#I can't look at the word berry without thinking of ✨him✨

[hermit-ratings]

If the rulers in empires smp were soup who would be the best soup?

EMPIRE SMP RULERS AS SOUP:

A/N: I love everything about this ask, I love absolutely every image that came to mind when I read this, listening to mama Mia for the 5th hour straight did not help me. You've given me too much creative freedom, anon. Scott Smajor if you see this.......no you don't ❤️ and yes I took this so seriously..I'm invested in this fake review.

Scott:

9/10, this man as a soup would either taste like the most divine and exotic ice cold soup from the Gods above, laced with Ichor and the purest Gold, or like a 5 year old dumped glitter glue in a bowl and added five entire packs of sprinkles and topped it off with a single blueberry on top.

Would I eat it? Yes to both. Edibility of soup does not scare me.

+9 points for creativity and color

-1 point for the glitter glue drying...hard soup is not good soup

Jimmy:

2/10, he wouldn't even be soup.. it'd just be green homemade slime in a bowl with some raw fish in the middle.....it's not soup, it's also not actually food, apart from the raw fish.

would I eat this? Yes! if only for the nice experience...or trauma! we're gonna find out! I'll keep you guys updated.

+2 points because I DO like slime....and it's green :]

-8 because it's not in fact soup, it's slime..then again I don't think any of these people are soup matieral.

Gem:

8/10, Gem would be good soup! has berries and some distantly exotic meat from unknown origins, then sprinkle some herbs and shiny rocks and you've got yourself the entirety of the cottagecore aesthetic in a bowl! Sparkly? yes! worth the digestion problems? probably!

would I eat this? Yes, if only because it would probably bump up my net worth with all those crystals.

+8 points for the aesthetic and the fact it'd probably look like the presttiest soup ever.

-2 for the fact it has fruit in there...warm fruit? awful!

Joey:

5/10, I don't know this dude very well aside from funny empires compilations...he's definitely got relationship issues with that demon dude. Him as soup? a mess! both sweet and salty, maybe some weird void black specks in there...what are they? hell if I know!

Would I eat this soup? Maybe...if Joey's willing to pay for my hospital visit afterward and a possible exorcism.

+5 points for risk of possibly making a contract with a handsome demon, can't blame Joey for being down bad.

-5 points for the therapy needed.

Katherine:

7/10, I know 0 about this girl but I love women so I'm baised and going off the ✨vibes✨.

Mushrooms and probably moss...yanno not the worst combo out there, probably in a wooden bowl and Wooden spoon. Average and plain, neutral if you will!

wood I eat it? Yes! but absolutely not with a wooden spoon, it makes my skin crawl at the thought of wooden utensils in my mouth. Moss? also sounds tasty.

+7 points for being eco friendly!

-3 points for the absolute pain that's a wooden spoon in the mouth, I can write an essay about how that texture makes me cry tears of anguish and fear, even the thought alone makes me weep in pain and wither like a worm in the harsh hot pavement of summer of '95.

Lizzie:

9/10, seafood soup sounds delicious! however I don't think seashells are supposed to be there...or coral..or glitter. I can also see Lizzie just being flat our a fish on a plate, obviously the superior soup...fish.

Would I eat it? yes to both! I've got teeth, I can handle some crunching.

+9 points for my basis for my neverending love of seafood

-1 point for the seashells, not an enjoyable trip to the breakroom.

MythicalSausage:

10/10, here he is! finally some good soup! normal soup! soup that you can possibly ask to be made in a restaurant without being filed for some crime against the cooking gods. Very meaty.. obviously. Thick soup with big chunks of sausage....also from unknown origins, maybe some mushrooms and a sprinkle of veggie..

Would I eat it? absolutely! though maybe slowly, id rather not choke on any meat......I should have worded that better...will I? nope! I will die upon the grave I, myself, dug.

+9 for normal soup. life is good, all is well.

-1 for the sausage is very much in the soup, however it is not Mythical, false advertising.

Pearl:

7/10, I feel pearl Would be something that resembles those shiny bathbombs. they look edible. very shiny and smooth soup, kinda like when there's an oil spill in a puddle or something, and the water gets all colorful and reflective. that's soup! sprinkle in some flowers and weird magical berries and you have Pearl as soup!

would I eat this? yes!!! it sounds like a potion, looks like a potion, and it will probably give me permanent weakness to every body part forever!

+7 points for effective potion making and making me feel like I'm Hogwarts about to accidentally create a major plot point.

-3 for the fact I can no longer feel my bones.

Pixlriff:

8/10, copper dad....melted copper, and some veggies in there. overall it sounds nice, copper coins are funky tasting, this is probably no different (I don't condone coin eating. I know being a vending machine sounds cool, but it's not worth it...)

would I eat it? yes! copper shiny, me like shiny, shiny thing in my MOUTH right this instant.

+8 for appealing to my primal instincts to shove any shiny thing down my throat like that one Penguin of Madagascar clip. yanno the one.

-2 for the choking hazard and the fact the copper will eventually turn greeny-blue and that's not a vibe.

Shubble:

3/10, she would be those red and white mushroom soup and those are big bads to eat plus some weird gnome things..rocks and..uh, I don't know anything about gnomes.

would I eat this? yes!!! though Miss.Shubble better pay for my funeral, I'm not eating that soup for nothing, you're all invited for FREE :] !

+3 because I like mushrooms and also the banger rave party after I'd eat this.

-10, I spent half an hour trying to read her empires Wiki page and I was wondering why it was so hard until I realised i forgot to wear our glasses.

Joel:

4/10, I feel Joel as soup Would be the definition of MALICIOUS COMPLIANCE. it's soup but also somewhat also not exactly soup, but still under the soup guidelines.....Soup made with water, sticks, entire raw pototoes, salt and clay. TECHNICALLY soup ingredients, but also its horrible enough in taste that you're not sure if it is soup or should even count as food.

would I eat this? Yes, with great hesitation....but I will. God has failed to nerf me yet.

+4 points for soup ingredients and Malicious compliance

-6 for being on thin ice with what it means to be Soup.

Fwhip:

6/10, Dr.Doomf vibes from his wiki...evil? evil shop? evil soup. Made of evil things like...Evil bacon and very evil tiny carrots and evil potatoes....

would I eat this? Yes...in my evil house on my evil chair with an evil spoon.

+6 points for the vibes and because it would taste like (evil) soup and I like me some free villain arc juice.

-4...evil soup is suspicious. why is it evil? what does it do? Scientists hate him.

Xornoth:

1/10, I feel like it would just be solid sentient tarr In a bowl. Awful! not edible, put him in a jar and shake him like a maraca for his crimes. Time out for naughty demons.

would I eat this? if he tested my paitent, I would not hesitate to eat this slime demon like I'm a hungry street urchin.

+1 point for reminding me of Venom somehow.

-9 for literally everything else. Not soup, not even a friend, but a fiend and Thot enemy of the state.