#I'm a bit late but since it was Subaru's birthday this week.. I'm publishing this now ^^

[royz-yade]

Royz Subaru Rock and Read 047 (English Translation)

Magazine: Rock&Read 047 Release Date: April 2013 Type of Interview: Personal Interview Translator & Photos: VerwelktesGedicht for Royz-yade Note: Subaru did talk about his rebellious youth already at lives held in his hometown but for everyone who couldn’t go to those lives... here you can finally read an interview about it! If you’re a Subaru fan then I really recommend this interview! But also for Royz fans in general because it gives a deeper understanding of Subaru’s lyrics and also gives you some insight about Subaru joining Royz. Please also note that this interview is from 2013, so a couple of things weren’t known that well back then, for example facts about his twin brother. Have fun! And if you really want to translate it into another language based on this, please post a link to this original English translation. Thank you!

-- Subaru-san, you were born and raised in the Kansai-region? Yes. I was born in Nara. The house of my mother’s family is still in Nara. After that I lived in Osaka but only until I was 1 or 2 years old, so I don’t have any memory about this but when I was in High School I lived in Osaka again for a bit. We moved to Katsura, Kyoto, but because it was just a regular housing area, there were so many mansions.

-- Like a place made only for living and nothing else? I wouldn’t go so far to say that but… No, now that I think about it it was like that (bitter laugh)

-- Is your memory not clear about that? No (laughs), I have photos, so I remember what it was like. There is a photo…  Ah, I have a twin brother.

-- Really!? Yes. We’re identical twins, so our face is also pretty much the same. There’s still a picture at my parents’ house on which we’re quite young, holding an insect box and the stuff we need to catch them. It makes me think: “There were also times when we were cute like that…” (laughs) When we were young we were always together. We had a bunk bed but we used to sleep together in the bottom bunk (laughs)

-- Subaru-san, you are the older brother? Yes. I have my younger twin and an older sister as well as father and mother. That’s our family.

-- I wonder what it was like to go to the same school as twins. We went to elementary and middle school together. Many people compared us to each other.

-- Sorry, I’m comparing you now… Who of you was better in studying? It was me. My brother hated studying. I didn’t think it’s interesting but I somehow did it. I also went to a Juku [=tutoring school almost every pupil in Japan goes to for further study]. Before I could enter college I started my band but my brother really gave his best for the entrance exams for college.

-- How about sports? That was also me. I love sports. When I was a child I wanted to become a baseball player. Together with my brother we went to the entry test of the baseball “little league” where people are aiming at becoming professional baseball players. Unfortunately both of us failed (laughs).

-- So, you were good at studying and sports and were also popular in school? You may call it “popular” – or you call it “loud” (bitter laugh). I think I was sticking out. I’m someone sticking out by nature [note: what he might mean is him being a half, so it’s literally by nature]. Also, we moved to Shiga in the end of my 6th year of elementary school [about 12 years old]. For the three years in middle school I played soccer. For our school festival I was in a band. It wasn’t anything official but it was the first concert in my life. We played BUMP OF A CHICKEN’s “planetarium” but back then I played the drums.

-- Not even guitar? (laughs) It was impossible for me to play the guitar (laughs). My girlfriend from that time played the drums, so I wanted to play it too! I decided it right away and really begged my parents a lot. I got drum lessons on an electrical drum set. Without understanding anything. (laughs)

-- You didn’t listen to Visual Kei songs back then yet? I did. I started being interested in it in my 1st year of middle school [about 13 years old]. Chakuutafuru [note: a site where you could download songs] was popular back then and I thought I want to get to know songs other people don’t know and searched for it and it made me think: „This is SO cool!“ But when I showed it to my friends they said: “They should stop wearing all that make up.” I thought it would be nice if a person close to me would like it too, so I showed it to my brother but he disliked it (bitter laugh). That was a shock for me. I didn’t tell my parents. I bought magazines but I hid them. But even though I hid it from my friends I did like it and listen to it all the time. At that time I was a light-hearted, fun child but after that I entered my teenage rebellion and all that fell apart all of a sudden. Even my parents are telling me “We’re so glad you are over that.”.

-- When was that? As of my 2nd or 3rd year of middle school. Well, that’s when it usually happens, isn’t it? I gave my best at the entrance exams and did enter a private high school but I quit after 2 or 3 months. I got kicked out of my parent’s house and didn’t go back for about half a year.

-- That was the time you mentioned when you said you were “living in Osaka for a bit”? Yes. To tell the truth, I lived at the house of my girlfriend that I dated at that time. But without any explanation I got kicked out there as well.

-- Why again all of a sudden? They asked me if that was the high school I wanted to go to. It wasn’t like that. But my friends told me they would go, so I thought I could go, too. In the end, when I really went, I wondered if this was really what I wanted to do. It was fun and my friends where there but something was wrong. And with that I quit high school. And there is a white blank…

-- Did anything happen? I did hikkikomori (=not going out of the house anymore). For about a whole year I didn’t leave the house – not even one step. After quitting school I felt like there is no place for me to be anymore. I also didn’t even think to go out for a part time job. I wanted to have a save future, so I thought it would probably be better to go to school. I also told my parents about it but it was probably just too sudden. Back then I destroyed the stuff in my parent’s house and had fights with my brother – so that even blood was shed. I cried every day like “Why did it become like this?”. Around the same time my brother also quit high school and didn’t leave the house anymore.

-- So… the older and the younger brother were… Yes. And then my mother got sick. When I went out of my room to watch TV after my parents went to bed somehow I took a look at our shelves. There were books people with depression read and books about getting a brighter heart again. I realized that I’m the one who was to blame. But I couldn’t do anything. And without being able to do anything, I got so nervous about everything again.  I also stopped contacting my friends. They told me: “What are you actually doing?” and “Go back to school!” Even when they tried to call me I didn’t reply. I even changed my number without telling anyone. I was completely alone. I didn’t know at all what to do. And then, I don’t know what the reason was, I realized that I can’t continue like this and decided to enter a correspondence school. When I went out to take the photos for my application for school I realized that I haven’t seen the sunlight in such a long time. Had it always been like this? There has been a photo booth at the supermarket close to my parents’ house and I remember that I only went there and came back home and it was so exhausting.

-- And with that you were accepted at a correspondence high school? There were schools in Kyoto and there was a guy with red long hair. I thought he would definitely like Visual Kei, so I scrape up some courage and tried talking to him. As I thought he liked it. Because that guy’s house was also in Shiga we went home together. He was in a band. He asked me to come if I want to, even though Shiga has a really tiny fandom. I went and thinking back now, there were almost no fans there. But seeing him standing on stage within that exploding music made me think that this guy is amazing.

-- Had you been at lives until that time? 1 or 2 times. I also haven’t watched any live DVDs. Another day we went to Karaoke. Just when we were about to go home he said to me: “Our vocalist will stop. I’d like you to do it.” That was my dream. While being locked up in my room bands like DIR EN GREY-san and Alice Nine-san as well as the whole Visual Kei music became my pillar, so I always thought that I wanted to be in a band.

-- What kind of band was it? There were candles on the website. It was a super dark band [kotekote]. I gave about three lives together with them and realized that this is different from what I wanted to do. I wanted to sing songs with a nice melody. I wondered what to do from thereon. There was a friend of a friend who was in a band. He had been living in Hiroshima but at that time he was living alone in Osaka, going to college. It seemed like he was searching for members, so I asked my friend to introduce me to him. We came into contact and he told me that he wants to compose nice songs as well. “Let’s do it together!”, he said. He was a bassist and I was a vocalist, so we couldn’t find members at all (bitter laugh). But he seemed nice, so I wanted to be in a band together with him.

-- When did you meet the other Royz members? Right at that time. I took a look at my “member search” that I had posted on Mixi quite some time before and Koudai contacted me there. He was living in Osaka but I was from Shiga. Living in Osaka and having a band there means that you are popular.

-- There’s such a difference? There’s a huge one! Only knowing that there are Shiga-bands that perform at Osaka-events made me go “Seriously?!?”. And looking at Koudai’s picture it felt like his band is selling well and that they are really serious with what they are doing. Thinking about it now, everything was chaotic (laughs). I thought: „Isn’t this guy super popular?“ I wanted to be in a band together with him but I had already promised it to the Hiroshima-guy. I was determined about it and told Koudai: “I’d be happy but there’s another arrangement…” and he answered: “Isn’t it possible to call you even once?” I explained him the situation and that there’s already someone I promised to be in a band with. “Did you already decide for the other members? We already have all the rest, so don’t you want to join? I will call this Hiroshima-guy!”

-- Koudai-san was pretty serious about it, wasn’t he? (laughs) He was (laughs). After we hung up he messaged me asking “Don’t you want to think about it once again?” After that we phoned again and at that time he let me hear their demo song. He only held his phone close to the speakers, so the quality was very bad (bitter laugh). But I was really moved. We didn’t have a demo yet. We had our ideals but didn’t make any step forward. And since the weapon of a band is its songs… I listened to it for the first time and thought that I really want to be in a band together with them! So I called the Hiroshima-guy myself. I was really so sorry, so I told him everything while being in tears.

-- And then you joined Royz. But before joining Royz there was something like a “test”. First of all we went to Karaoke. I sang Janne D Arc’s “Gekkouka” but I was so nervous. I was happy I could finish the song even under these circumstances but when I had finished nobody said anything. Back then I did think that my singing was good, so I thought they would tell me “You’re good!”. Finally Kazuki said: “Doesn’t anyone tell him that he’s good?” (laughs) I remember nobody did.

-- I think they were fascinated by it. That’s why you could join. Actually, they had a live scheduled for one month later and if they couldn’t have found a vocal until then it would have been pretty difficult. I remember sitting there thinking “What does that mean!?”

-- Various things happened before you could join. But various things also happened after I joined…

-- What happened? To be honest, I thought about quitting Royz. I got depressed like never before. There were various things that were just too heavy and I didn’t know what to do. But I also thought that I shouldn’t wreak my own sorrows on other people. So I went to ask Koudai for advice. He asked me if it wouldn’t be good to ask my parents for advice as well. I went to my parents’ house but my parents were against me being in a band. They told me: “We don’t want you to be in a band anymore.” But that opened my eyes. What have I achieved in life until that time? I found myself again and what was really important to me in the end: this band. I wrote “AREA” with the feeling that the members and fans have saved me back then. At that time what has saved me from this deep was really the existence of this band. If that time didn’t exist I don’t think I would still be in a band now.

-- Something like that has happened… Now, of course my whole family is supporting me. When I returned home the other day, they have made a corner for me (laughs). Magazines that have been released until now, ripped out files. I was really happy. I do think that I’m the one who has caused the most worries to them. But even though I did, they are still supporting me and it makes me happy. When I talked to my brother about these worries the other day I said: “And you told me to stop!?” (laughs) Sometimes my parents come to events and since my brother and me are twins, also the fans sometimes mention him. Sometimes messages arrive saying “Your little brother, he is more handsome.” And I go all like: “Ungh! That idiot!!” (laughs) But this is funny, so it’s completely fine.

-- You overcame various things. Within one year you made it from Shibuya O-EAST to Shibuya AX. The capacity is way bigger and the scenery will change. But I also think the pressure is quite big! It’s amazing, isn’t it? When we got signed under that label I didn’t know anything about it. Holding MCs, composing songs, making guests come to our lives, all that was just fumbling. The expectations of everyone around us got so high. Even now I’m worried about that. But we made many experiences, had failures and learned from them, so we became tough. Maybe people don’t think that it’s amazing that we came from there to here. Personally I also am a person that is like this but I think I have to fight that feeling.

-- You’re a person that gets in a sad mood quickly, aren’t you? When I think “This is good!” it also happens that I return home and get into a bad mood all over again. I don’t like showing people my weak side. Long ago I didn’t tell anyone what I was thinking in the bottom of my heart. I didn’t want people to see my suffering self, telling them what was really on my mind.

-- But I’m sure everyone wanted to hear it. Especially the members. I came to be able to speak about it with the members. And now I want to tell it the fans as well. Long ago I was someone I made up myself. I thought I would be useless if I wasn’t happy in front of our fans. I didn’t want to give them any bad feelings. This really went on for several months. As of our AX oneman I want them to know everything about me.

-- Definitely, until now you’ve already created great sounds and words [to describe everything] but it feels like you’re breaking out of a shell now. I think you can’t convey it if you write lyrics about things you don’t feel. I didn’t write lyrics like that in the past but the things you feel and the experiences you made… For example in “heartless” I wrote about the time in middle and high school when I felt the worst. When I exposed all my true feelings, the reaction was amazing. Somehow… People barely say this about new songs but often our older songs were described as „whitewashing“. I don’t understand that meaning at all. Maybe they are but the things I wrote weren’t „whitewashing“ anything. They were wishes. “I want to do this” or “I want it to be like that”. That’s what I thought when I wrote it. And also, there weren’t only good things I wrote about. There were also many dark topics, weren’t there?

-- Maybe people, who are holding prejudice thinking that if [your songs] aren’t kirakira then they’re useless, are thinking that it’s whitewashing. That’s what I think. We’re often described as “kirakira kei” but I don’t want you to describe a band with only one word. Maybe in the beginning we were really only that but we don’t think we are only that now. “Inauthentic” or “whitewashing” – I don’t want to be called that anymore, that’s why I’m conveying my real feelings now.

-- Like “From now on I want to lay Royz bare even more”. Yes, I want to do that with these 5 members forever. This is just a hypothesis! But for example, if one of the members dies, I don’t want anyone else to join. I think we will disband then. I think of this as my first and last band that’s why I want to keep on going like it is now. I think we shouldn’t stand still. I don’t like free days because I think too much when I have free time. I go like “Is this really okay? Can’t I just do anything?”

-- Is there any switch that can make you rest? I like being alone. I like drinking alone. Eating, drinking, getting drunk, sleeping. (laughs) That way I can sort things out. I want this for the fans as well as the members: to laugh. When I’m with the members I talk a lot. I want to die laughing (laughs)

-- So you do have time to rest? We do have that! I think it’s dangerous to not take the time to rest. I’m completely aware of that.

-- That’s good. I would be a bit worried if you don’t have time for that. When rushing ahead I think there are times when you can’t move forward at all if you don’t take the time to rest. I know what you mean. Back then, each time I got depressed that was all what I thought. I also thought a lot about death. I wrote light-hearted lyrics but also some with the topic of death.

-- Definitely. Like “Because death exists – How shall we live our life?” In the end, human beings are short-lived. Not long ago my grandfather has passed away. It was terminal cancer and we knew how long he had left. I went to see him off but I did meet him a little earlier. Even though he seemed fine he was hooked up to IV and things like that and couldn’t move around at all. I often thought it won’t be that long anymore. I think that’s also something I might write about in the future. But it’s not like I think that I want to die.

-- Yes, because we want to live we think about death. Yes. That’s also what I think.

-- Today you really surprised me. I didn’t have that dark image of you. The Subaru our fans know probably isn’t really the Subaru we’ve talked about. I thought this would be a good opportunity to talk about it.

-- You don’t really tell what’s wrong when someone asks you “Has something happened?” It’s like that with all the members (laughs). Even though you’ve talked so much about it, as soon as I ask, you avoid it and go “Well… no…”. Because we think it’s not good to show our worried, weak side.

-- Yes. That thought is really strong. But that avoiding makes people think: “There definitely has to be something!” (laughs) Hahahaha! But in the end it’s because I want everyone to smile.