#I’m non-binary myself and didn't take issue with it but I'm also just one person. idk what other people think | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

meraki-yao · 5 months

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You don't have to post it if you don't want to, you can also block me or delete it's ok, I just need to vent because this situation is hitting rock bottom and I can't stand how people don't want to see the problem:

In short: there is a video of the q&a where the female producer gets Casey pronouns wrong when talking about them. It's totally ok to point this out and give respect that Casey deserves BUT who was given the main blame? Taylor obviously, despite him also using the right pronouns during the panel, is guilty of not correcting the woman in front of everyone so he's bad again.

But this time we're not talking about that handful of idiot Nick fans, we're talking about the rwrb fandom that says they love him so much but once again for the umpteenth time they threw him under the bus without thinking twice even though he had no fault. And it will be the third time that the same fandom has exaggerated something against him, subsequently causing serious problems ( like racism and homophobia and doxxing which took place in december where everyone then washed their hands of it pretending nothing happened and they did nothing wrong)

And I'm so tired of reading that we just have to ignore that social because that social is the most active and followed and we know Taylor a few days ago saw stuff and posted and today Casey saw and posted a story. That social causes damage and everything they bring there is seen and affects all of them. So no it's not enough to ignore and put our hands over our eyes and just talk about how beautiful the sky is and I'm so tired and sad and heartbroken because every day even unconsciously they make it more and more evident that there isn't the same affection and respect for both, it's not true, one will always be seen with a critical eye "yes you are beautiful, perfect, so sexy, wow how beautiful these photos BUT you are a bit problematic, BUT you should be better than that, BUT you should learn better, oh disappointed but not surprised" and it is obviously always the poc man who has to be better who has to do better even when he does absolutely nothing wrong.

And this comes from the people who say they follow him and love him. It's no longer possible, that man has been attacked every single day for months, now he must also fall into the transphobic category because he didn't correct another person in front of everyone even though HE had used the right pronouns. But do we realize that this shit fucks up your mental health in the long run? But why doesn't anyone realize how serious the situation is? I cannot take it anymore and I feel like I'm screaming into the void and witnessing the moment when everything will get worse and fall apart and then we will be here sad because it didn't have to go that way for him

…Woah.

Jesus Christ what the fuck.

Okay um, here we go. This is a monster of response to write but here I am.

I’m gonna start by saying I am not a direct witness of any of this. I didn’t know about the misgendering issue during the Q&A, I didn’t really notice it when I watched the Q&A myself yesterday. I’m not on twitter and I don’t follow or look at Taylor or Nick’s tags. All insults I seen regarding the boys are either from assholes trying to bother me or from people who want to talk about the phenomena, both in my inbox.

Regarding misgendering Casey:

Firstly I’m gonna state the obvious and say of course it’s a bad thing to misgender someone. Don’t do that

However I will also say this.

In regards to the extent of reaction: it’s not always done in malice. And in this case, I think it’s a genuine slip up, which happens. I had to consciously remind myself to deliberately use the right pronouns after my friend came out to me as non-binary. I had to correct my friend using the wrong pronouns when talking about our mutual non-binary student. It’s not ideal, but it happens. It’s not mean, it’s just careless. And please note that I’m not saying it’s ok to misgender someone, no it’s absolutely not but I also don’t think this case calls for a big reaction. If someone maliciously, deliberately, publicly and repeatedly misgenders someone, that’s problematic, that should be called out by the masses to this extent. This, we should acknowledge, make a note, and move on. I think there’s some cases where the reaction to certain issues are massively disproportional, this is one of them.

In regards to Taylor not correcting Sarah and being targeted for it: Firstly, Taylor didn’t misgender them, Sarah did. Taylor used the right pronouns. In fact when they hung out in New York last August, Taylor used the right pronouns on his Instagram story. Secondly, he might not have picked that up. Thirdly, even if he did, it’s awkward to suddenly cut off a monologue, let alone one from friend or not, is someone on a higher level than you, to correct a mistake that doesn’t directly affect comprehensive. Fourthly, bystanders are encouraged to step into situations, but they’re certainly not obligated to. So placing the blame or putting so much blame on Taylor is ridiculous and unfair.

In regards to Casey’s Instagram story: I understand where the connection comes from but honestly… I think there’s also a possibility that that’s just a post that Casey saw and wanted to share without reference to this issue. They don’t have Twitter, and it’s been several days since the screening. Truthfully, everyone involved seems really friendly with each other, and how this very project is advocating for LGBT rights, I don’t really believe that if they were aware of the misgendering, they wouldn’t apologize to Casey.

So replying to the “You don’t have to post it…” anon, I agree that putting any blame on Taylor is kind of ridiculous in this case, just like what happened in December. I think there’s a portion of “fans” that are fucking around with this and genuinely hurting him, but there might also be a portion of people who have a problematic/complicated perception of this type of situation, and it’s not targeted specifically towards Taylor. Either way I disapprove with what they’re doing, but here’s a hypothesis.

Regarding the damage these stuff causes:

I’ve addressed the insults thrown at Taylor multiple times by now. And I kind of agree with “I hate that there are idiots…” anon that really disgusting insults thrown at Nick tend to be overlooked, it’s not like there’s no Nick haters, there is. But because of the inherent racism, attacks on Taylor are much more obvious. Either way it’s cruel and disgusting and the boys don’t deserve to be thrown insults like that, nor do they deserve to have people enact cruelty in their name. Rarely is anyone deserving of that, and in the case of these two boys who have been proven to kind and wonderful people, it’s definitely wrong.

I’m tired of reading and seeing these bullshit on social media as well, which is why I actively avoid it, but “You don’t have to post it” anon, I definitely understand and share your worries of this fucking up the boys mental health.

But the sad truth is that we can’t decide what he can see and what he can’t. We’re just gonna need to trust him, to believe that he knows how to regulate the exposure of response he gets, that he knows what comments matter and what don’t, that he knows how to take care of his mental health. He actively avoids twitter, so I think he has an idea on what he can engage with an what he shouldn’t. Same goes with Nick, all we can do is believe he knows his mental health and how to regulate it. Meanwhile, those of us who aren’t assholes, we’ll show them all the love we have for him. I think public figures all struggle with this to some extent, so when they stepped into this career, I believe they saw this as a possibility, so they’re prepared to some degree. That doesn’t make any of this okay, but again, ultimately, we’re not people directly in their lives. We can’t do anything else practical.

Ultimately I want to say, be kind, compassionate and considerate. We can’t control what others do, and truth be told when it comes to the majority of the haters, I don’t think calling them out will change anything. They have their mind set. So the best we can do, is manage and control what we say and do, and to some degree, what we see and engage with.

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #taylor zakhar perez #nicholas galitzine #casey mcquiston #anon ask #answered #oh god this took a lot out of me

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depressedkakashihatake · 4 years

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Can I ask a question? Why do Kakashi get pregnant every time? I mean. I'm a trans man myself, and I didn't do the operation needed to have a penis, but I still decided to close my tubes since getting pregnant is... Well, is what women do, and I don't feel a woman, and it would feel somehow wrong for me to get pregnant. So, why do Kakashi always get pregnant? And Iruka, too, I've seen, in the last couple of AUs

Ok 1) Iruka has gotten pregnant in my head cannons once and it wasn’t my idea. it was an anons and i went with it because i genuinely think Iruka would be far more open to the idea than Kakashi (There are trans men in the world who have given birth to kids. so this is a thing that does happen in reality)

2) It is a cooping mechanism for me. I may not be a trans man, but i am Non binary with a hard lean towards male. I have always hated the idea of being pregnent, i hate my chest and all of that. but i am also terrified of operations and thus am not about to go in to get my tubes tied. I would love to have a body where i have no chest and a penis, but i’ve accepted the fact that a binder and strap on are the closest i will ever get, and i’m ok with that.

Now where Kakashi comes in is out of all of the Naruto characters i quiet clearly identify with him over anyone else. He is my favorite character, his personality matches mine the most. He is the character i see myself in.

So go back a few months when i found out i was pregnant, and i did not handle it well. Was i excited to be a parent? ya. But i had issues. i hated what it did to my body, i hated the fact that i KNEW i was going to be dealing with this bullshit of being called ‘mommy’ and having everything i do from now on for the rest of my life gendered even more than it already was. Basically the only person in my family who knows my gender is my husband, and if i have told others (his mother, my parents) they have just straight up ignored me and continued to call me by female pronouns and compare everything i do to women.

So i needed a cooping mechanism because i couldn’t tell these people to stop saying things like ‘you’re going to be a mommy’ and ‘oh you’ll be such a great mom’. i’d be turned into the villain

i couldn’t vent to my husband (although he is always super supportive) because covid-19 was starting up and as a doctor he was being worked to the ground and he was stressed. it wasn’t fair to him to unload my personal issues on him when he was already burnt out.

so i needed another option

i turned to Kakashi. my favorite character. my character who i identify with.

and i went with it.

I had him find out about his pregnancy at the same point i did (30+ weeks) because i genuinely believe neither him nor i would survive 8+ months of knowing we’re pregnant. i know i would have been an absolute mess the entire time if i had found out sooner.

Now when i make my Pregnant Kakashi head cannons i keep mulitpul things in mind for him and me.

Discomfort- Neither Myself nor Kakashi would be comfortable wearing anything that shows our bump. other than my work outfit i lived in my husbands hoodies because i absolutely hated the way i looked. I absolutely think Kakashi just lives in Gai’s hoodies since Gai is about 2X his side and the hoodie would cover almost everything.

also we both severely miss our binder because you just can’t wear that shit while pregnant. you can’t. i do believe Kakashi would start wearing his again once the baby was born and his c-section scar was healed, where as i basiclly have to wait 6 months till baby is eating solid foods because wearing a binder is just...it makes pumping and breast feeding impossible and those are unfortunately a part of my life right now. i won’t make them a part of Kakashi’s.

Feelings- Kakashi feels the same way about pregnancy as i do. He doesn’t want it. He’s not adverse to being a dad, but he has never thought of pregnancy and gone ‘ya that’s for me’. I basiclly accepted it would happen to me once because my husband wanted at least one biological kid and trusting another human to carry my future kid just is not in my nature. But for Kakashi it’s more of a surprise. he’s on birth control, he uses condoms with Gai, it just happens (as it did with me. i was on birth control when i got pregnant). His feelings (and mine) are why i put him finding out so late. because it is the only way he could coop. it would be a short amount of time he knew and then it would be over. far easier to handle than dealing with the fact you’re going to be pregnant for MONTHS

Now why do i keep making these headcannons? I’m still cooping. My kid is almost 2 months old and i still have not fully dealt with a lot of things. i feel like my days are a dream and nothing i’m doing is actually happening. having Kakashi go through this with me helps me deal with it all. reminds me it’s real and that i’m not losing my mind.

But at the end of the day, it’s my headcannon. you don’t have to like it, no one else has to like it. i almost always post them under the tag ‘pregnant Kakashi’ so people who don’t want to see it don’t have to, but i really need these headcannons right now. Putting a character i don’t identify with as heavily through this with me will not have the same affect. it won’t help me coop as much.

But also, not every trans man is going to feel the same way as you. Pregnancy is a ‘woman’s experience’ if you make it so’. i didn’t dislike the idea of pregnancy because it’s a ‘woman’s thing to go through’. i disliked it because i’m extreamly anxious and have depression and i genuinly don’t think i would handle 8 months of it well (and honestly, knowing that i was pregnant for a lot of what i went through, i can state for a fact that i did not deal with it well. i just didn’t know i was dealing with it)

Kakashi, Iruka or any other trans male can look at pregnancy as a thing that happens. it’s not a gendered experience because trans men, women and non binary people can all experience it. you personally view it as a gendered thing and that’s perfectly fine for you to do, but it’s not something every single person in the world is going to do. because at the end of the day, gender is an idea. It’s just this label people put on us and expect us to fit into. If we don’t fit in, we have to adjust our ideas of gender.

so again, you don’t have to like those headcannons. i take them appropriately so that you don’t have to see them (and if i miss a tag, let me know. i’ll apologize and fix it because honestly i’m running on 5 hours of sleep a day right now and i’m likely to miss shit)

but just because you view pregnancy as a ‘woman’s thing’ doesn’t mean everyone else does. there are trans men all over the world who have given birth because they genuinly wanted to, and there are trans men who (like you) never want to because they don’t feel it’s right for them for whatever reason.

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