#I'll probably delete it later but i need to send the strahd thoughts somewhere that is not a google doc or messenger

[moogle-mafia]

not me worrying whether my new dnd character actually gets to have some character development in this campaign or i'll have to drop the entire act before the party loses their patience 💀

i had a disagreement with two people over two slightly varying issues in one session already and i don't know what to do, because their characters' behaviour just seems a bit hypocritical to my character.

tl;dr: 2 clerics, a wizard, and a paladin. the paladin is neutral, the wizard is pretty chill about things, but the clerics tend to prioritise protecting the corpses from being eaten over helping the living (at least these are her first assumptions).

she is not the best, i admit. i made a petty, grumpy assassin with trust issues and a weird weak spot for outcasts. basically someone who says 'i will steal from people that annoy me with their illogical (to me) self-righteousness, but i will try to lessen other people's burdens if no one else wants to help'. aaand we got to that one basement scene in the curse of strahd. and my character did something really stupid out of pity. and antagonised a cleric or two in the process, because she got into an argument about it and said a few things to a party member that sounded like a threat.

now, i am on the fence. i can either decide i won't budge (but i already heard a comment that my character is not really likeable right now and it got me a little worried), or just drop everything i planned for this character just because i don't want the party to leave her. and i'm not entirely sure that the party will take time to shake some sense into her, or will just assume she's not worth the effort. i could just do a 180 and be like 'yeah sorry i am starting to learn please give me a chance' instantly, but i would rather go balls to the wall... and after the fight have a dramatic scene of learning that it's okay to ask for help and to rely on others. and maybe a promise that she will learn and work on herself a bit.

but! i am worried that the party won't take the hint to simply force my character to sit down and explain what is wrong with her. i've never played a morally complicated character before, so i don't know if the hints i am dropping are actually doing something. i assume that they are not, since me having a stupid idea on session 2 was interpreted as 'yeah she just wants to see what happens, that's not pity' at least once. i guess they assume things based on the fact that my character stole some stuff from an npc's house, but she didn't tell them about it. also, she haven't really had a chance to use these spoils yet. i was thinking about her splurging all that on the gear the party might need, but i we haven't found a shop yet.

i might be overthinking all of this, this might be also my longest post i ever made on this website, but i guess i needed a space to write this all down.

i know i made this character to challenge myself, because i usually play as neutral/chaotic good pranksters, but this is a party that seems to be mostly lawful and i don't know if i didn't cause problems too early in the game. to be honest, i am enjoying the roleplay a lot, it's different from what i used to do in dnd, but i'm still worried that all of this will estrange me from the group... so... yeah hey hi anne of xiety it's been a while now we're worried even about dnd. it's been literally 2 sessions, why am i so worried about this