#I chose to 'unfollow' because... the other one is so torn apart. Hurting himself for my mistakes

[fish-and-forbear]

Thinking of First Friends.

I don't entirely understand why the other one hurts himself so much for MY sake.

I don't understand why he cannot put this grief to rest. I am happy! I would rather focus on the good things. I am so glad that I met my first friends. I am so happy to see THEM happy! I made them laugh! We laughed and we cried and we healed and we bonded over beautiful things. And they helped me remember my family, and remind me of what I really need from life to be happy.

And it was fun and wild and strange and messy. Worse things have happened with much less happy memories made along the way. :)

It was beautiful and strange and sad, as most fighters' stories go. I just wish he would stop hurting himself for "letting" me make one or two mistakes. For spiraling and being confused and making a fool of myself.

If our friendship was as truthful as I thought it was, then we all handled it alright. He, my other one, is so terrified that my mere name brings pain to those I still care about... I dearly hope not. I was just beginning to like this name, ha ha. :)

I wish I could soothe this body's heart. I wish it would beat softer and not be so shaken by things that were not his fault. A new quest for me to undertake. It is so easy to help strangers when most of all I need to help the one that got me here.

We will get there!

For now, we rest. We say goodbye to our momentary families and we take a crossroads elsewhere. Our paths diverge and that is alright. Like... finding kindred souls in the darkness. We bond around the fire, we eat, we drink, we comfort and laugh and cry and hold hands, rough calloused hands in broken tired hands. And we leave with our burdens just a tiny bit lighter.

I was afraid of being forgotten, but what does it matter? I would rather be forgotten then only remembered for my mistakes.

I don't think it matters either way. I have my closure. It's been fun and that's enough for me. I just hope the other one realizes that soon. I hate to feel him reliving tragedy because of something I did... I don't understand everything but I do recognize spirals and being unable to let go. But it's all in the past. We are here, myself and my new companions in this body, together. We are not alone anymore. We're going to be okay. We just need to trust ourselves, and the friends we make, however brief. :)

- Grist