#I hate yelling anyway. it’s like trying to pop a balloon on purpose

[yakultberry]

✪ summary: it's no surprise that doyoung spoils you on your birthday, but somehow, he still takes your breath away. ✪ pairing: law student!doyoung x reader ✪ genre(s): fluff, college au ✪ word count: 1.5k words

✪ a/n: another birthday fic i wrote, this time for my queen @secndlife !! love you, karol 💖 or should i say horanghae ADJFLAJSDLJF anyway, this is just a little snippet of a college au that we sometimes indulge ourselves with hehehe enjoy!

“You have something on your lips, baby.”

You look across the small cafe table at your boyfriend, a small smile spreading on your icing-covered lips. “Well, maybe you should help me clean it up. It’s my birthday after all.”

Doyoung, used to your antics, just rolls his eyes as he grabs a napkin and reaches over to wipe at your mouth. “Ah, so you’re doing this on purpose,” he says with a raised eyebrow, his tone stern. But you don’t miss the subtle way his lips curl up at the corners or the way his eyes instantly soften when they meet yours.

“Maybe,” you hum playfully. Not quite satisfied with his reaction, you press on. “I thought you might have kissed it off, though. It’s more romantic, you know.”

He lets out a huff, scrunching his nose at you. “Oh, so now you’re teasing me!” Even after dating for over a year, Doyoung still can’t help feeling flustered whenever you bat your lashes at him (though he definitely exaggerates his reactions just to see you giggle like you are now). Again, he fails to hide the small smile on his own face. “Just eat the rest of your cake, we have to go soon!”

“Fine, I guess the kisses can wait until later,” you say through your laughter, only to double down when Doyoung lets out another exasperated sound. To everyone else, Doyoung is a put-together, intelligent pre-law student, expertly juggling his studies, vice president duties at the fraternity, and his personal life (that’s you). Those who know Doyoung less, might call him uptight, maybe even overbearing-- it is a common misconception of pre-law majors after all.

To you though, you know that underneath his cool, type A exterior, there is a soft, nurturing side to your boyfriend. As hard as he tried to keep up his facade, the boy never really stood a chance against you; and now, all his love simply flows out through each of his actions, constantly enveloping you in a warmth you’ve never felt before. Still, you can’t help but poke fun at him at times, loving the blush that would creep on his cheeks whenever he tried too hard to hide his affection for you.

“Should I let them know that we’re on our way back now?” you ask as Doyoung finishes up paying the bill.

“Wait no, don’t!”

Just as you pick up your phone, Doyoung places a hand over yours, his eyes wide. Your own narrow at him slowly. “...Why not?” When your dear boyfriend tries to only respond with a smile that more resembles a grimace, it is suddenly your turn to be stern. “Baby.”

“Well, I might have told Johnny and Lily that this was going to be a surprise party. Yuta and Daisy, too.”

You blink. “Doyoung, you do know that to throw a surprise party, the person has to be, you know, surprised. Also, you know I hate surprises!”

“Well yes, that’s why I told you that we’re having a party,” Doyoung explains. He takes your hand in his as you exit the cafe, simply walking up the street to get to your apartment. “I just thought it would be funny to tell Johnny and Lily that they had to go to the apartment early to decorate it before you arrive or something.”

“Oh my god.” The both of you meet eyes with mutual shit-eating grins. For the past summer, the two of you had been persistently trying to set up your two friends to confess their (very obvious) feelings for each other. As the months go on, one of your forms of entertainment has been creating situations where they could be alone. “How long have they been there for?”

“Maybe two hours?”

“Nooo, that’s probably the longest yet!” you cackle heartily, squeezing his hand in yours out of habit. “Oh god, this is why I love you.”

“I know, I know, I’m a genius,” Doyoung sing-songs, chuckling beside you.

“Wait, but if we walk in and find them making out on the couch, I will lowkey fight you,” you deadpan, only half joking. As much as you wanted the two to finally get together, you did not want to see them sucking face in your home. Where you live.

“You promise?”

“Shut up!” Your laughter echoes against the tall buildings lining the street.

The late afternoon sun streams between the gaps of the skyscrapers and washes the apples of your smiling cheeks in a warm summer glow. Although the fall semester has yet to begin, there are many young people bustling about, and your shoulder brushes against Doyoung’s as you leisurely stroll up the sidewalk. It’s moments like these that make him stop and remember how lucky he is to have someone as radiant as you.

He lifts your clasped hands to press a soft kiss to your knuckles. “I love you too, by the way.”

“Hmm, you better.”

It doesn’t take much longer for you to reach your apartment, the both of you excitedly talking about your plans for the evening up until you get on the elevator.

“I texted them we’re on the way up, but Yuta said they’re not ready,” Doyoung laughs.

“It’s fine, I already know anyway!” you say, impatient to start the night’s festivities already. According to Doyoung, he had even bought a table at one of the swankiest clubs in the city, and you did not plan on walking in even slightly sober.

“No but,” Doyoung whispers as you approach the door of your apartment. “You still have to act surprised when we go in, okay? They’ll kill me if they find out.”

“Ugh, fine!”

You can faintly hear frantic whispers and a small commotion behind your apartment door when you reach it, even making out a ‘Johnny, you can’t fit there!’ before everything seems to go still. Doyoung opens the door for you after a moment, and there is a short moment of silence before the lights flash on and streamers are popped.

“SURPRISE!” your friends cheer in unison. You place a hand over your chest in your best attempt to look shocked, though a genuine smile does spread on your face when you see them all there to celebrate with you

“Haha, say hi to the camera!” Johnny, a tall guy with a knack for photography, yells, capturing the exact moment you walk in.

Before you can say anything, your best friends, Lily and Daisy, pull you further into the apartment, which is elaborately decorated with balloons and streamers. There is even a shiny inflated ‘26’ hung on the wall. You can’t help but look at your friends with a pout. “You guys did all of this?”

“Of course we did, bestie!” Lily beams at you, clinging onto your arm. “But thank god you’re here, I was alone with Johnny for so long because Yuta and Daisy got here late.” You laugh at the dirty look she shoots over at Daisy, who simply shrugs.

“We were picking up the drinks and got a little distracted when we were on the way over!”

“Oh right, distracted--”

“Anyway, we brought tequila!” Daisy chirps, flashing the unopened bottle to you. You grin back. Your friends really know you. “Let’s get this party started!”

The pre-game starts off strong with everyone taking shots at your insistence. About three shots later, everyone is in a good mood to start getting ready to leave for the club (except Lily, who seems to already be there from the way she is dancing). Johnny attempts to copy her moves, causing Yuta and Daisy to fall over each other as they laugh loudly. You’re about to join the impromptu dance floor when you feel a hand slip into yours.

You barely have time to smile at Doyoung before he twirls you around, leaving you giggling and breathless. Then, without a word, he guides you out onto the balcony, where he pulls you into his arms. There is something sobering about the soft night air, which isn’t quite the vibe you’re going for. Your laugh cuts through the stillness of the atmosphere. “Doyoung, what are you--”

The way he is looking at you with so much affection makes your heart do a somersault in your chest. “Happy birthday, baby,” he whispers in that delicate, melodic voice of his. Suddenly, he pulls away so that you see that he is holding a large, flat case. He hands it to you, eyes sparkling excitedly. Your eyes, on the other hand, suddenly prick with several tears.

“Wh-what is this?”

“A surprise. Open it!”

With shaky hands, you open the case to reveal a beautiful, gold necklace with a simple diamond-encrusted pendant. You gasp. “Doyoung, you--” your voice gets caught in your throat. “You got this for me? It’s gorgeous, but you really sh-shouldn’t have. I--”

“Yes, I should have,” he laughs, seeing how emotional you’ve gotten. Doyoung pulls you into his embrace and presses a soft kiss to your temple before looking down to meet your eyes. “Do you like it?”

“I love it,” you whisper hoarsely, leaning up to peck him on the lips. You let out a sniffle. “You spoil me.”

“Of course I do, you’re my baby,” he says matter-of-factly. You giggle through your tears and hug him tighter.

And as beautiful as the necklace is, you can’t help but feel that being loved by Kim Doyoung is the best surprise present that life has given you.

[theboardwalkbody]

Title: The Shot 

Fandom: Stranger Things Characters: Alexei, OFC, Murray Pairing: Alexei/OC Rating: T Warnings: Blood Chapter: 1/??? Might do more if there’s an interest. 

Alternative take on the scene at the fair. AU - Alexei doesn’t die. OC.  

They say the first gunshot of the Revolution was the proverbial loudest gunshot. ‘The shot heard ‘round the world’ as they say in the history books. Well, American history books anyway. The truth is it wasn’t. The loudest gunshot is actually the one you are affected by and needless to say I was in no way involved in the American Revolution. For me the loudest gunshot was one I didn’t even hear. It happened right next to me but between the guns silencer and the gunman skillfully timing it with the boom of the overhead Fourth of July fireworks there really was nothing to be heard. And yet, it was deafening.

I’ll be honest the 24 hours prior to this shot were shocking, and that is a grotesque understatement. Otherworldly portals, secret underground labs, an almost superhumanly crazy gunman whose sole purpose in life seemed to be to keep said underground lab and otherworldly portals kept secret; which of course meant that the Four Nosy Americans and our Dearly Abducted Russian Scientist who has willingly spilled all of the metaphorical beans needed to be, well, eliminated.

You would think that any one of those hugely life changing discoveries would be the thing that struck to the core; the thing that would cause so much dread and panic. But it was none of those things. For me the most shocking event was that one second I was walking alongside that Dearly Abducted Russian - or, as he stated his actual name – Alexei, smiling with him as we walked back from a balloon-dart game where he had won a giant stuffed Woody Woodpecker (impressing me and about 2 dozen children) and the next… deafening noise.

It was as if he appeared from thin air – the gunman suddenly passing right in front of us without either of us noticing his approach, the raise of his arm to press the barrel of his gun against Alexei’s body, shielding it from view between their bodies and the giant stuffed cartoon woodpecker, the whisper of something I couldn’t understand as he passed by to disappear as quickly as he had appeared. It was so quick and the act so fluid that I wasn’t entirely sure it even happened except for the evidence left behind in his wake.

There was blood.

I’ve always heard that in the most profound moments everything is quiet. Nothing but absolute overwhelming silence. To me it was the loudest moment I’ve ever experienced. The sound of my heart pounding mixed with the sounds of fireworks, children yelling, people talking, babies crying, machines whirring, music from about 30 different sources, everything melding together to create the most offensive and chaotic sound.

I wanted to scream from the pressure of it all welling up in my head. I shut down emotionally instead.

Murry, also known as the Only Apparent Human Being Who Can Translate Russian to English, had witnessed the assault but saw about as much as I did despite the different vantage point. He rushed over as I leaned into Alexei’s body and wrapped an arm around his shoulders to support him as he began stumbling.  Murry and I guided him to a secluded area between two pop-up buildings for games. In the little makeshift alley it was darker and the sounds of the roaring fair faded to more of a jumbled background noise.

“Alexei! Can you hear me?” Murray was practically yelling as we gently lowered the shocked and bleeding man to the ground. Being spoken in English Alexei responded only to the sound of his name being said, but he didn’t have much strength or awareness to stay focused and his head fell back against the wall behind him as his eyes closed.

“Keep him awake,” I said quietly to Murray as I yanked the jacket off myself. “Give me your shirt.”

My voice was quiet and emotionless. Almost robotic.

Murray nodded, ripped his own shirt off, then shifted focus back to Alexei and tried to keep him from losing consciousness by snapping his fingers and speaking in a loud, panicked tone; switching back and forth between English and Russian, not that it mattered at all what he was saying or which language he was saying it in. Neither I nor Alexei could really hear him. Alexei was between life and death – a fact I was well too aware of – and I was living in a silent world having tuned everything to focus.

I tied my jacket to Murray’s shirt to make them longer and then reached around Alexei and tied the clothes around him just above the wound. As I reached around I felt for an exit wound but felt nothing. I tied the makeshift tourniquet as tight as I could not tying it off until it was so tight Alexei sucked in a breath. My heart almost leap out of my chest. He felt the pressure. That was a good sign.

“Murray I need your shirt,” I said.

“What? I already –“, he started but I cut him off.

“The undershirt. Now.” I still didn’t raise my voice even though I was angry with him for not doing what I said the first time and wasting precious seconds.

It took only a moment but to me it felt like an hour; Murray handed me the undershirt.

“Tell him I’m sorry but it’s going to hurt,” I told Murray.

He nodded and translated my words to Russian. Alexei’s only response was a wince in response to the pain he was already feeling, though I highly doubted he felt it with its true intensity. His body was in shock, he needed immediate medical attention and I needed to try and stop the bleeding as much as possible. I took Murrays shirt and twisted it slightly to form a ball roughly the size of the bullet wound. I ripped open Alexei’s blood stained shirt and as gently and as quickly as I could I stuffed some of the shirt into the wound to try and block it and instead of backing off I pushed against it with all the strength I had, shifting my position and getting better leverage by leaning slightly forward on my knees and almost falling on to him.

The action caused him to yelp in pain. For a moment his eyes focused on mine before rolling back into his head and fluttering closed. My chest ached. He was in pain, and even though it was needed I hated that I caused it. “Alexei!” I shouted, evidently too loudly by the way Murray jumped at the sound. “You gotta stay with me, okay,” I added more softly when he took a deep, rough breath in and looked at me again but with unfocused eyes.

“Murray – get an ambulance. There’s a medic tent by the main entrance,” I ordered. “But what are we going to tell –“ “Murray! I am a goddamn nursing student, not a fucking trauma surgeon! Cover story later. You get me an ambulance or he’ll die soon. I can’t let that happen which means you need to get me a fucking ambulance!” I was yelling. I had kept my cool for too long without letting myself experience any sort of emotion and it was all bursting out. Tears were beginning to leak from my eyes. Nursing school and clinicals teach you to keep your head in a crisis. But I had done all I could do which meant that now I no longer had control of the situation. No control means no emotional blockade.

Murray stumbled to his feet and then ran off to find a medic and an ambulance.

I was using both hands to keep pressure on the wound and aiding the pressure of the tourniquet. I took a deep breath to try and calm myself and then placed my forehead against Alexei’s for a moment to try and reassure him. I knew that he couldn’t understand me, but I spoke to him anyway.

“It’s going to be okay. I’m going to make sure of it. You just have to stay with me, okay? I can’t do all the work here by myself. I need you to help too. Okay? I need you.”

I felt a lump rise in my throat. ‘I need you.’ I didn’t realize I even felt that way until the words had left my lips. I wanted to yell at myself. What was this? Some Disney film where the heroine falls for the hero after knowing them for only a few days all the while they barely exchanged any words? All our conversations were translated by a recluse with a severe prejudice against Russians, with the exception of the one he was now trying to save, and our meeting did begin with a kidnapping. It just wasn’t mine it was his. Yeah, this could definitely make a Disney movie.

My panicked thoughts were interrupted by Murray reappearing with a few medics in tow.

“I warned Jim and Joyce,” he said as the medics rushed over and flanked me. I nodded, never taking my focus away from Alexei.

“Miss, you can let go, we will take him from here.” I heard the lead medic say to me, but my body wouldn’t react. “Miss, please, you need to get off him so we can transport him.”

Murray walked up behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Let them work, you’ve done your part,” he assured.

I hesitantly backed off and stood up. Murray kept a hand on my shoulder as I stared at my blood-covered hands. I wiped them on my jeans but the stains were already setting in.

The medics placed him on a stretcher and began to wheel him to an ambulance that had pulled up by a third medic arriving on the scene.

I broke away from Murray’s reassuring hold. “I’m going with him,” I said.

“But what about Joyce and Jim?” Murray called after me jogging slightly to catch up with me and the medics.

“Stay with them, tell them what happened, make sure they’re safe. Go with them,” I yelled back. After my instructions I didn’t look back, but I knew he listened because he didn’t follow or call out again. I climbed in the back of the ambulance and sat watching the two medics work on stabilizing Alexei with fluids and oxygen. I knew it wouldn’t do much without stopping the bleeding and getting a blood transfusion but I hoped it would be just enough to get him to the hospital where those measures could be implemented. I reached out for Alexei’s hand. I’m sure the medics assumed it was because I wanted to comfort him, which wasn’t wrong, but the truth was I was trying to comfort myself, too, and the only way I knew to do that was by placing my middle and index finger over the radial pulse point and just feeling his pulse against my fingertips. A pulse meant life; meant he was still with me. I closed my eyes and focused on the ragged, unsteady beating of Alexei’s pulse and tried to shut out the blaring noise of the sirens and the medics talking and working beside me hoping we would get to the hospital soon.

[ourmidnightmusings]

OkiKagu Fanfiction

Title: Babies Bring the Worst out of People

Summary:  Okita Sougo is forced to attend a baby shower held in honor of his and Kagura's first child. The best part? His in-laws can't wait to murder him. 

Pairing(s): OkiKagu, hints of KamuSoyo and GinTsu

Rating: M

Chapters: 1/?

A/N: I’ve been wanting to write for my second favorite couple ever! Also, there needs to be more OkiKagu fics in the world! Please let me know what you think. Hope everyone likes it! :)

"I changed my mind; I'm not going."

Kagura looked up from her third bowl full of rice and egg and spared an annoyed glare at her husband. "Yes, you are."

Folding his arms together, Okita replied in a stern voice, "No, I'm not." Naturally, any wife in his time would be a bit tense to hear the man of the house sound so serious. A proper, Japanese woman would obey her husband's words, not defy them.

His wife was neither of those things.

"HAH! It's funny that you think you have a say in anything." The Yato bellowed out in fits of laughter. After another round of knee-slapping and snorting, she went back to shovelling piles of food into her mouth. Disregarding Sougo's unamused look, she went on to prove her firmness on the matter. "Anego worked hard on this baby bath party for us, we have to go."

Okita rolled his eyes. She didn't even know what the damn thing was called. "You mean baby shower."

"Whatever, you're still not getting out of this."

He released a deep sigh and sat next to the frustrating Amanto. Glancing down at her well-rounded stomach, he began to think of ways to convince her to ditch the damn party. The last thing he wanted to do was argue with an irritable, hormonal alien that was capable of sending his ass flying should he piss her off. But he was really not looking forward to seeing a bunch of troublemakers and dealing with the shit-show that was likely to occur. And as bad as the Yorozura and their friends usually were, they were not the reason he wanted to avoid the baby shower.

To his luck, the Boss Lady had thought it would be a great idea to invite Kagura's brother and father to the event. How she even found out how to contact them was beyond him.

It wasn't that he was afraid of his in-laws. It was that he hated them and wished that they would both get lost in space somewhere. For one, Umibouzo was always giving him menacing looks and pandering Kagura to come alien-hunting with him. Then there was that prick Kamui who had attempted to kill him at every given turn. The day before their wedding was a lovely example of how close they had become.

"You're not worthy of mating with my sister if you can't even beat me in a fight." The vermillion-haired man pressed the tip of his umbrella further into his neck, grinning. "As ugly as she is, I still have to protect her dignity as a Yato."

The fight ended right away once China shot a hundred bullets at them. Never mind the prospects of injuring her own groom.

He leaned over to rub her pregnant belly affectionately. Despite the hectic process of dating and marrying the crazy woman, he loved her more each day. His happiness only increased the day she told him that they were expecting their first child. They still had a few more months until she was ready to pop, but he was excited to meet their new son or daughter. Having a new family was always something he secretly wanted. His only regret was that his older sister would not get to shower them with the same love she raised him with.

"Can't you give me a break? I'm the one who gave you this kid." Sougo pulled her away from the table, settling her in between his legs. "Unless you're not telling me something." He joked.

"Relax, Sadist. I've never slept with anyone else and you know it." Kagura rested her head on his chest. "I can give you an exact date that you blew your load into me to prove it."

"So vulgar," Okita smirked. An idea formed in his head, it was likely to fail but worth a shot. He pulled her down with him onto the floor and climbed on top of her. With ease, he unhooked the first few ties on her qipao to reveal her swelling breasts. "I wouldn't mind blowing my load into you right now though. What do you say, China?" He whispered as he peppered kisses all over her neck. She had been consistently horny during her second trimester- not that he was complaining. Maybe he might be able to sway her with the promise of some afternoon nookie?

The Amanto girl pushed him away and straightened out her dress. "I say we get going before Shinpachi and Gin-chan wreck the place." She held her hand out to him, smiling like no tomorrow.

He only groaned and helped her up.

~

By the time that they arrived, Saddaharu in toll, the Shimura house was already filled with familiar faces. Kagura's eyes had lit up tremendously, taking in the hoard of people that were socializing around the estate. It seemed that Anego invited everyone who lived in Kabukicho. Not excluding an abundant amount of friends the Yoruzura had made on their adventures. "Kagura-chan! Okita-san! Welcome!" Otae greeted the couple made their way to the yard where most of the decorations and food were. Blue and pink balloons, streamers, and banners spread out as far as they could see. Why there were even tables filled with all kinds of delicious-looking food!

Sougo snickered, patting the pregnant Yato's shoulder tenderly. "Looks like they've prepared enough for your appetite. Unfortunately, it looks like the rest of the country will have to suffer a shortage for at least a month." His joke earned him a crushed foot, courtesy of his wife's favorite pair of boots.

Ignoring his groans of pain, Kagura eagerly waddled up to the older lady. As excitement burst from her body, she gave her friend a tight hug. "Whoa, Anego! This place looks amazing!" The vermillion haired woman beamed.

The daughter of a samurai smiled and returned her embrace, mindful of her protruding belly. "I'm glad that you like it. We're waiting for a few more guests to arrive and then we'll really start the fun!"

"Who's missing?" Okita grunted, looking around the crowd suspiciously.

Suddenly, several panicked screams and screeches filled the area. The sea of people quickly dispersed as a large, flying ship clouded over them.

"KAGURAAA!"

Fuck.

"Papi!" His wife yelled back, watching in awe as her father and brother jumped off the space vessel. Abuto and a few other of their lackeys joined them as well. Umibouzu landed first, although his balance was thrown off by a loose roof tile. He tumbled comically until he fell face-first at their feet.

The married couple and Otae watched awkwardly as he quickly stood up. "Thank goodness, I made it in time." He coughed into his hand, faking composure. But as soon as he remembered the reason for this reunion, his face brightened up a second later. "How's my precious daughter and grandson?" He cooed while leaning toward her belly.

Okita rolled his eyes. He had purposely ignored him like a damn middle-schooler.

Swatting her father away from her, Kagura snorted. "What makes you so sure that it's a boy?"

"It was foreseen, of course!" The hunter proclaimed smugly.

"They say old men become superstitious when they're approaching their final days." Kamui hummed while striding towards them. "Wouldn't it be better to end you now, though? I'll let you die while with what little wit you have left." He asked with his usual menacing smile.

Abuto chuckled as he and a few other of their men joined them. "Now, now. We promised not to make trouble, right Captain?" Not that he would expect his commander to keep his word, especially when he was surrounded by a few people he had yet to settle a score with.

"Don't worry, I'll be on my best behaviour." Kamui beamed. "You're looking quite healthy, little sister. You too, Policeman." He said with a smirk.

"Likewise, Criminal." Sougo eyed him back.

Ignoring his son's rude interruption, Umibouzu huffed and folded his arms. "Anyways, I did not predict Kagura's first child. It was Kouka."

"Mami did?" Kagura's eyes widened.

"Yes. We once had a long chat about your future, just before…" Her father trailed off with a sad smile. Putting his hand on her shoulder and gave her a tender squeeze. "She said that in her dreams she envisioned you cradling a little boy. And I have never known your mother to be wrong about anything."

Kagura, somewhat stunned but also touched, was left speechless. It was only when Sougo gripped her hand that she awoke from the flashing memories of her dear mother. She hadn't realized that she was already tearing up either. Damn hormones.

Sighing, Kamui turned his heel. "Well, if you're done being sentimental about the past, I'll go and mingle."

"Try anything funny and you're dead." The first division captain called after his departing brother-in-law. He was answered with a wave of dismissal.

Clearing her throat, Otae turned back to her guest of honor. "Kagura-chan, let's get you comfortable. Everyone still needs to greet you." Also, she would very much like to make sure her home was intact.

She nodded excitedly. "Okay! Papi, are you coming?" The pregnant woman asked.

"Later. For now, I think I'll go find that sliver headed idiot. Have fun!" Umibouzu grinned before trotting off as well.

Husband and wife shared a knowing look. They would be lucky if no one died by the end of the night. Personally, Sougo blamed the baby.

[badgalyadi]

random survery. / 474 + 560.

How’s your mood? Do you feel any different than you did earlier today? def better than it was earlier

What do you look for in a friend? Is it important that your friends have similar hobbies and interests to you? Or is it more important that you just enjoy their company? i think as long as i enjoy your company, we’re good.

Has anyone ever spread a malicious rumour about you? people have been doing this since middle school lmaooo

Are you comfortable with talking to the opposite sex, about sex? yeah, sex isn’t that deep of a topic lol.

What are your views on people who claim to have had spiritual or paranormal experiences? damn that’s crazy.

Have you ever had a friend that you were really close with, but you ended up drifting apart? Why do you think this happened? lol, life.

How much of an issue would you say peer pressure is for you? FAKE. no way ur gonna get me to do something i don’t wanna do, idc.

Would you be able to give up eating your favourite food(s), if your doctor said you had to? nope.

If you’re single, do you ever feel jealous of people who are in relationships? And if you’re in a relationship, do you ever feel jealous of people who are single? no.

What’s in your pencil case? pens, unsharpened pencils, mechanical pencils, erasers both big & small, a sharpener, a stapler, extra staples, and highlighters.

Is there anything in your room that you wouldn’t want your parents to find? maybe so.

Are you wearing anything fragranced atm? i’m wearing the fragrance i brought back from cuba. it was only $3 and it smells so good, deadass makes me it :(

Was your last illness something contagious? i had a cold, so i guess yeah.

When did you last update your Facebook profile photo? it’s been a year.

Have you ever felt confused about your sexuality? in middle school. terrible time to wanna figure that shit out but 💀

If you found out your friend was sleeping around, what would you say to him/her? nothing b/c i don’t care lmao do you.

How should someone of the opposite sex go about starting a conversation with you? it’s not that deep, just say hi.

Tell me about someone you dislike. Why do you dislike them? Do they know that you dislike them? obsessive and shady asf, can’t mind her business.

Have you ever felt so strongly for someone that you believed them to be totally irreplaceable, as if you could never be happy with anyone else? yeah, and i don’t think i’ll ever feel that way about somebody again b/c i learned u really can live without anybody whether u like it or not.

Out of all the horror films you’ve ever seen, which one scared you the most? uhhhhhh sinister or insidious idk

Who was the last person to tell you that they were disappointed in you? not airing out names. she didn’t directly say it, anyway.

If you’re an only child, do you ever wish you had some siblings? And if you have siblings, would you like any more? i always wish i had other siblings lmao i see people w theirs and be feeling sad as hell :(

Are you friends with the last person you texted? yeah.

Your last Facebook friend request - was it from someone of the opposite sex? no.

What does the eleventh text message in your inbox say? issa meme.

Has anyone ever called you easy? yeah LOL

Would you consider having a child with the last person you kissed? whommm... can’t be having a baby rn when i’m still the baby myself

Is there a cover version of any song that you like more than the original? soooo many.

Have you ever liked someone who was a player? yea lol

Do you own anything that has sequins on it? also yes.

Have you ever done anything to embarrass your parents? not on purpose but they def do shit that embarrasses me too so we’re even 

Do you own a teddy bear? yethhhh

What’s the worst relationship advice anyone has ever given you? all of it. nobody ever knows what they’re talking about LMAO.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with yourself as a person? a 6.5 lmao.

Would you ever kiss someone with facial hair? yeah. Have you ever drooled in public? nah. Do you agree that facebook is taking over the entire teenage population? ???????????? what 80 year old wrote this Have you ever met a mainstream band? no. Have you ever yelled at an electronic as if it could hear you? i get mad sometimes & be fighting random shit LMAOOOO so yes Have you ever been bitten by a dog? yeah LMAO

Would you ever shave your head? if i didn’t have to? no. Have you ever spelt your name in Alphabet Soup? no. What do you think would happen if the Earth suddenly stopped spinning? my stupid ass has no idea & i’m not boutta guess so i can be made fun of What did you want to be when you were little? probably some generic shit like a princess idk Have you ever drawn a picture with sidewalk chalk? yeah. What is the worst possible way to die? slow, painfully. Have you ever burnt yourself with a lighter? sooooooooooooooo many times. Would you ever meet someone you met online? mayhaps. What’s your favorite online game? cricket noises.. What do you think of gay/bisexual people? A1. Have you ever kissed the TV? no. Have you ever thrown your cell phone across the room? yeah, then regretted it LMAOOOOO Have you ever been hit with a ball in gym class? not often but once in hs i got sockedddddddd in the face during volleyball & thought it was on purpose so i hit her w the ball even harder and ended up getting suspended cuz i wasn’t discreet about it lmao Will you be single over winter? [brain muscles overworking themselves] what season is this Where do you wanna live when you grow up? out of miami mayhaps. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants? pajama pants. Would you get married if you could right now? nope. Do you consider yourself spoiled? maybe so. Do you get annoyed when you see someone you don’t like? i usually just focus on other shit. Could you see yourself dropping out of high school? surprised i didn’t. Is there anyone you want to see right now? santi?! What were you doing 12 a.m. last night? fixing my living room. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? :] Are you a mean person? no, i really try not to be. What woke you up today? yesterday*, alarm clock. Have you kissed anyone whose name started with a T? probably lmaoo

Did you date anyone last summer? nah, i was minding my business, enjoying my life. Where will you be twelve hours from now? class. Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? yeth Have you ever slept on a couch with that person? also yeth Have you written a letter to a soldier? no. Ever been in a perfect relationship? lmao “perfect” How do you feel about the person who texted you last? loveeee me some them. What are you looking forward to? cricket noises.. Do you think you are an argumentative person? hhhh.. maybe..  How did you feel when you woke up today? tireddddddd asf. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? mhmmm What time did you go to sleep last night? i always go to bed late asf. i’m boutta go to bed now just to be up in two hours. What color are your eyes? brown. The last song you listened to? a veces, it’s literally on repeat. When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep? if i don’t get up, yeah. Do you believe change is always good? sometimes.

How long was your longest relationship in highschool? 3 years. Do you know who Philip DeFranco is? nah. What’s the most illegal thing you’ve EVER done? 💀 the OP responded to this with weed, i’m really screaming rn.. Where did/do you want to get married? all these questions about marriage, whew. What’s the highest level of education you’ve reached? i’m in college rn Is your last name extremely common, like Gonzalez? no, but i don’t think it’s rare either. Ever notice how most flags are red white and blue? no. Have you ever had a crush on a family member? what the fuck How old is your YOUNGEST friend? bitch.. i don’t know How old is your OLDEST friend? i don’t. know. How long should people be together before they propose? these questions are starting to make me uncomfortable lmaoo Have you had your first touch screen phone yet? that’s how you know this survey is old. Don’t you hate when parents divorce but then still argue regularly? can’t relate, hope i never do. Would you ever join the military? sike. If you could have any dog, what dog would you have? a shihpoo. Would you ever kill a bunny and make soup out of it? what the fuck x2 Do any of your friends own a ferret? no. Do you believe that Christians are better than non-Christians? no? Do boys really rock pink more than girls do? ????????????????????? Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? yerrr What’s your view on the Islam culture? hard to have an opinion on something you know nothing about. Do you know what, “C'est la vie” means? i know i’ve seen this but idk what it means Do balloons make you have a better birthday? nah; they’re loud asf too when they pop, so. Krispy kreme donuts aren’t as good as Dunkin Donuts, are they? DELETE THIS. What is your favorite song from, “Aventura?” THE SPANISH GROUP?! WAYMENT...... i don’t even know. prob something generic. yesterday i was listening to por un segundo lmao :( If you could legally assassinate any celebrity, who would it be? bro.. Do you use Twitter or Formspring? twitter. rip formspring babie love you. Why did you last cry? a few hours ago, real crybaby bad bitch hours. If you had to lose 5 lbs, how would you do it? lower my calorie intake. Is there anyone who seems to think that you are a pillow? ???????? Tell me about your BEST New Year’s Eve ever. wasn’t this one. If you HAD to change your name, what would you change it to? alejandra, idk why that name sticks with me. i just feel like i look like someone named alee & idk how that makes sense but it does to me LMAO. Lunapic editor is amazing, no? whommmm... How do YOU write, “Okay?” depends on my mood, who i’m talking to, what we’re talking about.

How old was the last person who kissed you? 28. Do you have any plans for the day after tomorrow? not that i know of. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah. What time did you wake up today? 7. Name something you can’t wait to do: idk. If you had to choose, would you rather be an alcoholic or a pothead? pothead. What has pissed you off today, if anything at all? cricket noises. Can you honestly say that at this point and time you’re happy with the way life is going? no lmao. Can you easily tell if someone’s fake? mmmmmmmmmmm.. depends. Is there someone you don’t ever want to be out your life? yeah. Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? yeah. Looking back in time did you ever waste your time on a certain boy or girl? feel like most ppl have been thru this. Has anyone ever sang to you? yeah bfsjklj Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other? LMAO yeah. Coffee or alcohol? oof.. both. together. Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with C or J? yeth and yeth. Do you ever cry during movies? hell yeah w my crybaby ass Do you have any piercings? ears. Have you ever found someone you really like? my BOO. 🗣 Did you go outside for more than 30 minutes today? yeah LMAO Do you remember who you liked three months ago? was that november... idk how to do math LMAO pretty sure i liked ques by then.

[seventyfiveapples]

In Transit - Chapter 9

Previous Chapters: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT

Or: The whole enchilada on AO3

Summary: When Officers Jakoby and Ward are hand-picked by the Magic Task Force to transport a dangerous convicted murderer, they must stay a few steps ahead as various enemies, forces of magic, and mistakes from the past complicate their path.

Author Notes: Big chapter... (in terms of events, not length!) comments are appreciated! This is the next to last chapter, and the last chapter will be coming out very soon.

Four elves - two with wands raised - walked, slowly, towards the car.

“Officer, put this thing in reverse, now!” snapped Kandomere. Nick shook his head as he mashed the gas pedal as hard as he could. He turned the ignition off and on and tried the gear shift: anything he could think of. No luck.

“Car won’t move,” he said. “It’s dead.”

The three of them watched, helpless, as the elves approached.

All the doors of the police SUV flew open at once.

“Agent Kandomere? Cuffs.” Leigh spoke sharply to the elf and he was about to protest when he saw her pry off the MTF bracelet and pull out her wand. His brow creased. Typically he would ask more questions, but given their current predicament he just nodded and turned to unlock her cuffs.

“Officer Jakoby, can you give us a moment?” the agent asked. Nick nodded and exited the car, sidearm drawn. Leigh suddenly realized where she recognized the agent from. On the day of her sentencing, he’d been there. One of a few in the courtroom who hadn’t cheered. Something about that felt comforting.  He leaned in to talk quietly enough that Nick wouldn’t hear.

Meanwhile, Nick hoped he’d give the two some cover to exit the vehicle at their pace. He wondered what they might be talking about but was slightly more occupied by the four elves aiming wands and guns in his direction. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw the Agent press something into Leigh’s hand before they both left the car.

The three of them stood side by side as they faced the four Inferni elves.

Leigh pointed her wand directly at Chad. He and another elf pointed wands right back at her. The other two elves trained guns on Nick and Kandomere. Kandomere drew a weapon and aimed at one of the gun-toting elves. Nick was aiming at the other wandless elf but kept his attention focused on Chad.

[one year and six months ago]

This was not Leigh’s proudest moment, but at the moment she was scared shitless enough not to care. She’d just seen her friend stabbed to death, and was being pursued by the murderer. Currently, she was hiding crouched in the bathroom of a fast food restaurant, trying her best to silently cast a confounding charm before he found her.

Almost, almost... but she had to speak a bit louder for the charm to stick and didn’t want to risk him finding her before the charm held. She hadn't heard the door move in at least five minutes, so she decided to chance it. She cleared her throat, raised her wand, and-

BAM.

Chad kicked in the door of the accessible stall where she was crouched above the toilet. "Look, Leigh. I'm not here to hurt you. Just come back and everything will be-"

"You're a murderer. I'm not going anywhere with you!"

"That was necessary. I’ll explain it all later, just come with me now, or they’ll arrest you and I won’t be able to help. Look, Jeanette was nice, but she was unremarkable. Her death won’t really matter in the long run. But you--you can be part of something great. Come with me, Leigh.”

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her hand shook as she held him at bay with her wand. My gods, she thought. Nick had been right all along.

”Fuck. Off!” She waved her  wand and a sphere of energy ricocheted around the tiled bathroom before fizzling out like a deflating balloon. The elf laughed.

”You have to come back. You don't have any control of your magical abilities. You point that wand twice: once you might manifest a single blade of grass, the other time a fireball. I can help you!"

"I don't want your fucking ‘help’! And if I'm so dangerous, maybe you should back the fuck up!" She leapt down and into a standing position, never breaking eye contact as she fixed the wand on him. She had been warned about this asshole, but at the time, she didn't see it. Nick had, though. He’d tried… but she’d been so goddamn blind.

Now, of course, she started to see what kind of person he really was, but the veil wasn't lifted until this morning, when she'd seen him stab a person - her friend - to death, unprovoked.

He backed away and then broke into a run out the door. As quickly as he'd found Leigh in this restaurant bathroom - he was the one on the run. Strange...he actually looked panicked as he backed out of the bathroom and into the restaurant, where a dozen pairs of eyes widened as they saw her with a glowing wand in her bare hand.

He reached into a small pack and held - something - in his hand as he pushed through the front door and broke into a run out the door.

Something about this felt... wrong.

She followed him anyway, remembering to hide the wand before she did. She gained on him until she was close enough to call his name. He looked over his shoulder at Leigh and lost his footing, falling flat on the sidewalk in front of a tour bus. He reached out, grabbing the side of the bus to pull himself up, then drew a knife (how many did he have?) and waved it in her direction. "Stay back!" he yelled in a high pitched, terrified voice. A few heads turned. A crowd started to gather.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"Help!" He cried out, to no one in particular. "This woman is a Bright and she's trying to kill me! Please help me!" Leigh just stared, shocked at how convincing his fake panic sounded.

More people turned to watch. The crowd grew larger. A few people brought their phones out to take pictures or video. No one seemed to be coming to his aid, though...

He pointed the knife to his own throat.

"What are you doing? You're making me cut my own throat?"

"...the fuck?!" Leigh took a few steps towards him, slowly. Suddenly he sprang forward, closing the distance and holding the knife to her throat. So quiet that only she could hear him, he hissed in her ear:

"You'll have nothing. No one. Nowhere to hide. Your whole life will be worthless. Leave now and everyone you care about will pay the price... starting with your boyfriend."

He'd struck a chord. He seemed to be doing it on purpose.

Without thinking she drew her wand and pointed it at him, sending him backwards several feet until he hit the city bus. The gathered crowd gasped when the wand started to glow, and a few screamed at seeing her use it.

Suddenly, a high-pitched whir sound started, quickly growing louder and louder. It seemed to come from the exact point on the bus where the elf had landed. Her eyes went wide. What the fuck was going on? What had she done?

She didn't have time to wonder. A spark of flame ignited under the bus, and the crowd started to scatter. The bus passengers were trying desperately to leave as the fire grew with a few pops. Then, all of a sudden-

BOOM.

The bus was engulfed in a fireball from the inside out.

Those people - all those people... All of a sudden, she was surrounded by police.

The rest of that day was a blur. Some moments seemed permanently frozen and others she could never remember. People said "under arrest" and "murder" and "freak" and "I'm a lawyer that has been paid for you by a third party."

The only thing she remembered clearly from that day was a number: Seventeen.

Seventeen people died that day… because of her.

(present day)

“What the fuck is this, Chad?” asked Leigh.

“Oh, Leigh. Always so dramatic - I thought we were friends!” Godsdammit, he was fucking mocking her.

“I thought so, too. But that was before you killed my friend in front of me. I guess we drifted apart after that.” Her voice dripped with rage as she spoke to him. It was the first time she’d seen him face to face outside the courtroom since that day.

“You know,” he said, ignoring her. “I’ll tell you what I told you back then. This could end quite peacefully. Come with us.” He gestured to the disk behind him. “You see this kind of power? This is who you could be. This is who you were meant to be!”

“You’re a murderer.”

“Look who’s talking. How many people were on that bus again?”

“You mean the one you blew up?” This was Agent Kandomere. Leigh whipped around to look at him. Chad just laughed.

“You knew? I thought everyone bought it. Hell, even Leigh thought she’d done it!”

Leigh looked from the Agent to Chad.

“So, you let them - let me - think I killed all of those people? For what?” But she knew as soon as she did. It was everything Nick and Jeanette had warned her about.

“You never were all that smart, were you?” Chad sneered at her. Leigh heard Nick inhale sharply. “Leigh, your power - it’s special. Even for Brights, it’s special. Look, the humans hate you already. Your life here? Either hiding or in jail. Come with us and you’ll be with people who need you. Celebrate you. You won’t have to hide yourself ever again and we might not kill your two friends here. Doesn’t that sound nicer than all this running?”

“No. It sounds like you want me to join the Inferni.”

“Well then, how about this: Willingly or not, we’re taking you with us anyway.”

“Back. The fuck. Off.” Nick growled. It was the angriest Leigh had ever heard him. “She’s not going anywhere with you.”

“You know I might just kill you anyway,” Chad told Nick. “You’ve been really, really annoying,  for an awfully long time, and I think I deserve a little fun.”

Slowly, he moved his wand so that it was pointing at Nick instead of Leigh.

Leigh didn’t move her wand or her eyes - both of which were trained on Chad - but her other hand moved in a flash, raising above her head and then forward as something flew forward:

A knife.

The item Kandomere had handed her before leaving the vehicle - the same knife Chad had used to kill Jeanette - was now lodged in Chad’s belly. She’d had it with her when she was arrested and somehow he’d confiscated it from her belongings. It was made of elf-forged steel, designed to stay sharp for decades. It would cut through flesh as easily as foam. All this time, Leigh had thought that Jeanette’s stabbing was some kind of accident, but with this knife, now she knew:

He had shown up to her apartment that day intending to kill.

Now Chad was staring at it, confused as he fell to his knees, dropping the wand. The other elves drew their attention away from Leigh, Nick, and Kandomere and the Agent took advantage of the moment to fire at one of the gun-toting elves’ hands, causing her to drop her weapon. Kandomere rushed to apprehend her and the others aimed their weapons at him.

“Try it and Chad dies! Drop your weapons!” Leigh yelled, keeping her focus on her old “friend.” Leigh’s wand glowed brighter as a surge of emotion flowed through her. At this pulse of energy, the other gun-wielding elf lowered her weapon, eyes wide.

Leigh had guessed - apparently correctly - that he must be very important to the others in this group. Kandomere continued to place the disarmed elf in handcuffs, using slow, deliberate movements. The two other elves remained frozen as Leigh walked closer, now holding Chad at wandpoint.

Nick moved toward the other disarmed elf, but the second Bright pointed her wand at him. “Not so fast, Officer.”

Leigh was now standing only a few yards away from Chad as he lay on the ground. He gave her a smile and a wink that made her blood feel like ice in her veins.To her horror, he had picked his wand back up and was mouthing something, barely above a whisper, looking straight at Nick.

No, she thought. No fucking way.

No more people die at the hands of this asshole, and especially not the one person who’d done everything he could to warn her about him.

Chad’s wand was glowing brighter and brighter as whatever spell he was casting was starting to take hold. Nick had an odd look on his face as tiny blue sparks started to hover all around him.

“Drop your fucking wand, Chad. Whatever you’re doing, stop it! Now!” She was still pointing her wand straight at his head. She hoped she sounded angry but she could tell that panic was creeping into her voice.

All of a sudden, Leigh’s wand flew out of her hand. The other Bright had sent it flying. It landed twenty feet away. Feeling a little braver now, Chad sat up, holding his bleeding belly with the knife still stuck inside. In his other hand, the wand trained on Nick as his chanting grew louder and louder.

No.

The wand grew brighter and brighter.

NO.

Nick cried out in pain as the small sparks started to darted in, out, and through his body in erratic movements, faster and faster. Chad was trying to make this hurt.

Without the wand, Leigh could only think of one way to stop him, but it might cost her life.

“No!” Leigh yelled, running toward Chad and leaping forward. She knocked him backwards. His wand dropped as sudden pressure on his wound made him cry out in pain. Nick fell to the ground as the connection with Chad’s wand was lost.

Furious, Chad pointed his wand at Leigh and yelled something. At the same time, Leigh reached for Chad’s wand and started to scream a spell of her own.

The competing magical forces started to cause a tremor below the ground.

From the place where Chad and Leigh had been struggling, a ball of light exploded. The force of it sent everyone else flying backwards several feet.

As the flash subsided, Kandomere noticed that the large magical disc/portal was gone, as well.

Nick with his sturdy orcish builf was the first to get to his feet. He helped Kandomere up and the two moved quickly to cuff the other two elves while they were still unarmed and dazed from the magical blast. He still couldn’t see either Leigh or Chad through the cloud of smoke left behind by the magical blast. The second Bright had been separated from her wand and Kandomere went to find it.

Once the other three elves were taken into custody, Nick noticed that the smoke had cleared where Leigh had been standing. The first thing he saw was Chad, struggling to breathe.

Nick spun around as there was no sign of Leigh anywhere near him. There was nothing. Behind him he heard Chad... laughing.

“She’s gone. Dead,” he said in a weak voice. “Sucked up into that ball of light. You lose.” He laughed again, but his laughs turned into a rasping cough and a trail of blood was now trickling out of the corner of his mouth. The cough grew louder as Nick scanned the ground, the trees, anywhere to find some scrap of clothing or something to convince himself that Chad was full of shit and Leigh was still alive, somewhere. Abruptly, his cough stopped and Nick whipped around to face him. His eyes had taken on an unfocused look. Kandomere confirmed with a pulse check - Chad was dead.

At least she’d taken him with her, Nick thought, then stopped himself. He couldn’t believe she was really gone.

She’d tackled Chad to save him. Nick felt heavy at the thought. He’d always tried to protect her, not be protected himself.

“He’s right,” Agent Kandomere said, quietly.

“I don’t believe it.”

“I know. But she’s gone. I’m sorry.”

Nick looked in his eyes but he’d always found elves impossible to read.

“I don’t believe it,” he repeated hollowly, but he sank down onto his knees, holding his head in his hands as the elf’s words started to sink in.

She was gone.

NEXT (AND LAST!) CHAPTER

[gracewithducks]

Where is Jesus? (Acts 1:6-14) - Ascension Sunday

Some weeks are rough. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, personally, globally – rough. And this, this was one of those weeks. 

 Last week, our youth led us in an uplifting worship service – full of laughter and positive energy, and the reminder that our decisions matter, and we should think before we act. We were encouraged to be kind, as often as we can, because in life, there is no rewind button; we don't get a chance to do it over again. 

 For many of us, that message hit home on Monday evening, in a devastating way. Young people - predominant women - and their parents were targeted in Manchester, England – as a suicide bomber attacked the crowd leaving a pop concert. For many young people and their families, what had been one of their best nights, long anticipated, much celebrated - quickly became a nightmare. Teenagers, young men and women, parents waiting to pick their children up –even an 8 year old girl, there with her mom and sister - were killed. All in the name of someone's understanding of God. 

 A couple of days later, in Egypt, masked attackers opened fire on a bus full of Coptic Christians, on their way to worship and be refreshed at one of Egypt's most holy and tranquil sites. Men, women, children were killed – all in the name of someone's understanding of God. 

 And on Saturday, on a train in Oregon, a man started ranting and yelling abusive threats at two young women – one a woman of color, the other wearing a headscarf marking her faith. When two bystanders stepped in to defend the women, the attacker turned on them, and stabbed them, and killed them – out of, presumably, his own professed anger that too many Muslims have killed too many Christians over the years. So much violence, so much fear and hatred and revenge and retaliation, so much senseless and needless grief – all in the name of someone's understanding of God.

 And it aches, my friends, it aches, because I know and you know that so many more acts of violence large and small, take place every single day - and hearts are broken, lives and bodies are torn apart, all in the name of someone's understanding of God. 

 And maybe you're like me; maybe you were hoping to come to worship today and find some words of hope or comfort from Christ, the one who we believe came to reveal God to us, the one whose life is the lens through which we understand God. 

 But we are out of luck, because today is Ascension Sunday: today is the day when we remember how Christ, when it all was said and done, how he left us behind. Today of all days, when we need to hear "come to me, you who are weary and heavy-laden" or "blessed are the peacemakers" or even "lo, I am with you always" – today, what Jesus has to say to us is: "Good-bye."

 And I don't know about you, but it leaves me wanting more. All along I've believed, I've preached and staked my life on the belief that Jesus comes to do more than offer us admission to heaven when we die; Jesus comes to give us hope and peace and purpose in this life, in this world, here and now. And yet, in the end, Jesus floats back up to heaven – and we are left, open mouthed, gaping and – for all his promises to never abandon or forsake us – we can start to feel so very much alone. 

 The disciples, Jesus' closest friends, clearly wrestled with the ascension, too. For forty days Jesus had appeared to them, offering them signs of comfort and hope – and that was great – but they were hoping for so much more. 

 So when Jesus gathered them that day and started talking about power from on high - they started to wonder, "Is this it? Finally, at last?" And they asked him, "Lord, is it time? Is it time, finally, for you to set things right?" Sure, we believe that you died and rose again, and that's great, really – but the Emperor is still in control; we are still occupied and oppressed; the same voices that shouted for your death still shout for ours. We believe that death has lost its sting – but we are still being stung. When are you going to set things right? Is it time yet, finally, for your kingdom to come?

 And Jesus says – not even "no;" Jesus says, "It is not for you to know." Don't worry about all that. It's none of your concern. 

 Really? We're the ones trying to make our way in this mess of a world, and it's not our concern?

 And Jesus goes on, "The Holy Spirit will come to you, and give you the power you need. And you will share my good news everywhere, among friends and enemies alike, in your neighborhoods and to the ends of the earth."

 And then, while they watched, he floated away – like a balloon does, when the string slips through your fingers – he floated away, and they stood staring into the sky until he was hidden from them by a cloud. And even then, they stood watching, waiting, confused and befuddled, with no idea what to do. 

 And I have those days, too. I mean, if Jesus came to reveal God to us, if Jesus came to show us the way, and to show us the truth that God is with us – then how in heaven's name can the story end with him leaving us behind? If he came to reveal the good news that God isn't in some heaven, far, far away – then how are we supposed to celebrate today, Ascension Sunday, the day when Jesus floated back up to heaven, far, far away?

 It's not enough. It doesn't make sense. And especially on days like today, on weeks like this, it's downright insulting. Why doesn't Jesus love us enough to stay?

 I was talking to my husband the last couple of days, because – I confessed to him - I've been struggling. I've been wrestling to find the good news for us today. And when I flat-out asked him, "Where is the good news in Jesus leaving us behind?" he rattled off what is, for us, the "right" answer: "It's good news, because unless Jesus left, the Holy Spirit couldn't come."

 And I confess, though I've been taught as much, I'm not so sure. It seems to me like one of those arbitrary rules – like how, in Harry Potter's world, you can use magic for just about everything except making food or making money - like, really? It's magic! Who's to say how magic works?

 And we're not talking about magic, I know, but we are talking about God. And who's to say how God works? Are there really limitations like that on what God can do? Are Jesus and the Holy Spirit like Clark Kent and Superman, or Batman and Bruce Wayne: they can never be seen in the same place at the same time? But isn't the Trinity more complicated than that? There is more to it than God just showing up in different masks and hoping we don't put the pieces together - right?

 I don't know. I confess, I don't. 

 I do know that Jesus says: it's good for me to leave, because then I can send the Holy Spirit to help you and comfort you and guide you and give you strength. 

 So, okay. That's what Jesus says. 

 But I still struggle. Wouldn't it be easier, don't you think, if Jesus stayed? If – instead of an ineffable Spirit who whispers and nudges in each of our hearts, as we try to figure out how best to live – wouldn't it be easier if we could just ask Jesus, and hear what he has to say?

 No more fighting over the Book of Discipline. No more worship wars or wars over interpretation of Scripture. No wondering where to draw the lines, or whether it's possible to love the sinner and hate the sin, or what sins were supposed to be hating in the first place. No fighting over precious rocks or holy pieces of land, when Jesus keeps reminding us that God loves people, not places, and it's God's love that makes lives - not land - holy. Nobody marching off to kill their neighbors in Christ's name – because he'd not only put out a statement against it, he'd catch a plane and be there waiting, sitting with the very people we wanted to bomb. 

 Then again, perhaps I romanticize that possible world: because in the world Jesus was in, nobody wanted to listen to him, anyway. Greed and power and fear are powerful, even when God is standing right before your eyes. 

 So let me tell what I think the good news is for us today – because I do believe it's here. 

 The good news of the ascension is that Jesus leaves: not so God can be far, far away, but so God can be everywhere, all around us, and even within us. That's the promise of the Holy Spirit: that we don't have to wait for a press release, that we don't have to crawl up a holy mountain or wait in line to have our needs heard or our way revealed. God is with each one of us, in every moment of our lives – and in a much more powerful way than one man alone could ever have revealed God's omnipresence, God still really is with us, Emmanuel, always. 

 Jesus ascends, so God can be everywhere – and so God can be nowhere. And that, I think, is good news too. 

 So much of the trouble we get ourselves into in this world, so much of the violence and injustice and the bloodshed – it's done by people who claim to know, for certain, that God is on their side. And if Jesus was still here, physically present, in Israel or Palestine or Rome or the White House – can you even imagine the battles, the power struggles, the wars waged by all those who wanted to own him, to control him, or else to silence and shut him down?

 Even when Jesus was on earth, there was an inner circle, wasn't there? A group of people who were especially close, who could claim to know him better and have more unrestricted access than anyone else. All the crowds could hope for was a glance or a kind word – only a few really got to know him, and to be fully known. 

 But Jesus didn't come to set up another religious elite; he didn't come to establish just another set of us against them. 

 He came for everyone. He came for us all. 

 That's the good news of the ascension: that Christ is equally close to every human being on earth. His love isn't reserved for a chosen few, nor are his grace or his peace. If he stayed, we might never have realized just how broad – and just how powerful – his kingdom of love is. 

 Friends, I firmly believe that, if your understanding of God leads you to hatred, if it leads you to pray for the death of your enemies, if it allows you to stand by while innocents suffer, just so you can make a point – then you are not worshiping the God revealed in Jesus Christ. The voice whispering in your heart isn't the Holy Spirit, it's your own ego. The god you worship is an idol of your own making. 

 The Christ we follow is the one who welcomes children, who values women, who calls unlikely disciples and empowers them with his love. The Christ we follow is one who welcomes strangers and makes room for foreigners at his table, who heals the sick and feeds the hungry – not because they are worthy – but because they are in need. The Christ we follow blesses the poor and the mourning and the peacemakers, and he staked his life on the promise that God's love even conquers death. And he invites us to do the same. 

 We have not been abandoned today: we have been challenged to look around and find that Christ is still with us, in the faces of the children in our neighborhoods and the lonely widows up the street, in the faces of our friends who are sick, our neighbors who are hungry, in homes that are condemned, drinking water filled with lead, in ramshackle tents in refugee camps, washing dishes at our favorite restaurants... Christ has not left us; he is all around us, if only we have eyes to see and the courage to love him, still. 

 May we not be so busy staring into heaven that we miss the opportunities to meet Christ, and to serve Christ, all around us still today. 

  God, sometimes we wonder where you have gone. We feel abandoned; we feel forsaken. Our hearts are breaking; our very world is shaking itself apart – and you are so very far away; we start to wonder if you notice; we start to wonder if you even care. Forgive us, Lord, for all the times when we have claimed you as ours and ours alone – forgive us, Lord, for all the times we have been a part of violence in your name – by our action, by our inaction. Forgive us, Lord, for the times when we have failed to recognize you, and for all the times when we have tried to put limits on your love. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Empower us, and guide us, by your Spirit. In the name of Christ, risen, ascended, with us still, we pray; amen.