#I get 'miss'ed and 'ma'am'ed and 'she'd at my job during the week and while I don't expect little kids to understand what nonbinary is | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theimpossiblescheme · 2 years

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I’ve been watching various LARPers on YouTube and seeing all of the effort they put into their costumes and characters, and... I know this is not an original thought at all, but I keep coming back to the idea of Gender As Costume for myself. Like, yes please, let me be a man or a woman or a goddamn deer monster with fucked up antlers for a day, and then let me take it all off and go back to being an amorphous genderless blob at the end of the day. Do Not Perceive Me unless I have crafted this elaborate persona specifically for the purpose of being perceived in a certain way. There is no Amie--Amie does not exist. There is no stage door where you get to see me out of costume. There is only the character I’m playing that day.

#This is what happens at the intersection between Former Theater Kid and Nonbinary Adult With Dysphoria That Likes To Sneak Up You. :P #Of course the barrier to this--as always--is that We Live In A Society where actually being perceived how you want to be is just...#so ridiculously goddamn expensive. I do not have the energy for surgery or a new wardrobe or anything besides a binder #and I hate looking in the mirror every morning and thinking '... Well now I gotta go be this person all day long.'#I get 'miss'ed and 'ma'am'ed and 'she'd at my job during the week and while I don't expect little kids to understand what nonbinary is #I do at least expect the *adults* to get it or at least *pretend* they get it... but they don't so I have to go along with it.#If it's going to be a performance anyway I would like to be able to perform on my own terms for once.#But as long as I *look* the way I do and dress the way I do... it feels like that's never going to happen. And it sucks.#All this came about because I'm working at a haunted house this evening and I'm just like... can I just already have arrived in costume?#Do I have to show up As Myself? Do I have to go *anywhere* As Myself? Myself is boring--let me be a weird demonic goat man.#*Anyway*...#gender things #the schemer speaks

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