted out before she could get in the vehicle.

Y/n froze at the mention of her.

"what 'bout her?" she tried to sound careless and cool, but I noticed the switch in her body language.

"she... Disappeared" the blond man spoke, putting emphasis on the last word.

Y/n frowned, her eyes going from me, to Steve, and back to me. "Go to the police"

"you know we can't" this time it was my turn to answer. "You're the only one who can help us, you know that. If you weren't, I wouldn't be here." I stated solemnly. "I keep my promises, you know that."

There was a moment of silence, in which she glared at me with hate in her eyes that masked the pain, I knew, was there. "actually, no, James. I can't recall a single time when you kept your promise, so I don't." and I knew she meant every word. "you got plenty of friends, go look for their help and leave me the fuck alone."

SHUT!

We stood there while she drove away, and I would have been lying if I said I was shocked she left.

I spared a glance at Steve, who was running his fingers through his hair, visibly distressed. "what te fuck do we do now?"

It was only after Steve spoke, that it dawned on me we had no other option to have a chance of getting Natasha back.

"we gotta look for someone else"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Old folders displayed everywhere, empty boxes of Chinese food that Sam bought covered the coffee table, and we all needed a shower.

"we should call Tony" Clint spoke distractedly.

"No we shouldn't" Steve rushed to reply while he tidied up some of the papers. "he's retired"

"Natasha dissappeared, Stevie" Clint's reminder didn't exactly help the moral of the group.

Steve sighed, pinching his nose before shaking his head. "Pepper would kill me." after looking at us for a second, he kept speaking in a hesitant tone "I'll call him if plan A fails"

"plan A?" I questioned, raising and eyebrow. "Plan A failed when Natasha dissappeared" I stated.

"well, then when plan B-"

"Y/n was plan B" Sam yawned, slowly sitting up in the tiny couch where he had fallen asleep "which would have worked if you had listened to Bucky" Sam yawned again, right before stirring "taking him with you, when we needed Y/n, was like- the stupidest idea you had in a while."

Steve took a deep breath before letting out a comeback that would probably cause a fight. "who else we got?"

"No one." Clint almost growled more than spoke.

Out of everyone, he was the most affected by far. Natasha and Clint had grown up together, and the fact that we barely could trust our close friends to get her back was exhausting as well as frustrating.

"think I'm just gonna take a shower" Barton informed us in a mumble before leaving his seat to walk out of the room.

"there's someone" Rhodey's voice made all of us redirect our eyes to the door connecting my kitchen to my living room. "Danvers"

Sam shook his head no "We have no way of contacting her"

Rhodey sighed, exhausted, throwing himself in the chair Clint had just left. "I can contact Rambeau. She'll know where Danvers is"

"She ain't gonna help" It was my turn to contribute with some bad news, not that new, of which none of them were aware. "she knows 'bout what happened with Y/n."

Silence was the answer I got.

Rhodes scoffed "Good to know, James." I kept my eyes trained in my hands, not wanting to face anyone in the room. "Really good to know about this tiny detail after- what? A year?"

Another scoff and more silence.

"let me go through it again" Sam rubbed his temples with closed eyes. "Nat dissappeared, we probably have a mole, and the two people we could use help for" I felt his eyes on me "they won't help." no one spoke. "we're fucked."

We all drowned in our thoughts for a while.

Clint, at some point, had come back. Someone told him we had run out of options, which made him leave. He didn't come back, and I figured he probably fell asleep in my room.

Sun was rising, and, in need of a break, I got up. I really could use some air.

In no time I was standing on my ramshackle balcony, leaned over the railing with both my forearms supporting me.

Sam, who had probably came after me, exited and, after installing himself besides me, he spoke "it's not your fault"

"cut the bullshit"

"okay, it is"

"No shit Sherlock"

He sighed "but not entirely, so don't beat--"

"If she dies" I whispered, my gaze lost on the horizon "it's on me. Like- it's actually on me"

"she's not gonna die" Sam dismissed me quicker than he would have liked. "She's smart, and she's only been missing for around a day and a half "

"Listen, no one said it out loud but we gotta consider it." I blurted out, turning around to face my friend. "if they took her, they'll interrogate her. Do you really think she'll give in?"

"I didn't say that"

"then you know she can end up in a ditch"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "don't say any of this shit in front of Clint"

"I'm not stupid"

He let out a sarcastic chuckle, shaking his head. "yeah, of course you're not." Sam tilted his head slightly towards me without looking. "remind me again why Y/n ditched you."

"Fuck off Wilson." my voice was low, full of anger and frustration and sadness; bottled up emotions that I carried with me since Y/n left.

Bottled up emotions that came to torture me for what I did whenever I heard her name.

We saw a car.

Sam was the first one to point it out.

Not the fact that a car was driving towards a single property in the middle nowhere, hidden with the help of the trees in the woods.

No, Sam was pointing out what car it was.

"it's... Her car?" He sounded incredulous, hesitant, and even suspicious, but I couldn't blame him.

"it is." I confirmed.

And, even though I was sure it was her car, I couldn't believe it until, after parking in front of the house, she climbed off.

She made her way to the porch's stairs. "I'll... Go and tell the others." Sam informed me. "Open the door"

I sighed and slowly made my way downstairs and to the front door just in time to hear the knocks.

I grabbed the knob, but before spinning it, I froze.

I froze because I shouldn't be me opening the door, it shouldn't be me the first person she sees, the first person she made contact with. I shouldn't be me welcoming her, even if it was my home, because I didn't deserve-

"Open the fucking door, James."

And I did, though the movement was way too eager for my liking.

But it was too eager because it was Y/n requesting me to do it, as if she wanted to see me.

I had complied and now we were standing in front of one another. My first thought was to step aside, since I thought she would try to walk past me as soon as possible, but she didn't.

She stood there, looking at me.

"Thought you said no" even though it was quiet, almost a mumble, it was definitely not a great sentence to begin a conversation in such a delicate situation.

Surprisingly, her voice sounded way warmer than I was expecting when she replied to my unfortunate comment. "I made up my mind" thankfully, she kept talking, because I had no idea what to answer. "Nat's my friend too. I'll help."