#I can't even fantasize about politicians being murdered anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

femininominon · 7 months

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there is the agony of living in America (contributing to its global acts of cruelty simply by living and working and feeding and clothing yourself) and the agony of living in America today when it has become so clear that even if every politician making these choices on my behalf were killed, it would make no difference and they would be swiftly replaced by their ideological twin

#I can't even fantasize about politicians being murdered anymore #there was always an oh well! maybe someone will just assassinate them #you guys can ignore me but #I'm just. really fucking sad right now #sobbing in my parents kitchen while my mom made me ramen #and she kept asking oh what's wrong #are your friends upset? did something happen at work?#no. nothing has happened to me. but yes. everything is wrong #every day I go to work and ask “having a good day?” while I'm scanning their items.#or the more tragic “any fun plans this week?”#and. I know I probably seem the same #and I don't know what they look like when they go home and take their masks off #but I just.#I don't get how they seem so unconcerned #“oh sure let me buy this Israeli feta. no flags popping up in the back of my head!”#I just don't get it #I'm so tired #I don't think I remember what it was like to not be depressed #but there's a difference between depression and despair #and this is despair #I need to learn to be angry #I can choose to be sad and turn the switch and be cheerful at work #but I think if I let myself be angry I won't be able to do what I need to to maintain my own life #as if I'm doing anything a normal person would consider maintaining my own life and well-being #but I go to work #and I collect my checks #and that's all I can really ask of myself right now

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