#I worry that I’m actually just stupid and a normal straight up terrible thief

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

deCIPHER

Bonjour, mes chers! Quite a bit late due to being distracted by that terrible eye surgery of mine, but here’s the first released drabble that was my Patreon Exclusive drabble last month!

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Title: DeCIPHER

Alternate Universe: Post Show / Dipper age ~16

Rating: G+

Inspired By: deCIPHER - Madame Macabre

Summary: Dipper is sixteen and the mess that was Bill Cipher was supposed to have been left behind and yet, here he was, hearing that voice in his head. It would be fine and easy to ignore if Bill Cipher wasn't so good at telling the truth.

::

"Come on, kid, I know you can hear me." Taking a steadying breath, Dipper firmly ignored the words, staring at the board and trying to focus on using the square root completion method to solve quadratic equations. It was getting harder. "Hey, kid, I know you can see me."

Biting the inside of his cheek, Dipper refused to look at the golden glow that drifted by his vision, instead sliding his gaze over to where his sister was sitting at her own desk and taking notes in gel pens. She didn't seem to have any worries and wasn't looking towards the gold at all. "Don't be jealous, Pine Tree. You're the only one who can see me."

Just pretend he wasn't there. He just had to pretend he wasn't there. It had been three years since that summer in Gravity Falls. Dipper was now sixteen, Gravity Falls was completely normal (at least for Gravity Falls it was normal), and he was still nothing but stone. Whatever Dipper was seeing, it was probably just stress brought on by a new school year.

"Piiine Tree. I know you're not an idiot." Dipper could feel the cool touch against his cheek, but he did his best to not flinch and instead looked resolutely at the board. "You can feel it. You're probably the only one in your family that can, thinking on it. I bet not even Shooting Star is feeling it like you do."

Yes, just a normal mental breakdown. That sounded about right, honestly. He had been due for one of those for a while now, so he was sure it would all be back to normal in the next few months. "Hey, kid, things are 'bout to get crazy."

"Ma'am, may I go to the bathroom!" Ignoring the odd looks thrown his way, Dipper waited only long enough to get a hall pass before he was speeding out of the classroom and straight towards the bathroom, throwing cold water on his face as soon as he could. Maybe this was a dream. It would make sense for it to be a dream, right?

"Aha, nice thinking, kid! Shock to wake you up, right? Maybe you should try jumping, next. I heard you can't jump in a dream!"

Bracing himself on the sink, Dipper looked up into the mirror. The only reflection was him, but there, just out of the corner of his eye, was the creature that he still had nightmares about. Maybe this was just another one of them.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry for trying to kill your family and take over the world. There, are you happy?" Definitely a dream. "Right, you just sit right there and listen to me then. As I was saying before you ran off, things are about to get pretty crazy for you humans! You felt it, after all, didn't you?"

Felt what? Life was always crazy! Dipper had thought that Gravity Falls was the only place to attract the weird, but the weird was everywhere in the world. He had seen some pretty strange creatures just here in Piedmont, although granted they were harder to track down and even harder to see.

"Oh, kid, I ain't talking about those run-of-the-mill gnomes you see every summer! I've seen more than you can imagine, kid, and this is going to beat it all." Okay, right, Dipper would just go and trust the liar. That would be great.

Running his hands under the water some more, Dipper shook his head as if trying to dislodge the demon from his mind entirely. That would work, right? "Yeesh, you're so stubborn. C'mon, Pine Tree, you're the only one who can hear me! You've felt it, I know you have. It's there every time you go down one of those kitchy suburban streets of yours."

Kitchy? He was eighty percent sure that was just another word for cheesy and he was a hundred percent sure he only knew that because of Mabel- Ninety-nine percent. It could've come from Soos. "You feel it, don't you? Warm summer day, the air's all hot and sticky, you're walking down the street, all the cars are gone, you hear those stupid bugs, and that haze that comes down… That's not a normal haze, Pine Tree."

Don't listen. He was a liar. A conman. A thief. A poet. A psychic. A thaumaturge. He would only tell Dipper what he wanted to hear and what he already knew. Except… Except Dipper hadn't had the words to explain that feeling until now.

There were no words to explain the feeling he had when he had just been walking around their block after they had gotten home and it had still been so hot. Dipper was sweating and huffing for breath even as he smiled at being home, thoughts and heart still full of Gravity Falls. He had wandered into the middle of the road because, well, because it was empty. There was no one in sight and his mind was still full of Gravity Falls where people walked in the road all the time.

He had walked straight down the middle and he remembered the sweat dripping down the back of his neck. A dog had been barking a few streets over and one of those sprinklers to water the lawn had been going. It was a scene straight from a movie or something, but Dipper had felt this sense of…

The haze had felt like a physical presence against him, the heat powerful and strong and his breathing the only sound that seemed to matter in that moment. He had stopped in his steps and just breathed and felt something. It was like a missed step. Something that should have been there but wasn't and the realization sent the mind reeling.

"I've heard things that could torture your soul to that hell of yours and back, kid, but that sound is something that beats even me." The sound of something big. Something massive in a space where there should have been nothing. "Come on, Pine Tree. If you join me then we can both get ahead in what's about to happen. We'll be on top of it all and ready for what's going to come."

Yeah. At what price? Pushing himself off the sink, Dipper spun around and stared straight into the single eye of Bill Cipher.

"Go to hell." Instead of being taken aback, the demon looked nothing but pleased. "Go to hell." After everything he had done- He thought it would be that easy?

"So you can hear me, then." Meeting Bill's gaze, Dipper didn't draw back as the demon floated closer. "Oh, you're going to be something else, kid."

Just like that, Bill Cipher was gone and Dipper was alone in his head. Thrown off balance, Dipper spun around, expecting to see gold and black and instead seeing nothing but a high school bathroom. It… It had been that easy? That- It couldn't have been that easy. Could it have?

Shaking his head again, Dipper took a breath before leaving. He had a math class to get to and he needed to tell… No. Not yet. It had probably been a one time hallucination due to stress. He didn't need to tell anyone.

He was fine.

::

"I told you, Pine Tree, something big is coming." Twitching at the words, Dipper forced himself to not look up, instead staring down at the research he was doing instead of homework. The supernatural side of Piedmont had been growing in the last few weeks - well, maybe not growing, but there were more wild stories in the news than there should be. It was probably just some eclipse coming up or something. At least, he had thought that. "They all sense it too, that's why they're getting so restless."

"What, exactly, are they supposed to be sensing?" Okay, Dipper hadn't quite meant to actually acknowledge and talk to Bill, but, well. The demon was good at getting under his skin. "Nothing in my research-"

"Pine Tree, you're thinking too much like old six fingers! This isn't something you can just read about. You have to feel it." Yeah, well, he was pretty sure the only thing he was feeling was that fifth brownie he had. In his defense, Mabel had made them with chocolate chips this time. "You really think those three books were the biggest mystery in the world? You think this dimension is the only one?"

Well- Of course not. Ford had told Dipper all about his crazy adventures in the other dimensions. Dipper had seen the creatures from the other dimensions! He knew there was more to all of this than just what was here in their world, but he didn't see- "You think this dimension is without magic?"

That… "Oh, Pine Tree. You raised the dead when you were a child and united a town to fight against demons. If you hadn't ruined my plans then I might have been almost proud! The thing is, though, is that you didn't quite ruin all my plans-"

"You're a stone statue in the middle of the woods where no one can ever find you. If you still think you won then I have some news for you." Snapping his book shut, Dipper climbed out of his piles of books and papers before grabbing his shoes and jacket. A walk sounded great right about now.

"Pine Tree, I can help you! Really, I'm impressed with how far you've come, and you seem to the be the best bet to fight off what's about to happen to your little dimension." Ignore him, Dipper, just ignore him. "It's been such a long time since the magic left."

"First you tell me magic is real and now you're telling me it left- It's one or the other, Bill!" Ignore him, ignore him, just ignore him. "Just leave me alone!"

Getting out onto the night streets, Dipper walked as fast as he could, breathing in cool fall air and feeling himself start to relax. "Pine Tree!" Well, there went that. "I'm offering you everything you ever wanted!"

"Yeah, funny, but I've heard that before!" A blur of everything and Bill was suddenly in front of him, Dipper trying not to show his fear as he saw red instead of gold for a moment. "Go bother someone else."

"Trust me, kid, I would if I could." Great. His luck to be forever stuck with a demon in his head. "Kid, if you side with me then you could have everything!"

"Mm, no thanks. Doesn't really sound like something I'm interested in." Walking past him, Dipper looked up at the night sky and shivered.

"You can sense it coming."

"It's fall and night. I'm just cold."

It had been weeks since Dipper last saw Bill and as much as he tried to put the words out of his head… Something was coming. Whatever it was, it was enough to make Bill afraid. That couldn't be good for them.

"It's night, of course I'm a bit cold. It's September!" Dipper kept walking, trying to keep his breathing under control. "It's just the weather. Just like it was in summer. It's nothing but the weather."

"Just keep thinking on my words, Pine Tree." Yeah, right. That was all Bill could do was put words in his head. Dipper would be better off forgetting them as quickly as he could. He would just forget them.

Simple.

::

"You really shouldn't let go of this opportunity, Pine Tree. It won't last for very much longer." Staring out the snow covered forest of Gravity Falls, Dipper absently listened to his family laughing and partying down on the first floor of the Shack. "All you have to do is shake my hand - my real one - and we can both deal with what's about to come."

"Been a while since you brought this up." Ever since that autumn night, Bill had completely dropped his menacing comments and had instead made sarcastic remarks at school and sometimes helped him with his homework. Sometimes. Usually he cost Dipper a letter grade. "Is it because I go back tomorrow."

"Next summer will be too late. I could spend the next few months convincing you, but by then we'd both be out of time." Rolling his eyes, Dipper looked to the floating demon that was hovering over his shoulder, gaze out the window as well. "If that statue is destroyed, then I'll never be able to come back."

"Oh, no." Smirking as the slap phased through him completely, Dipper looked back out the window. "Guess that means we'd be stuck together a while longer, then-"

"No, kid, I'd never be able to come back." Oh.

"Well, good, then. You tried to destroy the earth." He also made funny comments about the teachers Dipper hated, though. "You almost killed my family." He helped Dipper with his math homework when he forgot how to clear the fractions out of a problem. "You were almost the reason Stan lost his memory." Dipper hadn't had a nightmare in months.

"Eh, it turned out alright in the end." God, no amount of 'human' gestures could ever redeem what Dipper was talking to now. This was a demon, plain and simple. There was no reason to feel guilt or pity. "What if I change the deal?"

"Nothing you say could ever make me release you, Bill. Just drop it." Standing up, Dipper stopped with his hand on the door when he heard the next words spoken into his mind.

"If you agree to work with me to face what's coming, then after it's all over I'll return to being stone and stay out of the thoughts of you and all your friends and family for the rest of eternity."

"You said I'm the only one you can talk to. Unless you were lying, then you'll never be able to trick someone else into setting you free-"

"I wouldn't be able to if I was dead, either." To face what was coming… Dipper could feel it. Something in the air was different and the tenuous peace between normal and weird was about to shatter. "Come on, Pine Tree, be smart about this… You know you've always been different. All those wild hunches and theories of yours back in that first summer? They were all right."

They… They had been, hadn't they? Dipper had been right about all of it. Some of it had surprised him, yeah, but he knew from the start that there had been something lurking in those woods. He had been right. "You were right from the start, Pine Tree. Don't start being wrong now."

Not responding, Dipper was quiet as could be as he walked through the Shack, passing by the den and instead donning a coat as he slipped out into the cold air and falling snow. Taking a shuddering breath, Dipper shivered as he felt that pressure that had been growing since summer.

The two were silent as they set off through the woods, Dipper refusing to speak first as he trudged through snow and stumbled over fallen trees. He knew where to go - he made sure to always remember where he was.

Dipper was half uncertain as to what he would even do once he was there, but he didn't stop until he stumbled upon a picturesque clearing with a familiar stone statue covered in a fresh layer of snow. The area around was completely untouched and Dipper felt like he would be disturbing something if he were to take a single step forward.

"You can't ever hurt them. You can hurt them ever or the deal's off and you go back to being a statute immediately." Silence. There was no trying to argue or twist the words around. "A-And it's only until this threat or whatever is dealt with. Once it's not a threat, that's it, you go back in the stone."

Dipper took a shaky step forward when he heard nothing yet again. He paused in his steps for a moment, shaking fiercely. He shouldn't do this. It didn't matter how great the danger was, he shouldn't be doing this. He stepped forward.

"If you get a physical form back then you can't use it to hurt anyone unless they really deserve it - like they've physically hurt or killed another person deserved it. You can't be seen by anyone in my family and you can't tell them what I did." Dipper was rambling off everything he could think of, trying to close each and every loophole he could. "Got it? You can't use this as revenge or another chance to destroy this town or anything else in any of the worlds or dimensions. You're just here to help protect them."

"Well, what are you waiting for, Pine Tree? Shake my hand." Wrong. Dipper had such a strong feeling of wrongness. He knew he was being played. This had to be Bill's plan from the start. It was a plan to get him out and there probably was no danger and since there wasn't that meant Bill could get out of the deal and he would be physical and for them to work together, it-

"Don't worry, Pine Tree. They won't see it coming." The stone was warm beneath his touch and Dipper felt like he had just damned them all with the laughter he heard. Laughter that bounced off the trees and was as real as his breathing.

What had he done?

[the-nysh]

Opm dub: complete English OVA commentary (with links)

Oh man! I’ve been waiting for AGES to finally see these in English, ever since seeing the subs for them way back. My main incentive to compare how gay the translations are, and I can certainly say, I’ve not been disappointed! 8D

Below are my thoughts and impressions from each one, complete with links and a transcription of fun quotes I enjoyed! Have fun! 

OVA1: The Shadow that snuck up too close

Saitama, to himself: “Man, I gotta admit, stalkers really are scary. Come to think of it, lately I’ve been feeling eyes on me from somewhere too. … It’s no big deal if it’s just someone with a grudge. But… if that anger turned into some kind of warped love or twisted infatuation the way it did in that movie, then…how should I handle it?”  (Look at this, he’s ok being hated; he can handle physical confrontations, but emotional things like love and stuff frighten him! Ahh Saitama, just how will you deal with Genos’ type of attention?! 8D)

Genos: “Perhaps the secret to his power lies in his food. ... No normal person would dream of such behavior, therefore…”  (Genos pls, there’s nothing special in Saitama’s trip to the diner, his diet, or his choice in food; the egg is just poor! Genos simply cannot fathom these conditions otherwise. Grasping at straws, yet doesn’t understand the most simple explanation. Important to note, this demonstrates how he couldn’t put two-and-two together to purposely bribe Saitama later with rent money (offering rent is simply proper boarding manners instead) as he doesn’t understand how tight Saitama’s finances are. Plus, once Genos writes off this superfluous ‘food’ explanation for Saitama’s power, it also writes off the ‘Saitama eats monster parts for power’ fan theory too.)   

Saitama: “Thieving bastard! I’m so gonna catch you and kick your ass!” (GAWD I’m dying over these NERDS trying to out-stalk each other. XD)

Genos: “…DAMN! It IS just a french fry!” (overdramatic no indoor voice borg) “He has a normal diet; it is no different from an average person’s. I have not discovered a single thing. Is it possible that Master could be a cyborg like me? I have considered the data, just one thing left to do.”  (CONFRONT HIM IN PERSON MY GUY. Also, his hope that Saitama could be like him. :’3)

Saitama, to the so-called monster/‘thief’: “COME AT ME STRAIGHT!” (LOL, the dramatic irony here how they’re indirectly talking to/about each other)

Saitama’s internal monologue: “If I continue being a hero, I’m sure this won’t be last time someone’s out for revenge against me. That’s my fate; it can’t be avoided I guess. I just need to change how I think. Right! I need to think positively! I simply have to believe there’ll be people in this world who appreciate what I do. People who’ll know that I’m there to help. I became a hero 3 years ago. I’m not saying I need fans or anything, but it’d be nice if someone noticed all the things I’ve been doing around here. …Oh yeah! There was that one guy who wanted to be my disciple.” (He REMEMBERED Genos! Thinking of things positively from now on too, thank god! :’D)

Genos: “Investigation day 5. I have prepared myself for the worst. *deep breath* Sensei, sir!” Saitama: “You actually showed up.” (Gawd, Genos taking that huge pause, mentally preparing himself to confront Saitama directly. Including preparing his whole backstory speech at ready too. But man, he doesn’t want to screw this up or upset Saitama from all this. :’D) 

Summary: Man I love the dramatic irony in this ova. And how in the beginning, it was all dark in trepidation, with Saitama scared of a 'warped love, twisted infatuation' stalker, but in the end...he wants to think positively of what may come, and thinks of Genos :')))) (boy does he have a storm coming!)

OVA2: The Disciple who stinks at storytelling

The mafia guy…refers to the giraffe keychain as 'these babies' GAWD I’m already dying. “This little giraffe must mean a lot to you!” FFFFF!!! And HOW! 8D Genos: “Yes. It is extremely important.” BOIIII

THE BATH SCENE: full script I posted here. Gggnnghh, Saitama TRYING to get Genos to say how the water feels good: “How was it for you?” GAWD! Just trying to get Genos to relax (like in the drama cd), and Genos not quite understanding that and shifting the convo to a pitch singing match instead. Saitama’s “aww, c’mon really?” like with a fond, ‘oh man what am I gonna do with him’ smile, and then playing along anyway. :’))) Genos’ “that is the note for mi!” in english sounds so much like ‘me,’ like Saitama had delivered HIM the special note he requested! THESE DORKS!! 8’D Messing around together in a public bath house! (where that other old guy can totally witness their unabashed antics!)  

*Saitama noticing Genos staring and standing awkwardly close to him while naked on the massage chair* S: “Uhh…you can take off without me, you know. *gives keys* Wouldn’t want you to get a chill after your bath. But hey, don’t lose those, ok? These are crazy times we’re living in. Losing your keys will only lead to trouble.”   Saitama pls, Genos can’t catch a chill. XD But look at that, the egg worried for his safety/wellbeing anyway, as he gives him permission to leave ahead of him. ;D Seriously, those double-take side glances of his at Genos standing so expectantly next to his side! Like goodness, egg would like some space pls. XD But also, Genos takes Saitama’s key offering and instructions to protect it super seriously too. (he never changes the position of his arm while carrying it!)

*flash to present* G: “THAT is how important the key is to me.” Don: “Your stories are terrible. ‘Faah’-get about it! Nobody cares about any of this crap!” (lol, the audience does tho ;D) G: “Your ‘Fa’ should be higher; ‘Fa~’ see?” (HOLY SHIT what an ass! XD) Don: “Unghh!!” G: “In any case, the key is important and I would like it back now. Surely you have…one or two things that are important to you.” Don: “My Family means everything to me! I’d do just about anything for’ em!” G: “I see, then you understand how I would do anything for Master Saitama.” (!!!!!!!!!! The important, classic declaration line, delivered like this! :’D)  

*flashback* S: “So you decided to wait around after all? It’s so cold, too.” *sneezes* G: “Are you ok, Master?!” S: *shivers* “It’s freezing out. The chill’s gettin to me.” G: *glances at his head* S: “Uh – were you just checkin out my head?” G: “No! I would never.” GAAHH! It’s so gay!! I can’t handle this. :’D Like, OF COURSE Genos wouldn’t leave Saitama alone there! Previously Saitama was worried Genos might catch a chill, but HE catches one instead! And Genos showing his open concern for him! Glancing at his head like mentally correlating his baldness with greater heat loss too (get him a hat, Genos!) Saitama noticing that detail and using the flirty, ‘checkin out’ language, GAH! Plus Genos’ BLATANT LIES. FFFFF!!!

S: *imitating Genos* “DINNER TARGET AQUIRED~!” With that super quick facial change, and Genos staring at him the whole time! 8D

G: *extremely close death glare at the store employee* “It is only 2 seconds past the posted time. Will you please make an exception? You still have the merchandise!” *seething and clenching his fist* “The attitude of that employee. Have you any idea how I felt?! IT WAS WRONG!!” (absolute, no chill drama borg throwing an emotional fit here)

*Genos continues to ramble on, with the Don getting pissed and annoyed at him to get to the fucking point already* G: “Be patient. There is an order to the series of events in question.” (this was the ‘words come from the heart’ line from the fan translations) *comes to the conclusion that they’re complete strangers with zero connection* Don: “You mean you’ve been running your mouth since the moment we got here, just so you could tell me you’ve met him on the street today for the first time?!” G: “You did ask. There, I told you everything. Now give me back the keys as you promised you would.” Don: “SMARTASS PUNK!” (and later: “YOU FOOL! How stupid can someone possibly be!?”) Genos plsss… Like, it’s adorable how naïve and straight-laced he is, expecting proper honest procedure from typical law-abiding citizens…however, these mobster guys are anything but! (and yet he doesn’t even recognize or expect they’re criminals at first) And him simply rambling about his complete bath story with his sensei to complete strangers!! His enthusiasm and priorities, man! X’D

*flash to the REAL present* G: “And finally after all that, I was able to get the key back. But unfortunately, I missed the sale.” S: “Well…I had a spare key so in the end it was no big deal. But it sounds like you had a lot to contend with, didn’t cha?” G: “Master, I must apologize to you. I am too incompetent to run your errands!” S: “Nah~! It’s no big deal! We’ll just have a tofu hotpot tonight.” (he’s really warm here :3) G: “This will not make up for it…” S: “Hm?” G: “But here, *offers special bag* I went by another store.” S: “Huh? NO WAY! That’s some super expensive meat you brought home!” (he’s super happy!)

S: “Good thing we had some eggs, it’s sukiyaki time! Let’s dig in!” (the egg mentions eggs, heh) G: “RIGHT!” (HE is so happy now too!!)

Summary: So GOSH, this entire ova can be summed up with a ‘GENOS PLS’ and ‘these total gay, hopeless dorks!’ X’D Also, the end scene reveals Genos had told Saitama this entire convoluted story too, but UNLIKE the Don, Saitama patiently listens to the whole thing without complaint! Even warmly reassuring Genos’ distress that everything’s fine. :’3 And yep, Genos humbly offers him the expensive meat in apology (as the best alternative he could find, as in his fool mind, best=most expensive), and Saitama is so HAPPY to receive something he would never normally get! Both of them, enjoying a fancy hotpot together. :’D Bless <333   

OVA3: The overly complicated ninja (Sonic’s special)

Sonic’s epically horrible dream about getting punched in the dick by Saitama. Stranger: “Everything ok? I heard you moaning up there!” (WORD CHOICE, man! XD) “You kept calling out ‘Saitama…Saitama.’”

Sonic fukkin carves a detailed face of the egg into a tree… He’s eternally haunted by phantoms of an evil Saitama always ending their encounters by punching him in the dick!! c h r i s t ‘Why’ indeed! ‘Psychological trauma,’ as the old hunter says it is. :P

Sonic: “Fine then, I’ll admit it, Saitama. When I sensed your power, I was afraid!” Ahh, I like how he confronts his weakness. And is determined to overcome it! Training to control and accept his fear! 8D (and gaining a cute little boar friend for support~) Interesting of note to me, how he’s AFRAID of Saitama’s power. How many other people would be as well? When in contrast, people like Genos, would never be afraid of Saitama.

The hunter’s name…is revealed to be FRANK. Omg dub team, pls.

Sonic: “Hey, Hunter. If you’re defeated before you fight, the results will be the same, no matter how often you try.” And this is neat. How someone could be defeated mentally before even trying. :’) Much truth in these words.

Saitama *randomly pops out of nowhere* “Oh. A bear.” (HIS FACE I CAN’T!) Inadvertently saving the hunter while on the prowl, omg. Settling for the bear for dinner, as the baby boar ran away in fear recognizing his face from Sonic’s wood carvings. XD

*Together, at home* G: “So is this what you would call a ‘bear hotpot,’ Master?” S: “Yeah, you heard those rumors about the giant bear causing all that damage right? *snarfs a bite with blushing cheeks* YUM~” G: “You mean, you can really eat them?” S: “Sure, you can eat most any animal.” G: *takes out notes* “I see!” S: “Oh, a-and I hear wild boar is pretty good too.” G: “I LEARN SO MUCH FROM YOU, MASTER!” (omg, genos pls! this is becoming an ongoing gag line, to have him finish their convos with this level of enthusiasm! XD Also how wary he’d been eyeing the bear food, ahaha.)

OVA4: Bang, who is too overbearing (The excessively pushy Bang)

Bang: “Hm? Genos? Why are they together? Wait, come to think of it *recalls Genos yelling ‘Master!’ during the meteor* Could this be a teacher-student situation? But their rankings are Class S and Class C! So what’s going on?” (WHAT indeed! 8D Also, ‘situation’ changed from ‘relationship’ as in the fansubs)

*At the scene of the dead cabbage monster* S: “What should we have for dinner? I think we’ve got some cabbage left.” G: “Cabbage alone will not be enough. Shall I purchase some meat, Master?” S: “Ugh, what am I supposed to do with you, Genos? (OMG) Now listen! Don’t underestimate cabbage! Stir fried in yakiniku sauce goes great with rice.” G: “Ah! I see, so preparation is what truly dictates the results. Even a powerful weapon can be junk in the hands of the incompetent. Tell me; is that the lesson, Master?!” S: “Uh, I wouldn’t go that far.” G: “YOU TEACH ME SO MUCH, MASTER!” S: “Uaah, all your talk about meat made me wanna eat some! Great, way ta go, man.” Wah! This perspective has them inspired from the monster to eat their cabbage leftovers, rather than say, harvesting ingredients from the monster (no collecting monster parts here). :P Also omfg, but is this whole convo a callback to the second ova? About Genos purchasing meat again (Saitama like ‘oh no you won’t again!’) and indirectly calling himself incompetent (like junk?!) again!? (for failing against the meteor this time) Like GEEZ, the toaster is so hard on himself. :’) But, Saitama there telling him not to go that far. :’D And how casually/fondly Saitama speaks with him now (‘What am I supposed to do with you? Way ta go, man.’) Such good interactions!    

Bang, to himself: “Up close he appears to be nothing more than an ordinary guy. Genos looks superior in every way, yet Saitama is guiding him. In terms of Association ranking, Genos is placed much higher, but if Saitama’s mastered a fighting style that surpasses rankings, it’s a different story.” (hohoho, how this summarizes so much! That classic ONE disconnect between appearance, rank and expectations there too) S: “What’s with the weird old guy? He’s gone all quiet.” G: “He is eccentric. Many are like that in Class S.” (Pfft, like…yourself, Genos? ;D And goddammit! Indirectly rude to his face too! XD Well actually, BOTH these dorks are rude to him, hah. They just fukkin get up and leave him – after Saitama asks Genos if he’s ready to go, together.) Bang: “That must mean this Saitama is an all-around outstanding teacher.” (huehue)

Bang: “How ‘bout this, why not stop by my dojo sometime? Might be interesting, what do ya say?” S: “Uh…nah I-I’m good.” G: “Master Saitama is a very busy man.” Bang: “C’mon, don’t be like that. Here, this is the address for my dojo. I’ll be there all day tomorrow.” G: “Did you not hear what I said?! Master is–” S: “Allllright, old man. See ya tomorrow.” G: “Uh! MASTER!” (Heh, Genos trying to defend Saitama, and YET! The ‘yoink’ from Saitama totally surprising him. XD Overprotective toaster, man.)

*later* G: “I thought for certain you were going to stop by the dojo.” S: “Well uh, I’ve learned old dudes like that can be persistent. Humoring them then blowing ‘em off is the only way to avoid big headaches.”   Bang: “...He’s so very vulnerable and inexperienced.” *Saitama immediately dives in front of a truck* G: *gawking shock* “!!!! MASTER!!” S: “Thought it was a cat, but it was just a stupid plastic bag. And now all that delicious meat we bought has been run over by a truck and ruined.” OH MANNN!! Although I do prefer the prolonged yell of ‘SENSEIIIII~!!’ in Japanese, Genos is STILL stunned into overprotective shock for Saitama’s safety here. PLS, he JUST witnessed Saitama punch out a meteor! And YET he cannot help this protective instinct when the person he cares about appears *in danger*! XD Does Saitama’s normally ‘soft’ egg face make him appear ‘vulnerable’ to him too, as it does for Bang?!  

Bang: (internally: “This changes all of my mental simulations.”) “You two look like you’re in need of some nourishment!” (OMG, this word choice! XD) S: *audibly scoffs* Bang: “Back at my dojo, I have some premium meat that the Martial Arts Association sent over.” (ooh they mentioned this detail here) S: “Ah! What a coincidence! I happen to have a bottle of yakiniku sauce! Where is your dojo?” (ahaha his projected heroic voice!)

Saitama, behind Bang’s introductions: “Ughh, this is such a pain in the ass…” Omg, him audibly complaining and annoyed already, he just wants the meat and to go home!

G: *finished clattering on phone* “Master, I will do it.” S: “You understand all the rules?” G: “I do. The explanation took too long, so I just looked them up.” Genos pls, you’re one to talk!! YOUR explanations take forever too! XD GAWD, these dorks I swear.

S: “All right then! The next hit wins, come get some!!” Omg, Saitama’s so into the game. XD Spirited, competitive and totally a sore loser about it too, buahaha!

Bang: “Maybe now you understand that you’ve had a match. Especially you, Saitama. Before you knew it, you enjoyed taking part in the competition. Otherwise you wouldn’t have gotten so serious. … Martial arts are appealing in this way, a way that you can never get from fighting and physical combat.” G: *with arms raised in the same attentive position as Charanko’s* “He has a point; Master was getting serious.” Ohoho, Genos is super interested the moment Bang says the game enticed Saitama to get serious. Interested in whatever can do THAT to his sensei!

Charanko calls him Bang-sensei! 8D (and not ‘Master’ like Genos)

S: “Whatever, let’s go one more round and finish this! I’m STARVING!” (HAH, Saitama pls!) G: “Master, shall I play you next?” (whoa, there!) S: “Uh-what? Why?” OMG Genos pls. X’D Heh, probably because he wants to challenge and see Saitama get serious against him this time. Like a sparring match of a different kind! ;D

Summary: AHHHHH, gosh!! Pretty much the whole ova was absolute gold, with plenty of prime interactions! (I had to refrain from transcribing every conversation XD) What a riot and so much fun!

OVA5: The sisters with too much going on

LILY!!! And FUBUKI!!! 8D Their voices! Ahhhh <3 ‘Gentle tomboyish’ is how I can best describe Lily’s voice. :P Also notably, the group calls Fubuki, ‘Miss Blizzard.’

Genos, internally: *introduces all the formal info for Fubuki* “But why is she…? Allergies, maybe?” (GENOS PLS, she is crying you fool!) THE LINE: “They are crabs. Crabs for my Master!” (EXACTLY LIKE IN THE SUBS I’M CRYING) Fubuki, internally: ??? “Uuhh, Isn’t this guy from Class S?” (She is horribly confused for their first ever line spoken together! XD Doesn’t even KNOW who his ‘Master’ is too!)

Genos, immediately with no chill or indoor voice: “EVERYONE, EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY! I have been informed there is a bomb on this train! PLEASE HEAD TOWARDS THE EXITS, TIME IS- *suddenly realizes* DAMMIT, they cannot! There is no way for them to escape!” (THIS FOOOOL I CAN’T HANDLE HIM HOLY SHIT X’D)

Genos, to Fubuki: “What is it? You cannot handle it without your underlings?” (HOLY SHIT THIS ASSHOLE xD He doesn’t approve of her style of heroics with rookie crushing, and doesn’t hide the disdain in his voice at all!) Fubuki: “No, I just don’t appreciate being ordered around, ok!?” (Heh, their interactions are off to a great start. :P)

The little Class C hero girl! Swim-chan, ahhh! Blushing in Fubkui’s presence. ;D Fubuki: “Shut up and get it together! All that whining’s not gonna change anything! Calm down and prepare yourself.”   :’)))) Fubuki, doubly hard on herself while she lectures the girl (girl still blushing getting ordered around, heh). Speaking from experience and her OWN issues with inadequacy compared to her sister. Ahhh, my girl. <3  

Genos, with extreme strained grunting holding the front of the ramming train: “YES!” (LOL, does this remind you of anything? ;D) Tatsumaki: “Outta the way~!”

Waaah, Fubuki responds to her sister’s quip, ‘why didn’t you just get off of that thing?’ with a ‘none of your business, is it?’ :’)))) Fubuki still has her PRIDE and sense of duty, man!! Aughh! She’s so upset her sister smothered her attempt to shine all over again! Can really feel sentimental for her. <3

Swim-chan comes to personally thank and express her gratitude to Fubuki for saving her. :’) Expressing her ongoing doubts of even continuing to be a hero (Fubuki can totally relate, always being in her sister’s shadow), but has gained renewed inspiration and strength from Fubuki today! :’DD Ahhh, so good! Both of them, uplifting each other to never give up!  

*Naked, at the LAB* Genos: “Dr. Kuseno. Beyond strength, speed, range. I now know there is another type of power I lack.” Kuseno: “Well this is quite sudden. What is it?” Genos: *intense close up* “SUPERNATURAL.” Kuseno: *turns away* “I’m sorry to say my technology can’t help you with something like that.” Genos: *visibly distraught and pouting* Kuseno: “Must’ve been quite the formidable enemy you were fighting. Tell me, what happened?” Genos: *sulking* “…I utterly failed at shopping! *walks away* If only I possessed supernatural powers, the crabs would not have exploded as they did!” Kuseno: “The poor boy must be tired~” - Saitama, waiting for Genos to come home for dinner: “Sure taking his time, what gives?”

UAHHH!!! This boy I swear!! X’D And poor Kuseno too, totally used to this ‘poor boy’ always running with no chill (and his ridiculous requests). :’D Genos pls….Saitama has all the chill, patiently waiting for you to just come home!

OVA 6: The murder case that was too impossible (The far too impossible case of murder)

Immediately, Child Emperor’s voice, and soon enough, Lightspeed Flash’s voice too! “The answer to that is none of your business.” He sounds…posh and manly, heh. Meanwhile, Saitama and Genos are sitting side by side together in the water, minding their own business. :P

Zombieman’s voice?! It’s kinda…higher than expected. :O Like a young, nasally goody guy? Tank Top Master’s voice too…pretty deep.

PPP: “What a waste of a beautiful boy!!” (omg lol, plus the actor does his lines well btw)

Genos, literally fighting with a child to defend Saitama’s honor: “Hold on. Are you implying that Master Saitama is a suspect?” Child Emperor: *to Saitama* “Well, maybe not with that face.” (OMG no!!! X’D) Genos: “Listen to me! Even if My Master wanted to destroy Zombieman, he would not need weapons, a single punch would– *realizes, internally* Wait a second, if Master wanted to test the validity of Zombieman’s immortality, he might have used a weapon to go easy on him. Unfortunately, that would make sense.” Saitama: *notices Genos staring at him* “Hm?” Genos: *secretly to him* “Easy, Master. Do not worry. I will defend you at your trial.” Saitama: “I! DID NOT! DO IT!” (HOOOOO, it’s the ‘perjury for my sensei’ line! Classic. X’D)

King’s voice!! It’s like, deep and oily? Very ahh, distinct. Totally would not expect considering how his real character is like. Also his ‘King Engine’ here is a literal drum beat! (and not a heartbeat like how it is in the main anime eps)

Tatsumaki: “I know Zombieman doesn’t die when he gets killed!” (HAAAH referencing the ‘people die when they are killed’ meme, I can’t believe this XD) Zombieman: “Honestly it doesn’t bother me. This stuff happens all the time when you drink.” (HE’S SO CHILL OMG WTF. Treating getting stabbed like casual everyday shenanigans. :P) Everyone: “WHAT?!” Saitama: “Nuh-uh. Not at all.” (dude, exactly XD)

*Saitama and Genos, walking home in the sunset together* Saitama: “It was her, huh? The little brat caused all that trouble. You know, you gotta wonder why she’d do something so crazy.” Genos, internally: “…Unfortunately, that is likely your fault, Master.” *flashback* Tatsumaki: *offering Genos her drink* “I’m done~ Here. I just don’t like drinking, it tastes gross.” Saitama: *takes it away from Genos, scolding* “Of course you don’t like doing that! You’re still just a little kid! Stop trying to act so much like an adult, alright? You shouldn’t be drinking to begin with. Little kids should just have orange juice or something!” Tatsumaki: “WHAT!? Listen you–” Saitama: “I’ll go order one for you right now.” Genos, current time, internally: “Tornado’s pride got hurt, so in an act of retaliation, she forced herself to drink more, despite its flavor.” Saitama, beaming: “I gotta say, Genos! That hot spring sure felt great, didn’t it?!” Genos: “YES, MASTER!”

Ahaha! X’D Saitama can only view Tatsumaki as a child! And Genos, withholding such details from Saitama, while making sense of the whole fiasco for the audience. In any case, it’s great to see both our dorks HAPPY, side by side together. :’D 

Overall, VERY enjoyable and especially so to see how faithful the dub team kept to their characters, never holding back on the gay at all, either! ;D (what a blessing!) Recommended for anyone to see the ovas again, in this fresh, alternative perspective!  (special thanks to @dolltrash-etc for providing me with the links to study these, and showing me bits of her limited dvd release booklet! <333)

[umihoshi-art]

Witch Story Chapter 2

( Chapter 1 here )

Chapter 2 A rough start “Any news?” Amand held his coat in one arm. Both having just put it off and also ready to wear it again to head out. Opposite of the dimly lit room stood Queen Alice, her back to him, as she gazed out of the panorama window. She came to this tower more often to gaze upon Salem and think. There was little left of the gallant smile she wore at the party. She looked cold and deep in thought. “None.” she replied plainly, without averting her gaze from the scenery. Amand sighed diminished. “Where could she be?” He muttered to himself and walked up to stand next to the queen and look out the window. He saw the queen was holding a white rabbit. Nothing new to him. If she was not at any formal occasion, she would always carry this rabbit around and stroke it rhythmically. The bunny always seemed rather on edge. As if dreading what those slender pale hands could do in an unguarded moment. An effect Alice had on any living organism, honestly. Amand was perhaps the only person who could get this close to her majesty. Not so much because of his position, but more so his ignorance to the fear-inducing aura that Alice continuously emitted. ‘You’d need at least that amount of recklessness to hang around either of the Grimalkin sisters’, he always thought. But where Evangeline was an open book, Alice was impossible to read. Her stature was both composed and refined, no matter the occasion. 'A curious woman’, Amand mused to himself quite often. Even after having spend the majority of his life with Eve, Alice was barely around. Even before she became the queen, she was already reserved and always studying. He knew very little of her, even to this day. It intrigued him. And so, he could not resist to search for the borders of her patience, from time to time. “You seem awfully calm. Even though she’s your sister.” He implied. But the only response he got out of her was her closing her eyes and a smooth reply: “You as well, my dear brother. Even though she is your fiance.” Amand laughed a little uncomfortable. “Touche, your majesty.” They were both silent for a moment, before Amand continued: “That said, I’m actually really worried… it’s just easier to not show.” “Then you should also know how I feel.” the queen replied. Though Amand doubted these words. Alice didn’t seem to just mask her feelings, at least not the way Amand did. What was Evangeline to her majesty? Then again, as the Hermus Tresmegistus, the most powerful magician currently in living, she is probably more adapt to stress then anyone. “Before I’m off again, shouldn’t we hold a council meeting on this?” he asked, burying his previous thought for now. “That will not be needed.” Alice spoke resolute and curt. “Someone very capable is already on the move….”

It had been a long while since Evangeline had dreamed so wild and vivid. She figured the thief must have used something different from chloroform, since people don't normally dream when knocked out. Then what did he use? Could he do magic? Was he a witch? Then why would he steal from witches? She couldn't lay her finger on what the dream was about. Something from her childhood? Something about Alice? As she started to wake up bit by bit, she lost her grip on the fragments. But it felt like it had been something very important...... Evangeline opened her eyes and felt rather disorientated for a few moments. Closing her eyes again, she could at first only listen. She was somewhere very quiet. Back in the inner city that never sleeps, there were always sounds of buzzing crowds and vehicles. Shouting children, music, boats, things alike. But where she was now, it was dead silent. Yet after she gained a bit more focus, she could hear that wasn't quite so: She could hear the gentle blowing of the wind. A branch teasingly rasping past the window. She could even hear a few birds singing their song and the low ticking of a clock. Also, some small noises she couldn't really place. A sort of rustling pitter patter. She made another attempt to open her eyes and saw a white canopy above her head. She was laying on a bed. It was by far not as soft as the bed she's used to, but that was actually quite nice for a change. Evangeline secretly always hated sinking away so deep that she was hardly able of getting back up by herself. She turned her head to inspect the room. It was a really simple room, but it was clean and neat. Next to the bed, there was a small night cabin, a washing table, an old brown chair and a large white closet. There was a small window and Evangeline could see trees for as far as the eye could reach. “Forest in the middle of nowhere. Classic.” She muttered and held her head, feeling a pang of nausea and migraine well up. “Good morning. I see you're up.” she heard a voice coming from her right. She glanced over and the thief who had kidnapped her was leaning against the doorpost like he owns the place. (well, he does...) Still wearing the entire thief get-up and creepy birds mask, he looked terribly out of place in a homey space like this bedroom. “The 'good' part's debatable.” She rubbed her brow annoyed. “If you have energy to have backtalk, you seem fine to me.” “Maybe. But I'd feel all the better if you'd take me back home.” She retorted, not taking any of his remarks. “I plan to. As soon as possible, in fact. The less you know and shouldn't, the better.” She noticed he was holding his left arm for a bit. Did he wound it? Evangeline quite easily felt compassion or pity, but for now she could only think getting away would be easier if he could use only one arm. Then again, he was saying he'd bring her back... She swung her legs over the end of the bed and sat up, looking at him skeptically. “Then why did you get me here in the first place?” she asked. “It was either this or ripping your dress in front of a crowd. I may be a thief, but I have an image to keep. Who's brilliant idea was it to sew that necklace to your chest?” “Not mine??” In fact, why was it? It hadn't been stuck during the ceremony. So did it happen somewhere after it? She fondled the jewel. She could just move it around no problem. Strange... Had it been some anti-thieving spell? Then who placed it? Someone of security, maybe? Well, if that had been the case, it sure as hell backfired. Evangeline was in a whole lot more trouble now. The thief noted how the girl could move the necklace and asked: “Can you untie it?” She probably could. But it didn't take away that this jewel was an important heirloom to her. “Why would I?” she spoke rather hostile. “To hand it over.” “How about no?” “Why?” She glared at him. What an idiot. “Why would I give something important to some shady stranger? One who kidnapped me. And in a ridiculous outfit that gives me the shivers! You have no taste and are plain creepy.” Less annoyed then she thought he would be, he tilted his head and said: “What choice do you have?” Calm, but there was a slight undertone of threat in it. Evangeline hesitated to think of something, anything in her defense. “....I could stab you.” “With?” Evangeline couldn't think of anything at the moment, but she tried keeping her act of not being intimidated. “We'll have to see about that, won't we?” she smiled cocky. The thief didn't reply. Because of that stupid mask, there was no telling what expression he wore. But from his demeanor, Evangeline guessed he smirked in a patronizing way. Back at the party, he had just smiled without a word as well. He was a mystery. How could this be the same person? How could she have trusted him?? “I'm a gentleman,” yeah sure, “so I won't force it off you. But I can't let you go until you hand the artifact over.” He called it 'artifact'. Did he know of it's use? Does that mean he wasn't just stealing because they're jewels? Saying it like that made Evangeline curious to what the man was up to, but “I refuse.” and she continued: “I'll scream really loud.” The plague doctor sighed. “Will give me a headache at best. There's no one around in the next few kilometers.” 'That's a shame,' she thought and clicked her tongue, but went straight on to her next defense. Right, she had her trump card, even if it was a bluff: “I'm a witch. Who knows what I could do?” But that too, didn't seem to impressed him. “And you haven't yet, because?” “Well, maybe I just didn't know a useful spell for the situations?” “Fair enough,” There was a thick layer of skepticism in his voice, “But it will do you no good. If you kill me here, you won't know how to get home. Bottom line, nothing can be done then handing the stone over.” He continued: “Knowing your kind, you never left Salem. You know absolutely nothing of the world outside.” Again that patronizing ring in his voice. Evangeline huffed upset. “How insulting! It's just a few kilometers! It'll take a while, but I'll manage just fine!” “A while in which you have no food, water or means to know your direction. Face it, it won't work.” The thief seemed to need a moment to collect his mind and calm down. Evangeline was winning terrain, though she didn't get what about her finding her way back or not was getting to him. “I won't harm you...” He had found his cool back. “But until that jewel is destroyed, you won't be going back any time soon.” She clasped her hands over the jewel and gave him the cold shoulder. “I'm not handing it over.” It was silent for a moment. A kind of pressuring quiet in which either wouldn't yield. The Plague Doctor was the one to break the stalemate in the end: “.....very well. Then I'll let some time pass before persuading you once more.” He was planning to leave her be, then. But Evangeline was a sore loser. She hadn't played all her cards at hand yet and she wasn't going to just let him leave so easily. “I will cry.” She spoke dignified and cold. The Plague doctor raised his shoulders and dared reluctant: “Then cry.” After staring at each other for a moment, Evangeline's eyes welled up and tears started falling down her cheeks in a rapid tempo. Not in the slightest concerned, the thief commented: “You'd do well as an actress.” But Evangeline's tears wouldn't stop coming. She started sobbing and at some point wondered herself if she was really still faking it. She bit her quivering lip and made herself small. Her big golden eyes were puffy and her cheeks flushed with sadness. The thief let her be like that for a while, but in the end he sighed in defeat and handed her a handkerchief. “Look.” He was holding back his temper the best he could. Or rather, a sense of distress. “I didn't mean for any of this to happen. Preferably, I'd have you back before nightfall... But I CAN'T let you go when you have that jewel! That thing is dangerous and it'd be better for you to not have it at all!” Calm and gracious, Evangeline took the handkerchief and without a single crack in her voice she asked quite plainly: “And why is it dangerous?” Evangeline could almost literally hear a vein pop with her captor, a true moment of euphoria to her. The man heaved a sigh that Evangeline fondly likes to call the 'sigh of suppressed seething rage'. But he collected himself disappointingly fast and bowed for her courteously. “Do excuse my late introduction. I am who they call 'the Plague Doctor'. And as it is, I'm out to steal certain gems like the one you're holding. That isn't just any stone that would fetch a pretty price on the black market. The Artifact stones of the numerous witch families hold a force that grands them immensely wicked powers. Powers that are far too easily abused and should not be messed with. As we speak, witches from all over the land use this power for their own greed and sadistic enjoyment to needlessly torment human lives for the sole reason that they hold no magic to fight them. In the wrong hands, that stone would be responsible for the deaths of 1000's of innocents.” Evangeline couldn't help herself and sputtered a laugh. “Excuse me??” He sounded ridiculous. What did he want her to do with all that information? This was so surreal. But the Plague Doctor wasn't about to tell her it was a joke and she was supposed to laugh. He stood tall and dark in front of her. He whispered beneath his breath: “..I knew it....” “Knew what?” Evangeline stopped laughing abruptly and got an eerie feeling of the sudden change in his behavior. Quite the unsettling change. Evangeline had maybe only ever felt her sister be this pressuring. The thief spoke in an icey voice: “Yeah... You're a witch afterall. Is the death of 'beings below you' something to laugh about? Is someone standing up to 'higherups' that kill on a whim, funny to you?” His voice was calm as ever. But it felt like his voice build up with anger after every word. He concluded, in another soar whisper: “Witches are monsters...” Evangeline was dumbfounded. Up until now, she hadn't realized how serious this person in front of her was. Something was going on that was a whole lot bigger then some awkward thief stealing pretty stones and getting himself a kidnapped princess because he messed up. There was so much hate in him....? “Alright. I'm listening,” she spoke more seriously, “but how do I know yóú don't have bad plans with them?” She was too late, though. The man was no longer so much as willing to negotiate. “That is no concern of you... 'Witch'.” Evangeline gulped. He spoke the word 'witch' as if it was something disgusting to him. It was new to her. But somehow, being hated simply for what she was born as... felt aweful. The Plague Doctor turned away from her and headed for the door. “You will stay in this room until you hand that killing tool over. That is the end of the discussion.” “And if I don't?” the girl had wished to still sound very brave, but the strength in her voice faltered. “.....We'll see.” With that, he closed the door. Evangeline sat in silence for a while, staring into nothing. She was telling herself she still had things in control, but she was starting to figure she'd gotten herself in a big mess. And it wasn't just about her and the artifact 'Eden'... She might have bumped upon something that concerns the entire country. Were the artifacts really used for evil? Well, for starters, she knows it's some dark form of energy.... but isn't it a good thing that it is sealed and used for a better purpose? And how can she be sure this guy is telling the truth? No, maybe Evangeline herself was at fault for this.... she had never stopped to wonder about these things and had just taken them as they came. Believing the world around her all thought alike and was in little trouble. That was far too naive for a princess. Just what should she believe? The girl stood up. Nothing was going to happen if she was going to stay sitting and pondering. For starters, she had to get out of here, before the thief would take Eden away from her. Alice......If she could talk about this with Alice, sure her sister would know what to do about it. Her big sister could tell how much is true about the thief's story. And if it were true, they could do something about it.... she and Alice together... Evangeline went to explore the room to see if she could use anything to escape. No time to waste. She started with the closet. To her surprise, it was unlocked. And even more surprising, there were dresses in it. For a second, the thought of the Plague Doctor being some radical maniac and fetishist passed her mind. But on closer inspection, the dresses were various sizes and some seemed to be props, rather then casual wear. Something along the line of theater outfits? Or maybe disguises? She resisted to entertain the thought of the thief wearing these outfits. 'No no, no way~' She couldn't help but snicker. But back to focus. Eve thought how she could maybe rip pieces of fabric to make a rope. But before she could do that, she'd have to check if there was a way out. Turning from the closet, she headed to the window she had vaguely registered before. But disappointingly, it opened just a few centimeter. And even if she'd smash the glass, it was too small for her to fit through. Even without the ridiculously poofy ball-dress that she was still wearing... Looking out the window, she saw the room was on the first floor and the house stood hidden among trees on a hill. No other houses in sight for as far as she could see. Looking down, she saw grass grew around the bottom with various wild flowers haphazardly spread around. She spotted a few birds, even a squirrel. It was a sunny summer morning. 'what a pleasant place, wouldn't it be for this situation,' she thought to herself and dropped back on the bed. 'Looks like it's really in the middle of nowhere...' she clicked her tongue and held her head. 'This headache's not helping either... Just what am I to do? “You know my sis is the one who has Aurora, right? Not me?” She called out, thinking the thief might still be around. No reply, of course. Figures. “Just making sure.” She mused to no one in particular. She sat up. Even if he wasn't listening, if she was loud enough it would reach him. So she raised her voice some more: “look. We can't negotiate if not all parties are aware of the situation. Frankly, I have no idea what I got caught up in. it's very frustrating! I'm a reasonable person! we can talk?” Still no reaction. At this volume, could she just break the door down without him responding? Haha, probably won't work... She continued, lowering her voice again. The things she was saying were also just something she wanted to hear herself say. To stay calm. And justify herself. “this is just very absurd and confusing to get caught up in... I pardon my rudeness before. But can you understand my feelings?” Doubting for a moment, she got up and tried the door. Was he really not around? Did he just leave her here? She started as she heard a rustling from behind the door. A whole lot closer then she had expected. So.. he had heard her? How embarrassing. But the rustling disappeared off in the distance, the source leaving. Door still locked. Evangeline clicked her tongue. “Too bad.” She sat on the ground and dropped on her back to stare at the ceiling. Maybe she could think better like that. But all it brought her was her headache worsening. After some time passing, there came a knock to the door. Evangeline hadn't left the ground and had her face covered with her arm, hoping the skin could cool her front head. “Yes?” She spoke halve grumpy. “I doubt it'll suit your taste, but I brought you something to eat...” The princess laughed both charming and sarcastic. “how sweet of you, but I decline.” The thief replied in similar charm: “Hunger strike, is it?” “That. And can't be sure what's in there.” She sat up and glanced at the door. She heard her kidnapper sigh audible. “may I come in?” “You may.” She heard the rustling of the lock as he spoke further: “I can eat a part of it to prove it's not poisoned.” “who knows, maybe it's a slow poison, and you'll take the antidote later.” The thief showed up in the door opening with a tray. He had changed outfit, but the birdmask was still very much there. “you're more cunning then I am.” he sounded almost impressed. “Why thank you.” She didn't sound very heartfelt, though. There was definitely an air of hostility among the two of them. But also some weird sense of fondness. The type you'd have with a classmate who you tease back and forth. Evangeline expected a lot from kidnappings, but certainly not this. “This is your first time kidnapping someone, huh?” He closed the door firmly and put the tray down. “What gave you that idea?” Eve shrugged. “The service. Plus you're incredibly easy. I always imagined during a hostage to be escorted by brainless lackeys, not the big bad himself. You work solo, huh?” He ignored her prying, continuing where he left. “I cant force you to eat it. But it's best when it's still warm.” There was a glass of milk, warm bread, jam and cheese. Overall, it looked plain and in-suspicious. “the thought is appreciated.” She declined, though. Evangeline could guess he rolled his eyes as he scoffed under his breath: “Princess...” score is 3 for that princess, 0 for the lousy master thief, though. “Anyway, we need to talk.” She spoke more earnest, but he cut her to the case: “I apologize for my rude behavior from before... you must be scared, so it's not weird that you're uncomfortable.” “suspicious is a better word.” She frowned. “I'm confused about this whole thing. Explain.” “Yeah..” he replied a tad uncomfortable, but dormant. “where do you want me to start?” She shrudged exasperated. “I'm very lost here, buddy. Your pick.” The Plague doctor tilted his head and replied matter-of-factly: “then I pick not explaining anything.” He was gloating. She could tell. Okay then, 3-1 for the petty thief. “Pffft. Proof I can trust you!” She stated pointedly and crossed her arms. “I'm willing to negotiate if you have valid points.” “frankly, I can't.” Since Evangeline was still on the floor, the thief grabbed a chair to sit across her. “I'm not exactly best friends with witches, so there's no reason why you should be an exception.” He continued: “but I believe there's nothing as filthy as 'result justifies any means'. It wouldn't make me any better then them. so I won't hurt you.” “I can respect that.” At the very least, he sound sincere. “What's wrong with witches? Is there corruption?” “corruption is a mild expression, princess.” “Clarify... -please.” He was quiet for a while. Possibly considering what he could and couldn't tell her. “ 'Witches are building a better world' is the popular slang in Salem. But they try to reach that over the back of humans. For example, there are many professions that are illegal for humans.” “Like what? Politicians?” “Actors. Civil servants. Journalists. Teachers. Priests. Doctors are very tightly screened as well.” Eve tried to figure out for herself what could be harmful about these, but she couldn't think of anything. “Why those?” “Spreading of opinions. Every word that could cause witches to be shown in a bad daylight is cut down. Witches are incredibly powerful. But they still fear humans. Can you guess why?” “ 'The Beatrice Tragedy'? The disaster from a decade ago.... But humans DID cause that, right?? A lot of witches died because of them! My parents--.... My grandmother, the previous queen, died too that day.” The plague doctor nodded. “Yet there's no actual proof humans were the cause of any of that. None the less, witches responded with an irrational hate for humans. 142 people died during the disaster. Of which 10 high politicians. But after that, a rough 3000 human civilians were hunted down on suspicion of treason.” Eve stared in shock and had to process what this means for a moment. 3000 civilians. That's almost 4 times the people working in the palace. “But...but my sister would never do something like that, right?” “The current queen,” the thief's voice sounded incredibly sour at those words, “didn't actively give orders like this herself. But she never stopped it either. War criminals go unpunished. After she ascended the throne, things did calm down in Salem. But even then, humans remain second rated citizens. There's not the slightest of reason for her to bother. And so, humans are left to fend for themselves. The foundation of witchcraft and lore dictates 2 different laws for humans and witches. Example: For stealing a bread, a witch is fined 50 silver Bells. A human loses a hand... Poverty remains. Girls much younger then you are forced into prostitution. some families have to catch mice to not starve. taxes are impossible to pay. But not as impossible as medicine. With the rarity of doctors, there are diseases eating away on small children. Witches are very much aware that they are better then others. and believe they have more right to live. But that's not the worse... “People.... 'humans', that is... They disappear in that city...” “Disappear? Why?” He glanced over to her. “Test subjects... to call one thing.” Evangeline's face turned paler at every word. But the thief had to tell her. She had to know just what has been happening while she was save inside the castle walls. Still, the Plague Doctor doubted to continue. “There are--... witches who enjoy keeping humans as pets. I'm sure that's not an exceptional matter.....” “you mean like slaves?” “No. 'Pets'. Not considered an intelligent life form with a will. Or to eat them. Livestock if you will. Human meat is considered a delicacy among some...” Evangeline covered her mouth, a rush of nausea overwhelming her. “What?? What!!??” Coming at this point of horror, her kidnapper didn't stop any longer, but continuing in a cold monotone voice: “to witches, human must be nothing more then some form of sick entertainment.... something to be laughed at....” Eve's cheeks flushed and she quickly averted her eyes in guilt. He knew he was being a jerk. But this truth had to be said for her to understand just how grave the situation is. “I.... I don't know what to say... I'm so sorry you've been through all those things.” “ 'been through'... suggests it's a thing of the past.” “y-you know what I mean!” “I don't...” They were both anxiously quiet for a while. Evangeline could almost physically feel how bitter and hostile this man was at the moment. She didn't want to believe any of this. She wanted to shout that he was lying! She wanted to run off and have someone, ANYONE tell her things were alright! She wanted to see Amand or Alice! And never meet any human ever again! But she knew. She knew it from the memories of her brightly colored history book. From the lighthearted chats about humans she had heard at parties. Phrases like 'ow, they're just humans.'... Certain seemingly innocent books, written by humans, are considered forbidden literature... Was there.... ever a dish on the table she wasn't sure of what it was? And she knew from the tone in his voice. She knew how deeply broken he must be. How someone who clearly wasn't cut out for acting like a terrorist, was driven to become like this: He was telling the truth. “I don't get it.. all of that is terrible! Alright humans are...humans. But still people with feelings? That's just wrong!” “ 'alright, humans are humans'.....do you hear what you're saying?” He spoke gravely and bitterly calm, without facing her. Evangeline gulped, but nodded. He was right. Without her even knowing, racism might have already slipped into her mindset long ago. He asked: “Do you think you're better then humans?” “....Maybe.” She answered truthfully. “but humans should still be respected! you're still people! You're just... different?” He sighed heavyhearted and they were both silent for a while again. A very sad silence. “...But well...” Eve started doubtfully, “ 'better' or something like that.. what good of a witch am I really? I can't even use any magic, so how much 'better' am I from you, then?” He looked up, but the information didn't seem to phase him. Did he already know? Still, he wasn't going to be more compassionate right away: “You still come from a good family.  You grow up in that society none the less.” “Yeah, I guess. But I'm a disgrace for this bloodline. they wanted something like my sister, but got... well, me.” The thief stared at her for a long while. She could only guess what expression he wore behind that mask. She must be stupid. Starting about things that bothered her for all this time to a criminal. What were here little inferiority problems to oppression? But she couldn't shake that they were somehow similar. Not belonging anywhere. Alone. With an ache in her throat, she spoke the thought she had ignored desperately all this while: “maybe they're glad I'm gone.” Before he could reply, Evangeline shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. No, this wasn't like her! She had to man up! She jumped up from the ground and stood fiercely, pridefully. As befit of the proud Grimalkin family. “I see your point. but I can't just simply trust you.” The thief sat back and even though she tried playing tough, he somehow seemed more relaxed. “Fair enough.” He replied. “I mean, you're still a stranger that drugged and kidnapped me for suspicious reasons!” The man hummed a bit troubled. “yes, well. Sorry... I didn't really have a choice there.” The tone in his voice grew back to the way he was when she met him at the party. Not really knowing what to do with the positive change in attitude after all that stress, she got pissed. “Yes you did! this just happened to be the best you could think of.” “Well, if you had preferred trashing around and us falling to our deaths, then I suppose.” He shrugged. “You could've just ripped it off, or assassinate me and take it, but you chose this.” She exasperatedly gestured at herself. “Look at this! I'm 1.50m! how tough can it be? Just lift me and away we go!” “You'd still be struggling, dear.” He spoke both cynical and comical. “Besides, it'd be a problem if you witnessed the entire trip to my evil layer.” “Option 3: you could've just dumped me in the middle of nowhere.” “Now that's just cruel!” He exclaimed, more shocked then she thought he would be. “But still very possible.” she shrugged. “No.” He spoke firmly, leaving Eve to raise her eyebrow. “Why not?” “Because--...” He paused, rather uptight. “well... I didn't want you to get hurt or anything.” She gawked at him like seeing water burn. “Not my business, but.... You REALLY suck at this kidnapping thing. Giving you a 2 out of 10.” “a-Anyway,” he sounded flustered, “that thing was still stuck to your dress, so I couldn't just drop you!” “Well, isn't that too bad? Now you won't get it at all.” “I've got time.” She pried on the jewel to see if it still wouldn't come lose. Surprisingly, it did. Now that it was lose, she dropped it down her bosom. He gaped at her dumbfounded, lost for words. “...you do know I could just assault you, right?” “No, you wouldn't~” Eve smiled ear to ear. “............you've seen that right! but you're really lucky I won't!!” He raised his hands both snarky and in defeat. “Oh, dear. You really are easy to toy with.” The thief huffed annoyed, but couldn't help but to laugh after a little. Evangeline couldn't drop her defenses just yet. But this felt pretty damn amusing. “I'm off.” the man pouted, heading for the door. “I'll come back later. tell me then if you need anything.” He added: “and no, that doesn't include me letting you go.” Eve snapped her finger. “Foiled again.” “tough luck, princess.” “Then, how about...” she thought for a moment. “letting me out of the room but in the house?” Asking it, she didn't really expect to have a chance. But none the less, he replied: “I'll consider.” And closed the door behind him. --- Mist at the end of June is a rarity. None the less, the outskirts of Salem were engulfed throughout the majority of the day. An eerie kind of mist, that would hide monsters from mortal eyes, leaving them to roam around as they please. And one such monster stood at the deserted square. A massive man, completely clad in black. Hidden underneath a classy tophat was a face wrapped in bandages. The only indication that he was not a beast were the eyes that were uncovered. Steel blue and cold. But the small area of skin surrounding them that wasn't covered by bandaged looked scorched and burnt. If he was anything resembling a man, he would be somewhere in his forties. Seasoned and worn. But something in his eyes was still very alive. It almost seemed like this gloomy person was the one emitting the mist screen. As he awaited, peering into the clouded distance, for some unseen enemy. A second figure approached him. Equally tall, but slender. Where the first man seemed to be a figure from a mysterious horror story, the other was like an exotic prince from an eastern fairytale, less then halve the age of the elder. His demeanor was calm and serene, but something seemed unpleasant and untrustworthy about him. His skin was dark, with golden markings. But his short hair was pale white. He walked barefooted, but the stones didn't cut his skin. Even though he was dressed lightly, he wore thin leather gloves that he adjusted nervous-habitually from time to time. Due to being dressed as this, he shivered as he approached the misty figure. “It's the middle of summer, but it's still freezing whenever you're around, mr. Moriarty. Can't you do anything about it?” “No.” The other spoke briskly, but with a clearer and more solemn voice than one would expect of his posture. The one with the golden markings in turn, sounded to be a lot more juvenile and carefree then his appearance gave away. “Come, Scaliwag.” The elder man spoke, turning off to leave the square. He was a man who disliked to wait unless it was necessary and with the lost princess' life at stake, there was no time to spare. Alastor Moriarty was a man of logics over feeling, but his loyalty to the royal family far exceeded anyone. The younger, Midas Scaliwag, had only recently joined the witch council, but this was the first time he had seen his already creepy colleague this unpleased. Midas strut along, passing mr. Moriarty, since he knew just as well where they were heading: the major's house. Well, even if it was said he was the major, it wasn't like a human had a lot of deciding to do in the Salem outskirts. The actual person in charge of all human affairs was this same Midas Scaliwag. Said youngster knocked the door with an air of carelessness. There came no reply for a moment, until hesitatingly, a frightened and worn woman opened the door. The fear on her face at least doubled as she saw the two man in front of the door. Holding her breath and tongue, she stood aside to let them in. Ignoring the effect he had on the woman, Midas entered the residence. It was ramshackle and dark, with a man sitting bend over at the hearth. What caught the eye immediately as one entered was a golden statue in the middle of the room. It was the image of a young girl, 7 or 8 in age, innocence on her face and her thin hand outstretched. But both the man and woman did not dare look upon it. “what.... what is it?” The major spoke, suppressing the bitterness in his voice. “We're looking for someone.” Moriarty spoke plainly, and Midas held a drawn picture of princess Evangeline out to the master of the house. Upon being approached by Midas, the man leaped back, nearly burning himself to the fire. “s-stay back!” He exclaimed. “Not? Then how about this one?” And Midas showed another drawing, this time of the Plague Doctor. The major shook his head vigorously. “he-- t-that thief's go nothing to do with humans! He uses magic! He's got to be one of your kind!” “Now now...” Midas smiled. “What an attitude, mister major. 'your kind'? You wound me... If I recall correctly, last time you were more than keen to please me. You thought I could make you a rich man and as promised:” Midas gestured to the golden statue, “I made you realize just how rich you are.” The woman could no longer control herself and started sobbing: “my child... my child!!” She tried to rush to Midas to attack him, but was blocked by an invisible wall. “My, how mysterious.... no tricks, no gimmicks...” Spoke Moriarty mockingly. “NO! My wife!” the major rushed over to her. “Don't worry. This spell can be undone as soon as we leave. Unlike the one on your gold daughter.” saying this, Midas shrugged as Moriarty gave him a look. It didn't really matter if they knew or not,  though to mr. Moriarty it showed there was still a lot of naivety in Midas' set of mind towards humans. The major sank to his knees against the invisible wall. “the thief is to be caught dead or alive by anyone, that order went out last time. I don't know anything about the girl. I swear...” “I see. Not really useful.” Midas fingered his gloves again, looking lost in thought at the statue. Moriarty headed back to the door, undoing the spell on the wife without a further glance. “Let's go. We're wasting our time.” “Got it, sir.” Midas rubbed the frozen little girl over the head before following with a spring in his feet. “You lost your patience last time, Scaliwag.” Spoke the fellow witch council member. “m'bad. I couldn't really help myself... I hate greedy humans. I'm sure the girl's better of like this, then with parents who prefer gold over her life. She's loved now.” the man in bandages shrugged. “Useless sentiment... If you'd ask me I hate ALL humans.”        

[robininthelabyrinth]

Coldwave fic prompt: Len is a ninja

Fic: Ninja Moves (Ao3 Link)Fandom: Legends of TomorrowPairing: Mick Rory/Leonard Snart, minor Mick Rory/Leonard Snart/Sara Lance, Mick/the concept of ninjas

Summary: Leonard Snart gets picked up by the League of Shadows as a teenager to be trained as a ninja.

The League should have known better.

(Mick approves.)

————————————————————————

They meet in juvie.

Len decides that this man, this Mick, is going to be his partner, always and forever. He’s very sure of it; he’s certain. And when Leonard Snart is certain, he doesn’t let anything get in his way.

It’s after, when Len goes home, to find his father indebted to the wrong sort of mobster – the type that isn’t, actually, a mobster at all – and himself and Lisa delivered to a plane which takes them far, far away to the middle of nowhere, that it occurs to him that there may be a slight problem with his plan.

“And what does the League of Shadows want with a teenager and a toddler?” Len asks skeptically.

“We will train you.”

“Yes, but why?”

“You will be able to go places where we cannot.”

Len sighs.

Well, at least he has Lisa.

He’ll just have to put in a bit more effort into getting back to Mick, is all.

———————————————————–

“You don’t leave the Legion of Shadows!”

“I’m not leaving,” Len says soothingly. “I’m – blending. Like you said, you need us to be able to blend in, right? Now I’ve achieved master class, good enough to be teaching youngsters, and Lisa’s a youngster, but she’s finally old enough to go to normal person school. For which we need to be back in the States. She’ll never be able to blend if she doesn’t have an American public school education.”

“…how necessary, exactly, is such an education? Can we not provide it here?”

“Certainly not,” Len says. “Are you kidding? There’s a reason no one trusts you people, and it has nothing to do with your ninja-ness. It’s all to do with the fact that you have literally no idea what I’m talking about when I shout ‘Macarena’.”

“…you have yet to explain what that is.”

“Some things cannot be explained with words,” Len says solemnly in the tone of one quoting the great sages’ wisdom. “Only understood in the heart.”

“You will keep up your exercises, and your sisters as well.”

“Naturally.”

“And your devotions – your asceticism –”

“In order to show the extent of my devotion, I will eat nothing but water and noodles made of cardboard for a year,” Len promises.

“Very well.”

They get on the plane from the nearest airport to Nanda Parbat.

“Are you ever gonna tell them you actually like microwavable Ramen?” Lisa asks him.

“I don’t think they really need to know that,” Len says. “Besides, you are going to eat like a normal second grader.”

“Do I gotta go to second? I’ll be a year behind.”

“Socialization is important, Lise. You certainly didn’t get any there.”

“…the lizards were nice.”

————————————————————————

It takes, as expected, about a year to find Mick.

Mick has gotten tall.

And broad shouldered.

And his eyes – and his face – and his arms – and –

Wow, Len is really happy that years of moderately covert Judaism in the face of the overwhelming force of surrounding Christianity taught him to be able to fake his way through religious devotion, because otherwise he might’ve done something really stupid like converted to whatever the hell the League of Shadows believes and taken a vow of chastity or something. And that would’ve just been a crying shame.

As it is, he’s delighted to report that Mick is just as happy to see him as he is him.

“Thought you said we were gonna be partners,” Mick says. “Then I couldn’t find you.”

“We’re gonna be partners,” Len says firmly. “I just got tied up in some other obligations, that’s all.”

“Anything I need to worry about?”

“Nah,” Len says.

———————————————————————

Mick likes ninja movies.

A lot.

Lisa likes them too, which is worse. She shows Mick all sorts of cool ninja moves – the baby ones, for training – after they’re done.

“She’s very clever,” Mick tells Len. “Where’d she pick up on all that martial arts?”

“It’s complicated,” Len says, and moves their League training sessions to early morning when Mick sleeps in.

———————————————————————-

“You are a thief?!” the head of Len’s squad yowls at him through the crackling phone line.

“You said to pick a career I’d be comfortable with,” Len points out.

“We didn’t mean that!”

“Lisa’s thinking engineering. You know, when she finishes middle school, high school, and college. That’s nice and legit.”

“That’s more along the lines of what we were thinking, yes!”

“Hey, I have to pay for her to do the whole middle school-high school-college thing. Also, how did it take you four years to figure out that I was a thief?”

“We heard rumors of your prowess even here,” Len’s squad leader admits reluctantly.

“Aww,” Len says. “Thanks.”

“That was not intended as a compliment.”

“I’m very creative like that,” Len says peacefully, and hangs up.

——————————————————————–

“We’ve been kidnapped by ninjas!” Mick exclaims.

“Happy anniversary,” Len says.

“This is so cool!”

Len smiles.

“Are they going to do ninja torture stuff?” Mick asks. He almost looks hopeful.

Oh, Mick.

“No,” Len says. “They’re just going to yell. A lot.”

He pauses and thinks about it.

“There may also be some paperwork,” he adds, only a little resentfully. League bureaucracy is the worst, and whoever’s currently on Ra’s shit list gets to be the one making a dent in the giant piles thereof.

“Still,” Mick says. “Ninjas!”

————————————————————————–

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were a ninja,” Mick sulks.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell him you were a League of Shadows member,” Len’s squad leader says, somewhat insultingly.

“I can’t believe this is a conversation that is happening right now,” Ra’s al Ghul says, definitely insultingly. “You are a terrible disciple, Leonard.”

“Well, yeah,” Len says. “You get what you paid for with my dad. That was – nothing, right?”

“You’re very talented,” Ra’s continues thoughtfully, totally ignoring Leonard. “Strangely loyal in some ways – you continued to teach your sister, as instructed, and you did not tell even your closest loved one about your membership –”

“Aww,” Mick says. “I’m your closest loved one?”

“Obviously,” Len says, smiling at him.

“…as disturbingly adorable as this is, we still must decide what to do with you,” Ra’s says. “You are clearly not fit for the League proper.”

“You wanted me to blend,” Len points out. “I blended.”

“Fuck blending,” Mick says. “You practically food processored yourself into Central City.”

“Very disturbing metaphor, thanks Mick,” Len says.

“Central City puree, that’s you,” Mick says gleefully. “Can I go play with the ninja stars now?”

“No,” Len’s squad leader says.

“Mick can probably figure out how to make Greek fire from those old parchment papers your archivists keep complaining they can’t read right,” Len says. “He can make fire outta anything.”

“Hmm,” Ra’s says.

——————————————————————————

“Len,” Ra’s says on the phone. “I have another student for you.”

“She willing to come to Central?” Len asks, phone wedged between his shoulder and his ear as he picks the safe lock with both hands.

“Yes, we will send her – how did you know it was a ‘her’?”

“Because you’ve been complaining about Nyssa recently,” Len replies. “Specifically about her so-called ‘paramour’, not that that’s a word anyone uses anymore. And Nyssa is gay, gay, gay.”

“That is not true.”

“It takes one to know one, Ra’s. There are circles more straight than Nyssa.”

“She will do her duty –”

“Ra’s. Unless her duty involves artificial insemination by her very female partner, you’re really shit out of luck here.”

“You are a very strange person, Len.”

“Yes, and you love me,” Len says with the smugness of the first person in three centuries to successfully steal the fabled helmet of fate and the first in even longer not to be tempted by its powers, opting instead to return it to its proper place of pride in Nanda Parbat. The League loves him. “What’s her name?”

“Ta-er al-Usfar. She will arrive shortly.”

“When you say shortly, do you mean in a few days, a few months, a few hours…?”

“Hours.”

“Hmm.”

“That is an unusual reaction, Len. What reason do you – are those sirens?”

“Yes,” Len says. “And the tinkling sound you hear are diamonds leaving their safe and coming into the bag with me as we leave.”

“…right,” Ra’s sighs. “I will not ask.”

“You send me students, I have to pay for them somehow,” Len says reasonably.

“You didn’t even know I was sending her to you!”

“You can’t prove I didn’t,” Len says cheerfully.

—————————————————————-

“Greetings,” the girl says, her back straight, her eyes hard, her hands behind her back in perfect parade ground rest.

She sees this as a punishment.

“You understand that you are mine to do with as I wish,” Len tells her in the language of the League, stalking around her. “My student, my rules – even more so here, in the land of decadence, than in Nanda Parbat. I have no limitations; you have only one: to do as I command you to do. Do you understand this?”

Her lips grow tighter. “I understand,” she says. She understands but does not agree; she suspects that he will try to order her to his bed.

Len idly wonders if she’d stab him immediately if he asked, or if she’d wait until a weaker moment. Probably the latter: she looks sneaky.

“Great,” he says. “Your first mission is to go shopping with my sister Lisa.”

This is not what she expected.

She signals that she wishes to ask a question.

Len nods his consent.

“Shopping for…what?” she asks tentatively.

She is a very skilled warrior, given how few years she’s been in training. It has probably been a long time, in her mind, since she’s been obliged to ask a question.

“Clothing,” Len says. “Possibly shoes.” He shrugs. “Damned if I know what the hell she does in the mall that takes hours and costs an arm and a leg. If you don’t like shopping, tough. If you don’t do it, I have to, and I hate shopping. If I could find a profession that meant I had to wear the same uniform every time, I’d be happy.”

She is staring.

“Oh,” Len adds. “Do you actually like Ta-er al-Usfar as a name? Because if so I’ll use it, no problem, or whatever other name you prefer, but if you don’t mind, I’ll short it to something like Ta’er or Tziporah or something for my convenience. My partner, Mick – we’re married, it’s recent and it’s great, so don’t try anything – you’re not going to have any luck with, warning in advance. He nicknames everybody.”

“Is this a test?” she asks, eyes wide.

“No,” Len says. “I don’t really go in for tests, honestly. Oh, you mean one of Ra’s’? Nah. I’m pretty sure he just wants you out of sight, out of mind when it comes to his daughter.”

“He doesn’t object to her making me her Beloved,” she points out.

“Good for him,” Len says. “I’m glad the pro-LGBT parenthood pamphlets I keep sending him are having an impact.”

She chokes a little.

“Yes, I’m really sending them,” Len says. “He owes me and he knows it, so I get some, uh, extra latitude. Here’s a credit card. Please go bother Lisa now.”

She’s gaping.

Len wonders if there’s anything else he should remember to say.

“Oh, yes,” he adds, turning back to look at her before he walks out the door. “One more thing. If you’re going to sleep with my sister, you’d better be upfront with your intentions. Sex is fine; play with her heart, and I will kill you so incredibly dead you won’t even realize you’re hitting the floor.”

With that said, he nods and leaves.

He opts not to mention that Lisa has all the training he has and can probably do it herself if she wants to. This way keeps his big brother cred intact, and anyway, Lisa likes to surprise people with that.

——————————————————————–

Len drops down from the ceiling, his face covered in a black mask that covers all but his eyes, which are painted black. His clothing is equally dark, not quite black but not quite anything else, either; dark enough to blend into the shadows properly.

He stalks his prey.

The target does not realize he is coming; his instincts only alert him to the fact he is not alone in the heartbeat before Len strikes – enough time for his heartbeat to speed up, the fear beginning to pump through his nervous system, lighting it up with adrenaline, but not enough time for him to even turn around to see who has found him.

Len strikes.

The pressure points are easy targets in such a large man; his arms are immobilized within seconds, his knees kicked out from under him, his body pushed down onto the bed he had been standing in front of.

It is a moment’s work to bind his useless hands to the headboard. Another moment, and his legs are bound to the posts at the bottom.

Len does not intend that his work be disturbed by thrashing.

He looms over his victim.

Let them see whose hands fate has delivered them into.

“Best ninja husband ever,” Mick says dreamily.

Len smirks.

—————————————————————–

“Should I be pretending that I don’t know you?” Sara asks at the bar in the 1970s while Mick is getting them drinks. “I wasn’t sure.”

“Leave it for now,” Len decides. “Always good to have an ace in the hole.”

“So, supervillains, huh?” she asks, smirking.

“Says the superhero?” he teases. “I’m glad to see you got out of the League.”

“I used everything you taught me,” she says, smiling ruefully. “Do you know how long it took me to finally realize that’s what you were teaching me?”

“Yes, I do,” Len says. “Remember – I was there. For every. painful. minute. of. it.”

Mick brings them beer.

“So, you’ve graduated,” he tells Sara. “Wanna have a threesome?”

Sara blinks.

“I thought you said he was off-limits!” she hisses at Len.

“He was, while you were my student,” Len says peacefully. “Now you’re not – you’re not even in the League anymore. No pressure, of course; I hear you’re mostly into girls nowadays.”

“Mostly into girls is one thing,” she says. “Mostly being the key word.”

“Three cheers for bisexuality,” Len replies, holding up his beer.

“And threesomes,” Sara adds, raising her own.

“And ninjas,” Mick says happily, clinking their glasses with his own.

——————————————————————–

“Indeed, as the leader of the League of Shadows -” Merlyn starts.

Len snorts.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“No, really, what was that about?”

“You say that like I’m supposed to be scared of it,” Len says.

“You should be,” Merlyn says, looming a little over where Len is bound to the chair in a dank 1920s Chicago basement. “If you knew more – if you knew about what the League is capable of – you would be.”

Len waits until Merlyn’s looming right above him, then he stands up and hits Merlyn in the throat, disabling him in one hit.

“You can’t bind a shadow,” he drawls in the language of the League, then switches back to English to add, “And also, underestimating people? Such an old-school villain trope. I mean, seriously. The looming, the speechifying, all that – gotta say, I’m not impressed.”

“You’re League?” Merlyn gasps, his hands wrapped around his throat.

“I was Ra’s’ favorite thief,” Len says. “Now that he’s dead, I’m not.”

His hands move quickly. Pressure points on the neck and the back of the head: Merlyn is unconscious within seconds.

“Still dangerous, though,” Len says, then smiles. “Now where is that image inducer gadget I heard you and Thawne talking about earlier?”