#I also have a LOT to say about how Clow/Eriol either lied to Yuuko or lied to Sakura but that's a rant for another day

[the-musical-cc]

 OK so you know how we fans kinda sorta accepted as canon that Clow and Yuuko were steady, probably canoodling left and right behind the scenes and all that jazz?

I think we were wrong.

In the xxxHoLic Kei CD drama (The one that’s basically Yuuko telling Watanuki about some of the events in the Book of Mokona.) Clow says:  ‘However, this is the very first time the both of us spend so much time together.’ There’s something kinda weird when referring to two people who are in first-name basis and who tease each other so familiarly, so I’m not COMPLETELY sure of what it means, but we have Clow admitting they haven’t really spent much time together before. It doesn’t really negate any feelings they might have had for each other, but it does make it seem like they weren’t formal, so to say. I keep thinking about how in X/1999 Sorata upon meeting Arashi like once or twice decides she’s the woman he’s going to give his life for- it’s not that it’s exactly love at first sight, but it comes close.

This one comes with a grain of salt (Because while Yuuko doesn’t straight up lie, she tends to be cryptic about things- specially when it’s something the listener will understand in time.) but when Watanuki first asks her about knowing Clow she says ‘We were in the same line of business and we’ve known each other for a long time’ in a way that sounds like she’s talking about someone she had to suffer but wasn’t specially close to. A lot of fans (Myself included) interpreted this at some point as Yuuko just being kinda tsundere, because she refers to him in terms that make it seem she’s more than ‘Acquainted’ to him and gets annoyed at Watanuki’s pointing out that it sounds like they’re ‘Relations’. However, on revision, I don’t think she’s just doing that to be aloof. There was some real distance between them despite everything, for reasons we don’t really know- as for Watanuki’s comment irritating her, I feel like this might be more Watanuki hearing her call someone a creep and being like ‘Huh, sounds like someone I know.’ and making her annoyed by the comparison, which kind of lines more with how their interactions were that early on.

Going back to the CD drama, Yuuko tells Watanuki that Clow ‘Left his recipes and notes unwritten and left important things unsaid.’

There’s also Fei Wang’s words as he dissappears at the end of Tsubasa, where he says that along to her revival being the sole reason for his existance, delivering a message to her is part of what he must do. 

There is a part I recall also with Mokona (Though I can’t remember the exact chapter) saying the words ‘You can’t leave, you don’t know how much you mean to me’ and the panel cutting to a flashback of Clow. I used to think that was Mokona remembering him, but is it possible that was Clow’s sentiment when he subconsciously wished Yuuko back to life? 

What I’m getting at is I don’t think Clow ever actually told Yuuko he loved her. And it was part of why his wish for her to open her eyes was so strong.

If they hadn’t spent that much time together and he hadn’t actually told her he loved her, is it impossible that they were simply in love but not together? And then after shit hit the fan, they couldn’t be together anymore.